IX. Stop! In The Name of Love
Stop in the name of love
Before you break my heart!
Baby, baby, I'm aware you go
each time you leave the door.
I watch you walk down the street,
knowing your other love you meet,
But this time before you run to her,
leaving me alone and hurt.
After I've been good to you.
After I've been good to you.
Stop in the name of love
Before you break my heart!
Stop in the name of love
Before you break my heart!
Think it over.
Think it over.
I've known your, your secluded nights.
I've even seen her, maybe once or twice.
But is her sweet expression worth
more than my love and affection?
This time before you leave my arms
and rush off to her charms
After I've been good to you.
After I've been good to you.
Stop in the name of love
Before you break my heart!
Stop in the name of love
Before you break my heart!
Think it over.
Think it over.
I've tried so hard, hard to be patient,
Hoping you'd stop this infatuation.
But each time that we are together,
I'm so afraid of losing you forever.
Stop in the name of love
Before you break my heart!
Stop in the name of love
Before you break my heart!
Stop in the name of love
Before you break my heart!
Stop in the name of love
Before you break my heart!
Jimmy unlatches a pink lunchbox, puts in a few things and smushes in a juicebox, then snaps it closed. He dusts off his hands, then heads to the refrigerator and grabs a bottle of water. He takes a sip, then puts the water on the table.
"Les, are you packed yet?" he yells into the next room.
"Yes!" yells Leslie, turning down the volume of the television.
"Did you pack your toothbrush?" shouts Jimmy.
"No!" replies Leslie.
"Your bathing suit?"
"No!"
"Then you're not done!" yells Jimmy. "Go pack."
He hears a groan from Leslie, who then enters the kitchen and climbs into her father's lap.
"Why do I have to go?" asks Leslie, putting an arm around her father.
"It'll be fun," says Jimmy. "I packed you your favorites and everything. Peanut butter and banana sandwich, green grapes, crackers, fruit juice, and a big cookie."
"A big cookie from the mall?" says Leslie, her eyes dancing.
"Yep, from the mall," says Jimmy. "You'll have something to eat on the way there."
Ashley walks to the doorway, watching them. Jimmy smiles at her.
"What about golf?" asks Leslie.
Jimmy pinches her nose. "Forget it. The only thing I want you to think about is having fun this weekend. When Sunday comes, you'll have so many new friends that I'll have trouble keeping you on the green. I just want you to be happy."
Jimmy catches Ashley smiling and nodding approvingly.
"Okay," says Leslie, slinking out of Jimmy's chair. "I'll go pack."
Leslie runs off, and Jimmy hears her sneakers rushing up the stairs. Ashley claps lightly.
"Nicely done, Jimmy Brooks," says Ashley.
"Well, it's only one weekend," says Jimmy. "And she's too good of a kid not to have friends."
"A good kid because she has a good dad," compliments Ashley, picking up Leslie's lunchbox.
The ice maker in the refrigerator clatters while Jimmy watches Ashley make a brown paper bag lunch for herself. He rolls over to her, putting his hand over hers as she slathers on some mustard on a sandwich.
"I can make you one too," offers Jimmy. "The least I can do for sending my two girls off into the wilderness by themselves."
"No, I can do it," replies Ashley. "I like doing things myself."
Jimmy takes his hand down, says nothing. He can't remember the last time Ashley let him touch her for a long stretch of time. Even after they slept together, she'd roll over with a sweet smile, then fall asleep quickly. He thought he'd always been kind to her, helped pay for the car she wanted, watched her newscasts every chance he could, stayed up late when she didn't come home. So why did she act like he was a pariah? Maybe she felt guilty about something. But what?
"So Spinner's driving you guys to the school?" asks Jimmy, watching Ashley put some ham on the bread.
"Yep," says Ashley. "Then it's a two hour drive to get there."
"Who's going?" inquires Jimmy. "I hate the thought of you going there not knowing anyone."
"Umm...actually Paige said she'd go, and Darcy...she has a niece that's a dancer. So yeah, I'll know some people."
"Good."
Jimmy sees that Ashley's hand is shaking as she tries to reseal the mustard jar. Jimmy takes it from her and gets it on tight.
"There we go," says Jimmy. "Nice and secure."
He's surprised that Ashley leans down and kisses him then, but it takes a lot more faith to smile back at her than he was expecting.
II.
Ellie sits on a sleeping bag while Craig rolls it, then moves quickly when he gets to the top. She whips her hair out of her face, kneeling down next to him. Staring at his face, she can see bags under his eyes, but a glimmer of lightness in them. She has to admit that she was surprised that he'd volunteered for this performing arts camp, especially when he seemed intent on staying in Toronto and perfecting some songs a week ago.
"Bug spray," says Ellie, handing him a small bottle. "Mosquitoes like musicians."
Craig smiles a bit, but continues fastening the sleeping bag. Ellie shrugs, slipping it into his pack.
"You've been awfully quiet this week," says Ellie, trying to cram a compass into the front pocket.
"Just thinking of songs," replies Craig, sighing as the sleeping bag unfurls. "Okay, can you like do that again?"
Ellie hops back onto the sleeping bag while Craig rolls, muttering along the way.
"It was nice of Mickey to arrange this," says Ellie. "I mean, you don't get a chance to do stuff like the charity concert and this when you're going from awards show to tour gig to awards show to tour gig...and now you're recording."
"Surprised that you know my schedule," whispers Craig, then he yells "Success!"
The sleeping bag is indeed rolled and fastened, but Ellie doesn't congratulate him, instead crossing her arms and staring coldly at Craig.
"What's that supposed to mean?" says Ellie.
"What?" asks Craig, innocently.
"The little schedule remark you made just now."
"Well, come on, El, you...have this hectic job. I don't expect you to keep tabs on everything I do."
Ellie bites her lip. "Well, yeah...but I try to keep up. You can at least give me that."
Craig shoulders his pack, sleeping bag tied to it. His shadow covers Ellie. Ellie twirls her hair around her finger, and Craig kisses her on the cheek.
"Yeah, I didn't mean...well, you know what I mean, El," says Craig, a guilty grin on his face. "What matters is that we're there for the big stuff, right?"
"Yeah," says Ellie softly.
"So trust me. This camping thing...not a big deal. Thanks for the bug spray."
"Anytime."
Craig leaves the room. Ellie blows out a deep breath, then lays down on the carpet, eyes fixed to the ceiling. So she didn't go to those lame awards show where the annoying designer-dressed ladies would ask her who she was wearing? Nobody, so stuff it, lady, she'd have to reply. So she didn't go with him on tour. The company would sink without her. Alex, with her lack of experience, couldn't keep it afloat. No, just because she couldn't go didn't mean she didn't care, at least care enough to call Craig on the road and ask how it was going. This camp thing did come out of the blue, however, thinks Ellie. Did I miss that one? Well, he said it wasn't big.
The big stuff. Ellie guesses that includes being there for him the day Ashley married Jimmy, or the day, not long after that, that Craig found out that one of Mickey's associates had cleaned out Craig's account. He was broke, both in heart and pocket, and she stood by him through all the legal mess and the hard nights. She had to force him to keep up with his meds, even though he was going through an intense depression with or without them. She found him one night, walking the streets of Tokyo, numb, staring at himself in the mirror in a dirty bathroom of a bar.. Telling Marco that she wouldn't let him crumble was easier said and done. She went with him to a couple of his shows following the wedding. Normally, they'd be laughing at all the wild things they saw on the way into the city, the colorful spectacle, but Craig just put his head against the cushion of the taxi cab seat and sulked. The sulking was at its worst in this dingy bathroom.
"I'm sure your lawyers will figure it all out," said Ellie, helping Craig stand because he was more than a little intoxicated. "You'll be back in the loop before you know it."
Craig punched the mirror, blood seeping down his arm, through his shirt cuff. Glass splattered everywhere. Ellie stood there, thoughtless, backing away a little.
"This isn't about the money, Ellie!" shouted Craig, paying no attention to his bloody arm. "Ashley gave up on me, on us!"
"Craig, this isn't going to solve anything," says Ellie, fetching some paper towels.
"I can't stand him touching her every night. I don't even want him looking at her!" slurs Craig loudly. "I'm way better for her...and I thought she knew it. I want to kill him."
"No, you don't, Craig," whispers Ellie. "You're totally overreacting. You're just upset and confused. You need to calm down."
Craig pushed her away, which startled her. He was really getting violent. Craig found a pay phone, popped in three quarters, and started dialing. Ellie found him, tried to wrestle the phone away.
"Ashley," says Craig into the phone, a softer tone that made Ellie stop grabbing for the phone. "Pick up."
Ellie heard the trace of a dial tone, then tried to go for the phone again. Craig shoved her back.
"Craig!"shouted Ellie. "Give it to me."
"Pick up the phone, Ash!" slurred Craig into the receiver. "You stay out of this, El. You'll just take her side or Jimmy's side. No one knows how it feels."
"I do!" yelled Ellie, slamming the phone down. "You don't think you'll ever feel whole again. You don't dream anymore, at least not happy dreams. You just keep thinking about it. Don't you dare tell me I don't know how it feels."
Craig grabbed for the phone again. "I need to tell her I love her. What if she forgets me?"
"She won't forget. But she knows, and it didn't work," said Ellie, holding his hand back. "Please just give her some peace. Give yourself some peace."
A few tears fell down Craig's face and he sniffled. "I'm such a mess."
Ellie hated seeing him like that, clothes ruffled, barely able to breathe, to move. She put her lips to his, not really knowing why, maybe to cheer him up, to show that he wasn't alone.
"No, you're not," said Ellie, a bit relieved to see shock more than hurt on Craig's face. "I wouldn't kiss a mess."
Shock comes to Ellie's face as Craig returned the kiss. It was the first, the first that would start what was now.
The doorbell rings, causing Ellie to pay attention to the present. The present that by all accounts is still a mess. Ellie notes that Craig has already gone, opening the door for an enthused Alex.
"Okay, pull out the champagne or beer or scotch...whatever you two have," says Alex, scooching past Ellie and going into her kitchen.
"Um, hello Alex," says Ellie, closing the door. "And...uh, we've got wine."
"Man, you two are boring," says Alex, finding the wine and uncorking it.
"Why are you in my kitchen, pouring wine?" asks Ellie, getting out two glasses.
"Because Claremont said yes to Priya Gets Mutilated!" yells Alex, pretending to toast with an empty glass before pouring some wine in.
"What?" yells Ellie excitedly, letting Alex pour some into her glass. "No!"
"Yes!" shouts Alex even louder. "They're in love with it. They said they'd back a total PR campaign, and all we need to do is locate interested parties to advertise the film."
"Pour more, madam," advises Ellie, beaming. "This is a day for celebration!"
"I already printed out a list of stations for you to go to," says Alex. "WRJC, WJTV..."
Ellie looks down. "Well, you can cross WJTV right off that list."
"El, it's top-ranked and they're young. And they'd like the local artist angle. This isn't the most commercial film."
"Umm, it's Emma's station," says Ellie. "As in Emma Cameron, or Emma Nelson in professional circles."
Alex licks her lips. "Oh."
Ellie downs her wine, and starts to feel light-headed. Meeting Sean the other day just hammered it in that he was living another life without her, with Emma. There was the dog, Millington, this whole other business Sean had. Still, in a few moments, it felt like nothing had changed, that there was no one else.
"Hey, Alex, what if you...," began Ellie.
"There is no what if, Ellie," says Alex. "I gave the girl a black eye in high school. You and her never came to blows at least. El, we really need this."
Ellie nods. "Okay...fine. Let me get a pen to write down the information. I'll go later today."
She hunts in the kitchen for one first, then checks the top drawer of Craig's writing desk, finds a small key in the back. She shrugs and uses the key to open the bottom drawer. It's stuck so she pulls hard, harder than she intended. The drawer clatters to the floor, spilling out tons of pictures. Ellie falls, fumbles around. She's surrounded by images, images of them in Trafalgar Square, in St. James Park, right here in Toronto. Craig and Ashley. Everywhere.
"Yeah, Craig, I'll trust you, alright," mumbles Ellie, closing her eyes and shaking her head.
Collecting them all, she puts them in the drawer, locks it. I should've seen that coming, thinks Ellie. Too bad a heart isn't that easy to lock.
III.
A van speeds by Craig's car, beeping as it goes past him. Craig rubs his neck, knowing he should be going faster. He just has so much on his mind. He didn't mean to say that to Ellie. Well, not really. Truthfully, he is surprised that she keeps up with him. He knows he doesn't keep up with her film company as much as he should. He didn't even understand the other two movies that the studios had bought. And it really wasn't fair that he'd tried to track down all of Ashley's newscasts and hadn't finished reading the scripts Ellie would pass his way. Especially since being with Ellie the night of the wedding got him through.
It was a long car ride, longer than this one which was only slow because Craig was stalling to get to where he was meeting all the camp goers.
"What bar do you want to go?" asked Ellie, turning down a busy lane.
Craig had polished off the gin by then. "Any bar...all of them."
Ellie shook her head. "Well, that doesn't help me. We'll start at O' Riley's."
Craig downed shots at O' Riley's, Getterman's, the Blue Moose. Bartenders kept asking Ellie what was the problem. Craig's fans just stared, watching him drink He didn't care. Let them stare. They already knew his heart had been broken before if they listened to the album lyrics, and now they could see it firsthand. Ellie paced the room, finally getting concerned after the last bar trip.
"I'll take you home," said Ellie. "To Joey's."
"No, he's out of town, I think," said Craig, clutching his forehead in pain.
"Okay. Where do you want to go?" asked Ellie.
"Your place," answered Craig. "If that's okay."
Craig could read Ellie's face. She looked hesitant, but Craig knew she wouldn't say no. He wasn't going to try anything, just needed a place to crash. Craig climbed into the car, brushing past a few drunk girls trying to grab his butt. Ellie lowered the window so Craig could get some fresh air. The car stopped at a red light.
"El?" said Craig.
"Yeah?" said Ellie.
"Thanks for being such a good friend," said Craig, leaning in and kissing her.
Craig leaned back and fell asleep, Ellie crying over the steering wheel the last image he saw.
The school buses are in sight as Craig turns the car into the parking lot. He's still not sure why Ellie cried that night. He suspects it has something to do with Sean, that kissing someone else brought up some painful memories. But he knows a kiss doesn't often end in crying, that they should've been happy. If it doesn't end with smiling, it's something else. A pretend kiss? A pity kiss? Or yes, Craig thinks, getting his camping gear out of the car, a grasping kiss.
Ashley comes into focus immediately. She always did. Craig sees Ashley fumble with her flannel shirt, then shove her hands into her jeans. She peers from behind the bus as Craig comes up the walk. Leslie stares up at her, and Ashley smiles, smoothing out Leslie's high ponytail.
"Hey, the women of the hour!" calls Craig. "Are you guys ready for the great outdoors?"
"I know I am!" says Paige, standing in between Craig and Ashley.
Paige is dressed in a pink, velour sweatsuit, a pink backpack strapped to her back.
Craig's face falls, as Derek walks up to all of them, smiling happily.
"What is this? A Degrassi reunion?" says Derek.
"What are you doing here?" whispers Craig to Derek.
"Darcy," whispers Derek, leading Craig to the side, winking at him. "She told me about this thing and I graciously volunteered."
"She's married," whispers Craig.
"I've seen the way you look at Ashley...who has been married to Jimmy for like seven years."
"Five years," corrects Craig. "And we're friends, so it's different."
Derek smirks. "Yeah, okay. So I guess you wouldn't take up an offer to ride with her on the way down to the camp."
Craig pretends to check his watch. "Keep talking."
Derek pulls out a seating chart, showing who would be sitting where on the bus. He points to circles with the names Ashley and Leslie in the center of Bus A. Craig's on Bus B. Derek clears his throat.
"Slip me a five and you can be on Bus A in no time," says Derek. "There are benefits to being in charge of seating."
Craig slips him a five. "Not a word," he says.
Derek grins widely and starts making changes to the list. Craig brings his pack to where people are loading Bus A. He spies a pretty blonde-haired woman gliding towards him, holding the hands of two twin boys. The boys were dressed in the preppiest clothes he'd ever seen.
"Hello," says the blonde woman. "I just wanted to tell you that I have all your albums."
"Well, there's only two," says Craig, giving her a polite smile.
"But I heard you're recording another?"
"Yep. Should be done in about a year."
"My, that's an awfully long wait. This is Warren and Winston. Say hello, boys."
"You have weird hair," says the twin who Craig thinks is Warren.
"And bad fashion taste," adds Winston, looking disgustedly at Craig's red T-shirt.
"Boys!" chastises the woman. "Remember your manners. This is Craig Manning, the best rock star...well, ever. And I'm Casey."
"Thanks, Casey," says Craig.
Casey lets the hands of the two boys go, and they dart onto the bus, pushing each other on the way. Craig waits for Casey to go with them, but she isn't budging.
"It can get pretty cold in the woods," says Casey, rubbing Craig's shoulder. "If you want, I have hot chocolate in my thermos. Or I could warm you up another way."
"Ummm...," starts Craig, after taking a big gulp.
"Excuse me," says Ashley, standing beside Craig and frowning at Casey. "Craig, they're loading. So unless you want them to leave your stuff..."
"Yeah," says Craig, following Ashley to the back of the bus.
Craig hands his pack to a burly man, heaving bags into the back.
"So we're Bus A people," says Craig, hoping he doesn't sound too excited.
He and Ashley get on the bus, which is full of quiet five and six-year olds, with the exception of Winston and Warren, hitting one another and harassing a boy in front of them. He's grateful that a quiet Leslie is sitting by Aubrey, who is coloring. Craig looks around for two empty seats. They're just behind Warren and Winston. He sits and pats the seat next to him.
"You can sit next to me, buddy," says Craig. "We can catch up some more."
He's a bit relieved that he thinks Ashley winces at the word "buddy" for a second, but she quickly regains her composure.
"Or I could," says Paige, bumping Ashley to the side and sitting next to him. "You don't mind, Craig? We haven't really talked in forever."
Craig grits his teeth at Paige. "No...sure, go ahead."
Ashley glances at them for a bit, but then retreats to the back and sits by Ms. Park. Paige pounds Craig hard on the back.
"How you doing, Craig?" says Paige.
"Probably not as good as you, Paige," answers Craig. "I mean, you're practically glowing. Or is that sweat?"
Paige sticks her tongue out at him, crosses her legs.
"Why are you here?" asks Craig.
"To hang out with Ash," says Paige, opening her purse. "Want a granola bar?"
"No thanks," says Craig. "It's funny. When I think of the woods, Paige is the first name that pops into my brain."
"And when I think of the name Craig, trouble is the first word that pops into mine. In short, don't try anything."
Craig laughs. "And now we come to the truth. Hey, Winston, Warren."
The twins turn around, Winston's hand holding the hair of a crying girl in front of him.
"Do you know what a buffer is?" asks Craig, smiling at Paige.
"It prevents something from happening," replies Warren. "Why don't you get a dictionary and look it up next time?"
Craig raises his eyebrow at Paige.
"I'm not...I'm not a buffer," says Paige, tearing open a granola bar. "In order for something to happen, Ashley would have to be interested, which she isn't. I'm just here because I know you, and you're not going to force her to do anything. Jimmy and her are rock solid."
Craig nods. "Uh-huh."
"They are! I am not a buffer."
Craig slips on the headphones to his iPod, and presses play.
"Buffer," he whispers.
"Shut up!" exclaims Paige, though she's sure he can't hear her over the music.
He glances back at Ashley and waves, smiling at her. Ashley smiles shyly back, then turns back to talk to Ms. Park.
"I love camping," says Craig. "Don't you, Paige?"
Paige huffs, then bites hard into her granola bar.