Disclaimer: I don't own any of HxH; I just enjoy putting the characters in bizarre situations like this one.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HUNTER HOUSE HELPS

Chapter 3: No Idea

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"This wasn't part of the plan!" Machi thought ferociously as she heaved a huge load of dirty clothes down the backstairs. "If it wasn't for you and the good of the group, I wouldn't be doing this Dancho!" she said silently to herself as she made her way to the laundry room.

It had been three days now since Kuroro divided them into teams for his plan. She, along with Shizuku and Feitan, were told by Kuroro to enter the Zoldyeck family as household staff. Machi had never done household work and would have gladly applied as a seamstress but Kuroro advised otherwise.

They needed to be close to the family and their sources, he said. The Zoldyecks had access to information about the virus and its cure. Milluki, the most tech-savvy and who had access to information around the world, was their target.

"Dancho had made a mistake about that," Machi thought bitterly as she now faced the jumbo washing machine. "Milluki almost never goes out of his room and he doesn't want anybody in it too."

MODE? The little black screen of the machine lit up this word when she pressed it on. Machi frowned, she didn't know what to do. She had planned to just stuff all the clothes inside and let the machine do what it was supposed to do. She pressed another button with a sort of water icon on it.

WASH? Machi smiled as she gingerly picked the dark-colored clothes from the pile she had dumped on the floor. There was a lot of it, it seemed the Zoldyecks were fond of dark clothes. They were assassins after all, Machi reasoned, and thank god she wasn't expected to wash their underwear. Knowing what the Zoldyeck brothers had under their day clothes was way……

She hastily stuffed all the clothes in and closed the machine door. The bin was almost full to the brim. Then she pressed the same icon again.

Nothing happened. Machi pressed it again. WASH PROGRAM? it said. "Huh? There's a program?" Machi looked at the other icons and saw something like a swirl shape. She pressed it. SET CODE.

"What is this thing?" Machi knew she won't get anywhere so she went in the hall to search for Shizuku. She found her in the library doing…..what else but vacuuming.

Machi watched with just a little envy the way Shizuku expertly wielded the vacuum cleaner. It didn't matter that none of the rooms of the mansion had any carpet, just stone floors. Shizuku was a whiz at cleaning with a vacuum cleaner so who were the Zoldyecks to argue with their cleaning maid?

"Shizuku," she called out. The younger girl looked up, saw her and turned the vacuum off. "I need your help. Erm, do you know how to work the washing machine?"

Shizuku put a finger to her cheek, thinking. "It's the thing where you wash clothes, right? I've operated one of those before."

They both went out in the hall and were walking towards the laundry room when they were intercepted by Illumi.

"Where are the two of you going?" Illumi asked suspiciously. He had been on his guard in ensuring that their Spider staff weren't planning anything. He knew that Killua was also monitoring them.

"I have a….minor problem with the washing machine," Machi knew she couldn't admit that she didn't know how to operate it. "I asked Shizuku to help me."

"That won't be necessary. I'll see to it," Illumi said and told Shizuku, "You can go back to what you were doing." There was no way he was going to let the two of them plan something. "They're probably sneaking off somewhere to have a consultation with Feitan," he thought.

Illumi knew he was wrong the moment he saw the cramped clothes inside the washing bin. He was chagrined, and it was maybe because of this that he asked a little more kindly but with his usual penetrating stare, "Machi, do you know how to operate this?"

Machi let out a sigh, there was no getting out of this, "No."

Illumi thought for a moment. "And you were really asking Shizuku for help so you can wash these clothes," he said under his breath. Well, he admired perseverance and people who do their jobs so he made a decision. "Ok here, I'll tell you what to do," he said as he started to demonstrate how to operate the machine.

Machi was surprised as she watched and listened to Illumi's demonstration. She didn't know much about Illumi, only that he was an assassin hired by Dancho to kill the ten Godfathers of the Mafia. And also, that he had impersonated Hisoka once so that Hisoka could go after Dancho. She didn't like him for that but she admired him for his skills.

"And he isn't anything at all like his friend," Machi thought wonderingly.

"So you see, it isn't really that complicated," Illumi finished as the washing machine whirred softly. He had never had to do any domestic work in his life but he learned all about household appliances as they were mechanical contraptions. And using contraptions was a creative way of doing away with a target, if a client asked for it.

Machi bowed, "Arigatou, Illumi-sama," she was a killer but she had manners. Illumi had helped her and she was also playing the part of a servant.

"Call me Illumi," he answered as he surveyed the room. There were a number of clothes piles already washed by the other maids. He knew that Machi would also have to iron them. There was no help for it, he thought. He would also have to teach her that or risk getting his clothes burned. Besides that, he needed to keep a close eye on one of them. "I'll tell Killua and his friend to take care of the other two."

XXXXXXXXX

The next afternoon…

Shizuku was finished cleaning the parlor. It was the last room she had to clean so she made her way to the servants' hall. They had been briefed to do this. "Go back to the servants' hall after every duty and await further orders there," the butler had told them when they first started.

Shizuku was glad that she at least remembered this. She was actually thinking how kind Kuroro was in giving out this particular assignment to them. It was no big deal after all. All she had to do as maid was clean the downstairs rooms with a vacuum. At least, she didn't get to miss her deme-chan.

She was walking along the corridors when she met up with Feitan who just came from his shift at the front door. Feitan asked her, "Finished?"

"Uh-huh"

He fell in step beside her. She said, "Servants' hall."

"Un…"

This four-lined conversation happens between them thrice everyday for the past days. They both had the same work shift. Feitan was glad that Shizuku didn't talk much, for a girl. Shizuku was glad that Feitan didn't talk, at all, except for some things here and there.

Feitan was actually bored. He was at the beck and call of mistress of the house, Kikyo. "Fetch this, Feitan…Fetch that, Feitan," she always said. Feitan was itching to silence her but in his condition, that wasn't a wise move. Kikyo was a Zoldyeck assassin and had skills that didn't rely on nen. Actually, what really bothered him was….there were no daughters of the house. The Zoldyecks had five sons, no daughters. Where was the fun in working in a house like this with no pretty girls?

"Feitaaaaan," Feitan knew that voice. It was Kikyo and she was gliding towards them. "I need you to change these strawberries my stupid maid got for me." Kikyo told him as she thrust a small basket of the fruit in his hands. "They're sour!"

Feitan's expression said, huh?

"Don't just look at me like that!" Kikyo snapped her fan shut impatiently, "Go at once to the storage room and pick me another basketful. Actually, two baskets of it," she amended as she pointed to Shuzuku with her fan. "You! Go with him and make sure you get the right ones!" She stomped off with her skirts swirling around her.

Feitan counted to eight, and at nine, he had crushed the basket of strawberries with his hands. Ten! He felt better. Shizuku looked at him and said, "Storage room." They went.

The storage room actually meant the three "refrigerator rooms" in the mansion. One was the 'cool room' for keeping food fresh, one was the 'freeze room' for frozen meat and foods, and the last one was the 'chill room' where food like fruits needed to be kept at low temperatures where kept. This was where Feitan and Shizuku found themselves in.

"Strawberries," Feitan growled as they walked inside.

"Should be sweet," Shizuku murmured as she went to the shelf of fruits on the far side of the room. Feitan reluctantly followed her.

CLICK! Shizuku and Feitan looked at each other and walked swiftly to the heavy steel door of the chill room. They didn't need to fumble the lever before they knew what happened. They were locked in!

XXXXXXXXX

Machi sighed in relief. She was finished! Good thing Illumi also taught her this or she would have taken forever to finish. She surveyed the bed one more time before crossing the room. She was already near the door when it opened silently...and promptly collided with Hisoka.

She ignored him. "I've finished changing the bed sheets," she told Illumi. She was surprised that Hisoka was here and was also suspicious that the two of them were going inside Illumi's room.

Illumi nodded to her and she walked away. She would have greatly wanted to loiter around to know what they were up to so she walked ever so slowly. She kept her pace but they still weren't saying anything and she was already near the end of the corridor and the stairs! As Machi stepped down on the first step, she heard Hisoka say, "That was Machi…in your room."

She didn't hear what Illumi said. The two had already entered Illumi's bedroom. "Are they up to something?" Machi mused then shrugged, "They're friends. I shouldn't be surprised."

Wrong. She was in for a surprise because after two days…

"Just toast for me," Machi said to the cook as she stepped into the servant's kitchen for breakfast.

"Tsk! Tsk! That's not healthy. Would you like to try my eggs benedict?"

It was early morning and Machi was not a morning person. She put a hand to her throbbing temples. This can't be happening! She looked up and knew it was.

"What are you doing here?"

"Can't you see from my outfit," Hisoka replied with a grin, pointing to his hat and his apron, "I'm the new pastry chef."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: There was a sort of time warp/overlap here. Except for the last part, everything happened here before Hisoka visited Illumi. Next chapter: Can Hisoka really cook and would anyone eat it? Is Kuroro having success? Do I know where I'm going with the story? Gosh, I hope so. +wide grin+