Here we are again! Ready for the new chapter. I'm even more excited than the last chapter for this is the moment we've been waiting for. I hope it's a good read!
Chapter 22
It was like nothing she had ever felt. Different from all other times she had connected with another person's mind. Even with the Doctor's. It was . . . The only way she could describe it, it was the universe. It sang to her, calling to her and she replied in turn. It was as if she were floating as she barely felt anything around her. She barely even felt her own body as golden light streamed around her. It was as though she had no body at all, even if she knew this was not the case. There was still a body. She had to have a body to live. For she was alive now. She was so alive. They shared their body, working together in harmony as they piloted the TARDIS. They did not even have to walk around the console, all they had to do was lift their hands and the ship obeyed. Their minds together as one. Her mind . . . Everything was like a vast expanse. She could see so much. There were so many and yet so few. There was an explosion of knowledge there within her grasp, making her understand everything that could be, should be, and would be. The network of all time and space and she saw it all. All thanks to her. For that was her gift for bringing her to life. All she wanted to do was live and in return she gave Madison everything there was to give. The Siren gave her everything.
Madison stood there, surrounded by the light as the TARDIS shifted, shaking in flight as they travelled through the Time Vortex. She soon felt the ship landing and the lifeforms just outside the TARDIS. She felt the bitterness of the year on her tongue and the smell of the wrath, hatred, and sadness. The golden light wisped around her as together she and Siren thought to go step outside. They never even felt their body moving as the light carried them and the doors opened. The moment they set foot outside of the ship, they could feel the pounding hearts of all those around them. The timelines converging. The despair of it all. They stared out into the room of the game station, seeing the Doctor there along with a large group of Daleks surrounding him. She saw the atoms that made their bodies up, making their forms jumbled, forming back and forth between scattered pieces or a solid mass. The flow of time and space around each of them, like webbing from a spider's silk. The infinite branches of choices each one of them could be made or had made. She wanted to get closer to the Doctor so the Siren had their light whisk them to her Time Lord. They watched as the Doctor fell down to his knees in shock, almost cowering before them. Madison did not like this. She didn't want him afraid. She was here to help him. They were here to save him.
"What have you done?" he asked her, alarmed by the very sight of her.
"I looked into the TARDIS. I heard the song and saw the light and I let it look into me," Madison told him. She listened to her voice, hearing the mix between her and the Siren speaking together. It had a gentle, echoing effect that she hoped did not frighten the Doctor.
"You looked into the Time Vortex," the Doctor explained to her urgently, appearing horrified now. "Madison, no one's meant to see that."
"This is the Abomination!" she heard a booming Dalek's voice speak in outrage. She glanced up, seeing the Daleks staring at her and the Emperor's image on a large screen.
"Exterminate!" cried the Daleks. She saw the laser beam from one Dalek come towards her. The Siren acted fast, lifting their hand and catching the light from the beam. Together they reversed the particles of time that made up the beam and forced it back into the Dalek, to have never been shot in the first place. Having dealt with that, they looked back at the Doctor, seeing his wide-eyed expression as he gazed at them.
"I am the Siren. I create myself," explained the Siren to him, her voice ethereal as she spoke. They looked up together, seeing the Siren Corporation on the wall above. "I take the words," they lifted their hand, seeing the branching of time and sent the words on their way, the letters shifting, lifting off the wall and floating away into nothing, "I scatter them in time and space. A message to lead myself here."
"Madison, you've got to stop this! You've got to stop this now!" she heard the Doctor pleading to her, though his voice was starting to sound distant to her. It was their mind, trying to focus still on scattering the words, scattering the pieces of herself, to all the places that they were needed. So she concentrated and together they focused on the current Doctor once more. She gazed down at him, feeling her heart swell by merely staring at him. Her adoration for him filled her, keeping her knowing what she must do for him. For him always. The Siren was not sure about this but seemed to want to do as she wished, so they agreed together then that his life was important to them both.
"You've got the entire Vortex running through your head. You're gonna burn!" the Doctor continued desperately.
Madison smiled at him. "I know. And that's okay. You're alive. That's all that matters." The Siren began speaking through her. "We want you safe. You must live. Your time must not end here." Madison spoke once more as she reached down and cupped his face in her hands. His atoms shifted with her touch, mingling around with her own in an embrace, their timelines intertwining. "I can keep you safe. My Doctor. I love you. I will always love you." Seeing his gaze of awe upon her, she slowly let go of his face and straightened as both she and the Siren spoke. "We will protect you from the false god."
"You cannot harm me! I am immortal!" the Emperor declared. Staring at the Emperor and his Daleks, they felt pity for the race. Warped by years of isolation. Corrupted by hatred and war. The Daleks, once human, now turned into killing machines. The Emperor, forced to always be one from the moment he was born. This was no life. This was no path to live. Yet their pity did not keep them from knowing what must be done. The Daleks were a threat to everything and would not stop for anything. Their darkness would corrupt everything and put an end to the light of life. Therefore, they had no choice but to put an end to it all.
"We are sorry. You leave us no choice. Be at peace and know that your atoms will not go to waste. They will create new life elsewhere to make up for the lives you have taken here today," they spoke together, raising their hand toward the Emperor and his Daleks. Acting as one, they divided the Daleks' atoms, spreading the microparticles throughout time and space. They watched as the Daleks around them, armour and all, turned into dust that scattered throughout the room.
"I will not die!" shouted the Emperor. "I cannot die!"
They raised their hand higher, making more of the Daleks scatter into the winds of time. "Everything dies, so that others may live. All things. Everything comes to dust. And the Time War will end with you." Outside of the station, they could see the ships of the Daleks and together they scattered apart the atoms of everything, leaving nothing but emptiness behind. After it was finished they slowly lowered their hand. Madison gazed around the different timelines lingering around within the station, seeing one in particular that she mourned over. But she saw there was more to come. So much more. No, this timeline must not end today.
"Madison, you've done it, now stop. Just let go!" she heard the distant voice of the Doctor, trying to bring her back to him.
But she couldn't stop. The Siren saw it too and together they moved as one. "But if everything dies, then everything shall also live again." The Siren spoke firmly. "I bring life."
Though her body remained on the top floor of the station, she felt the two of them move towards the lingering timeline. Like that of a ghost, or an astral form, she saw herself standing in front of a dead Jack Harkness. He lay there in the hallway of the station. The place where he had made a last stand against the Daleks. He had been a brilliant light against the darkness. How could they let such a glowing light be extinguished? There was still so much more he could bring to the universe. His timeline told it all. So they crouched down in front of him, leaning down and breathing a gentle word into his ear.
"Live," they commanded. With that Jack jolted in place, his eyes snapping open and his lungs filled with air as he inhaled sharply. For a moment blue met green as Jack blinked upon the sight of her with wide eyes. Then she and the Siren were back in their body, hearing the Doctor speaking to them.
"But this is wrong!" he told them. "You can't control life and death!"
"But I can," said the Siren defiantly. And for the first time, the entanglement between the two of them began to falter as Madison felt a twinge, knowing the Doctor was right. This . . . this wasn't right. She shouldn't be able to see all this, the atoms or the edges between time and space. She shouldn't be able to control who lived and who died. She . . . The Siren grew annoyed with her, confused by her hesitation of their power. The Siren reminded her that this is what she wanted. She wanted to save the one she loved, to stop the darkness and bring forth the light. Was this not what she had asked for? Madison changed her thoughts, hoping to help the Siren understand that things had a cycle, a natural order. To mess with that . . . they would be no better than the Daleks they had put an end to. The Siren began to cry, confused by the conflicting thoughts between them. Tears streamed down their face.
"Why does it hurt?" they whispered. "The Sun and the Moon, the day and night. Why do they hurt?"
"The power's gonna kill you. And it's my fault!" she heard the Doctor say, his voice upset and hurt.
They looked at him then and saw the pain he was going through and felt the confliction still there between the two of them. The Siren was just confused why he seemed upset while Madison cried for making him believe it was his fault. "No. It was never your fault. I chose this path and this path chose me. It was always meant to be. We were always meant to become one," they explained together, trying to get the Doctor to understand. But as they stood there, Madison felt her mind beginning to falter and crumble. Little by little, she felt pieces of her dying. The Siren felt it too and became scared. She didn't want Madison to die. Without Madison, there was no body. Without a body, there was no Siren. "I'm . . . I'm dying."
The Doctor stood up suddenly, facing her fully and with an expression and demeanour unyielding. His blue eyes were fiery in willingness to do anything. He took a step towards her, grabbing her upper arms as he pulled her in close. "And I won't let that happen." He pulled her closer still. "Come here. I think you need a doctor." He brought his hand to the side of her face, cupping her cheek gently as he pulled her towards him. He started to lean down closer to her.
"NO!" Madison and the Siren cried together, lifting their hands and pushing him away. The Doctor stumbled back from them, stunned by their reaction. Madison knew what was coming and it terrified her. While the Siren was frightened to be forced to leave, falling back into the nothingness. "You can't! I won't let you!"
"Madison, you're dying. I can't let that happen," the Doctor said firmly, taking a step toward her again.
Madison and the Siren shook their head vigorously. "No, please. I can't." Madison sobbed, afraid of killing her Doctor. "You'll die. You'll die and it'll be all my fault. Please, don't let me kill you, Doctor." The Siren shook. "I don't want to die. I don't want to go."
The Doctor took another step. "You won't die and neither will I." Another step. "It's going to be okay." Another step. "I promise it'll be okay."
"No, no, no," they mumbled, still shaking their head. They gasped as the Doctor gently cupped their face in both of his hands. His dazzling eyes took Madison's breath away. "Please," she whispered, "I don't want you to die. I just wanted to help you. I wanted to save you." She wanted to fight against him harder, but her body was weakening by the second. She could barely stand as it was.
With a soft smile, the Doctor thumbed her cheek. "You did save me. And now it's my turn to save you."
He then leaned down and gave her a searing kiss. One that took her heart and made it soar. Though this was not the only thing he took away. She could feel the tug, the pull of the Time Vortex being drawn out of her. Everything that was and is and could be and should be were slowly disappearing from her sight, never to be seen again. Her sight was slowly returning to normal and she felt her body strengthening again. However, there was another side of her, fighting against all of this. Screaming, pleading, to stay.
"No! I don't want to go! I want to stay! I want to stay!" she heard the Siren screaming inside of her, crying for help against this. Madison felt terrible, not wanting the Siren to be upset. As the string that was the light, the Time Vortex, pulled tautly, Madison reached out to grab for the sobbing Siren. She felt herself grasping the Siren and gave a pull against the riptide that was the Doctor's draw.
. . . And the string snapped.
Madison gasped as reality seemed to come back to her. She blinked as her mind settled and everything that she had been just doing began to float away from her. What . . . What had she been doing? What happened? She remembered . . . the Doctor sending her back to Earth in the 21st century with Rose. Then . . . then the word Siren showed up. Yes, that was it. The word made her realise she could save the Doctor. Then she had gone to the TARDIS and the console opened up and . . . the Siren's song began to sing. But what was the Siren's song and how did she know that and . . . why was it that she felt she had heard the song before? But was any of that important at the moment? No. No, what was important was . . .
"Doctor?" she questioned, blinking as her vision came to and she realised she was in the Doctor's arms. He was carrying her. She looked around, seeing that they were still in the game station, though that was about to change as he brought them both inside the TARDIS. "Doctor, what happened? I . . . I can't remember. All I can recall is a beautiful melody. A song . . . I think someone was singing to me." She was curled up in the Doctor's arms, her head resting against his shoulder. She placed a hand on his chest as he stared down at her. "Did I do it? Did I help you?"
"Yeah. You helped me. We stopped the Daleks together," he assured her, smiling so brilliantly. He walked her over to the captain's chair, setting her down. She wobbled a bit where she sat, feeling woozy and unbalanced. She tried her best to shake away this feeling. She placed herself on high alert, fearing that things were not over yet.
"What about the Emperor? Was he stopped?" she asked him, watching as the Doctor walked around the console and began piloting them away.
"Yep. Everything's all right now. No need to worry," he told her, not really looking at her as he steered the ship through the Time Vortex.
Madison shook her head, finding it strange, the idea that things could have been taken care of so easily. It couldn't have been that easy. Things just did not work out like that. And besides that . . . "Who—who was singing, Doctor? Did you hear it?"
The Doctor gave her a goofy grin. "Oh, that was me. I sang a song and the Daleks ran away."
She scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Be serious, Doctor." She stood up, wobbling a bit but managing to walk over to the console. She watched as the Doctor swiftly moved, placing himself on the other side of the controls.
"Serious? Who wants to be serious? Being all serious is no fun." Again, he gave her that goofy grin.
Something was wrong. She could see the lie in his eyes. He was trying to avoid her from seeing it, she could tell. "Doctor, what's wrong?" She tried, walking towards him but he took two steps back. She stopped, feeling her heart beginning to race in dread. "Are you all right? Did something happen? Did . . . did I do something wrong?"
"No. You did nothing wrong," he replied quietly, staring at her now with all seriousness. "You did save me. But saving me comes with a price."
"What price?" She stared at him, seeing how he glanced down towards his hand resting on the console. She gasped as she saw golden light within the veins on his hand. "Doctor, what is that? What's happened to you? Is there anything I can do to help?"
There was a kind smile on his face then as he looked back at her. "Madison Baker . . . you can't help yourself, can you? You just always have to help me. And I don't think I've ever said thank you for it. Well, that should change. From now on I'm gonna tell you 'thank you' any chance I get. Because you have. You have helped me. More than you'll ever know." His smile turned sad as he stared longingly into her eyes. "I was gonna take you to so many places. Barcelona. Not the city Barcelona, the planet Barcelona. You'd love it. Fantastic place. They've got dogs with no noses." He started laughing. "Imagine how many times a day you end up telling that joke and it's still funny!"
She could only stare at him as he laughed. Something was dreadfully wrong. He wasn't acting normal. He was acting strange. Not that he wasn't normally strange with his rambling and humour, but this time it felt so forced and fictitious that it all felt so wrong to her. "Doctor . . ." she began to say but was interrupted.
"I wish I could have taken you. Then again, maybe I will. But not like this."
"I don't understand. What do you mean?"
"Oh, just rambling on. Don't mind me. Just reminiscing. That might be me from now on. All reminiscing all the time. I might even have two heads or no head! Imagine me with no head." He laughed again, grinning as he pointed at her in fake sternness. "And don't say that's an improvement!"
She couldn't help herself. She snickered and shook her head. "I don't know. It might be a lot quieter in here."
"Oh, but you'd miss my rambles."
She grinned, nodding. "Yeah, you're right. Two heads might be better. Then I'd have double the trouble."
"And I could kiss you twice over."
She raised a brow. "Is that a promise?"
"Maybe." He winked at her. They were both laughing then when suddenly the Doctor exclaimed in pain and doubled over. At the same time, a flash of golden light briefly flared around him. Madison gasped in alarm, moving to run over to him. But he held up a hand to swiftly halt her. "Stay away!"
"But you're hurt, aren't you? That's what you've been trying to hide from me." She tried to get closer but he only scooted back from her. "Let me help you."
"Sorry. You can't help me with this. Not this time. This is something no one can help me with." He grunted as he held his stomach. Soon he was looking up at her, smiling in an almost apologetic way. "I absorbed all the energy of the Time Vortex and no one's meant to do that." He gritted his teeth as he grunted again. "Every cell in my body is dying."
"No. No, don't say that." She shook her head, tears coming forth and rolling down her cheeks. "You can't die. Please, please, you can't." She started looking wildly around the console, her mind racing on what to do. "There has to be something I can do. Anything! Please, just tell me what I can do!"
"No, it's all right. I'm fixing it right now. See?" He held up his hand, showing her the glowing veins. He gave a bright grin. "Time Lords have this little trick. It's sort of a way of cheating death." His grin slowly fell then, replaced once more by such a sombre gaze. "Except . . . it means I'm gonna change . . . and I'm not gonna see you again."
Madison stared at him, confused by this. "Wh-what do you mean? If you're cheating death, then how . . ."
"It's . . . part of the changing. I'm not gonna look like this any more. Not with this daft old face." He winced, holding his stomach tighter. He seemed to be struggling but he gave her a steady gaze. As if he were trying his best to hold it together for her. It only made her tears flow more. "And before I go—."
"Don't go," she whispered, begging for him to stay.
"Madison," he said firmly, still keeping his gaze steady with hers, "before I go I just wanna tell you . . . you were fantastic." He gave her such a loving smile, grinning with such brightness. "Absolutely fantastic. And do you know what?" His smile grew. "So was I."
There was one more fleeting smile from him before he quite suddenly threw back his hands and head as a harsh and powerful golden light shot out from him. It enveloped him entirely, making Madison stumble back from the intensity of it. She brought up her arm, trying her best to shield her face from the light. She could feel the heat from the light, yet it didn't burn her for it felt cold as well. It was an odd sensation of the two senses as her ears rang from the roaring sound. She forced herself to squint through the severity of the light, staring at the Doctor as she feared what was happening to him. Her heart pounded away, frightful that she was watching him die right before her eyes. Instead, however, she was stunned as she saw, through the blinding light, was his shape-shifting, morphing into another. His hair grew out. His jawline changed. His body lengthened and lost mass. Everything about him was changing. She could only stare in awe as the light, just as suddenly as it had come on, disappeared into nothing.
Before her stood a man. A skinny man, with messy brown hair and rich brown eyes. She could not believe her eyes. There, standing before her, was the very same man she met only a few nights ago. He blinked as he gazed blankly back at her for a moment before his eyes seemed to slowly come back into focus.
"Hello, okay, mmm," he said, frowning as he looked as though he were contemplating something important. She could see his mouth shifting somewhat. He then made a face, making a small pop with his lips. "New teeth, that's weird. So, where was I?" He then snapped back to her, smiling brilliantly at her. "Oh, that's right. Barcelona!"
Madison stared, wide-eyed and in awe, at the man's sudden presence. She blinked, trying to get herself to calm as her mind reeled and her heart pounded away in fear. Before she had a chance to even think of what to say or do, the man was looking at the monitor on the console.
"6pm," he said as he began messing around with the controls, turning orbs, spinning dials, and generally seeming to know exactly what he was doing, "Tuesday, October, 5006," he beamed as he stepped away from the console to face her, "on the way to Barcelona!" He had an eager smile on, appearing rather giddy. "Now then, what do I look like?"
Madison opened her mouth to speak, ready to question everything there was about his existence, the Doctor's departure, and general curious inquiries. But she was interrupted.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't tell me," he said quickly, staring off up towards the ceiling as though deep in thought. Then he looked around at his body, carefully analysing himself. "Let's see, two legs, two arms, two hands," he grabbed onto his right wrist, moving it around carefully, "slight weakness in the dorsal tubing." His hand shot up, running his fingers through his hair. His smile brightened considerably. "Hair! I'm not bald. Oh," he blinked as he messed around with his brown locks, "big hair." His fingers moved down. "Sideburns. I've got sideburns. Or . . . really bad skin." He looked down at his stomach then, opening up his jacket to pat his belly. "A little bit thinner. That's weird. Give me time, I'll get used to it." He paused, staring at her now as he rolled his shoulders. "I have got a mole . . . I can feel it. Between my shoulder blades there's a mole." He began smiling again. "That's all right. Love the mole." He finally seemed to stop, turning to face her fully and staring at her with bright expectancy. "Go on then, tell me. What do you think?"
Shaking her head to get herself to focus off the subject of him and his strangeness (which was oddly familiar but she did not wish to delve into that quite yet) and keep to the task at hand now. There was still the Doctor missing and obviously this man thought she was his Madison. Again.
"You look lovely. But let's focus on the task at hand, shall we?" she said, walking over to him to get right down to business. "Look, I'm not your Madison so we can get that straight right here and now. I've already met you once though, so you don't have to worry about that. Though I don't know your name, so you should not tell me in case we cause a paradox. Now then, where have you come from? The Doctor was right here and it seems the two of you switched places and he's where you were just at. You know how to steer the TARDIS, which is good since I cannot, meaning you can take us right to him. He's hurt and I think he's dying, though he assured me that he wasn't so . . . I hope to god that he's all right because if he's lying to me he better hope he dies before I get my hands on him." She winced, not liking that thought at all. "He better be okay," she muttered, staring at the console in worriment.
"Madison . . . I'm right here," said the man beside her. He waved a hand, smiling awkwardly. "Hello. Here I am." When he saw her blinking in confusion, his smile dropped somewhat, seeming worried now. "You saw me, I changed. Just a minute ago."
She nodded lightly. "Yes, I saw the Doctor and you switch places. Was it some sort of transmat? It can jumble your head around quite a lot. I should know, it happened recently to me."
He started thumbing at his earlobe. "No, no, transmat. Just . . . it's me. I'm the Doctor." He dropped his hand from his ear, staring at her carefully, as if afraid to frighten her. "You saw me change right in front of you. Remember? I was dying. To save my own life I changed my body, every single cell, but . . . still me."
"I don't . . ." She shook her head, her mind starting to falter in its confusion. She backed away from him as he took a step toward her. "I don't understand. How could you be the Doctor? People don't just . . ." She stopped, frowning as she tried thinking it over carefully. She had indeed seen him change, but that just seemed . . . impossible. Then again, the Doctor was a very impossible man. And she didn't want to carry on and be rude towards him and his species. Her thoughts halted as he got closer. Her body tensed as she felt afraid of what this man would do. But, unexpectedly, he took her hand into his, so tender in his hold that it made her entire being instantly calm and relaxed. He smiled at her so softly, his brown eyes warm in colour.
"Very first word I ever said to you, trapped in that cellular, surrounded by shop window dummies," he began, his thumb slowly caressing the skin on the back of her hand, drawing the same circle pattern that the Doctor always would. He smiled in reminiscence. "Oh, such a long time ago. I took your hand." He squeezed her hand lightly. "I said one word. Just one word, I said . . . 'Run'." She felt her breath leave her as she stared into his eyes. Those old eyes that seemed so otherworldly. Then, she tensed as she felt the brush of a mind against hers. She recognized it straight away. It was far too unique for her to not know who it was. It was the Doctor's, slowly wrapping her own mind within his, showing her images of their meeting, of their shared smiles, their shared laughter, and all the times they would gaze at one another with love.
"D-Doctor?" she asked hesitantly, still very uncertain about everything that was transpiring.
"Hello," he breathed, eyes crinkling with his warm smile. He made her jump as he bolted away from her, rushing around the console. "And we never stopped, did we? All across the universe, running, running, running and that one time we had to hop, do you remember? Hopping for our lives. You, me, and Rose, just hopping—" He started hopping excitedly on one foot as he beamed at her.
"Stop!" Her cry halted him, making him freeze in what he had been doing. His hand still outreached for a knob on the console. "Just stop, please." She felt tears coming forth as she shakily walked toward him. "Please, just . . . let me . . ."
He seemed to know what she needed as he turned towards her, nodding in acceptance. She walked up to him, slowly, carefully reaching for his face. Lightly she brushed her fingertips along his face. Her fingers soon pressed more confidently as she saw him stare calmly at her. She felt his face, the different skin of his as she ran her fingers along his brow, down his sideburns, and along his chin before cupping his face and thumbing his cheeks. She then trailed her fingers down, going to his chest and feeling the steady beating of his two hearts. She stepped closer, gradually wrapping him into a hug as she rested her head against his chest to listen to his hearts. Closing her eyes as he returned her hug, she counted the beats of those hearts. The double beat. She could hear it. The similarity of these hearts and those that had been of the man she loved. As strong arms held her tight, she could almost feel the same roughness that was of the Doctor she'd known. Feel his breath on her as the coolness of his leather jacket was felt against her hands and cheek. She could even almost hear his chortle, ready to sass her about not believing him and being so silly in thinking it wasn't him. She slowly pulled away, opening her eyes once more to gaze at him.
"Oh," she let out in a soft breath. She did not mean to feel hurt in not seeing sea-blue eyes gazing back at her. It was just . . . it truly was painful not being able to see them once more. Instead, these were foreign eyes staring at her. Brown eyes, with a face that was a stranger to her. And her dismay must have shown for this face suddenly appeared regretful and sad. This made her upset with herself. She didn't want this new man to feel sad because of her. After all, it wasn't his fault to have been placed in his new situation.
"Do you want me to change back?" he asked her, hesitant in even questioning this. "Because I really can't—"
"No. No, I'm sorry," she said hurriedly, truly not wanting to be impolite or upsetting in her reactions. She didn't know what was custom for Time Lords when it came to this. How should she be behaving? So far, she felt that she was reacting poorly. She could be considered terribly rude to him and his new body. She didn't want to be inconsiderate. She wanted to help him through this change. But yet, her emotions felt wild and her heart pounded away. She couldn't even grasp what she was feeling at the moment. "I just . . . I'm sorry, I don't know how to handle this situation. I have so many questions . . . I'm honestly very confused and I don't know how to feel about any of this and you . . . I . . . god." She stepped away from him, covering her face for a moment as she breathed to get ahold of herself. She dropped her hands then to face him fully. "I'm being an absolute fool about all of this."
He looked alarmed, hurriedly going over to rub at her arms. "No, no, no, no. You're doing fine. Better than fine. It's a big change, anyone would be muddled up about it. In fact, most are. You're doing great by normal standards." He gave her an encouraging smile.
She couldn't help but laugh lightly, though it came out a bit watery as she felt tears coming up. "Glad I'm doing well in handling your death." The tears began to flow down her face as she hiccupped. "Sorry," she apologised, hating that she was letting him see her upset like this.
"Don't cry," he whispered, coming over to hug her but seemed to think better of it. "Please don't cry." It truly seemed to worry him in seeing her cry. It only made more tears come for her.
"But you did, didn't you? You died. I–I killed you. I remember now. You had to save me. I . . . I was dying and you had to save me. And you had to change because of me. It's all my fault," she cried, rubbing at her face to try and wipe away the tears. It was true. Different flashes of what had happened were coming back to her. Bits and pieces that did not make all that much sense, but she understood most of it. She had gained some sort of terrible power from the TARDIS to stop the Daleks and in doing so she almost paid the price with her life. So, instead, the Doctor paid the price for her. It was her fault. She had killed the Doctor. She cried harder then, more tears slipping down her face as her heart broke.
"No, no, no, no. It's not your fault. Oh, Madison. Come here." He pulled her into a tight hold, hugging her so close to him. She could feel him kissing the top of her head. "Never blame yourself. It was never your fault. It was a looped ontological paradox. There was nothing you could have done differently because your future self sent for your past self to do it . . . Do you understand?"
She shook her head, but she felt her mind picking up something from it. Ontological paradox? She knew she had never heard that word before but something within her registered it and understood it. The words left her before she could even realise she wanted to speak. "A temporal paradox."
"That's right. So you using the Time Vortex, think of it as a time loop of sorts. Not exactly like a fixed point of time . . . though you could probably see it like that. Nothing could have changed it. If you think about it, I was always meant to regenerate, too. Hmm. Don't know if I like that thought. But, well, there it is." He moved back from her, smiling in encouragement.
"Okay." She gave him a tentative smile. She didn't want him to still feel upset, so she lied. She knew it was her fault and she would never forgive herself for it. But she wouldn't let him know that. It was best he thought she was fine. So, moving past that, she frowned as she looked him up and down again. "But . . . how? How can you change? What sort of biological aspect is that?"
"It's called regeneration. As I said, my body goes through a process to rewrite every cell when I'm about to die. It's molecular readjustment, more or less. With it comes . . . changes. Good changes, usually. Well, most times. Well . . . generally speaking I think they're good, though some might argue with me on that one."
Madison nodded, carefully thinking this new information over. "Is . . . Is it just physical changes or—or does it run deeper than that?" She had noticed how quickly he rambled on, and how he was actually willing to explain something to her. He also had that tick with rubbing his earlobe. Though the Doctor before did ramble, it was not as fast with his words.
The Doctor before her now seemed hesitant to answer, staring at her anxiously. "The core of what makes me, well, me doesn't change . . . But there are changes with everything else."
She nodded, understanding what he meant. So . . . it really did mean that he died. The Doctor she had loved before, that is. He was gone . . . and replaced with a new man. But, no, that wasn't right. It was still the Doctor. There must have been still remains of what he had been, right? Yes, that was right. He said the core of him never changed. So it was still the Doctor, just not the man she knew. Did it really matter in the end? She still loved him, no matter what he looked or acted like. Yet it felt wrong thinking of that so soon. Her heart hurt and her stomach churned. She knew, though, that this feeling was not by choice. It was how she felt when contemplating moving on after David left her. Mer, for the most part, were together with their partners for life. To lose a life partner . . . normally Mer would either never find love again, living alone for the remainder of their existence, or they would die shortly after their partners as their hearts just could not take the loss. The fact that she had been able to move on from David had been because of the long period of time that had passed without him, and with some help in seeing him one last time as a goodbye. And the fact that being with the Doctor . . . just felt so right. As though she had always been waiting to be with him. The fact that she had found the Doctor and had fallen in love again was nothing short of a miracle by Mer standards. Now . . . it was so soon for her heart to think of loving someone new. Even if that someone was the same man, technically speaking. She knew logically she should be fine with this and ignore her conflictions. But the feelings were still there, churning away and causing turmoil within her. Oh, dear. She felt so lost and unsure of how to handle this.
"Are you okay?" she heard him asking, snapping her out of her thoughts. She looked at him, seeing the uncertainty in his eyes. He was scared of her rejection, that much was obvious. She hated causing him to feel that way. She didn't want to upset him in any sort of way. She wanted him happy. But damn her conflictions right now.
"Yes, I'm fine. I just . . . I wish you would have told me about this sooner. I could have prepared myself better," she answered.
He rubbed the back of his neck, seeming sheepish now. "Yeah, I–I probably should have. I just thought I'd have more time. But that doesn't really matter, 'cause it's still me."
She smiled kindly. "I know it's still you. There's just . . ." She sighed, her smile falling. "Mer-Kind generally are with one partner for life. It's very hard moving on from loss. When I lost David I believed I could never move on. Then I met you and everything changed. However, now, it's . . . conflicting seeing you like this. I'm sorry. It may take me some time to adjust." Seeing his dejected gaze, she immediately felt horrible. Oh, she was a terrible person for even mentioning it. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to hurt you. I–I can move past this, I swear I will. I love you, that won't ever change, I promise." She spoke in a rush now, terrified that her conflictions may cause him to believe she did not love him. "I just don't want to cheat on you!"
He suddenly laughed, bursting out into a fit. He shook his head in amusement. "Cheat on me? What? What makes you say that?"
"Well, it is, isn't it? I'm cheating on the old you with this new you. Oh, I know it sounds ridiculous, but that's how it feels!" She was blushing, feeling absolutely foolish as he kept snickering and snorting.
He eventually stopped laughing, smiling lightly at her. "You still love me, though? That won't change?"
"Of course not."
"Brilliant! Then, I can wait." He walked up to her, smiling tenderly as he took her hand, beginning to draw circles on her skin again. "I can wait, for as long as you need to adjust, I'll be right here for you. I promise." He leaned down and gave a loving kiss on her forehead. When seeing her face flush, he blinked as he stepped back. "Sorry, I made you uncomfortable just now, didn't I?"
"It's fine," she assured him. "I'm just not used to you being so affectionate." It was true. The other Doctor had barely ever kissed her. Now recalling this current Doctor encounter she had, she realised she would have to start getting used to his constant need to kiss her head. She wondered if it was just her head, or if it was other things as well.
"Well, you might want to get used to that. I'm feeling very affectionate in this body," he replied smoothly, waggling his eyebrows a bit while giving a rather foxy grin.
"Down boy," she teased him, smirking slightly as she shook her head. "Do I have to put you in time out like I do Jack?" Upon mentioning the man's name, she gasped, finally snapping back to the reality at hand. "Oh, my god, Rose! Mickey and Jackie! I left them all behind in such a rush. They're probably worried sick. And Jack! He's still back at the station! We've got to go back for him." The face the Doctor made worried her. It was a mixture of revulsion and annoyance.
"Oh, he's fine. He's—." The Doctor's words suddenly halted as he lurched forward, his face contorting in pain as his body seized slightly and he gagged loudly. The whole TARDIS shook as he made a loud noise of shock. He tried straightening to speak again, but was once more hunching over and gagging, retching as if sick. Madison immediately rushed over to him, helping him try to stay steady on his feet.
"Doctor, what's wrong? Are you okay?" she asked him, worried for his health. She watched as he twisted in her hold, retching some more and groaning. The TARDIS shook even more.
"Uh-oh," he muttered before gagging again. He then let out a long exhale and out came a wisp of golden light that swirled around the two of them. It disappeared before long, leaving them both staring wide-eyed at each other. "The change is going a bit wrong," he uttered before convulsing in her arms, groaning and grabbing his stomach in pain. Before she had time to question how to help him, he practically flung himself out of her hold and started rushing around the console.
"Forget Barcelona! Who wants to go to that daft place!" he exclaimed, hitting different controls in a flourish. "Besides, we can't leave Rose behind. Let's give her a visit. Say twenty-fourth of December, eh! Christmas present! Ha-ha!" As the ship lurched and began shaking greatly from travel, the Doctor groaned and leaned over the console in agony.
"Doctor, maybe you should sit down," she tried suggesting.
The Doctor bolted up straight, grinning wildly. "Nah, why sit down when we're having so much fun travelling! Through time and space! Ha!" He starting to hit random controls now. "Haven't used this one in years!" he said as he flipped up a lever. The ship gave a groan, shaking even more.
Madison winced, almost feeling the pain the Doctor was putting the old girl through. The ship was hurting and was trying to tell her Time Lord to stop. "Doctor, stop. You're hurting her."
He ignored her, still going. "Oh, we're just getting started! Put up a bit of speed. That's it, faster! Faster!"
Madison stumbled into the console, gripping it tightly as she tried to stay on her feet. "Doctor. Doctor, stop this. Please, you're scaring me." The TARDIS gave an urgent hum. "You're scaring her!"
"Faster! We're gonna break the time limit!" The Doctor was manic by this point, eyes untamed as he kept up his work.
"Doctor, stop!"
"Oh, don't be so dull, let's have a bit of fun! Let's rip through that Vortex!"
Madison had enough, feeling her anger flare dramatically and a surge of energy course through her. She stood up straight and glared at him. "I said STOP!"
In that instant, everything shuddered and the console sparked. The ship itself jerked to a standstill, halting in movement altogether. The lights dimmed and they could hear things powering down. The Doctor and Madison both fell to the ground, barely able to catch themselves from hitting their faces on the grated floor. Shakily, Madison stood up, looking over to see the Doctor blinking in shock at her from where he clung to the console. She was just as stunned as he for she had no idea what just happened. Especially with how her voice had sounded just a moment ago. It sounded . . . strange. Loud and that of an echo. Where had that come from? Had she merely imagined it?
"What?" said the Doctor as he gaped at her.
"Doctor? What happened?" she asked, hoping he had an answer.
"I—ngh." He was doubling over in pain again, hands tightening into fists so harshly that his knuckles were turning white.
She rushed over to him, helping him stand up straight. "What's wrong? Please, tell me what I can do for you."
"The regeneration's gone wrong," he explained desperately, staring at her in worriment. "I can't stop myself." His face scrunched up and he leaned into her. "Ah, my head!" He jerked again, his face and eyes looked crazed. "Come on, we can't stop now! We've got to get to Rose!"
"No. You, mister, are going to the medical bay. Whether you like it or not." She had to practically drag him away from the console and down the corridor of the TARDIS.
"Aw, you're no fun!" he whined, laughing and swaying as they walked. "Killjoy you are!"
"Yes, I am. Call me Miss Killjoy. Now, medical bay, tootsweet!"
It was a struggle. He kept trying to turn them back around towards the console room, or in other directions down the different branching hallways of the TARDIS. But she managed to get him distracted enough to go with her down the corridor. It was then that she realised he was basically drunk. It was no wonder. Going through something so dramatically changing must have been a wallop on his mind just as much as on his body. Though she was worried about just how badly it was going to be for him. This wasn't just something he could sleep off as a drunk would. He said it was going wrong. What if . . . what if he changed for nothing and he was still going to die?
"Oh," he groaned, leaning heavily against her then as they walked. His arm around her shoulder as she helped him stay up on his feet. "Just take me to my room. I want to lay down."
"Is that what you need? Sleep?" she asked him. His only response was a low groan. She adjusted the arm that was around her shoulder and her one arm around his waist. She had them move together down the corridor and luckily she found a door that appeared to be a room.
The door was old wood, like that of a farmhouse. There was a circle pattern on the door, written in gold. She knew it was Gallifreyan as the Doctor had explained it absently to her once when she had questioned him about it a while ago. As she stared at the letters, they began to twist and shape before her very eyes. She blinked in shock as she watched the circle words turn into English with The Doctor now displayed proudly. Unsure of how to take this strange occurrence, she brushed it aside for now as she pushed open the door. It was instant to her to see it was indeed the Doctor's room. It had such a unique taste that suited only him. With a large bed that had deep red covers, a study area, an invention room to the side, a bathroom with a tub that was almost like a pool, and windows here throughout the room. The windows showed an image of a planet with red grass, an orange sky, and silver trees. Some of the windows showed distant mountains with snow, while others showed crystal clear lakes. Then above was the ceiling filled with a starry sky. It was honestly beautiful.
"Your room is beautiful," she told him as she helped him through the door and into the room. She dragged him over towards the bed.
". . . No one's ever been in my room before," he muttered, blinking sleepily. He smiled dreamily at her. "You're the first. Which should be a more common thing. How about it? Wanna break it in? I could think of some fun ways to do that."
Her cheeks practically glowed as she stared at it in astonishment. "Doctor! N-now is not the time for such jokes." She turned him around and pushed him into the bed. He flopped down, pouting at her.
"Aww, you're no fun," he whined. He groaned and exhaled a wisp of golden light. He stared at her apologetically. "Sorry. I made you uncomfortable again."
"It's fine. You're not yourself at the moment, so I'll let it slide. But just this once, got it?" she teased him.
He laughed lightly before groaning again, gagging out more golden light. Then his eyes lit up as he stood up from the bed, leaning toward her with a manic grin. "Wait, wait, wait, shush, shush, shush, there's something I need to say. What is it—what . . ."
"Don't worry about that now. Just lay down." She pushed him back on the bed, finding it amusing to see him pout like that of a child not getting his way.
"Oh, but that's no fun. There's still something I need to say. It's important! You need to know that I . . ." His eyes suddenly fluttered as they rolled up into his head. He then flopped back into the bed and began breathing quietly in sleep.
Sighing, she could only stare at him for a moment with a shake of her head. She then began to help him out of his boots and the leather jacket. She left his other clothes on, too embarrassed to take them off. She did not think it appropriate for her to undress him completely into sleeping clothes as they were not exactly . . . intimate enough just yet. It would have been rude of her to do so without permission. So instead she moved him so he was laying with his head on the pillow and feet towards the end of the bed. Though the task was rather difficult as he was much heavier than he appeared to be. Skinny or not, the man weighted quite a bit it seemed. Maybe that was simply a Time Lord trait. She carefully placed the covers on top of him and laid his arms over on top of the blanket. She then gently brushed a few strands of his hair that was stuck to his face before feeling his forehead carefully. Right away she noticed that he was flushed and felt warm. She knew this was not normal for him as generally he had always been cool to the touch. She leaned down to press her ear to his chest and listened to his hearts. Both were beating steadily.
Unsure of what to do, she resigned herself to go sit in the study area and watching over him. She wanted to go to the medical bay for medicine for him, but she knew this would be out of the question. For one thing, she hardly knew any of the advanced medications or equipment to know enough of what to use and such. For another thing, she hardly knew what would be safe for a Time Lord to have. What if she accidentally poisoned him? She would never forgive herself if she hurt him in any way. So, instead, she sat there in the armchair, staring at him and observing his breathing. This gave her time to begin to contemplate a few things. Many things to be exact. Such as . . . the Doctor's change and how she was going to handle it. She hoped she could get over her conflictions soon. They were nothing more than a nuisance if she were honest. It was more than that, though. She hoped that she could help the Doctor adjust in any way she can. She was certain it was a big change for him just as much as it would be for everyone else. Any struggles that he might face, she wanted to be a comfort for him to rely on. No matter what, she would help.
Set with this thought, she moved on to thinking over what had happened that led up to this. What exactly had occurred? As she had told the Doctor, she couldn't remember much but some things were coming back to her. The bits and pieces that stood out the most were the TARDIS console opening up, the golden light, the melody singing to her, the Daleks dying, her almost dying and then . . . She groaned, gripping her head as it hurt trying to think it all over. Maybe it was too soon for her to remember everything. Perhaps, with what had been done, it was still processing through her body. She had almost died, after all. Maybe her mind needed time to heal. In fact, now that the adrenaline was done coursing through her, she felt the weight of exhaustion upon her. This was not too surprising. She had been up previously since they dropped off Margaret's egg and then going to Japan. She realised it might have been almost two days since she last slept. Sighing, she leaned back against the chair she sat in, wondering if she could even remotely manage to sleep. While her body was tired her mind was hardly going to corporate as it was still jumbling around. Too much excitement in one day.
An hour passed as she tried sleeping in that chair. She tried leaning back but then that put a creak in her lower back. She tried curling up into the armchair, but that just was not comfortable, either. She sighed in resignation, knowing the only way she could sleep was to lay down. But laying on the floor seemed out of the option. Glancing toward the Doctor's bed, she bit the inside of her cheek as she nervously stared at him. It . . . It was an awfully large bed. Maybe it wouldn't be considered too inappropriate to sleep in it. She knew it was silly. The modern era had different customs when it came to intimacy. Much more relaxed and such. But it was hard getting herself out of the old mindset of courtships and whatnot. Besides, how was she to know what would be considered impolite to a Time Lord? Sighing in defeat, the need for sleep won as she went over to the Doctor's bed. Taking off her boots, she carefully crawled under the covers and laid down.
"Don't think this will be an everyday thing. We are still courting, after all," she said jokingly to the sleeping Doctor. "Though that comment of yours . . . I do hope you learn to keep that sort of talk just between the two of us. Light flirting is one thing, but comments like that? I would die if Rose ever heard you say such a thing. Though I'm certain Jack would love it. He would most likely even add in a word or two." She laughed softly, smiling at the Doctor while he continued to sleep. He looked so peaceful. All his features relaxed and calm. It was nice seeing him be able to be at ease.
She sighed, slowly closing her eyes. "Goodnight, Doctor. Sleep well."
Was it good? Did you enjoy? Let me know in a review. It's always great getting to see everyone.
Now that we're in with Ten, things are going to be changing from cannon. Maybe not right away, but as we progress with Ten's story there will be some changes. If anyone has ideas or things they would like to see happen, please let me know.