Jack shifted down the step so he was sat on the grass before he made any voiced response to Kim's statement. Finally he looked up at her, "what about China?" he asked meekly, and Kim sighed heavily before sitting down cross legged on the garden so she was facing him.
"I was debriefed by Heller, I mean, if you want to I'm sure he could let you see it," Jack said, babbling slightly, not understanding why Kim would want to talk to him about what happened.
"I don't want to read your debrief dad," she snapped, "for God's sake are you that wrapped up in yourself you think this is what's bothering me! I wanted to talk to you about what happened," she paused, her emotions getting the better of her, "to us, US," she stressed, "do you know how much it hurts me when I see something that reminds me of what happened, what I saw, what they did to you?"
Jack was silent as he tried to stop his mind transporting him back to that terrible time.
"Chase tries to make me open up to him, but I can't dad. I can't tell him how scared I was, for myself as well as you. I can't describe to him how shocked I was, how sick I felt when I saw what they had done to you. I was terrified because I knew you were scared too dad, I didn't know what to think or do. I can't tell Chase, how I thought they were going to do to me what they did to you. I can't make somebody understand how I was more scared for what their hurting me would do to you, than I was for the pain myself. How can I make somebody understand what went through my head? How can anybody understand that dad? Nobody can!"
Jack felt tears sting his eyes as he moved over to his daughter and wrapped his arm around her. She clung to him as she tried to fight the tears and the strain and continue. "I don't want Chase to know what I went through dad, it will break his heart. He was devastated at the damage they inflicted on you, if he were to know how close I was, to…" She broke off again, sobs wracking her body. Jack held her and felt the guilt wash over him.
"I'm sorry Kim," he said, "I should have spoken to you about it. I had no idea how you felt, I just didn't want to bring it up, I didn't want to be reminded-"
"I didn't want to remind you dad," she said in a high pitched voice, "but I just can't forget."
"I'm sorry," he whispered as he felt her grasp him even tighter as though she could squeeze away her emotions.
Kim sniffed and pulled away from him to wipe her eyes and get control of herself. "Please," she said, "please don't feel bad. I didn't talk to you because I didn't want you to feel guilty for something that wasn't your fault." Jack nodded tensely. "I just wanted to get it out, because, I thought, I knew that you can understand."
"I understand," he said softly, "you shouldn't have had to go through that."
"Well I did," Kim said strongly, "and if I hadn't, you'd still be stuck their or you'd be dead. I'd do it again dad, knowing what would happen. I'd do it in a heartbeat."
Jack looked at her for a moment, almost struggling to understand what it was she was saying. "Do you understand what I'm saying dad? I don't regret anything."
"Okay," Jack said slowly.
"I don't want you to either, I don't want you to regret anything. Not your injuries, not the confession, not what I just told you. Promise me, dad, you wont feel guilty over this. You have nothing to regret, promise me you don't." she said near desperation.
Jack pulled her to him and kissed her gently on her forehead. "I promise you," he whispered, "thank you," he added softly, feeling better, feeling lighter, almost relieved as the two hugged each other into the night.