So here we have the next update, which is quite unexpected to me as I had not reckoned on writing at all this evening. I hope you all enjoy it, as it has made me happy to finally start to get this fic back on track.

Today's update is dedicated to Meggi (love you!) and Ficmouse & Anny for our wonderfully strange but brilliant fic related conversation tonight, which as ever has got me all inspired and slightly weirded out in equal measure. Plus also I have to mention Freya for her wonderfully sweet message, which did prompt me to even look at this today so thanks for that.

Here is the update, hope you like it.

For better, for worse

Chapter 15

Thursday 8th March 2012

Zoe leant forward from her seated position to pick up the wine glass that she had placed down on the small coffee table when the two of them had finished eating and Dylan had suggested they adjourned to the sofa to make themselves more comfortable. She recalled that they had managed to make it through the dinner itself with barely a mention of the accident and as the majority of her partner's injuries had been sustained below his waist she had found it easier than she had anticipated to block out the events of the previous week and slip back into a familiar sense of contentment in his presence. In fact it had only been when she had spied Dylan struggling to help himself up from his chair and when he had reluctantly been forced to accept her support to travel the short distance to the living space that the reality of the situation had truly dawned on her.

As an abstract concept the idea of Sam caring for Dylan had felt uncomfortable to Zoe from the start but as he had been forced to place his weight on her and she had realised in quite how close proximity the estranged couple had to live to make this arrangement work she had found herself wondering how two people who had failed to co-exist together well enough to remain married could successfully cope in the confines of the small boat. She took a gulp of the wine, enjoying the sweet taste as the liquid drained down her throat and glanced over in the direction of her silent companion who was seated next to her but staring directly towards the door as if hopefully waiting for Sam to return.

Until the young woman had arrived in town Zoe would have described herself secure in her relationship with Dr Keogh and was certain that until seven days before she would have considered them close enough to tell each other everything despite her partner's lack of interest in communication a great deal of the time. Their first totally honest conversation had been in the immediate aftermath of the fire when she recalled that she had clung to him like a limpet at the thought they had both nearly burned to death before confessing that she would like their relationship to go to the next level. She wasn't exactly sure how they had gone from those first few tiny steps to almost living together in a matter of months but she was certain that somewhere along the way she had explained to him that she was unable to have children and that not only had Dylan seemed totally accepting of this, he had again reiterated that he was not the marrying kind. That this statement now seemed strangely out of place given what she now knew about the man's relationship with Sam had been explained to her but Zoe still found herself questioning why Dylan had felt the need to hide his ex-wife from her for all that time, especially when she herself had given him all but her very worst of secrets in those darkest few hours.

"I'm just going to the bathroom," Zoe stated, almost as unexpectedly to herself as to Dylan as she suddenly felt very overwhelmed by thoughts of the mistruth that she had been told by the man she had started to fall in love with. She met Dylan's gaze briefly with her own before he nodded in acknowledgement of her words and she stood almost instantly feeling slightly dismissed by his gesture.

She headed into the bathroom and sat on the lid of the toilet, taking a few deep breaths to steady her nerves. Zoe was sure that her connection with Dylan was worth fighting for, in fact her concern over his welfare had been enough to convince her that her feelings for him had become serious, but there was something about his own tumultuous discourse with his ex-wife and the bond they obviously still shared was very much apparent to her, making her feel strangely like an outsider looking in on someone else's relationship rather than being one of the two involved in such a connection herself. Zoe stood up and stared at herself in the bathroom mirror before deciding that she needed to make herself look a bit more presentable before facing Dylan again and so moved to open the tiny cabinet that was attached to the wall. She remembered with a wry smile how she had gradually started to fill the rarely used item with her own toiletries over a period of weeks as she had begun to spend more time aboard the boat enjoying her nights in Dylan's arms. He had never commented on the takeover bid her possessions had started to make on his space which Zoe knew she had seen as a green light to continue from a man who rarely made his true feelings on a subject known, unless that feeling was irritation or annoyance. It had been her plan to start leaving clothes and overnight wear in one of his cupboards but that idea had been disrupted by his accident and now that his ex was acting as a carer Zoe found herself considering that perhaps it may not be appropriate for her to pursue that presently, especially as Dylan himself was not in any physical state for them to be spending the night together anyway.

As the door of the cabinet swung open under her touch Zoe gasped aloud at the sight that greeted her, as whilst her items were still very much present and correct next to Dylan's own aftershave and shaver, there were now other bits and pieces placed on the other side of the shelf. Instinctively Zoe picked up the unfamiliar toiletries more out of curiosity than anything else and found herself fingering a packet of face wipes, a deodorant and some moisturiser, before she spun round to reassess the remainder of the room. She quickly spotted the shampoo and conditioner at the foot of the bath tub and the hairspray on the shelf by the towel rail, along with a purple toothbrush alongside her own red one and Dylan's green one in the cup on the sink. She wasn't exactly sure what irritated her the most, given that she knew it was practical for Sam to have items on display in the bathroom, but somehow the mixture of imposition she felt the girl placing on what had been until recently her own personal space and the fact that the younger woman appeared to need only the basic essentials to look effortlessly beautiful had really gotten to her against her own better judgement.

Dylan could hear Zoe clanging about in the bathroom at the back of the boat but chose not to pay her any particular attention as she seemed to be in a strange mood about something that he was not sure he was able to put his finger on yet. He had realised with some annoyance a short while back that he had been focused on the front door of the boat for the majority of the evening since Samantha had departed for her night out and had barely heard any of the conversation his dining companion had attempted to engage him in, let alone participate in it. He was well aware that he was lucky Zoe would expect little more than the occasional non-committal grunt from him and therefore his lack of interest would most likely have gone unnoticed but if he was honest with himself it was unusual for his thoughts to be this distracted by anything other than an intriguing medical condition these days and most certainly not a woman.

It wasn't that he was not attracted to Zoe, because he had been well aware of her looks from the first day he had met her and the spark between them had arrived instantaneously with the snappy back and forth conversations that they had always shared being present almost as fast, convincing him immediately that she was more than a match for him intelligently as well. However ever since he had opened his eyes to see Sam standing there changing in front of him earlier on he had been unable to get her physical presence out of his head and he was struggling to balance the fine line between remembering the many times they had made up after a row in their own unique way with the fact that she was currently dressed up for a night out with an unknown third party. Dylan knew that he had moved on himself since their separation at the gates of the army base over a year beforehand but despite that and in spite of the fact Sam had already been seeing someone else back then anyway, he was finding it very difficult to have her back in his life yet with her thoughts obviously taken up by someone other than himself.

This sense of unease had only been worsened by his act of wetting himself earlier on and how much care he had required from Sam to clean himself up before Zoe's arrival. Whilst she was nothing if not a good doctor she was also the smitten young girl who had appeared in awe of his presence in those first few months they worked together and he felt an unnerving sense of disappointment in himself that he had once again failed to live up to the expectations she must have had before they were seriously together. As he floated off into his thoughts he felt himself glance over at the nearly drained wine bottle and half empty glass that Zoe had abandoned to head to the toilet a short time before. The temptation of wine being present aboard his houseboat had never really bothered him before as although he did have his own issues with alcohol he had been content enough with his life as it stood not to require such a crutch, yet despite knowing that all the things which had kept him satisfied in the last few months were still there he could not help but feel that everything had been turned upside down enough to make a slurp of the sweet tasting alcoholic beverage sound somewhat enticing.

"We must remember to thank Sam for cooking," Zoe's voice stated from behind him and Dylan snapped his head violently round to face her, hoping with desperation that she hadn't noticed how intently he had been eyeing up her drink only seconds before.

"Indeed," Dylan answered and Zoe found herself wondering whether he had felt as uncomfortable as she had eating food prepared for them by his wife, ex or not. The meal itself had been surprisingly good for someone who had insisted they were not particularly fond of cooking, especially as from the small indications Dylan had given in the last few days she was certain Sam had never been very domestically minded when they had been together.

"I was thinking I should perhaps go soon," Zoe responded meekly, hoping that her partner would not see her suggestion as her fleeing from his side at the earliest suitable opportunity. "I mean, Sam will be home soon," she continued in an attempt to offer an explanation. "And I wasn't planning on staying over, because well that would be, um," she paused to consider her words. "Awkward. It would be awkward with her here and well, it isn't like we can, um, you know," she concluded, pondering at what point in their relationship she had become quite so coy about the physical side of their intimacy.

"Quite," Dylan retorted simply and Zoe stared back at him in consternation, unsure if his short answer was an acknowledgement that he was in agreement with her or not. "But could you finish the wine before you go?" he added curtly. "She won't like it being here."

"Oh," Zoe responded without thinking. "I thought you said you didn't have an issue with me having it," she added earnestly. "I would never have brought it on board if I had thought it would be a problem."

"It isn't for me but she has always hated having alcohol in the house," Dylan answered. "I can't say I blame her," he continued in reflection. "I mean she of all people knows what I am like when I drink, she was on the receiving end of it often enough," he concluded, realising almost immediately that he had said far too much and glancing away from Zoe's gaze to make sure she could see that he did not want to pursue the topic further. He was not certain whether he had been tempted earlier on or not, but he was convinced that for as long as his wife was present by his side he would resist if only to remain fair to her after all he had put her through with his alcohol fuelled behaviour in the past.

"Sorry," Zoe replied humbly before stepping across the room and filling the glass with the remaining dregs of the bottle before downing the contents in one. "I didn't think. Do you need any help with anything before Sam gets back?" she asked him, moving to once again sit beside him on the couch but now feeling the recently familiar distance between them reappear as if by magic.

"No," Dylan stated stubbornly, determined to refuse any offers of help from anyone other than the one person who had been charged with his care. He knew that he was being petty but it felt difficult enough to allow his wife to look after him without giving Zoe permission to do so as well. "Actually," he continued, finding the words to ask something that had been on his mind for a few days now. "There is something you could do for me, well for Samantha actually."

"What it is?" Zoe asked with intrigue at what she could possibly do to help the other woman in Dylan's life, other than disappear completely as she was certain Sam would be happier if she was not around despite her seeming more than accommodating today.

"Could you talk to Mr Jordan about her for me?" he asked insistently, but sensing Zoe's confusion he continued to offer justification for his reasons. "Whether I need her to be or not, which still has to be determined by the consultant, Samantha is stuck here for the foreseeable future as the army won't offer her another posting for a little while," he explained guiltily at the impact he was continuing to have on her life even in spite of their separation. "She's never been very good at coping with having time on her hands," he elaborated, remembering back to all the times she had thrown herself into additional shifts to avoid time spent idle. "So I was thinking that perhaps Jordan could offer her a locum position for a few months, just until she can get out of here I mean," he described, sensing that it would be the perfect solution to their current circumstances, as he was sure having Samantha by his side constantly for the next few weeks would be hell on earth, for her at least as he was self-aware enough to pick up on his increasingly grouchy mood in the small amount of time since she had brought him home. "I doubt very much I will need her here continually and this way she can keep up with current medical practice whilst being close enough to do what she has signed up to in regards to being my carer," he explained, realising that when he put it like that it sounded very much like a formal contractual arrangement rather than an amiable set up between a previously married couple.

"You want Sam to come and work with us?" Zoe questioned incredulously. "At Holby?" she added, still in disbelief at what she thought she had heard Dylan say before seeing him nod at her, apparently bemused by the strength of her reaction. "Dylan, it isn't that I don't like her, but don't you think this whole situation is weird enough? I'm not sure complicating things by having me and her work together would be the greatest step forward I have to say," she continued, horrified at even the thought of having to spend a twelve hour shift in the younger doctor's company. "Besides you hate everyone knowing your business and I doubt the others will be able to keep their noses out of things if she is there all the time," Zoe added, internally referencing the photograph and scandal that Linda had somehow traced via the internet like she was Sherlock Holmes rather than a scatty nurse but failing to make mention of it aloud as she was unsure how much of this event Dylan had been made aware of before now.

"I trust Samantha to be discreet," Dylan stated with little emotion. "She's had to learn to be," he added dismissively. "And I have to tell you I disagree with you over this being a bad idea because although I am suggesting she works in the E.D. I never said anything about the two of you working the same shifts," he elaborated. "I don't doubt you and Samantha would find it difficult to tolerate working together full time, mainly because she is fairly argumentative and sure of herself and you, well you aren't short of an opinion are you?" he continued, causing Zoe to raise her eyebrows at his uncharacteristically diplomatic way of phrasing that statement. "If you worked opposing shifts, at least some of the time anyway, then we would be able to spend some time alone together without forcing her off the boat for hours," he finished, pleased with himself. "You were the one who mentioned the current set up is awkward."

"I don't know Dylan, I really don't," Zoe admitted honestly, taking his hand and stroking his fingers with her own. "But I'll think about it and if you want me to talk it over with Nick I will, he seems to have a soft spot for Sam so I am sure he could be sold on the idea," she added with an unexpected sadness upon it hitting her all over again how the two most important people in her life shared Dr Nicholls as a common bond, even regardless of the fact Nick had never even met the young woman a week ago.

"Thank you," Dylan answered, accepting her word as good enough for now but making a mental note to mention the suggestion to Jordan himself at the hospital the following day in case his current companion forgot, however consciously or unconsciously that act may be. He looked down to where Zoe was still grasping his hand, feeling an odd sense of detachment from her touch yet as he looked up he was completely absorbed in the intensity of her gaze as she leaned forward and captured his lips with her own, moving herself to wrap her arms around him as she deepened the kiss with a passion that Dylan found quite unexpected.

"I'll call you tomorrow," Zoe stated as she pulled away, standing up suddenly and grabbing her bag and coat from their resting place beside the sofa before exiting without a further word and leaving her partner incredibly confused at her erratic behaviour as he watched her leave.

Zoe headed out into the darkness pulling her coat around her shoulders and fumbling through her bag for the required car keys as she began her short walk back to the parking area where she had earlier left her vehicle. She spied a figure heading towards her in the shadows and whilst the hairs on the back of her neck instantly rose she quickly identified the person as Sam, obviously dragging her heels in returning to the boat judging by the speed she was travelling.

"Hi," the girl said shyly and not meeting her gaze. "I wasn't sure if it was a good time for me to come back, I mean Dylan never sort of said if you were staying or anything."

"I'm not," Zoe answered sharply in response to the awkwardness of the moment, recognising that this was a stupid thing to say given that it would have been apparent to the young woman she was already departing even without her words. "I didn't think staying would be the best idea, I mean it's not as if we can, um, well, do anything like that at the moment," she continued, pausing to wonder why she had taken the conversation in that particular direction.

"I know, well not yet anyway," Sam replied dejectedly and Zoe couldn't help but think that through the dimly lit night air she had seen a slight reddening of the girl's cheeks at the thought of the two of them together, which she knew would be matched by the warm hue that was filling her own face at the irony of having this particular conversation with her partner's wife.

After a further moment of silence during which neither woman met the other's eye Zoe nodded in Sam's direction and the younger doctor felt a wave of relief crashing down over her that Dr Hanna was now leaving for the night. She hurried down the path towards Dylan's boat without any hesitation on now knowing the coast was clear but as she bounded up the steps and opened the door her mood immediately collapsed on seeing the state the room was in. The empty wine bottle and glass on the table were matched with a further empty bottle on the kitchen sideboard, which she noted with annoyance was also covered with the dishes and remnants of the meal she had so carefully prepared some hours before. It had already hurt her more than she figured possible to cook the food in the first place but to now be left to clean up after the pair as if she was a skivvy, as well as a cook and a carer was beyond painful. Sam reflected that Dylan wasn't exactly in the best physical state to be clearing up a kitchen, but Zoe had no excuse especially considering she had been all but living there until recently and therefore would have known exactly where everything went.

Dervla bounded up to her side from her position atop her blanket in the corner of the room to snuffle her leg and Sam reached down to ruffle the dog's head, wondering as she did whether the canine had shown Zoe any similar level of affection, before dismissing that thought as nonsensical as she knew Dervla had much better taste in human beings than either of her owners ever had. How the dog had ever put up with her and Dylan living in the same house she was not certain, but if there was the canine equivalent of a lifetime achievement award she knew this particular soppy creature would deserve it without question.

"Let's get you outside for five minutes eh," she said lovingly, patting the dog and gesturing towards the door before allowing the daft animal to lead her back outside into the darkness. She watched as Dervla charged up and down just outside the boat marking her scent on every tree and post, obviously enjoying the freedom from her confinement. After a number of minutes Sam sighed heavily at the thought of having to tackle the mess back inside and the noise brought her canine companion back to her side within moments. "You ready to go back inside?" she asked Dervla reluctantly, half expecting her to have the intelligence to respond but almost gasping in shock when the dog put its paw on her leg in a show of understanding Sam was sure. "Come on then you daft thing," she added, opening the door and following her back into the warmth.

"Were you waiting outside when Zoe left?" Dylan shouted through from his bedroom. "She'd barely been gone a minute when you arrived back."

"I passed her on my way, I'd just been dropped off," Sam called back through, settling Dervla on her blanket before once again staring around the living room in despair at the state it had been left in. She had never been a particularly neat person but she knew that she would never have left someone else's space in such a mess, especially when they had known that she at least would have to sleep there. "I had thought she might be staying over," she added as a slightly cruel jibe at her husband's expense as she headed into the bedroom to see whether he was settled in for the night. However as she reached the doorway and watched him helplessly trying to undress himself her anger subsided in a flash.

"I could do with some assistance," Dylan stated painfully, catching sight of the pitying look in his wife's eyes before she shook it out of her and began to help him remove his clothes. In the immediate aftermath of Zoe's departure he had managed to stumble back to the bedroom, still unsteady on his feet with the crutches regardless of him having reassured numerous patients in the past that even a fool could operate them. The cool temperature of Sam's skin against his own as her fingers unbuttoned his jeans before she bent down in front of him to slide them off jarred slightly, but her careful touch felt warm and safe nevertheless, far removed from his feelings towards his current partner's embrace earlier on.

Dylan found his eyes following Sam around as she fetched and carried items for him, doing her utmost to make him feel comfortable as she checked on his wound and settled him back into the bed before pulling up the covers around him. He knew that his wife was a beautiful woman, but tonight she looked stunning and whilst it hurt to know she had been dressed up like this to meet someone else he decided he would rather not know to whose arms it was she had earlier fled, only silently praying that they would treat her better than he had ever managed. He felt himself flush with surprise and unexpected desire when she quickly changed into her pyjamas in front of him, even though she had turned away from his stare to protect her modesty, something he recalled that she had always done even when they had actually been together. Her lack of confidence in her own appearance had always felt inconceivable to him, but he knew that he was far from an expert in the female mind, especially when that female was as much of a contradiction as his Samantha.

She finished changing and threw her clothes into the laundry bin in the corner of the room before turning back to face her husband's still intent stare and rolled her eyes at him for his stubborn refusal to look away. Sam sat down on the bed beside him yawning as she did so, before moving to lie on her side so she could see him more clearly.

"Was it a good meal?" she asked politely, unsure if she actually wanted to hear the answer or in truth even cared if Zoe had enjoyed her evening.

"It was fine," Dylan responded without any emotion. "The food was better than I remembered it being though," he added with a slight chuckle. "I do seem to recall your previous attempts used to leave me considering in advance whether we had any possible remedies for food poisoning in the house just in case."

"Oi," Sam replied indignantly but with a wry smile. "I was never that bad," she continued before pausing. "Or maybe I was, but I had to learn sometime right?"

"Well it was either that or you were using tonight to try and bump us both off," Dylan countered, pushing his luck as far as he knew she could take it but remembering as he did all the times they had been as playful as this in the past. He was certain that his wife had been the only person who had ever really seen this side of him and it had been her ability to look past all the serious situations they found themselves dealing with both professionally and personally but still cause him to raise a smile that had attracted him to her in the first place.

"Don't think I didn't consider it," she retorted before picking up the pillow from her side of the bed. "And if you're rude about my cooking again, don't think I won't use this against you," she explained, waving the cushion in his face before yawning again and curling herself up against the softness of the pillow she had just placed in front of her, allowing her eyes to drift closed as she did so. "Ow," she shrieked as Dylan poked her side with his finger. "Did you really have to do that? I was getting quite comfortable here thank you very much."

"Firstly you seem to have forgotten that you don't sleep here," Dylan interjected, sensing her annoyance but trying to resolve the situation regardless. "And secondly you can't sleep here because I cannot guarantee there won't be a repetition of earlier on," he justified, recalling to mind once again the abject humiliation he had felt on discovering that due to his catheter issues he had urinated on his bed clothes.

"Firstly," Sam responded mimicking his tone and forcing one eye to open to stare at her husband. "You and her left the kitchen and living room in a mess, so if you want me to sleep out there you need to hire a cleaner," she continued sarcastically. "Secondly, I don't care about any of that Dylan, I know you were embarrassed but this is me and you remember? You don't need to feel like that with me," she added. "And thirdly, I hated that sofa when you bought it in the first place so if you think I am going to continue sleeping there you have another thing coming. You can come up with an alternative tomorrow if you want to, but right now I am staying put," she concluded, knowing full well that whatever her husband thought he was in no physical state to kick her out of the bed.

"Well this isn't the most satisfactory solution," Dylan snapped back harshly, before he glanced back over at the drowsy woman collapsed in a heap next to him. "But if you are going to stay there then at least get under the blasted blanket. I do not want you freezing to death when there is a perfectly good quilt underneath you," he added, watching with amusement as the apparently half asleep woman suddenly jumped up alert to get under the covers. "Just to warn you though, if you think I am sleeping with the light on you have another thing coming. Some of us actually need darkness to get a good night of rest."

"Mmmm," Sam murmured from beside him as he reached across to turn off the lamp switch. The room descended into total blackness instantaneously and Dylan settled himself back into the semi-seated position that seemed to best suit his current array of injuries in terms of pain management and comfort, before he felt the flicker of his wife's fingers against the skin of his arm under the duvet. In all the time had known her he could count on his fingers the number of times she had managed to sleep a straight night through in the pitch dark but on each of those occasions when it had been thrust upon them she had only managed to soothe herself off to sleep by being able to feel his presence beside her. The familiar feel of her touch on his arm and having her so close was so incredibly difficult to bear, given how far apart they had drifted in the fourteen months they had separated, yet as he lay there staring silently at the ceiling willing sleep to come he knew that somehow it was the only thing that made sense. He could only hope that regardless of what plans they made in the morning Zoe never found out about this particular sleeping arrangement, as he very much doubted she would be capable of understanding the feeling it conveyed.

In the bed beside her husband Sam opened her eyes and chewed down on her lip at the all-consuming darkness she was faced with. That Dylan had not flinched at her touch brought a slight smile to her face, in that it was apparent he too remembered the night they had spent so very close together after the storm triggered power cut had forced her to face her very real fear of falling asleep in the dark. However that he now appeared to be falling sleep with her lying so nearby was confusing nonetheless, as although it was she in her slightly tipsy state that had initiated this chain of events the reality of being so close to her husband yet to incredibly far away was killing her.

So as ever thank you for reading and reviews are always welcome. I will update as soon as I can. Callie x