Not Without

Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation

To the readers: Thank you SOOOOOO much for reading my story and reviewing. Had you not reviewed I might not have continued... So if you want to keep the story going please review! You are all so kind and wonderful in your reviews; I love you all! Sorry if it takes me longer than you want to update, I'm a senior in high school that suddenly decided I want to be a psychologist and a novelist. Some of you might know what I mean. But also sorry for all my errors. I swear I usually spell better than this. I'll have to correct those later. I'm really relieved that I didn't get a bunch of "you spelled blah-blah-blah wrong"s or anyone complaining about improper use of pronouns and whatnot. Sometimes I'm just in a hurry to write.

Chapter 4: Body vs. mind

Tatsuha walked through Yuki's house wondering if Shuichi was here and if he was he wanted to know where the pink haired boy was. He walked into Yuki's bedroom half expecting to see Shuichi in bed or something. He walked over towards the bathroom.

Shuichi sat on the throw rug, staring at the door that had let Yuki escape. What kind of timing was this? He decided he should choke Tatsuha to punish him for his bad timing. Wait. Tatsuha! He's here! Shuichi began to push himself up just as the black haired boy appeared in the doorway.

"Shu-" Tatsuha froze and stared down at Shuichi.

Shuichi stared up at Tatsuha. He wasn't blushing yet, but he knew he would.

"This explains why no one answered the phone. Or the door." Tatsuha said with a smirk.

Shuichi blushed and grabbed a towel as he pushed himself up. His mind was still on what he and Yuki had been doing. He wished they could continue, but it would be hours before Yuki came back home.

"Aw, no need to cover yourself up. I've already seen everything now." Tatsuha says.

Shuichi tries to ignore how much Tatsuha's voice sounds like Yuki's. Suddenly something Tatsuha said a long time ago comes back to him. 'You look like Ryu, and I like Ryu. I look like Yuki, whom you like... so we could just pretend...' Shuichi shook his head. No, no, no, no, no. Definately not. Never. He wrapped the towel around his waist and tried to walk past Tatsuha into the bedroom.

Tatsuha wouldn't move. He pushed Shuichi, who tried to fight him, against the wall and trapped him with his body.

"This is the closest I've come to seeing Sakuma-san naked." Tatsuha said in a low voice.

Shuichi shuddered and tried to push Tatsuha away. He was getting a little scared, a little freaked out.

"Tatsuha stop. I'm not Ryuichi, I'm Shuichi."

"You think that will make me stop? Because you're Shuichi?" Tatsuha asked.

He stroked the side of Shuichi's face, his dark eyes glaring into Shuichi's violet eyes. Shuichi's eyes widened considerably. Tatsuha smiled.

"You're just as good as Ryuichi now." He said and let his hand fall down the side of Shuichi's neck.

"I am not. Ryuichi's a god." Shuichi tells him a little shakily.

Tatsuha's hand continued to go downward, across Shuichi's chest, over his stomach. To the top of the towel. Shuichi grabbed Tatsuha's arm and tried to pull it away from the towel. Tatsuha grabbed Shuichi's wrists and pinned them over his head. He only needed one hand to keep Shuichi's wrists held above his head on the wall.

Shuichi squirmed.

"Tatsuha, stop it."

Tatsuha pulled the towel off and let it fall to the floor. Shuichi stiffened as Tatsuha's hand groped him. It didn't matter that he was gentle. He wasn't Yuki and he had no right touching Shuichi. Shuichi continued to struggle but it began to become halfhearted. It felt really good and his body craved the touch. After Yuki had left him in such a needful state... He bit his lip and closed his eyes.

Tatsuha watched his friend. He knew how much Shuichi wanted Yuki to be doing this. Yuki, who'd left in the middle of foreplay with his lover instead of making everyone else wait. And Shuichi really did kind of look like Ryuichi. This face he was making right now... would he ever see Ryuichi do that? Probably not. He tried to record this in his mind so when he had the chance he could just image seeing this again. Maybe he would pretend it was Ryuichi. Maybe not.

Shuichi half-wished that Yuki would walk in and stop this. But the other half knew that Yuki would be mad at both boys that took part in this. And he really wanted release. Was it really bad that he didn't really care right now if it was Yuki or not? It wasn't like they were doing too much. Just Tatsuha touching him. His body felt numb, all except for the part of him that felt incredibly hot and growing hotter. He didn't even notice when Tatsuha let go of his wrists.

Tatsuha's hand stopped and before Shuichi could stop himself he whined just a little. Tatsuha smiled at his friend's cuteness and dropped to his knees. Shuichi began to open his eyes to see what had happened. Tatsuha's moist tongue touched his sensitive flesh.

"Tatsuha don't-"

The black haired boy slid his friend into his mouth, halting Shuichi's words. Shuichi's eyes closed once again. He put his hands over his face, not knowing why. He felt close to release. His hips moved on their own accord. With a closed-mouthed scream he came into his friend's mouth.

Tatsuha wiped at his mouth and stood up.

"Feel better now? You looked like you so needed that." He said.

Shuichi looked close to tears.

"I told you to stop. Tatsuha I thought you were my friend." He pouted, a little angry.

"Your body didn't want me to stop." Tatsuha argued.

He didn't understand why Shuichi was so upset. He'd just gotten a blowjob. Most people would be happy about that. Besides, what did it matter? It wasn't as if Tatsuha was a stranger or anything. Maybe Shuichi was so upset because he was Yuki's brother.

"I don't care!" Shuichi cried.

Tatsuha frowned at him.

"What's wrong with you?" He asked.

Shuichi glared at him and wrapped the towel back around his waist.

"I don't do anything with anyone but Yuki. I'm loyal to him. Monogamous. I don't want anyone else! No one but my Yuki, no matter how close to Yuki they may be. No matter how much my body might think it wants otherwise. My heart, mind, body, and soul all want YUKI. No one else."

Tatsuha sighed. He actually felt a little bad now. He envied Yuki though, for having someone so devoted and loyal. Would Ryuichi be the same way? The two singers where so similar about everything else. But what if Ryuichi ended up with someone else? Then Tatsuha would only be able to be his friend too.

"If Yuki would've came back he would've kicked both our asses." Tatsuha muttered.

Shuichi laughed a little, half-bitterly.

"Damn straight he would've." He said.

Tatsuha let his friend go back into the bedroom.

"I'm sorry Shuichi. Most people wouldn't have cared as much as you do." He said.

Shuichi glanced at Tatsuha. That Tatsuha was appologizing meant a lot. It meant he at least realized he'd done something wrong.

"Thanks for appologizing. I'm going to tell Yuki though."

Tatsuha's eyes widened. He should've known Shuichi would tell Yuki. Those two no longer kept secrets from each other. He just hoped when Shuichi told him that Yuki was in a relatively good mood, has taken his pills, and had a few cigarettes. To have the alternative might mean death.

So that's it for now. Hope to see you in the chapters to come!

evilslave