Apologies for once again having a delay in updating this chapter, but it has been a very long week. I hope the bumper, extra-long update makes up for the long time you've had to wait. Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, especially Anny, Meggi and Ficmouse for their continued support and friendship.
I hope you enjoy this update, here it is. x
To look out for you
The definition of delicate
Delicate: adjective; easily broken or damaged, fragile, requiring sensitive or careful handling
Nick Jordan
Nick found himself unexpectedly sitting in silence at his desk staring across at a female colleague for the second time in the matter of half an hour and couldn't help but wonder quite how he was going to explain his very recent behaviour to her or anyone else for that matter. It wasn't as if he had not been familiar with the madness that ensued when personal feelings became intertwined with working relationships, his own former romantic entanglement with Zoe was a clear example of that as was the breakdown of his marriage. Nonetheless he could not recall that there had been many occasions in his career when he had reacted quite so vehemently towards the complicated affairs of the heart that members of his team found themselves ensconced in.
However Dr Sam Nicholls was far from being just another member of staff and whilst he couldn't quite remember at what precise moment his affection for the young woman had become quite so strongly paternal, seeing her hurting so badly and quite how desperate she had been to convince him that her deployment to an Afghan warzone was a positive move for her had been too much for him to bear. The incoherent chain of events that had led from them being involved in an intense discussion in his office to him now being glared at by Dr Zoe Hanna was still quite a blur, yet unlike his earlier meeting with Sam his current companion was definitely less than pleased to be in the same room as him and he was sure she only remained present to prevent him from doing anything more irrational than his actions downstairs just minutes earlier.
The fact that within a matter of twenty four hours he had taken a sledgehammer to his friendship with his ex-partner and then acted so badly towards one of his team that he felt certain he would feel the consequences for quite some time to come was out of character for him, of that much he was certain. However despite that he had become aware that when Sam was at the centre of an issue his ability to act rationally was clouded at best.
He had known from the moment he had arrived at the pub the previous night and seen the state some of his E.D. team had already been in that this shift was going to be particularly hellish and that had been before he considered the added complexities of shifting allegiances and relationships between himself and Drs Hanna, Keogh and Nicholls. He recalled the moment he had stood in the centre of the department and reluctantly cast his gaze over the motley and dishevelled group of individuals that were apparently on better days his prized staff group, capable of managing all eventualities and disasters. He had known it would be too much to hope for that the disarray would be eased by a quiet shift, but whilst cubicles had been relatively busy he had spent most of the morning feeling incredibly grateful that the day had passed thus far without major incident or accident in the locality. If he was honest he didn't think any of them, himself included much to his own annoyance, had the capacity to manage such a situation well that day, despite realising how incredibly unprofessional that sounded.
He remembered the expectant look he had seen in everyone's eyes at the thought of whatever horrendous task he would assign them too that shift as punishment for their slightly dazed state. He could barely remember another occurrence when his allocations had caused so much of a stir, as with the exception of keeping Dr Lyons away from the much sought after resus patients and Dr Keogh's never-ending tenure in CDU he knew that the remainder of the staff were always flexible about where in the department they worked. However he had definitely picked up on an air of anticipation as he had announced who would be working with who, something that had been complicated significantly by his overwhelming desire to take his own hangover out on someone. He knew he had allowed his normally coherent decision making process to be compromised by a few key individuals that he felt needed to be treated in a certain manner that morning and this had definitely helped him speed up the allocation, albeit not being an outcome he had been entirely satisfied with.
He recalled that his quickest decision had been to send Lenny to work with the already busy Dr Keogh in CDU, primarily as a way of reprimanding him for his late arrival and how clear it was that he was still suffering the ill-effects of his vast alcohol consumption the night before. Nick had figured that of himself, Zoe and Dylan it was the latter who would actually give Dr Lyons the hardest time that day, both as Dr Keogh had no time for those who abused alcohol but also as the consultant appeared to be in an even worse mood than was usual for him, something he had still yet to get to the bottom of.
The moment that decision had been made, it had felt most appropriate to keep Sam and Tom together given how supportive the male doctor appeared to be of his counterpart and the good rapport Nick had watched develop between them in recent weeks. After their conversation in the pub he felt Dr Kent was possibly the only other person he trusted within the department to keep a watchful eye over Dr Nicholls and therefore he felt able to leave them to their own devices, with a slightly depressed looking Scarlett for company as he had picked up that Sam appeared to have a soft spot for the young nurse since her assault.
With those assignments made it had seemed wisest to despatch Zoe to resus, where Nick had felt she would be far enough away from Sam, Dylan and himself to prevent the already tangled situation from disintegrating any further during the shift. The thought of Dr Hanna being the consultant to work alongside Dr Nicholls had seemed untenable and given his own falling out with the woman the day before he had known their own separation would be for the good of the team, if not helping to heal their shattered friendship. It had been as the impact of his own thought processes had started to sink in that he could not help but realise quite how unsustainable the fractures in this E.D. would soon become as it had become apparent to him quite how many people had colleagues they would struggle to work alongside for much longer if circumstances didn't begin to improve, something he knew he would soon have to do something about.
He had briefly hoped that his words with Zoe had actually had an impact and that she would be prepared to help him resolve the source of the tension, being the outstanding marital difficulties of her partner and his wife, but he had always known quite how stubborn Dr Hanna could be when she was cornered so he had not allowed himself to be optimistic this would indeed be the case. His only other hope lay with Sam herself and this ill-considered plan to initiate divorce proceedings as a way of moving things forward, but he had also known that whilst he would support that choice if it was what she really wanted he personally believed that far from improving things it was likely that this course of action could only end with her becoming even further isolated.
He remembered that he had finally dispatched Linda to work alongside Dr Hanna after much deliberation, but in wanting to keep her from being a distraction for Lenny and also put some space between her and Sam after the nurse's clumsy attempts to establish some gossip from her the previous night he had been left with few options. Nick had only been able to hope that she didn't subject Zoe to similar levels of interrogation, but he had been certain than despite the current mess she was embroiled in Dr Hanna had far too much sense to disclose anything important to the loudest mouth in the department.
The remainder of his morning had been spent calling those that had disgraced themselves into his office to be reprimanded, with Dr Lyons and Nurse Andrews being top of that list, a list which had also included the exceedingly grouchy Big Mac and Noel, who had obviously been still suffering from their own alcohol consumption. He had also considered berating Dr Keogh for the disrespect he had shown in failing to attend the staff briefing that morning, but had thought that was a conversation better suited to a time when he himself was feeling a little less delicate, given how dismissive his fellow consultant was likely to be of any such rebuke.
In fact if he recalled correctly he had been quite happy to leave his team to get on with things that day, mainly because given the impact the previous night was having on their personalities he had felt it wiser to stay out of their way and recover from his own hangover in peace and quiet. He had only left the safety of his office in the first place because Zoe had arrived wanting space to complete some paperwork he had asked her to deal with before their argument and the awkward tension in the room with them both present had instantly been almost unbearable. He had picked up that not only was his ex-partner distancing herself from him as a result of their cruel words, but she also appeared to be keeping out of Dylan's way too and at the time he remembered that he had been annoyed at her for finally trying to show a discrete distance from her relationship now that the damage had already been done.
He had been busy reviewing a patient when Sam had tried to speak to him, but he had instantly seen from her nervous expression that it was important and therefore he had sent her up ahead to his room to wait for him, before seeking out Dr Kent for assurance that all had been well when he had left her the night before. They had had a brief, hushed conversation in the centre of cubicles, out of earshot of everyone except perhaps Scarlett and he had been relieved when Tom had confirmed he had walked Sam safely home. It had only been when Nick offered him his grateful thanks for that particular task, being pleased to see that his stern words of warning to the man when they were still in the pub that he was entrusting him with the well-being of his colleague and cautioning him off doing anything stupid, that he saw a slightly confused look cross Nurse Conway's face as she made eye contact with Tom. However he knew that he had pushed any concern he had over that out of his mind, thinking it more of a priority to find out exactly what Sam had to tell him.
He had felt an immense wave of horror and concern wash over him on hearing her words, not only because he didn't think there would ever be a time he would be ready for her to leave, but also on considering that she was not ready to be posted out to a warzone, physically or otherwise, the image of her freshly picked out sutures still fresh in his mind from days before. She had looked so delicate and fragile that her words about the army seemed to jar against the perception he had of the vulnerable young woman who had been sitting in front of him still battered and bruised from her assault. Her reasons for her imminent departure had sounded rational enough, but he had not been able to shake the feeling that she was using the army as an excuse to run away from problems that would not just disappear even if she was thousands of miles away. He recalled considering whether there was any excuse he could use to stop her going, in fact he was still determined to come up with one if there was no other way to prevent this from happening, but he knew that if he did it was likely Sam would just push him away and then go regardless.
He had made it clear to her immediately that he would need to inform the board, trust management and also Zoe, as the team would need to find a replacement for her if she was sure this was what she wanted and he had been surprised that she had not been more fazed at the thought of this development becoming public. The only condition he had heard her set out was that he gave her until the end of the day to tell Dylan before he or Zoe made any announcements and it had saddened him at how little she seemed to realise the impact her departure would have on other people around her, her ex-husband aside.
She had piqued his interest on commenting that she was fully prepared for Dylan to walk out on her as soon as she informed him of her decision to go, which she had clarified by adding that he had never given her any reaction to her previous two postings either other than to inform her that the army was not a good form of career progression, something Nick could well imagine him saying. However he had not really been taking in her words until she had made mention of the fact that Dylan had already stormed out of a room on her once already that morning and she had explained that there had been an awkward moment between the two of them, Zoe and Tom in the staffroom earlier, which she felt may have resulted in her husband refusing to leave CDU for yet another shift.
He had listened with interest as she had referenced Tom being the only other person that knew of her posting and had initially been amused by her hurried explanation that she had wanted to tell him first, but it had been Dr Kent who had been present when she received the news. However that bemusement had soon been replaced with horror upon his realising the implication that Dr Kent had spent the night at Sam's flat with her, despite his instruction for him to watch his step around the girl. As he had started to comprehend the situation he had faced at that moment, it had been a particular statement that she had made around her having wanted to forget all about Dylan and the complications of Holby last night and it being Tom who had helped take her mind off of things, before helping her realise that she actually still had unresolved issues with her husband that she needed to deal with before she left, that had left Nick feeling livid.
He had made his excuses quickly from the office, promising Sam that once they had taken the opportunity to inform Zoe and Dylan of the circumstances then they would have a further discussion later over where that left them before she went home. He had followed her back into the department and immediately sought out Dr Kent, only to be informed that he had been called into resus with Zoe to treat a young child. On the way through the E.D. he had overheard Linda and Lenny whispering in corners but before he had the chance to berate them for their gossiping he overheard the nurse informing Dr Lyons that Tom had been bragging about his night time performance with Sam in such a sordid manner it made him feel nauseous, as he had never wanted to consider her in that way.
Nick had entered resus with such force that the doors slammed backwards and he had found himself staring at the man in question, suddenly having difficulty in contemplating what he was going to say to him in their confrontation. It had become apparent to him at that point that whilst people had openly been chatting about the previous night's events this particular piece of news appeared to have been kept secret from him, even by Sam, and he had suddenly realised the meaning behind the strange look he had earlier seen Scarlett give Tom on him having been congratulated for getting his colleague home safe, when in fact he had walked her home with entirely different intentions it seemed.
Nick had seen the look of alarm cross Dr Kent's face as he approached him on autopilot, but that had not stopped the diatribe of words streaming from his mouth as he slated the young doctor for taking advantage of his female colleague and he knew that he had barely heard any responses that the man had chosen to make. Nick was well aware that he had allowed the red mist to descend across him and that he had come within seconds of hitting Tom for doing the one thing he had solemnly promised not to do, but before he had lashed out properly Charlie had appeared from nowhere behind him and dragged him away. He had still been fuming when he had all but spat in the direction of Tom that he was disgusted with him as they had both known she still loved someone else and he had gone there anyway, meaning that he had just used her for his own ends.
It had only been as Charlie bundled him out of resus and given him a strong indication that he should go and calm down somewhere else that he finally registered the horrified expressions on the faces of Tom, Zoe and the kindly male nurse, as well as the mixture of glee and concern written across the newly returned Linda's face. He recalled taking a deep breath and trying to stabilise his thoughts to work out his next course of action, but the adrenalin had been pumping through him and it had taken all the restraint he had to not storm straight back into the room and properly have it out with Dr Kent.
Zoe had followed him out of resus almost immediately and summonsed him to his own office which had irritated him greatly but he had followed regardless, knowing that to stay would just increase the tension in the E.D. further on an already difficult day. They had walked together in an abject silence and Nick had immediately noticed quite how distressed Dr Hanna had seemed at his unexpected actions, plus the fact that the normally confident and outspoken woman had seemed reluctant to even speak to him.
The two of them had now been sitting across the desk from each other in silence for a number of minutes, but Nick had certainly not wanted to break the noiselessness as it had begun to dawn on him quite how badly his momentary lapse of judgement and descent into utter madness could cost him, especially if Tom reported his unreasonable and aggressive behaviour. However despite that he knew that if the situation were to recur he would act in totally the same way to protect Sam from harm, scaring himself at the thought of how this girl had now taken up residence in part of his heart that he was sure was wholly reserved for his child.
"What in hell were you playing at?" Zoe asked irately, glaring at him with such a force that he felt as if he was under police interrogation. "You could be struck off for that."
"He took advantage of Sam. I warned him off doing anything stupid given how much of a state she has been in recently, but no he had to go there anyway. She's only got a few more weeks to sort everything out and the last thing she needs is to have him making everything even more complicated" Nick started to justify, but realised even on saying the words that it was unlikely his ex-partner would understand the sentiment. "She's leaving Zoe," he explained. "She didn't take the opportunity of a longer secondment."
"What?" his female colleague questioned sharply, surprise evident to him in her features. "Why not?"
"Why do you think?" he retorted bluntly on hearing her reply.
"You can't lay the blame for this at my door," she responded slowly. "It seems like the entire department is caught up in Sam and Dylan's mess at the moment, not just me."
"You started it by sleeping with Dylan. You did that and now she's going," Nick countered, eyeing her with intrigue as he watched her process the information but feeling suddenly overwhelmed by sadness on seeing her broken expression at that piece of news.
"She can't leave because of that," Zoe stated desperately. "She can't go because of me and Dylan because there is no me and Dylan. He's still in love with her, he always has been."
Nick couldn't help but feel stunned at that statement as whilst he had already considered that this may well have been the case, he had never anticipated quite how badly it would affect his own ex-partner for it actually to be true. It almost felt as if someone had taken a wrecking ball to everyone he cared about and smashed everything in its path and for the first time he considered that it wasn't just Sam that needed him to protect her now, as both of the women in his life – his surrogate daughter and the woman he himself still loved – were both incredibly delicate, more so than he thought he had ever seen them before.
Sam Nicholls
Sam stood leaning against the counter in the centre of cubicles looking through the test results Scarlet had just provided her with for one of her patients, reflecting as she did on the outcome of her conversation a few minutes beforehand with Mr Jordan. She had not been that surprised he had not been best pleased with her piece of news, as over the past few weeks since he had made her the offer of a longer secondment, he had definitely been pushing the angle that she should not be returning to war and instead ought to remain in Holby. He had definitely been upping his support of that idea since her assault and whilst she had agreed with him to some extent that she was far from fully fit to be heading back out to Afghanistan, she hoped she had offered him the reassurance he seemed to need that she would be fine. The fact that she had been trying to convince herself of the very same just as much as her Clinical Lead was still not lost on her, but she had decided that the best way to distract herself from what horrors may be about to come her way was to enjoy her last few weeks in Holby the best she could and give herself some better memories to cling onto in the dark days of war.
She had to admit that it had hurt slightly when just a few minutes after hearing of her departure Mr Jordan had all but forced her from the room and it had only been his indication that they would need to talk again later that had convinced her they were still on speaking terms at all. Sam recalled him pointing out to her that he would need to inform Zoe of the development, something she wasn't exactly best pleased about but understood nonetheless and she knew she had apologised that he had not been the first to know, having cited Tom as her initial confidante of that piece of information, hoping as she did that Nick would see she had taken his advice and opened up to some of her colleagues.
Since she had returned to the department from his office she had been pleased to see that order appeared to have been restored, mainly due to the arrival of Tess and Charlie who she was sure had been in a fairly jovial mood until they had seen their wrecked team of staff. However Sam had watched the two older, experienced nurses soon get a handle on the situation and whilst Charlie had been reasonably understanding about the tired state of the majority of staff, she had noted Tess had seemed less so although both nurses had raised a smile on hearing Dr Lyons had been assigned to work with Dr Keogh in CDU, seemingly pleased that their errant colleague was being punished for his poor timekeeping and attitude in recent weeks.
However as Sam had run through with them exactly where everyone was at in terms of her knowledge of current patient status and location she had realised there seemed to be a number of her colleagues missing in action, as whilst she knew Tom had gone to resus, she was unsure if either Jordan or Zoe were in the department any longer and Linda had definitely flitted off somewhere, most likely to gossip with Lenny about the various relationships in the department. Charlie had indicated he would go and check on resus and the moment Nurse Andrews had appeared in the area, Sister Bateman had dispatched her back in that direction also, berating her as she did for apparently being busy doing absolutely nothing whilst poor Scarlett had been practically run off her feet, something Sam had alerted the senior nurse to herself having much appreciated Nurse Conway's efforts, especially as she had not been feeling too happy herself that morning.
Sam returned to the centre of cubicles a few minutes later having passed on the test results she had been studying to her patient and as she did so she noticed Charlie had returned, his face ashen and had quietly whispered in Tess' ear causing her to look visibly concerned on hearing his words. She watched with interest as the two senior nurses shared a confidence across the room from her before Charlie had hurriedly left the department in the direction of CDU and Tess had busied herself sorting out the waiting patient charts, studiously not making eye contact with Sam in her opinion and she found herself wondering if they had somehow already established that she was due to depart imminently and cursed whoever may have informed them this was the case before she had been able to speak to Dylan.
"Why are you still here?" Linda stated from beside her, popping back up out of nowhere and disturbing her trail of thought.
"What do you mean?" Sam asked, looking at her questioningly, as in truth she had no clue what the woman was talking about. "Why wouldn't I be here?" she continued, before picking up her coffee cup from the side and taking a slurp of the now lukewarm liquid, guessing this explanation may be one that could take some time.
"Are you sleeping with Jordan?" Linda probed bluntly in her strong Liverpudlian accent, shocking and horrifying Sam to the core at the very thought of that scenario being true and in response she spluttered the coffee she had been just about to swallow all over the desk. "I thought you would have gone to see what was going on out there."
"Where the hell did you get that from?" she responded angrily. "You seriously need to get your facts straight before you start spreading things like that around," she added, fuming and mortified in equal measure at the interrogation from her colleague. "And what do you mean what's going on out there?" she finished, suddenly remembering the second half of Linda's statement.
"Mr Jordan nearly punched Tom's lights out," Nurse Andrews explained and Sam could see how much the woman was dying to know what was going on. "Charlie had to pull him off him and he was ranting something about Tom knowing better than to lay hands on you because he knows the score," she elaborated, her tone conspiratorial and Sam felt the woman's intense gaze upon her in anticipation of hearing answers from her soon.
"Where is he?" Sam asked instinctively, feeling an overwhelming need to get out of the department and away from the inquisitive stars of the remainder of the team.
"Who?" Linda snapped back.
"Nick," Sam answered quickly and saw the blonde nurse raise her eyebrows in response at that name.
"I'd have thought you'd be more interested in lover-boy to be honest," Nurse Andrews replied sharply. "Zoe took him to his office to cool off if you're that concerned, but I last saw Tom in resus and he's fine by the way, just a little shaken up," she added pointedly. However before Sam could consider which of her two male friends she actually did need to speak to first she was distracted by the sight of Dylan and Lenny appearing back from CDU, her husband's face looking like thunder and failing to hide his reluctance at being back out in the main department with her.
"Charlie said you needed some help?" Dr Lyons said, staring straight at Linda and obviously confused as to what was going on that had enabled him to escape the confines of the other room.
"Where are Mr Jordan and Dr Hanna?" Dr Keogh asked pointedly, but Sam looked away from his stern gaze, unable to comprehend exactly how her ex-husband would react to hearing the news that two of their colleagues had apparently come close to blows over her, especially when she had barely gotten her head around that thought herself.
"In an emergency meeting," Tess responded as she appeared beside Sam, who saw the reassuring glance the nurse shot her as she made that comment.
"And Tom?" Lenny queried, still appearing bemused at what appeared to be going on.
"He's just finished treating a patient in paed's resus, but he's been caught up in dealing with the aftermath of an incident," Tess explained simply and Sam felt slightly amazed at how succinctly the older woman had managed to summarise the situation without either causing alarm or indicating that anything untoward had occurred, despite her obviously having heard what had happened.
"Right," Dylan responded grumpily. "I'll go to resus and you can stay here," he added dismissively and Sam shot her head up to face him, initially unhappy at his attitude towards her before she realised he was actually talking to Dr Lyons, who was shrugging in acceptance of the fact he was yet again not getting to work in the part of the E.D. everyone knew was his preferred area. She quickly came to realise that everyone had turned to look at her expectantly, as if wanting her to confirm what she was going to do at that moment, but it was Dylan's glare that felt the most uncomfortable to her.
"I, um," she started hesitantly, not really wanting to say the words aloud. "I need to find Tom," she finished quickly and rapidly left cubicles, hastily averting her gaze from Dr Keogh before she could see his reaction to those particular words.
It did not take Sam long to check around the department and establish that Dr Kent was no longer inside, so she headed out of the main doors to look outside and saw Tom sitting on one of the benches in the peace garden, her heart instantly going out to the very confused looking man as she headed over to join him.
"I heard what happened," she said as she neared his side, causing him to look up momentarily. "I'm so sorry, I never meant for any of this to happen. It's completely messed up I know it is," she added sadly. As Sam sat down beside her forlorn colleague she thought back to the events of the night before, when she had been far from innocent in what had occurred and it had only been Tom's preventative action that had stopped the situation escalating between them. The fact that he was now the one to suffer as a result really did not sit well with her, nor did the niggling feeling that it might well have been a comment she herself had made to Nick Jordan that had caused his erratic behaviour. She had realised the implication of her words almost as soon as they had left her mouth, but she had thought she had covered them well. However even despite that she still couldn't understand why just the thought of something occurring between her and her colleague had been enough to cause her confidante to react so harshly towards someone she thought they both trusted.
"Sam," Tom started, turning on the bench to face her and grabbing at her hand to bring her back to reality. "You know I really like you and we've been great mates recently, but this is insane," he continued, bewilderment still evident to her across his features. "I already told you I didn't want to get caught in the crossfire between you and your husband this morning, but I was as game for a laugh as you were in winding everyone up about us. I've already got Dylan giving me hell just for going near you," he explained, shaking his head at her before she could interrupt. "No, seriously Sam he has done nothing but either deliberately avoid me or be really bloody rude to me ever since you got attacked. I know you're going to say that he is like that with everyone, but it's different with me now and I don't know if he doesn't like you being friends with me or whatever. All I know is whenever he sees us together I end up paying for it afterwards."
"I didn't realise," Sam answered dejectedly, tears prickling the back of her eyes at the thought of the resistance her newly acquired friend appeared to be putting up with just to be around her. "I don't know why he'd be like that with you, but I'll talk to him, I promise," she added earnestly.
"I don't even mind him," Tom responded reassuringly. "If I was in his shoes I'd be jealous too, you're quite a catch you know," he clarified and whilst she knew he had been trying to raise a smile from her, she didn't think she had one left to give. "What I hadn't really taken into account was that I'd have to fight Jordan for you too," he stated, his tone thoughtful. "If a man goes to hit me about a woman in my life, it's usually a duly jealous husband not our boss. You know he warned me off you last night right?" he queried, staring her straight in the eye and causing her to shake her head in reply. "He told me that I should take care of you, but not to do anything to hurt you, almost like he was your dad or something I guess. I think the last time a girl's dad lashed out at me I was about 17 and even then I'd done something to actually deserve it."
"It's like everything's been turned on its head and I don't know what way is up anymore," Sam contributed to the conversation. "I've never been that great at reading people and I don't think I really thought about the impact any of my issues might be having on others," she tried to elaborate. "You, Nick, Dylan, Zoe. God even Scarlett got caught up in everything that's been going on," she added, hearing the distress in her own tone. "I never meant for it to go this far, you have to believe me on that one."
"Sam, listen to be," Tom determinedly responded. "You didn't cause this craziness, you really didn't."
"No?" she retorted, suddenly finding anger at herself flooding back through her body. "You try telling me that if I wasn't here that any of this would still have happened," she stated, before pausing. "Because I know you can't do that."
"That doesn't make it your fault though, you can't control what other people do," her male companion countered, but Sam shrugged off his words dismissively in a manner she knew was akin to how Dylan usually dealt with people.
"Are you going to report Nick for what he did to you?" she heard herself asking and felt a wave of relief course across her on seeing Tom shake his head.
"I don't see how that would help sort out this mess do you?" he queried. "But if I was you, I'd think about getting away from here for a few days," he continued, bringing his hand up under her chin to force her to look at him. "Seriously Sam, you need a break. You were already physically exhausted, never mind still recovering from the attack. Don't think for a second I didn't see how badly some of those bruises were healing last night and those stitches on your arm aren't going to stand a chance if you keep doing that to them," he added, before releasing her face from his grasp and using his hand to remove her own from where she had instinctively, yet unconsciously, started pulling at the already re-done sutures.
"I'm getting a break," Sam snapped back at him, embarrassed to have been caught out trying to remove the stitches for the second time. "I'm going back to the army aren't I?" she elaborated on seeing his confusion. "I'm getting away from the whole lot of you," she added cruelly, determined not to break in front of him and feeling that the only method to stop him from being pulled deeper into the situation would be to push him further away from her side.
"That isn't quite what I meant," Tom said in reply, his voice coming across as uncertain in response to her harsh tone. "But I know you want to get back out there and how much you've always said you love the army, so if that's what you want then maybe it is for the best," he added, still looking at her strangely and she found herself averting her gaze from him, not wanting to give him the option of recognising quite how badly she was hurting. "I'm going to get back inside, can't possibly imagine how they're coping without us in there," he stated simply and stood up to walk back towards the department. "I'll see you in there alright?"
"Tom," Sam said softly, causing him to stop and look back in her direction. "I am sorry you know for getting you involved in all this." He nodded in her direction in response before heading back into the E.D. running his hands through his messy hair as he travelled, obviously trying to bring himself back the reality of the situation before returning into their workplace.
Sam brought her knees up to her chest on the bench, feeling as if she was trying to physically hold herself together and stop the distressing ache that was cursing through her at the events of the past hour or so. Her circumstances just felt like they kept spiralling further beyond her control with each step she took, as if her life were a delicate web of tightropes and she couldn't help but think that she would soon make one false step too many. She felt overwhelmingly sad at the thought of how she had managed to gain two new friends in the previous week in Nick and Tom, but now her own presence had pushed them so close to the brink that she knew she could not ask them to catch her if she fell once again. Sam recalled how earlier that day she had been feeling so positive about her future and how sad she had been at the very thought of leaving the people of Holby far behind her, but now she knew she wanted nothing more than to leave. One unexpected development had been all it had taken to seal the deal and convince her once and for all that her imminent departure would be for good and there would be no turning back.
A small movement from the entrance to the E.D. caught her attention and she looked up to see Dr Hanna emerge from the department and light a cigarette, Sam able to see the stress that filled her features even from so far away. Zoe turned slightly, catching sight of her as she did so, and as the woman made her way over towards her, Sam couldn't help but realise quite how badly her head hurt and this time she was certain it wasn't the result of any hangover.
Thank you for reading and sorry once again for the delay. I'll try and update much sooner this time, I promise.
Reviews will be very welcome indeed. Callie x