XXVIII. If You Don't Know Me By Now
If you don't know me by now
You'll never, never, never know me
All the things that we've been through
You should understand me
Like I understand you
Now baby I know the difference
Between right and wrong
I ain't gonna do nothin'
To upset our happy home
Oh, don't get so excited
When I come home a little late at night
Cause we only act like children
When we argue, fuss and fight
We all got our own funny moods
I've got mine
Woman, you got yours too
Just trust in me
Like I trust in you
As long as we've been together
That should be so easy to do
Just get yourself together
Or we might as well say good-bye
What good is a love affair
When we can't see eye-to-eye
"So the duck walks right up to the doctor, and he says...get this, Ash, he says, you're a total quack! Get it!" says Spinner, doubling over in laughter.
Craig glances into the hospital room, butterflies in his stomach. It's the morning after his talk with Dr. Gill. He has no idea where to start, how to make it sound appealing. Dr. Gill mentioned that with a physician's note, the case could be delayed and Ashley could get the treatment she needed. Of course, Jimmy would have to agree to it. Still, the thought of her going away might make her more stressed. Well, at least Spinner's keeping her entertained, he laughs. Ashley chuckles despite herself.
"I've got zingers, man. I've got zingers for days," says Spinner, raising his arms proudly.
"How about taking a break?" says Craig, walking into the room.
"Mmm, okay. I've got one about an aardvark, but I'll save that one," replies Spinner.
Ashley smiles at Spinner. "Thanks...thanks for coming, Spin. Considering everything."
Spinner looks down. "Yeah...well, I might not always like what you do, Ash, but...you know, you gotta take care of yourself, alright?"
Ashley reaches over to give Spinner a light hug. He returns it shyly. Spinner pats Craig on the back, and leaves them alone. Ashley makes a little room on the bed for Craig. Craig sits, grasps her hand.
"You're not wearing yourself out with all these visitors, are you?" asks Craig.
"I'm popular," says Ashley. "Total contrast from grade eight, when hardly anyone paid attention to me. Well, except for a certain curly-haired guy with a camera."
"If I knew who that guy was, I'd be really jealous," says Craig, kissing her nose.
"No, I like seeing everyone," says Ashley. "I haven't seen Spin in weeks. Emma's coming later today. Then Monday, I get released. Mom told me. Too bad we have court that afternoon."
Craig nods, looks sheepishly around.
"What's wrong?" questions Ashley, smiling at him. "You look nervous."
"Me nervous?" says Craig, putting on his most believable grin. "Nah. Everything...everything's going to be fine."
Ashley sighs, stares at him intensely, so intensely Craig knows that she's essentially searching his eyes for any signs. I might as well tell her, he thinks. She'll figure it out sooner or later.
"Okay, so Dr. Gill, the doctor who treated you, he thinks you should get steady treatment," says Craig.
"Yeah, I understand. Not a problem," says Ashley, easing Craig's mind a bit.
"The things is...the thing is that he wants you to get it in the States," continues Craig.
Craig watches Ashley's whole face drop, maybe as much as his own. What to say next he couldn't locate. He wishes he hadn't agreed to be the one to do this.
"Craig...why...why do I need to go to the States!" exclaims Ashley. "There's the case, and I can't just leave Leslie...or work...or you."
"You'd be better, though," counters Craig, putting an arm around her.
"I can get better here," protests Ashley, wiping away a tear. "My parents are here, you're here, my friends are here. I have a support system."
"But no privacy. Less privacy means more stress," says Craig. "We'll be there for you."
"I only took those pills because I was desperate. It won't happen again."
"Ash..."
"You believe me, don't you? Look, I'll do whatever, but I'm not going out of the country. You don't want to lose me, do you?"
Craig runs his hand over the blanket, trying to fathom it all. Maybe they could reason with Dr. Gill, and Ashley could stay. He definitely didn't want to lose her, or be apart from her.
"No, I don't want to lose you," answers Craig, tracing her chin with his finger.
"Then, trust me. You know me. Once I put my mind to something, I follow through, no matter where I am. I'll stay and there won't be any problems. We'll go in, talk to Dr. Gill, and it'll be settled."
Craig takes a deep breath. "I don't want to see you like this ever again."
"And I don't want to leave you," says Ashley, kissing him deeply, then pulling out of the kiss.
"The States are overrated, anyway," says Craig, pulling her back.
II.
The bouncing of the basketball soothes all of Jimmy's nerves as he goes for another shot, the ball hitting the rim. A miss. He's been doing a lot of those lately, after the girls went home for practice, while he waited for Spin to come drive him and Lisa to his house. He hates thinking about it, but that's what this all was– a miss. The divorce papers didn't bring Ashley back like his father said; in fact, they landed her in the hospital. Trying to talk to Ashley didn't persuade her; it just drove her further into the arms of Craig. Hiring Carla wasn't guaranteeing him a victory; in fact, he hates that Carla's involved.
It's Sunday, so the gym is empty. A janitor, one of his friends at Degrassi, let him in. Suddenly, the floorlights come on, illuminating Jimmy, though the sunshine is providing more than enough light. Trenton Brooks strides towards him, in a nicely tailored, brown suit.
"Jim, I called your house this morning," says Mr. Brooks. "We left the hospital at around ten-thirty last night. Where were you?
"I'm playing ball," says Jimmy, shooting again, missing again.
"Oh," says Mr. Brooks, dismissively. "I think we should take Leslie out on the green today. The conditions are fair."
"Um, she's at the hospital, with Paige. Went there this morning," says Jimmy.
Mr. Brooks catches the ball as Jimmy goes for another shot. "What!"
"Dad, her mother's there."
"And she's fine, and Leslie needs the practice time. She's missed a lot. We don't want her getting complacent."
Jimmy rolls his eyes. "It won't kill her to not practice."
"What, like you? I'm not going to let her waste her potential like you did."
Jimmy bites his tongue, not saying anything.
"You could've been so great, Jimmy. The next Jordan. Then, you got all into art, and that never went anywhere. Now, you're stuck here, coaching. Who does that please?" says Mr. Brooks.
"I thought it would please you!" barks Jimmy, his voice echoing. "It's basketball, right? Whatever I do, it's not good enough. You judge me way too much, Dad. You don't let me make any decisions!"
"That's not true!"
"Yes...yes, it is. Hiring Carla, sending Ashley the papers, getting Leslie golf experts. The only one worse than you is Carla, putting Les up there without my permission."
"She had my permission," interjects Mr. Brooks.
"Dad! You can't just bypass me, okay? I wouldn't have agreed to that! You can't control everything!"
Jimmy wheels his chair away from his father. He and Carla were double-teaming him, not even interested in how he felt. He glances back at his father, who appears sad and confused.
"Jimmy, I was doing this because I thought it was what you wanted," says Mr. Brooks, softly.
"It was," says Jimmy. "But Dad, Ashley's in the hospital because of stress. Leslie's unhappy. I'm...I'm trying to hold onto something to keep me up..."
"This Tia girl?" interrupts Mr. Brooks, his lips tightening.
"That's...that's besides the point," stammers Jimmy, not sure how to address that. "I need time...need time to think. I appreciate what you've done, but it's no good if..."
"Jimmy, where's all this coming from? It's like I don't know what you need or want, like I don't know you," says his father.
With that last remark, he turns, leaves, the gym door clattering behind him. Jimmy sinks his head in his hands, tears trickling down, his back hunched. Just the thought of Ashley lying in some hospital bed, then Leslie looking at him when he announced she had a heart attack, the stares from her parents and Toby that screamed "You don't belong." He audibly cries, the noise outdoing another sound, of someone coming through the door. Spinner.
"Jimmy, what's wrong?" says Spinner, quickly walking over to him.
"Spinner...Spin, I ruined it...ruined it all," chokes out Jimmy. "My marriage...my kid...now, my dad's respect. That last one, I don't think I ever had."
"Hey, man, relax," says Spinner.
"No...no, Spin. There's so much guilt...what am I going to do?" breathes Jimmy.
Spinner hugs Jimmy, Jimmy being ashamed that he's letting his tears coat Spinner's shirt.
"You're talking to like the king of guilt, okay?" says Spinner.
"The king of guilt?" whispers Jimmy, his mind nearly blank.
"I know the chair's a part of you now, but come on, you know you're in there because of me."
Jimmy nods solemnly.
"You gotta forgive yourself. Don't let your dad pick you apart, or anyone else. I still wrestle with it, whenever I see you, but I decided...awhile ago, that once you forgave me, and I forgave myself, that other stuff would work itself out. And it has...right?"
"Yeah," says Jimmy. "I just feel alone...sometimes. Like everyone hates me."
"I don't hate you, man," argues Spinner, hugging him tighter.
"Yes, you do. You should. I deserve to be alone."
"No. You've got me, Jimmy. You've always got me."
Jimmy cries some more, wraps his arms around Spinner. Finally, the peace in the gym gives way to a building peace in his heart.
III.
"I was thinking a skull or a python," says Jack, pouring himself some orange juice.
Spike hits him upside his blonde head, puts a plate of French toast in front of him.
"You're not getting a tattoo at twelve," says Spike, then chomping into some bacon.
"Girls think it's cool," says Jack.
He beams at Manny, spooning yogurt into her mouth. "Right, Manny?"
"I don't date inked guys...never have," replies Manny.
"Spinner wasn't? I thought..." began Emma.
"He was pierced. Craig...spotless. J.T...well, J.T. was too much of a wimp to get one," says Manny. "My fiancee...nope."
Emma finishes her food, and puts the plate in the sink. "Whatever."
Spike, Manny, and Jack continue talking about the attractiveness of tattoos, while Snake pulls Emma aside into the living room.
"How are you?" asks Snake.
"I'm...fine, for the fifty millionth time," says Emma, in an annoyed tone. "But I'd really appreciate you and Mom not looking at my plate through every single meal."
"Em, you know why we're doing it. We're worried," says Snake.
"I'm well nourished. I even chowed down Mom's famously bad French toast. Can we drop it?"
Snake smiles. "I'm sorry. You're an adult now. We just...I trust you."
"Thank you," says Emma, kissing him on top of his head.
"There used to be a time when you couldn't do that," reminds Snake.
Emma grins. "Daughters have the tendency to grow."
"Can you tell Manny to move that pink limo?" asks Snake. "It's an eyesore first thing in the morning. It's...too...pink."
Going over to Manny, who is still wolfing down her yogurt, she yanks her up lightly by the arm and they head for her room. Jack tries to follow, but is dragged down back to his seat by Snake. Once inside, Manny scoops the last of it into her mouth, then puts on her low heels.
"It's really a shame about Ashley," says Manny. "I mean, we never got along, but it's sad."
"And Craig?" says Emma, giving her a knowing look.
"Craig is Craig, and that's all I have to say," replies Manny. "Ancient history is just that...ancient history."
"Well, thanks for being here, Manny," says Emma. "And you're deserting me today."
Emma lays her head on Manny's shoulder. Having her there had made Sean's absence more bearable.
"I only wish I wasn't leaving you so unhappy, though," says Manny, pouting. "Ugh, just come to Malibu and we'll party all the time. It'll be like Laguna Beach, only less skeezy. We'll get crunk."
"Let's go," says Emma, laughing. "How much outdated slang can you use in one trip?"
Manny puts on some gem-encrusted sunglasses, strikes a pose. "A lot. Let's get it crack-a-lackin.'"
IV.
Ashley slides Craig's fingers into her own, then she knocks timidly on the office door. Still in her hospital gown, they also supplied her with pants when she told them she'd like to speak with Dr. Gill. Twenty minutes later, Craig came to fetch her. She's surprised by the deep, monotone voice that beckons them in. She's even more surprised to see her mother, father, and Chris seated, serious expressions on all their faces. Dr. Gill is the only one to smile at her.
"Ah, Ashley," greets Dr. Gill. "You're looking better."
"Feeling better," says Ashley, hesitantly sitting next to her mother.
Craig pulls up a chair, and sits next to Ashley, holding her hand.
"I assume Craig's talked with you about what I feel is in your best interest," says Dr. Gill.
Ashley bites her lip. "With all due respect, while I understand your point of view, I don't think it's in my best interest. What's in my best interest is to stay and fight for my daughter."
"The court case can be delayed, Ashley," speaks up Kate. "Your health is way more important."
"Which is why I've agreed to have treatment, but here," says Ashley.
"Have you taken a look out there, Ash?" says Robert. "Journalists are hungry, intrusive, chomping at the bit. I should know. You should know. We work with them."
"I know that it won't be...very private," says Ashley, calmly.
"Ashley, your stress level is very high. Removing yourself from the environment of the case, from the environment that got you hooked on these pills would be ideal. Do you know how many pills you took yesterday?" says Dr. Gill.
Ashley casts Craig a look, and Craig appears anxious, nervous to hear her answer.
"No," says Ashley. "I was distraught. I'm not usually like that. Tell them, Craig."
Craig says nothing, which makes Ashley's forehead throb. Why isn't he coming to my defense?
"We need to wean you off of these pills, for the sake of yourself, your family, your friends. You need to look at you, and not others for awhile. That's why researching programs further away is beneficial," says Dr. Gill.
"Start searching, doctor," says Robert.
"Dad! I'm an adult! I'm not going!" argues Ashley.
"Ashley, we know you're an adult, but you're fragile right now," says Kate.
"We only want what's best for you," adds Chris.
Ashley can feel the room moving in on her. She turns to Craig, who lets her hand go.
"Craig," she whispers. "Don't let them tear us apart. Come on, we talked about this."
Craig finally speaks, but Ashley can tell it's not what she wants to hear.
"Dr. Gill is right, Ash. I'm sorry, but you do need to focus on you. It's like Ellie said. You care about everyone, and neglect yourself. You don't have to be tired anymore, or reaching for these pills, and you can be relaxed and healthy before the case starts again."
Ashley blinks back tears, stares at Dr. Gill.
"Ashley, if I'm figuring this all out right, you started these because again, you didn't want to trouble the waters. For your husband, or daughter. Now, the Tricyclin is what's troubling the waters. They need not be troubled."
Ashley stands, the heat rising in her face, pushing away Craig's arm when he tries to touch her.
"It seems like you're all deciding for me," says Ashley. "Now I know how Jimmy feels."
"It is your decision, Ashley," says Dr. Gill.
"My decision, doctor?" says Ashley, coldly. "My decision is that I'm not going anywhere."
Ashley exits the office, relieved that cool air blows into her face. How could they? Even Craig? She could get better right there in Toronto. She knows she could. Footsteps follow hers. Craig moves right in front of her.
"Move!" exclaims Ashley.
"Ash, we're not against you, alright?" says Craig.
"Yeah, and I bet you didn't know that my parents were in there, huh?"
"I didn't!"
Ashley shakes her head, moving quickly towards her hospital room. "Why are you trying to get rid of me? Am I too much of a hassle?"
"You're never a hassle! Slow down, so we can talk."
"I'm through talking!" yells Ashley, shutting the door in his face.
The door rattles, and Ashley slides to the floor, crying. How many more delimmas would take over her life? How much more can she stand? There are no pills for comfort, no Craig for comfort. She takes a pillow from her bed, rocks with it, as she sits on the cold sheets.
V.
Pacing back and forth between Ashley's room and Dr. Gill's, Craig grips his hair with his hands. I am on her side, thinks Craig. However, deep down, he knows, knows the doctor is probably right. Kate catches him mid-pace.
"She'll understand," assures Kate. "She's hurt, but she'll understand."
"What if she won't do it?" says Craig. "She was adamant about staying. You should've heard her before."
"And we were adamant that Dr. Gill prescribe what is best. That's why we were in there. Craig, you care about her so much, but so do we. We don't want to twist her arm. And I think...I think Dr. Gill is right. You can convince her."
Craig drops his hand, lets out a deep breath. "It's way too hot in here."
Kate smiles. "If you ran some errands, would that cool you off?"
"Yeah," says Craig, though it didn't sound sure, he knew.
"Ashley needs a fresh change of clothes, and Jeff is still away. Could you?"
"Sure."
At that moment, Kate hugs Craig, and it has to be the most awkward, and rewarding hug he's received. Speechless, Craig grins at her, Kate grinning back. He goes outside, beaming.
Reporters jog towards him, and he moans. Can I have one day of rest? Looking left and right, he heads right, then remembers something.
"My car!" he whispers. "I left it at Dwayne's."
He slaps his forehead. The reporters are getting closer, and Craig goes to the parking lot, pretending he actually does have a vehicle parked on the premises. A horn sounds, and he looks around, unsure of where it's coming from.
"Hey tall, dark, and unbelievably handsome!" calls a girlish voice that sounds very familiar.
Locating the voice, he sees a pink limo heading towards him, Manny's head sticking out.
"Manny!" he exclaims, smiling. "What are you doing here?"
"Watching you escape the paparazzi," says Manny. "Oh, and I gave Emma a lift. She went in through the side door. Hop in."
Craig glances back at the reporters, running to him. He opens the limousine door, scoots in next to Manny.
"Hey," says Craig, hugging her gently.
"That's it?" says Manny, giving him a bigger hug. "I must've lost my touch on you."
"Sorry. I'm...out of it."
"Understandable. You get more press than I do nowadays. I'm not jealous, though. Not at all."
Manny sticks her tongue out at him, and Craig laughs. She offers him a soda, but he declines. It has been awhile since he's seen her up close, several years. It's a nice type of awkwardness, however, like bumping into an old friend in a crowded mall.
"How's Ashley?" asks Manny.
"Better...getting better," says Craig.
"Good," says Manny. "Okay, I don't believe you. You've got that evasive Craig face."
"No...no, I don't."
"Um, yeah, you do. That's the face you used before you dumped me for Ellie, who got dumped because of Ashley. Karma or what? Anyway, you have the face."
"I don't know if I should talk to..."
"Craig, if I still wanted you, I would've jumped on you the moment you got in. I'm a friend, a good listener, and pretty to look at, so I'm the perfect person to have a convo with."
Craig swallows a lump in his throat. "You know about her overdosing, I assume?"
"I heard about it," says Manny, nodding.
"Her doctor's recommending rehab," says Craig. "It's not like she's a druggie or anything..."
"Craig, wasn't thinking that," interrupts Manny. "Some of my closest friends were in rehab. I'm not judging her. I don't judge, and you know that."
Craig smiles at her. "I know."
"Have you settled on a place?" inquires Manny.
"No...not yet. It has to be private, a really good place."
Manny fiddles with her purse, unzips it. Craig watches her curiously. She looked so grown-up, so different. Taking out a business card, she scribbles a phone number and a name on it.
"Serenity in Malibu," says Manny. "Excellent security, peaceful, good meals, top doctors. A Hilton sister went there, forgot which one. There are smaller celebrities there too, people like Ashley. My make-up artist went, and I visited her sometimes. Really nice."
Craig reads the number, the name. Glancing at Manny, beaming at him, he decides to run it by Dr. Gill.
"You don't have to tell her I gave you that," says Manny. "Just want to help you two out. Not like high school, right?"
"Thanks...thanks a lot, Manny," says Craig.
"What are sexy exes for?" says Manny. "And friends."
"Friends," says Craig, kissing her hand.
"Aww, you're making me all swoony again," jokes Manny.
She taps the screen that separates them and the driver, and the screen lowers, revealing a burly man in a tuxedo.
"Where do you need to go?" asks Manny.
"Um...the Lucky Clover, a bar on Degrassi Street," answers Craig.
"Driver, we're going to the Lucky Clover, then coming back for Miss Emma," commands Manny.
The driver salutes Manny. "Yes, Miss Manny."
"I make him say that," says Manny, as the screen goes up. "You like the limo?"
"It's pink," says Craig.
"So you like it?" says Manny.
"It's pink," repeats Craig.
"You're just jealous," says Manny, with a wink.