(Jordan)
I know there is something going on, with Woody and Garrett, and I think Lily, but my subtle interrogation of the rest of the staff has yielded nothing, either I'm slipping or they don't know anything. I'm more inclined to believe the latter over the former. But that still does not answer the question what's going on. I have not been sent on Woody's calls, he has not requested anyone but Garrett sends someone else, and he and Lily have gone out of their way to spend time with Woody. I noticed that he's been invited to the 'family' outings again, which is good, I did some long and hard thinking and realized that I'm not jealous of what Woody and Devan may or may not have had. I may need him, but he needs to grieve more, so I gave him space, but I'm afraid I gave him too much space and he's gone. He knows I don't handle grieve and guilt well, I tend to run, but I can't do that anymore, I have to much invested in my 'family' here.
When I was sent on his call at the college, it was good to see him, and I felt a flutter in my stomach when he broke off what he was saying to the uniformed officer to talk to me and it only got worse when he put his hand on my back to walk me down the hall. It is too easy to get back in to the same flirty banter that we have had for years. I watched his eyes when he realized what he was doing, and pulled back, but I could see the longing in them, it's a heady feeling to know that this man still wants me, even if he's fighting it.
I also remember the blush I had to fight when Lily came in to trace, I thought she was going to ask about Spork, I glanced at Woody after vowing to kill Lily, I think she did that on purpose, I couldn't read his eyes, but I think there was a brief flare of jealousy.
I also saw fear, even rage in his eyes when the killer drew his sword; I knew beyond a doubt that he would have shot that kid if he had made any sudden moves, maybe not killed him, and while that's kind of scary, because James was the same way, it's more of a comfort, because I know that he will always be there for me. That's my farm boy always at my side, to protect me, even when I don't think I need it.
I know that Nigel and Bug have still be trying to punish Woody on my behalf so I have been dropping hints about Woody spending time with us again, like before Devan… Its still hurts, we parted on such bad terms I know I said some things that I shouldn't have. I have been talking to Lily, I think it helps us both; we girls need to stick together sometimes. It's funny ever since that night she came over and we spent all night talking about everything it opened a floodgate of stuff. We meet every so often, to talk, or she listens as I talk about my past, I think it helps, I fell more in control. Once after I got her totally drunk I brought up the subject of her and Garrett with Woody, subtlety… I can do subtle I just don't use it very often, that makes it more effective, she told me about how Woody and Devan never dated because he still has strong feeling for me. I must have been more drunk then I thought, I let slip that I have strong feelings for him to.