I am so so so sorry for not updating in literal months! Ya gal's anxiety and depression kicked in as well as trying to do a drama degree in the middle of a pandemic but you e got a new chapter just in time for Christmas! Enjoy guys, gals and non-binary pals!
The doctor walked away from the BAU team leaving silence in her wake. The suited agents stood stock still and frozen, their faces gaunt against the pale blue hospital walls. Devastation hung heavy in the air.
Out of all the pain they had suffered, Spencer getting hurt always hit the team the hardest.
Reid's unwavering innocence provided them with the willpower to keep doing their job, it's rare for someone in their line of work to be able to experience the things they do and not become a different person because of it but Spencer had an innate ability to take it in his stride and grow, not change. He had new fears and nightmares and scars to add to his collection, sometimes he zoned out or had a distant look in his eye and things that used to scare him didn't hit as hard anymore but deep down inside, he was still the same Spencer. And they relied on him the most when a part of their small family was hurting; he'd always be at JJ's side when a case got too hard and or hit too close to home, he'd reel off facts or lighthearted scientific anecdotes when the jet was too quiet because he knew Derek and Hotch hated the silence, he'd talk about cars or play chess with Rossi if his mentor had a far away look in his eye, he'd get coffee with Emily or bring Garcia her favourite cupcake from the bakery that she loved 45 minutes away because he knew that's what they needed.
But that was just what Spencer did when his family needed him. Because he couldn't do anything without them so when they needed him, he would stop at nothing to help them like they would do for him.
The day after Reid was admitted to Parkland hospital, Garcia coerced Cruz into getting Reid moved to the Mary Washington Hospital back in Virginia, telling him that this way they could still do work in the office but could keep Reid under observation in his fragile state.
The team stood outside Spencer's room once he was settled into the new but sadly familiar hospital and listened to his new doctor updating them about his unchanged condition. She stopped listening to the doctors after they started their sentences with "While his condition hasn't changed…" when they updated the team each hour.
Penelope's hand slid around her arm and squeezed it lightly and she gave her a small smile but judging by the unshed tears hiding behind the red cat eye glasses it probably looked more like a desolate grimace.
JJ turned back to Spencer's room and wrapped her arms around herself, grasping the pendant of her necklace that Spencer had bought her a couple of years ago. After she found out the truth about her sister's necklace she couldn't wear it anymore so Reid had bought her a replacement and she never took it off. It was comforting but at the moment it just made her want to cry.
Spencer was hurt, comatose - maybe dying and all she could do was hold onto his necklace. She'd already had to go a year without her friends for a year when she worked abroad but she'd kept in contact with Spencer, sending letters or calling him at least once a week. The possibility of losing him terrified her, she wanted to take him and run.
But she couldn't.
After 4 days in the hospital, Reid's new doctor removed the drainage tube from his lung, the surgery having stopped the internal bleeding and fixing the hole in his chest. But 6 days later he still hadn't woken up.
And they all knew that was bad news for Reid thanks to one of the kid's ramblings during a case that after a week in a coma the chances of the patient waking up were slim.
FLASHBACK
One of their Unsubs had left a witness with a head injury and a subsequent coma. They were all hunched around the conference table in the small police department, coffee cups littering every surface and the bin to the left of Reid's chair was literally overflowing with coffee cups. The genius was hunched over the file and his messy brown hair was now unruly curls were tucked behind his ears by lightly trembling and nimble fingers when they fell in front of his eyes. Emily had tried to convince him to get a couple of hours of sleep when he hadn't slept for over 3 days but when a case involved kids, he often threw himself into research to catch the unsub - and this time was no different. So every 5 minutes he poured himself another cup of coffee and stood in front of the case board.
Several hours passed and their resident genius started squinting at the board and mumbling to himself. Dave was the first to notice and joined Reid in front of the board, leaning against the table.
"Hey kid," Reid didn't react. He gently clasped Spencer's shoulder and it made the younger man jump, he turned to Dave and gave him an absent minded smile before turning back to the facts of the case.
"Reid, what's going on up there?"
"I'm thinking about Amelia," he murmured.
"The little girl in the coma?" Dave questioned, "Is there something we missed about her?"
Spencer's brow wrinkled and he looked to the case board with a sad and almost pained look. His eyes dropped to his stained coffee cup and his fingers tightened reflexively around the mug.
"If a coma patient who had sustained brain damage didn't wake up after a week, their chances of waking up fall to 72%. If 2 weeks passed, their chances of regaining consciousness fall to 25%"
His shoulders dropped and he curled Inward and Dave had learnt that that was never a good sign. That meant that the kid was seriously upset and was closing himself off. Rossi shifted closer to Reid who leaned toward him slightly. The small movement from Spencer had drawn Hotch's attention and he sent Dave a pointed and worried look, his eyes darting towards Reid and narrowing when he was the younger agent resting his weight against his friends arm. He would've asked Dave out loud but there was no need to draw the team's attention to the kid when he knew that Spencer would hate it and subsequently close up. He'd worked with Reid for years and only seen him do that 4 times, his worry for Spencer shot miles high and he looked to Dave for answers.
Dave gave him a small nod and tight lipped smile before turning his attention back to the brilliant mind next to him as the younger man started talking, "She's just a little girl and there's nothing we can do to help her, I can't even catch the guy who did that to her. I've helped catch 317 serial killers and we've put 279 of them in jail. I should be able to catch this one!" he shit up from the table scrubbing his hand against his face then crossing his arms tightly against his chest. He could feel everyone's eyes on him and Dave's hand on his shoulder.
"Reid, we'll catch him, he's not-"
"How?" he shouted, whipping round to face Rossi. JJ gently pushed the door closed after the only officer near them sent an intrigued glance through the door.
"How can we find him? How?! We have no leads, no profile and a little girl in a coma because I couldn't do my job!" Reid's eyes were wide and filled with an emotion that a Hotch couldn't identify. He stood up and took a small step towards the kid who flinched like a wild animal trapped in a corner.
"Reid," he held his hands up placatingly, "You're not thinking clearly, you haven't slept in days-"
"68" Reid mumbled
"What?" Morgan whispered
"68" the kid said in a stronger voice, "I slept 68 hours ago" his hands trembled and his eyes found Hotch's shoes when he saw the look on Morgan's face.
Derek stood up quickly, grabbed his coat, Reid's bag and the kid's arm and dragged him out the door. The team's faces were varying degrees of shock and concern as they followed the two men out the door and heard the shouts and noises of their struggling genius,
"Derek! Let me go! Derek I swear to God let-"
"What?! What are you going to do Reid? Are you gonna hit me? Are you gonna stay up for another 68 hours and start hallucinating or go crazy? Are you gonna try and find the unsub yourself? Or are you just gonna run yourself into the ground and be useless to all of us?"
"I need to do my job Morgan! I've worked a lot longer on a lot less sleep before and nobody cared then so don't start now! Just let me do my damn job!" he shouted, backing away from Derek and his team before his friend grabbed his arm.
His grip was painfully tight on Reid's arm and Derek's face was murderous. "We cared then and we care now, you were just too wrapped up in your own damn mind to see it, Pretty Boy. We have always been here for you even if you chose not to see it"
He didn't give Spencer the opportunity to start talking again as he started to drag to him towards the exit.
"Don't you dare try and say we don't care when it's so damn obvious that we do. So what are you gonna do? Burnout and miss information that could save another kid? No, what you're gonna do is get in the damn car, go to the hotel, and get some damn sleep!" he yelled, pushing a now quiet Spencer into the familiar black SUV and slamming the door shut, sending Penelope a wink from the car before driving down the street and around the corner to their hotel. Leaving a gobsmacked team standing in the doorway of the police station.
END OF FLASHBACK
It was slowly killing the team, sitting by Spencer's bedside and watching him lay completely still. Never changing, for better or worse.
He was stable, after his heart rate dropped and they'd taken him off the antibiotics, but nothing happened. His brain waves were minimal and the doctor had assured them that Reid's brain activity was slightly more than what one would normally see in coma patients which was a good sign but it didn't feel like one to the team. Because Reid didn't wake up, no matter what they did.
They took shifts at the hospital and made sure that Reid was never alone. In case he woke up and one of them wasn't there. Hotch would take the early morning shift from 3:30 - 7:30, giving him enough time to get back and have breakfast with Jack before taking him to school. JJ took the next shift from 7:30 - 11:30, bringing Henry with her more often than not to give Will a reprieve and for the boy to see his godfather.Rossi claimed the 11:30 - 3:30 shift and he would sit quietly by Spencer's side, talking to him in a low, comforting voice about his day or how the team was doing.Emily sat with Spencer from 3:30 - 7:30, she would read Chaucer to him because Reid had told her once that his favourite memory with his mom was her reading to him and Chaucer was the only book in Reid's desk that wasn't a medical journal or in Latin.
Derek took the next shift and Penelope took the 11:30 - 3:30 shift but Penelope would turn up early and Derek would leave late, neither one of them wanting the other to be alone. Penelope would tell Derek about the studies she'd read that theorised that coma patients could hear, smell and feel whilst they were unconscious which helped in their recovery and most patients remembered what they'd experienced after they woke. Derek would regail her with stories of him and their boy genius, recounting the weird and wonderful things he'd managed to get the kid to do - and on occasion, some of Reid's brilliant moments that solved a case and saved a life that the doctor had never shared with her before.
Those 2 weeks were hard on everyone. Life outside the hospital was loud and fast and forever spinning but the second the team stepped foot inside the hospital doors, everything slowed down like a broken merry-go-round and Reid would've hated it. For someone as cautiously vibrant as Reid with his fantastic quirks and sometimes not-so-quiet brilliance, being completely still and nearly brain dead stripped him of everything that made him Spencer Reid.
After the first 3 days Garcia decided that Spencer wouldn't wake up to a bland room, he'd wake up to a loved one. She told Rossi she wanted to give the room "some serious pizzazz" when he came to her apartment with pasta and coffee after finding out she'd been at the hospital for 38 out of the 62 hours Reid had been in hospital for. She placed Doctor Who figurines on nearly every surface, Star Trek logos adorned the pots that held brightly coloured flowers from his friends and with the go-ahead from a nurse, she put a mismatched pair of socks on his feet. Switching them everyday became almost ritualistic for her, it stopped her from breaking down and it gave the team a little bit of joy when they saw the new pair each morning.
With the team spending every day at the hospital with the young doctor, Cruz gave them 2 weeks off and justified it as a traumatic event and that meant that the team needed time off to recuperate before their psychological evaluations. He admitted to the team that he had only ordered them as a way of giving them more time with Reid and would count it as one of their bi-annual psychological evaluations. He had been forced to ask them to give him the report on the case and how Spencer was shot within 3 days of Reid being admitted but he gave them more leeway than most would've and as JJ had told him, it had earned him major brownie points with the team.
Garcia had been tasked with calling his mom and telling her about Reid, it didn't go well and it ended with both sides of the call crying - one demanding to go and see her son, the other silently weeping for her friend whose mother was crumbling to pieces. Diana had wanted to fly out and see Spencer in the hospital but without Spencer's say so she couldn't travel anywhere. This had left the frantic mother calling Penelope once a week and asking her for update on her son which lead to the Reid's doctor giving her the exact same speech when she asked for them: "Your son is stable for now, we are monitoring his condition constantly, he isn't being given any pain medication at his request and the second something changes, you will be notified Ma'am." It soothed her and she would give Penelope orders on how to take care of Spencer for the rest of the call before calling him Crash and saying an absent minded goodbye.
Doctor Brauff, who they had an extensive background in after Garcia did some digging became a saving grace for the team during the first week of Reid's hospitalisation. She insisted they call her Anita and gave them as many updates as she could, telling them every medication that they put him on, what they did and how they could help him each day. Even Hotch was friendly with the doctor and they were all thankful for her understanding their little family and for giving them unrestricted visitation hours, something that nearly no doctor would do.
As 13 days passed, Spencer's room slowly filled up with colourful things at Garcia's request. Vibrant drawings and hand-made cards from Henry and Michael, flowers from his friends, figurines from Garcia and the occasional card from old colleagues.
Henry missed Spencer a lot, JJ had told him that his uncle Spencer was sick and that they couldn't see him on his and Mommy's days off for the next few weeks and the boy had cried for hours. He drew him 2 pictures a day and demanded to deliver them to the hospital with his mom even though he wasn't allowed to see him. He asked her everyday to give 'Uncle Spence' a hug and tell him that once he was okay again, they were going to go and see the magic show in the park and he was gonna show him the new magic tricks he'd learnt. Every day she smiled, kissed the top of his head, told him she would and wished that Spencer would wake up.
On the 14th day of Spencer's stay in hospital something changed.
Emily was almost 2 hours into her shift that she had taken over from JJ, another book of poetry that Reid had on a shelf in his library, it was barely touched and had a small inscription on a bookmark tucked away behind the front page that read:
Dear Spencer,
I found this on my bookcase and thought it might be more at home on yours. You told me once that your mom lost her copy before you had the chance to read it and I think it will be a good read. You'll have to tell me if it is.
J. Gideon
Emily knew he meant a lot to Spencer and the slight bend at the bottom of the book that was basically Spencer's signature told her that the book meant a lot to him too.
She was almost a third of the way through the book and her French, although she hadn't used it in a while, was still impeccable as she gracefully flowed through the verses quietly, reading more to herself than to Reid. She was about to finish the page when a new, and startlingly loud beeping interrupted the poetry. She dropped the book and stood up slamming the call button on the side of the bed and grabbing Reid's hand. She had just wrapped her fingers around his when she felt his hand squeeze hers lightly. She almost stopped breathing.
"Reid?"
He squeezed again, slightly harder.
"Reid? Can you hear me? Reid?" she wanted to jump for joy, scream and cry all at the same time. Spencer was waking up, he was waking up and he was squeezing her hand and she couldn't have been happier. Doctor Brauff ran through the door with a nurse at her side and stepped up to Spencer's bed, checking the monitors quickly before taking a pen light to Spencer's eyes. She pulled his eyelids back slightly to shine the light in them and stilled when they barely reacted, she tried again, calling out his name when his eyelids flickered under her careful touch. The doctor shoved the pen back in her breast pocket and pulled back the blanket that was draped over Reid, she balled it up and shoved it into the empty chair behind her. She pressed her hand to the bottom of his foot and shook her head with such a minute movement that Emily would've missed it had she not been trained on the Doctor. Brauff took his left hand before telling Emily to let go of his right and wrapped her hands around it tightly.
"Doctor Reid? Can you hear me?" She tapped his wrist lightly, "Doctor Reid, if you can hear me I need you to squeeze my hand" she squeezed his in the hopes that he would do the same in return but Emily's eyes were drawn away from the sight when she realised his right hand was reaching out towards Emily and squeezed sporadically, it reminded her of Henry when he wanted her to lift him up. She wanted so desperately to grab his hand and not let go but the look on Doctor Brauff's face made her stay still, standing numb next to Reid's bed.
"Doctor Reid! I need you to squeeze my hand if you-" his pale hand clenched tightly around her tanned one and Emily's heart jumped into her throat.
"That's it! Can you do it Doctor Reid?" his fingers shook slightly as his hand clenched around hers again. Brauff looked at Emily and gave a tight smile and a sharp nod l, this was a great sign, Spencer might be okay. Emily wanted to cry.
"That is brilliant, Spencer! You're doing amazing but I need you to open your eyes if you can. I need you to really try" His eyelids flickered and his outreached hand was still clenching but nothing else happened
"Come on Doctor Reid, I need you to open your eyes…"
"Doctor Reid?" she looked worried. Brauff tried to let go of Reid's hand but his stayed wrapped unwaveringly tight around hers.
"Doctor Reid, you can let go of my hand now"
His hand was getting paler by the second and didn't let go nor loosen his grip on the doctor. His other hand was still grabbing for Emily but it was faster than before. His tendons were strained and his hand was shaking. Brauff's face paled and she forced Emily out of the room, yelling for 2 nurses to help her. They ran into the room and Emily stood by the window, book in hand as she watched Spencer shake violently on the bed, his immobilised leg jerked viciously in its brace and lifted the whole thing off of the bed before landing with a resounding snap that made Emily flinch. Her shaking hands that mimicked Spencer's body came up to cover her mouth in shock and terror as Brauff yelled for a medication Emily couldn't name and pinned down Spencer's thigh, trying to stop the convulsions from injuring his leg even more. She tried to put pressure on the stitches in the kid's chest to keep his stitches from ripping but the blood in the bandages told Emily it was too late for that. The nurses tried to roll him into the recovery position but with his leg in traction they took most of the pillows and put them around his leg before injecting a syringe full of medicine into his IV.
4 minutes after his seizure started, Spencer's hands stopped clenching and he hit the bed with a resounding thud, his battered body strewn across the mattress heart-stoppingly still. The loud beeping that had first startled Emily was slowing down and Brauff sent the nurses out of the room after they rearranged the gangly genius on the bed.
Doctor Brauff picked up his chart and started writing on it quickly and took it out of the room, hurrying past Emily towards the nurses station, she talked to the woman behind the desk for seconds before jerking her head towards Spencer's room and then speeding down the hallway towards her office. Emily stood in front of Reid's room, her eyes glazed over and her eye line was on her unmoving friend but her eyes were blank and her breathing was stuttery. She went to reach for her phone but her hand fumbled against her pocket and she dropped the book she didn't realise she'd picked up.
The agent stared at the leather bound book on the floor. The cover had a small scuff on the corner and the pages were crumpled against the dull grey tiles of the hallway. Emily snatched to book from the floor and hurriedly flattened out the pale brown pages. Tears fell from her eyes as she tried to iron out the creases that littered the page, her breathing got harsher and faster until he felt hands guiding her into the chairs outside Spencer's room. She couldn't see anything but vague shapes and dulled colours when she hit the fake leather seat, her heavy breathing echoed in her ears and the sounds of the hospital felt like an assault on her senses. Someone tried to take the book from her hands and Emily wanted to scream at them, instead she kept an iron grip on the book and grabbed the wrist that was in her limited field of vision, twisting it around and pushing the shoulder of her offender until she had them subdued with their back infront of her. The physical exertion combined with the stress of seeing Reid seizing on a hospital bed had her panting and struggling to draw air into her lungs. She came to her senses when she recognised the tattoo decorating the arm she had restrained. She let go of her friend's wrist like it was on fire and stumbled over her words whilst trying to help him up.
"Oh my god! I'm so sorry I- don't know what I was doing! I didn't know it was you - I just saw hands coming at me and-" She was cut off by Derek "It's okay, don't worry about it. Just breathe Prentiss" he was gently cradling her hands but she didn't seem to realise he was even talking. "I was reading to Reid and then he just started shaking and the doctor kicked me out and I had his book and the pages are creased and I know that Reid hates creased pages and I…"
Her breath caught in her throat and it jolted her chest, the tears that balanced on her eyelashes were now tumbling down her cheeks and dripping onto the book in her hands, overwhelmed at seeing her friend seize so violently.
Derek eased the book out of her hands and wrapped her in a tight hug as she calmed herself down. They stayed like that for a short while, silent and overwhelmed. After Emily's hands had stopped shaking, a nurse came over with a packet of tissues and a sympathetic smile, Derek took them with a nod of thanks and handed them to Emily who used one to wipe away the tear arms that she left on the cover of the book. She let out a long breath and wiped the remnants of tears from her eyelashes. Derek kept his hand on her shoulder and dipped his head to catch her eye, "You okay now Princess?" he asked quietly.
She chuckled and punched him lightly in the shoulder, laughing out a "Yes" in response.
"Yeah, I'm okay. We need to find out what's going with Reid" silently berating herself for freaking out when her friend was lying comatose after a violent seizure with doctors swarmed around him.
Emily pushed herself up from the chair and grabbed Spencer's book. She walked towards the familiar room her friend lay unconscious in, waiting for Derek to be by her side before shifting her eyes between the doctors to see Spencer's comatose body.
He was worse than before. That was to be expected. He'd just had a grand mal seizure and Emily still hadn't forgotten the horrific snap that came from his leg before he stopped moving again. The pillows were still piled around his leg and both of the agents could see the dark purple bruising that was covering a large portion of his skin that wasn't hidden by the brace. Most people would say he looked like he was just sleeping but Emily and Derek knew better. The team knew better. They'd seen Reid when he was knocked out and when he was asleep, the two were vastly different. Derek often silently wished that would look just like he did when JJ had given him his Melatonin and Nyquil cold and flu solution and the kid had slept for just over a day.
He was as pale against the hospital sheets, if not sickly white. His unruly brown curls were splayed out against the cotton pillow case and not in what JJ called the "Spencer Reid flop" which was coined after the many times they'd fallen asleep in the jet and the kid woke up with his hair sticking up in every direction. Instead, it was limply ruffled against the pillow, tangled curls strewn every which way and one lone strand of hair was draped across his forehead. Derek would've made a Danny Zuko joke had the kid been awake. But he wasn't. So Derek stayed silent.
Emily couldn't look at Reid's battered and bruised form anymore so she stalked towards the nurse's desk, her mind clearly elsewhere when she waited for the nurse in duty to finish reeling off information to the person on the other end of the call. She was the nurse that Emily had first met in Reid's 3rd day in hospital, a younger woman with strawberry blonde hair, green eyes and freckles littered across her hands, neck and face.
She put the phone back in the holder and with a simple smile she looked up at Emily, "Hi, I'm sorry for the wait, how can I help you?" she pushed a stack of papers into a file and placed it in a metal tray to her right.
"Can you tell me anything about Spencer Reid? He's in room 317 and the doctors won't let us in or tell us what's going on" her grip on the book unconsciously tightened and the gold print on the front glinted in the artificial light. She ran her fingers over the indentations, 'La Chasse Spirituelle by Arthur Rimbaud'. The leather was familiar under her hands and it brought her a sense of calm.
"I'm sorry, I can't release any information unless you're his family." the nurse gave her a quick, sad smile.
"I'm with the FBI, he doesn't have any family that you can talk to. SSA Aaron Hotchner at Quantico is his emergency contact and told his nurse that in the case of an emergency and Agent Hotchner wasn't here, the hospital is allowed to tell the agent watching Doctor Reid about his condition." Emily pulled out the leather case of her FBI badge and flicked it open with ease, giving the nurse her best 'I'm-a-poor-sad-lonely-woman' eyes.
The nurse examined her badge and gave Emily a sympathetic or slightly scared smile. Emily couldn't tell which it was. She started typing away at the computer and soon after she looked back up at Emily
"Okay, give me one second" she babe them a quick smile walked over to one of the doctors who walked out of Spencer's room. They talked quietly and quickly before she hurried back to the desk
"So, they're assessing Doctor Reid right now so there's not much I can tell you but that nurse that just walked out of his room is going to call Agent Hotchner and get him to consent to sending your friend in for an X-ray and an MRI. Until the doctor comes back I can't let anyone into his room but as soon as she's available, she'll come down here and tell you more about his condition" she explained.
Emily thanked her and Derek gave her a nod before they turned back to the seats by Reid's room and stood in front of them trying to see Spencer amongst the scrubs and white coats.
They were silent for minutes before Derek spoke up "So if we can't go in and see him we'll stay out here" He stated, he looked at Spencer through the all too familiar window in the door and felt for his phone in his pocket.
"I gotta let the team know about the kid, you good here?" the look in his eyes translated clear as day in Emily's mind, 'don't let Reid out of your sight'.
She gave him a firm nod, "I'm good, go call Hotch, he'll probably be racing over here as we speak" he smirked at her and in turn she gave him a small chuckle.
Little did she know, her joke was far too accurate.
Hotch had just sat down on the worn brown sofa in his apartment, a light smile on his face as Jack yelled "Yes!" after being given free reign of the TV. The young boy ran over to the DVD collection and pulled out The Aristocats, looking to his dad for approval before pushing the disk into the DVD player and jumping up onto the cushion next to Hotch. He titled the large blue bowl towards Jack and let out a chuckle as his son took 2 handfuls of popcorn and placed them in the makeshift bowl he'd made in his shirt.
Hotch was eternally grateful for Jack, he was all he'd ever wanted in a kid and more. Even though he'd lost his mom he was still incredibly kind, he never blamed Hotch for not being there all the time thanks to the the BAU and instead thought of him as hero, which Aaron was reminded of every time he sat down at his desk and saw the framed photo of him holding Jack in a tiny grey suit and red tie on his hip from Halloween a couple of years ago.
Lightning McQueen was having a strange makeover montage when Hotch's phone rang, he shifted the bowl onto Jack's lap and slid off the couch to grab his mobile, Jack went to pause the movie but Hotch put a hand on the remote first, "It's okay buddy, you keep watching the movie, I'll be back in a sec" he ruffled his sons hair as he walked behind the couch and towards his office, shutting the door before answering the call.
"This is Hotchner,"
"Hello Mr Hotchner, I'm calling from the Mary Washington hospital regarding Doctor Spencer Reid. We need you to come in immediately due to a change in his condition."
Hotch could've sworn his heart stopped.
"What happened?" he asked, his voice was so quiet - even to himself - that he wasn't sure the woman on the other end of the phone had heard him. Spencer was a kid, a lanky, 30-something, seriously damaged kid, but a kid all the same and Hotch had looked after him for years.
"Doctor Reid just had a grand mal seizure and is being taken for an X-ray and an MRI but we need you to authorise the scans as his emergency contact."
Hotch thought an invisible rope had been tied around his neck like a noose and was being pulled impossibly tighter. His heart was in his stomach and his hands were gripping his phone so tight he thought it might shatter. Spencer was getting worse.
"Agent Hotchner?" a tinny voice echoed, "Agent Hotchner, I know this is a lot of information but we need you to come to the hospital and give us permission"
He couldn't breathe.
"I think he'd want the scans" Hotch's voice answered, but Hotch couldn't even think straight let alone answer someone else. "I'm on my way, can you wait for me to see him before you take him once I'm there? " he needed to see Spencer.
"Unfortunately not, the nurses are taking him down for the X-ray as soon as you say yes but they only take 20 minutes, so we can have someone take you to him before he goes for his MRI if you'd like?"
Hotch nodded and screwed his eyes shut, breathing harshly he muttered, "I'll be there in 15" down the phone and ended the call before the nurse could reply.
He thought it couldn't get much worse. Reid couldn't take much worse.
He heard the sock-muted footsteps of Jack coming towards him and he mustered a small smile for his son as he trotted into the kitchen. "Hey buddy," he spoke easily, "what's up?"
"Are you okay Daddy?" he asked, his inquisitive little blue eyes gleaming up at his father, looking at the worry that rimmed his eyes.
"I'm good, little man, but I'm gonna have to pause movie night tonight. You remember Spencer?" the little boy nodded, his face solemn and his hands wrapped up in his t-shirt.
"I drew him a card with my colours from Aunt Jessica"he said with a small but very proud smile and it warmed Aaron's heart.
"That's right buddy, well Spencer is still sick and I have to go to the hospital and make sure he's okay so he can wake up and see your card. But I'm gonna see if Henry and his mom can come over and you guys can keep watching the movie. Then once I'm back we can have pizza for dinner!" he said with a smile as Jack's eyes lit up. His cheeky grin took over his face and he nodded eagerly, hugging his dad's leg before running back to the couch to continue watching the movie.
Hotch took a deep breath and dialed JJ's number, scrabbling to find his wallet and keys as he told her about the situation. She quickly agreed to coming over, telling him she'd be 20 minutes with Henry and Michael and that she would happily watch them for the night. He gave her a short but earnest thank you before he ended the call and made his way into his bedroom to put on his shoes.
He walked into the bedroom and shut the door, leaning back against it, his shoulders taught and his body on edge. He needed to calm down, being too emotional wouldn't help anyone right now. He steadied himself and pushed off of the door, pulling on his sneakers that he only wore on his days off and lacing them up tightly before rejoining his son. Hotch placed a delicate kiss on the fine blonde locks and fondly watched his son shout at the animated cars racing on the screen.
A short, sharp series of knocks echoed through the apartment and he hurried to the door, and opened it with a tense smile to see JJ with Michael on her hip and Henry eager to see his friend by her side. She walked in with a worried smile and gave him a reassuring nod before he ran out the door, muttering a stressed "Thank you, I'll be back as soon as possible" over his shoulder.
He ran down the stairs to his car, too anxious to wait for the elevator and threw himself into the driver's seat, starting the car with almost shaky hands and peeling off down the street.
Hotch couldn't tell you what he was thinking on the drive to the hospital, he couldn't tell anyone what had been playing on the radio or how many green lights he drove through. He couldn't remember a damn thing until he ran into the doctor standing in front of Reid's room, holding a chart and scribbling notes down furiously and the look of shock in the doctor's face when he realised he was standing there.
"Oh, sir! Sorry, I was writing…" he apologised profusely, pushing the chart closed and he looked at Aaron's face and stopped his ramble. Fidgeting with the pen in his grasp, he asked "Can I help you?"
Hotch replied with a stoic voice, "I need to talk to Doctor Brauff, I'm the emergency contact for a patient and I need to consent to some scans." He was quite proud of how he was controlling his face, his heart was hammering at a million miles a minute and he felt that if there was one more bad thing that happened to Reid he would burst at the seams and fall into pieces. They were both pushed to their limits, on the precipice of breaking.
The doctor was talking to him but he really didn't register a thing he was saying, a clipboard was pushed into his hands and he felt his head nodding, his hands shaking. The doctor was looking at him with a mildly concerned expression and Hotch zoned back in to hear him say "Sir? Do you give your consent? We need to move him as soon as possible and we can't until you say yes"
Hotch nodded and cleared his throat before he could talk, "You have my consent, can I see him? Before he's moved?"
The doctor shook his head and Hotch seriously considered punching him. "I'm sorry we have to take him right away, the seizure could have done some serious damage to his leg and brain, but if you want you can come in the room with us before we take him down to X-ray?"
Hotch nodded his thanks and followed the doctor into the all too familiar room where Spencer lay lax on the hospital bed, gangly limbs being moved back against his sides as 3 interns prepared him for his scans. His face was pale - paler than before - and his right cheek was damp with a matching dampness on the pillow, evidence of the harshness of his seizure. The brave in his leg was being righted by one of the junior doctors and the purple bruising that had started to diminish was back with all its horrific vibrancy.
Someone grasped his shoulder and tugged him against the wall as Reid was wheeled out of the room and Hotch didn't fight it. He watched as Spencer disappeared through the double doors and around the corner.
He couldn't take much more of this.
Hotch shook himself back to reality and looked to the person who'd pulled him out of the way, their dark hand still resting on his shoulder.
Derek's face was drawn into a grim look of concentration, his eyes tightly fixed to Hotch's face as he watched Hotch ground himself. He and Emily looked around their boss at each other, a silent conversation taking place through facial movements that - to an outsider, would look strange and thoroughly entertaining; after a while, Derek let out a heavy sigh.
The agents each grasped a dark-clothed elbow and led their friend to the chairs dotted around the empty space where Spencer used to lay. The silence was painful. The air was too heavy for words. They all felt it, the oppressive heaviness that was all around them, it was wrapping itself around their necks, shoving its dark shadows down their throats and tightening around their hearts. Spencer was special, unique beyond words. His light, that was impossibly hard to extinguish, had kept then running as a team for so many years and this - being in the hospital, overrun with seizures, medication and pain - was slowly but surely dimming that light. Without it, time felt slow and painful to trudge through, which was why the past 2 weeks had been so hard.
They sat in contemplation for a while, Emily flitted between constantly checking her watch and watching the door Spencer kept on disappearing behind, his book clutched tightly in her hands. Derek stared emptily into the space where Reid's bed used to be and Hotch hunched over, elbows resting in his knees, hands clasped under his chin, just like Gideon used to when everything was going wrong. Emily could tell you that they waited an hour and 23 minutes before Spencer was wheeled back through those doors. They shut so loudly that it made her flinch and almost drop the book.
All three agents stood up in unison, not on purpose, but the thought of seeing Reid brought them all to their feet. The aged wheels clacked as they rolled over the metal rail in the floor of the doorway and all three of them thought about ripping the nurses out of the way to see him. With a nurse at each end of the bed the team had a clear view of Spencer once he was in the room and the second they saw his face, a small joint sigh of relief gently echoed through the room.
He still looked as bad as he had before he was wheeled away, Hotch had this weird niggling glimmer of hope in the back of his mind that when they wheeled Reid back in, he would magically look better. He'd maybe look healthier, like he hadn't been shot and seized and fucked up his leg. Hotch decided the second Reid was pushed through that door that this was all fucked, Reid was an incredibly smart kid stuck in a lanky adult's body and he didn't deserve this.
Emily, Derek and Hotch were transfixed on Reid while the nurses babbled away, they picked up on the odd reassuring sentence and the 'We're optimistic..' that was spouted every time they thought he was getting better but the trio couldn't care less.
Spencer was theirs to protect and although they'd never said that out loud, it was an unwritten rule in their tight-knit group. And they just wanted to sit there with him, without doctors or nurses. They just wanted to sit there and be with him until he opened his eyes again. They just had to wait.