As the group drove on, the hot desert sands eventually turned to grass. And eventually they approached a rundown facility of some kind to which they parked in front of.
"How are you?" Kaede asks to Tucker.
"For being the first man to just float behind a car, I think I'm doing pretty well." Tucker replies.
"Hey, Shamrock and Magic hands, enough of the jibber jabber. Lets go see where your friends went off to." Sarge prompts. The group of five then stealthily (as they could) make their way through the front yard until they stop to hide behind a tree facing a blank wall.
"Simmons, whats the status report?" Sarge asks.
"Gumball McJones and Caboose just went into that door." Simmons reports.
"What door? All I see is a wall." Grif questions.
"Its a secret door." Simmons explains.
"That would make sense. But how to open it?" Kaede asks. "There's gotta be a secret lever or something around, right?"
"They talked to that computer. They got it to open the door by posing as members of Project Freelancer. If we pose as agents, it'll probably let us in too." Simmons explains.
"Okay, I get that we can pose as agents, but what about Kaede?" Tucker questions. "Not only does she not have armour, but she's 18 and probably wouldn't look anything like one of their agents out of armour. Plus she's pretty short."
"Gee, thanks for reminding me." Kaede sarcastically replies.
"We can just say she's on of our relatives just visiting or taking a tour or something." Simmons suggests.
"Please. Nobodies gonna fall for that." Tucker says.
"I say we try it." Sarge declares. "If it doesn't work, we have the good old contingency plan to fall back on." Grif sighs at the mention of the 'Contingency plan'.
"Anyway, we'll all just pick a state name and call ourselves that." Simmons says.
"Uh, I don't know anything about US states." Kaede brings up. "I grew up in Japan."
"You don't need a state name, remember?" Simmons says.
"Sorry, just got excited." Kaede offers.
"We do gotta get you to know all 49 states though, Grif name a state." Simmons says.
"What is this, a pop quiz?" Grif questions. "Uuh, lets see, uh the Manhatten. No? Uuh, Europe."
"Your kidding right?" Kaede asks. Even she knew those answers were wrong.
"Pacific Ocean?" Grif suggests.
"Yup, Grif really is that retarded." Sarge confirms.
"Stop guessing. Just be agent Alaska. What about you Sarge?" Simmons asks.
"I'll be Secret Agent Double Ohio. License to be tall in the middle, and round on both ends." Sarge says.
"And I'll be agent De Nile. Yegethit's, because a state of denial, like the saying?" Simmons laughs. No one joins him. "You know, it's like a, I was, you know, the whole State/state thing? You know it's a, joke."
"No dude, jokes are funny." Grif says.
"I guess I'll just be agent California then." Tucker Shrugs.
"Lets go then." Simmons says.
"Wait, which one of you is my relative for this thing?" Kaede asks.
"I am." All but Grif says.
"Yeah, I had a feeling that something like that would happen." Kaede says to herself.
"I'm more of Kaede's relative than anyone. I took care of her for a year." Tucker argues.
"I gave her driving lessons and schooled her. If anything, I'm the better family figure here." Simmons argues.
"You idiots. I'm the one who taught her to defend herself. Thats better than anything you half wits have done." Sarge argues. "Now my little girl can go out into the world and do as she please with knowledge that her good old uncle Sarge taught her how to keep herself safe."
"If we're gonna sit here and argue all day, I'm all for it." Grif voices.
"I knew you would say something like that." Kaede sighs.
"You know me too well." Grif says. "Or rather everyone knows. Fuck it."
"As the ranking officer on site, I say I am Kaede's relative." Sarge says.
"Yes sir." Simmons sighs.
"Hey, you aren't in charge of me! Different team, remember?" Tucker brings up.
"The sucky team, yes. By that logic, I win by being both the ranking officer of a non-shitty team." Sarge declares.
"The fucks that kind of logic!" Tucker exclaims. With that, Sarge walks up to the computer integrated into the tree they were hiding behind.
"Hello, computer lady. I'm agent Ohio, here with my niece and my other agents." Sarge greets.
"Greetings agent Ohio." The computer greets in voice that sounded exactly like Sheila's. "Who are these other agents you are referring to?"
"Uh, hello. I'm agent De-nile." Simmons greets.
"Like the state of Denial?" The computer asks.
"Yeah! Its good to see someone finds that funny!" Simmons exclaims.
"Yeah, a computer." Grif brings up.
"And you?" The computer asks to Grif.
"Hello. I'm agent Pluto." Grif greets with full confidence.
"Sorry, the fuck?" Kaede questions.
"What?" Grif obliviously asks.
"I'm sorry, but I do not recognize this agent name." The computer starts. Before she can continue any further, Sarge lifts his shotgun and pumps the screen full of lead, leaving gaping holes. The walls opens up to provide entrance for the five.
"That shouldn't have worked." Tucker says.
"Coarse it did! Shows what you know. Now lets move inside." Sarge orders. With that, the group enters.
"How do you put up with this asshole?" Tucker asks, referring to Sarge.
"He does seem to give every one a hard time except for Simmons, Lopez, and myself..." Kaede hesitantly agrees. The two hear a shotgun cocking and glace over to see Sarge pointing it at Grif.
"Yeah... thats putting it mildly." Tucker says.
"The thing with Sarge is he just-" Before Kaede can finish, a crashing sound is heard followed by an 'Oh no' from a familiar blue soldier.
"What was that?" Simmons asks.
"It came from down here. Come on." Sarge says before leading the group through the facility, towards the noise. Eventually, the group find themselves in a relatively dark hallway with Caboose just standing, back to the door, at the end.
"Caboose, is that you?" Grif asks. Another crash coming from the room behind Caboose.
"Oh! Hello everyone!" Caboose greets. "Yes. Everyone who wasn't here before is now here now. Hello."
"What're you up to, blue?" Sarge asks.
"And whats with that noise?" Kaede asks. "And where's Church?"
"Uh, its nothing. Nothing is happening behind this door." Caboose weakly explains. Another crash.
"Euh, I think he's lying." Simmons suggests.
"What was your first clue?" Grif remarks.
"Caboose, just tell us what the fucks going on behind that door." Tucker demands.
"In here? Oh. Nothing is in here. Um, well this probably isn't even a door, either. It's, probably-" The door shakes with a bang before Caboose can finish.
"What the heck was that?" Sarge asks.
"Oh that was me. Uh, I said this isn't a door, I said its a gong." Caboose offers.
"A gong? What the hell is a-" Another bang cuts off Grif and the door behind Caboose is dented outwards.
"A gong." Caboose replies. A part of the door is pushed out. "I'm just going to walk over this way, now, excuse me. Yes, thank you. Pardon me, coming through." Caboose walks right past the Reds, Tucker, and Kaede and continues walking through the base as the door continues to thump "Yes excuse me, yes pardon me. Excuse me, yes thank you. Pardon me, coming through. Yes excuse me, yes pardon me." The door begins to bend as it is beaten upon.
"Um, Sarge, whats the plan here?" Grif asks.
"Men, we have a perfect ambush scenario." Sarge brings up.
"I agree. Unless wait, are we the ambushers or, the ambushees. Hey, can you ambush something that's trying to beat its way through metal plating to get to you?" Simmons asks.
"I'd think fucking not." Tucker says.
"Don't worry. It shouldn't be able to hurt us if we back up enough." Kaede offers as she readies her pistol.
"Bunch of soldiers in a dark hallway like this typically isn't a good sign in a situation like this!" Tucker exclaims.
"Quit whining. First, we'll just wait for the door to open." Sarge says. The door is continues beaten on, slowly breaking away as a nearby light swings and shuts off as the door is being broken off. Eventually, the door shoots of the hinges and flys over top of them.
"Doors open." Grif states. The five are then treated to the sight of Tex a she puts a fist in her other hand and cracks her neck.
"Okay. So who's first?"
Deleted scene
As Caboose slowly walks away from the group, spouting a bunch of pardon me's, he abruptly stops just behind the group.
"Stay calm. The manual says she can't hurt us from more than two metres away." He says to the group.
"Huh?" Kaede exclaims.
"But it also says to keep objects away from her too." Caboose adds before continuing to walk away.
"What the fuck is he talking about?" Tucker wonders aloud.
"The fuck should I know?" Grif responds.
This chapter is dedicated to my Bicycle. Which so tragically managed to snap itself in half during an afternoon ride. May it rest in pieces. (I'm not kidding.)