A Love Story

20)

She took the kettle off the stove, tipping it and pouring a steady stream into the two mugs on the counter nearby. It smelled good already and, with a sigh, Diana set the half-empty kettle to the side, turning away from the steeping mugs to pull honey and cream from the fridge.

No cream in hers, just a good amount of honey and—

"I want milk."

"Honey, I don't have any milk... all I have is this, sweetie."

Blue eyes pondered the predicament and it was the only part of him she could see over the edge of the counter. Tussled hair stuck up in different directions, and then, he hopped, and she caught a flash of a confused frown before he was once again defined as just eyes over a table. "That looks like milk, Mom."

"But it's not milk."

"Can I use it in cereal?"

"No! Oh, no, little guy... way too rich for that Sugary Sugars SugarPuffs you eat."

"You say that like Sugary Sugars SugarPuffs is bad."

"Well, you just know me well, don't ya?"

"Can I have some of that in my tea?"

"Only a few drops, Junior?"

"Okay... okay... only a few drops—

She stared down at the mug, where his tea seeped quietly, studied the dark liquid and, baffled, poured a liberal amount of the rich cream into the tea, watching in fascination as it bloomed upwards, and swirled softly, cold and hot mingling in some strange dance.

Then the cream was put back in the fridge and she found herself wondering what the hell was going on in her head these days. Well, okay, fine, she knew what was going on in her head... at least tonight. That picture she'd found had finally led to her leaving the bed to call him, to finally get some answers from him.

When she heard the sound of the knock on her door, she quickly headed to the front of the cabin, not even checking before swinging open the door; he got out a quick "what do you need?" before she walked away with a backward "Go sit and I'll bring the tea."

"You want a ride home?"

Kendall looked up from where she stared down at his hand on the doorknob and suddenly seemed horrified. "What... No! No... I can drive one of those rental cars you always offer me... You said I can use them, right?"

"Of course... I always keep my promises, dear." Dear, such an odd word to flow so smoothly when he spoke to her. Standing there, holding the door open, he waited for her annoyance at the word.

It didn't come. Instead, she continued her flustered insistence that she was fine and didn't need him and that she could drive herself home. With a final mumble not to worry about her, she bolted out of his office, tearing down the hall, past Edie who shot Zach an extremely strange look.

One eyebrow cocked, he watched in amusement as she snapped shut a small black book and shoved it into a drawer with a nervous mumble of "Good afternoon, Mr. Slater."

Women in this town were strange, weren't they? Even wonderfully bright and brilliant women like Edie seemed to have their brain cells dribble away when they enter the town. Strange. Deciding to ignore how easy it would be for Edie to have been listening at his door for the last three hours, he turned, deciding to also ignore the way Edie dragged the strange book right back out.

"JR?"

He looked up from his intense study of his tea, looking to her like a deer caught in the headlights. Diana sighed, she was getting sick of sighing honestly, and mentally steeled herself with all the strength she could. she set down her untouched tea, and set her hands on her legs. She could do this... she could do this... she was a gown woman... she could do this...

"I want you to answer my questions."

"I'll answer what I can." His voice made her want to cringe. No young man should know how talk that easily, control emotions that easily, spin himself so flawlessly to be whatever could be used as mask, to be able to survive by any means necessary. "I can't tell you everything yet, though. There's some stuff I'm not even sure of yet."

"Fine." Her hands, in her lap, clutched the fabric of her nightgown, probably ruining the satiny quality for life. "So... you've been looking for me?"

"For quite a while." Careful... his voice was careful and controlled and she was reminded of the lion tamer who croons his entertainment softly with whispered words and quiet speaking.

"Why were you looking?"

A moment of silence, a pregnant pause before he murmured, "I was looking on behalf of your family... they were desperate to know if it was possible."

Not the truth, she knew that immediately and, yet, strangely, it wasn't a lie, was it? Meeting the shuttered gaze of the young man before her, she considered her next question carefully... everything about this was careful... had to be careful on this thin ice. "Do they know that you found me yet?"

"Not all of them. I needed to be sure of everything before I go running back and announce that you're alive."

"Smart." She wished that her stomach would stop flipping, wished that she could drink her tea without risking making herself sick. "But you're sure now, right?"

"Without a single doubt."

"How about a DNA test? What if I'm some scam?"

"We'll be doing one to keep a few other members of the family sated but, see, I knew as soon as I saw you."

"You said that you knew me extremely well once."

"Yes."

"I was told that people changed my face, that, after the crash, I had all kinds of damage. Is that... is that a lie, JR?"

He was silent for so long that she wondered if he was even going to answer. But, finally, shifting in his seat and pressing a fist against his other hand, he murmured, "It's a lie. You... you look that same as you did the day you stepped onto that plane. There are a few more lines there, around your eyes, more laugh lines... but you look the same."

"Why would someone do that? Why the hell would someone pretend to change someone's looks?"

"Believe me, if I knew that, they'd be in more pain than you could possibly imagine."

He wasn't lying, and she could it with shocking clarity. He was dangerous. Yet, he was rattlesnake wasn't he? If you knew him well enough, if you got to see that side he hid so carefully, you would be able to hear that steady rattle at your feet and dodge his desperate attempt to make you hurt like he did.

"Why... when did you find out about me? I mean, what changed all of a sudden?"

"Nothing changed, not really. I've had several PI's in Switzerland over the last years, ever since I got my father's company; actually before. He asked me, the first Christmas after, what I really wanted and I told him that I wanted proof. He sent out his best men; when I got the power under my hold, I sent out my own men."

"It sounds like he loves you very much."

Now he laughed a sudden snort of amusement that somehow eased something in her spine. "Yeah... he does. People just don't want to see it, you know? People don't want to admit that love isn't just about flowers and skipping. It's about protecting your offspring. No matter what, everything is about keeping them safe."

"He does love you though."

"Yeah, he really does. Sometimes, it's harder to see but... no, he's been there for the last few months. He, uh, ahem, excuse me, he hasn't left my side."

"A good parent never does."

An odd look, a tilt of the head and he whispered, "Even if they have good reasons, they never should."

"JR..." It was now or never and she had to do this, had to get a real answer out of him. "JR... do I have a son waiting for me at home?"

"Where... where did you get something like that, Diana?"

"I saw a picture of... it was a picture of me and a... a boy."

"Doesn't mean the boy was yours, Diana."

"No, it..." She paused, finally decided to lay it all out on the table; she trusted him and she didn't doubt that he was worthy of her trust. "I've been seeing things... for months. I mean, I always had these flashes you know but these... these were really, really clear and, there's this boy."

"Maybe they don't mean anything." Amazing how well he could use his voice to sound so calm, how there was nothing in his face to read or figure out. But those eyes... those eyes were open for her to read and figure out... and, inside, she already knew the answer. "JR... that boy I see is my son... I know the connection of a mother. The connection I have with Cady? It's just as strong, just as powerful. I'd kill for him, JR. He's just an image in my head and a feeling in my heart but I know that, in single second, I'd kill for him."

"Yeah… a real parent would kill for their child."

"My whole family… that little boy… Cady's father… wait, Cady has a father?"

"Yes… yes, she, well, yeah, of course she has a father… but, yeah, he, uh, I've told him that I found you."

She nodded, standing, and, ignoring his sound of questioning, she left the room, headed to the computer in the corner and got the sheets she'd printed out. As soon as his eyes fell on the pages, he went slightly pale, straightening in his seat. She took a seat, looking down at the pages.

"JR… you work a lot to try to keep your private life private… but, you know, it's amazing how much you can find on poorly designed websites." Taking a deep breath, avoiding his piercing gaze, she started on the highlighted segments.

"'JR Chandler, son of famous business mogul Adam Chandler and Southern born Dixie Cooney, is now mourning the loss of a son, only a day after the child he thought was his own was, in fact, publicly revealed to be the thought-dead Miranda Mona Montgomery. JR Chandler has declined comment and, when we attempted to investigate him further, we met volatile resistance from both Adam Chandler himself and the famous daughter of Erica Kane and Fusion co-owner, Kendall Hart; both proved to be extremely violent.

'Ms. Hart, in fact, managed to get her hands on our camera man, Stan. Stan is currently in stable condition and is not pressing charges, mainly because of recent mysterious warnings from casino owner, Zach Slater.'" She paused, twitched one eyebrow thoughtfully. "There was quite bit information there about their new marriage. Anyway, let's keep going, huh? 'JR Chandler is no stranger to grief, and has been haunted by family tragedies for quite a few years.

'Before this, his mother, Dixie Cooney, who received the 2001 John B. Thorsten Award with world-famous cardiologist, David Hayward (see links for extra pages of his deeds) and was also three time wife to Tad Martin, who has had a hand in everything from talk shows to vineyards was tragically killed in May 2002 in Switzerland when her car went off the road in a storm. No remains were ever found but she is officially recognized as deceased, along with her unborn daughter.

'Before that, his mother and Tad Martin lost their child, legally known as Bess Martin. Coincidently, Bess is also what he called Miranda Mona Montgomery while she was in the care of JR Chandler. It seems that bad karma follows JR Chandler wherever he goes, which begs the question: what did he do in some past life?'" she set the papers down on the table before her, still refusing to meet his eyes. "You know, if I ever meet the sick son-of-a-bitch who wrote that, I'll commit cold-blooded murder."

"Kendall kicked one guy's ass."

"Yeah… I'll have to thank her, huh?"

He was silent then, and, when she finally looked up, she found him with his head leaned back, one forearm covering his eyes. She could hear his breathing, shaky and ragged, in the silence of her home. Upstairs, Cady slept, flopped out on her bed, with her beloved puppy-dog at her side, and, in the morning, she'd get to meet her big brother.

"You're a smart woman."

"Your mother always knows when you're lying, baby." When he looked back, finally, at her, his eyes met hers with something absolutely devastated there, something that clogged her throat, made it hard to breathe. "And I'm your mother, right? You've been searching for some answer for the last three years and you get here and I don't even remember you."

"Tad didn't want you to have her— he didn't want you to have Cady… Kate… you, uh…" His voice cracked and, reaching up, he rubbed his face hard, effectively blocking her ability to read those amazing eyes of his. "You left, came here… everything was going okay… you had it all set up… after she was born, you'd come home… it didn't happen right."

"I get that feeling."

His laughter, short and rough, nonetheless brought a slight smile to her face. Before he could bolt and she had no doubt he desperately wanted to, she stood, inching around the table to settle carefully at his side. She didn't touch him, not yet, just sat there and offered that quiet sort of comfort.

"When did you, uh…"

"I found that picture in the drawer… I saw the boy, I saw you and… as soon as I got back here, I went hunting… I hit gold!"

Another one of those rough, raspy laughs and he let his hand drop, coughing a few times, before glancing over and, oh god, her baby… there were chunks missing, huge gaping maws but he was there, and everything in there that was truly clear came with his face or his grin or his finger paintings or his toys that he'd always left out in the living room.

"Mom?"

"What, baby?"

"I can't sleep… I can't… eat… I stand in a room with people and, it's like… there's no one there… it's too much… I can't do it anymore… I don't want to do it anymore… Bianca got a miracle baby… and now Tad has a miracle baby… what did I do? What did I say? What did I do to deserve this?"

"Oh, no, nothing… you didn't do anything to deserve this… not… not to deserve this."

"I must have done something…"

"Listen to me." When he didn't obey, she grabbed the hand closest to hers, gripped it hard enough to bruise and looked him straight in the eyes. "listen to me… I am here, I'm back… and, this time, I'm never going to leave, not like before… I don't remember everything yet, but… never again. Anybody who… plays like this… hurts you like this… honey, there is only one thing more dangerous and pissed off then the Hart/Chandler tag team… and that, baby, is the Dixie/Adam tag team."

"Um… the tag team?"

"Oh, yes, we even have a fan club." A slight smile, a shake of a head and she smiled right back, eyes shining with tears. "I don't remember a lot but I do remember a few moments talking with your father, a few surfaced moments that always seem to pop up when I get pissed. Believe me, me and your father? Next time someone like this Carey person comes into the picture… Adam will not have the chance to kill her because, see, I'll get her first."

"Oh… you will, huh? See, um… you don't have a bad bone in your body, Mom."

"Maybe not, but, see, that's the point, I'm your mother… if I ever get the chance to get my hands around this ho's throat… she's a dead ho." She squeezed his hand even more tightly, wiped a tear or two away from her face. "Now… do you want some cookies?"

"I uh… I think I need comfort food."

"Then comfort food you will have! Now, come on, and you can even lick the bowl."

"Hmm…" He stood besides her, clearing his throat to loosen the cracking and sighed, amused at her determined face. "it's been a long time since I tasted raw cookie batter."

"Well, then, we've got quite a bit of time to make up for, huh?"

Kendall would spend the rest of her day at home, cleaning up what was already a clean home; by the time she fell into bed, she should have been exhausted enough to sleep for two days. Yet, she didn't. No, instead of sleeping she lay awake in her bed, completely torn between the way Ryan had looked at her earlier and how his fingers had felt brushing her hips and ass before he left her sight...

Ryan hadn't looked at her like that for months, not since he'd decided to rip her heart in two a la Greenlee Marriage... Now, it was back, that softness and tenderness in his gaze that made that spot he'd always owned of her flare up in absolute agony. Except, Ryan wasn't her only problem, not nearly.

Kendall Hart had flirted since she was a little girl running around the playground in school; she'd perfected it by the age of seventeen. Now, at the age of twenty-nine, she knew the look of interest... the look she was catching from Zach every time he caught sight of her.

She'd been able to blame it on her own many issues—Ryan was right about how truly fucked-up I am, wasn't he?—but now she couldn't deny it any more, could she? No, now, as she lay awake, holding her pillow like a lifeline, she admitted, silently, that her husband was actually interested in her.

Why! Why the Hell did Ryan have to chose today to look at her with love in his eyes again! Why did Zach have to choose today to finally slip that mask the slightest bit off, let her peek in more than she was usually allowed? Groaning, Kendall rolled over, pulling her pillow over her head... and screamed in sheer and utter frustration.

"Boss?"

Zach looked up from desk, blinked calmly up at Edie, who stood, looking stunned, in brand new clothes… oh, yeah, she'd probably changed her clothes when she went home last night. "Yes, Edie?"

"Were you here since last night, boss?

"Uh," he started lamely, clearing his throat and reaching up to absently tug the tie that hung limply around his neck; his jacket lay over his chair in a folded lump and the cuffs of his shirt were opened and rolled up. Grimacing at the feel of the stubble on his chin—need to shave, Zach-boy—he mumbled, "I got busy, decided to do some extra work while I had the time."

"You've been doing work on an empty desk, boss?"

"Yes!" he snapped, rather defensively and she smirked quietly to herself, eagerly awaiting the next couple of chapters in her research. "Look, Edie, why are you here so early anyway?"

Setting the folder down, she walked around the fine hardwood desk, reached up over the windows and tugged open the blinds; he grunted at the sharp flood of light to hit his vision and recoiled, reminding her of some beastly monster of the night, and, wow, had he just hissed?

"It's not that early, boss. It's nearly eleven in the morning, boss."

"You're just fucking with me, aren't you?"

She just stared at him, one eyebrow cocked and, with a cringe, he looked away; Edie was indeed a powerful woman in his life… even if there were only a few right now. "Okay, Edie, okay, I'll go home."

"Well, before you do, you should give your wife the happy news."

"Happy news?" he muttered, busy at work with wrestling his tie and cuffs into order. However, when her next words sank in, he paused for a second or two, wondering if he'd heard correctly, before asking her to repeat herself.

"The grand opening of the casinos? I just got the final word… it'll be next week, like you said. I just said that you should pick out your wife a sexy little something."

"I thought you said—" He stopped himself, quickly looked away from that truly disturbing something in Edie's dark eyes and decided that he'd heard her wrong. Yeah, he'd heard her wrong… of course he had. She couldn't have just said "you wife is wearing a little sexy something"… everything Kendall wore was strangely sexy to him… but maybe that was because he was celibate these days… yeah, he just…

"I'll uh… ahem; I'll tell her before I go home to take a nap. She can go and pick out something…" he froze at her laughter-choked next comment, spun, absolutely livid. "Now, Edie, that is wrong to say!"

"Oh for… you need to clean your ears, Mr. Slater… I said that your wife has very good taste."

"Oh." He was silent then, with a frown, he reached up and tugged at his ear, shaking his head. "I… I must have heard you wrong. I apologize, Edie."

Where the hell had that come from! How the hell had he heard "wonder how she tastes?" in Edie's innocent comment? He picked up his jacket, folded it over his arm and quickly fled, deciding to get his ears checked later. As soon as the door closed, Edie snapped open her study, and started jotting down the latest results of her experiment.

She never should have had them out, especially not then, especially not after the call from Edie just a few minutes before.

It had been like a nightmare, coming out and stumbling on one of her fucking rugs, and all of the pictures had flown up… he shouldn't have seen them, damn it… nobody knew about those few pictures she had of her and Ryan before everything had gone to Hell in a hand basket.

He'd let her go, left her to balance alone as he looked down at the glossy images of her and Ryan together… his next words had been a calm, almost frozen order to find herself some nice dress for the grand opening before snarking that, if she loved the photos so much she shouldn't let spend so much time on the floor… and then he'd been gone, slamming her door behind himself.

By the time she got her legs working and managed to get the door back open and get herself out, his place was closed off, the windows closed and the door doubtless locked against her and her pathetic attempts at apology. Kendall took the chance, darted across and found herself freezing again, staring at the ominous shape between them.

She pressed a hand against it, hesitated… taking a chance, she reached down, grasped the doorknob… and, on the other side of the door, she heard the quiet click of the lock… it was just a noise, just a barely discernable noise in the morning air… and yet she flinched back, cringing as if slapped and, with one final look at the locked place where he was hiding, she closed herself up also, locking her door and closing her blinds and deciding that she wished that it hadn't happened.

Looking down, she found herself staring at the photo and of her and Ryan beneath one of her fine shoes, one of her beloved memories of her and him decorating for Christmas… it was just a Polaroid, a little picture of her and Ryan… how could it could so easily ruin her future?

AN: You didn't think I'd let Zen get to it that easily did you? Anyway, I am very proud of this Kendall/Zach interaction and how many little twists it's going to put into their story… remember though, this is Zen, so don't be afraid, we'll have some happy endings, like I've said multiple times before.

When it comes to the JR/Dixie scenes, I truly want feedback for that. Tell me if I didn't hit the right notes for other people. Did I make you hurt for both of them? If I didn't get it, give me some info, huh? I was a mess writing it, LOL, tears streaming down my cheeks as I typed it… I'm proud of this chapter, what do you people think of it?

This is my longest chapter ever! I don't know why I'm so proud of this fact, but I am!