I picked up the phone, hoping the dial tone would comfort me, hoping that I wouldn't actually have to make the call. The rhythmic beep did not soothe me, in fact, it did the exact opposite; I began to rapidly push numbers. Everything was moving too fast, I had to dial the number hundreds of times, or what seemed like hundreds of times I guess.
Finally a long, smooth ring hit my ears. I relaxed.
"..He-hello?" She answered. She sounded groggy, I guess she was asleep. What time was it? God, 3:30 in the morning. I immediately felt regret.
"Um, hey, Hikari, it's me, Sora, sorry to b-"I stopped. I really wasn't sorry. I wanted to talk to her; I wanted to talk to anyone really. I needed help; not the kind of help like when you ask a friend to help you move, or when you need to pay rent on time and you don't have money kind of help.
"Hello?"
Apparently I had stopped talking mid-sentence.
"Hi. Sorry."
My mind was racing. Why did I call her again?
"Are you okay, Sora? What's going on?" She sounded fully awake now, but very worried. Could she tell from the tone of my voice that something was wrong?
"Uh, nothing, really, I just was calling and uhh…"
"Why are you up this early? Have you slept?" Too many questions in one sentence for my brain to handle, especially in this state.
"I…uhh, well, no I haven't really slept, I guess," I rambled on about not being able to sleep, none of it making sense at all. That's what stuff like this does to a person, I guess.
"I'm coming over." Mimi stated, firmly. I didn't say no, although I should have. I didn't say much at all actually, and then she hung up. I dropped the phone onto its cradle and looked around at my apartment. It was a mess, although mostly just clothes everywhere. I didn't mind Mimi seeing the dirty clothes, it was no big deal. What I did mind her seeing was my problem; my problem was sitting in a fairly large lump on the living room table.
"We won't go into the living room," I said to myself. Where would we go though? We could leave my apartment; I guess, maybe go and get some coffee. No. I had no money, I just remembered, I spent it all, and I couldn't ask Mimi to pay. We could sit in the dining room and drink coffee? I guess. But you could see the living room from the dining room.
I sighed, and went to turn of the TV. It was only playing static anyways; and then I chuckled to myself. A TV just tuned into static? How ironic. I guess that's how it's always is in the movies, or TV shows or whatever, at the addicts house; Messy, with the TV on a nonexistent channel. I sat on the couch, right in front of it. My problem, hang up, vice, sweet tooth, shot, hook. Addiction. I eyed it carefully, keeping my distance.
"You don't want any," I lied to myself. I regretted sitting in the living room now, sitting so close to it. I shouldn't really be calling it it, it has a name; In fact, it has many. Dust, Toot, White Pony, Snow, Blow, Sneeze, Bazooka, Caine, Candy, Florida Snow, Stardust, Yayo, White Devil or The Sweet Stuff. Cocaine.
Cocaine is a crafty, sly and misleading. She's not physically addicting, which I guess what messed me up. I had always been taught that you do it once and you're hooked; which was a falsity. A fib. Fiction. An inaccuracy. A myth.
An abrupt knock at the door shook me out of my transfixion on the powder. I sighed as I stood up, and walked towards the door. I was beginning to come down, the initial high only lasts for an hour. I opened the door slowly, looking at Hikari. She looked very concerned, but still flawless, even for just getting up. I couldn't look her in the eyes, I felt awful for waking her, I was pretty sure she had school tomorrow. What day was it anyways? I realized I hadn't left my apartment in days. Let alone showered, or changed.
Mimi pushed the door open and stepped in. I guess I had spaced out. She shut the door behind her as she took off her coat, revealing her pajamas.
"Look, I'm really sorry about calling…" I started. I glanced up into her large brown eyes for only a moment. "I just needed someone, I guess. I don't know what I'm doing anymore really." I sighed. I felt repulsive standing in front of her.
"I'm glad you called. Are you alright?" Her smile was warm; she reached out and touched my shoulder. My eyes darted to hers again, and I felt the tears brimming my eyelids. I couldn't talk, I didn't want to break down, and so I just shook my head. "What's going on with you, Sora? I'm really worried."
I shrugged. I couldn't say anything. I felt like a failure, I felt dishonorable, low, miserable, and pitiful. I felt like another line.
"Mimi, I… Well," I stumbled over my words. I felt dizzy, and cold. My eyes darted from the floor, to Mimi, to the living room table, and back again. "Would…you like to sit, or, something? We've been standing for awhile. Oops, sorry…" I babbled on; I led her to my room. I lay on my bed, hands supporting my head, looking at my ceiling. Mimi lay beside me, facing me, wide eyed and perceptive. "Don't you have school tomorrow, well, today, I guess?" I asked.
Through my peripheral vision I saw her raise her eyebrow at me, she looked stunning, and I looked like an idiot. I closed my eyes, and scratched my head. I could feel my brain sending me subliminal messages, they weren't loud or demanding. Just little whispered suggestions and hints, nothing more than a murmur, or a mutter or a hiss. I tried to drown it out with conversation. "So, I guess…well, uhh," again I fumbled with words. "Well, what day is it?"
"Well, its Saturday," Mimi replied. She was looking at me, scrutinizing my face. I turned my head, and looked at her for a moment. Our eyes met and locked, only for a moment, but it seemed like forever. I looked away, awkwardly. "Uh," Mimi started, "What's with your eyes?" she asked. She propped herself up onto her elbow so she could look down at my face.
"What?" Shit. I forgot. My pupils were probably dilated; I hope she didn't notice. Hopefully she just saw the bags under my eyes, or something similar to that. I hadn't really slept in days, so my eyes must look bad. Yeah. Just incase that wasn't it though, I shut my eyes, pretending to be tired. Mimi let out something that sounded like a chuckle.
"Well, I don't know really, your eyes…your eyes looked different." I squinted and looked up at her, and smiled a bit.
"How so?"
"I don't know," she smiled back, "well, your pupils just looked like, well, like how they'd look if it was dark in here, you know? They looked, well, large, I guess."
Shit.
I was about to blurt out some lame excuse for my eyes, when she started to giggle. I opened my eyes a little more.
"Like, really, how silly is that?" She said with a giggle as she laid herself back down beside me. She was very naïve, when it came to drugs anyways, and I thanked God for that. I was going to tell her tonight. Well, correction. Am. I am going to tell her tonight, but I need to wait for the right moment. The conversation lulled for a moment, so I scoured my brain for a topic of any sort, but my brain could only think of one thing, and that was railing another line.
"I'll be right back," I said, darting up quite quickly. I needed to get out of that room for a moment.
"Alright," Mimi yawned. She looked like she was about to fall asleep. I stepped outside of my bedroom and shut the door. Now, I had two options. My first option was to do something, get a glass of water, or something that would clear my mind, that could help get rid of the dull roar in the back of my mind for more. My second option would to be, well, to get rid of the dull roar in the back of my mind by letting myself have a little bit more. I let my brain hold a tug-of-war with the two ideas while I sat on the couch with my eyes closed, not realizing I gave one side an unfair advantage. I raised my head and opened my eyes, only to face the white devil itself.
"Well, only a little, just so I can have a clear head, so I can tell Mimi, right?" I whispered to myself, and to the pile on the table. I grabbed the razor from beside the pile, and with a skilled hand I made a couple small lines across the glass. I snatched a semi-rolled up bill from of the table and tightened it, and bent over the table and plugged one nostril.
The fine powder flew up my nostril smoothly, and I instantly felt relief. The roar was gone, and I was left feeling euphoric, clear headed and awake. I got up and walked back into my room, where I resumed my place next to Mimi.
"Where'd you go?" Mimi asked her eyes only half open, she looked exhausted.
"Uh," I paused. I hadn't thought of an excuse. "Well, I went to the bathroom." I crossed my fingers, hoping that the lie would work.
"It took you twenty minutes to go to the bathroom?" Mimi laughed.
I was gone for twenty minutes? That's not possible. I glanced over at my alarm clock; it was 6:40 am. I began to feel a wave of paranoia slip over me, thanks to Lady Caine. It felt like it was only seconds ago that Mimi arrived, and that was at four o'clock in the morning. Where did time go? What did we do? I could feel myself starting to panic, I could hear myself breathing oddly, and I could feel my heart pounding inside my chest.
"Hey, are you okay?" Mimi sat up, startled. Apparently she could hear me breathing? Or maybe she could feel my heart too? Or am I just being paranoid.
"What? Uh…yeah. Yeah, I'm good. I'm good." I said. I felt myself starting to relax. Everything was okay. Good. I smiled a bit to show her I was fine. "Everything is great, grand, good," I rambled.
Hesitantly, Mimi lay back down, but she kept her head propped up, watching over me. I didn't mind.
"So, Sara, what's going on with you?" she questioned me. I wasn't too sure what she meant by the question.
"Well, what do you mean?"
"Well, we haven't had a chance to really talk in a while, well, since…since you graduated I guess."
Oh. So I told her my story from the summer, well, about some of the parts she didn't know about. I told her some stories from my trip to Europe; I told her about seeing Big Ben, The Eiffel Tower, and the Arc Du Triumph. I told her about the time I spent in Italy, Greece, and Germany, and all the wonderful food, and the amazing people. Then I told her about coming home at the beginning of August, how I moved out and how hard it was to be away from home. I told her about school, how college was really boring, and how I realized I didn't want to be a lawyer anymore, and that I wanted to drop out of school.
"Don't do that, Sora," Mimi rolled her eyes at me, "You're smarter than that. Just change your major." I smiled at her, but felt guilty. Not my entire story was true. Well, most of it was, although some parts were left out. I really didn't want to be a lawyer anymore, and I would have just changed my major, but I was kicked out. My smile quickly faded. I hated lying to Mimi.
Mimi and I had an odd relationship, and it never made sense to me until this summer. I found out a lot of things about myself over the break, one of the things was that I was in love with her; and I wanted to tell her. I also wanted to tell her about the cocaine, but that wasn't working out too well, and I figured that when I did tell her about one, the other would have to be told too, and one of the secrets was bound to make her hate me, and I don't think I could handle that.
I stared at Mimi from my spot on the bed. Her head was held up by her hand, and her eyes were closed. Her long brown hair was disheveled; it was chaotic but perfect at the same time. She breathed easily through her lips, which were parted and wet. She looked ravishing, remarkable, dazzling, devastating, gorgeous, lovely, marvelous, and every other word there is for incredible. I felt my body lean in closer, as if to kiss her.
What was I doing?
I jerked back, and blushed, and Mimi opened her eyes.
"What were you doing?" She smiled, biting her lower lip. My face flushed, and I laughed nervously. What had I been doing?
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Chapter two coming soon.