Improper Guardian

Chapter Thirty Three

By: Brenli

… No. There was no way he could do it. There was no way he could swing his sword and disconnect her beautiful head from her beautiful body…! She couldn't ask this of him!

She seemed to read his thoughts perfectly. "End this fucking bullshit! You OWE me this much!" Nema cried.

Did he owe her that much? Did he owe her death, by his own hand?

"… There is… nothing else left for you to do to me."

"Nema –"

"You have hurt me in every way IMAGINABLE! Death is all that's left! You may as well do it!" She interrupted whatever thought Michael wished to vocalize.

The mighty War Angel bit at the insides of his cheeks. Death, more or less, WAS all that was left. He had done everything else. He had hated her, loved her, neglected her, protected her… everything in the world that one person could do to another, bad and good, he had done unto her. Except kill her. That… truly was all that was left.

Did that make it viable? It hardly felt like it. He still felt corners of his heart begin to tear at the idea that she would seriously ask this of him.

Maybe… he deserved that kind of pain. Maybe, after allowing her life to crumble… dissipate into the impossibly painful existence it was now… maybe, after all of that, it made sense to do this. He had, in the way only a Guardian Angel can, built her life into this. Maybe… he ought to have ended it, too.

In one fluid motion, Michael swung his blood-smeared fire sword high over his head.

Raphael's icy eyes widened. "Michael…!"

The Fire Angel sighed and brought it down…

"DON'T!"

A short breath escaped Nema's lips, and she collapsed against Michael's arms as he moved down to catch her… her head still firmly attached to her neck and shoulders.

Michael could only muster the courage to bring the flat of the blade down and knock her out. He could never…ever… kill her.

As Michael felt her body limp in his arms, her face buried into his chest, he realized that she was the only person he was completely unable to kill. Even if that was what she wanted.

He only heard Raphael's relieved sigh as soft background noise. He could hear nothing clearly as he slowly picked Nema up, allowing her head to fall into place where his neck met his shoulder… a tender place that almost seemed created for the sole purpose of allowing a woman to fit against him just right… and then he strapped his great sword against his back and stood, cradling Nema in his arms.

He watched her head fall back, still stained in blood and tears. … He fought the urge to kiss away the pain, for he knew that no amount of kisses would clear him of the many ways he had wronged her. "… I couldn't do it." He stated to no one in particular.

"… I'm glad you didn't." Raphael spoke up from beside him.

"Tell them she's safe."

"… What?"

"Tell them she's safe," Michael merely repeated, turning and walking a direction neither to Cheriour or to Rabbit territory.

"Where are you going?" Raphael asked.

"… Away."

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Nema began to feel things again after what seemed like a long while. She knew she wasn't dead. The blow she had felt was too blunt to mean she had been beheaded and not quite strong enough to mean her head had been crushed. Michael had spared her.

… And that was just like him. He was going to let her suffer more…

She felt as though she were being bounced. Not in any strange, playful way, but the average bouncing that naturally comes from being carried.

She blacked out.

When she began coming to for the second time, she felt like she was lying in a bed. It was neither soft nor hard. A warm, wet washcloth danced its way down her arms and over her face as a careful hand brushed back her snowy hair. It moved shyly over her neck and barely touched the innocent area of her chest, just before the rising of her bosom.

A voice, a male voice, warped with the headache pounding through Nema's head, was saying things in a gruff tone. "Tell them all she's not the enemy. Tell them if they make any fucking rumors about taking her for a whore… I WILL kill them." She did become alarmed to feel her left wrist be taken and bound against something…

She blacked out, again.

A third time, Nema began to wake up. Now a couple pillows were cradling her neck and shoulders. Her head still ached, a little, as it flopped to the side and let a small moan escape her mouth. She stretched out… she couldn't pull her arms back down. Nema tugged and tugged. She was bound tightly by each wrist!

Alarm struck her for a second time, and she struggled to open her ruby eyes. The world was so bright for some reason… She squinted, then gave up and closed her eyes again, tugging away.

Then she heard him. "There's no point."

She only began to tug harder. He had her tied to a bed! HE did! In desperation, she began to kick into the air, as if this would somehow free her.

Michael sighed as he watched from his spot on the floor. Like so long ago, he merely seated himself on the ground, next to the head of the bed. She had been out for two hours, and for each minute of those hours Michael had felt as though he were reliving a past that he'd wanted back… Nema asleep in her bed… him sitting beside it in the middle of the night, unable to sleep. Now she woke up and shattered that idea. "Nema, that's not gonna do anything."

Her red eyes shot open and stared at him, and then she did the worst thing imaginable. She screamed bloody murder.

"JESUS, NEMA! SHUT UP!" Michael snarled at her.

"FUCK YOU!" She screeched.

"PLEASE be quiet?"

Nema glared at him with cruel ruby eyes. "Fuck. You." She said with imagined calmness, only to fall back into screams again.

In desperation, Michael tore a long strip of cloth from one of his sheets, obviously not being the type to really care if his sheets were torn. He immediately wrapped the cloth around her mouth several times, tying the ends into a firm knot and reducing Nema to mild, muffled 'mmphs'. "… You MADE me do that. Can't blame me for it."

He watched as his violent Queen stared frightened and angry daggers at him and began flailing again.

Michael threw his biker gloved hands up in the air, clearly fed up with how wrong everything was becoming. "All I wanna do is say I'm sorry, Nema!"

"HMPH!" Nema mumbled from behind layers of cloth, her eyes flashing in hatred.

"You don't believe me, do you? That's true! I just wanna say I'm sorry!"

Nema slammed her boots against his mattress and turned away.

"… Look at me." Michael reached out and turned her face back to him, watching her sniffle and hating the two drops of liquid sadness that made trails down her snow white face. "… Can't even say I'm sorry without making you cry. Some kind of fucking person I am, huh?" After brushing away one tear, he couldn't take watching her cry, anymore. He was… fucking TIRED of seeing her cry. "All I ever do is make you cry…" He turned away. He couldn't do this… this was much harder than he thought it would be. The mighty and fearless War Angel couldn't bear to apologize to a girl he had wronged. "… And I really am sorry, Nema. For everything." He paused. "… When I say everything I mean… EVERYTHING. I… haven't done anything right for you since you were born. I mean…"

Again, he paused. He was having a hard time finding the right words, though when he'd thought of what to say, it had come through clear. Now it was all falling apart. "… I don't know where to start, Nema. It all… just kind of lumps together. But I'm sorry for all of it. I mean… if I knew then that… you'd become someone I would… actually WANT to be with… If I knew that, Nema, I wouldn't have left you alone like I did…! I know it was wrong. I never used to CARE if what I did was wrong. But… I mean, if I could redo everything… I would have watched over you, I know that. And Cheriour wouldn't have raped you, because I would have killed him for ever even thinking it. Really, I would have. I would have ripped his head off and skinned him and left him for God knows what! He deserves that for what he's done to you!" Michael hissed. "I'm sorry that… I ruined your life. I didn't know that I would fall in love with you. I didn't know it would turn around to bite me…"

The Fire Angel took a breath. He was trying not to acknowledge the tears building up in his bright blue, frustrated eyes. "And when I slept with you… I want you to know what I said at the end was real. 'God, I think I've fallen in love with her.' I KNOW I have. You wanna know a secret?" A miserable smile crossed his lips. "I think I knew that way before then… At least I felt that way a lot of the time. I wasn't gonna tell you for a number of reasons. First off… I don't do this whole… love, thing. Love is a risky thing. It's dangerous. It can destroy people. It's not something I wanted to have in case it… ruined me." He finished that sentence quietly. "… And second of all… admitting that puts you in danger. If you reciprocate, I mean. And I know you do… did." He corrected himself. He was sure that after the Holy Blood battle, any love she had still felt had diminished.

Michael was quick to wipe his hands over his eyes. "There is one thing I wanted to make sure you know, Nema!" He said firmly. "… I was told you were dead, when Cheriour came to me with an offer to become a Rabbit Hunter. He said he'd clear me of my so-called crime if I killed for him. And it's not that I'm ashamed of loving you! Look at you, Nema! Leading a war all by yourself! Taking charge of some of the best fighters I've ever fucking seen, and you're one Hell of a warrior, yourself! You're a Queen for a reason, Nema! Truth is I'm fucking proud of you!" He laughed, but it came out shaky and pathetic. "… I did it… because I honestly thought I would never see you again… and I figured, you know… you wouldn't want me branded Fallen when I'd never get to say that… I love you."

Suddenly Michael slammed his fist into his bedside table, the top drawer sliding open. "And then it's just my fucking luck! You've been alive all along! I swear to God, Nema, I wanted to tell Cheriour to go fuck himself; I was gonna be on your side! But… You know, there you are… hating me, and kissing some other guy. And I don't blame you…! I am not a date-worthy person! Never said I was, and on top of that I betrayed you! I don't blame you for a second, just so you know! … It's all my fault, anyway. Lots of things, involving you, are my fault."

He tried turning and leaning against his little table, but he still couldn't find it in himself to look right at her. She'd become dreadfully quiet. "And then… That man died… and you just… cried and cried… and you told me it hurt. And, I don't know…" His voice cracked. "I snapped. You know… I figured, even if I make my fucking quota and pull out of the war I'm just gonna be miserable all the time. I mean, either way, I was fucked over. So I decided, okay, I'm done. Fuck… everything, I was through. And then… I find out… Cheriour's using all this blood he's been constantly drawing from me… and making bombs, and he was gonna take you all out… he was gonna kill you… And… I swear, Nema, I tried so fucking hard to stop all of it! And when I couldn't I tried to warn you! And when that didn't work, either, I could only save you! … That little girl who died… I'm assuming you must've been close to her… And I'm sorry I didn't let you take her… But you would've gone down… and died because of MY blood and MY fucked up decisions. I can't… live with that idea. It's bad enough living the way I am now…" He paused to breathe. This time, he allowed the tears to drop from his sad, blue eyes.

"So… that's all I have to say. I'm sorry. I know that doesn't fix anything, but that's all I can think of saying. I'm sorry… for everything, every little thing that I've ever done to hurt you. And…" Michael paused, sniffed, cleared his throat. "I love you. I'm not expecting those to be magical words or something… making everything okay. I'm just… making sure you know. There wasn't ever a moment when I didn't love you. I know… it probably felt like, for a long time, that I hated you. That's not the truth. I love you. In a perfect world we'd be going down to Harajuku later tonight… it is Sunday down there, and all. And we'd beat up some Rabbit Hunters, and come back home in the morning, laughing our asses off. That's what we'd be doing."

And then Michael couldn't help but hit his bedside table for a second time. "But we're not gonna do that, and that's my own damn fault! I fucked up! I fucked up so bad and for the first time, Nema, I'm regretting it! Because I know you won't forgive me after all of this… and I'm not stupid enough to ask you to! When I untie you, I expect you to leave and I don't think I'll ever hear from you again… And that's okay; I deserve it!" A third time, he hit the table. "And I will sit here and I will miss you and that's what I get for doing everything I've done! That's my own punishment and that makes sense, so just fuck it, then! I'll just sit here crying like a damn fool." Finally, he dared to face Nema fully, the tears leaving shining trails over the black and blue ink of his tattoo. "TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT THIS, NEMA…! I want you to know that you will be the ONLY woman who will EVER do this to me!"

There. He supposed that was all he had to say. It was a whole lot… it had come out jumbled and strange, but that was best he could do. Michael had never been good with apologies, anyway… but for her sake, he tried his best. And now he looked upon the reward for trying as hard as he had. Nema lying there, her ruby eyes shut tight, sniffles escaping her.

"Please stop crying…!" He suddenly begged, ignoring the fact that he was crying with her. "I'm tired of seeing you cry! I fucked up and I said I was sorry and that I love you! I want you to go home and be happy! I don't wanna RUIN anything, anymore!"

There was a sudden and rude knock upon his door, and he let loose and exasperated groan, "I'M NOT IN ANY DAMN MOOD FOR ANYTHING! FUCK OFF!"

"Michael-sama…." A deep, slow voice persisted.

"Kamael…!" The Fire Angel snarled warningly.

"… There is… a Rabbit Hunter at the door…"

"I'VE GOT NO TIME FOR THE LIKES OF THEM!"

"… He appears to have a contract in his hands… I believe… it is a renewal of your previous contract." Kamael finished calmly.

Michael swiped madly at the tears on his face and set to work untying Nema's wrists. "I'm done with Rabbit Hunting. You won't ever see me again." This was his version of a goodbye, and with that he left her.

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"Get lost." Michael was quick to say. He didn't even let the uneasy Rabbit Hunter greet him.

"… Well… I need you see if you'll sign something first."

"Not interested." The Fire Angel said gruffly.

The Rabbit Hunter shifted his weight from foot to foot. "… Cheriour-sama thought it might interest you to know about your number of kills total –"

"He thought wrong!" Michael snapped.

" – The total comes to a thousand. One thousand, even."

"I SAID I'M NOT INTERESTED!"

The Rabbit Hunter took two steps back. "… Well… you see, you have obviously met your quota, so your contract is fulfilled."

"Good."

"… Cheriour-sama has requested that you rejoin his forces."

"I'm cleared for being in love, right?"

"Yes. You met your quota; he must uphold the contract."

"Then here's what I think about rejoining his forces…!" He watched with restrained glee as the Rabbit Hunter yelped and dropped the papers he held to the ground, which had suddenly burst into flame. "Now you run off to your base and tell Cheriour something for me."

The Rabbit Hunter stammered, "W-what message do you have for him?"

"He's a marked man. One day I'll kill him." And then Michael slammed the door and locked it.

He ignored all the curious stares from his men. The sad truth was… he wanted to know if Nema had left yet. So he rushed on and refused to acknowledge any sidelong glance tossed to him. Nema was more important right now. He wanted to know if she was already gone. A part of him hoped that when he opened his bedroom door, Nema would still be in there. That she would be smiling and happy. That nothing bad had ever happened between them. While he was at it, he hoped the sun was shining when he opened that door. Nema looked her best at two times of the day: midday and midnight. Each time either the sun or the moon hung so high in the sky, it seemed to make her glow.

But he opened his door to find that Nema was not there. His sheets were a little messy from her struggle. The binds that held her wrists still hung from the bedposts. The impromptu gag laid on top of his pillows.

And on top of that, the sky was gray and dull.

Well, that was his luck and he ought to just get used to it.

It was at this moment that something kicked the door closed and embraced him. Two slim arms, strong as a warrior's should be but maintaining a graceful, elegant appearance, wrapped around him. The skin was white as snow.

"… But I don't want to never see you again." The feminine voice choked and stumbled on tears. "You think I shouldn't forgive you. Maybe I shouldn't. But I don't want you to suffer just because… you fucked up my life. I mean… ruining my life is a hefty thing… I guess… it would make sense that you should suffer." Her hold on him tightened. "But that's not what I want…! I don't see the justice in making you messed up because you messed me up. It doesn't make me any happier! It makes me want to cry more! I love you too much to want you all stuck like this!" She half-laughed, half-cried. "… Rujiel knew, and Nyssa knew, and Lucifer knows, and Alexiel… and everyone. They all know I still love you. They all have different opinions on that but the point is, they all know that… you're the one that messed me up, so you are also the only one that can put me back together…!"

Michael took a shaky breath and blinked his wide eyes, gone bright blue once again. "I don't know how to put you back together."

"I can tell you how. You already did most of it." She sniffled back tears. "You said you were sorry and you told me the truth. You told me you still loved me. All that's left is making me feel like you still love me." She unwrapped her arms from around him and brushed away what she hoped were her final tears, for tonight. "Just turn around."

He was slow to do so. Nema found herself taking him by the shoulders and speeding up the process. "And then all you have to do is kiss me…" She pleaded. "Like you mean it."

Michael wasn't sure how to kiss "like he meant it." He hesitated. He realized something he would never admit to anyone… he was a little afraid of kissing her. He wasn't sure why. He wanted to. But he just couldn't bring himself to touch his lips to hers. He could cup her adorable white face in his hands, which he did. And he could lean close enough to her to almost begin a kiss, which he did…

"What are you, a prude?" Nema pouted and finally kissed him with a rough and teasing peck on the center of his lips.

The Fire Angel blinked rapidly at her peeved face. "… Prude? Fuck you, Nema!" He snapped. "Just… You know you've had a fucking SHITTY day. I don't think you could HANDLE my kinds of kisses!"

"Feh!" She mocked him. "You think I'm too delicate, that's pathetic! I'm not like most girls, you know. I make strong men cry."

Again, Michael was taken aback. "… Hey, don't be a bitch!"

"Make me stop, then." She fought the smile down as Michael took her up into his strong arms, crushing her against him, lips devouring her own in a kiss Michael was now notorious for: a violent yet passionate one.

"Good enough?"

"Not long enough." Nema breathed, and then he kissed her again. This time, it was not one of his notorious ones. It was long but soft, not heated but it seemed to hold a passion all its own. "… Now you've made me feel like I am loved again."

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AUTHORESS NOTE: Hmmm, this chapter is only 9 pages… but probably 9 highly-anticipated pages. Yes, I fixed it, I fixed it! See them all smiling and kissy and mooshy. Hey, they deserve it. Been a long time and a long hard road for them. Such a sorry couple. Not so sorry, anymore, though!

But tis not the end. There's still a war, don'tcha know? Nema's got Rabbits to free!