A/N: This was intended to be a one-shot, but in case it turns into an actual story (?), here's some bg info: Yuna, Rikku, and Paine live in an apartment together, presumably sometime right before FFX-2. Yeah, don't ask questions about storyline really. Just go with it, it's humor.

Paine and Ienzo, Sittin' in a Tree

Ch. 1

Rikku sighed. More laundry? The end was nowhere in sight! What in Spira could Ienzo be up to that he need Rikku to do his laundry for him? Well, at least he'd make it worth the effort. He did promise Rikku that cookie…She sighed again. Laundry certainly was worth a cookie or two.

And pour in the detergent…check. Close the lid…check. And…press the button. Done! Now all Rikku had to do was wait 40 minutes and Ienzo's clothes would be good as new.

She sat down at the desk and pulled out her laptop to check her email. Ah, one from Yuna, reminding Rikku that it was her night to cook. And there was one from Paine. Rikku smiled, remembering the last time Paine had sent her mail. But that was another story.

Just as Rikku had a chance to open it, the lights went out. Rikku hastily stood up and tried to walk to the lightswitch.

"Don't move," said a chilling female voice. "I have a surprise for you." The voice chuckled coldly. Rikku didn't know how to react and was gripped with fear and confusion. Even if she had been able to do something, she wasn't sure that she would have.

Without warning, Rikku was slammed against a wall. And as she was about to cry out, somebody's lips were pressed against hers in a frenzied, passionate kiss that lasted so long that Rikku was beginning to run out of air. The mysterious kisser finally backed off and Rikku gasped for breath, choking at the rush of air that came so quickly.

The lights flickered back on, and there stood Paine, wearing a sheer robe that was open in the front to reveal skimpy black lingerie. In one hand was a whip, and in the other a jar of Vaseline.

"Ienzo, dear, I—" she stopped to gape at Rikku. "FUCK! Wrong person!" She screamed, and ran out of the room, dropping the Vaseline.

Rikku dropped into her chair, frightened beyond all hell.