Disclaimer: I don't own any of HxH; I just enjoy putting the characters in bizarre situations like this one.

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HUNTER HOUSE HELPS

Chapter 2: No Money

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Exactly one week ago…

"Any luck?" Nobunaga asked Shalnark who had just entered the gang's hideout. The others looked expectantly at him.

Shalnark sadly shook his head. "I couldn't hack the bank's mainframe," he held up a card, "My Hunter Card is also officially worthless."

"So we don't have money?" Phinx demanded incredulously, veins visibly throbbing at his temples.

Shalnark just nodded. The Mafia finally had their revenge. They had called off their search for the Genei Ryodan before when they stole the black market auction pieces because the Mafia found out that the Spiders came from Ryusegai City.

But they didn't forgive the group for the bloody massacre right after that. It seemed they had just bided their time to get more than even and now that time has come. It was the virus which proved to be instrumental for them.

"They have frozen all our bank accounts because they know we're now powerless to do anything about it," Shalnark said not for the first time since the Chimera Syndrome appeared. His chin was cupped in one hand as he thought things through aloud, "We don't have access to our money, we can't pawn what we have, and we can't apply for a regular day job in the city."

"What now? We go back to the streets?" Nobunaga asked, getting angry, "We're not petty thieves!"

"Of course not," Machi said calmly, dampening Nobunaga's starting hysterics. It would simply not do considering that they had been all on tenterhooks since the virus appeared. She crossed her arms and now faced the group, "We obviously need to find a way to get money by not our usual way."

"I won't be working at Midnight Express!" Phinx suddenly announced.

They all turned to look at him. Machi asked the obvious, "What's Midnight Express?"

Phinx felt himself going red as he stammered out, "It's, er, this night club where, umm, there's this, erm, male dancers…"

"…." from Feitan while Nobunaga guffawed, "And you think they'll hire you?"

"And why not?" Phinx hotly demanded then puffed out his chest, "I'm a shoo-in physically but I can't, erm, that is, I don't want to dance!" He then pointed at Machi, "You know you could work at their sister club, the Honky Pot."

"Thank you for your useful suggestion," Machi said coldly, with a hint of irony in her voice, "But I'm not sure being a…..dancer will solve our problems."

"How about being a maid?"

They all turned to look at the owner of the voice, some of them already recognizing whose it was but couldn't quite believe it. "Dancho!"

The Spiders weren't generally demonstrative people but they had all quickly gathered around Kuroro. Franklin had one hand on his shoulder, Nobunaga was clasping one of his hands while Machi even smiled.

"You−… You're here!" Nobunaga couldn't believe it, echoing the sentiments of the others.

"Dancho, the chain…?" Machi asked hesitantly, referring to the judgment sword Kurapika had placed upon Kuroro's heart and the conditions he must follow.

"It's the virus," Kuroro explained to them and he was smiling, a very satisfied smile upon his lips. "It would seem that all objects created by the materialization ability have ceased to exist."

"But the nen objects we have," Shalnark said, "They're still here in the safe."

Kuroro shook his head, "They were imbued with nen but not created by it." He walked further into the room and sat once again at his usual stone seat. The others stood at their usual places; it was like old times again except that they weren't complete anymore. "I had been wondering whether the chain guy's sword of judgment would still be in me ever since the Chimera Syndrome was discovered. And yesterday, I had confirmed it."

"How?" Phinx asked.

"The Greed Island game console I have in my possession was still working but the cloth I materialized from my book before I was prohibited to use nen had vanished. Ergo, I had concluded that all materialized nen objects would also disappear," Kuroro laid a hand on his chest obviously referring to the nen chain Kurapika placed on him. "It seems I was right."

"But still, you coming here to us to confirm your theory was still a big risk, Dancho," Shalnark said.

"The risk was worth it especially since I've also concocted a plan that will solve our money and nen problems," he smiled enigmatically, "Listen, this is what we will do."

XXXXXXXXX

"Well that went according to plan!," Phinx thought a little sarcastically. Dancho had him and Nobunaga apply with him as bodyguards to the Nostrad family a week ago. Their part of the plan was simple, that is, to steal the auction pieces the Nostrads had in their possession…..and to be near the chain guy while he was powerless. A little accident here and there wouldn't go amiss, Dancho had told them.

It was quite a fun plan until things started to go wrong. First, Nobunaga had been rejected in favor of the muscular female in the pink dress. "Well, physically, Nobunaga didn't stand a chance," Phinx thought smugly. Then he looked at the "female" beside him. She, he found out, was going to be partnered with him! Phinx couldn't believe it, he couldn't believe either that she was named Biscuit!

Then he looked at Kuroro who was preparing to leave with Kurapika and Nostrad's daughter, Neon. "At least I wouldn't be stuck shopping with that brat!" he thought, pitying Kuroro a little.

They found out that Kurapika was the head bodyguard and therefore, the one who handed out orders and the assignments. Phinx and Biscuit were to be partners and be house guards while Kurapika took Kuroro as his partner and would be guarding Neon, or for that matter, be Neon's shopping buddies. The other two, Senritsu and Basho would be Right Nostrad's bodyguards.

If anyone was happy at all with the arrangements, it was Neon. They had boarded the car to go to the mall and she tried hard not to look at either of the two men sitting beside her in the backseat.

She was so lucky! Two cute guys as her bodyguards? She had been surprised to recognize Kuroro as the charming, handsome, young man she met at the York Shin auctions. She had been thinking a little of him after that, but then…

Neon stole a peek at Kurapika then immediately lowered her head to hide her blush. Kurapika had been always around her. Well, he is their head bodyguard after all, he was paid to do it! "But he's always patient with me, asking me how I'm feeling and putting up with my tantrums," Neon twiddled her thumbs, thinking, "He's always there, not like father and he's…" she blushed a bit more, "…quite good-looking too."

Kurapika had keen eyesight and he could see Neon blushing. He sighed. He knew about her "crush," actually how could he not especially when Basho and Neon's two maids were always teasing him or dropping hints about it. "This would be quite bothersome," he mused as he looked sideways at the other bodyguard, "Especially when I have a bigger problem on my hands."

Kuroro felt Kurapika's gaze and smiled wryly to himself. He was not wholly pleased with the way his plan went. He hadn't counted on Nobunaga being bested by Biscuit, on Kurapika being head bodyguard, and on shopping everyday with Neon! Like Kurapika, he also had keen eyes and was able to deduce at once that the pretty airhead had a major thing for Kurapika.

He was a little miffed about that. He had been expecting Neon to recognize him. Well, she did but that was all. It seemed that their time in York Shin hadn't affected her that much while Kuroro had believed that he had been successful in attracting her, after all, he charmed her and managed to steal her powers. But now it seemed Neon actually preferred Kurapika over him. Not that he was jealous, of course not!

Kuroro put two fingers to his temple to think. He surreptitiously glanced from Neon to Kurapika then back again. "A sword of judgment upon my heart," Kuroro mused thinking about how to pay back Kurapika that equaled what he did to him.

"Are you alright, boss?" Kurapika asked Neon who was clenching her hands, hard. Neon looked up at Kurapika and shook her head.

Kuroro hadn't seen the expression on Neon's face but he could see Kurapika slowly reddening…..and that probably made him jump to an erroneous conclusion. "Of course, what better way than to steal his heart? And I…," Kuroro thought as he glanced at Neon, "… am a thief."

He had no idea that he had made a mistake in more ways than one.

XXXXXXXXX

"Is this the way to treat your guests?" Hisoka asked mockingly as Illumi curtly told him to go quickly upstairs before his father saw him.

"You're not a guest, a pest maybe," Illumi said coldly. "I know why you're here and it's not because of your lame excuse of collecting your payment personally." They were now mounting the grand staircase of the Zoldyeck mansion.

"It's true! With that virus spreading around, they had closed the Celestial Tower. It seems no one was going to pay to watch normal fighters fighting with normal skills. I know I wouldn't," Hisoka grinned. They were now walking the corridors that would lead them to Illumi's room.

"So you see, I don't have my room there anymore so I need the money," Hisoka halted and put out a hand, palm upwards. "Pay up."

Illumi looked at that hand with an unreadable expression on his face. It was embarrassing to have to call on Hisoka to take care of some of his jobs but ever since the virus, it seemed that more people wanted to have someone killed or something stolen. The Zoldyecks now had a lot of work before them than ever before. It didn't help matters that Killua wasn't willing to join them, a decision supported by his father which greatly irritated Illumi.

The assassination jobs he took but the theft jobs were too beneath him and he had no time for it so he gave them to Hisoka instead. He was careful though of not letting his father know lest he be called "unprofessional." So here they were, sneaking to his room where he would give Hisoka his pay share, but then he remembered something.

"You have a large bank account," Illumi pointed out to Hisoka.

Hisoka shrugged, "Most of it was frozen by the Mafia. They still think I'm part of the Spider group."

Illumi looked at him with narrowed eyes, "So you traveled all the way here to Kukuru Mt., when I expressly told you not to because of my father, just so you could collect your money?" Hisoka nodded. "And not because you heard that Killua has a certain little guest staying with us?"

"Oh, is Gon staying here?" Hisoka feigned innocence.

"Nice try, Hisoka," Illumi shook his head at his friend's transparency. "Yes, that brat's still here."

Hisoka's eyes glinted a little dangerously, "He's quite alright, isn't he?"

Illumi looked squarely at him, "I didn't try any tricks on him, you've already warned me off him once."

Hisoka smiled as they walked on.

"But stay away from Killua," Illumi warned as they arrived at his door. He opened his bedroom door soundlessly and gave Hisoka a mocking bow, "After you."

Hisoka walked in……and ran smack right into Machi.

Machi didn't spare him a glance but instead addressed Illumi, "I've finished changing the bed sheets." Illumi nodded and Machi walked away.

After a minute of stunned silence.

"That was Machi….in your room," Hisoka told Illumi.

"My, what clear eyesight you have," Illumi said dryly. If he didn't know his friend better, he could swear that Hisoka's tone was slightly accusing.

Hisoka now patted his hair, "What's she doing here?" he asked casually.

"Didn't you see her uniform? She's now the upstairs maid." For once, Illumi saw Hisoka look incredulous. "It's true. It seems the Genei Ryodan have taken to domestic life to earn money because of the virus whereas you still haven't changed from your thieving ways."

Illumi really had suspicions about the group's ulterior motives about seeking employment in their home but kept it to himself in the meantime. He wanted to tease Hisoka a little for now, "Jealous, Hisoka?"

"Of you or of her?" Hisoka returned easily with a smile. They walked into the room and Hisoka took a seat at one of Illumi's elegant chairs. "So how long has she… and I suppose there are others?"

Illumi nodded as he went to his safe, "Shizuku and Feitan."

"So how long have they already been working here?"

"Just started four days ago," Illumi replied conversationally as he counted out the money he was going to pay Hisoka.

"And your father hired them?" Hisoka asked as he took the money that Illumi handed him.

Illumi shrugged, he also had some suspicions about that, but he just said, "Yes, he made a big deal of them writing Killua and I as their references."

If Hisoka saw through this flimsy reason, he didn't say anything, he merely stood up and said again casually, "I might not be available for your other jobs as I'm going to make….. some other arrangements. But don't worry you'll see me again….soon."

Illumi didn't like the sound of that. Hisoka was definitely up to something.

"In the meantime," Hisoka continued as he made his way to the door, "Stay away from−…Gon." With that, he closed the door behind him.

Illumi wasn't sure but he thought that Hisoka had planned to say another name.

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A/N: Next chapter: Machi has absolutely no idea how to work household appliances but surprise, surprise, Illumi helps her out. Shizuku and Feitan, on the other hand, have no idea what I plan to do with them har, har!

So, four pairings have now been revealed with two of them, major love triangles no less. Erm, any objections about the pairings? I hope not. +wink+