Prologue:
It was her last attempt at reaching out to him. It was her plea for him to finally let her go. A plea for Tommy to finally give Jude her heart back, however broken and bruised it was. It has been more than a year since he has left. Yet he still had a hold of her heart. She decided that she needed to end the charade and finally move on, however hard that might be. She was tired of dwelling over him. She needed the closure. The song represented just that. Closure. She knew that he would hear it somehow. She knew that he would understand the exact meaning of the words. She just hoped that he would let go the same way that she was letting go.
Her song became her first single off of her new album, her third one, which she slowly started to work on. As soon as it hit the airwaves, it had become an instant hit.
He was driving his car, on his way home, with the radio turned on the song that came on overpowered him. He knew the voice that was singing the song. He pulled over and listened attentively to each word that came out his car speakers.
Spoken: What do you do when you know something's bad for you and you still can't let go?
I was naïve, your love was like candy
Artificially sweet, I was deceived by the wrapping
Got caught in the web and I learned how to bleed
I was prey in your bed and devoured completely
And it hurts my soul cause I can't let go all these walls are cavin' in
I can't stop my sufferin'
I hate to show that I've lost control 'cause I
I keep goin' right back to the one thing I need
To walk away from
I need to get away from ya, need to walk away from ya
Get away, walk away, walk away…
I should've known that I was used for amusement
Couldn't see through the smoke, it was all an illusion
Now I've been lickin' my wounds, but the venom seeps deeper
We both can seduce but darlin' you hold me prisoner
Oh, I'm about to break, I can't stop this ache
I'm addicted to your allure, and I'm fiendin' for a cure
Every step I take leads to one mistake,
I keep goin' right back to the one thing that I need
I can't mend, this torn state I'm in
Getting nothing in return what did I do to deserve
The pain of this slow burn
And everywhere I turn I keep goin' right back to the one thing that I need
To walk away from
I need to get away from ya, need to walk away from ya
Get away, walk away, walk away…
Every time I try to grasp for air, I am smothered in despair it's never over, over
Seems I'll never wake from this nightmare, I let out a silent pray
Let it be over, over
Inside I'm screaming, begging pleading no more
Now what to do, my heart has been bruised, so sad but it's true
Each beat reminds me of you
It hurts my soul 'cause I can't let go, all these walls are cavin' in
I can't stop this sufferin'
I hate to show that I lost control
Cause I keep goin' right back to the one thing that I need oh
I'm about to break, and I can't stop this ache
I'm addicted to your allure and I'm fiending for a cure
Every step I take leads to one mistake
I keep going right back to the one thing I need oh
I can't mend this torn state I'm in
Getting nothing in return what did I do to deserve
The pain of this slow burn
And everywhere I turn I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away from
After the song finished, he couldn't hear anything anymore. All that was going through his mind were the lyrics of the song he just heard. He knew she was asking him to do. He was now faced with a choice. A choice that he wasn't sure he was ready to make.
By the time he had made it back home it was midnight. He didn't realize that he was sitting on the side of that road for over five hours. It seemed to him like he just heard her song a minute ago. Her voice taunted him. It was all he could think about. What is he going to do?
Chapter 1:
It's been a month since her song became a single and Jude still hasn't heard from Tommy. She took it as a sign that he was finally letting her go. She couldn't help but feel a little disappointed.
"You coward, you stupid coward." Jude said to herself. "Every time life throws you something your way, you run. Well you know what? I am done dwelling on you and what you did to me. It's time to start anew. You will no longer have the privilege to claim my heart or any tears that fall from my eyes."
She sat in her bedroom and realized that she still had pictures of Tommy everywhere. She decided it was time to put that part of her life away. She slowly took down all the pictures, looking at each one and mesmerizing the moment that was captured. She took out a box out of her closet and put the frames in it. At first she thought she would throw the pictures away but she decided against it. Whether she wanted to or not, she realized those pictures are a chapter of her life. Maybe one day she'll want to look back on her life and realize what a long road it has been. As she was about to close the box she realized there was one more thing that represented his presence. It was the writing journal he had given her when they finished her second album. She carefully picked it up from her bed and opened it to the first page. "Most of us go to our graves with our music still inside of us." She ran her hand over the inscription.
She quickly closed the book and gently placed inside the box. She closed the box and put in her closet, in a dark corner, covered with other random items she had in there. Oddly enough, she felt inspired. She sat down on her bed with few pieces of paper and a pen. Her hand began to flow freely across the white, crisp pages.
When
you love someone so deeply
They become your life
It's easy to
succumb to overwhelming fears inside
Blindly I imagined I
could
Keep you under glass
Now I understand to hold you
I
must open my hands
And watch you rise
Spread
your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly
abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly
were meant to be
So spread your wings and fly
Butterfly
I
have learned that beauty
Has to flourish in the light
Wild
horses run unbridled
Or their spirit dies
You have given me the
courage
To be all that I can
And I truly feel your heart
will
Lead you back to me when you're
Ready to land
Spread
your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly
abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly
were meant to be
So spread your wings and fly
Butterfly
I
can't pretend these tears
Aren't over flowing steadily
I can't
prevent this hurt from
Almost overtaking me
But will stand and
say goodbye
For you'll never be mine
Until you know the way
It
feels to fly
Spread
your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly
abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly
were meant to be
So spread your wings and fly
My Butterfly
Spread
your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly
abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly
were meant to be
So spread your wings and fly
Butterfly
So
flutter through the sky
Butterfly
Fly
Spread your wings and
fly
Butterfly
After she finished the lyrics, a feeling of contentment and ease came over Jude. She folded the piece of paper that she just wrote on and put it in the back pocket of her jeans. She knew exactly what the song represented. It was her release. Her release of her heartbreak, her release of him. She slowly made her way out of her room and down the stairs. Once outside she decided to walk to the studio instead of driving. It was too beautiful of a day to waste it in the car. With a fresh new outlook on her life she began walking.
Chapter 2:
"How could I think I would get away from her? What made me think that she wouldn't reach me somehow?" Tommy sat in his living room, his thoughts tormenting him.
The truth was that he left her that night against his own will. He had to go to Montana to take care of his own business. For the first two weeks that he was there, he was set on coming back to Toronto and explaining everything to Jude. For the first two weeks, Tommy's heart was breaking every time he thought about how he left things between them.
Then the tabloids came out with pictures of drunken Jude. He knew why she was in that mess. It was because of him. His ambiguousness that night left Jude vulnerable. At that moment, he decided it was better to run away from the problems instead of facing them. He decided on moving to New York, instead of coming back to Toronto. He was scared. Too scared to go back. So he moved to New York, Greenwich Village to be exact. He convinced himself that Jude was better without him and that he was better without her. He even learned to drown out the little voice of his subconscious telling him otherwise.
He never went back to music, to producing. It was too much of a reminder of his past life. He was set on starting a new life without her. He put away all of her pictures, CDs, and anything that would remind him of Jude, in a box and hid the box at the bottom of his closet. He never expected her to penetrate the American market. Not that he thought she wasn't good enough. That wasn't the case. He just never expected G-Major to have the necessary resources to do so. Therefore, he thought that he was safe. Safe from her. Anyone can imagine the surprised look on his face that day when he heard her voice coming over the radio. Here he was, trying so desperately to cut all ties to his old life and his old life comes back to haunt him down. "It must be karma." He said to himself as he thought about all the life choices that he ever made. Karma for living on the edge. Karma for playing with people's hearts and emotions.
The next day after he heard her song he even went out and bought the single. He fought hard against it, but it was life he wasn't himself anymore. Some unknown force walked him into the record store, picked up the single, paid for it. He went straight home, popped the CD into the player, and hit play. He found himself walking over to the closet and taking out the box. Slowly, he took out each picture and began remembering the moment that was captured on the print. When her song finished, he pressed play again. Underneath all the pictures he found Jude's previous albums. He went over to the stereo and popped the CDs in. He started with her first, reliving all the moments of that album. With each song his mind went back to the events that fueled the song. He remembered the exact time each song was written and recorded. When "Pick Up The Pieces" came on, to his own surprise, he didn't cringe. All he could think about was how she looked that day when they did the charity event. Her voice filling the room eventually started to fill his heart. As the first album came to an end, he popped the second CD in. That second album meant so much more to him. Her songs were his. "White Lines" came on. He remembered recording the day they recorded the song. It was on that day that he threw all the caution in the wind and decided to take his relationship with Jude to the next level. And then his mind went to the night that he left. His heart sank as he remembered all the events of the past year. "How could I be so stupid? How could I be such a coward? I let go of the best person that ever walked into my life because I thought anything would be better for her than me coming back. And to my own surprise she managed to find me."
Was he really ready to let her go? If anyone asked him that question six months ago, hell, even a day before he heard her song, he would have answer in a heartbeat – yes. But now, he wasn't ready to let her go at all. She captivated his heart all over again. But was he ready to go and face the music? Definitely not. He was too much of a coward to do that.
Feeling a wave of grogginess coming over him, he turned off the stereo and made his way into the bedroom. He left the box with the pictures on his coffee table. He got in the bed and began drowning into the dream. A dream of the beautiful Instant Star, Jude Harrison.
Chapter 3: