II. What Becomes of the Broken-Hearted?
As I walk this land with broken dreams
I have visions of many things
Love's happiness is just an illusion
Filled with sadness and confusion,
What becomes of the broken hearted
Who had love that's now departed?
I know I've got to find
Some kind of peace of mind
Maybe.
The fruits of love grow all around
But for me they come a tumblin' down.
Every day heartaches grow a little stronger
I can't stand this pain much longer
I walk in shadows
Searching for light
Cold and alone
No comfort in sight,
Hoping and praying for someone to care
Always moving and goin to where
What becomes of the broken hearted
Who had love that's now departed?
I know I've got to find
Some kind of peace of mind
Maybe.
I'm searching though I don't succeed,
But someone look, there's a growing need.
Oh, he is lost, there's no place for beginning,
All that's left is an unhappy ending.
Now what's become of the broken-hearted
Who had love that's now departed?
I know I've got to find
Some kind of peace of mind
I'll be searching everywhere
Just to find someone to care.
I'll be looking everyday
I know I'm gonna find a way
Nothings gonna stop me now
I'll find a way somehow
I'll be searching everywhere
(fade)
Craig stares hard at the empty chair, then at the wall behind it. There were gold records in plaques, two from his efforts; pictures with autographs; a huge picture of Mickey Perrigan, his manager, and a girl group he was building.He wonders if he's been called in to help that group out, and shudders at the thought of them opening for him, sharing the same stage with a pop band. Honestly, he hoped to pitch a band he saw on the road to Mickey as a possible opening act. Their songs were about the usual (disenchanted youth, rising above adversity, heartbreak), a bit emo, but their hearts were in the right place. But Mickey had the tendency to choose image over substance. Still, Craig had managed to be the exception, although it took a lot of arguing with Mickey about staying true to his sound.
His eyes focus on one gold record, the one that sold the most units. Dust. Mickey thought it was too pedestrian, but Craig demanded that it go on the first album. After that, Mickey trusted Craig's ear. But his image? No, Mickey fought him at every turn, especially when it came to his love life.
"You're going to another awards show alone?"asked Mickey, after his second album entered the top ten.
"Ellie's shy," said Craig, shrugging. "And she's starting this film company."
"I understand, Craig, but pretty soon people will start to wonder, well, if you made this girl up and you're actually...um, not into girls."
"I don't really care."
"Well, just think of it this way. People don't remember Cher or any of her invisible boyfriends. They remember Sonny and Cher, right? It helps if a rock star has a rock star's life, or at least a supportive girlfriend that shows her support. More appealing."
Craig nodded. "Yeah, I get it."
He talked to Ellie that night, but ever since she got rolling with the film company, she'd been very evasive, giving him some reason why she couldn't come with him to events. He didn't want to say what he was really thinking, that they were reasons to keep him at a distance. Mickey was less than pleased, but booked the one seat for the awards show.
Craig went to peer closer at the gold record of Dust. It was the one track that he got right the first time, recorded in London in a tiny studio, with only him and one producer/engineer. It was the purest, the surest he'd ever sounded. He told the producer to take out all the excess, and to let him sit with his guitar and sing. He knew the lyrics, the meaning, the heart behind it. Sometimes it's that easy. Sometimes it isn't.
Ashley joined him in London shortly afterward. Mickey got Craig a hotel room at a cozy little hotel, but Craig never told him he was bringing a guest. He didn't know if she could make it, seeing as she'd promised Jimmy to sit on a few classes and take notes while he underwent treatment. But she got one of Jimmy's classmates to do it, and took the leap across the pond. Craig opened the door to her giddy face.
"Finally in London together," said Ashley, throwing her arms around him, her suitcase hitting Craig's back. "Sorry."
"I don't care," said Craig, pulling her closer, the suitcase bopping his back again. "Mmmm, you feel good."
"Better get in before Mickey sees me," said Ashley, closing the door behind her.
Craig rolled his eyes. "I don't know why he thinks me being single is going to sell more records."
"You're a heartthrob, Manning. That's the only reason I came," teased Ashley, kissing him on the cheek.
"Ha ha," said Craig, taking her suitcase and putting it by the door.
Picking her up and listening to Ashley's squeal, he dropped her on the bed and stroked her face. Ashley kissed his hand.
"I have something for you," said Craig, reaching over her face and opening a drawer..
"Craig, after this weekend, no more spending any money on me," said Ashley, giving him a pointed look.
"I like doing it," said Craig. "But this is something really, really cheap."
Craig flashed a videotape in front of her, though it was in a plain, black box with no title or pictures.
"Cheap as in triple X?" said Ashley, giggling.
"You have a dirty mind, Kerwin," said Craig. "But I don't know. Pop it in and see."Ashley slid off the bed. "I'm almost afraid to."
She turned on the TV, put on the video, removed her shoes, and bounced back on the bed. Craig slid off his shoes too, trying to cover his feet.
"Death Cab socks," said Ashley, pointing to his feet.
Craig blushed. "Hey, I can be a fan boy, too."
He put an arm around her, and they leaned back, their heads against the headboard. The previews rolled for a couple minutes, then the orchestra started to play a familiar melody.
A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, the medicine go dowwwn, the medicine go down...
"Ahh!" cried Ashley, happily. "I love it."
"I saw it, bought it, thought of you," said Craig, putting a Death Cab foot over hers.
"Mary Poppins is the best ever. Do you know It's a Jolly Holiday with Mary? My fave."
"All I know is that it's a lovely holiday with Ashley," replied Craig in his best British accent.
"You still can't do the accent."
"Yes, I can."
"No, you can't."
"You do it, then."
"No."
Craig made a grab for the remote. "Do it, Ash, or I'll stop it before the penguin part."
Ashley tried to grab the remote, but wound up on top of him, and they wrestled for a few minutes, before they were pulling off each other's clothes and pausing the video. Craig couldn't wait to touch her, feel her need him as much as he needed her. They agreed that the penguins could wait.
Craig swallows a lump in his throat. He hasn't thought about that moment in awhile. It was the last moment they spent a decent amount of time together before Jimmy's treatments took a turn for the worse, and then that day in the restaurant. He feels his cheeks burning and sits in the chair opposite Mickey's.
"Craig baby!" exclaims Mickey, walking into the door with a sharp-faced woman following him.
"Uh, hey," says Craig, getting up and shaking his hand.
"How's Ellie?"
"Um, she's good. Actually..."
"Great, great," interrupts Mickey, who wasn't the least bit interested. "This is Robertia, and she'll be styling you for your talk show appearance tomorrow."
"Roberta?" says Craig.
"No, Robertia. She's got so many references too."
Craig extends her hand to Robertia, but she slaps it away. Hard.
"Owww," says Craig, shaking the pain off.
"You don't talk to me," says Robertia. "You don't look at me. I look at you and I know. Turn."
"She's good," assesses Mickey, sitting on his desk.
Robertia circles Craig, then pulls out a measuring tape and gets to work. Craig remains silent, tensing up until Demetria slaps him on the back.
"Come on, man," complains Craig.
"He'll wear a suit. Like White Stripes," decides Robertia. "He'll play a ballad. We'll make him sensitive man instead of leather jacket-wearing rock star."
Craig protectively hugs his jacket. Mickey nods, and Robertia leaves after giving Craig one more slap on the shoulder.
"This is insane, Mickey," says Craig. "I'm not wearing a suit. I want to be relatable to young people."
"Well, Craig, you're twenty-eight," laughs Mickey. "That ain't so young in the music business. A lot of artists change their style around this time. We're recording a third album, not a first one or a sophomore one. And the sophomore album only spawned one really big hit. We can afford to make some subtle changes. Just wear the suit and see if you like it."
Craig sighs. "Once."
"Okay," says Mickey, looking pleased. "So you're doing Emma Nelson's charity show tomorrow, like you requested."
"It's going to be really good," said Craig, cheering up a bit. "Jude Harrison is even going to show up. But also, I'm helping this other band out, Mickey, so if you could listen to..."
"Sure, sure," says Mickey. "Um, later. Gotta make some calls. And you should prepare for the gig tomorrow. You want to be really good for all the people you grew up with in Toronto, right?"
Mickey exits, leaving the smell of bad cologne behind him. Craig coughs, then throws himself back into the chair. All the people he grew up with. The last time he saw all of them was that terrible day. Actually, the real terrible day was when he got the invitation. Jeff and Kate Kerwin are pleased to announced the union of their daughter Ashley to James Brooks. Well, he wasn't so pleased. In fact, he couldn't believe it. Just a year before, he was with Ashley. Didn't that mean anything anymore? Well, he decided to find out. Neglecting to tell Mickey, he used some money to get a flight to Toronto from L.A. during his first tour. He was supposed to be recording that day, but this was something he couldn't put off. As the plane touched down, he thought about how he said he only said "I love you" at airports, but Ashley wasn't there to say it to. Running down the tarmac, then out of the airport, he tried to think of what to say. Nothing really good came to his mind; he was too anxious. So when he arrived at the Brooks' humongous home the morning of the wedding, he just walked through the front door, nearly knocking over a maid.
"Sorry," said Craig, helping the maid up, then opening a few doors and looking in.
"Craig?" said a surprised, familiar voice. Marco.
"Where is she, Marco?" demanded Craig.
"What are you going to do, Craig?" said Marco, his face stern, but his eyes full of sympathy. "Drag her out of here?"
Craig ignored Marco, and started opening more doors, yelling "Ashley!". Marco trailed him, but Craig noticed he was hovering near one door. Marco stood in front of it, seeing Craig's realization.
"Move, Marco," said Craig.
"She doesn't want to see anyone," whispered Marco.
"She'll see me," said Craig, pushing Marco aside and opening the door.
"Spin!" Craig heard Marco yell behind him.
Truthfully, he wasn't prepared to see what was inside. The room was drenched in shadow, but a single ray of sunlight shone on Ashley, beautiful in a pearl-lined wedding dress, wiping away mascara that trickled down her face from tears. Craig could barely catch his breath. He just stared at her reflection in the mirror, frozen in place. Then, he heard footsteps racing towards the room, and he shook out of it, locking the door behind him. Ashley heard the door slam and turned.
"Craig," breathed Ashley.
"This is really bad timing," said Craig.
A couple hard raps knocked on the door. Then, the pounding got more intense.
"Craig, are you in there?" yelled Spinner. "Come on, man. We don't want any trouble."
Craig shook his head, and knelt in front of Ashley. She started sobbing, staring off into space.
"I didn't know how to tell you," cried Ashley, hiccuping in between the words. "I don't know what I'm doing."
Craig really wanted to yell at her, for even considering this, for not telling him. The rapping on the door stopped.
"You don't have to do anything," said Craig. "Let's just go."
Ashley shook her head. "I can't."
"Yes, you can."
"You don't understand. Jimmy's having surgery in a month. They found more complications. He needs the willpower to go in. This might be it. Craig, I...I love him enough where it might be okay."
Craig's heart sank, and he rose from the floor.
"More than me?" asked Craig, feeling a bit faint.
"Not more than you," said Ashley, looking him straight in the eye. "Never more than you."
Craig felt his heart flutter, a flutter of relief.
"You'll be so unhappy, Ash," said Craig, his eyes starting to water. "Jimmy...it's so not what he's thinking it will be. And I'll be...I'll be devestated."
"I was devestated when you walked away," said Ashley, frowning and turning away from him.
"After you moved in with him, I tried to call you, but I'd get all these hang ups," defended Craig. "And yeah...I think...I think it was Jimmy."
"Jimmy would never do that!" yelled Ashley, getting up in his face.
"Don't defend him!" shouted Craig. "He may be paralyzed, but he can still be a jerk."
"The only jerk I see is you!" shouted Ashley. "Jimmy knew how much we cared about each other, and he was very understanding about us. You weren't very understanding when you let me go."
"That's such a lie!" said Craig. "He was just waiting until all that pressure weighed down on us. He's always wanted you, Ash. But apparently he doesn't know he can only have half of you, that friendship. Or he knows, and he's happy with that one half. The truth is I have all of you, every part, every fiber, everything. That's what you have of me, or else I wouldn't be here."
Ashley collapsed in her chair, blinking back at her reflection.
"I'm not going to ruin this day for him, and neither should you," said Ashley, tears falling faster and faster down her face. "Please...leave."
"No!" said Craig.
Craig heard someone jimmy the door and soon Marco, Spinner, and Mr. Brooks were staring at him, blinking back tears as he looked at Ashley's reflection.
"Did we invite this guy?" asked Mr. Brooks. "I know his mom invited all Jimmy's friends, but..."
"Yeah, you invited me," said Craig, giving Ashley an intense stare that made her shiver. "You invited me to the worst day of my life."
Marco tried to get a hold of Craig's arm, but Craig pushed his hand away and headed down the hallway. It was all messed up, and Ashley was just helping it along. He saw a bottle of gin, popped it open, and felt the cool alcohol fall down his throat. He clutched the bottle to his chest. Then, he saw and took Spinner's keys, recognizable because it had a pic of him and Paige smiling happily on the keychain.
"Craig!" Marco called after him.
Craig rushed to Spinner's car, then unlocked the door. He found that was the easiest door he opened all day. Marco batted the keys away, and they fell to the grass with a slight tinkle.
"You guys don't care," said Craig, taking another swig of gin. "Traitors!"
"Yes, we do," argued Marco. "We know you're in love with her. We're not stupid. But we don't lack hearts either, Craig. Are you thinking about Jimmy at all?"
Craig smacked his lips. "Sure, because the whole stupid world should think about Jimmy."
Marco sighed. "You have to let Ashley decide. You can't decide for her. And you can't pretend this is easy for any of us. We love you, we love him...it's just really terrible, okay?"
Craig reaches for the keys, but Marco stamps on them so they're unreachable.
"I need to go for a ride," said Craig.
"You're upset, you're drinking. You think I'm a fool?"
Marco and Craig watched someone making her way towards them. Ellie. She threw her ponytail behind her back.
"Having a party before the wedding?" says Ellie, raising her eyebrow.
Ellie nodded at Marco, indicating that she'd be fine. Marco nodded back, but wrested the gin out of Craig's hands.
"Hey!" cried Craig.
"Hey nothing," said Ellie. "I'll take you wherever you need to go, even a bar."
"You don't want to stay for the wedding?" snapped Craig. "Or rather, the hoax."
Ellie shook her head. "I'll apologize profusely to Ashley, and make it up to Jimmy somehow. My car's over here. Come on."
Craig wipes his brow, and sees Mickey's office once more. The sight of Ashley in that wedding dress...he couldn't get it out of his mind. That was the last time he saw her, and that had been a long car ride home. A car ride home that threw him off and he ended up in a place he didn't expect. And now this. This would be some concert back home.