XXVII. Love Overboard
Love Overboard is the property of Gladys Knight and the Pips.
They tell me, Gladys
You know you love too hard
But I tell 'em
Not nearly hard enough
They say, girlfriend
You know you go too far
Around the world ain't far enough
'Cause I only want to show you What you mean to me
Every time I'm reachin' out to you
I start to sink
I may be drowning with desire
From your sweet, sweet touch
I don't care what people say
'Cause I love you so much
Love overboard
(Love overboard)
My love's in need of help
Love overboard
(Love overboard)
I sure can't help myself
Love overboard
(Love overboard)
I don't know what to do
Love overboard
(Love overboard)
I'm so in love with you, baby
Baby, they say I work too hard
Not really when it comes to lovin' you
You've got my overtime
You bring me peace of mind
And there's so much I'd like to do
I only wanna find the love
My heart's been searchin' for
I'd climb most every mountain
Swim from shore to shore
Just to feel the soft caress
From your warm embrace In this ocean of love
No one can take your place
Love overboard
(Love overboard)
My love's in need of help
Love overboard
(Love overboard)
I sure can't help myself
Love overboard
(Love overboard)
I don't know what to do
Love overboard
(Love overboard)
I'm so in love with you
Love overboard
(Love overboard)
I'm running out of time
Love overboard
(Love overboard)
I'm 'bout to lose my mind
Love overboard
(Love overboard)
I don't know what to do
Love overboard
(Love overboard)
I'm so in love with you
All my friends keep telling me
To let you go
Between the two of us
How could they ever know
About the love you been givin'
Seems some people like to live
Their life so very close
I like to let go some time
So I can flow with the times I've done made up my mind
You're the only one for me
Oh, my love's overboard
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Gladys, Gladys, Gladys, ooh
I'm overboard
Can't help myself
I'm overboard
Ooh, part of me is deep
But your love so very sweet
Love overboard
Love overboard
My love's in need of help
Love's overboard
Sure can't help myself
Love overboard
I don't know what to do
Love overboard
I'm so in love with you
Love overboard
(Love overboard)
Running out of time
Love overboard
'Bout to lose my mind
Love overboard
(Love)
I don't know what to do
Love overboard
(Love overboard)
I'm so in love with you
Spinnin', fallin',
People, ooh, people,
(Love overboard)
Love's callin',
I'm fallin',
S-O-S-O-S-O-S-O-S
Love's overboard
(Love overboard)
My love's in need of help
Love overboard
(Love overboard)
I just can't help myself
Love overboard
(Love overboard) I don't know what to do
Love overboard
(Love overboard)
So in love with you
Sean walks awkwardly through the double doors, removing his cap. After receiving Vinnie's number, he left the police car, grateful that they'd made surprisingly good time. He passes the criminal, throwing him a sneer, as the police officer drags him outside, past the reporters. Spotting who he thinks is Jimmy at the front desk, he goes over, looking nervously around at everyone gathered in the waiting room.
"Hey," he says.
Kate, Robert, and Chris appear utterly confused, while Jimmy and Toby look taken aback. No Ellie.
"How is she?" he asks.
"She's stable," answers Jimmy. "Craig just said she woke up so..."
"Oh, that's good," says Sean. "Um...is Ellie still here?"
"She went to get a sandwich," says Toby, running a tongue over his teeth. "Cafeteria."
As one of Emma's closest friends, Toby had to be wondering why he was searching for Ellie, Sean guesses by the expression on his face. Rather than stare at that expression any longer, Sean heads for the cafeteria after seeing a sign saying it's on the second floor. Taking the elevator up, thoughts start invading his mind. Emma's tear-stained face the night he came home. Emma giving him back the wedding ring. Ellie's lips almost touching his. It is way too complicated to comprehend.
He sees her coming out of the room, a plastic container in her hands. She walks right past him, stalls for a second, then turns back.
"Sean?" she exclaims.
"Hi," says Sean, softly.
"What are you...what are you doing here?" she says.
"Heard about Ashley...and I thought...you could use a friend," stammers Sean, feeling his face grow hot.
Ellie beams at him. "Yeah...I could use...a friend."
Sean shrugs. "You wanna go somewhere and talk?"
Ellie shyly looks down, then stares at a supply cabinet. Taking his hand, she guides him into it, turns on the light. It's not a large cabinet, but decent in size, enough room for them to sit. They do, Sean lightly closing the door.
"We're going to get in trouble," teases Sean.
"Yeah, like we always follow the rules," says Ellie.
"How're you holding up?"
"It was so terrifying, Sean," says Ellie, opening the container. "I mean, I was mad at her, but she's my best friend. She'll always be, though I kept trying to deny it. No other person knows me as well, except Craig...and you."
Sean frowns a bit. "Craig, probably more, right?"
"No," says Ellie. "He knows me, but you know my heart. You're all over my heart."
Sean grins widely, stretching his legs across the floor. Ellie bites into her sandwich, offers Sean a wedge.
"Deja vu," says Sean, taking the food.
"What?" says Ellie.
"What, you forgot? We shared a sandwich the first day we met. Detention."
Ellie laughs. "Yeah, you were greedy, and ate most of it."
"I was a growing boy," defends Sean.
Ellie rolls her eyes.
"I caught that!" laughs Sean.
"Excuse me?" says Ellie, smiling.
"The eye roll," explains Sean. "But last time you did that, we got together. And kissed not that long after."
Sean finishes his half of the sandwich, wipes his hands. Ellie bites her lip, then wipes her mouth with a napkin.
"Feel like repeating history?" asks Ellie, staring straight into his eyes.
Sean scoots closer to her, raising her chin so their lips can touch. Ellie puts her hand over his, closes her eyes. He leans in, letting his lips control him rather than his mind. It's sweeter than he imagined. Gentle, then passionate, and all he can think is finally, finally. Ellie gazes into his eyes, offering him one more light kiss. Sean keeps his forehead pressed against hers, returning the gaze.
After a few moments, however, he sees a change in her eyes, a sad, defeated look. She stands, brushing her skirt.
"El?" he says, also standing.
"What are we doing?" breathes Ellie.
"Don't you want this?" whispers Sean.
"Of course I want this!" exclaims Ellie. "But do you? Sean, I talked to Emma earlier today.."
Emma. Ever since they'd been in the cabinet, her name had never entered his brain.
"She's so depressed, Sean," says Ellie, her eyes tearing up. "What if she ends up like Ash? I couldn't live with that. I'm not going to be the one that makes her that way."
"What way?"
"So out of it that she hurts herself. She could drink too much one night or her eating disorder could resurface...anything really."
Sean rubs his eyes. This is frustrating. Everything is so mixed. He can't read her mind, or his. The thought of Emma hurting herself made him cringe as well, as much as the thought of not seeing Ellie anymore.
He kisses Ellie's tear-stained cheek, hugs her.
"This might be the last chance we have, El," whispers Sean. "You're so special to me, so much more than you know."
"I'm not the only one in your heart," says Ellie. "I can feel it when you look at her."
"You could be if we try. Just think about it."
"I don't think I can think anymore," replies Ellie. "Definitely not right now."
Releasing Sean, she opens the cabinet door, throws a pained look back in his direction. Sean slumps to the floor, feels something small graze his thigh. Reaching down into his pants, he takes out the ring Emma gave back. It shines a little under the light, a shine that rivals the shine of tears falling down his face.
II.
The muted light of the hospital chapel catches Jimmy off-guard, but the silence doesn't. It's why he came there in the first place. All the talking, the movement, the worries bouncing against the walls of the waiting room made him want to run. The looks of distrust were worse, and the guilt caused a crushing sensation in his chest. The stress from the case, the naivete surrounding the pills, the placement of Leslie on the stand...all his doing. Sure, his father plopped the idea in front of him, but he took it, went with it.
At least, here he's alone. At least, here it's quiet.
He rolls to the altar, sees that someone has provided candles to light for prayer. Striking the match, he then lights one, glances at the ceiling.
"I didn't know you were religious," echoes a voice in the room.
Jimmy glances back to see Tia, ruffling her hair, heading towards him.
"I'm...I'm not," says Jimmy. "Just lost, I guess. Looking for answers."
"To what?" inquires Tia, standing next to him.
"To most things, I suppose," replies Jimmy. "My daughter said it was impossible for her to be happy. I want an answer for that. I want to know why Ashley can't love me the way I wish she could. I want to know how it came to all of this. And then..I want to know if I'm still a good person."
"I can answer the last one," says Tia. "You are a good person, Jimmy. When I got divorced, I thought something was wrong with me, but there wasn't. I was being way too hard on myself. Like you."
"So how'd you feel better about yourself?" says Jimmy, watching the flame of the candle go back and forth.
"I did what was best for Lisa," replies Tia. "Her father wasn't there for her or me, so I decided I would be. You have to find a way to make Leslie happy. It may hurt, but you've got to do it."
Jimmy nods. Tia's making a lot of sense, he thinks. But letting Ashley go? He remembers the birth of Leslie, one of their happier moments, the first time he held Leslie in his arms. She was very pink, smelled so good. Falling in love with the stranger in his arms seemed easier than being with the woman he married.
"Have you thought of a name yet?" said Ashley, still so exhausted from delivering her.
Jimmy grinned down at her. "How about Leslie? After the famous female basketball star Lisa Leslie?"
"That's pretty," said Ashley, also smiling at their baby. "I like it."
"She's going to be a champion," said Jimmy.
"Okay," said Ashley. "As long as she's happy."
"Oh, I'll make sure of that," said Jimmy.
He'd promised, all the way back then, and the promise, he would make sure, will remain. Tia lights another candle as Jimmy's memory fades.
"I'll pray for you," says Tia. "You and Leslie."
Jimmy lightly takes her hand, and she bends her knees. He's not exactly sure how, but his mouth catches hers, and the kiss continues longer than he thought it would. Tia smiles down at him after they finish.
"I didn't come here for that, but...that was nice," says Tia.
"Me neither, and yeah."
"Maybe this is a little blessing," says Tia.
Jimmy rubs his lips, grinning. "No, it was a big one."
III.
The wheels of a cart move swiftly over the linoleum of the hospital floor. A nurse has brought in dinner. Moonlight enters Ashley's hospital room, and she sits up, stares out the window. It's a cloudless sky, and Craig's head rests on her blanket. She smiles at him, strokes his back. It's all so different from that afternoon, when she didn't know if he was coming back, the pain coursing through her body. She'd seen everyone throughout the night: her mother, trying hard to mask her anxieties, too upset to pound her about the pills apparently; Toby, who offered some lame jokes to cheer her up; Robert, who got her balloons, then Chris, who got her flowers; Joey, who told her about Caitlin's journalism adventures to get her mind off of everything. Still, there was no Jimmy or Ellie, and she isn't sure she knows what to say to Leslie, who she believes is asleep by then.
Someone knocks at her door timidly, and she tells them to come in. The knock wakes Craig, his hair standing straight up.
"Up for company, hon?" says Paige, as cheerily as possible, shifting a bouquet of roses to the other arm. "Craig, there's like drool, right here?"
Paige puts a finger to her chin, indicating where Craig should wipe. Craig obeys, giving Ashley an embarrassed stare.
"You're still sexy," assures Ashley, beaming at him.
"Yeah, okay, don't make me puke," complains Paige. "I've done enough of that already."
Craig nods, stands.
"Did you get dressed in the dark?" inquires Paige, staring at his fully tan suit.
"Something like that," answers Craig, kissing Ashley, then leaving.
Paige sits on Craig's empty stool, hands the flowers to Ashley.
"Awww," says Ashley.
"I wrote a little note. Ash, you rock," jokes Paige. "Don't tell Craig. Hopefully, he doesn't sleep with another grade nine."
Ashley giggles. "If he did, that'd be illegal."
Paige smirks. "R. Kelly, anyone?"
Ashley hits Paige with the bouquet. "Shush. But it's really great to see you."
"Likewise," says Paige. "Spin switched on the radio around nine, and we heard. We got here about twenty minutes ago. Are you okay?"
"Yes," says Ashley. "I just panicked...I'll be fine."
"You can't scare us like that, Ash," says Paige, patting her stomach. "Me and the baby can't take it."
Ashley grins. "We still haven't properly celebrated your good news. As soon as I get out, I'm taking you out for dinner. You, a mom! It's going to be so great."
"Me, a mom. Feels so surreal to say. Who would believe it?"
"I would. I do. You're going to do great."
Paige returns the grin. "When are you getting out of here?"
"Soon," says Ashley. "Unless they spring some surprise on me."
"Well, I'm going to let you rest, and let Craig come back in," says Paige, glancing at the doorway. "I know he's hovering!"
Craig pops his head into the doorway. "Didn't appreciate the grade nine joke, by the way."
"Please," says Paige. "Like you and Marco never crack Matt student-teacher jokes behind my back."
"Uhh...we've never done that," says Craig, obviously lying.
Paige and Ashley stare at each other, then laugh. Paige lightly punches Craig in the shoulder, then leaves.
"I'm ready to leave this place," groans Ashley. "I want to go back to our house."
"You'll be out soon, then we'll be together," says Craig.
IV.
Craig fiddles with the remote, the channel on reruns of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.
"Leave it there," says Ashley. "He's cute."
"No, he isn't," says Craig, smacking his lips.
"Jealous," says Ashley.
"Oooh, someone brought you dinner," says Craig, heading over to the cart and pushing it towards her.
Ashley eyes it suspiciously. There's a tray full of diced meat, runny mashed potatoes, skinny green beans, and a bowl with a white package inside it. She sighs as Craig puts the tray on her lap.
"Or the resemblance of dinner," says Craig, staring disgustedly at it.
"I brought this on myself," she says, stabbing the meat with a plastic fork.
"That just means you can't be in the hospital, ever again," says Craig, kissing her cheek.
Ashley stares innocently at Craig. "If you love me, you'll eat this."
Craig shakes his head, laughs. "Come on!"
"The nurse'll look at me funny if I don't eat it."
"Ash!"
Ashley pouts, continues to stare at him.
"I used that face on you before your dad's wedding," says Craig. "I know that face!"
"Then you know it works," says Ashley, handing him a spoon.
"Fine. I'll eat these triflin' potatoes," replies Craig. "I wonder what's in this package."
"Anthrax?" mutters Ashley, scrunching her face as she puts the diced meat, which she identifies as beef, in her mouth. "Whatever it is, it's yours."
Craig rips the package open, smiles giddily.
"Oh yeah," he says, obviously pleased.
"What?" prompts Ashley.
"Ice cream," announces Craig. "And not just any ice cream. It's the square with the three flavors. Strawberry, vanilla, chocolate. You missed out, Ash."
"Square ice cream?"
"Yep, the best ever. I ate it all the time at Joey's."
Ashley looks at it. It does look good, frowning as Craig eats it, smiling at her the entire time.
"Can I have some?" she asks.
"You gave it up," teases Craig.
"Don't stand between a woman and ice cream, Craig. It's not healthy."
Craig slides the bowl over. "Lucky I ate the chocolate first."
The same nurse who brought in dinner comes in, her arms crossed.
"Mr. Manning, visiting hours are over," she says. "I told you that in the hallway. And you're...you're eating her food!"
"I...uh...," starts Craig, looking between Ashley's tray and the nurse.
"First, the helicopter, now this," says the nurse, rolling her eyes, then leaving.
"Helicopter?" says Ashley.
"That's how I...we kind of...you know what, I'll tell you tomorrow."
Craig kisses her on the lips, and Ashley doesn't want it to end, a much better taste than whatever had masqueraded as food.
"I love you," he says to her.
"I love you," she says.
Craig goes to kiss her again, but he's interrupted by the nurse, who grabs him up by the collar, and pushes him outside.
"Don't play with me, young man," says the nurse.
"My suit...it's wrinkled," moans Craig.
"By the looks of it, I did you a favor.".
Craig glances down at his clothes. "Well...yeah."
The doctor who examined Ashley walks up to them, nodding at the nurse. She leaves, after throwing one more annoyed look at Craig.
"Dr. Gill. Apologies for not recognizing you sooner," says the doctor. "I was in over my head."
"No problem," says Craig.
"I've been reading about this case in the news," says Dr. Gill, leading him away from Ashley's room.
"Yes, the news, Ash, and I are friends nowadays."
"Perhaps it's best that you part with these friends."
Craig's brow furrows. "What do you mean?"
"Come into my office."
Dr. Gill shows Craig to his office, and Craig sits in a chair opposite Dr. Gill. Seeing the amount of certificates and plaques on the walls comforts him somewhat. At least Ashley was in good hands.
"Remember our talk earlier?" asks Dr. Gill.
Craig nods. "Yeah, you mentioned alternatives?"
"We need to curb this dependence on Tricyclin. There are therapeutic programs Ashley could attend."
"Okay, sure. Are you going to be the one that treats her?"
Dr. Gill sighs. "The thing is that while we have therapy programs here, good ones, she'd be hounded everyday. She's pretty much a local celebrity. Being who you are, I'm sure you understand the need for privacy."
"Of course," says Craig, tentatively.
"That's why I think it would be good to look for programs in the States. Some of them are top-notch, private..."
"You want Ashley to leave?" exclaims Craig. "For how long?"
"Most of these programs last around four to six months," says Dr. Gill. "She'd get rehab counselling focusing on behavioral therapy. If it was more serious, I'd recommend a year, but being that she's in this custody battle, I think this is the best scenario."
Craig swallows a lump in his throat. Six months without Ashley.
"There's a reason I called you in, Mr. Manning, and not her husband or her parents," says Dr. Gill. "It's because she seems to be the most receptive to you. I honestly think you could convince her. It's a matter of her health. She need not have any more panic attacks if she's treated. And her heart wouldn't grow any weaker."
"How often could I see her?"
"The first thirty days, they usually discourage any contact from loved ones, so Ashley can focus on herself. After that, you can write her, phone her, but it's up to her counselor about visitation."
Craig feels tears burning the back of his eyes.
"You don't understand...we just got back together after like eight years," whispers Craig. "It's like all these circumstances...taking her away from me."
"I know your story," says Dr. Gill. "Which is why I have faith that you'll do what's best. If you two can survive all that, you two can survive this. Can't you?"
Craig nods. "I'll talk to her."