So apologies first of all that this has taken so long to post, I seem to have gotten out of the habit of writing these last two weeks but am finally back in the mood and therefore ready to write again. Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed the last update, with extra special thanks to Anny, Meggi and Ficmouse for as ever being there at very random moments of the night when I am stressing myself out. Much appreciated as ever. Also thank you to everyone on twitter for chattering to me about this fic, makes me happy to know you are enjoying reading it.

So chapter 17, hope you enjoy.

For better, for worse

Chapter 17

Monday 19th March 2012

Sam stifled a yawn as she came out of resus and headed towards the relative sanity of cubicles. She knew that she would never be prepared to admit that one shift at what she had assumed was just a run of the mill local Emergency Department had tired her out this much, especially when she had jested to both Nick and Dylan on a number of occasions over the preceding week that the NHS was a breeze in comparison to her substantive role in Afghanistan. It had done her very few favours that her reputation as a tough army medic had been built up quite so much with her new team, as despite their support all Sam had left in her current situation was her pride in staying strong given the weirdness of the circumstances she had landed in with her ex-husband and therefore cracking under the pressure of caring for him and working full time was not even an option. It felt odd to recall all the times she had joked with her comrades back at Camp Bastian about them taking an easy option of a secondment back to a civilian hospital, when in fact it appeared that it was only distance from the stresses of a suburban E.D. that had lessened her expectations of quite how much work was involved.

Sam spotted Zoe talking to one of the nurses she had yet to learn the name of in the corner of cubicles as she approached the main desk and instinctively shook herself to ensure she woke up a bit. It wasn't that getting caught out by anyone feeling like hell wouldn't have been mortifying enough but if nothing else Sam was determined not to appear like a complete failure in front of the older woman who had captured her husband's heart. It had been for that reason that she had been up before dawn that morning to prepare everything that Dylan may need for the day ahead, his first spent alone since the accident. She had set out food, books, his laptop, bottled water and a flask of coffee on the table by the sofa, alongside his pain medication and the phone, so that whatever occurred he did not have to move if he had not felt up to it and she had phoned him on the hour, every hour, despite his obvious annoyance at such regular interruptions to the peace and quiet that she knew he had been craving since she gate-crashed his life less than three weeks before. From the one remark she had overheard Zoe making on the circumstances earlier on when they had been working alongside each other in resus, it had been clear that the other woman in Dylan's life had also been calling him to check on his welfare with almost as clockwork regularity and it was with the idea that the quality of her care for him may be questioned that Sam knew she would be up exactly the same time the following day to repeat the routine, if only to satisfy both her own and Dr Hanna's doubts that she was up to this particular task.

Sam reached the desk in the centre of cubicles and looked across the room to where a professional looking woman sat in a hospital bed accompanied by her young child, a little kid who was apparently as bored with being in hospital as Dylan had been in his own stay. The sight took Sam's mind back to the conversation she had last had with her husband over a week before, when he had raised the subject of having a child and whilst she knew it had hurt that he had never even considered having a baby with her when they had been together, she found herself having to accept that she would never have coped with the realities of having a child regardless. She recognised full well that she was barely managing to deal with the practicalities of caring for a grown man and start work, never mind a helpless new-born baby or demanding toddler, a mini version of its grumpy father for sure. If Dylan and Zoe wanted a child together then she was certain the other woman would cope with the situation far more admirably, in fact there was very little Sam figured the seemingly unflappable Dr Hanna would be unable to deal with more successfully than her.

"I won't tell anyone if you won't," Charlie stated conspiratorially as he appeared beside her and Sam shot her head round to look at him in confusion. "That you're tired out," he continued with a wry smile. "It's not as easy it seems is it?"

"Me? Tired?" Sam answered sarcastically, before pulling a face at the earnest expression of the senior nurse and wondering how he had seen through her quite so quickly. "It's not Helmand, I'll grant you that," she clarified, rubbing her eyes desperately to wake herself up a bit more.

"Give it a chance ok?" the man responded, patting her on the shoulder in an unexpected gesture and triggering Sam to nod in reply.

"Dr Nicholls?" a female voice came from behind her and she turned to see both Tess and Nurse Conway standing there, the younger woman clutching a patient file and staring at her intently. "Kate Brooke's test results are back," Scarlet explained and passed her the paperwork, which Sam accepted willingly before following the nurse out towards CDU.

"How do you think she is settling in?" Tess asked Charlie as they watched Dr Nicholls and Nurse Conway disappear through the double doors. "I'm not certain how she is going to deal with the day to day work; she seems a little too keen on excitement for my liking."

"Well she isn't Dylan that much is for sure," Charlie responded thoughtfully. "I like her, she definitely knows her stuff but I can't see her thriving in CDU or cubicles really and Nick can't keep her in resus the whole time, never mind her expertise."

"No," Tess acknowledged. "He hasn't done her any favours with the others letting her go on that shout earlier, not on her first day," she justified. "She might have been the first to volunteer but she will put everyone's noses firmly out of place if she keeps getting to do that. Did you see Dr Lyons' and Dr Kent's faces?"

"Did we see their faces about what?" Nick stated, interrupting them as he approached and noticing the glance that passed between the two senior nurses when he spoke.

"When Dr Nicholls went out on that shout with Dixie and Jeff earlier," Tess clarified. "Especially as it was her first day."

"I think it will do them good to have a bit of competition," Nick replied, meeting the nurse's stare with a telling one of his own. "They could do with shaking up a bit those two and besides Sam won't be here for long," he added, not seeing the problem with the decision he had made to allow her slightly preferential treatment over the two male junior doctors. "How is she getting on anyway? I've not seen much of her since she came back in."

"She's getting there," Charlie answered understandingly. "I think being back in an E.D. when she would rather be in a warzone might just take a few days to get used to, that's all. She definitely seems to know her stuff though, just perhaps a little rough around the edges," he elaborated, turning to Tess to seek her agreement with his assessment.

"I would say she needs to drop the slightly feisty attitude with patients and her colleagues," Nurse Bateman added witheringly. "However if she stops rubbing people up the wrong way then I have no doubt Dr Nicholls will fit right in."

The doors to the cubicle area burst open and a rather irate looking Sam reappeared through them, before storming back over to the desk and slamming her paperwork down in front of the three of them and Zoe who had also headed towards the gathering.

"How do you do this every day?" Sam stated angrily, annoyance seething through her veins. "I've seen boys younger than that girl blown up in front of my eyes stepping on an IED," she ranted to the group. "When I was in London I patched up kids who'd been shot or stabbed and had to deal with people who'd been smashed up in major accidents, and then you get girls like her," she continued, trying and barely managing to hold her temper. "This is an E.D. so why the hell am I dealing with spoilt little brats with twisted ankles and a bad attitude to match?" she questioned. "People like her are a complete waste of NHS resources."

"They are still patients though, just like all the rest," Zoe answered her dismissively as the two nurses silently excused themselves from the situation and left Mr Jordan to deal with the tension that had been apparent between the two women all day. "They all deserve treatment equally, whatever your personal view on their situation," she added, reaching an unsettling silent impasse with the argumentative younger woman.

"It's just not what you are used to," Nick interjected, patting Sam on the back. "Zoe's right though, everyone who comes through the doors gets our understanding and treatment regardless of our opinion on them," he continued slightly more sternly. "Remember that in a lot of cases like this one there is usually more to it than how the patient initially presents. Perhaps if you talk to the girl," he suggested. "Maybe there is a reason for the attitude and the fact that she is here, rather than at her GP. Bedside manner, Dr Nicholls, is the most valuable of skills."

"I think I failed that module," Sam retorted, knowing that her superior had hit a sore point. "I prefer my patients unconscious, they are far less complicated that way," she contemplated aloud, remembering that regardless of their inclinations for different types of cases, the key similarity she shared with Dylan was a preference for patients who did not require tears being mopped up or their complex personal circumstances being pulled apart in order to treat their medical conditions.

"You'll get there," Nick countered, before reaching out and grabbing her shoulders, turning her around and giving her a gentle push. "Now go back and deal with that girl," he added, placing the file she had slammed down moments beforehand into her hands. "Oh and Sam I want to see you before you go home," he called out after her as she left, causing her to spin round and smile back at him before she departed the room.

"If looks could kill," Charlie whispered to Tess from their vantage point across the cubicle area. "Zoe appears far from impressed by the situation."

"I just hope that this connection between him and Sam is more than him flattering his ego now that Zoe is in a committed relationship with Dr Keogh," Tess responded flatly, both the senior nurses silently accepting that the new young doctor may have gotten herself unwittingly caught up in the long outstanding ending of the relationship between Mr Jordan and Dr Hanna, whether or not that was on the mind of any of those concerned presently.

Sam had never been so grateful to see 6pm as she was on that particular day, as she watched the hands on the face of the clock in cubicles reach the milestone time and she hurriedly headed towards the staffroom, knowing from bitter experience of her one shift in Holby so far that if she stood still for long enough someone would appear with another half dozen minor injuries for her to look at. Even if she had not already been looking forward to getting back to the sanctity of the boat, the idea of staying in the E.D. any longer to treat what she knew she was harsh to term insignificant injuries was enough to send her scurrying to pick up her belongings and escape as quickly as she could. The shift had been enough to prove to her that her personality was far better suited to the regimented chaos of Afghanistan than it was Holby but despite that she knew she would be back again the following day, and the day after that.

It felt strangely unsettling to someone who was used to moving around quite so much as Sam had in recent years that there was something so welcoming about the E.D. she now found herself based at and she could understand completely how Dylan had, possibly initially against his better judgement, found himself sucked into working alongside this team. She pushed open the staffroom door and found herself instantly greeted by the younger staff contingent; all apparently as eager as she was to get out of work before another case dragged them back in.

"We're going out for drinks," the Liverpudlian voice of Linda came from across the room as Sam rustled through her locker. "Tom, Lenny and I," she continued, gesturing to the two men who Sam had found herself laughing with on more than one occasion that day. "You're more than welcome to join us," Nurse Andrews' added. "You both as well," she concluded, speaking directly to Scarlet and Lloyd who were chatting by the young nurse's locker.

"We can't, we already have plans," Lloyd answered sheepishly and Sam watched with interest as the remainder of those in the room raised their eyebrows at the suggestion of the other two possibly having more intimate plans of their own before Scarlet took Lloyd's hand and dragged him from the room, seemingly quite embarrassed by the whole situation.

"How about it then Sam?" Tom asked again after a momentary pause. "Save me being a gooseberry with these two all night," he explained with a grin, as Lenny reached over and smacked him good-humouredly on the arm for his comment.

"I would," Sam responded thoughtfully, "And I will, just not tonight. I've got things I need to get sorted," she added hastily, knowing that not only was she far too tired to appreciate the joys of anyone else's company that evening, she also needed to get back to Dylan and help him through his nightly routine of dressing changes and catheter maintenance. After the rollercoaster of experiences she had been through that day, Sam was certain that she would be grateful to get back to the familiarity of her husband's attitude towards her and more than anything, the lure of her duvet was incredibly appealing.

"So how is Dylan then?" Linda questioned and Sam found the eyes of all three present upon her once more. It was a query the woman had asked her in various formats over the period of the working day thus far and each time Sam had found a short answer that told her absolutely nothing in order to change the subject as best she could. She knew that Dylan was finding it difficult enough to cope with his own circumstances without the knowledge that his colleagues were gossiping about how he was dealing with the need for intimate personal care.

"He's fine," she replied hesitantly. "I think he'd like to be back on his feet, but he knows that will take a little time. We'll get there, but I can't be making plans to be out much at the moment, at least not until I have a routine better sorted out."

"How much do you talk when you've had a drink then?" Lenny asked and Sam found herself looking at him inquisitively. "She isn't going to shut up about this until she finds out more about you," he continued, causing Linda to glare at him indignantly. "And it's going to do my head in soon enough, but if you'll talk a bit more when you've had a few I'm going to have to drag you down the pub one night and let her interrogate you a bit just to get this over with."

"I'm not trying to pry," Linda answered sharply. "I'm just interested that's all, especially as I'm friendly with Zoe and I can see that this isn't an easy situation for anyone," she justified pointedly, but her face reddened slightly at it being implied she was just hunting for gossip about the love life of the doctors.

It's fine," Sam laughed, joining Tom and Lenny in their amusement at Linda's reaction and finding herself feeling happy in spite of the conversation topic that she appeared to be able to chat with these three and start making something akin to friendship, which not only had she been sadly lacking since her separation from Dylan but also was most likely the main reason Nick had offered her the job in the first place, to give her something else to focus on other than her husband and Zoe's relationship. "And for the record, I am more likely to talk when I am drunk and I will tell you all manner of stories, about the war and the things I've seen and done, but not Dylan, never Dylan," she added categorically and was pleased to see an acknowledgement of how seriously she meant this cross the faces of her new colleagues.

"Fair enough," Linda said, seemingly accepting that she would not be getting anything further in terms of gossip from her but with Sam knowing that as the woman was the one responsible for locating her wedding photo online back on only her second day in town Linda would be likely to try her luck again when Sam had settled in more. She was pretty certain from the little she had seen of Nurse Andrews in action so far that the woman would not be happy to remain unaware of the full story behind her marriage and separation, but given that only she and Dylan actually knew the real reasoning behind a great deal of it Sam was satisfied that Linda was going to have to remain playing private detective for the foreseeable future with little success.

"Perhaps Zoe could look after Dylan sometime, give you the night off?" Lenny queried.

"Dr Keogh does not need a babysitter Dr Lyons," Zoe stated sharply from the doorway, where she had appeared to collect her own belongings from the staffroom. "And I doubt very much he would appreciate you all discussing him," she added, glaring at Sam accusingly before approaching her locker.

"For the record, I wasn't discussing Dylan," Sam hissed at Zoe from her position almost beside her. "I had just pointed out that I couldn't join them for drinks after he had been home alone all day. That would hardly be fair would it?" she continued, matching Dr Hanna's unflinching stare with her own in a stubborn moment as neither woman wanted to be the first to look away.

"I'm not trying to make things difficult Sam, but this isn't easy for any of us," Zoe quietly insisted back, breaking her gaze and turning her attention instead to the contents of her locker. "However if you wait a week or so, I've agreed to change my shift pattern so I will be working almost opposite hours to you. Dylan should be able to get about more by then anyway, so if you want to do your own thing I'll be around to spend time with him."

"Right," Sam answered curtly, a sense of unease setting in. She knew that the idea of having time to herself and not being trapped in the confines of the boat should please her but the concept of her being usurped in Dylan's life by Zoe the moment he was a tiny bit more capable of fending for himself still hurt nonetheless. "I'll have a talk to him about how best we manage that then," she continued. "I don't want to make things difficult either but I said I would stay until he was better and that's more important than any socialising. Will we see you tonight?" she questioned. "Dylan didn't say if we had company for dinner or not?" she added, hoping that the answer would be a resounding no because after that shift she doubted that she was capable of awkwardly polite conversation with her ex-husband's partner across the dinner table.

"No," Dr Hanna replied without pause. "I thought you'd probably be tired after your first shift," she added pointedly, not wanting to acknowledge that she had actually offered to cook for Dylan as she had figured Sam may want to just sleep when she got in but had been brusquely told by the man himself that her presence would only seek to complicate things more than was necessary on her first day working alongside Samantha.

"Ah, here she is," Dixie's loud voice called across the staffroom and Sam turned to smile at the woman who had made her very welcome on her earlier call out to the scene of an accident. "The hero, or shall I say heroine, of the hour."

"It was nothing," Sam said, rolling her eyes but beaming inside at the compliment regardless.

"It wasn't nothing princess," Jeff stated as he entered the room behind his female colleague. "You did a good job out there today, we were very impressed. Cool as a cucumber under pressure this one," he said proudly, smiling at the young woman who had demonstrated a strength and determination in the face of the horrors of a crash scene only hours beforehand that he had rarely witnessed in an E.D. doctor. "Next time we need someone on a shout, we'll be asking for you don't worry," he added with a smile.

"Oi," Lenny called out from across the room. "I thought I was your favourite?" he asked with a mock-indignant expression and everyone in the room laughed, even Zoe in spite of herself.

"I think we have competition Lenny," Tom answered him with a grin and Sam feigned embarrassment at being considered a rival to her male colleagues. "Action Sam eh? We'll have to keep an eye on this one I think."

"I don't think there is anything wrong with a bit of healthy competition," Nick Jordan stated, entering the room from behind them all and placing a box of doughnuts down on the table in the middle of the room. "And these are for all of you, in honour of Dr Nicholls' successfully completing her first shift," he added with a twinkle in his eye as he caught sight of Sam's smile.

"My favourites," she quickly responded, before reaching past Tom and grabbing two from the box. "One for me and one for grumpy back home," she explained hastily on seeing her colleagues' about to protest. "He still works here too remember," she finished, noticing that either her public reference to Dylan as "grumpy" or the use of the word home appeared to have irritated Zoe if the expression on her face was anything to go by and made a mental note not to repeat those potential faux pas again. "I'd better get going, I'll see you all tomorrow," she stated to the room. "You wanted to see me before I went?" she remembered, turning to face Nick before biting into one of the doughnuts and using her resulting free hand to grab her coat and shut her locker before she followed him from the room.

"I still want to know how she got out on a shout with you in the first place?" Linda queried the paramedics with a shake of the head at her lack of comprehension as to why that turn of events had taken place. "It was her first day and she barely knows any of our protocols, so why he chose her over everyone else is anyone's guess," she concluded with a tone that caused Dixie and Jeff to look at her bemused as to what she could possibly be implying about the girl they had gotten to know a little out in the field and the Clinical Lead. "What do you think Zoe?" Linda questioned in Dr Hanna's direction.

"I don't know what to think anymore," Zoe answered sharply, knowing that adding fuel to Linda's fire would never be a positive, especially when it was likely to come back to haunt her own relationship with Sam's ex-husband in the future, but also feeling distinctly unsettled by all the tiny gestures that indicated to her that Nick was a lot closer to this young doctor than he had been any of his colleagues, including her, for some considerable time.

Two hours later Sam was busying herself cleaning up the kitchen after eating the most basic of microwaveable meals with Dylan and found herself grateful that he had always known she was never going to be a domestic goddess so therefore was unlikely to be surprised by the lack of sophistication that would be evident in her meals now she was back at work. Cooking had always been a bit of an afterthought for her, even on a good day, but when she was tired even the act of having to prepare a meal was beyond her capabilities. She glanced over to where Dervla was tucking into her dinner from the bowl on the floor and instantly felt guilty at the lack of a walk the dog had gotten that night, but knew that she was far too tired to take her out now.

"I'm sorry you daft thing," Sam said, bending down and ruffling the coat of the ever present canine companion. "I promise I will get up early enough tomorrow to take you out ok?" she asked and felt vaguely reassured when the dog looked up at her for a moment before returning to its evening meal. "Me and grumpy are going to bed, alright? I'll see you in the morning," she added, before heading in the direction of the bedroom, turning the majority of the lights off with the exception of the kitchen one, thinking it best not to add insult to injury by plunging the canine into total darkness whilst she finished her own evening meal.

"You haven't said much about work," Dylan stated accusingly from the bed as she entered the room she had helped him manoeuvre towards after they had eaten.

"Are you going to pretend you are interested in the pleasantries of what your colleagues are up to?" Sam questioned bemusedly, desperately praying that he did not ask her how it was to work alongside Zoe Hanna. "Because we both know that isn't true."

"No of course not," Dylan retorted, thinking that that much was obvious, with the exception of one notable person from the E.D. but given how terse the relationship appeared between Samantha and Zoe, even he accepted that it was perhaps appropriate not to ask how that had been. "I thought you may have had some patients you wanted to discuss, interesting or complex symptom presentations and alike," he added, reminiscing about some of his own cases prior to the accident several weeks before.

"Typical Dr Keogh," Sam responded coolly. "Always more interested in the medical conditions than the people but no just a few twisted ankles and broken bones, nothing complicated at all," she elaborated, choosing to leave out the part where she had climbed into a smashed up vehicle on a shout to administer pain medication to an elderly man before working with the paramedics to keep his heart going for long enough to get him into resus and stabilised. Dylan had always had an attitude about her willingness to put herself at risk to get a result and whilst she would freely admit that on the majority of occasions this had been to provoke a reaction from him, however unconsciously at the time, even she had realised the recklessness of her behaviour when she had been trapped in the vehicle as they cut the man free and found herself contemplating Dylan's fate if she too were to become injured at that moment. "Anyway, you haven't said much about your day either. I'm assuming everything was okay?"

"I'm not a child Samantha," Dylan answered curtly, before softening his expression somewhat at seeing a flash of anguish cross her face at his tone. "It was fine, highly uneventful. In fact I had a rather productive afternoon reading about the new diagnostic criteria for haemorrhagic strokes."

"Sounds fascinating," Sam responded with a roll of her eyes, remembering the days when she would come home from a run or training at the gym to find her husband incredibly animated about some piece of ground breaking research. She guessed that no more than a handful of people had ever seen him quite so expressive, but it had always impressed her how seriously he took his continued studying of emergency medicine. "Just so long as you were okay, that you coped without me. I mean if you need me to stay at home with you instead, I can do."

"I've had no choice but to cope without you for the last year, so I don't doubt that I am more than able to manage a few hours by myself whatever my injuries," Dylan replied, realising only when his wife grabbed her pyjamas from their resting place atop the chest of drawers and stormed into the bathroom that he may have made that sound far too harsh than his original intention. He remained focused on the closed door as he listened to her running the tap before wondering momentarily quite how much of his marital life with Samantha had been spent with her on the other side of a closed door, either with him shutting her out of his study or with her shutting him out of their room.

It was only minutes later that she returned silently and it was clear for even someone as emotionally closed off as Dylan knew he was that she had been crying, something he cursed himself for making happen.

"I need to check your catheter," Sam stated simply, refusing to make eye contact and instead lifting up the blanket that covered him. "Don't even think about protesting Dylan," she continued before he could speak. "This was the deal, I would go back to work but you would continue to let me do all the tasks the hospital said someone else needed to do for you," she concluded sadly, before she pulled his pyjama bottoms down enough to make the required checks to the bag, catheter and dressing.

"I didn't mean what I said," Dylan spoke as he tried not to focus on what her hands were doing and where her gaze was falling, squirming as he found the whole situation most uncomfortable. "It's just beginning to annoy me that I can't do very much for myself and whilst I coped fine in your absence and there were no disasters, I couldn't come and go as I pleased," he explained slowly. "You always said I worked best when I had my independence and own personal space," he stated, reminding himself of a time when Samantha had used very similar words to justify their separation at a point when he knew she had needed him the most. "It is frustrating to not be able to do anything when you aren't around, I just feel incredibly useless that I couldn't even stand long enough to help you microwave a meal when you are the one who has been at work all day."

"That's why I'm here Dylan," Sam answered, glancing up at him as she finished her task with clinical methodology and helped him redress himself before moving so he could bring the blanket back up around him. "I know this is difficult for you, but I could do without being snapped at especially today."

"Understood," he replied, hoping she would see this as the apology it was meant as. "You sleeping here tonight? You're more than welcome to; I mean you must be exhausted."

"Why?" Sam said with a laugh. "I mean we all know that I would work far harder in one hour in Afghanistan than I did today, the NHS is a positive breeze in comparison," she continued, knowing that this was a debate they had continued to have since her very first day as an army medic when she had attempted to describe to her husband how there really were different kinds of tiredness and that whilst she was not saying his job was easy, her new role had brought an alternative type of exhaustion with it. Sam stood up and for a brief moment considered heading back into the lounge to sleep before thinking better of it and taking up the offer of another night on the comfortable bed. Since that first time where she had tipsily crashed out beside him, she had spent every night lying next to him and whilst she was certain this was not a habit she should be developing she could not find the strength to break it, even knowing that if Zoe got hint of it her life would quickly get complicated.

Dylan watched as his wife appeared to dither over his offer before she clambered under the quilt next to him and he felt the reassuring warmth of her presence across the mattress. As she settled into her usual sleeping position curled up by his side he instinctively reached out to turn off the lamp on the cabinet beside his bed and was surprised when the all-encompassing darkness that he was anticipating failed to materialise, with light streaming through from the kitchen.

"Dervla wanted the light on," Sam whispered quietly. "And so do I, so you're outvoted tonight grumpy," she continued, placing her hand on his arm and snuggling herself down into the now familiar bed, knowing that she was so tired she would sleep well that night but feeling slightly victorious about the lack of complete darkness in the room regardless. She quickly closed her eyes and almost immediately she could feel herself drifting off into a welcome sleep.

Dylan lay awake trying, but failing, to summons up enough enthusiasm to wake his peacefully sleeping wife and order her to turn off the light, not believing for one minute that his obedient canine had been party to any decision to keep half the boat illuminated whilst he was trying to sleep. Despite the early hour he had been expecting Samantha to sleep easily that night, recognising how very tired she would be from her incredibly early start to help him prepare for his first day alone and then a shift in the oddly manic world of Holby City E.D. but he had not anticipated that he would be struggling this much himself to fall asleep beside her. Their very first night together had started off innocently enough, but the more time he spent sharing a bed with her the more frustrated he found himself becoming at how close they were yet how distant at the same time. He felt Sam's fingers wonder across his arm as she reached out across his chest, just as she always had done in their marital bed and in spite of his obvious injury he could feel something inside him stirring at how her touch was making him feel. Dylan tipped his head back, bit down on his lip and prepared for another excruciating night when his mind would not be prepared to switch off from thinking back to the years they had shared together, wrapped this close and exactly what he would do if he was physically capable of acting upon these feelings now. In fact all he wanted was a cold shower, like those he had been required to take in the weeks subsequent to his separation from the woman who had then and now dominated his mind. However that he would need her help to have any shower at all, just like he needed her help to carry out intimate examinations of a part of him that it was beginning to get incredibly difficult to allow her near, just made what was unready an agonizing situation even more unbearable.

Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed, please review and let me know what you think - mainly because that makes me happy!

The next part of this and To Look Out For You will be up in the week. Callie x