XV. You Can't Hurry Love

I need love, love
To ease my mind
I need to find, find someone to call mine
But mama said

You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take

You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
You got to trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes

But how many heartaches
Must I stand before I find a love
To let me live again
Right now the only thing
That keeps me hangin' on
When I feel my strength, yeah
It's almost gone
I remember mama said:

You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take

How long must I wait
How much more can I take
Before loneliness will cause my heart
Heart to break?

No I can't bear to live my life alone
I grow impatient for a love to call my own
But when I feel that I, I can't go on
These precious words keeps me hangin' on
I remember mama said:

You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take

You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes

No, love, love, don't come easy
But I keep on waiting
Anticipating for that soft voice
To talk to me at night
For some tender arms
To hold me tight
I keep waiting
I keep on waiting
But it ain't easy
It ain't easy
But mama said:

You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said to trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes

You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take

Ashley spots some signs for a music festival as she drags her rolling suitcase to a bench, cool night air blowing on her face. A packed bus revs up its engine in front of her, and she takes a seat, clutching her purse to her chest. Her heart beats against it as she unzips her purse, fetches her bottle of pills. She reads the label. Tricyclin. The doctor had given her these as a last resort, cautioned her to use them wisely, said they were okay, that a lot of white collar workers used them. Temptation to take a few, more than she should, enters her mind.

She shakes the bottle, looking at the bus, and an image of a sleeping Leslie comes into her mind. She didn't want to leave her, pay Lisa that extra ten bucks to stay the night and watch over her daughter. She wanted to be the one doing that, but she couldn't lie there in bed with Jimmy, let him think that not agreeing to a divorce was okay. Was he enjoying the fact that they barely kissed, were barely affectionate? Or the fact that they were growing more and more distant? What was he holding on to? The answer, she knows, is hope. Ashley holds her purse tighter. Hope can only do so much, Jimmy, she thinks. But maybe that applies to her too.

The driver opens the bus, peers out at her.

"Going, miss?" he asks.

Her first instinct had been to go, anywhere, just to clear her mind. She wouldn't have to face anyone on the stretches of road, but she knew sooner or later, she'd have to face the most important person, herself. Never mind that they'd all be worried about her.

"No," she replies.

"We're the last bus tonight," he says. "You sure?"

Ashley nods. "Yeah, I'm sure."

The door of the bus closes and it speeds away, leaving Ashley alone in the lot, a streetlight shining down on her. At first, it felt good to be alone, but now Ashley shivers, shaking in the dark. She hears shoes clomping against the pavement, but can't see the figure advancing towards her. Grabbing her pepper spray, she curls it in her fist.

"Ashley Kerwin, right?" says the figure, stepping into the glow of the streetlight.

Ashley puts the spray back into her purse, then the bottle of pills. Jay Hogart stood before her in a bus driver's uniform, his medium-length brown hair touching the collar. She'd seen him at Spinner's house a couple times, throwing back beer, watching games with him. She's a little wary, but not so much that she feels her life is threatened.

"Hi," says Ashley.

Jay looks around, confused. "Are you...coming or going?"

"Don't know really," replies Ashley. "I just needed to get out of the house."

"Oh," says Jay. "Well, do you need a ride? Is someone picking you up?"

"No," says Ashley. "I don't think I can talk to anyone anyway."

Jay takes a seat beside her, shoving his hands into his pants. Ashley moves to the side, acting like she's making room for him, but really trying not to be too close to him. Still, he could've done something already if he really wanted to.

"What if I talked to them for you?" asks Jay. "You don't have to tell me the particulars. I'll just tell them to come get you. You really shouldn't be out here at night on the streets of Toronto, looking all fresh and pretty."

Ashley smiles at him. Well, if Spinner likes him, maybe he's not too bad, she thinks, dialing a number. Jay grins back at her, puts the phone to his mouth. He tells the person on the other end where Ashley is, gives them a few directions, clicks the phone off, and hands it to her.

"Thanks, Jay," says Ashley, feeling more relaxed.

"Yeah, well, whatever," replies Jay. "I'll stay til he comes."

"Why...why are you being so nice?"

"I've got nowhere special to go," says Jay, shrugging. "You seem out of it. You're Spin's friend. And well, you're hot. Have a weakness for hot, lost dark-haired girls. You know, I'm not that bad a guy."

"No," says Ashley, grinning at him. "You're not."

II.

Craig parks the car in the bus lot, the headlights of his car illuminating Ashley. He sees her talking with a guy, and his stomach practically does somersaults. Slipping out of the car, he walks briskly to them, putting on a forced smile.

"Hey, thanks, I can take it from here," he says to Jay, casting Ashley a quick look. "I'm sure you have somewhere else to be."

"Chill out, Craigster," says Jay. "Musicians sure are moody."

Jay chuckles to himself, waves bye to Ashley, and disappears into the bus station. Ashley looks up at him, then down at her suitcase.

"Going to the music festival?" jokes Craig, half-heartedly.

Tears start to fall down her face, and Craig sits by her, hugging her from the side.

"Hey, what's wrong?" says Craig, kissing her forehead. "It's okay."

"No, it's not," whispers Ashley. "You should've seen Jimmy's face, Craig. Like I stabbed him in the heart a thousand times."

"He knows?" says Craig, his eyes widening. "Ash, wow, honestly, I didn't think you'd tell him so quick, but..."

Ashley shakes her head. "He saw the bracelet, and he knew. I was going to wait, but there was so much guilt. I couldn't...couldn't hold it in."

Craig pictures Jimmy defeated, depressed. To his surprise, it didn't please him at all. He had really hoped that Jimmy would see things clearly, but maybe that was too much to ask, just like Marco said.

"That means we can be together now," says Craig, stroking her arm. "I didn't want to hurt Jimmy either, but he'll see. After you guys get divorced, he'll meet someone and get on with his life."

Ashley slips out of Craig's arms. "Craig, he didn't...he didn't agree to the divorce."

Craig lets his arms fall, no feeling in them. Ashley rises from the bench, stares out at the empty bus lot, leaving her suitcase behind. Craig trails her, focuses on her eyes.

"A selfish fantasy...that's what he called us," says Ashley, wiping her left eyes with her sleeve.

"We're not selfish," says Craig. "I'm so sick of hearing that word. We just want each other. You've bent over backwards to stand by him, you sacrificed time with me, your singing...what more does he want? He's the selfish little..."

"Craig, stop!" interrupts Ashley, her voice echoing in the emptiness.

"Sorry," says Craig softly. "But we need to fight him, Ash. Every time something stands in our way, we've beaten it, and I don't see why this has to be different. I know it's going to be hard, harder than anything we've faced, but I love you too much to throw in the towel."

Ashley kisses him lightly on the lips, hugs him closely to her.

"You said you'd wait," whispers Ashley. "I can talk to him, convince him. I just need a little more time."

Craig sighs, looks at his car. How much time would it take this time? He blinks furiously, stroking Ashley's back. He wouldn't follow Jimmy's time, let him control everything, cost him more time with her. He pulls out his keys, eager to change the subject.

"Where do you want to go?" he asks, though he can tell Ashley wanted him to say something different.

"Where are you staying?"

"Marco's, but only for tonight. He definitely doesn't want me there. I broke up with El. She found out about the trip."

A pained look covers Ashley's face, and Craig knows she's thinking about Ellie the same way he thought about Jimmy. The thought of a depressed Ellie stung him as well, but he wanted to solve this problem first.

"Anywhere you can stay?" he asks.

"Um...maybe Mom's," says Ashley. "It's not too far from here."

Craig nods, opens the car door as Ashley retrieves her suitcase. They drive in silence, Ashley settling her head against the seat, starting to nod off. As his car moves, Craig notices that he seems to be hitting every red light, like something is telling him to stop. The red matches his mood, and as he finally drives right through a welcome green light, he thinks, I won't stop, let her go, not this time.

There's only one light on as Craig and Ashley approach her childhood home, signaling that someone is indeed up at midnight. Ashley drags her suitcase to the entrance, rings the doorbell tentatively, fixing her hair. Craig grins at her, smoothing down a lock of hair that stuck up due to the car seat.

The door opens, with Kate Kerwin blinking her eyes in alarm.

"Hey, Mom," says Ashley, as Craig takes his hands away from her quickly.

"Hey, Kate," greets Craig, then catching himself. "Um, Ms. Kerwin."

Kate Kerwin frowns at Craig, but then gives Ashley a sympathetic look. She lets them come in, with Jeff straggling into a room, scratching his belly.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" asks Kate, glancing at her suitcase.

Ashley darts her eyes, but settles them on her mother. "I just need a place to stay."

Kate looks at Craig quizzically, sighs. "Jeff, fix up the guest room for Ash?"

Jeff nods, hugs Ashley for a few seconds, pats Craig on the back. Ashley kisses her mother on the cheek, follows Jeff with her suitcase. Craig makes a move to go with her, but Kate halts him, shows him to the couch. Craig takes a seat, glances nervously at a picture of Toby with his arm around a tall, beautiful model, smiling happy. Craig wishes he felt that glad to be here, but nope. He smiles weakly at Kate.

"So how's Toby?" he asks.

"I think the more important question is how is my daughter?" says Kate. "And what are you doing here?"

Craig opens his mouth to speak, but Kate continues.

"Whatever is going on, you have to know something, Craig. Something I don't think you or Ashley are getting a full grasp of. Jimmy has been supporting her for five years, always remained faithful to her, never cheated on her, never left her. Obviously, you know your history with her is quite different."

Craig swallows a lump in his throat. Kate sits on the arm of the couch, glaring at him.

"So excuse me if I'm backing Jimmy up one hundred percent. He's good for her, keeps her grounded. That's the problem with you two. It's so scattershot, random, hence her very eventful wedding day. She may feel things for you, but he's the father of her child, a really gifted child."

"Leslie's great, and I would never...," begins Craig.

"You'd never what, Craig? Complicate her life? Because that's what you're doing now, I'm pretty sure. Goodness knows you've done it how many times with Ashley."

Craig stands. "Listen, Ms. Kerwin, I'm in love with your daughter, and yeah, it's complicated, but I'm not going to avoid it anymore."

"So you're here for the long run?" says Kate, also standing.

"Yeah, I am."

"I'll believe it when I see it, Craig. You may think you have nothing to prove, that it's easy, but you're wrong. You have everything to prove."

Kate exits the room, Craig slumping on the couch again. He can feel sweat on every part of his body. Ashley comes in, a robe covering a nightgown. She tilts his head to her, kisses him, and thoughts float out of his mind. At least for that moment.

"Call me tomorrow?" she says.

"Yeah, of course," says Craig, kissing her back.

"Maybe by then, I'll work up the nerve to talk to Jimmy."

Craig bites his lip. Kate said he had to prove himself, to be there for Ashley, and he knows just where to start.

"I gotta go," says Craig, rising quickly, heading for the door. "Tell your parents bye for me."

Ashley stares after him, confused. "Where are you going?"

"Just...it'll be okay. Love you," says Craig, rushing back for one more kiss.

Craig closes the door behind him, starts speeding towards Marco. Once he gets to the apartment, dials Spin's number, listening to a groggy Spinner moan into the phone.

"Hello, this is Mason's Bar and Grill. Would you like some scalloped potatoes with your pork loin?" he moans.

"Hey, Spin," says Craig, cheerfully.

"Ugh, Craig," says Spinner. "It's almost two and I hate you. What do you want?"

"Hate me later," says Craig. "I need Jimmy's address. I need to see him."

A summer breeze wafts through the grass as Leslie hula hoops in the front yard, her hips swaying to a rhythm she's humming. Craig watches her for a bit, standing on the other side of the road, his stomach turning. He couldn't get Kate's words out of his head. Was he really complicating her life? He really liked her, and didn't want that to be the case at all. He walks towards her, waving when her eyes meet his.

"Craig!" she calls, bouncing happily up to him. "You're here!"

"Hi, Leslie," he says. "What're you doing?"

"Hula hooping," replies Leslie. "It helps me keep time. It's like a metronome. You know what those are? It's okay if you don't. I don't think Daddy knew when I first said the word."

Craig smiles. "Yeah, I know what it is."

"And I wrote lyrics, too. Three songs!"

"Wow, that's great. You're a hard worker. I'll look at them next time."

Leslie beams. "Are you hear to see my mom? I'm not sure where she is. She's not here. Lisa's still here. It's weird."

"Well, actually...," starts Craig.

He's interrupted by the creak of a door opening. Jimmy comes out, his wheels gliding down the ramp, stands defensively by Leslie.

"Get away from my daughter!" exclaims Jimmy, causing Leslie to shrink back from Craig.

"Jimmy, cool it," says Craig, staring him down.

"What's wrong?" says Leslie. "He's nice, Daddy."

"Get in the house, Les," orders Jimmy, angrily. "Now!"

Leslie gives Craig one last sorrowful look, then runs into the house, closing the door behind her. Craig clears his throat, while Jimmy spits out at his feet.

"I'm here, because...," says Craig.

"It's not enough that you steal my wife," interrupts Jimmy. "You try and worm your way into my daughter's life too?"

The heat rises in Craig's face. He'd wanted to calmly discuss it, but no, forget it.

"I don't have to steal her," he says softly.

"That's what you want to believe, Craig. You and your demented mind that can't leave well enough alone."

"You guys don't seem well to me," remarks Craig, coldly.

"We're better than you guys were. You see, sooner or later, you're going to slip up, like you usually do, and Ashley'll be with me. You came back into her life, Ash got all excited, fine. But she's married to me. We're in it for the long run, or else she wouldn't have put this ring on my finger. You've got nothing on me, Craig."

Jimmy holds up his hand, his gold wedding band shining in the sunlight.

Craig smirks. "Yeah, that's why you hung up all those times I called when you and Ash were living together."

"I'm going to let an ex-boyfriend call my live-in girlfriend? Yeah, that makes sense."

"Why don't you just let her go, Jimmy? Or maybe I'm just giving you too much credit."

"Like you let Ellie go? I guess she was your little back-up, huh? You don't care who you hurt, do you?"

"Jimmy, just shut up," says Craig, gritting his teeth.

"I'm just getting warmed up, Craig. We haven't seen each other in five years, and you know, I have a lot to say. I'm feeling pretty talkative today. You came here to talk, right? Be all noble and try to work things out?"

Craig's body grows warmer and warmer, and he tries to find any resolve that's there, to just let Jimmy vent.

"You're not the hero, Craig," says Jimmy. "You're purposefully ruining my marriage and there's no way I'm letting you and your ego screw up my life. If you were a real man, you'd step gracefully aside, accept it, but apparently you're not. I bet you Ash asked for more time, right? Want to take a guess what that means?"

Craig shakes his head, which starts to ache. "Shut up. She said she wants a divorce."

"But she's stalling?"

Craig wipes his brow, says nothing.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," says Jimmy, aware that Craig's getting more nervous. "She asked for time, and you can't give it to her. She loves me, Craig, and for you to expect it to be some walk in the park, you're deluded."

"Deluded?" says Craig, giving him a pointed look. "I thought that was you."

He says nothing else, leaving Jimmy with a stunned expression on his face. Hopping into his car, he goes down a few blocks, then pulls over. He slams the steering wheel with his hand, feeling the heat of it, the pain flowing through his hand. So many voices whisper in his ear. Ellie, Kate, Jimmy. Jimmy was wrong. Ash would do it, ask for the divorce, let them live. He lays his head against the steering wheel, lets a couple tears fall, wipes them away, and drives .