Chapter Twelve: The Journey
Nerdanel stayed with us long into the winter, her company a warmth in the season's gentle chill. It was not until one night in early spring that she made clear of her desire to return homeward. She and I were speaking together in the dooryard, seated in the whispering grass, watching the stars struggling appear through the light of Telperion,
"I mean you no offense," she insisted shyly after telling me her wish, fingering some of the blades of grass that rustled about where she sat, "Your father and his wife have been gracious and kind--and Ingoldo perhaps the dearest little thing I have ever met, but. . ."
"There is no offense taken," I promised her, giving her a reassuring smile. "Where will you go? Home?"
"I shall not return directly home," Nerdanel said pensively, eyes lightless in the dark as she lightly combed her fingers through the lawn, "Perhaps I shall go to the Bay of Eldamar, and then make my way homeward from there."
When she mentioned the Bay, my heart tugged at my mind, urging me to go with her. I had not seen the Sea for so long, and now my old yearning rose again.
"Would it be no trouble if I came with you?" I asked, embarrassed I had caved in to such a self-indulgent wish. Nerdanel smiled, turning to me, her eyes tender as she touched a hand briefly but lovingly to my face. I was so filled with love that I almost could not meet her gaze.
"No, Finwion. Of course not. Come with me. I would be honored."
So when Nerdanel deemed a day fitting, we both said our farewells to my family and left Tirion.
I had never traveled with any companion other than my father before, and at first feared that Nerdanel's vigor would be less than that to which I had been accustomed.
But soon I learned that her resilience was equal to my own. She was an able rider, and did not weary easily. We would talk for endless hours as we rode, but some of the time was spent in silence, as I brooded over something that was becoming a more and more frequent thought to me.
We arrived at the Bay of Eldamar at noon one day. The skies were clear and the light of Laurelin gleamed upon the Sea as upon the facets of a clear blue gem. For a moment, we only gazed out from the white cliffs upon the Sea, with its necklace of misty islands ringing its horizon and the gulls dipping like white flashes of silk over its surface. The brackish wind was chill but lonely, seeking comfort in the folds of our cloaks and in the flagging manes and tails of our horses.
Without a word, Nerdanel slowly spurred her horse down the rocky cliffs, and I followed behind, the sounds of the ocean pounding in my ears as the waves crashed upon the rocks and hissed across the sands. When we reached the dunes, I dismounted, and my horse snorted with happiness as he recognized the sweet, tender tufts of grass that grew among the sandbanks. Above us, the clouds scudded across the sky.
"I had almost forgotten what the Sea looked like," Nerdanel remarked, ascending to the peak of one round, tawny dune and gazing out upon the water, "After you left, I never returned here."
"Why?" I asked, settling myself on a rock and watching her from the corner of my eye.
"I cannot say. Perhaps it would be tiresome without you." I did not have to look at Nerdanel's face to know she wore a bittersweet smile.
"Tiresome?" I laughed. "The Bay of Eldamar could never be tiresome for me." Because here I found you, my heart added. Though Nerdanel outwardly showed no notice, something told me she had heard the silent addition.
After a moment, she turned to me, and held out a pale hand to me. "Come. Let us walk along the beach like we once did." I smiled, and slowly stood to my feet.
As the remainder of the day passed, and as we walked the shores and talked, a strange but not unpleasant need was beginning to become more and more apparent in me.
At first, I held it off, not understanding what it was. But as the time passed, and Nerdanel seemed to grow more beautiful with each fleeting moment, I slowly began to comprehend what it was I needed. My mind dwelt more and more upon the thought, until it was as worn as old coins.
"Why so silent, Finwion?"
Nerdanel's voice startled me, and I turned about. My heart leapt to my throat, and for a moment I could not speak. Nerdanel watched me innocently, face white and almost cold.
In that moment, even though it was awkward, even though it was impulsive, I silently called on the Valar for aid, licked my dry lips, and made ready to ask what had been on my mind all evening.
"Nerdanel," I began, gazing deep into her eyes. I felt as weak as a newborn child, a shell of a being driven on only by the frighteningly powerful love I bore for her. "Will you marry me?"
For a moment, there was only silence as she stared almost blankly at me, overwhelmed by the profundity of this revolutionary notion. Her brow furrowed, and she looked almost angry.
When my mind was fairly ready to burst with anxiety and awkwardness, she looked up at me, dark eyes luminous with trust and love, and drew a shallow, quiet breath, as if the world rested upon her shoulders.
"Yes."
If I had not locked my knees so tightly where I stood, I am sure I would have fallen over with relief and surprise. Tears sprang to my eyes, and through the smarting pain I could see the tears in her eyes as well. For once in my life, I truly cared nothing at all for myself, only for Nerdanel.
"Do not weep," I murmured awkwardly, brushing the clear silver drops away from her face with trembling fingers, gratefully kissing her brow with dry lips.
"It is only for the sorrow that is found in complete happiness that I shed my tears, Finwion," Nerdanel assured me quietly.
Then there was stillness for a time, as the waves whispered over the beach and the gulls cried as they flew in the deeps of the night. We stood fast together, her head laid over my heart, our hands clasped between us, no voices needed to communicate our bliss.
When words returned to me at last, I said reluctantly, "We are so young. . ."
Nerdanel looked up at me abruptly, and I saw my worry reflected anew in her eyes. "Would your father approve? I am a commoner, not some highborn noblewoman. I am no one. The daughter of a smith. You are a prince, destined to be King of the Noldor. Surely you are meant for better than me."
"Do not say that!" I cried, angry yet miserable that she would think so little of herself, "Your lineage matters little to me, or to anyone else! I love you, and--and I want to marry you. That is all that matters. Please, Nerdanel."
"Promise me that if your father is less than approving of me, we shall not wed, even if it breaks our hearts," Nerdanel said fiercely, though her voice a bare, meek whisper.
"I promise," I consented regretfully, "Though to me you are nobler than all queens, fairer than all flowers, and a heart kinder than any beats in your breast. The greatest King of Eldar ever born would still be unworthy of you. I would beg on my knees for your hand, if you ask it of me. I will die for you."
Nerdanel bent her head humbly at the weight of this pledge, coppery strands of her hair falling across her eyes, and I stroked them from her face, hand lingering upon her white cheek even when the soft tendrils were gone. At last, she looked up at me once more, eyes still hopeful.
"Very well then, Finwion. If you wish to hazard so much upon the will of your father, it shall be so, for your will is mine. Our fate is yet uncertain."
Her voice grew sober at this, but her eyes brightened again as she looked upon me. "Shall we go first to my parents, and bid them come to Tirion to meet with yours, so our betrothal can be known to both houses?"
"Your will is mine," I echoed in response, dropping my hand and smiling fondly down at her.
"And rings?" She asked in a lighter tone, dancing away from my side to stand at the water's edge, smiling.
"I can make rings," I promised.
Her smile was all the gratitude I needed.
Author's Note:
Hurrah! They're getting married!
I apologize for the brevity of this chapter, but there really wasn't anything more to say on the subject. Besides, Nerdanel and Fëanor were both getting a little difficult to work with, seeing as they much prefer each other's company to my persistent poking and prodding. (Who wouldn't?) So please understand.
As usual, your constant reviews and support have been much appreciated. If I can return the favor to registered members by reviewing one of your more recent works, please let me know! It would be my pleasure to give you that extra bit of publicity.
Finals at my school are coming up, so I will warn you now that updates will be few and far between in the coming weeks. Please do not be miffed with me. The only new chapter I can guarantee is Chapter 13, which will be posted sometime in early June. Otherwise, all is a mystery. . .
Love always,
Blodeuedd