In Mt. Naeba, beyond seven mountain ranges, beyond seven rivers from Tokyo-03, a VTOL soared over a hellish winter landscape. They traveled within the glacial pocket's epicenter, a vortex hidden by a snow storm.
At the bottom of the vortex's epicenter was a shadow with no source. The Dirac Sea simply sat in the center of the prefecture's valley and trapped all light and all things within it.
Not too far behind it, a triangle-shaped carrier held the arms of a purple and green titan in a crufixial way.
An Evangelion, Unit-01.
Within the VTOL, nothing stirred, not even the father and son who rested inside of it. They sat far apart, on either end of the VTOL. Gendo Ikari by the exit dock while Shinji Ikari sat closer to the pilot, a conversational, relaxed young man.
Nothing the pilot could say through his headset would possibly alleviate the tension that simmered between the two. The pilot, Matsuda, tapped his thumbs against the control yokes as he navigated the frozen, foggy landscape. Even within this sealed, fortified machine, the pitch of the wind's howl sent a chill through the VTOL.
How many innocent people within the prefecture must've died, flash frozen before they could evacuate…
He shook his head and snuck glances at the rearview mirror. The Commander of NERV, Ikari sat as he always did: leaned forward, hands tented in front of his face. Matsuda was his personal chauffeur for five years, yet never learned a thing about the statuesque man.
His son, Shinji, from what he gathered through gossip, given that his father never spoke of him, tried his best to disappear on his side of the VTOL. The kid's head was hung low, which rested on top of a gift wrapped box, hugged to his chest.
Matsuda chuckled nervously, "How about this weather, huh? A real winter wonderland."
"...Yes." Gendo did not stir, "It appears to be contained within the prefecture."
Strapped next to the Commander's seat was a wide briefcase. Matsuda wasn't sure what was inside of it, all he knew was that Gendo had it with him when Matsuda went to pick him up outside of the Geofront.
From the rear view mirror, Shinji lifted his head, "I've never seen snow before..." He shuffled closer to the cockpit, even though it wasn't necessary due to the headsets they all wore, "Is this what Christmas always looked like before Second Impact?"
He nodded, as he calmly scanned the howling wasteland. "Sure was. If it weren't for the… y'know, lethal sub-zero temperatures, I'd be tempted to take my kids to the Tashiro ski resort."
Shinji offered a weak chuckle in response.
Matsuda cleared his throat, "So… what's in the box?"
Shinji looked down. "It's a birthday present for As- for a friend. She's very sick right now. I went to the store to cheer her up, but-" He snuck a glare at his father. "-This happened before I could drop it off at the hospital."
"That poor kid…" Matsuda shook his head, "For what it's worth, I'm sorry about what happened to her. And to that Ayanami girl, she was a good kid. Quiet, but… good." The pilot glanced at Gendo, to see if that name elicited a reaction. But with everything, the death of the young girl that once sat in the very same spot Shinji sat in did not phase him. "You're a good kid too. Looking out for Soryu like that. She's one lucky girl."
Shinji blinked, taken aback. He smiled meekly, "Thank you," He shifted in his seat, uncomfortable with the praise. "So do we even know what's causing this? It has to be an Angel, right?"
The pilot adjusted his aviators, "Well, I didn't hear any mentions of a Pattern Blue. Still, it's strange though. It looks like this… Dirac Sea ate right into the mountain-"
"-Pilot." Gendo said sternly. Matsuda and Shinji both perked up, "Do not distract Matsuda with meaningless conversation. The air is treacherous."
Matsuda waved his hand, "Ah, it's alright boss." He looked through the rearview mirror to see that Gendo slightly turned his head in his direction. "I mean… yes, Commander."
Shinji shrunk back, "I'm sorry, sir."
"It's all right-" His radar blared from green to red. "-Commander, we have a bogey. Roughly eighty meters in size. Will attempt to hail."
"No need." Gendo said calmly. "That isn't a plane. What is it's position?"
"It's…" Matsuda looked up higher to the sky. "Right above us."
Gendo and Shinji both leaned in to get a better view of the silhouetted flying object.
Matsuda peered at the colossal white figure. It resembled an EVA, with a massive wingspan and a long neck. "Is that a… giant swan?"
Gendo nodded to himself, "Our benefactors have made their move."
The Giant Swan carried a double pronged spear.
It's arm whipped back and with a toss, the spear flew towards them.
With a deafening whistle, the spear broke through the fog, "Contact, contact!" Matsuda yelled as he maneuvered the VTOL. "Hang on, kid!"
They narrowly dodged the massive double pronged spear, which collided against a nearby mountain side. Snow shook from its walls, the vibrations of the wobbling spear echoed even within the plane.
Inside, the VTOL thrashed wildly. Shinji yelped and clutched the box tightly.
"Commander, permission to engage!?"
Gendo stood from his seat, not bothered by the sudden shift in equilibrium. "Yes."
Matsuda armed the VTOL's missiles, AIM-9 Sidewinders, "Engaging!"
Shinji looked out from their rearview mirror as the missile soared towards the white EVA, who made no effort to dodge as it hovered, stationary. Upon collision, a veil of fog obscured its presence.
Matsuda and Shinji leaned in for a closer look. After a stifling moment, the white EVA broke through smoke and fog and dived right past them.
Gendo pushed his glasses back as the plane rocked. "Tell the carrier to make an emergency landing. We'll rendezvous with them and deliver the pilot."
"Copy!" Matsuda flipped on the com switch, "Mirage to Martyr! Requesting immediate-"
The EVA dived snout-first to the earth.
It zoomed past the VTOL and swept it aside.
Shinji thrashed inside of his seat and stared at his father, who did not move an inch as he studied the monstrosity.
The false EVA crashed to the ground on its feet and emitted a massive shockwave.
To no avail, Matsuda attempted to regain control of the backwards flipped VTOL.
"Brace for impact!" Was all he could yell out before Shinji's head whipped against the backseat.
The ground shook.
A high pitched whine lulled him back to consciousness. A sharp wind blew into his ears, followed by a muffled voice. The more he followed this tether, the clearer his vision became.
"Pilot. Get up." Something shook his shoulder roughly as he blinked into consciousness. A blurry figure loomed over top of him.
The figure slowly shifted into focus when he leaned closer and shook his shoulder a second time.
"Wake up, Pilot." His father ordered, almost pleadingly. "Shinji-"
"-Father?"
Gendo stood up instantly and backed away, snow and debris fell off his shoulders.
His father… shielded him?
A gust of wind nearly blew Shinji back to the ground as he attempted to sit up. Even Gendo was nearly thrown off as he dug his feet into the ground and resisted it's force. Tree's crackled and bent against this sharp wind, and pine ferns blew from their branches. Shinji shivered and clung tightly at his winter coat to fight off this alien sensation.
Gendo adjusted his glasses and pulled the hood of his winter coat over his head.
He kneeled back down in front of Shinji, as though to reach out to him. Shinji's body stiffened, unsure how to react.
Gendo reached for the wide, mysterious case that he had brought in the VTOL earlier.
It bonked nonchalantly against Shinji's head. Gendo flipped the case open and revealed the glowing blue contents.
It was a strange rifle that resembled a miniature version of the Positron Cannon, the one Shinji once used against the Angel Ramiel. He strapped the rifle over his shoulder.
"There is no time to waste. We must move to high ground." With that, he turned and walked away.
Shinji sat up, his numbed muscles ached for sleep and nearly convinced him to lay back down.
Across from him, his box was half buried in the snow. He gasped and reached for the half torn present.
Shivering, Shinji stood up and surveyed the land. They were in a dark, foggy, frozen forest. Other than the fire, it was nigh impossible to see anything up close due to intense winds.
Beside him, the VTOL was a scorched wreck. There was parted snow that led to where Shinji stood. His father must have dragged him away from the wreckage. And off to the side, there was a second path that led to a blanketed figure, laid on their back.
A pair of aviators was neatly laid on top of the blanketed body. Shinji's eyes widened, "Mr. Matsuda…"
Gendo faced the corpse. "He was a talented pilot. And was talkative." He bowed, more of a nod than a bow and turned his head towards the forest clearing.
Shinji followed suit. At the far end of the gulch, neon green lights stood out. Unit-01 leaned against the mountainside, covered in snow. The triangular carrier was destroyed.
The MPE rose from below the snow, blended perfectly. The false EVA's head poked from the ground and slithered to a vertical height. It crawled on top of Unit-01, like a spider with a fly in its web.
It licked Unit-01.
Gendo's jaw tightened. "He is dead. And so shall we be if we do not move."
The boy stared at the corpse, "We have to bury-" He looked to see his father walk away, "-Father! We have to bury him." The man ignored him, "Father! Wait!"
He considered his options. Stay and bury Matsuda and be left behind.
Or follow Father, and be left behind.
He tightened his grip on the present meant for Asuka.
"-Father!" Shinji yelped as tripped face first in the snow. As he struggled back to his feet, he felt snow slide down the collar of his sweater.
Shinji looked up to realize Gendo became gradually more blurry as he disappeared in the howling winds.
He scrambled to his feet and attempted wide leaps to catch up to Gendo.
Shinji had heard snow was meant to be soft and fluffy, sort of like sand, yet this snow was dense and icy. It caught his ankles with each step, like drying concrete.
Shinji glanced back to see the white EVA hover in the air. Among the relentless wind, the only way you could even know it was there in the first place was to listen and distinguish from the weighted flap of its feathered wings.
It blended perfectly in the hellish arctic landscape, save for when it presented it's fleshy burns from the missile, as well as it's grinning visage and bloody curled lips.
The thing attempted to lift Unit-01 into the air as it flew, but it's sheer weight would prove too heavy to fly with as it would collapse back to the earth.
Shinji shivered at the sounds of it's echoed, frustrated hisses. He hurried his pace and attempted to jump through the wide footprints his father left behind.
Gendo did not wait for him, or give him so much as a backwards glance when he would trip and fall in the dense, half a meter deep snow.
He called for his father many times, but the howl of the wind muffled his voice.
There was no guarantee the man he followed into the gulch's caves was even his father at all.
Just a stranger in the dense snow storm.
Ikaris and Their Anchors
After an hour, Gendo finally lit a fire from whatever dry wood and kindle they could silently gather outside. Shinji crawled to the fire and hovered his hands over it. He looked up at his father, who squatted on the other side of the fire. "...Thank you."
Gendo moved and sat as far as humanly possible away from Shinji. He didn't tremble from the cold like his Pilot did, only breathed heavily, as though he were incredibly anxious.
After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Shinji looked at the cave's provided a window view of the false EVA, who took test bites of 01. "Father… what do we do?"
He did not respond. Gendo briefly lowered his glasses to inspect the far away figure.
Shinji did the same and scanned it's body. The fleshy burn marks previously inflicted from Matsuda's missiles were gone. The ivory, leather skin was immaculate. Shinji tilted his head, "It heals?"
His father also tilted his head, ever so slightly. "...Correct." Gendo pushed his glasses back. "It possesses an S2 engine that taps into its regenerative properties. When you pilot the EVA, you must consume this organ. It is the only way to permanently kill it."
Shinji shuffled closer, and Gendo scooted away. "I thought it wasn't an Angel, what is-"
"-Concern yourself only with your duties. We shall wait for an opening and sneak our way to the EVA."
The plasma rifle sat off to Gendo's side. Shinji couldn't help but stare at it. "And until then?"
Gendo tented his hands in front of his face. "We wait."
"For what?"
His father's body was turned towards the exit of the cave, his glasses fixated on Unit-01 and its kidnapper.
He didn't respond.
The night was long. The meager fire gave Shinji some warmth, but that was not what kept them both awake, nor was it the abomination that paced outside of their hidden cave. Sharing the cave in each other's presence, after everything that had happened between the two, it was a discomfort that no blanket or conversation could alleviate.
The first thing Shinji glanced at as the morning sun burnt into his peripherals was the strange rifle Gendo had leaned against the cavern's wall. "Good morning."
Gendo did not respond.
Shinji sat up to stare at the cave's exit to inspect the gulch, the present curled tightly against his chest. While it was no longer near pitch black, the relentless storm seems to have grown larger, and more furious. Trees that he saw earlier were gone, likely uprooted by the sheer wind-power. However, they did not sway back and forth, the trees were only ever pulled in one direction, towards the eye of the storm.
The MPE circled around Unit-01, as though it was a holy artifact. Then it sat on its knees in front of it, it's serpentine head lowered down in contemplation.
Unit-01 stood with it's back leaned against the frozen gulch. The spear was stuck to the mountain side not too far away.
It was like this for the entire day. Save for occasional glances at Unit-01, the two kept to themselves in their respective spots.
Gendo sat against the wall of the cave, rifle at his side, hands tented and face concealed.
Shinji would huddle out of eyesight beside the fire, the SDAT helped muffle the relentless wind that bit at their ears, and the box's red wrapping paper would bring warmth and color to the hellish gulch.
Neither of them ever moved from these spots, other than to relieve themselves. Neither wandered away, nor came any closer.
The wind that blew from the cave hit the back of Shinji's head, even with his winter hood over it. He turned sideways and attempted to ignore the two silhouettes in the storm.
The MPE had not moved from it's prayer.
"Pilot, you must angle it correctly." Gendo growled as he worked on the damaged radio.
Shinji lowered the flashlight to get a better view of the circuit board. "I'm trying!"
Gendo removed his glasses and sighed. "It is simple. Hold the flashlight correctly, or get out."
"Out-" Shinji gestured to the crazed MPE outside of the cave, "-Out there?"
"Correct!"
"...If the MPE does indeed possess an S2 engine, then perhaps it is capable of summoning the Dirac Sea as Unit-04 once did." Gendo sat in the same place that Shinji saw him sit when he closed his eyes. He was certain that Gendo might've slept like that. "The vortex was not a factor I considered… The sheer wind power is what must've caused this sudden drop in temperature."
He turned to glance at Shinji, who with trembled fingers, pulled off the headphones of his SDAT.
"Should he kill the false EVA, the Sea shall dissipate, and the natural weather shall return."
Shinji blinked, save for their attempt at repairing a radio, they had not spoken since they arrived at the cave. "Maybe whoever did this is trying to return the earth back to normal?"
Gendo did not turn his head, hands still tented. "I was not speaking to you. I am merely thinking out loud."
"O-oh. Sorry." Shinji offered politely. His teeth chattered as he hugged the present tightly.
He stared at the fire, its embers slowly and unceremoniously died out.
Finally, a gurgle from Shinji's stomach broke the silence. He covered his belly in an attempt to suppress it.
"Save your appetite for the S2 engine." Gendo's head turned ever so slightly his way. "You recall where it is, do you not?"
Images flashed through his mind, and sensations, as though he viewed someone else's life on their behalf. How they crawled on all fours and panted heavily and fished through a body of blue blood. Dig through bone and muscle to bite into- "Yes." Shinji said through gritted teeth as he fought back a gag, the taste of the sour, gamey organ grew familiar. "The heart."
It reminded him of how it was like being out of control of his own body, yet he felt every sensation, even the impulse to continue. He was not controlling someone else's body on their behalf, It was the other way around. Just like with the dummy-plug.
Just like with Toji.
Shinji's hands tightened around the box. He needed to get out, and soon. His eyes glanced again at the rifle.
Another grumple echoed through the cave, but it didn't come from Shinji.
He glanced up to see Gendo shift in place ever so slightly. Shinji blinked in realization. "You're hungry too."
"...I am not."
Shinji stood up. "Father. I'm thinking of checking out that nearby ski resort in a little while for food-"
"-Denied. You will not travel out there alone without supervision."
"You don't have to worry about me. I can manage fine on my own."
"I do not doubt your capabilities to abandon your post. But should you be injured or lost, you will not be able to pilot the EVA." He stood up and Shinji's eyes followed him. Gendo stopped past the fire and stood at the front of the cave with his hands in his pockets, his back turned to Shinj.
"I just thought you would want to be left alone. Y'know, to give you time to think."
Gendo stared at Unit-01's resting form. "My desires are irrelevant. We are leaving."
Still sitting down, Shinji looked up in confusion. "...Now?"
"Correct." Gendo walked past him and stopped at the mouth of the cave. Shinji followed suit, the present in his gave a backwards glance at the box. "Leave it. It will slow you down."
"But-"
"-If it is of such importance, it will be here when you return." He walked out of the cave.
With no wish to be left behind again, Shinji gingerly placed Asuka's present behind a boulder, so it might not get picked away by the wind.
He walked backwards and watched the box until it became obscured by the walls of the cave.
It might have been their distance from the epicenter, or the calm before the second wind, but either way, the inviting pull to its core was lessened. The snow is softer, fluffier even.
It was quiet without it, as though all sound was compact. They didn't have to shout to get their message across.
Still, Gendo would only raise his hand in response to his pilot's prompts for conversation. Then, he would point at the white EVA that stalked and lumbered throughout the forest.
Gendo noticed. its behavior would frequently and spontaneously change. From curious, energetic, furious, to lethargic. As though it cycled through raw impulses.
"...The dummy plug." He said quietly.
"Father, you said to be-"
Gendo raised his hand and pointed back at the MPE, who climbed up past the mountain wall Unit-01 leaned on and high up to the peak of the gulch.
It squatted low, feet and hands together on its perch. It's wings unfolded wide, they stretched and spasmed, the cracks from it echoed throughout the forest.
It resembled a statuesque gargoyle, or a carrion bird.
Shinji tightly wrapped his scarf around his face. He picked up his pace and hopped with wide steps past his father.
At the edge of the gulch Shinji peered around its corner and gasped, "Father!" He whispered sharply. Shinji pointed. "The resort is past this hill, by the lake. We should go inside and-"
"-No."
Shinji turned slowly to see that Gendo had his back turned to him, back to where they came.
"No?"
"Unit-01 would be out of our sight. It cannot be left unsupervised."
The boy stared in disbelief at Gendo. He didn't have to look to see his face, but Gendo knew. "But we're so close?"
"It is the key to humanity's survival." Gendo's fists clenched. "It was a mistake to listen to you. We are going back." He walked back to the cave.
Gendo dared a backwards glance at Shinji, he simply stood there, head hung low. Left behind again.
The boy would follow him to the cave. Eventually.
But then he heard footsteps. Shinji hopped around the snow to block his path. "You saw it yourself. That thing can't fly off with the EVA. Who knows how long we will be waiting? Y-you can't come up with a plan if you're starving. And I can't pilot like that either."
"That is because I have learned to live with hunger." He attempted to move past Shinji.
And in an alien act of defiance, Shinji stepped into his path. "It'll be here when we get back, I promise."
"You do not know what you are gambling with."
"Please?"
Gendo growled. When he looked at the body, his face formed into one that tethered him to this world, one that he could never say no to.
He glanced back at the gulch, then turned to the ski resort. It was downhill, only about a kilometer away. Gendo glanced at his watch, it would take about- "-Twenty minutes. Then we return to the cave."
For the first time since the graveyard, his son smiled at him, not a rehearsed, strained one, but a genuine one. "Thank you."
Shinji eagerly hopped past Gendo and unintentionally brushed his shoulder. Gendo flinched as the boy moved further to the resort. "...Do not wander." He called out.
"I won't!"
Gendo watched Shinji scour shelves and drawers inside a nearby cafe. "I told you, this was a waste of time." He leaned on the door frame, rifle crossed in his hands. "Come, pilot. We are leaving."
Shinji yanked at a frozen drawer, which came free with a crack, "How long has it been?"
He looked at his watch. "...You have five minutes."
The boy gasped as he looked at the contents of the drawer. Gendo raised an eyebrow as Shinji presented him the items from across the cafe, "I found tea bags!"
"Most impressive."
Shinji slumped, "Well if you actually helped-" He looked out the window and nearly dropped his prize, "-Father, look!" The boy motioned quietly to the window.
Gendo turned to where he pointed.
A snow tailed deer, a doe elegantly pranced through the ski resort within rifle range. Gendo slowly squatted down.
The boy squatted next to were both within the door frame, and Gendo did not wish to make any noise to alert the deer, so he chose to endure the boy's presence.
The doe dug through the snow with her hoof, likely in search of grass. Its body shook off the snow with a shudder.
"I can't believe it survived the storm." Shinji said softly. "...Do you remember how Mother used to have a shrine of a deer in the living room?" He looked at Gendo. He did not acknowledge Shinji, so he admired the deer. "I heard there's only a few thousand of them left. Did you know the Shintoists considered them divine messengers?"
Gendo raised his rifle and aimed it at the deer. "Yes."
"No!" The doe lifted her head.
Before Shinji could stop him, Gendo squeezed the trigger and fired a blue bolt of energy that nearly knocked the two off their feet.
The deer was only able to bite out a strangled squeal, cut short as she flew on her back, silent and belly up, her body combusted into blue flames. The doe's legs writhed and twitched briefly before it moved no more.
It was silent, save for the howl of the wind and the gun shot which echoed through the mountains.
Shinji, knocked on his back, panted heavily and he stared at the doe's smoldering corpse. Gendo strode past him. His breathing intensified. "Why did you-I just told you they were sacred!" Gendo pointed back to the valley and motioned for him to be silent. "You shouldn't have done that. It was bad luck."
"Luck is fictitious." Gendo gave Shinji a backwards glance, "As are things that are sacred."
"That's- that's not true!" Shinji shot up and followed Gendo, "You didn't even let me bury Mr. Matsuda. He was your friend, ano now he has to-"
"-He was my pilot. And he does not have to do anything now, because he no longer exists."
"You don't know that."
Gendo did not respond as he slung the rifle over his shoulders and grabbed the deer's burnt legs. "Grab its hind legs, Pilot." He waited for the boy to obey, only to see Shinji stare him down. "You wished for food, did you not?" He lifted the doe's legs, "We have found food."
"If… if…" Shinji stopped and looked down.
"If you have something to say, then say it."
He looked at him, "If mother saw you now, she'd be disgusted." Shinji's breath broke out in mists. "Not that you even care."
Gendo stared at the smoking deer. "...I know." He was quiet. Shinji waited for a retort. "You must not waste time on what others might think of you, especially those who are already dead."
"What are you saying-"
"-You may as well give that box to Matsuda now." Gendo dropped the deer, it's smoldering husk sunk into the snow. Shinji looked down at the deer, who was still sizzled by blue flames, then he looked at the gun. "Sentiment, morality, devotion. You think you will be rewarded if you hold on to these tethers. You are waiting for nothing but disappointment. Grab the legs." He looked down at Shinji, who stared him down. "It has been twenty five minutes."
"I don't want- But if that's not true then… we'll never see mother again." Shinji scanned Gendo's face which revealed nothing. "But you don't care about that, do you?" Gendo's jaw tightened. "Y-you're just worried about being punished!"
Gendo stepped over the deer. He loomed over Shinji and casted a shadow. "You are right. Once my deeds are performed, I will receive retribution, and then I will receive nothing. So will you. So did Rei, and so did Matsuda. It is only fair, do you know why this is?" Shinji backed away and shook his head, the wind began to intensify. "Because man was lost in the void. So they created fictitious things like god, to answer questions they were too afraid to ask themselves."
"You don't know that... We're fighting Angels"
"A name we gave to them."
"But- You really think that nothing in this world matters? There's nothing to hold on to?"
"Correct."
Shinji hung his head in defeat. "There's just… nothing after we die."
"Correct."
A gust of wind blew their way. A flap of wings accompanied it. They two looked at each other in realization and were nearly pulled off their feet by the intensity of the vortex. The Doe was not so lucky.
Shinji yelped and attempted to lunge for the deer's legs, its frozen hind legs slipped out of his gloves. The boy was briefly suspended in the air, a stone sunk in Gendo's stomach as he realized he was being pulled away by the storm.
Without hesitation, he grabbed Shinji's ankle and latched himself onto a tree to keep himself anchored to the ground. The boy looked back at him, a shocked look on his face and the man let out a strained grunt and pulled Shinji towards the tree.
The two glanced at each other, the boy gulped, unsure what to say as the storm grew to a deafening pitch and uprooted trees.
They silently waited there for a brief moment of calm, a gasp for air amidst a bellowing scream. The two ran back to the cave. Gendo and Shinji crouched low as they moved through the forest.
The MPE patrolled around the gulch in mid flight, the flap of its wings like drums that punched through the howling wind.
When they reached Unit-01, who was unscathed in the same spot as they left it, Gendo sighed silently in relief.
In the back of his skull, he felt Shinji look at him with disgust.
The two went back to their original spots in the cave after Gendo relit the meager fire, which was now much smaller.
Shinji clutched the box to his chest tightly and stared at the fire. "...Thank you."
He wasn't sure if Gendo heard him. But after half a minute of silence…
"What for?"
"You saved me. Thank you."
Gendo shifted from his seat and tilted his body away from Shinji. "If you died, you would not have been able to pilot the EVA. I merely fulfilled my duty as Commander."
Shinji sighed, "I know, but still." The silence resumed. "I was so focused on that deer. I just… Didn't want it to go to waste."
"Why do you pity it? Its suffering has ended."
"But it didn't deserve that, it was innocent. Doesn't that bother you?"
"Will you show this same altruism towards the MPE? It is a mindless animal as well."
Shinji's breath hitched. "You don't know that. There could be a person inside there."
"It is piloted solely by the dummy plug. It is without a soul."
"...You don't know-" Shinji lifted his head. "-You said that soul's were fictitious. What else aren't you telling me?"
"I find it convenient that you suddenly find importance in faith."
"It's not about that. It mattered to Mother. She'd be telling you the same thing-"
"-Then you know nothing about her." Gendo turned his head ever so slightly his way. "Yui's family is Christian."
Shinji blinked confusingly, "But what about-" His eyes widened in realization. "-The shrine. That was your family's shrine...wasn't it?"
His father glanced at the present. "It is good that you brought that."
"Why? I-It's not like we can eat it."
"We will need more kindling."
Shinji's eyes widened. "We can't. We'll find something else."
Gendo did not respond.
After a moment he walked towards the fire and opened his coat pocket. He pulled out papers, notes, and tossed them into the fire.
He pulled out a photograph. Shinji leaned to see it and gasped. It was a photo of…
"Mother! So you did keep-" His father tossed the photo in as well. It curled and hissed. "-No! What are you doing!?"
"What is necessary."
Shinji lept towards the fire and reached in to grab the charred photo. With a scream, he dropped the picture and clutched his seared, gloved hand.
Gendo adjusted his glasses, "Now, do you understand?" The boy held the ashes of his mother in his palm. His back raised and convulsed. "Do not waste your time with tears."
The boy pressed his head against the remnants of the photo. He didn't get a good look at her face. "How could you do that!?"
No response, Father calmly sat back down and tented his hands. "...Why don't you care? About anything!?"
Gendo remained unshifted. "Whether I care or not is none of your concern."
Shinji nursed his burned hand, he hesitated. "I almost killed Toji because of you. You replaced Rei, like she was nothing. You let Asuka go out there alone. I could have helped protect her and you just… you just…"
"You are distracting me."
"They're the only reasons that I never tried to-" Shinji slumped his head in defeat. "-You might not care, Ms. Misato might not care, but I do. Asuka- she's the only person left that I care about." He tried to meet his father's eyes. "Not that you know what that's like..."
Gendo turned his head away from him. "I did not recall asking you for your opinion."
…
"...Should we die here." Gendo finally said after another bout of silence. "None of us will carry on the memory of Yui. She would have left for nothing. As would Matsuda… and Rei." He looked at Shinji, "Do you wish for that to be on your hands? He crashed because you distracted him."
Years of neglect and hate boiled to the surface as Shinji looked up and glared at his father.
Enemy.
Shinji stood up and paced back and forth, "He was nice to me! He was kinder to me in five minutes than you ever were in fourteen years!" He fumed, "And don't you dare talk about Mother." He looked down, his fists clenched. "You… You killed her!"
For the first time, he saw emotion from his father. "I did not." Gendo growled.
"You did! You killed her!" Shinji exclaimed.
Gendo's tented hands clenched into fists, "Do not speak again-"
"-Murderer!" Shinji pointed his burnt finger at him, "You murderer! You care about that EVA more than you ever did about Mother! C-coward!"
His father shot up and Shinji flinched involuntarily. He marched in front of him and calmly removed his glasses. "Give me that box." Shinji shook his head, "Now." His jaw clenched. "That's an order."
Shinji stood in between the box and Gendo, "No!"
The stone cold stare slowly shifted into a glare. After ten seconds of the most terrifying stare down Shinji ever experienced in his life, he wished he was facing the MPE.
Anything over this.
Gendo grabbed his shoulders. Shinji attempted to resist but was easily tossed by the much larger man. He braced for a fall and crashed harshly against the rocky floor.
Shinji wheezed, the wind knocked out of him. He watched in horror as his father reached for Asuka's present and moved to drop it in the fire.
He stared at the rifle.
Before Gendo could drop it. He heard the sound of the miniature positron cannon whir to life.
Gendo glanced back to see Shinji aim it right at his back. He held the box in his hands, his brow lowered. "Pilot. Stand down."
"I'm not a pilot, I'm your son!"
"...You understand this is treason."
Shinji pulled the hammer bolt back, the energy within the rifle glowed from blue to purple. "Give. It. Back."
Gendo looked away. "Pull the trigger."
The boy blinked, "W-what?"
"Once I am dead, continue the mission as I ordered. Then report to Fuyutsuki and inform him that he is now acting-"
Shinji pulled the trigger, which shot right past Gendo and into the abyss of the cave. The sheer shockwave extinguished the fire. As Gendo turned to face him, the shot finally made contact against the cave wall and exploded.
The cave shook, and with it, the snow on the mountain side fell and smothered the cave's entrance.
After a moment's hesitation, he nodded and tossed the box at Shinji's feet. Gendo avoided his gaze. There, when the roles were reversed was when the truth was finally exposed to Shinji:
He was afraid of his own son.
Shinji turned off the rifle and tossed it at Gendo's feet. He picked up the box.
"...If you go out there now, you will die." Gendo said through ragged breaths.
The adrenaline washed through Shinji as well and he clenched his shaken, burnt hands into fists. "I don't care."
Gendo nodded. "Then go."
"I will!" Shinji kicked at the snow and cleared an exit out of the cave.
He gave one last backwards glance at his Father, who stared at him, speechless. Shinji reached into his coat pocket and pulled out the SDAT.
At the exit of the cave, Shinji carelessly let it slip from his hands. With that, the boy walked out of the cave and towards Unit-01 and MPE.
Gendo was left alone in the dark, lightless, colorless cave. The only thing that stood out against the endless white was Unit-01. Purple and Green were always her favorite.
He looked down at his old SDAT and clenched his fists.
Shinji panted heavily as he waded through the snow.
The storm made the entire prefecture into nearly an entire white void. It was like being inside of Leilel all over again. But he wasn't lost or untethered in this void, Unit-01 was his beacon. The box in his hands; the compass.
The False EVA kneeled, as though in prayer in front of Unit-01, its head hung low in contemplation. The spear was still impaled into the mountain side, beside Unit-01.
He carefully tiptoed around the two behemoths and clung to the walls of the mountain, he snuck underneath the denser trees, now only a few dozen yards away from his goal. In the past, he had seen Asuka effortlessly scale a fully standing Unit-02, and then climb down, as though she were a mountain goat.
Surely, he could do the same-
He slipped, and as he gripped a nearby branch, it snapped. The crack echoed throughout the frozen gulch.
The false EVA titled it's head ever so slightly. The wind picked up in another direction. Shinji realized that it wasn't from the vortex.
It was sniffing.
The MPE turned its head in Shinji's direction.
He gasped. Shinji covered his mouth and leaned against the trees as he slowly slumped down.
The unnatural thing laid flat on its stomach as it continued to search, it slithered through the snow like a snake. The MPE's sheer weight shifted the snow into avalanches and knocked aside massive trees. It's wings spread wide as they flapped and cleared away the snow. Shinji had to cling onto the tree to not fly away.
Shinji whimpered as he felt the deepest of regrets. Father was right. The face inched closer, and closer…. Shinji dared to look past the corner of the tree.
He turned to see the MPE's face resting on the ground and stared at Shinji on eye level, except there were no eyes to look back at.
The false EVA's teeth spread into a wide, Cheshire grin. He felt it's hot breath knock his hood back and blow away snow as it licked it's teeth.
Shinji gulped.
He never even got to tell Asuka that-
His thought was interrupted by a purple bolt of energy that collided right into the MPE's nostrils. "...What?"
The MPE screeched in pain as it thrashed its head against the mountain and rubbed the rock against its snout. It snarled and looked for it's attacker.
"Shinji!" An all too familiar voice roared.
"Father?"
He looked at the cave. There was Gendo, rifle in his hands as he stared down the behemoth. "Pilot the EVA!"
Shinji made a beeline for Unit-01 and looked at the eighty meter vertical distance from the entry port.
He suddenly felt very dizzy.
Shinji looked down at the present, then at his father. The MPE slowly marched towards him as he continued to fire shot after shot.
With a sudden surge of determination, he unzipped his winter coat and tied it around his waist. Shinji fastened it to the box, as though it were a makeshift pouch. He gripped the armor plating of Unit-01's foot tightly and began the climb.
No one else was going to die today.
Don't look down, don't look down, don't look down.
The grip of Unit-01's restraints were slippery from the frost. Shinji had a perfect view of the cave from up at the EVA's collar bone. From this height, the wind nearly sent him flying back to the ground.
The MPE had given up with sticking its oversized hand into the cave Gendo hid inside, and punched the mountain walls instead, which cleared off the snow.
Shinji entered a memorized code into a small panel that resided by the EVA's neck, and with a hiss, the entry plug protruded out from it's nape. The entry plug crashed into the mountain, only extended halfway out as sparks flew out..
Shinji wiggled his way inside the small gap and flipped the switches inside the EVA to life.
With a crack, the walls of the mountainside cave began to split open against the MPE's strikes. "Come on, come on… hurry you damn wimp." Shinji hissed to himself.
All the lights within booted up, a kaleidoscope of colors flashed through his mind as he synchronized. LCL poured into the plug.
Suddenly, a voice crackled into his ears and a display screen popped up. Maya Ibuki's eyes lit up in relief as she stared at Shinji through the screen, "Shinji! Thank goodness, you're okay."
She turned to what he assumed were the other NERV crew, "He's okay!" Maya and a now curious Aoba and Hyuga turned back to him, "What's going on?"
"Ms. Ibuki, not now!" Shinji shouted as he took his first steps. "S-sorry!"
"It's alright, is there anything we can do to help?"
"Send recovery over to Mt. Naeba!" Shinji stared at the spear lodged beside him, then at the MPE's back. Then at the nearby crashed triangular EVA carrier, the smoke was long extinguished.
Shinji took a deep breath. Three minutes on the now redundant internal battery. "Concern yourself only with your duties. Concern yourself only with your duties."
She was getting that birthday present if it was the last thing he did.
Unit-01 stealthily pulled the double pronged spear out of the gulch's walls, using it's foot as leverage. He looked at the MPE. If Shinji can just pin it against the wall with the spear, he can go straight into eating it. But he would hurt whoever was piloting? Make them suffer?" Unit-01 tilted it's head.
He recalled what his father said, it's empty. It would have no guilt over tearing Shinji apart. Just like he did when he attacked Toji.
Unit-01's fingers tightly curled against the spear.
The MPE swung again at Gendo's cave, and a crack splintered it's roof. Debris fell through and a rock cut into Gendo's head. He attempted to blink through the hot blood that dripped down his brow to see the MPE.
It wormed its head through the massive crevice and after a brief stare down, the MPE grinned at him. It's lips were curled in a humorous, almost mocking smile as it giggled.
Gendo lowered his rifle.
"Hey!" A mechanical voice echoed throughout the forest, followed by a deafening whistle.
The MPE slightly turned it's serpentine head only to be interrupted by the replica Spear of Longinus, which speeded directly into the back of white EVA's skull.
With a loud crash, the MPE's head was pinned to the mountain wall, the spear vibrated in place and shook snow off of the gulch.
Gendo walked out of the cave to see Unit-01 jog at them, "I got it!"
He looked high above. The wobbling spear narrowly missed the MPE's head and simply held it in place. The MPE's neck twisted and cracked as the head rotated backwards to look at Unit-01. The abomination giggled again and wiggled its head free of the double pronged spear.
The earth trembled as Unit-01 braked in the snow and skidded to a stop. It looked down at Gendo. "Why are you not attacking!?" He called out. Unit-01 didn't respond, it stared at the MPE and held it's ground with a wide stance.
The MPE's neck cracked into place and shuddered the loose snow off of it's colossal form. It struggled to yank the spear free from the wall, as opposed to Shinji, who slid it out with relative ease. "There is no time, fight back!" Gendo called out, his voice hoarse.
Unit-01 continued to stand its ground, not in a panicked, fight of flight stance, but rather an anticipatory one.
Shinji was waiting for the MPE to be out of Gendo's way, he realized. "Do not concern yourself! Attack!"
The two titans stared each other down.
It was silent, save for the storm that raged to its crescendo .
A strange sound emanated from the spear held by the MPE. An organic, twisting sound. The spear began to glow orange with heat as it spun in its hands. The spear uncurled into a heavy, double bladed claymore.
The blade was white-hot, falling snow sizzled and flying trees combusted upon contact.
It's wings stretched to its full span, twice as long as the crashed carrier.
An auditory gulp came from Unit-01, but it still did not move. "I order you!"
With a lunge, the MPE flew into the air. It's blade aimed directly at Unit-01, who rapidly bounced back and forth on its heels in anticipation-
Just before the MPE could strike, Unit-01 somersaulted out of the way towards the carrier. The purple EVA slid through the snow and uprooted the earth as it regained its footing with a pivot.
Unit-01 rose from the ground, with the still intact EVA carrier in its hands as a massive makeshift shield.
As though to invite, or to taunt the MPE, Unit-01 hid behind the shield. The MPE let out a giggle and charged again, the cooled, double bladed sword raised in a high arc.
The blade carved through the first half of the carrier with a clean cut, but met resistance when Unit-01 twisted the carrier. A frustrated hiss came from the MPE as it brought its weight down against the mock shield but only made it down the middle.
Unit-01 twisted the carrier. Despite the MPE's efforts, it's much thinner frame was unable to overpower Shinji. "He's stronger than it…." Gendo walked out of the cave to get a better view of the fight. "My son is-"
The carrier split in two, the double bladed sword followed into the earth and buried itself deep within. A confused gurgle came from the MPE as it attempted to yank the blade out, it's torso exposed.
With its head low, Unit-01 charged at the MPE and rammed it's horned head into the white EVA's belly. It lifted it's head up, and Unit-01's bladed horn sawed through the MPE's chest cavity. The MPE let out no noise to indicate it was in pain, it only thrashed in place and grabbed Unit-01's neck. It whipped it's head back and took a large bite out of Unit-01's shoulder.
Suddenly, the two titans fell to the ground as Unit-01 swept the MPE's leg. It's purple horn slowly withdrew from the MPE's chest cavity as he pinned it's neck and wrist to the ground.
Unit-01 spasmed in place as Gendo realized that Shinji deliberately relinquished control.
Steaming red blood dripped from Unit-01's horn onto it's jaw as it's shackles shifted and cracked in a plea to break free.
Gendo walked closer and closer to the two EVAs. "Yui…"
Unit-01 bared its red teeth and threw her head back. Her agonized roar overtook the crescendo of the howling storm as she fell into a berserker's bloodlust.
The unshackled EVA panted heavily, like a hungry dog as she borrowed its face into the MPE's chest cavity. The gurgles of the dying MPE and the squishing sounds from it's chest were muffled by the storm.
Triumphantly, Unit-01 pulled her head back, the S2 engine in her jaws. Fresh, hot blood fell down from the organ like a waterfall and melted the snow it landed on. She did not chew or so much as nibble on it, Unit-01 threw its head back and swallowed the S2 engine whole. She shuddered as the organ visibly slid down her trachea.
Unit-01 thumped her chest and promptly brought her fists down on the Mass Produced Corpse. She thrashed her head wildly and struck at its remains with a shriek.
Gendo's eyes widened. If she keeps this up, Shinji's sync ratio will increase. He will dissolve again. And this time, she might not be able to pull him out.
"Stop!" Gendo's tentative steps turned into a sprint towards the feral EVA, "Yui, stop!" Unit-01 lifted it's head up. It looked down at the tiny blob that ran towards her and tilted her blood drenched face. "It is me. It's-"
Unit-01 snarled and lazily swiped at Gendo, then went back to eating the MPE's corpse. He did not move out of the way. Despite the fact that the swipe missed him, it easily would have sent Gendo to the other side of the gulch, towards the fading Dirac Sea.
He stood there, at a loss for words. Gendo resisted the lessened pull of the storm as he stepped closer to Yui, who now chewed and gnarled into the MPE's skull. "You have to stop. I know you don't want to let him go but…. That's our boy in there. Our boy, Yui." Unit-01 froze, the head fell out of her slacked jaw.
Her ragged breaths began to slow. She stood and towered over Gendo.
Unit-01 fell on her knees as gently as she could. Nonetheless, the ground shook with her descent and suddenly, the wind began to calm. The flash-frozen forest now carried a blanketed silence, save for Yui's slow breaths.
"I know you're in pain. Just hold on. Just a little longer. We're so close. Please Yui, give Shinji back to me. For just a little longer."
The morning sun broke through the clouds that smothered Mt. Naeba, yet the only radiant thing in this gulch was his beautiful wife. She slowly sat criss-cross, which swept aside the gulch's remaining trees.
She lowered her palm to the earth invitingly and Gendo stepped into her massive hand without hesitation. "I've kept your secret for so long…" The hand curled around Gendo until only his head stuck out. "I did."
Unit-01 held Gendo at eye level, her jaw shut in place. She raised her free hand towards him, and Unit-01's gargantuan index finger gently poked at his forehead. Just like how Yui used to tease him in college, a lifetime ago. Gendo closed his eyes and leaned his head into her gentle, armored embrace, he fought against emotions that only she could invite out of him.
She turned her head to look at the sunrise, which now rose proudly beyond the crater that once held Mt. Naeba, now taken by the extinguished Dirac Sea. Yui tilted her head in admiration.
Gendo felt the wind in his hair as he was lifted back to eye level. Through Unit-01's armored golden lenses, he could make out the semblance of Yui's brilliant emerald eyes behind them.
Yui blinked slowly at him as she held his gaze, as though in peace.
Unit-01 reached for the nape of her neck.
"Wait."
With a hiss, Shinji's entry plug protruded out and was held in his mother's gauntlet.
The neon green light's of Unit-01 faded as she lowered both hands to her abdomen and extended her palms. "Good night… Yui." He whispered softly. The power of Unit-01 whirred down, back to it's dormant state and Gendo was left alone in the tranquil forest.
He looked to Unit-01's opposite outstretched hand, where Shinji was held in it's entry plug. The hands were only slightly spaced apart and held at it's abdomen. Still, the fall would likely kill.
Without hesitation, Gendo lept to the other hand and nearly slipped on the frosty, metallic gauntlet. Gendo remembered to take his gloves off this time as he grabbed at the searing hot escape hatch, with a grunt, he pulled it free and steaming LCL poured out passed his legs down to the snow.
Gendo prayed for the first time in eight years. He prayed that he was not too late.
Gendo stepped inside the entry pod, Shinji sat in his head, head hung low, hands still wrapped around the control yokes. He leaned in closer, and risked a sigh of relief as he watched the boy's back slowly rise and fall with breaths.
Still unconscious, Shinji shivered against the wind that blew into the entry plug. Gendo gave his son the only warmth that he was able to offer, he took off his coat and unceremoniously blanketed him with it, the back of the hood over his head.
As he stared at the blanketed boy, Matsuda's remains bit into his mind. With great trepidation, he pulled the hood down and looked at his boy's face. His soft snores resembled whistles, the sound forcibly took Gendo to simpler times.
When Shinji was little, he once did the same, the small, wispy baby slept in his exhausted mother's lap, the two at peace and blissfully unaware. And Gendo would simply sit next to them, and observe these two alien, beautiful things that found themselves in his late father's former home.
With shaken hands, Gendo reached to touch Shinji's hair. He stopped himself at the last moment and clenched the charred hand into a fist.
He looked out the window of the entry plugs hatch, Yui had positioned how Unit-01 sat so that it would have a perfect view of the horizon.
"...You were right, Shinji." Gendo said softly as he watched the sunrise with his sleeping family. "The shrine. It belonged to my father."
S2 engines taste… sour, Shinji thought to himself as he sat in the VTOL and itched at the dry LCL that crusted his skin.
After he devoured the MPE to it's bones, the Dirac Sea and it's vortex dissipated. And with it, the sweltering heat returned.
The view of the thawed frozen wasteland that was once Mt. Naeba far behind them, ahead was Tokyo-03, unscathed and unaware of what transpired between the father and son.
They were both wrapped in blankets, a medic nursed the massive gash at Gendo's forehead.
He kept his bent glasses pressed firmly to his face.
Shinji held the now LCL soaked box in his lap. Him and his father were on opposite sides, as per usual. Shinji only offered a quiet thank you when they entered the VTOL.
And Gendo only grunted in retort.
"...What I did was treason, right?" Shinji said as they arrived in Tokyo-03. Gendo turned his head. "Am I under arrest?" He asked calmly. The medic side eyed them.
Gendo did not look his way as he tented his hands. "...No."
Shinji nodded. He unbuckled the seatbelt and approached the new, unconversational pilot, a woman. Shinji cleared his throat, his nose red, "Excuse me." He said politely, "Would you please drop me off at the hospital?"
The woman didn't so much as glance at him, "Remain in your seat for the duration of the flight. After you are decontaminated you shall be-"
"-It is fine." Gendo stated calmly as the medic stitched the deep gash in his forehead. "Do as my… do as he says."
"Yes, Commander." They changed course, towards the hospital.
Shinji offered a curt smile, "Thank you, 'mam." He strolled to the exit of the plane, unbothered by the turbulence.
He did not acknowledge his fathers presence.
After a moment of terse silence, Gendo spoke, "...I did not kill your Mother. I give you my word." Again, the medic awkwardly side eyed the two as he resumed his stitching. "She is far more precious to me than you will ever understand."
Wordlessly, Shinji turned to him and motioned to the box.
Gendo blinked, "...I see."
The VTOL landed, everyone else shook except for Shinji, who now had a new air of confidence. Shinji strolled out, blanket cast aside as the doors flew open.
Gendo stood up. "Shinji?" He said, a slight crack in his hoarse voice.
His son gave him a backwards glance. Gendo slowly reached into his pockets with trembled hands and produced his old SDAT.
Shinji shrugged, "Keep it."
Gendo looked down and clenched his fists, "You performed your duties well today. Better than well. You took the initiative."
Shinji blinked at him, unfazed. "I didn't recall asking you for your opinion." He responded in a polite tone.
He took one step and hesitated, but then walked away.
The VTOL doors closed shut.
The medic offered a sympathetic wince and looked at Gendo, who stared at the door, miles away.
Gendo stared at the SDAT for a long time before he sat down beside the medic. The medic cleared his throat, "That was ah, nice of you, to give him a Christmas present."
With trembled hands, he hesitantly put on the ear buds and pressed play. "...Yes."
[Quando, Quando, Quando || Englebert Humperdink]
A/N:
Shout out to ma boys ChadGendo and SheriffJoneStone for their help beta reading this! Was a tricky one to get along, Sheriff helped with implementing new ideas, and how certain characters may respond to say, religion, which is weirdly decretory thing in a show about Angels, either way, neat thing to explore. Chad Gendo is as the name suggests, the go-to guy on G-man's character and attitude, so he helped a lot with fleshing out Gendo and his emotional limits.