(Woody)
I had spent the last couple of hours, sitting here watching the ocean I know the doc was only half kidding when he said 'don't jump' he walked up like he was scared I would do something stupid, not that I didn't think about it. I have never taken the easy way out and I'm not about to start now. I still have a few friends I know I will need some support. I can still remember when my mom died. Thank god I don't have a wife and kids to leave behind. It's actually a good thing that the doc showed up when he did, my thoughts were just running around in circles what am I going to do? Who do I tell, how much do I tell? And that last one snuck in on me 'what is Jordan going to do with out me to watch her back?' Despite the fact that we have not spent time together outside of work, for almost several months I have been keeping an eye on her, watching out for her. Not just because I gave Max my word that I would protect his daughter, also damn it I still love her, I love that, whatever it is that draws us all to her. I can see the guilt in his eyes, I wish he wouldn't feel it; I don't blame him, any of them.
"Hey doc, you need to lighten up or something, you act like someone you know is dying." I tried to lighten the mood but how am I going to do that if I don't feel it… Oh hell I forgot I can't take the Prozac anymore, will it's not been working to well lately I think I have too much grief and guilt for it to work. "Hey doc, you don't have to feel so guilty, you were busy today, I shouldn't have bothered you guys."
"Damn it Woody, it's not a bother, you have cancer, you could die and your cracking jokes." He stopped; but I got the blow up I was looking for, I know he's not sure how to act around me, so I had got him to react instead of sitting there, it doing neither of us any good. But what he said next surprised me "it should me be who is apologizing, for the way I have been treating you. I started it and the rest of them followed."
I recovered by watching the ocean for a couple of minutes, if had to guess it would be that, Lily got tired of watching them give me the cold shoulder and put her foot down, I really like her, she has a warm, motherly, soft side that makes her such a good consoler but if you get her railed up… watch out. "Its okay doc, I understand, you believed I betrayed Jordan, and well not to make it sound petty you all did know her first. You all have more feeling invested in her, and that I can very easily understand. I don't blame any of you for the cold shoulder. I… I'm just to tired to deal with it now, been a long day you know."
We had been sitting for almost an hour now, its funny; I am one of those people that have to be constantly doing something. But I have spent most of the day not moving, when he finally stopped trying not to fidget. I was wondering how long he would keep it up. He said "hey lets go get something to eat, I'm starved, I'm sure you haven't eaten much."
We both got up and started to walk towards the cars. "Not tonight Dr. Macy, I'm tired I think I will just go home and go to bed…" I stopped when the panic flashed in his eyes; I know he's still worried I will do something stupid. "Don't worry doc, I have never been one to do things the easy way. If this thing is going to kill me it's going to have a hell of a fight on its hands. I am just tired and want to sleep and maybe pretend the last month has not happen." Oh hell, I did not mean to add that last part. I must be more tired then I thought.
"Oh okay, but I want you to call me tomorrow, I want to help you decide what your going to do. You need support, my wife… well ex now, she had found a lump when we were married and for 3 days we lived with the fear that she might have cancer. So I have some idea what you're going through." He said, he knew I had given as much as I am going to give tonight, guess him working with Jordan for so long came in handy. She and I are a lot a like, I'm just better at hiding it.
"If you want but I called Dr Davis's office about 15 minutes before you showed up, and left a message that I would be there tomorrow to talk to him about treatments."
"Well looks like you got it all figured out." He said. I know it was a joke but it still hurt, I can only hope I hid my reaction to it enough, good thing its dark out.
"Doc, I've had to have things figured out since before I was 16 years old for mine and my brother's sake."
"Oh yea what about you're family, you're parents and brother, what are you going to tell them." Oh god he doesn't know, I have spent almost 4 years around these people and they don't even know about my family's past. Well that is my fault as well, I never talked about them; I think I mentioned my brother a couple of times.
"Doc, my parents are dead, my dad was killed by a punk kid trying to hold up a store, when I was 16 and my mom… she died when I was 4. It's just my little brother and me. I will call him when I know more, but there is no need to worry him right now."
I had hoped he didn't catch my hesitation about my mom… but no such luck, because he said "Woody… what did your mom die from?"
"Cancer" I said very quietly, half hoped he didn't hear me, but from his sharp intake of breath I knew he did.
"Damn, that explains why you are so calm." He said as he stepped in front of me and looked me in the eyes. "Well we will deal with this tomorrow, for now go home and get some sleep. Tomorrow morning you are going to call me when you go talk to your doctor because I'm going with you. You are not doing this alone, you have my support." Wow I know he's the boss, the Chief Medical Examiner but to see him take charge like that is kind of cool. "And I will talk to Jordan tomorrow, I know she'll supp…" he stopped when I looked slightly panicked
"No, please doc, don't tell Jordan, I don't want her to know. I… she don't need to… worry about me. Please doc, promise me you will not tell Jordan." I could tell I was pleading and he was going to ask why, I can't tell him. I can't tell him the reason I don't want Jordan to know is because if I do die I don't want her to have to live with any more guilt, if I let her push me so far away then if I do die she will just mourn me briefly then move on. To me that's what real, true love is, a love strong enough to let someone go, and live their own life.
"Why not, you need the support, I know Jordan would understand…" he started but I cut him off
I grabbed his arms to make him look me in the eyes. "Please doc, I… have my reasons, just promise me. You will not tell her… or fix it so she finds out another way. I don't want her to know. She's… she just doesn't need to know."
"Okay but we well talk about the real reason why another day. But for now I promise I will not tell her." I knew he would say something like that, I could see it in his eyes, the answer did nothing but make him want to know why more. Oh well I will burn that bridge when I cross it.
We both got in our respective cars and drove off. I did just what I said I would do; I drove home, I even drove slower then normal, so that the doc would have an easier time following me. I know he would, he would want to make sure I got home just fine. I parked my car and waved at him, to let him know I knew he was there. He drove pasted and had a sheepish smile and waved, I'm a cop if I can't tell when someone is tailing me, especially when I know he would; then I wouldn't be a very good cop. I climbed up the stairs and walked in to my apartment, I went straight to the bedroom removing clothes as I went. Didn't even bother to shower or brush my teeth, I was out before my head hit the pillow.
(Garrett)
I followed Woody, I know I shouldn't he's a grown man and he can take care of himself, hell he has protected every member of my staff at one time or another. When we got to his apartment I saw him get out and wave to me, I should have known he would see me, he is probably one of the best cops I have ever worked with, and his instincts are usually dead on. I drove by and waved, when I had passed I watch, in my rearview mirror, him slowly walk in to his building. I continued to head on home, not that hungry now myself. The guilt has left a sour taste in my mouth. When I got home, I poured a stiff shot of whiskey; you know this really does remind me of Jordan's eyes. That brings back the hunted, pleading tone that Woody used on me when he didn't want Jordan to find out, I need to talk to Lily privately I know she will support him and will not tell Jordan, can't be sure about Nigel or even Bug, Sidney's not be around long enough to understand. So Lily and I have to keep this from the rest of the staff unless I can convince Woody to let me tell Jordan… I know she would be there for him. She may be hiding how she feels from everyone especially herself, but I have known them both for several years now. I have seen the way they look at each other when they think no one is watching. But that enough running around in circles for now, tomorrow is going to be a long day for more then one of us.