A/N:
Oh my God. I had this dream last night and I thought I would tell it…
Because it features almost all the charries of Fruits Basket.
Warnings: Swearing, naked people and ME. Yeah, I'm in there, because I was in my dream.
Disclaimer: I don't even own myself, dammit.
NOTE: I don't know if you've ever heard of Spotlight, but... yeah… it sells fabrics so you can make stuff.
ALSO NOTE: Stephanie/Steph is me.
It was a warm, summers morning, as far as Steph could tell. From her surroundings, she could tell she wasn't in her bedroom anymore. She sat up.
"Gawd dammit, where the hell am I now?" She paused and looked around. "Did I get drunk or something?"
There was a rustling from behind the black-haired girl. She turned.
"Shh. I wasn't here, you understand?" Came a voice from a second-hand clothes rack. "Akito told me never to go to Spotlight!"
Stephanie raised an eyebrow. "Rin?"
"I said 'shh' damn you!"
Stephanie walked over to the poor girl and pet her head.
"Good horsie. Now, what's the matter?"
Rin came out from her hiding place and looking around cautiously. Stephanie's head was spinning; could this really be happening?
"This is my secret place where I see Haru." Rin explained, as she flicked a stray bra from her shoulder. "He should be here soon."
Steph grinned. "That's cute."
"And that stupid cat… he'll be here too. Because Haru can't tell where he's going, 'cos he's always so high."
Steph nodded in agreement; Haru should lay off those drugs! She blinked.
"Did you say Kyo was coming?"
Rin looked up. "Yeah."
Yes. Steph said mentally. No more angsting for me.
The was clanging sound and the electric doors opened. The two dazed girls turned. It was only Akito. Wait. Akito!
"Rin! Run! Ren!"
"Why'd you say Ren?" Rin asked as they both began to walk away from the crazed woman behind them.
"It was an accident. It seemed appropriate at that time."
You see, Rin and Steph weren't running because Akito was crawling like the freaky boy from Scary Movie 4, because her legs currently weren't working. Her hair was flopped across her face like a dangly reproductive organ.
"Ya know," Stephanie said to Rin as they walked. "Yesterday, I dibbed Kyo's reproductive organs."
Rin had a distressed look on her face. "You have a disease."
"Yes." Steph sniffed angstly. "Yes I do."
"Get back here you meddling kids!" Akito hollered angrily. "Get!"
The electric doors clanged open again to reveal the sounds of two arguing men.
"Dammit Haru, you're such an idiot! Why drag me into all of this?"
"Because, you know where to go and I don't."
"Why do you even need to see HER?"
"Because! It's something you don't need to know!"
There was a pause. "Whatever."
Rin yanked on Steph's sleeve. "They're here." She whispered.
Steph's head whipped around. One of her two piggy tailed whacked her in the eye.
"Crap!" She yelled, clutching her face. One of the people in front of her laughed.
"You suck."
"No." Steph said through gritted teeth. "You suck. You suck angry monkeys testis."
She gave her eye one last rub and looked up. She gasped.
"Is that any way to treat me?"
Silence.
"Are ya just gonna stand there?"
Silence.
"Fine."
Kyo went away. Steph pointed at Rin.
"That was all your fault."
Rin nodded. "I know."
Haru and Rin wandered off somewhere to make-out, whilst Steph sat around and watched out for Akito. Haru had said she might come, just to shine bright lights on the two passionate lovers and poke their stomachs with bendy straws.
"And bendy straws are just as scary as Kisa's developing boob." Haru concluded with a mouthful of tongue. "Yup."
Just at that point, Akito came rolling along like that freaky kid does. She gave a terrible glare to the poor child before rolling towards Rin and Haru.
"Haven't you ever been in love?" Steph yelled at Akito, just as she was about to reach for her bendy straw. "Haven't you?"
Steph knew very well about Shiggy and his manhood.
"No one asked you!" Akito yelled angrily, before curling up underneath a rack of pillowcases and sheets. "Shutup!"
Steph shook her head and pointed to the lust-stricken teens.
"Akki-chan, you know very well this is the scene you and Shiggy used to be in. In this exact store too!"
Akito shook her head sadly and began to cry.
"It's all true!"
Then she stood up and ran out.
"My work here is done." Steph said with a nod of her head, before a flash of light engulfed her.
.xxx.
My head…Steph seemed to be in a shop that sold only toothpaste.
Weird… I have the sudden feeling that my tooth hurts. Maybe I should go with the flow.
A young, brown haired girl stood at the counter, along with an old man.
"Hello." Stephanie said to them. "My tooth hurts and the toothpaste you prescribed me didn't work."
The brown haired girl jumped.
"Oh no! I am so sorry! That was my fault. See, I am an apprentice here, working for my Grandfather over the summer school holidays! I don't really know what I'm doing, so I didn't mean to give you the wrong paste! Oooh! Grandpa!"
Steph sweat dropped; Tohru was such a fool.
"Yarr Tohru, me lassie. I be an old, scurvy dog, but I aint a scurvy dog!" Came a rough and tumble mans voice from behind the desk. It was the old man. Steph stared. "Yarr!" he hollered at her.
"Argh!"
Tohru giggled softly. "That's my Grandpa. He'll help you now."
The man, with a clothes peg for a left leg wandered out and reached into a box behind a pile of 'Minty Horse Sperm' flavoured toothpaste.
"Now, see here Lass." He said to Steph. She looked at him, an eyebrow raised. "The stuff here Tohru gave you before, didn't work… because you have excess plaque build up around the gum line. The only thing that'll repair that is a photo frame containing the 1987 Essendon Bomber's football club team photo."
Stephanie's eyes bulged; was this man a nutter?
Tohru's Grandpa then proceeded to rub the corner of the photo frame against Steph's teeth. Then, once again, Stephanie was transported to another place.
.xxx.
A back door? Sounds sexual.
Steph stared at the door before her. It definitely wasn't a front door, or a side door, or even a toilet door! This was a back door; one of the most sexual doors on earth.
The girl pushed it open. It squeaked noisily as she stepped inside and closed it behind her. Her ears were suddenly filled with the orgasmic sounds of moaning.
"Oooh! What do we have here?"
Steph wandered down the bleak, endless hallway and followed the sound, until she came to a room, with a couch. The couch seemed to be bouncing. Steph walked to the other side and saw…
"SHIGGY AND REN!" Steph scorned, wagging a finger at the lusty pair. "How could you?"
Ren sat up and flung Shiggy out the window. But he flew away in the end with his super, 1337 skillz. She covered her body with a towel.
"You!" She said meanly. "What do you want?"
"To leave Akki alone. If you don't, she'll keep chasing Haru for his organs."
Ren blinked and rubbed her forehead. Suddenly, tears came to her eyes. She sniffed.
"I… I never knew I was causing so much trouble!" And with that, she collapsed into a sleep. Sex does make you tired, after all.
Steph prodded Ren's boob before running into the darkness. It shrouded her, on and on until she finally came out at Starbucks Coffee. She seemed to already be sitting down next to someone. That someone had their head in their hands.
"I can't believe it…" came a muffled, males voice from within fists. "I just can't."
Steph petted his knee; for some reason, she knew exactly what to say.
"I'm sorry Kyo… But, ya know… when you told me I could use your reproductive organ so I could bear your children, I was really hoping you weren't drunk…"
"Yeah!" Kyo snapped in return, his head shooting up. "You took advantage of me in a drunken state!"
Steph rubbed her chin. "I guess so." She paused. "You were average sized."
A look of horror swept across the boys face. "Oh my God!"
Stephanie giggled and stood up. "I have to go."
Kyo waved.
.xxx.
The black-haired girl shot up in her bed. Her Nan petted her head.
"Had a nightmare, deary?" She asked sweetly. "Because it's time for school."
Stephanie shook her head. "N-No… just something crazy."
Dammit. She thought in her head as she walked to the shower. Another dream where I didn't magically pull out a sword and start whooping candy on some ass.
A/N:
I seriously had that dream.
Reminds me of that dream Angel-san had… hehe, go me.