I'm back in the Joker's good graces, but that means he's back trying to woo me, and that will only hurt us both. If it helps, Boss, I'm not in love with anyone else. Jason is taken, Dick is a liar who lives up to his name, and Anthony is just a silly romantic notion. I haven't even seen him in a year.

If I had control of the world…

--

Hit the Pokemon convention. We threw explosive pokeballs at the little kids.

They were full of laughing gas, non-lethal.

We kidnapped a girl dressed as one of the characters from the show. Misty. Her real name is Belinda.

Hope she's having fun.

In nine days we hit a

--

Change of plans. We're calling the seventh inning stretch a little early. Batman was catching on too fast.

In nine days we grab the First Diamond. It's not literally the first diamond, but it's the masterpiece of some guy named Carl First. It's massive and flawless and cut in the shape of one of those birds of prey. I can't tell which.

--

Our little captive is doing all right. A little scared, but I told her we wouldn't hurt her if she was good. Was I telling the truth?

Am I going to hell?

One week to the final inning.

--

Once upon a time there was a great baseball player who was the only one in history to steal first base.

In 1967 the old elementary school named their baseball field after him.

--

Four days.

--

Told the boss to lay off once and for all, and go to Harley Quinn if he wanted a girlfriend. He's very unhappy with me.

Tomorrow. 9:00 P.M.

--

There were nine of us there: me, Harley, the boss, the bimbo twins, the old hit man, two of the Riddler's guys, and one of our car thieves. Against Batman's three. Oh, and I almost forgot the girl. She wasn't exactly able to play.

We used exploding baseballs, non-lethal gas (but incapacitating.)

Those two stupid girls knocked themselves out. (Good God.) Batman took out our hit man and almost got himself taken out in the process. Meanwhile I was totally waling on Robin. It was too dark for him to see who I was. Batgirl went for the boss; Harley jumped to defend him and the two of them slugged it out. I turned Robin over to our car man, which was dumb because our guy went down in about half a second. Meanwhile Batman took out the Riddler's two guys with one blow, and it was down to three on three, us against them, the way it should be.

We lost.

Batgirl had Harley in a headlock. I had knocked Robin out, but I was too far away to kill him and therefore too far away to use him as a hostage. The boss and I might have been able to take Batman together. We'll never know. Joker called up his big purple remote control helicopter and was inside it before the Bat could reach him. He looked at Harley, saw she wasn't going anywhere. He reached out a hand, flying low over me.

"Come on," he said. I could barely hear him over the sound of the helicopter. I turned away.

He left, looking downright pitiful.

Poor baby. It's not like he couldn't have saved Harley, and then he would have had us both.

In the flash of the helicopter's lights, Batman saw who I was.

"Come with me," he said, holding out his hand.

I turned away from him as well.

--

Once upon a time, Harley Quinn went back to Arkham.

Later that day, Dick Grayson got a phone call from an old friend. Soon after, Batman, Batgirl, and Robin caught the Joker in the middle of a job. He went to Arkham as well.

Before the Joker's gang had a chance to disband, it was taken over by the boss's former protégé, a new Master Criminal known as the Flapper.

And she lived happily ever after.

Alone.