Thank you once again to all my readers and reviewers, especially Anny, Meggi and Ficmouse for their neverending support and kind words. I'm so pleased by the positive reaction to this fic and it is inspiring me to keep going, even though I'm having a crazy week!

Here is part 5, I hope you enjoy.

To look out for you

The definition of paternal

Paternal: adjective; of or appropriate to a father, showing a kindness and care associated with a father

Sam Nicholls

Sam found herself sitting silently on the comfortable chair and tried to push the fear she was feeling from her mind. She couldn't bring herself to look up from the floor, not having yet decided what her answer to his question would be but the one thing she did know was that she couldn't continue like this. The newly re-opened wound on her arm was throbbing deeply inside her and the excruciating headache that had formed as she had descended into sobs on her bed a few hours earlier was almost causing tears to again appear in her eyes. His words were resonating loudly around her brain and deep inside she knew that he was right, but admitting that she actually needed help was something Samantha Nicholls had never been prepared to do.

She recalled the mixture of shock and surprise that had crossed the faces of her colleagues as she had arrived at work, not only early to undertake her shift but also with an air of what she hoped they had perceived as confidence about her. She had known that as appearances had gone, she looked pretty rough despite the make-up she had used to cover up the dark, tear stained circles that were present beneath her eyes. The pain she was in had dictated that her still damp hair was only tied back loosely in a messy ponytail, as any further intervention would have caused unspeakable levels of discomfort in her chest and arms, but she would have described herself as just about passable to face the public.

She knew that she had walked into the staffroom like she hadn't been seriously assaulted just metres away the previous day, her head held high and a small, definitely faked, smile plastered onto her face. It wasn't just a matter of acting normally to save face, but Sam had felt that she must prove to the outside world she still had what it took to re-join her army unit when she was called up. It hadn't felt like following her instincts and hiding out in her flat, curled up in front of mindless daytime television, had even been an option given the circumstances. For that reason, and to ensure she demonstrated to her colleagues that she was just fine on her own, Sam had dragged her aching body the short distance from her flat to the E.D. The fact that this small act alone had all but sapped her energy had worried her slightly, but despite her near exhaustion she knew it was important to make an effort to keep up appearances for the outside world. She couldn't see any justification in letting anyone, most notably Dylan, know how weak she really was, especially not after his complete dismissal of her the previous day.

The reaction from her colleagues to her arrival had started off seeming relatively friendly, but had soon become a grinding irritation to her. Tess and Charlie had both shown her kindness, offering her a seat which she politely refused for anxiety of not being able to control her pain levels as she sat down and got back up. The likes of Linda and Lenny had made some comments about her being virtually indestructible, with a tone to their voice that sounded vaguely sarcastic to her and young Scarlett had practically refused to make any eye contact with her. However it had been Zoe's unwelcome intervention that had annoyed Sam the most. She had not been given a choice in accepting the older doctor's help the day before, what with Zoe being assigned to treat her injuries and Sam did know that her colleague had offered her nothing but a great standard of care. Despite that, Zoe's public questioning of her fitness had been an interference too far and Sam recalled standing her ground and snapping back at her that she was more than capable of making that decision herself. She had been surprised that Dr Hanna had not challenged her on that comment, remembering all their previous clashes within the department, but instead Zoe just deferred to Sam's judgement and busied herself making a coffee.

Tom's arrival soon after her own had jogged Sam's memory and she had approached him to offer her thanks for his help in catching her attacker. He had shrugged off her praise, instead apologising to her for failing to manage the situation better before it escalated. She was pretty sure that they agreed mutual culpability for the incident that occurred and Tom's apparently genuine understanding of how the situation got so out of control gave her enough comfort to offer him an almost genuine smile. She had felt relieved to hear that what happened hadn't been completely her own fault; despite her assuring Tom that she was not actually apportioning any blame to him for her assault.

At some point during her conversation with Dr Kent she had become aware that Dylan had appeared at the doorway, looking incredibly tired and upon meeting his stare she had seen that his eyes were like thunder. She had sensed the wave of interest circulate through her colleagues behind them, but the majority quickly exited through the door Dylan had arrived in mere moments before, obviously reluctant to be part of an awkward domestic scene two days in a row. Tom had apparently also felt the tension in the air and pulled a face at her, before turning and leaving the room, touching her arm reassuringly as he did so.

Dylan's consternation at her presence at work had played out across his face, in a way Sam had never been used to seeing him express his feelings. His words had been harsh, gruff and almost spiteful in tone, disparaging of her attempts at normalcy and he had stated the obvious in his ascertain that she should be recovering at home. She had felt it unfortunate that she was no longer able to read him well enough to know whether his comments had been made out of genuine concern for her, irritation at her perceived reckless attitude towards her recovery or out of a moral sense of obligation towards his ex-wife, but she had known that she felt distinctly small standing under his gaze.

She had almost been grateful for Zoe's intervention at that stage, the older doctor interrupting the scene playing out in front of her with an offer of coffee to them both, yet in seeing her husband respond positively to Dr Hanna's offer and visibly dismiss Sam from his thoughts was still a hard thing to watch. She had been left staring into the empty space where Dylan had been standing just seconds before, unsure of what her next course of action should be. The thought of remaining in the staffroom with Dr's Keogh and Hanna would never have been her first choice, but if she was honest with herself neither was facing a department full of patients in her present state. It had briefly crossed her mind that potentially she was not ready to return to work, but she had never really been comfortable with the thought of failure either.

"Dr Nicholls?" had boomed Mr Jordan's voice across the nearly empty staffroom, and despite the fact that Sam had been staring towards the doorway, her eyes had been unseeing and therefore she had nearly jumped out of her skin upon hearing his words. "A word in my office please," he had continued, motioning at her to follow him.

She had moved to follow him, but before leaving had turned her head and sadly looked on as Dylan and Zoe stood closely together by the kettle, talking as he made his coffee. She had dragged her eyes away from the scene and turned back to Mr Jordan, only to catch him staring somewhat wistfully at the pair of them also. Sam had already recognised from her conversation with him the previous day that she and her Clinical Lead appeared to share some similarities, but she hadn't until that point realised quite how alike their thinking was over some topics.

"Dr Nicholls," Mr Jordan's voice again called from the doorway. "Today would be useful," he had continued before stalking off towards his office. Sam felt a strange sense of deja-vu at his words, so alike they were to his summons to her at the start of her shift the day before. However on thinking that she also recalled that this time yesterday she had not yet said aloud that she was Afghanistan bound as soon as possible, nor had she been assaulted. The last twenty four hours had been one of the longest days of her life and she knew she could only hope that today was far shorter and much less eventful.

Sam had sat down in the chair in Mr Jordan's office, knowing full well he was most likely about to ask her a number of probing questions and lecture her about recovery timescales, before trying to send her home. She had hoped he didn't notice how long it had taken her to follow him up to his room, the tiny distance taking her an inordinate amount of time to cover and whilst he had retrieved paperwork, the dreaded incident form, from his desk she had carefully positioned herself as comfortably as possible in the seat to avoid aggravating her injuries any more than necessary whilst they talked.

However rather than proceed with the formalities of form filling, her boss had moved round in front of his desk and leant back on it like a seat.

"Dr Nicholls," he had started, his voice soft. "Sam," he continued, before hesitating and she knew the evident surprise she felt at his rare use of her first name flushed across her face. "Sam, are you okay?"

She'd almost frowned at the simplicity of his question, especially given that she knew it would have been quite apparent to pretty much anyone that she was far from being that.

"I'm fine," she had replied simply, trying to be as non-committal as possible. She couldn't recall the thousands of times that she would have defined herself as being "fine" when she was far from being that, the word seemed to cover a multitude of sins and whilst out on tour, she had used the description so many times to deflect attention from the realities of the horror she was actually feeling stuck in a warzone miles from home.

"You're far from fine and you know it," Mr Jordan's sharp response had come, puncturing her thoughts and reminding her of the reality of the situation she now found herself in. "You look like hell, you're obviously in a lot of pain and I'm assuming the fact you are even here means that you want to work today," he had continued, to which she had nodded in answer.

"I just want to keep busy," she had started to explain, but he had cut her off before she could continue.

"Then for your sake, let me help you," he had advised her. "Yesterday you were trying to convince me that you aren't running away from anything when you go back to the army, but here you are again today, trying to escape everything that is going on around you by throwing yourself into work. You can't do everything by yourself, there is going to come a point where you are going to need to ask for some support."

He had hesitated slightly, before continuing, "Come on Sam, let me in. Will you let me help you? Will you tell me what's really going on?"

She briefly considered lying to him, persuasively pushing the issue that she really was fine despite his close to the mark comments. Still her newly reopened wound was creating a throbbing sensation in her arm, her head was pounding from a deep seated headache and Mr Jordan's words were repeating through her mind, on some kind of twisted loop. Sam had never been one for showing weakness and she barely remembered asking anyone for help, bar Dylan on the odd occasion when they had been close enough for him to almost offer it willingly regardless. She found herself practically drilling a whole in the carpet with her gaze, focusing her eyes on a single spot in a desperate attempt to prevent tears from reappearing on her cheeks.

She took a deep breath and looked up, knowing his focus had never left her despite her lack of response. It was in that mutual exchange of looks, a moment of shared understanding of confusion, hurt and pain that Sam made a decision she knew could leave her laid bare to his scrutiny and send her scarily close to allowing him inside her head.

Without looking away from him, she gently rolled her sleeve up slightly and removed the newly attached gauze patch she had applied to her still bleeding wound prior to leaving her flat not that long before. She peeled it back, revealing the partially removed, moderately damaged stitches, stitches it would be obvious to her boss had been deliberately removed rather than accidentally picked out. She watched him physically wince at the sight, a mixture of pity and sadness crossing his face, before he moved to kneel down in front of her and took her hand, his touch emanating a sense of safety that she couldn't help but appreciate.

"Let's do something about sorting that out shall we?" he asked, and she nodded, tears brimming in her eyes. "It's going to be okay Sam, you're going to be fine," he added with a reassuring smile, and she knew that he wasn't just talking about the seeping wound on her arm anymore. She had never wanted to be the vulnerable girl whose dad had to take care of her, but right now she knew that not only was that what she needed, surprisingly it was what she wanted to.

Nick Jordan

Nick had hated seeing Sam in so much pain, but having spent some time listening to the staffroom conversations before making his presence known he knew that her hurt was more than just physical. Upon her somewhat delayed arrival at his office, which he had known was down to a mixture of her injuries and exhaustion, he had pretended to busy himself with paperwork as she slowly settled into a chair and tried to hide the extent of her discomfort. However it had been her facial expressions that had given away exactly how she was feeling, as despite her best attempts to remain a blank canvas he noted the tough cookie expression she was wearing at any point she knew he looked in her direction wavered the moment she felt his gaze was averted, instantaneously being replaced by an alternating blank, glazed over look or what he would affectionately describe as a "bambi" face, totally forlorn and lonely.

He had felt an overwhelming sense of relief when it appeared that she had relinquished her fiercely defended independence slightly and was going to let him help her, but this had been short-lived upon seeing the state of her bloody wound. He couldn't help but silently question how accidental the aggravation to her pre-existing injury actually was, yet regardless of the cause it was apparent that it needed to be cleaned up and re-stitched and he hoped that his words of reassurance allayed any concerns she had about opening up to him in the first place.

Nick had been able to gauge how uneasy Sam was about asking for his help the moment he had returned to his office with the necessary accoutrements for stitching her laceration and found her nervously biting her lip. He had found it strangely therapeutic to care for her and it seemed to appeal to something within him that he had the opportunity to make her feel somewhat better. He had offered to gently check her over and ensure the remainder of her wounds were still intact, but after the briefest of once overs their eyes had met and he knew they both felt highly uncomfortable with the close physical contact.

He wondered what exactly it was about the beautiful young woman that made it feel almost inappropriate to examine her or even touch her, but he had felt the same way in resus the day before and he had fled the room because of it. The very thought of that moment gave him a strange sense of empathy for Dr Keogh, the man who obviously still loved his wife very deeply if his reaction to her injuries had been anything to go by. Yet whilst it was clear to Nick that Dylan had run from Sam because he couldn't face up to the emotions of seeing Sam hurt, his own feelings were more akin to that of a helpless father than anything at all romantic.

"Thank you," she said meekly, before returning her gaze to the floor. Nick considered how much of her feisty spark she had lost over the previous few weeks, not just as a result of the attack. Yes, he had locked horns with her on a number of occasions regardless, but she had not been herself for quite a while and yet it was only now, when faced with the physical scars of her assault that it had become apparent quite how far she had withdrawn. Nevertheless he knew that the Dr Nicholls he had come to know and love since her arrival in his E.D. was still there, he just needed to find a way to bring her out from behind the mask she was hiding behind.

"I don't really think you're fit enough to work Sam. I really should be signing you off," he'd stated honestly, but she had shrugged off his concern without as much as a second thought. He had listened to her arguments as to why she should be allowed to work, even given the compelling reasons for her to be at home, and hadn't been surprised by their coherence or the passion with which she expressed them. He had never failed to notice that when she talked about work the girl's eyes always lit up a little brighter and it comforted him that she still managed to fight her own corner on her reasons for being at work.

The fact that Sam appeared so adamant about working her shift was what swung it for him in the end, as he knew that feeling all too well from his own history of illness. It had never mattered to him how sick he had been, he had always wanted to be at work and whilst he knew that the attitude he had adopted back then was unhealthy he could see that the opportunity to continue in relative normality for the day might be the crutch Sam needed to see her through this bad patch.

He recalled laying down an almost never ending set of conditions that predicated her return to the department floor, most notably that she would remain by his side in resus the entire time. Her surprise at his choice of role for her had been evident, but he had hurriedly covered his tracks and explained to her that she looked scarily pale and beaten, so keeping her away from their conscious and clear minded patients was probably for the best. He had known resus wasn't her ideal placement, given her lack of physical ability on that particular shift, but this had instantly been overridden by his desire to keep an eye on her and prevent her from coming to further harm. He knew he would never tell her that he was worried about how she would react if a patient shouted at her when she was alone with them in cubicles, although he silently acknowledged that he wasn't sure if he was more concerned she would go to pieces or more worryingly take some sort of retaliation out on them. The Dr Nicholls he knew was more than capable of being hot headed and short fused when she wanted to be and he could tell she was feeling as if she had something to prove today.

He had been less than keen to return to the mania of the department with his newly acquired shadow in tow, but he had seen how time had ticked on as he had offered Sam support and he knew that by now they would both be being missed.

"I thought we needed to fill in the incident report?" she questioned, confused look upon her face as he motioned for them to leave the room.

He had laughed in response, before adding "You can fill it in when we get a quiet spell. Just make sure you put in what great treatment you got in the E.D. and how understanding your boss has been and I will be happy."

Sam nodded and smiled, a smile Nick could tell was a lot more genuine than the previous ones he had seen on her in recent weeks. His thoughts turned to a certain Dr Keogh, who was no doubt already holed up inside CDU which was fast becoming his main residence within the department. Dylan was a decent man and a brilliant doctor, that much Nick was certain of yet his treatment of Dr Nicholls had been nothing short of shoddy in recent weeks. He instinctively considered whether the man was even good enough for Sam, assessing that he failed to measure up to Nick's own expectations of what she deserved. Nonetheless he was well aware of how much her husband meant to her and he was determined not to see her hurt any further by added complications, which he assumed at some point meant he would need to tackle Zoe over her intentions.

He shook that thought from his head as soon as it entered, figuring that having that conversation with his own ex-partner was going to be beyond awkward and wouldn't be a situation he would willingly put himself into for anyone other than his young medic. The fact was that this situation needed a resolution and soon, especially with Sam's newly acknowledged desire to return to Afghanistan as quickly as she was able. Her departure was not something he was positively anticipating because he knew the hole it would leave within the department, but especially in both himself and Dylan, but if she got her wish he was sure that she needed to leave on good terms with the team, and that included both her husband and Zoe. He refused to let her return to war with such important issues left unsettled and long overdue conversations remaining unspoken.

He followed Sam out of the office, watching her hold herself together and refuse to buckle to the pain that it was transparent to him she was suffering, obstinate to a fault as always. However as she turned her head slightly to the side and met his gaze once again, her eyes slightly unsure and her resolve no doubt wavering, he realised quite how much she looked like a little girl sometimes.

As he guided her gently down to the department, still against his better judgement but knowing how important it was to her, he felt a wave of paternal responsibility wash over him and he considered how it could be that somewhere along the way, he had not only gained a highly skilled army medic but a young woman he thought of like a daughter. He only hoped that now she had opened herself up to him slightly he wouldn't buckle under the weight of any expectations she had of him, because he knew with certainty that she would need him on her side for some time to come.

Thank you for reading and I would welcome reviews as ever. I know this fic has been a little bit like the depths of despair for poor Sam and whilst that is not over yet, at least I have finally made her see there is someone on her side right? :)

The next update is likely to be on Sunday or Monday as I am away for a few days. Callie x