XXX. Nothing Can Change This Love
Nothing Can Change This Love is the property of Sam Cooke.
If I go a million miles away
I write a letter each and every day
'Cause honey, nothin',
Nothin' can ever change this love
I have for you
Ooh, make me weep,
You can make me cry
See me comin'
And you can pass me by
I know that nothin',
nothin' can ever change this love
I have for you
Oh, you're the apple of my eye
You're cherrie pie
Oh you're cake and ice cream
You're sugar and spice
And everything nice
You're the boy of my, my, my dreams
If you wanted to leave me
And roam
When you get back
I'd just say
Welcome home,
I know that nothin',
Nothin' can ever change the love
I have for you
I know that nothin',
Nothin' can ever change the love
I have for you
Releasing Jimmy from her grasp, Ashley immediately finds Kate, and falls into her arms. Paige and Ellie walk up to her, patting her back at the same time. Robert and Chris beam at her. It's a circle of warmth that seems unreal, like this whole nightmare had never happened. Did Jimmy really drop the suit, agree to joint custody, end it all? Glancing at his smiling face as he shakes hands with his father, Ashley finally believes it. Ashley searches for Liberty, finds her being congratulated by Judge Winton.
"Your rhetorical skills are simply excellent, Miss Van Zandt," Ashley overhears Judge Winton saying. "You have a bright future ahead of you."
"Thank you, your honor," says Liberty, blushing. "Passions wins over vengeance every time."
"It certainly does," says Judge Winton, then nodding at Ashley. "I'll be seeing you soon, Miss Kerwin. Congratulations."
"Thank you, your honor," says Ashley.
Liberty sighs, turns to Ashley as Judge Winton walks over to Jimmy.
"I was on pins and needles there for awhile," admits Liberty.
"Liberty, there's no way I can repay you for all the time and effort you've put into this. As for payment..."
"Ashley," interrupts Liberty. "Craig paid me."
"He did?" says Ashley, softly.
She looks for Craig, but he's nowhere to be seen.
"Yeah, at a reduced rate. Since you guys have given me worldwide recognition for this case, there's no way I'm making you pay the full rate. Nah, with Craig's money, I can pay my bills and any expenses for Jake for quite awhile. Thanks."
"I want to repay you some way...um, I'm taking Paige out later. Do you want to come? Let me buy you dinner."
Liberty grins. "Okay, yeah. I don't get to have girls' night a lot."
"Good," says Ashley. "I'm just going to find Paige and Ellie.."
Ashley weaves to the crowd, honestly looking for Paige and Ellie, but really hoping to catch sight of Craig. He took care of the bill. She was so stubborn in the hospital, and he took care of the bill. He must've paid Liberty before she entered the courtroom that day, not sure of what would happen. Knowing him, he would've kept paying. I'm such an idiot, she thinks.
She feels a strong hand on her shoulder, obviously male. Craig. She turns around, and it isn't him.
"Jimmy tells me you might be going to a rehabilitation facility," says Mr. Brooks, straightening his tie.
Ashley arches her eyebrows. He was the last person she thought would be speaking to her, even after Jimmy's newfound decision. His brow's sweating, so she's sure this isn't easy for him either.
"I might," says Ashley.
"I just wanted you to know that I remember all those days, months, years you were there with me and my wife, supporting Jimmy, night and day. You cried with us, laughed with us. I enjoyed having you as a daughter-in-law. But that era has come to an end, obviously."
"Yes, sir."
Mr. Brooks smiles at her. "I put you through torture, caused a lot of hurt. I'm sorry for that, sorry to you and to Kate and Robert...and Craig."
The last name barely rolls out, but at least he said it, and that makes Ashley smile for the first time in this conversation.
"If it's alright, I would like to pay for your stay at whatever facility you choose," says Mr. Brooks. "It's not a loan, and it's until you get in first-rate condition. You treated my son well, and I'd like to make sure you get well."
Ashley looks down, not clear what to say. This is a huge offer, and so unexpected. Suddenly, she sees that Kate is standing next to her, apparently having heard the conversation.
"This isn't guilt money?" inquires Kate.
"It is, to be honest. But it's also an extension of friendship, a friendship for the sake of Leslie. Does that sound viable, Kate?" says Mr. Brooks, reaching out for her hand.
Kate stares at Ashley for a second, puts her hand in Mr. Brooks'. "We'll work something out."
Mr. Brooks' face relaxes, and Ashley finds her own doing the same. Kate grins as well.
"So how good is my granddaughter's singing voice?" asks Mr. Brooks.
"Amazingly good," replies Ashley. "She's what you'd like to call a winner."
"Like mother, like daughter," says Kate, hugging Ashley to her chest.
II.
After jetting past the reporters, Craig drove to 717 Carter Avenue. The sun is setting, and it must've been about the same time it was when he first brought Ashley here. The air seems less fragrant, a bit chilly, and Craig sluggishly leaves the car and enters the home they'd worked so hard on. Going to the desk, he slouches in a chair, absent-mindedly touches a pad of lined paper.
Wasn't this all supposed to work out? That's what he told himself for days, meant to happen for days. Jimmy had wonderfully agreed to joint custody, but Ashley wasn't with him, and now Leslie's room would remain empty, unpainted. He's so sad he can't even think of lyrics. This is rare for him. Whenever he got that sad, he'd always been able to compose a song, right what he felt. It's hard to write that when you feel nothing, feel numb.
He's surprised to hear the doorbell as he stares at the empty page, but does after about seven rings. He opens to the door to a startled Marco.
"Thought you weren't home," says Marco.
"Yeah...home. Home was what it was supposed to be," says Craig, shaking his head, on his way back to the den.
Marco pulls him back. "Oh no, you don't. I didn't come all the way here to see you mope. What's that song say? Cheer up, emo kid."
"Why?" says Craig, flopping onto the couch in the main room. "Ashley hates me. I'm trying to do what she needs, and she hates me."
"Okay, you can't say stuff like I already know all the info. Start from the beginning."
Craig shrugs, tells Marco about the hospital stay, which he already knew about since he'd sent all three of the fruit baskets; the result of the court case, which he'd heard on the radio; the possibility of Ashley going to rehab, and her decision, which made Craig relieved since that was actually fresh information to Marco.
"Rehab? Wow. It sounds like she has to go, though," says Marco.
"Yeah. But I don't want her to go, be without her for that huge amount of time. The case has taken up so much already, time we could've spent being together without all these worries. It's this sick pattern where we're happy for five minutes, and then drama comes knocking," laments Craig.
"Yeah, you guys have always had it rough. A lot of tests, but you pass all of them. This just has to be the next one."
Craig massages his temple. "So what do I do?"
"I'm going to pull some advice out of the vault," replies Marco. "I told you this in grade ten. You have to tell her how you feel. Don't let her distract you, don't get nervous, just tell her. And like I said then, if you don't tell her, you've lost her already."
"She won't...she won't speak to me."
Marco takes his cell phone from his pants and starts to dial. Craig gives him a puzzled look.
"What are you doing?" he says.
Marco puts a finger to his lips. "Hey, El? You said you were at some girls' night thing? No...no, I never had an Orlando Bloom poster on my wall. What is Paige telling you, guys? Yeah, well, she's wrong...is Ash there? Okay. She needs to come here to Craig's new address...I don't know. Convince her I'm sick...don't tell her I have malaria...think of something else. Alright, bye."
"Um," says Craig.
"Malaria, honestly," says Marco, laughing to himself.
"So are we cool?" says Craig, hopefully.
Marco rolls his eyes. "If Jimmy and El can forgive you, then...we're cool."
Craig and Marco bump fists, and Craig noogies Marco.
"My hair, man!" protests Marco.
III.
Ellie clicks off her cell, whistles as she retakes her seat next to Liberty, who is explaining the greater joys of childbirth, which includes sweat, blood, and tears.
"Sounds rock and roll when you put it like that, doesn't it, Ash?" chirps Ellie, digging her fork into her macaroni.
"Disgrossting," comments Paige, about to upchuck her chicken. "Why don't men have to go through anything?"
"Seriously," says Ashley, stabbing her baked potato with a fork.
"Men aren't all bad," says Ellie.
Everyone stares blankly at her.
"Okay, they're pretty bad," retracts Ellie. "But there are some good ones."
"Like Sean?" teases Paige, less queasy.
Ellie turns red. "Whatev."
"He is a good kisser," chimes in Ashley.
"Ash!" exclaims Ellie, throwing a roll at her.
Ashley ducks and laughs.
"Craig's a good guy," compliments Liberty.
Ellie watches Ashley's face go from playful to thoughtful. Ugh, why did Marco place this responsibility in her hands? She had no idea what to do about the Sean situation, let alone how to get Ash to the house. She has to do something.
"I'm full," says Ellie, dotting her mouth with the napkin.
"I'm tired," says Liberty.
"I'm gassy," moans Paige. "Help up please."
Ellie and Liberty help Paige rise to her feet, Ashley also standing. Paige's phone rings, and she glances down and announces Spinner's there. Paige walks over and hugs Ashley.
"Thanks, hon, for the celebration," says Paige. "But having two things to celebrate in one day is pretty exhausting. Give Leslie a kiss for me."
"Sure thing," replies Ashley. "Liberty, you ready?"
"Yeah," says Liberty.
Ellie coughs. "Um...I can drive you home, Ash. No reason to trouble Liberty. You said you were tired, Liberty, so it's not a problem."
"I'm near Kate's, so it wouldn't be a problem actually," explains Liberty.
"But...but Marco's sick! He has...uh, diarrhea!" cries Ellie.
Several people in the restaurant glance over at them after Ellie's comment.
"Diarrhea!" screams a toddler, laughing. "You've got diarrhea!"
"Chronic diarrhea," adds Ellie. "He's at Craig, right now, and we gotta get him to the hospital. Are you going to abandon him after he sent all those fruit baskets, called to see if you were okay? Ash, what kind of friend, are you?"
Ashley opens her mouth, then closes it.
"I don't think it's that serious," says Liberty.
"No offense, but...you're a lawyer, not a doctor. So...let's go!" says Ellie, grabbing Ashley's hand.
They jog out of the restaurant, and Ellie fetches her keys quickly, before Ashley can speak anymore.
"There's something on your windshield," says Ashley, nodding to the hood of Ellie's car.
Ellie looks up, and indeed, there's a small, white envelope. She opens the door for Ashley, tears the envelope open. Inside are car directions, and a small note: Ten A.M. tomorrow. Come to Wasaga. Ellie hopes Ashley hasn't noticed that she's turned several shades of red. Sean.
She slides into her car, adjusts the rear view mirror.
"What is it?" questions Ashley.
"They're trying to sell me hair cream," lies Ellie, pretty unconvincingly. "It's...never mind. Marco. We have to see him. Buckle up."
Ashley buckles her seatbelt, stares innocently ahead as Ellie drives. Ellie admits to herself that yes, it's deceitful, but if it would get her to the facility, it is the best thing. A little lie never hurt, she thinks, staring at the note in her lap.
IV.
With shaking hands, Craig tosses a shirt into the washer, and presses the power button. The rolling sound of the machine fills the house, and he's grateful for that because the quiet was forcing him to think. After Marco put his master plan into action, he left without a word, leaving Craig to fend for himself. Tell her how he felt? Sometimes that was easy, sometimes that was hard. This time? One of the harder ones, maybe the hardest, even after that whole thing with Manny.
"Ugh," mutters Craig.
The doorbell rings and he drops a sock. Taking a big breath, he goes to the door, and opens the door to a concerned Ashley. She doesn't speak to him, walks right past.
"Marco!" she calls. "Marco, we're taking you to the hospital!"
Craig stares at her back, biting his lip.
Ashley looks at him for a moment, clearly confused, then outside. They both hear Ellie's tires screech as her car takes off.
"Wow, who knew Ellie was such a speed demon," says Craig, smiling at Ashley.
Ashley bumps him aside, goes into the room with the washing machine.
"Oh, so you're not talking to me, like, ever?" asks Craig, following her.
She turns off the machine, stares disgustedly at the contents, and starts pulling things out. Craig gasps.
"I was washing those!" he exclaims.
"You don't put colors in with whites!" snaps Ashley. "Any six-year old knows that. And the setting for it is all wrong."
"I was distracted," says Craig softly.
Ashley doesn't reply, just starts separating the clothes. Craig continues to gaze at her, reaching for that courage he knows is floating in his heart. If she didn't go, things will get worse, he reasons.
"What is this?" says Ashley, putting a wet pair of panties in his face.
"They're yours," defends Craig. "I mean, you left some stuff at the hospital and the nurse gave them to Kate, who gave them to me."
"I don't want you washing my panties!" shouts Ashley, throwing them down on the floor.
"I was trying to do something good for you!" shouts Craig. "I love you."
"I'm so sick of you deciding what's good for me. Don't I get a say?"
"Not when you're acting all stubborn and jeopardizing your health!" yells Craig.
Ashley lightly pushes him. "You're jeopardizing our relationship! You're putting this huge gap between us."
"You think I want to!" shouts Craig. "I want you to stay! But you can't because that's not going to help."
"I don't want to leave you!" yells Ashley. "I'm finally making a decision to be with you, not like when I went to England, not like when I married Jimmy. I'm choosing to be yours! You let me go before, and it hurt us. You're doing it again! We're not going to make it!"
"Stop doubting us!" says Craig, pulling Ashley closer to him.
Ashley feels the warmth of his breath on his face, sweat rolling down her neck. "Stop yelling at me! Let's talk like civil human beings!"
"If it's the only way I can be heard, I'm going to yell! I love you and I don't want to lose you permanently. I don't want you to die! There we've talked! Are you happy!"
Ashley looks up into his eyes. "I don't want to talk!"
"What?" whispers Craig, breathing hard.
Ashley grabs his face, kisses him maddeningly, until it gets tougher for her to breathe. Craig follows suit, running his hands through her hair. He knocks a laundry basket off the machine, props Ashley up on it, moving his lips with hers the entire time. They break apart for a minute, Craig unzipping her light jacket.
"Why are you wearing layers?" whispers Craig, as Ashley shrugs off the jacket.
"Because it bothers you," replies Ashley breathily, pulling Craig's shirt off.
Craig smiles, kisses her more intensely, Ashley fiddling with his belt. She gets it off, drops it to the floor. Craig inches them off, kicking them to the side.
"Good thing we're near the washing machine, because it's about to get real dirty in here," says Ashley, sliding off the machine.
"In here? You don't want to go to the bedroom..."
"It's our house, right?" says Ashley, taking off her shirt, unclasping her bra.
Craig grins giddily, retrieves a blanket from the fallen laundry basket. Ashley takes it from him, tosses it down, pulls him down with her. She kisses his shoulder, then his mouth.
"I have to be dreaming," moans Craig, as Ashley unbuttons her jeans.
"As long as it's about me," whispers Ashley, as Craig collects her in his arms.
"Always," assures Craig.
Craig puts the blanket over them, and it feels so natural, to protect her, keep her warm. He may've not been able to guard her before, but under here, it's a different story. Turning pink, Ashley slides off her underwear. Craig does the same, lovingly stares at her.
"We should do it in every room in the house," whispers Ashley, giggling.
"Don't tease me," says Craig, pulling her to him.
Craig's feathery kisses go up and down her neck, her shoulders, near her bellybutton. He swears he's never been with her like this before, this new thirst for one another. All the coldness has slipped away. There's only hot fire, a soul meeting a soul. Hands slip upward, downward, sideways over places they only want known to one another from now on. Tonight, there's no separation, no anxiety. Gazing into her blue eyes, yes, he can only see himself there, only love there.
Ashley puts her head on his chest, her soft skin caressing his.
"So you'll go?" whispers Craig, still trying to catch his breath.
"Yes," says Ashley, kissing his bare chest.
"Nothing's going to change, Ash," assures Craig. "It'll be like this when you get back."
"My heart may not be that strong, but...yeah, I believe you."
"Is it too early to say I'm going to miss you?" says Craig, putting more of the blanket over her.
He feels what he thinks is a tear on his chest.
"No," says Ashley.