Thank you very much to everyone who read the last part, especially to Rachel and Freya for reviewing. I am glad people are enjoying this fic and your support is much appreciated. This update is dedicated to the lovely Meggi, plus Ficmouse and Anny for our wonderful middle of the night conversations plotting fanfic ideas until the early hours - what would I do without you? Oh and also for Freya, thank you for your message and I hope you feel better soon!
So here is chapter 16, I hope you enjoy.
For better, for worse
Chapter 16
Friday 9th March 2012
Sam glanced up at the ticking clock that was emitting the only noise in the otherwise silent room before turning her gaze to her wordless husband sitting motionless on the chair beside her. She knew him well enough to know that whilst his face was utterly expressionless the tension in his hands as he clasped his fingers tightly into his palms indicated the level of shock and distress he was feeling. The consultant had left the room almost immediately after informing them that due to Dylan's scan results the operation was likely to be delayed for up to three months in order to give his shattered body a chance to heal substantially before they rectified the damage caused by his injuries, meaning that whilst she knew his broken bones would soon begin to repair themselves encased in plaster, he would have to learn to deal with his internal wounds for quite some time still to come. The consultant had been a different one to any of those she had previously spoken to over Dylan's care and whilst Nick had confirmed for her that this particular doctor was one of the best in his field, Sam couldn't help but think that her husband must be considered one of the most difficult patients in Holby given that no medical practitioner seemed to want to deal with him more than once.
"You will be called back before the operation date," Dylan stated matter-of-factly. "Although I should be able to self-catheterise by then, so I won't need you," he added bluntly, recognising the coldness in his own tone as he took out his disappointment over his current medical state on his young wife but also reflected on the enormity of the task he had actually asked her to complete when he had indicated he had wanted her to stay by his side in the first place.
"The army will just have to wait," Sam replied without hesitation, triggering him to look her directly in the eye as she vocalised that thought by making it sound the most obvious thing in the world. "I said I would stay until you were back to full physical fitness and I meant it, I'm not going anywhere," she continued, reaching out to squeeze his hand with her own. "Not until you ask me to leave anyway. We might be separated, but I'm still your wife and the promises I made still stand, I already told you that."
Dylan briefly looked down to where Samantha's hand was still firmly attached to his own before returning to stare at her face intently. He watched as her cheeks reddened slightly as he failed to turn his gaze away and moved to link his fingers in with her own, remembering as he did so how comfortably familiar the feel of her skin had been against his body when he had awoken beside her that morning, as she had slept in the exact same position she always had done when they were together with one hand gripped around his arm and her other locked into his own, fingers clasped together so tightly as if she had been scared he may not be there when she reopened her eyes. Dylan pondered momentarily on that thought, as if anything that had been one thing she had no cause to worry about the previous night given that he would have been unlikely to be able to leave the bed itself, never mind make his way off the boat, given his current state of health and yet his wife had never once broken her grasp even whilst she slept so soundly. It had continued to be a source of bemusement to him that a couple as private and against public displays of affection as the two of them spent their moments alone wrapped so tightly together, especially as he had never been that intimately close with anyone before or since, but Samantha appeared to have a need to remain attached to him like superglue in spite of her outward displays of confidence.
"Mr and Mrs Keogh," the consultant stated as he barrelled back through the door of the small examination room and caused them both to jump, although surprisingly to Sam her husband continued to hold onto her hand as if his life depended on it. "Apologies that I was away so long, but here is the paperwork I was referring to," he justified, thrusting the patient leaflet towards Dylan much to his obvious annoyance.
"It's Dr Keogh," Sam heard her husband state bluntly, refusing to reach his hand out to take the offered sheet of paper and instinctively she instead found herself taking it from the disgruntled looking man who was seating himself across them desk from them and shooting him a thankful look despite knowing the documentation would be a simple irrelevance to them both.
"Of course," the doctor responded apologetically. "Now, due to the delay in scheduling your procedure we will need to review alternative catheterisation options, as I am sure you are aware with your medical knowledge that the current arrangements are not best suited to a longer term plan," he explained, but received no acknowledgement to his words from Dylan other than a dismissive glare. "Have there been issues with the catheter since its insertion?"
"No, none at all," he replied brusquely, causing Sam to snap her head round to stare at him disbelievingly at the blatant untruth he had just spoken due to the difficulties they had encountered the previous day that had warranted them dealing with such a mutually embarrassing situation as her having to clean him up in the bathroom before washing his drenched bedclothes.
"Mrs Keogh?" the consultant questioned, drawing her from her thoughts. "Did you have something you wanted to add?"
"No, nothing at all," Sam answered and almost mirrored her husband earlier words, as she felt that despite what he had said she had no real choice but to confirm Dylan's ascertain so that she did not create an unpleasant scene. If she had not had the medical knowledge and experience to deal with the situation that had occurred only twenty four hours previously she knew that she would have said something but the grouchy expression on her husband's face indicated to her that he was unlikely to appreciate any intervention she chose to make at this time. "There is one thing," Sam stated, taking a deep breath as she felt her husband's fingers tighten around her own as a warning signal. "Dylan is concerned about whether the injuries he has sustained will impact on his ability to have children," she ended almost as curtly as her husband usually spoke, feeling him tense up beside her as he obviously realised exactly what subject she had taken the conversation onto.
"Dr Keogh," the consultant responded. "And Mrs Keogh, I cannot give you any absolute certainties at the present moment unfortunately but I am sure that you would understand that. However I don't doubt that there will be a close to full recovery in these circumstances and therefore as long as the two of you are not discussing having a child together in the next six to twelve months I do not anticipate that you will have any difficulties conceiving due to these injuries," he described, his tone reassuring.
"Well actually," Sam started to say in an attempt to clarify that it was not actually her that Dylan would want to have a child with in the first place.
"Thank you," Dylan stated simply in reply. "That is much appreciated," he finished, causing Sam to stare at him in confusion at the fact that he had not only failed to correct the other man's assumption but also that he had seemed nothing but relieved to hear the consultant's positive response.
Mere minutes later Sam walked alongside her husband, supporting Dylan as they made the incredibly slow journey from the ward towards the E.D. at his insistence, despite him having seemed concerned before that point at any of his colleagues witnessing his current poor state of health. His stubborn refusal to use the provided wheelchair since they had left the confines of the boat that morning had not exactly been unexpected in her eyes, but he was still incredibly unsteady on his feet and therefore Sam knew she was likely to spend the majority of the next few weeks stressing about the possibility of him tripping over himself and aggravating his injuries even further.
"He kept referring to you as Mrs Keogh," Dylan stated aloud as he recalled what it had felt like to once again hear that name. "It felt oddly familiar."
"Well it is still my name, technically at least," Sam answered with a shy smile.
"Yes, but even back when we were married you rarely used it," he countered smartly.
"It wasn't that I didn't want to," she retorted. "You know that it was never about that. The complication of us working together was strange enough sometimes, it would have been even weirder if we had both been called Dr Keogh," she continued, remembering the short periods they had been based together in the same department in the past. "Besides," she added with a smirk. "There could only ever be one Dr Keogh, two would have been far too confusing and the one I know is pretty unique."
"There is that," Dylan remarked, pausing slightly as the strain of walking on crutches began to take its toll on him before he continued at a snail's pace down the never-ending corridor. "But Keogh always did suit you well."
"Perhaps," Sam acknowledged, shrugging her shoulders slightly. "It was odd that your consultant thought I meant we would be having a baby together," she explained, knowing that she was likely to be heading into somewhat dangerous territory for the usually unemotional man. "Not that I actually knew you even wanted a child until yesterday."
"He wasn't an idiot Samantha," Dylan replied curtly. "You were holding my hand, so unless the man had already known of our marital status, what exactly were you anticipating he thought when you put forward that question?" he asked her tersely. "Not that I gave you permission to raise such a topic in the first place that is," he added shortly, before his facial expression softened on seeing her chew on her lower lip. "It was irresponsible of us not to have had that conversation before we got married and that is as much my fault as it is yours. However I did think you would want children one day," he concluded with a look of confusion etched across his features.
"I did," Sam replied instantly. "I do," she added in clarification. "But even if we had talked about it there was never a right time with everything else that was going on," she continued sadly, remembering the chaos that their lives had spun into in the short time they had been together. "Can you imagine what damage we would have done to a child Dylan? Neither of us was in a strong enough place to actually take care of one, it would never have worked."
Dylan stumbled slightly as she finished her sentence and Sam found herself reaching out to place her hands on his shoulders to steady him and keep him upright. With him held so tightly in her grasp she felt a weird feeling overtake her as he glanced in her direction, thoughts of their baby related conversation still obviously on both of their minds as her touch against his body felt charged with electricity. The intensity of the stare they shared in that moment burnt against her eyes and forced her to look away, her cheeks reddening dramatically she was sure as she tried to work out quite what it was that her husband had been implying with his gaze.
Dylan began to once again move forward, having appeared to have regained his precarious balance and Sam started to walk slowly beside him, her stare focused straight onto the ground in front of them as she failed to look up and acknowledge the unspoken tension that now seemed self-evident between her and her former husband.
"Nick has offered me a job," she said quickly, changing the subject and trying to cover the emotion in her tone. "Not covering for you or anything, I'm nowhere near qualified enough for that, but he said the E.D. is short staffed and they could do with some locum help."
"When did he ask you that?" Dylan questioned, turning his head to look at the hunched over form of his wife with interest as it dawned on him that his Clinical Lead and ex-partner had inexplicably grown very close in the past few days.
"Last time I spoke to him," she replied non-committedly, forcing Dylan to consider whether that was the type of answer that it was more usual he gave than was on the receiving end of.
"And what was your answer?" he asked again, wondering quite why Samantha seemed to be having so much difficulty discussing her interaction with Mr Jordan with him.
"I didn't really give him one yet," she finally replied after a few seconds of silence. "I wasn't exactly sure what you would think of the idea, especially as I would be working with your colleagues and I didn't think you'd be particularly keen on me taking over your life again," she concluded with a sadness that Dylan found surprising.
"Don't be ridiculous Samantha," he answered with a snort. "I've already asked Zoe to talk to Mr Jordan about the very same subject I'll have you know."
"Really?" Sam queried incredulously, using if Dylan recalled a similar tone to that Dr Hanna had when she had responded to his same point. "I bet she was pleased," she added with more than a hint of sarcasm in her voice. "Are you sure you don't mind? I mean people are really going to talk about us if I am right in their face every day."
"I think it would be a necessary distraction for you," he responded with good humour. "Especially if I want to still be alive at the end of this."
"What do you mean?" she snapped slightly in consternation with a frown across her face.
"I'm not exactly known for my happy mood, am I?" Dylan queried, causing Sam to shake her head slowly in reply. "So the idea of the two of us trapped all day, every day for another three months or so aboard the boat would be hellish, well for you at least," he elaborated. "I know I've been getting on your nerves about things already and after a few more weeks of catheterisation I don't doubt I will be far worse," he continued. "I am pretty sure you could craft a defence of me driving you to the brink of insanity if you decided to bump me off, so regardless of the gossiping women downstairs I would rather you could work," he stated before pausing. "Besides I won't be there to witness what they are saying and you need to keep your skills up to date if you're determined to head back out to Afghanistan after all this."
"It's alright grumpy," Sam responded, touching his arm reassuringly as they reached the lift and she pushed the button to summons it to take them down to the department she would soon be joining it seemed. "You've not been that bad so far, I promise, and I will try not to throttle you unless you deserve it," she added as the lift doors pinged open and she helped him to manoeuvre himself inside. "I guess there is another positive too," she added, acknowledging the sense of dread that filled her stomach as she thought about it. "If we get the shift pattern sorted out well enough, it should give you much more time alone to spend with Zoe."
The lift doors opened again and the noise of the busy E.D. that was usually the place Dylan spent the majority of his time filled his ears. In comparison to the quiet side room he had been provided with upstairs and the comforting isolation he, Sam and Dervla had spent a significant amount of time in the last few days, the sound was close to overwhelming. He allowed his ex-wife to guide him towards the staffroom where he could see Zoe standing talking with Mr Jordan in the doorway and tried to ignore that his entire colleague group was standing watching him from the centre of cubicles as they walked through, the first time he had borne witness to them seeing Samantha present by his side as he had not been conscious throughout their earlier spell in resus eight days before.
"Three months," Sam stated simply as the two of them arrived close enough to the talking doctors for Dr Hanna and Nick to hear her speak. "The operation might not be scheduled for another three months."
"Right," Nick responded instantly, recognising the disappointment that crossed Zoe's face in the intervening wordless moments but unsure whether this was due to her concern over Dylan's state of health or the likely outcome that the younger woman would therefore be staying put for the foreseeable future. "You did think that there might be a delay, didn't you? Why don't you come in here for a moment and sit down."
Dylan and Sam moved slowly past Nick and Zoe in the doorway before the four of them came to stand by the comfortable chairs in one corner of the staffroom, with Sam gradually lowering her husband down so that he could be seated rather than remain standing before the other three people present joined him on the chairs, Zoe sitting herself somewhat closer to Dylan than she would have done usually but trying to regain some sense of her position in this situation.
"I came to tell you that I am in agreement for Samantha to commence work in the department," Dylan explained breaking the silence of the room and speaking directly towards his Clinical Lead, but noticing the slightly guilty look that passed across Zoe's face as he did so and realising she had not thought to mention his suggestion to their boss in the first place. He was aware that seeing Mr Jordan to make this suggestion had been the only reason he had been willing to brave the stares of his E.D. colleagues in the first place but given he was now aware his boss had already put forward the idea anyway it had felt like the perfect opportunity to make the necessary arrangements. "I do think that I may require her services full time for perhaps another week as I am still somewhat unsteady on my feet as I am sure she will testify," he added reluctantly.
"I would probably need a week to get the paperwork sorted anyway," Nick responded, happy at the thought of getting his own way and having the young woman become part of his team. "Should we say a week on Monday perhaps?"
"Hello?" Sam interjected, making her presence in the room felt to the two men who she had noticed were discussing her without even acknowledging her right to have an opinion on events. "I'm not that keen on people making decisions for me, so it would be good to be included in the plans," she continued. "However next Monday sounds fine by me if it works for you," she ended, staring at first her husband and then Nick and trying to ignore Zoe's glare drilling a whole through her head.
"So how is this going to work then?" Zoe interrupted proceedings, feeling rather annoyed that despite her failing to mention Dylan's master plan idea of the night before to Nick it appeared that he had already offered Sam a job in the department regardless, even though he had failed to consult her over doing so. "I thought you needed round the clock care? That's why Sam is staying in the first place?" she questioned, making the point that if Dylan would soon be able to manage for periods without the girl it seemed a little pointless that she stayed at all.
"I'm sure Dylan will fill you in properly," Sam started hesitantly, noting the irritation in Zoe's voice as she had spoken. "But from what we have been told, his broken bones are healing well, so he should be able to get about a bit easier soon enough. However he will still need help with things, um, like washing and getting dressed, and the catheter, and stuff," she continued, shutting her eyes momentarily and shaking her head as she did so upon realising that all of the things she had just cited were intimate and personal experiences that would require her to be in close proximity to a semi-dressed Dylan and therefore were unlikely to reassure the other woman that her intentions were innocent in the circumstances.
"I was going to suggest that for part of the week at least the two of you work on opposing shifts," Nick put forward, trying to dampen some of the uncomfortable feeling that he could sense between the two women he cared about so much. "That way if you two want to spend some time together," he continued, gesturing towards Dylan and Zoe. "You can make arrangements for when Sam is at work, so you could have the whole day together or something. Anyway, Sam, why don't I take you round and give you the guided tour and we can leave these two to have a chat. I'm sure Dylan you need some time to update Zoe on exactly what was said in your consultation before you leave."
"Quite," Dr Keogh responded tersely as he watched his Clinical Lead beckon his ex-wife from the room, his hand touching her shoulder as he guided her out into the department.
"Well that was tense," Nick stated with a wry smile, pulling Sam back round to face him as soon as they were out of sight of the view from the staffroom window. Without speaking the younger woman leant into him and pressed her forehead onto his chest so he drew his arms around her back and held her close, offering her reassurance that he would stay by her side if she ever needed him.
"I don't know if I can do this," Sam's muffled voice came from below where he had come to rest his chin atop her head and he felt the warmth of her breath as she spoke blow through his shirt. "The consultant thought we were together, he kept calling me Mrs Keogh," she added, recalling how that name had once made her smile like no other words could but now caused her heart to break at how badly she had screwed up the chance to be the wife of such an incredible man.
"That must have been difficult to hear," Nick said kindly, removing his arms and pushing her away from him slightly so that he could hold her at arms-length and study her face. "But however hard it is, and believe me I know that this isn't easy for you, I can see how much you want to make it work. Starting work here is going to help, it will give you some space to do your own thing and have a focus," he continued. "Plus, quite selfishly, I like having you around and they aren't a bad bunch here. You've already met Lenny and Linda, and a few of the others, and once they have stopped finding it quite so strange that Dr Keogh was married, I'm sure you are going to get on with them really well," he concluded, rubbing her arm and being pleased to see the smile he got in response.
"If you can't see that, then seriously there is no hope for you," Linda stated, triggering Tom and Lenny to roll their eyes in mock annoyance at the Liverpudlian nurse as they watched their Clinical Lead and his new friend from across cubicles. "Look how close they are standing next to each other and how Jordan keeps grabbing at her arm," she commented, pointing out all the possible hints of a relationship she could see evolving in front of her eyes.
"She's been through a rough time," Lenny replied without real thought, as although he was as intrigued as his new girlfriend by the young woman's connection with both Dr Keogh and Mr Jordan, he knew that he was already in far too much trouble with the latter to allow himself to get too involved in gossiping over the man's personal life. "He's probably just offering her a shoulder to cry on, I mean she came to see her husband and instead finds he is dating someone else, that would be a little difficult for anyone."
"There is more to it than that, there has to be," Linda answered, her voice conspiratorial as she leant forwards to speak in hushed tones to the two male doctors. "Given the scandal from when she got together with Dr Keogh it's pretty obvious she has a weakness for older males, especially senior doctors and yet you think there is nothing going on there?" she questioned, pointing directly across to where the young woman was giggling at something Mr Jordan had already said before the pair turned to head over in their direction, the Clinical Lead calling E.D. staff over to where they were standing and causing the three of them to busy themselves with paperwork in an effort to appear to be working when he arrived.
"I'm not saying anything is going on," Tom replied to Linda's earlier words in a whisper. "But if there was, I'd hardly blame him. I mean, look at her," he added, glancing up in her direction. "You'd hardly turn that down would you? What someone like her ever saw in grouchy Dr Keogh I have no clue, but if she wasn't his ex-wife I'd be interested, wouldn't you?" he queried, causing Lenny to grin back at him in agreement before he was subjected to Linda batting him on the arm in annoyance at her partner ogling Dr Nicholls as she approached.
"Children, children," Nick called across to his junior doctors and Nurse Andrews as he reached the central desk with Sam by his side and they were instantly joined by the majority of the team. "Right, most of you have already met Dr Nicholls here, but for those of you that haven't Dr Nicholls is an experienced army medic, who has served tours in Afghanistan, but she has also been on secondment in several E.D.s back in the UK and therefore I am sure you are going to learn a lot from working alongside her, when she joins our team in about ten days' time," he explained, witnessing as he did the mixture of surprise and agreement that his staff group expressed in response to his announcement. "Obviously primarily Dr Nicholls is in Holby to take care of Dr Keogh until he is fully fit to return back to work with us again but in the meantime. I am sure I don't need to tell any of you to make her feel welcome here in the department."
"Thanks," Sam interjected, feeling fairly confident by his side despite the eyes of every member of her new team being upon her. "And it's Sam by the way. I'm looking forward to working here, Dylan has nothing but good things to say about this place," she added, vocalising the comment from an inference she had taken from the tone of her ex-husband's voice when he had spoken about work in the previous few days. She knew that regardless of his motives in wanting her out of the way to spend time with Dr Hanna, Dylan would never have suggested she work in his hospital if he had not felt it was an appropriate environment for her. Although she considered for a second, given that he had last seen her off into a warzone he may well believe that even the worst NHS placement would be somewhat more suitable for her than that.
"Dylan is ready to go," Zoe stated as she appeared beside Sam, who turned to see her husband standing motionless but balanced on his crutches across the space from where she stood. "I told him I will call tomorrow about coming round over the weekend. I'm sure you've got things to sort out, so I don't mind staying for a while if you need to go out."
"Thanks," Sam replied uncertainly, knowing that she had nowhere else to go regardless but unsure if Zoe's act was one of genuine kindness or of a more devious nature. She saw that Nick had been interrupted by a nurse showing him a scan so moved slightly back away from the crowd of people to hover and wait to say goodbye before she left with Dylan for the day.
"You're seriously not going to try and tell me nothing is going on now are you?" Linda cackled quietly in the direction of Lenny and Tom, but within earshot of Zoe who cocked her head slightly to better hear her friend speak. "Since when do people get given jobs that quick eh? She was Dylan's mentee before she started seeing him and now Jordan's protégé. You mark my words; if they aren't already together they will be within two weeks."
Zoe frowned at hearing the reference to the ever growing closeness between her ex-partner and her current partner's ex-wife as she watched Sam slowly walk back towards her former husband, because whilst she felt certain Nick had initially been maintaining nothing but a professional interest in Sam she knew from comments he had made that the two of them talked at least daily and had shared a drink in his office on more than one occasion. The girl seemed far too young for him to have a serious interest in romantically, but despite that she couldn't help but consider that like Dylan, Jordan was nothing but a red blooded male and the attentions of a young, attractive female may prove too difficult to resist now the girl was sticking around.
"Sam," Nick called out as he returned to the desk only to see his newest employee heading out towards the exit of the cubicle area having met Dr Keogh waiting for her to depart with him. "I meant to give you this back," he stated with a smile as she headed back in his direction and he made his way over to her, pulling a small fold up hairbrush from his jacket pocket as he did so. "I think you must have dropped it in the car last night," he suggested and Sam nodded in response, grateful to be reunited with the item and instinctively smiling at him.
"I'll call you tomorrow," she stated quietly, not wanting to be overheard. "Zoe's coming over so perhaps….."
"We'll have dinner or something, don't worry," Nick replied sympathetically. "A non-date date," he added.
"The best kind," Sam answered with a laugh. "I'd better go," she said, glancing back towards her husband. "People will talk and that would be too weird for words," she concluded with a mock sneer, allowing Nick to pat her on the shoulder before she ran back towards her husband and followed him slowly through the double doors that led to the exit, carefully preventing the heavy weight of the doors swinging back onto him as he walked through.
"He had her hairbrush?" Lenny questioned from across the room, glancing towards Linda and Tom with raised eyebrows. "When exactly were they in a position that meant she would leave her hairbrush behind?"
"I told you they were seeing each other," Linda replied with confidence, before stalking off across the room with her two male companions following close behind sharing thoughts on the apparent state of events.
From her position behind the nearby desk Zoe stood motionless and considered their words carefully, as if she had not been suspicious before that moment she was now. Yet whilst she knew it would solve her immediate problem if Sam was ensconced in a relationship with someone new, she felt nauseous at the thought of that person being Nick, especially as she considered Sam dating Zoe's own ex-partner may well be the young girl's warped way of making trouble and were only likely to draw Dylan's attention further back onto her just like it had been the night before.
Thank you for reading, it means a lot and reviews make me smile, so if you press the lovely "review" button below that will make me very happy.
Callie x