Part of the "A World of Hurt" series – an ongoing, only slightly AU series of whumpy tag fics to the each of the Season 3 episodes. By hook or by crook I will work some Shep whump into every episode.. if TPTB won't do it, then I'll just have to do it myself :) These stories are designed to fit in with the canon of Season 3 – imagine, if you will, that they take place "off-screen" before, during or after the episode, as appropriate.

This is the tag fic for McKay & Mrs Miller and written from Jeannie's POV. It deals with the ongoing repercussions (unshown in the episode) of the events of the previous episode Common Ground (and the events of the A World of Hurt tag fic to that episode). There will be one more chapter following this.

Reviews are love..

SPOILERS FOR MCKAY & MRS MILLER!

Jeannie Miller couldn't sleep. Oh, she'd tried, she really had. She'd resolutely switched off the laptop and put all thoughts of the experiment from her mind. She'd taken a shower and changed into the loose, comfortable clothes she usually wore to sleep in. She'd slipped into bed in the comfortable guest quarters she'd been assigned, she'd pulled the bed covers up to her chin and closed her eyes and… and tossed and turned for what felt like hours, alternating between staring at the ceiling and determinedly closing her eyes and willing sleep to come. Nothing. She didn't feel even remotely sleepy.

She just couldn't seem to get her brain to shut down. There was so much going on, so much to think about, to deal with.

It had been one heck of a day. Well, one heck of a month. Ever since Meredith had turned up on her doorstop, completely out of the blue, nothing had been the same. He'd waltzed back into her life after four years of silence, beamed her off the damn planet into a spaceship and now here she was, re-immersed in the world of theoretical physics, conducting an incredible experiment in a laboratory on a floating city in another galaxy, and feeling way too wired to sleep. Space travel was real, subspace was real, aliens were real, alternate dimensions were real, she was millions of light years away from her husband and her daughter, from the life she knew and, oh yeah, after four years with, effectively, no brother at all, she now had two Meredith's hanging around!

With a sigh of defeat, she threw back the bed sheets and sat up, swinging her legs over the side of the mattress to sit hunched on the edge of the bed. She'd sat here like this, just like this, in her nightclothes, perched on the side of the bed, the night before she'd left Earth; left Madison and Caleb. That night she'd sat and stared out of the window, gazing up at the stars in the night sky, knowing that her world had changed and would never be the same now that she knew that travelling to those stars was possible.. not only possible, it was happening. Her brother was doing just that. It didn't seem real.

Even here, in the Pegasus galaxy, in Atlantis, it didn't seem real. Her room here in the city of the Ancients had a window too.. and she could gaze up at the stars here too. But they weren't the same stars and she was so very far from home and so very out of her depth. So much was still new to her. Even Meredith.. he was new as well. He wasn't the brother she remembered. He had walked back into her life without so much as a by your leave, as arrogant as ever. And yet. And yet… he had done so much, seen so much, in the intervening years. And even as she saw in him so much that was familiar.. she also saw how he had changed.

This place had changed him; this place and these people. She'd seen how he acted around his team, had caught a glimpse of genuine hurt on his face when he'd found her laughing and joking in the mess hall earlier that evening…with his friends. Because, surprisingly, it seemed they really were his friends. Not that Meredith had never had friends before or anything… well… but these people were the last kind of people she'd have imagined Mer wanting to spend time with… or they wanting to spend time with him! An alien warrior who, if what she'd heard was true, had spent years living on the run from deadly alien creatures, surviving on instinct and strength alone; a beautiful alien woman, a leader of people, a diplomat and a fierce fighter in her own right. And Colonel Sheppard.. a military man. A pilot. A little bit cocky and a lot charming. The kind of guy that the Meredith she knew would have looked down his nose at and dismissed as a brainless grunt.

She had to wonder just what had happened here on Atlantis to forge these four unlikely characters into such close friends. She'd heard bits and pieces of stories; casual references and comments made in passing as she worked alongside Mer and Radek in the lab, hints of information from Mer during the 3 week journey on the Daedalus, rumours and exaggerations from the Daedalus crew members she'd chatted to sometimes in the ship's mess hall.

She knew the basics; that the four of them were one of many teams from Atlantis that travelled through the Stargate, exploring the Pegasus galaxy, searching for knowledge, for trading partners, for allies against their enemies (and just what the hell was a Wraith anyhow?) and finding, as often as not, trouble and danger. Just how much danger she was finding it hard to get a grip on because the Meredith she knew wasn't brave; he turned tail and ran from even the merest hint of a whiff of a possibility of danger. And right now his team didn't seem to be doing much of anything other than hanging around the city, relaxing, and laughing and giggling in the mess hall. But not all of the stories could have been exaggerated, right?

She'd tried asking Radek as he'd worked alongside her in the lab, Mer entirely absorbed in his work at another console, oblivious to those around him. He'd smiled easily enough when she'd asked him, "What do Meredith and his team actually do?" and explained a little about the stargate, about their remit to explore and learn, about the wealth of technology and information just waiting to be found in the Pegasus galaxy. And then a funny thing had happened. She'd mentioned how Meredith's team didn't seem to be doing much exploring at the moment and Radek's warm, gentle face had stiffened, his smile vanishing, and he'd muttered something about them being off-duty for the moment and suddenly found something in the readouts in front of him that he needed to devote all his attention to.

She'd still been wondering about that, amongst other things, hours later when she'd bumped into Colonel Sheppard in the corridor. Literally. She'd left the lab in a foul mood, having just been witness to how much Meredith hadn't changed, and had been walking hurriedly through the corridors of Atlantis, head down, blinking back tears of frustration as she thought about all she'd given up to come here and about how, after four years – four years dammit! – of non-contact, within mere weeks of walking back into her life Meredith still had the ability to upset her more than anyone else in the world. She was stupid to have expected things to have been any different. He still always had to be right, still didn't gave a damn about anybody but himself… if this was how he treated his own sister then how on earth did he have any friends on Atlantis?

She'd been knocked out of her furious reverie by an unexpected impact with something – someone – tall and surprisingly solid. She'd stumbled from the impact and two strong hands had grabbed her arms and held her upright and she'd found herself looking up into the oddly-coloured eyes of John Sheppard.

He'd been all aw shucks and sheepish apologies, setting her on her feet with a concerned smile, asking if she was okay. She'd been shaken enough, by the argument and the collision, for it not to occur to her until much, much later that his grip around her arms had been shaky and, despite his friendly smile and apologetic concern, he'd seemed somewhat distracted and uncomfortable, stepping back a little as he let her of her arms. He was dressed in loose jogging pants and a t-shirt, a water bottle rolling on the floor where he'd dropped it to catch hold of her, the hair at his temples still damp with sweat.

"I guess I should look where I'm going.." he'd offered, good-naturedly and she'd found herself laughing, some of the tight anger easing from her chest.

"Well, you're not the only one," she admitted ruefully, "and even more so in my case, seeing as I don't really know where I'm going!"

He'd looked at her in mock indignation. "You mean no-one's given you the grand tour yet? They drag you all the way out here to Pegasus and just throw you straight into a lab without even showing you around? Jeez, those scientists just don't know how to have any fun.."

He'd grinned and offered her his arm in exaggerated courtesy and his easy charm had coaxed an answering smile from her. And if his arm had been tense under her fingertips as he'd led her companionably along the corridor then she'd been too preoccupied by the beautiful city he showed her to give much thought to it.

He'd been an entertaining and informative guide, showing her his favourite spots in the city, mixing explanations of the function of various areas with amusing stories of events that had taken place there and outrageous tales of adventure and intrigue; energy creatures and nanoviruses, searches for buried treasure, AI computer viruses, virtual environments and possession by alien consciousnesses. And in all of these stories.. there was Meredith. Meredith risking his life to save them from the energy creature, Meredith fixing the shield generator that protected a colony of children from the Wraith, draining a ZPM to prevent an attack on a defenceless village, fixing a damaged warship in the nick of time to save them from a supervolcano… Meredith doing things she would never have thought possible, that she still wasn't sure whether to believe or not.

".. you should've seen Zalenka when he came back from the planet with the kids… oh, man.. they'd painted his face and put braids in his hair…" Sheppard had been animated, gesturing with his hands as he walked, pointing out features of interest, an easy smile always on his face.

"That balcony up there, that's the one I threw Rodney off of when we were trying out the ancient personal shield emitter.." His grin had been contagious as he had reminisced about what were obviously happy memories for him.

She'd laughed and talked and questioned and tried to understand how the Meredith this man knew fitted in with the brother who had shunned her for making a life choice that didn't fit in with his preconceptions. John had been good company and their tour of the city had distracted her from the tension between her and Mer, given her a couple of hours to just relax and enjoy herself and really experience being in a whole new galaxy. And then she'd gone and spoiled it. She must have asked John a thousand questions as they explored the city together and he'd answered her patiently and with good humour, explaining more about the Ancients, the Wraith, the expedition, ascension, just about any topic that arose. And then she'd innocently asked him what he and his team were working on while Mer was busy with the project and in an instant everything had changed, the relaxed atmosphere falling away as his eyes had turned dark, unreadable. He'd looked away, the smile on his face turning stiff, uncomfortable, and mumbled a vague answer about them being on downtime right now.

She'd opened her mouth to apologise, unsure of what she'd said wrong but knowing that she'd somehow trespassed across a sensitive subject, but he'd interrupted before she could speak, a forced good humour on his face as he waved a hand dismissively. He'd tried to make a joke out of it, teasing that Rodney would be offended if the rest of his team went on missions without him so they had to wait around till his was done with his latest project, but his smile no longer reached his eyes and there was a tension to his posture that spoke of intense unease.

Their tour had wrapped up quickly after that with him showing her back to her assigned guest quarters, what had been relaxed and friendly banter reduced to stilted conversation scattered around large chunks of silence that neither of them seemed to know quite how to broach. It was as if the polarity of John's personality was suddenly shifted, switching from extrovert to introvert, his sentences short and unenthusiastic, his attention focused inward. She had let him lead her through the city once more, puzzled by the change, feeling guilty for having inadvertently caused it, and with absolutely no idea how to begin to fix it.

He'd swiped the door control for her and gestured her into the room with a smile and a half-hearted flourish, a hint of the earlier, easy-going warmth creeping back into his hollow eyes. She wanted to apologise for whatever she had said that had spoiled their pleasant tour but something about him, the way he moved, the look in his eyes made her change her mind. For a brief instant he looked.. fragile, as if he might break if pushed too hard.

She'd hovered in the doorway. "Well.." Ugh. She hated awkward silences. "Thank you for the tour.. it was.. uh. It was.. nice." Nice, what a horrible word. She'd grimaced.

He'd nodded absently, his eyes distant as he'd stood awkwardly in the corridor.

"Okay, well I'm gonna… umm.." She'd gestured at the room behind her, her words faltering as she realised that she had nothing to do for the rest of evening. She was alone in a foreign city in a foreign galaxy and the only person she knew here was Mer and he was.. well, he was.. Meredith.

She's looked up to find his eyes on her, his gaze no longer distant but considering, thoughtful. He'd sighed and seemed to shake himself, making an effort to snap out of whatever odd mood her question had pushed him into.

"Look, have you eaten?"

She'd shaken her head, not sure she could even remember where the mess hall was; their tour had taken them all over the city and the place was huge…

"Okay, look," This time his smile reached his eyes and it was as if the other, distant John Sheppard had never existed. "I'm gonna go and get changed," he gestured ruefully at his workout clothes, "and I'll come back and get you in say.. 30 minutes?"

"Okay."

She'd found herself once again matching his smile and her heart had lightened as he'd backed away down the corridor, gesturing as he spoke. "I'll grab Teyla and Ronon too – introduce you to the guys.." He'd been halfway down the corridor when he'd grinned suddenly and called out, "You can tell us some embarrassing childhood stories about Rodney!"

She'd laughed out loud at that and waved goodbye, letting the doors slide closed behind her, already feeling much more positive about the prospect of her first evening in this alien city.

She'd showered and changed before dinner and when Sheppard had come to collect her it had been as if the earlier awkwardness had never happened. He'd been wry and humorous and charming, plying her with teasing questions about growing up with Mer as they walked to the mess hall, introducing her to Ronon and Teyla, offering his opinion on which of the dishes on offer were the least inedible.

She hadn't laughed so much in ages as she did during the meal with Mer's team. They'd still been laughing when Meredith had arrived in the mess hall, trying hard to pretend he wasn't offended to find them all having fun without him – but she knew her brother and she could see the hurt in his eyes. It had almost made her regret giving in to John's teasing requests for embarrassing sibling stories.. but then she remembered just how much Mer had hurt and upset her – how he'd ignored her for four years, cut her out of his life as if she didn't matter – and she'd firmly decided that a little bit of embarrassment was no more than he deserved.

Meredith's team had been nothing but welcoming and thoughtful.. pretty much the polar opposite of Mer's behaviour. Teyla was possibly the gentlest soul Jeannie had ever met, her words warm with sincerity as she welcomed her to Atlantis. She'd found the tall, imposing Ronon a little intimidating at first but John and Teyla were relaxed comfortable with him and before long she'd found that his taciturn manner his a wicked sense of humour. All three of Mer's team mates had been in a seemingly light-hearted mood, sharing jokes, teasing each other and pestering her for "dirt" on Meredith. She'd felt welcomed, included, and had easily joined in with the laughter. And yet… something had felt not quite right. There was nothing definable, just something wrong that she couldn't quite put her finger on. She'd shoved the feeling aside at the time and enjoyed the company and the laughter.

It was only now, alone with her thoughts in the darkness of her room, that Jeannie could pin down that vague feeling of unease. It had felt wrong…because it had felt a little forced. There had been an undercurrent to the laughter, a subtle sense of.. not desperation.. not anxiety even but… trepidation. Yes. That was it. A feeling that everyone was being very careful, that they were very deliberately avoiding something; laughing and joking and teasing and very definitely not mentioning something. From time to time she had seen in Teyla or Ronon's eyes that same hollow look that she'd seen in John's and there was a seriousness to their faces when they thought John wasn't looking. It was like a shadow lurking in the corner of the room that no-one would look at but everyone knew was there and she was suddenly reminded of that brief moment outside this room where she'd looked at John Sheppard and seen not a soldier, not a pilot, not her brother's friend or Atlantis's military commander but something fragile and breakable, in danger of shattering.

This was maudlin stuff to be dwelling on in the small hours of the morning and Jeannie breathed out a sigh as she found her watch on the bedside table; 2:17am Atlantis time. She wondered idly what time it was back on Earth.. what day it was.. and what Caleb and Madison were doing right now, whether her daughter missed her mommy as much as she missed Madison.

Giving up on the idea of sleep for the moment, she stood up with a stretch and walked slowly to the window, the floor cool beneath her bare feet as she pulled aside the sheer drapes and looked out over the city at night. Atlantis was just… amazing. Unlike anything she'd ever imagined. It was even more beautiful at night with the city lights reflecting off the unending ocean. The window was open slightly and she could hear the gentle wash of the ocean against the shores of the city, smell the tang of salt on the air.

Feeling a restlessness that she couldn't shift, she turned back into the room and dug out her sneakers, pulling a cardigan on over her t-shirt before palming open the door and stepping out into the darkened corridors of the sleeping city. She wandered through the halls of Atlantis for a while, retracing some of the steps she had taken with John, until she found herself on a secluded balcony where she leaned against the railings and lost herself in contemplation of the sparkling city spread about below her, the glow of lights shining in the dark water.

Standing there, feeling the cool, salty air against her skin, listening to the hush of the water, she finally felt herself relax, her mind clear of the endless, circular thoughts that had kept her from sleep. Beginning at last to feel tired, she quietly slipped from the balcony. She thought she'd begun to get her bearings in the city now and worked out that if she turned left instead of right that would take her on a more direct course back to her room than the meandering path she had followed to get here.

It was just as she approached the first turn in the corridor that she became aware of muted voices. She hesitated for a moment, reluctant to be found wandering the city in her nightwear and not wanting to disturb whomever else might be abroad at this hour of the night, and would have turned to go back the way she came when she recognised the sharp tone of voice that even a whispered conversation could not hide.

She peered around the corner curiously.

"Meredith?"

Teyla Emmagen faced her calmly and gave her a warm smile but her brother jumped as though he'd been scalded and turned from their conversation to favour her with an acidic, and oddly anxious, glare. "Jeannie! What are you doing here?"

She returned his gaze with equanimity; it took more than one of Meredith's favoured glares to cow her. "I couldn't sleep." Her tone of voice made it more than clear just how pointlessly stupid his question had been.

He frowned, trying to find fault with that answer.

"Well.. go back to bed. You shouldn't be wandering around in your nightwear…" His vague wave in her direction was dismissive and Jeannie bristled, digging in her heels with the instinctual stubbornness of a sibling.

"What are you doing still up?"

Mer huffed in annoyance, his voice creeping up from a whisper as he began, "Jeannie.."

That was as far as he got before Teyla's hand on his arm brought him up short. She spoke quietly to him, too quietly for Jeannie to hear, and whatever it was that she said, Jeannie was stunned to see Meredith actually listen, actually let someone else suggest a course of action without dismissing it out of hand.

She wandered closer and saw that they were standing outside a closed door in one of the corridors housing sleeping quarters. She wondered if this was Teyla's room or Mer's.. and why they were loitering in the corridor at this hour, both of them still fully dressed in their Atlantis expedition uniforms.

"Go, Rodney. I shall stay a while." Teyla's low voice was calm, soothing, but nonetheless she saw that Mer was about to argue the point when they were interrupted by a muffled noise from behind the closed door. It sounded to Jeannie like some kind of a shout or yell, followed by what was definitely a crash. She saw both Teyla and Mer's heads jerk up at the noise, but strangely there was no surprise or alarm on their faces, only quiet resignation, as though they'd been waiting for this.

She looked back at the closed door. "What was that?"

"Nothing. Go back to bed."

"Meredith!"

"Rodney…" Teyla's voice was firm now and the look she shared with Mer was significant.

"Fine. Fine." Mer threw his hands up in annoyance, visibly deflating as he gave in to Teyla's persuasion. He had a scowl on his face as he took Jeannie's arm and turned her around, pulling her back down the corridor with him, his action taking her by surprise so that she barely had time to reply to Teyla's murmured, "Goodnight, Jeannie" before they were around the corner and the Athosian woman was gone from sight.

Recovering her equilibrium, she shrugged his hand from her arm and pulled to a halt, her expression mutinous. "What's going on, Mer? What was that noise?"

Meredith's face was set in his usual impatience and he reached again for her arm, sighing in frustration as she jerked it out of his reach. "It was nothing, Jeannie. Now, come on!"

"No, Mer!" She planted her feet stubbornly. "That didn't sound like nothing! Someone could be hurt, we should check and make sure they're okay…" She turned back towards the corridor and was surprised when Meredith's hand gripped her arm tightly, holding her in place.

"Meredith!"

"Just leave it alone, Jeannie." His face was stiff and closed as he ordered her around like she was some kind of imbecile, just like when they were children.

"Leave what alone?" she bristled, "Whose room is that?"

Her brother's expression was sullen, resentful as he answered and the response surprised her enough that she let him pull her away from the corner and push her ahead of him down the corridor.

"It's Colonel Sheppard's. Now go back to bed!"

TBC…