Improper Guardian

Chapter Forty One

By: Brenli

… Gone. Nema won her war but she was not there to see just what that meant. She is gone.

I'm sure that if I really wanted to, I could count the days from her death till now. It's just that… I don't really care to. Times have changed. Heaven has changed. There is a separate district for all I-Children, though they have the right to go where they want… and they really aren't called that anymore. We've found that their levels of power vary from their parentage and so we have so-called I-Children that are now classified as everything from Angels to Seraphim. But I won't lie. Even though years have passed, relations between them and us have been a little strained. It gets better, however, the more Angels fall in love and decide to have children of their own, because then they finally understand what it means to love someone that much. The district made for them is very large… I'm impressed with it, though I really shouldn't be, because I was there to help design and build it… I was there to take care of all the things that would have been Nema's job. And I think… the only reason they gave me those rights was because they knew that I loved her.

I loved her… and I still do. I love her so much I made a memorial for her… I am sitting here at the middle of it… at the foot of the statue made in her honor. It is lovely. Made of white marble, with rubies for the eyes… She is standing in a proud stance, with her arms held up as she poses with her sword... She looks positively beautiful and strong.

I remember… I wanted the face of the statue to be a comfort to the Angels she fought for. I wanted her face to express a kind of motherly strength and kindness… because that's what she is for a lot of them, even the ones that are older than her. Everyone says that it had been captured perfectly… But I see this sense of sadness in the face. Her lips are turned up in a small smile, but it looks so lonely… I don't know. Maybe that is just my own loneliness reflecting off that lovely face of hers.

I have changed a good deal, too… I'm not sure if this is a good or a bad thing. I hear what everyone says, though… 'the formerly Childish General of the Angelic Army is finally a man.' 'Now he's a true War Angel. A real protector.'

… It's true that I am all those things, now. Because I know now that my own irresponsible, selfish decisions have ultimately led me to my misery. I will never, ever perform an action without considering the consequences for my stupid behavior. Never again. And I understand that, in a way, it's a good thing. No one has to worry about getting hurt around me… unless, of course, they are a threat to the overall good of Heaven.

… But it's just so… empty. I know that Nema would find my changes in behavior to be an inherently wonderful thing, but it's only half the glory if she isn't here to actually express her happiness.

I want her to be here. I know that she should be here, wearing that weird little mini-crown of hers. She should be taking in the fruits of her efforts, and she should be here with me. Loving me, letting me love her. Letting me treat her like my Queen, because she is, in a weird way. Letting me protect her… making sure that she will never know any more pain than she has already felt.

… But sometimes, when I'm feeling a little more self-hatred than usual… I'll come by here, and I'll stare up into that marble replica of that beautiful, beautiful face… and I'll think… that maybe it is better this way. Maybe… I can't trust my heart… you know? Maybe I can't trust it to love her as much as she deserves. With her gone… not near me… I can't hurt her anymore. I know that's all I'd done for the majority of her life. Letting her suffer as she called for my help… cried for my help, and I decided that hunting and causing general havoc was so much more important than the happiness of that wonderful girl… And when I knew her better… All the things I said, all the things I did… She deserved so much better… All I have done is hurt her. Even when I didn't want to… All I did was make her angry and torn up inside, most of the time.

Every now and then, I wonder what's happened to that wonderful soul of hers… I want to believe that somehow she is still out there. I don't want to believe that she suffered the fate of all dead Angels… becoming some ghoul. She is so much better than that kind of personal Hell… I want to believe that Uriel picked up her spirit and put it into some kind of doll, like he did for Doll… I want to believe he did this, and that Nema's down in Hades, and one day, I'm gonna meet up with her again. I honestly want to believe this fantasy… And I know that as one year flows into the next, the less and less it becomes a possibility and the more and more it remains a simple fantasy… But there are times… when it hits me so, so hard… that I need to believe it's true.

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"Uncle MIIIIIKA!"

Blue-green eyes blinked away from his small reverie of sadness and recollection, and for the sake of the little child trying to run his way over to him, he put on a smile. "Hey, it's Abel!"

"I am…" Abel's one blue eye and one red eye blinked for a moment, and then the small, chubby white hand held up two fingers. "TWO!"

"It's your birthday already? I thought that happened, what? Three days ago?"

"Your sense of time is horrible, Mika-chan." Abel's father smiled at the Fire Angel, and then focused on the tape recorder in Michael's hands. "… Should we leave you alone?"

Michael pressed a couple buttons and shrugged. "… I was finished, anyway."

"… So, where have you been all week?"

"You're not gonna believe me."

"Try me."

Michael gave him a dry smirk. "I've been in Hell. Lucifer was having some kind of anniversary feast."

"… Seriously?" Raphael arched a golden brow.

"Seriously." Michael shrugged. "It was okay. Jinho's been whining about this Lilith person he's been betrothed to. I told him to just fucking forget the girl, if he hates her so much. Then he looks at me and he says, 'But what if she ends up being the one meant for me? This is the first time I have ever been matched up with a Demon!'" He laughed. "… Lucifer told me that Jinho HAS had six wives… one at a time. Each human. After the sixth death, Jinho's been afraid of dating humans. He's afraid of… how short the lifespan is."

Raphael allowed Abel to sit beside him as he sat next to his dearest friend. "Couldn't he bite them?"

"He says he'd never damn a girl like that… then he went right back to eating his steak… which was so bloody I'm almost sure it was cut directly from the animal."

"… Yuck."

"To each their own."

Raphael nodded, supposing that was true enough. "… So how are you?"

Michael's blue-green eyes flickered over to Raphael, and then down to the tape. "… I finished talking about… all of it. Today's tape is just… me rambling."

"Does it help at all?"

"It helps me vent… that's about it." The War Angel leaned against the legs of the statue of Nema, something he did whenever he recorded his thoughts and recollections.

Raphael cleared his throat. "… I spoke with Uriel, today."

Michael snorted. "He ALLOWED you to speak with him?"

He smiled a little. "He said that you showed up in Hades… But you didn't really talk to anyone."

Michael was quiet for a moment, but he pushed himself to speak. "… Well, first off, Uriel's been a complete dick for the past two years, and as much as I like him, I wouldn't really WANT to talk to him, lately."

"He's just heartbroken."

"He's not the ONLY bastard who's fucking heartbroken! You don't see ME walking around with my head in the clouds, not saying anything but fucking rude shit! And if you ask me, that asshole is fucking LUCKY! At least the girl he cared about is ALIVE! … At least BOTH of the girls he cared about are ALIVE!" Michael snapped and fumed.

Raphael let him breathe a little before he continued. "… And I guess Katou and Doll aren't worth talking to, either?"

"No, they're okay." Michael swallowed up the anger inside him and sighed. "… They kinda make me think of when I was with… her. So… I don't know. It's good."

"But you didn't talk to them."

"No."

"… Uriel says he found you in the forest…"

"… Yeah." Michael mumbled quietly.

Raphael's smile was sad as he felt the uneasy melancholy begin to flow from Michael. "… You were looking for her."

"It's not like I think she'll be herself!" He replied defensively. "… I know what ghouls look like, and all."

"… Then why do you try, if you know she'll look different?"

"I was on my way home from Lucifer's feast! Sue me if I decided to camp out in Hades!"

"This is the tenth time you've done this."

"FUCK YOU!" Michael yelled. Abel was remarkably resilient to loud remarks, and only arched a snowy brow at the Fire Angel. "I don't expect you to understand."

Raphael sighed and remained silent, focusing on the ground before him.

"… I am pathetic."

"No, don't say that."

"No, that's true. I'm pathetic." Michael shrugged. "It's been about 2 years… Why can't I let go?"

"Mourning takes longer for certain people… and you did fall for her hard and fast. That doesn't help, any."

"… Sometimes I think it's because she isn't really dead. You know… she is worse than dead. She's a ghoul… but that means she still exists, in a way."

"… I had a very weird dream, once."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah… You had kids. Two of them. The boy was friends with Abel."

"… I had kids by myself?" Michael cringed.

"… No. She was there, too."

Michael stood, taking his tape recorder with him. "… Nema would have made a good mother."

"Where are you going?" Raphael called out to him.

Michael did not respond.

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"Hello again, little brother."

Michael's shoulders stiffened. "… What are you doing in Hades?"

Lucifer offered him a careless kind of smile. "Alexiel wanted to visit here. She has a fondness for the forest."

"Things are brighter here. Could you blame me?" The Dark Queen smiled and regarded Michael with a nod of her head. "It is nice to see you more often, Michael. What brings you here?"

Michael looked down at the bag he'd dropped by his feet.

"It would look…" Lucifer casually tapped the bag with his boot, "… as though you'd be planning to camp out here."

The Fire Angel shrugged it off, but the older brother read the sadness in his eyes.

"… Let's go for a walk. Shall we?" Alexiel suggested softly.

Michael shrugged again and began to move forward, complying with Alexiel's request. Oh God, this was an awkward situation… No doubt the wheels were turning in their heads… piecing together the reasons why he'd come down here…

"So, Michael," Lucifer said idly, "Jinho tells me you've given him some advice on his little issue with his match…"

"Yeah. Told him that if he really hates her so much, he should just forget her, then."

"Oh, but I had assumed that you of all people would advise against that." Alexiel's lips pressed into a tiny pout.

"That is true," Lucifer agreed. "You were very much against Nema, if you remember."

"I remember." Michael's mouth turned into a firm line for a moment, and then softened into a frown. "… There are a lot of albino ghouls, here."

"A natural effect of the Revolution and the Rabbit Hunting." Alexiel nodded.

"… Sometimes, I wonder if she's here."

"But she IS here." Lucifer replied to his little brother's soft murmur. "… Unfortunately, the problem is finding her. You are looking for her, aren't you?"

Michael was silent.

"… And what will you do, when you find her?"

"Ghouls were once Angels, but they lack the mind and a good deal of the spirit…" Alexiel added on to Lucifer's question, "However much she loved you, she is not herself, anymore."

"I KNOW THAT!" Michael snapped. "… The last time I was here, I saw an albino ghoul feeding on a dead darker ghoul…"

"A reminder of what the true nature of all ghouls is." Lucifer said gravely. "But as Alexiel often tells me, deep in the core of them is a spark of the Angels they once were."

"It's important to remember that." Alexiel nodded. "Their true nature is to steal what life they can because they remember and long for that kind of completeness. It's just as crucial to know why they function the way they do, as to just what they do."

Michael absorbed the words, feeling them settle like icy shards in his stitched up heart. That was the kind of life Nema was subjected to, now… And Michael had known that already, without the help of his older brother and his dear wife.

He heard a couple dim cries of his name, but he dismissed it. So they had stopped to see something… Good for them. Michael was going to branch off and try to rid himself of the particularly gloomy feelings they'd unintentionally shoved into him.

"PLEASE COME HERE AND HELP ME WITH THIS!"

Okay, that was a particularly weird cry.

Michael turned. He'd had no idea that he'd moved so far ahead from them… and then his eyes widened.

Many loud growls were coming from a thicket, and Lucifer had brandished his sword and begun to march on toward the sounds. Alexiel was waving Michael back to them.

What could he do? He hadn't brought his sword with him… and to be honest he was not interesting in spearing the hearts of some ghouls to save his skin. Especially after the words Alexiel and Lucifer had said.

"MY LITTLE BROTHER SEEMS TO BE A LITTLE DEAF!" Lucifer's voice came out with tones of annoyance that he usually kept in check. "GET OVER HERE!"

The Fire Angel arched a deep red brow. Lucifer was using the flat of his sword's blade to bat at one of three albino ghouls that seemed particularly interested in eating each other… Watching the ghouls try to perform this was weird enough. Watching his cool, calm, and collected older brother batting at one of the three like some kind of strange wimp…?

That was almost priceless.

So Michael joined in the fight, though he did not understand what was going on. If they weren't going to kill the ghouls, then what was the point in struggling with them?

It made sense when Alexiel fought an albino ghoul that sported tufts of darker hair. She had to hit the ghoul several times with the flat of her sword's Angel Crystal blade, but when it seemed dizzy enough, she dropped the Nanatsusaya and placed her hands over it's sunken cheeks. And Michael struck the green-eyed ghoul before him and watched as Alexiel's ghoul began to glow.

He was awestruck, having learned but forgotten that Alexiel, the Organic Angel, could return the unnatural ghoul to it's rightful and natural state… as an Angel.

The flesh began to build up and form muscle, and the white skin lost its ashy appearance and began soft and snowy. And as the hair regrew, white with a layer of black on top, Michael's blue-green eyes widened. He knew that man…

"I have seen you before…" Alexiel said gently as the albino Angel breathed shakily, his black wings quivering as they were remade. "You are Rujiel… aren't you?"

The man tried to take a deep breath. "… I…" And then he collapsed, and Alexiel laid him on the ground gently.

With this she rushed to Michael and took over the fight here, and Michael watched the process repeat itself, and he knew he had seen the woman Alexiel had saved, too.

"Oh, and Nyssa… Correct?" Alexiel said warmly.

"… Correct?" Nyssa merely repeated.

"Your eyes are so dim right now… you must have been the one picked on the most. You can rest now…"

And Nyssa said nothing. Her green eyes, dim with fatigue, drifted down to the body on the ground. This seemed to spark a bit of vitality back into the green orbs, and she pushed away from Alexiel's touch. "… Ruji…!" She couldn't even finish the name. She collapsed over the body, fainting from weakness.

Michael watched the two Rabbits that were magically restored, no longer empty ghouls… saved. Immediately a wish formed in his mind. He squashed it on the spot, not interested in being too hopeful.

But God, it was almost worth it to be that hopeful. After all, there was one more left…

"Any day now, honey!" Lucifer batted the poor ghoul over the head. This time the blow was enough to knock it out.

"Patience is a virtue," Alexiel smirked at her husband and picked up the ghoul. "… Oh, poor thing. This one is bleeding."

"It was bleeding before I got to it," Lucifer said placidly.

"But it had been feasting on Nyssa there…"

"Perhaps it had been lucky enough to escape an attack prior to attackING…"

"No matter." Alexiel said as she cradled the ghoul's face. Her dark eyes flickered over to Michael, whose own eyes were wide as saucers. "Pray for a miracle, little brother…!"

He was never the praying kind, as there was no one to pray to, anyway. But he even as he told himself that optimism would hurt him, he felt the small tremor of hope deep inside him… Hope that 2 years of mourning will not have been pointless…

The skin softened and took on the strange but healthy glow awarded to the Angel formerly known as I-Children. The body began to take on gender… it was a female. A small female… shorter than Michael himself, with long snowy white hair that looked like it would be silky to the touch.

The girl was so short that Michael could not see the face from behind Alexiel's body. Large, beautiful black wings formed, stretched out and flapped once.

"Oh, easy now…! You aren't filled to the brim with energy…" Alexiel bent down a little to peer at her face, and she gave a happy cry and matched Michael's shocked one. "… My sister-in-law!" Alexiel grinned.

"Nema?" Michael was dumbfounded. Completely dumbfounded! Was this for real? Was he really looking at her, like he had been longing for?

The girl's ruby eyes shifted over to Michael, and that was confirmation enough. Nema stumbled forward, falling into Alexiel's embrace, one ivory hand reaching out to her Fiery Angel, "… Mi…"

He sprang forth and reached out a biker-gloved hand, but her fingers suddenly fell limp, and Michael paused, hand outstretched, unsure.

"Silly girl…" Alexiel said softly. "I told you to take it easy."

Michael jumped when he felt Lucifer's hand clasp his shoulder. "… How about that?"

"… It was… luck." Michael stammered under his breath.

"Consider it a gift… a very spontaneous gift." Lucifer smiled down at his awestruck brother.

"OY!" They heard a cry, and suddenly Katou was there with them. "I heard some nasty growls over here…! Are you – what the…?" Katou's blue eyes blinked rapidly as he saw the two bodies on the ground and the one in Alexiel's arms. "Holy shhhh…" He stammered and then dug out his cell phone, flipped it open and dealed a number. "Doll? Get Uriel! … Hey, Uriel. You're not gonna believe this…"

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I don't know where to begin… I don't. It's hard to comprehend where I AM just now… I mean, I can say it. I am in Hades. I am in one of Uriel's many rooms. I am by the window. I had Raphael bring my tape recorder to me… but what's hard to swallow is who's in the bed, sleeping away.

… God, she's back! I don't know what else to say about it. She's back…! This whole scene I'm in right now… it feels like a dream. But the thing is, that happens a lot with Nema… I end up thinking that something is a dream, and it's not.

…

She's back! I know I'm going to listen to this later and call myself a fucking idiot. But right now, I just don't fucking care…! She's back!

Suddenly these past two years… just don't mean anything, anymore. They're not important. What's important is right now. And who's sleeping here because she's just too exhausted.

I guess the process of reverting back from being a ghoul is a tiring process. Alexiel told me that sometimes a reverted ghoul may faint for as long as 5 hours.

Well it's been four. And I can afford to wait one more, or if Nema decides she wants to sleep for longer… Hell, I don't care. At least she's HERE. That's more than I used to be able to say…

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"Is she okay?"

Michael quit babbling and looked up at the albino Angel that had stumbled into the room, letting the recording run. "… She's fine."

Rujiel leaned heavily against the doorframe and nodded. "… She loves you, you know. Even when she was dating me… I mean… it was obvious."

"… Bitter?"

"Hardly…" Rujiel held up one hand in a helpless, albeit tired, gesture. "Nema saw to the heart of me… and she knew that there is only one girl for me. And it was not her."

Michael listened to him and nodded. "… I proposed to her. We were going to get married but then…"

"… Good." Rujiel said with a smile. "Remember to treat her right… that girl loves you like crazy."

This made laughter bubbled up inside him. "… Yeah. I know."

"… RUJIEL!"

"Oh Hell…" Rujiel sighed as Doll suddenly appeared.

"What are you doing? Get back into bed! You're to get plenty of rest! You can visit people later!" And the maid ushered him off.

Michael listened as Rujiel was forced into the bed in the room right next to hers, and returned to his tape recorder. "… That was weird… talking to Nema's ex-boyfriend. He doesn't seem to have ANY bad feelings about me… or his death. A part of me thinks it might just be that he's too tired to pick a fight, but it seemed like he'd really just… moved on, while he was a ghoul. Is that possible…?"

Again, he was interrupted. This time, it was Nyssa, who was running from a frantic Barbiel and collapsing against the door, breathing heavily. She obviously wasn't fit to be running around just yet, but she did it, anyway. "Oh...! Hi…!"

Michael blinked. "… Hi."

Nyssa nodded toward Nema. "She's good?"

"She's fine –"

"Where's Rujiel?" Nyssa blurted out. She offered him a quick smile when he pointed to the room next door. "Thank you!" And then she was gone.

Again, Michael returned to his tape recorder. "… No offense to Nema, but I've noticed that a LOT of Rabbits… act fucking WEIRD, sometimes…"

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"NYSSA! Get back here at once!" Barbiel's eyes widened as she watched the Rabbit rush into Rujiel's room and lock the door. "… This is NOT happening…!" She groaned.

Nyssa leaned against the door and took heavy breaths.

"… N… Nyssa?"

She smiled at the Rabbit sitting up in bed, his black and white hair mussed, his garnet eyes bleary.

"… Nyssa, what are you doing here? You need to lie down…" Rujiel said shakily. And then he felt the dread run through him as Nyssa's bright green eyes began to well up with tears. "… Ny-"

"… I'm sorry!" She stumbled and fell forward.

"NYSSA!" Rujiel reached out to catch her as she fell over him, his heart suddenly skipping beats as he felt her body very nearly melt into his. But he scolded her. "DON'T DO THAT! What if you hit the floor?"

"I don't care…" Nyssa choked out in tears, her pale arms wrapping around his chest.

"… Nyssa…"

"I'm sorry…!" She repeated to him. "… You should have… knocked some sense into me a long time ago, Rujiel…! Why did I ever think Ashriel was right for me? God… I am a horrible person, aren't I?" She clung onto him for dear life, spilling out the words that haunted her while she was lost in the sick, hungry state that all ghouls were subjected to. "Making you suffer just so that I could suffer with a man I wasn't meant to be with… Why didn't I see that the one I needed was right there…? The one who comforted me when Ashriel made me worry… the one that gave me a flower that won't ever die…" She brushed one hand along her tattoo before returning to the embrace she was giving him. "God, I loved the wrong man…!"

Rujiel hands shook as they rested in a loose, unsteady embrace around her shoulders.

"… I love YOU…" Nyssa's voice quivered. "But if I have waited too long… or hurt you too much…"

"You HAVE hurt me too much."

Nyssa bit back the sob building in her throat, but didn't know what to make of the tightening of his embrace.

"… Near the end, there, I was finally beginning to get mad at you… took me long enough, didn't it?" Rujiel sighed. "… But I've meant it, every time I've told you that I love you… And you know that's been a whole lot."

And Nyssa sighed as she felt his press a kiss against the crown of her head.

"And nothing's going to change that."

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… God damn these walls being so thin! … No, it's not like THAT. But that damn Ruji bastard's got that Nyssa girl all crying, "I love YOU…!"

… Dammit, I wish Nema would wake up. So that I can go ahead and tell her, "I love YOU." And I know that she knows… but it has been 2 long years since I have been able to tell her.

It's creeping up on the fifth hour. I feel so fucking stupid just waiting for her to even move, but there's no way I'm leaving this spot. I've decided that when she wakes up, the first words out of my mouth have to be, "I love you." And I will ask her to marry me, and this time I'll do it right. I won't be screaming it to her. I'll be calm this time. And I'll ask her, "Will you marry me…?"

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"… Yes."

Michael's tape recorder slipped from his hands, and he choked on his own breath. After coughing twice, his eyes, wide and a pure, brilliant blue, met the ruby eyes that reflected the moon back at him.

And she nodded and gave him a small smile. "Yes, I will marry you…"

Michael forgot all about his tape recorder, letting it drop to the floor, the tape popping out of the machine. And the Fire Angel went to her and wrapped her up in kisses and kisses and even more kisses, brushes of his lips over hers.

They remained like that for a quite a while… Michael lost track of time. Before he knew it his kisses were getting more urgent.

"Michael, I'm still loopy…" Nema said weakly.

"Loopy is fine."

She laughed softly. "No, you're taking advantage of me…"

"You don't sound like you care much." He mumbled between kisses.

"… Shut up…" She sighed against him.

"NEMA! Oh, you're awake now!"

Michael's eyes did a drastic change from blue to green. It was Jinho, of all people, bowing like a gentleman and ruining a perfect moment. "… Fucking KNOCK, Demon!"

"Oh, but Nema is finally awake! It has been two years, Nema, did you know?"

"No…" Nema said quietly.

"Oh, you look so tired, Nema! Maybe you need more rest –"

"That is a fucking AWESOME idea." Michael leapt to his feet and began shoving Jinho out of the room. "We'll party tomorrow. Tonight Nema will REST. So GO!" And then he shut the door and locked it.

"… WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, I AM NOT SURE HOW MUCH REST YOU WILL ALLOW NEMA TO HAVE ON THIS NIGHT, MICHAEL-SAMA!" Jinho's voice came through the door muffled.

And neither of them did get much rest that night, but they didn't really care. And nobody blamed them.

THE END

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AUTHORESS NOTE: … God, it's… the END! T.T I have been working on Impy for so long… I do promise you that I've become extremely attached to it… It's kind of difficult to let it go. XD

Gah, I don't know what I'm talking about. There is a SEQUEL, after all. That's right, I kid you not! I shall direct reader traffic back to "Layers" – The sequel to my beloved Impy! This particular work is going to be cowritten with the lovely round-eyed sister of mine, AmetrineButterfly, Ametriney!

At this time, I would also like to THANK Ametriney, for the story of the birth of Impy goes something like this:

Brenli: … So I had this weird idea to write a fanfic about Michael being a Guardian Angel.

Ametriney: Do it.

Brenli: You think I should?

Ametriney: FUCKING DO IT!

Brenli: Okay.

… Okay, maybe it wasn't SO threatening, but you get the point. So if there's anyone to thank, it's her. Because I probably would have dismissed ALL OF THIS as a silly daydream if I hadn't been persuaded to write it.

Oh yeah, and one more thing… you didn't HONESTLY think I'd kill Nema off, did you? I mean, I love angst… but God dammit, there are some things you just don't fuck with. Michael is one of those things. I'm not gonna make him heartbroken…! He'd probably… explode and burn the Earth to ashes or something.