A Love Story

29)

What memories she had of Adam were surprisingly clear, images that, although shuffled and mingled, nonetheless told her a lot about whatever her connection was to JR's father, the father of her son. She itched to run over and listen in to whatever he and Brooke English were talking about but she remained standing by the threshold to the living room, wondering what the hell JR and her daughter were doing up there.

She'd adjusted extremely well to the fact that she was a Dixie and while she cringed at the jokes that she would no doubt be hearing, the name fit her in some way that she couldn't understand and didn't think she could explain no matter how hard she might try. However, she doubted that her daughter would feel such ease in shifting from one name to another… what, would they spend the rest of their lives calling her 'Cady/Kate'?

Considering her daughter's idea of fun…

Dixie picked at the bottom of her top, forcing herself not to find some way to listen in on the conversation and then looked up the stairs, sighing and again thinking about whatever they were doing up there. Finally, worry growing with every second, she finally headed up, catching sight of her daughter as the little girl darted into a room and disappeared.

Panic was the great understatement for what she felt as she stared down at her cell phone, eyes wide as the realization that Greenlee was not going to be there at the casino, would not be there to keep Ryan busy so she could talk to Zach about everything and explain what he had seen when he come into the condo and took her by surprise sank into her skull.

Greenlee wouldn't be there and Ryan would no doubt take the change to charge in and 'rescue' her from big, bad wolf Zach…

Oh god, oh god, oh god… it was bad enough that she was going to do this but now she had to do this with Greenlee AWOL and Ryan on her ass and no doubt Mom there in her Lavery uniform, waving pom-poms and cheering Ryan on! With a strangled shriek, Kendall flung her cell phone into the chair at her side and began to slam her palm down on the horn of her car angrily, swearing and cursing.

Oh god, oh god, oh god…

Winifred hadn't gone near the nursery, something he saw with a flood of relief and a loosening of his fists as he hovered near the door, staring into the dimly lit room and eyes finally stilling at the dark shape of the empty crib. He stared at it for long moments before stepping in and then stopping again, weak at the sight of it.

The room was still his haven, the only safe spot he had and he stood silent, gripping the edge and contemplating the pillow and blankets. His eyes, lowering, caught sight of the stuffed dog lying at his feet and he kicked it under the crib, hiding it from sight and closing his eyes, letting out his breath in a quiet, defeated noise.

When would he stop waking up and going into the nursery to wake up Bess?

When the door creaked, spilling light in, he jerked, staring at Cady, at his little Kate, who stood staring at him with large blue eyes that flared with excitement when she spotted the crib and before he could stop her, she streaked across the shadows and peeked through the bars for a moment before she offered him a baffled look.

"Where's the baby?"

It was good question and he looked away, knowing the answer but not knowing and it hit him, yet again, a painful blow to his inside that hurt even more than before as he worked to figure out how to put the knowledge into words that she could understand. She didn't know about Bess, didn't know about his son and he wished that she never knew, that she'd never know because what kind of way to grow up was that, right?

"I don't have a baby," he finally got out, his voice rough and his knuckles white as he gripped the crib. There it was again, a painful wrench of emotion that made his throat close up and his chest tighten, made his eyes burn and his body shake the smallest bit, physically resisting everything that he knew had to be a lie because he would feel it, wouldn't he?

"But you have a crib…" There was an edge of amused accusation and he knew she was smiling, knew she was grinning, eyes sparkling at his foolishness and his strangeness, knowing that if you have a crib then you must have a baby because that was how these things worked, right?

"Kate."

She spun, blinking at her mother standing in the doorway and she wrinkled her nose at the sound of her full name in her mother's sharp tone and then looked back at her brother, deciding that, yes, he was lying and that there was a baby because there was a crib. Then she jumped when her mother's voice came again, even sharper and truly angry now.

"Kate!"

When her daughter just gave her a look, Dixie sucked in a breath and strode into the room, grabbing the girl by the shoulders and spinning her, and the girl finally got the message that her mother truly wasn't playing around. "Momma…"

"Come on Kate, it's time for bed and you're probably exhausted," Dixie snapped softly, grabbing her by the hand and leading her out of the room, glancing once more at the silent mourner before leaving with the girl that was now insisting, through yawns and eye-rubbing, that she was not at all tired.

And he was left to stand by the empty crib in silence, breath coming harshly and working to calm the way his pulse by pounding before he caught up the pillow, holding it for long moments as he worked it all back. It always worked and this time was no different as he folded it all away and pushed it to the back of mind.

Pushed it back into the part of his mind that held the memories of Tad before he ruined it all and Jamie before he abandoned him and everyone else who had proved what he had always known and stopped loving him when Dixie hadn't been around because that the only reason he mattered to them, just as Tad's way to get to her.

It didn't help, not really, but it also didn't hurt anymore and he carefully set the pillow back down, laid it carefully down and checked it yet again before grabbing the music box and stuffed dog from the floor. Stepping out of the room, he shut it carefully before heading down the hall, and noting with relief that his mother was stepping out now, stilling when she spotted him. "JR—"

He ignored her, she didn't matter, and stepped into where she was laying, and looking bored as she glared up at the ceiling, stifling a yawn when she raised her head to regard him sadly. "Did I do something wrong?"

He shook his head, sitting on the edge of the bad and studying her intently, knowing full well that Bess wouldn't have had blonde hair and blue eyes because she had never really existed in the first place, had she? But Kate did, no matter what her name was, and who said he couldn't have her?

His first movement consisted of tucking her in even though she already was, handing her the stuffed dog and pushing hair from her face, clearing it away before setting up the music box on the table beside her massive bed, one of his father's extras and decided that he would go out and buy her new bedding tomorrow and a dog bed so that her dog could sleep in here…

Standing at the doorway and staring in, Dixie frowned to herself, glancing at the closed off nursery before looking back at her son, who was whispering to her daughter and worry filling her eyes as she crossed her arms over her chest, biting her bottom lip and considering the new concern clouding her mind, erasing the earlier thoughts of Switzerland and why she was dreaming of fire even though she hadn't been in the crash.

The decision to invite Maxie to the casino wasn't what was making Zach Slater feel like a nervous teenage boy. No, the reason he had spent an hour picking at his lunch and then another hour picking at his work had everything to do with the fact that Kendall Hart-Slater, his wife, would be there tonight.

He'd had dates when he had been younger, been shoved into suits and ties by his father to pay fake compliments to rich young women from the moment he had turned fifteen. He'd been introduced to herds of rich young women simply because he was the chosen son, the special one while Mikey had been thrown a bone once in a while when Alexander got bored.

The last months before he had left his name behind had been some of the harshest of his life and he found himself looking back on those months with a mixture of disgust and hatred, repulsed that he had grown to such weaknesses that he had sunk so low just to feel something, anything, other than that self-hatred.

Self-hatred that came to him every time Mikey got a nasty retort while he was taken into his Father's office for a private business lesson or got to visit his mother while Mikey got stuck in a house with an army of maids who had given him hints of pity and pats on the head, half-hearted comfort that came because their pay was so good.

He had sunk low and gone to desperate measures as the emotions had grown, swallowing him whole and ripping him open, leaving him to feel empty and hollowed, like someone who had nothing left and he had finally broke, finally run and left it all behind, killed Alexander Cambias Jr. and never looked back because it was too easy to sink into the place again simply by the memory of watching Mikey stand in the front hall as he left to visit his mother, the little boy gazing up at him with tear-filled eyes.

These feelings were new and deeply, deeply frightening. They made the warmth he felt for Maureen pale in comparison. The touch of a hand or a hint of her laughter were enough to make his breathing come more quickly and, although it was delightful on some level, it was also, in the most basic explanation, making him freak out.

He ended up spending an hour and a half searching for the right suit and was about five seconds away from finally slamming his head against the wall before Edie had suddenly dropped by, armed with a new suit and Thai food and taking full and complete charge of the fumbling male who had found himself stranded in a bedroom in the middle of every suit he owned and ties hanging from lamps and other objects.

Edie was the closest thing he'd ever had as a friend and he'd shocked her when, after she'd finished straightening his crooked tie, he'd flung his arms around her and squeezed her so tightly that she had uttered a squeak of pain at the feel of her ribs beginning to puncture her lungs.

Now, fiddling with the goddamned tie that he was sure Kendall wouldn't like, he sat at his desk at the casino, hoping Edie wouldn't realize he was hiding and drag him out because, damn it, Kendall was somewhere out there and he had no doubt he would be mumbling because as much as he sometimes thought she looked at him with something more than an amused exasperation, he still remembered the fact that she was still apparently worshipping Ryan Lavery and his stupid pictures.

And he was stupid to get so excited over her being somewhere in the casino that they owned.

Erica's first plan—Operation Guilt-Kendall-Into-Divorce-By-Way-Of-Fake-Madness—had been a miserable failure and she had unhappily been forced to admit that such a plan would not work with Kendall or Zach. Zach, bastard that he was, had shown her how easy it was him to see through her play by having a wrapped straight jacket delivered to her office.

Erica was not a happy Kane.

Now, glaring at the photo that had been e-mailed by one of her assistants, Erica decided that she would need someone to help her destroy this crap called a marriage. Edie Harrison had been spotted not once but twice consorting with Myrtle and, as much as Erica adored Myrtle Fargate, this simply meant war.

Standing and crossing to the phone, she once again played Ryan's message, his voice revealing a raw sort of panic as he explained his worries about the marriage and Zach Slater and what all was going to happen when Kendall saw Slater for the man he really was. It was fear in Ryan's voice, and pain and she knew the feeling well.

He'd made a mistake but that, fortunately, didn't change the fact that he was the only man in the world who could truly make Kendall happy and feel truly loved and Erica was not going to let those two lose each other again, not after all this and not now that they needed each other the most.

She nodded to herself sharply before heading down the hall, opening and yanking off her robe as she stepped into the bathroom and started the shower. She could scheme like no other person in Pine Valley and now, with a smile of joy at her new idea and at knowing how well it would work, she planned what she was going to say to get Bianca to help her.

Adam Chandler, with Brooke effectively out of the mansion, found himself prey to horrible thoughts of that child running around, calling him grandpa and then making him give her twenties when she went out with her friends in ten years. Memories of Hayley had never been forgotten and who could forget Skye's teenage years?

When he found the slightest hint of a smile working its way onto his features, Adam took a sip of his alcohol, booze really, and the burn effectively eased the touch of amusement that the thought of the child had brought on in his very small but surprisingly powerful paternal neural pathways.

"Adam."

Spinning where he stood staring at the fire like a guilty five year old with his hand in the cookie jar, he blinked at the sight of Dixie taking full charge of his living room, having some very strong flashbacks and wondering how in the world he had thought she was a pitiful creature when he'd caught sight of her in Switzerland.

There was nothing pitiful or cautious about her as she strode forward, snatched the glass from his hand and set it aside, pinning him with a strong gaze that he had seen JR give Colby when she had decided that it would be fun to color the walls when Liza was out, probably trying to bonk Martin, like he was such a fine catch right?

He had also seen JR give it to Bess numerous times, easily making the happy little girl stop whatever chaos she was trying to bring on and pinning her long enough to scoop her up and find her something better to do then destroy Adam's priceless collection of Civil War antiquities by way of sticky fingers.

"We need to talk to JR."

He didn't want to talk to JR.

She must have seen this on his face for she gave a disgusted noise and easily kept him from moving around by a slight shift, crossing arms over her chest and giving him the look. Damn, he hated the look, another thing that JR had inherited from his mother and dealt out fearlessly, especially when Adam got on his last nerve.

"Adam, JR is not handling—" She stopped, going quiet when they heard JR's footsteps coming down the stairs and then he stopped at the doorway, blinking the familiar sight of Adam cowering slightly and his mother in full mother-mode, both staring at him with wide, too-innocent-to-be-innocent gazes.

Who said he needed kids when he had them to take care of?

"What are you two—?"

It was JR's cell phone, buzzing suddenly, that saved the Chandler and Cooney from dodging him and he cast them a dirty look before stepping out of the room, shutting the door before answering Kendall's panicked call that basically consisted of her freaking and insisting that he come and offer her a backbone when she tried to tell Zach that she had feelings for him.

The next five minutes consisted of his mother shoving him up the stairs to get dressed so he could get out of the house and she and Adam could continue their conversation without him. Besides, as Dixie repeated repeatedly as she shoved him out the front door and into his car, he needed to get out and about.

And so JR found himself acting as Kendall's backbone during the night of hell at the casino while at the Tempo building, Brooke met with Buck Kincaide, newly arrived and not yet having told his daughter that he was there. Mainly because he wasn't for her, per se, as he was to save her eternal soul, and money, from Adam Chandler.