A/N Helloooooooo
Here's another chapter of Back Without Regrets.
Enjoy!
Zuko at 11 years old
It had been several months since Zuko had been made the very first pupil of the legendary swordsman Piandao. A child might not have noticed it, but he saw the way that the Lotus member was trying to change his perspective about the Fire Nation. How Piandao was trying to sympathise him with his people and the people of other nations. He appreciated the effort, but it really wasn't necessary.
He knocked softly at the blood red door that towered over his short frame, reminding him of his daunting task ahead. This would be the one action which would change the history of his whole world. Sweat dropped down from the side of his chin and his face was contorted into an instinctual scowl.
A "Come in" was heard and Zuko entered inside.
His uncle sat on his desk, a daunting amount of paperwork by his table and a cup of tea in his hands. He smiled, "Nephew"
"Hello, Uncle," Zuko greeted, giving a slight bow to his head, his fist on the bottom of his palm.
"Would you like a cup of tea?"
Zuko smiled. Maybe Uncle was still on the side of the Fire Nation, but his love for tea definitely was not vanishing overnight.
"No thank you, Uncle," Zuko replied as he settled himself on one of uncle's cushions. In father's bedroom, he'd have to ask permission to sit, but uncle wasn't like that. He did not care for formalities within family members.
"You do not visit often. What brings you here, nephew?"
Zuko felt a pang of shame at the statement. True, he did not visit often. He excused it to not having enough time. But he knew the truth. He was slightly afraid of the changes. He was afraid of how different General Iroh was from Uncle Iroh. He chastised himself for it.
He swallowed and asked, "Uncle, are you going to send Lu Ten to war?"
Uncle Iroh leaned back, slightly surprised at the question. His eyebrows rose up slightly, "Prince Zuko, you should not think of going to war just yet. You shall make a fine general but-"
Ah, his Uncle misunderstood. He thought he had spoken with pride, with eager ecstasy when he had asked if he was going to send his son to fight. As if he also wanted to help with the fight and contribute as much as he could to the Fire Nation. Zuko immediately sought to correct him.
"No, no, no," he hastily gestured his hands and shook his head, "I didn't… I mean… Well…"
He took a deep breath, "No, I don't want to go to war"
Eyebrows still raised, Iroh waited for him to continue.
"I asked you if you were going to send Lu Ten to war"
Some part of him wondered why he was asking this. He knew the answer. Knew it was a yes. He knew that Uncle Iroh had little say for if his cousin would go to war or not. That was completely Lu Ten's choice. But he didn't know where to start this awkward conversation. And, he figured he would have an easier time convincing his Uncle from preventing him than he did with Lu Ten. His cousin was sixteen and every bit the hot-headed, emotion seeking, kind and honourable person that he himself was. He would give everything for this country.
"I have little choice in the matter, my nephew," his Uncle answered, then gazed at him wistfully. "But I am proud of the boy. He will be a great asset to the Fire Nation, should he decide to join the army. In fact, he asked me today that he wanted to be a soldier-"
"No!" Zuko practically yelled and inwardly winced. He really did have no tact whatsoever. "No", he calmed down slightly, "He shouldn't go to war"
Iroh tilted his head, "And why not?"
"He might die!"
Iroh chuckled at that and ruffled his hair playfully, causing Zuko to blush slightly. "Nephew, there is always a danger of death that surrounds us. The only thing that we can do is accept it and move on to the important things in life. Preventing young ones from reaching their destiny is like trying to calm down a half-starved Komodo-Rhino."
Zuko almost yelled in frustration and stuttered on his words. His uncle would not be saying that if he knew what happened. If he knew what was at stake. He had seen the look of Iroh when he had returned, announcing the death of his son, his eyes hollow. His expression mirrored his own, because he had lost his mother around that time too. "I - You - Please"
Uncle Iroh patted his shoulders. "Prince Zuko, my son is diligent and strong. He will survive whatever comes his way."
No, he won't, Zuko wanted to scream at the old man, his head filled with insults, denials, protests and pleading. He didn't voice any of them as Uncle turned towards his paperwork.
He was clearly dismissed.
He had failed.
A Day Later
Several hours at night had been spent, contemplating what he was about to do. He never looked at the logical side of things, never measured the technical pros and cons of something unless the job of the Firelord demanded it and unless a large amount of people were going to be affected. And thus, his time at night was not spent dwelling on the consequences of what he was about to do, but at the change in relationship he would have with his mother.
He was going to tell her the truth.
After hours of tossing and turning, he had fallen into an uneasy sleep filled with untrusting mothers, scoffing sisters and scars. When he had awoken, he decided that Lu Ten was decidedly more important.
He stared down at his mother, and then lowered himself on his one knee, a small piece of bread in hands to feed the turtle-ducks. Princess Ursa's face was lit up in joy, as she examined the animal nibbling on her. He positioned himself next to her and gave her a peck on the cheek.
"Mum?"
Still second guessing.
Still questioning.
"Hmm?" she asked, not looking up.
"I have to confess something"
She looked up at him curiously, "Is it about my favourite vase being broken?"
He flushed and looked down.
"No!" he paused and looked down, "Although I do know who did it. It was Azula. She was practicing firebending and-"
Zuko clamped one hand over his mouth, as if he had said something he wasn't supposed to.
"I mean, no. It was totally not Azula. Why would it be Azula?" he chuckled nervously and mentally face-palmed.
"You were never a great liar, dear," Ursa ruffled his hair fondly, "I already knew a long time ago. Your sister is quite talented at her bending."
He took a deep breath and stared at her with serious eyes. "Yes she is, but it's not about that"
He started telling the story.
The words tumbled out of him awkwardly. He left a few gaps in the middle, sometimes described things too much, sometimes too little. He cringed slightly. Sokka would have told stories much better than him. Toph would have summarised them in a blunter way. Katara would give emotion, her tone of voice changing to tell the sad and scary stuff-
"Zuko, continue with the story. I am sure that your friends could tell it better, but you're the one telling me," his mother said, bringing him back to reality. He blinked, he hadn't meant to say those things.
He told her of his trials, his banishment, her disappearance, watching as her face slipped from shock to horror to amusement. But behind those eyes, Zuko saw slight disbelief. As if she could not believe what she was hearing.
Zuko frowned at that. So, he told her her own story, about the tale of a girl in love with the villager, Ikem. He went on about how she was torn away from her home by the prince, forced to marry him in an unhappy marriage. He told her he knew why Ozai hated him, knew of the letters, knew of the promise that he had made to treat him as an illegitimate child. He watched as Ursa finally, finally started to believe him, the slight disbelief vanished.
He told her of his three year exile, trying to capture the Avatar. The start of his journey, when he hit Kyoshi Island. His travels, his trials, his hardships.
When he was finally done, Ursa responded with,
"Song, Jin, Mai, June and Katara. My, my. You've got a harem haven't you?"
"Is that what you have to say after hearing all that? You're worse than Uncle Iroh"
Her expression slumped over and her palm reached to his shoulders and she engulfed him in a hug. "You have been through much, my son," she stroked his hair. Zuko said nothing. His hardships were irrelevant to the tough lives of others he had seen.
He pushed her away from him and her expression changed. "Do not speak of this to anyone, ever," she said, in a scolding voice and Zuko felt a pang of irritation. Did she think he was stupid? He had hidden this for five years!
Ursa's eyes widened as she looked at his irritated face. "Sorry", she murmured, "I just forgot that you're no longer the eleven-year old young man I had"
She cradled him in her arms, "I know what you want me to do. I will talk to Iroh."
Zuko nodded, "Yes. But if that doesn't work, I will go along with Lu Ten as well."
His mother stared at him in horror. "Zuko-"
"I won't let Lu Ten be taken again," he insisted.
"But-"
"Mother, this is my second chance at everything. My second chance to fix everything that is wrong. I can save Lu Ten, I've already saved Azula. I can fix every single mistake that I made in my entire life," declared Zuko. He looked at her firmly and Ursa sighed. Her son could not be dissuaded; he would do this regardless of her approval.
She was feeling things a mother never should. Her heart swelled with pride, hearing about the man her son had become. Yet it also throbbed, an aching sadness that she hadn't been able to witness it. But, from the sounds of his story, she had not witnessed her son grow in the other timeline either.
She pecked at the cheek of the young man in front of her with a kiss. She might not approve, but she would support him all the way. "Zuko, I wish you the best of luck. I will try to talk to Iroh about increasing Lu Ten's safety."
He smiled sadly at her. "I promise, I'll be safe."
"I know you will."
None of the two noticed the shadow on the back of the tree, observing with silent tears in her eyes. Listening with disbelief and confusion. Her face contorted into a frown. None of them noticed that someone had still not come to feed the turtle-ducks with them.
Azula had a skip in her step, as she raced through the palace hallways searching for her brother and her mother. She knew where they were, all three came there every single day without fail to feed the turtle-ducks and play firebending games with their mother. She was a bit late; her father had kept her in for extra practice.
She did not approve of that. This was time with her mother and brother. How dare Ozai steal her time away? Nevertheless, when she arrived, she saw an unnaturally serious face on Zuko. "Yes she is, but it's not about that"
Immediately, Azula knew that this was not a conversation meant for her ears. She wondered at that. Her brother was a closed off person. It wasn't that he didn't talk; he just never talked about himself much. She grinned wickedly and wondered if she could use the information he was about to tell mother to blackmail him into letting her play longer with Uncle's dagger.
She climbed the tree, as silently as her brother, and eavesdropped on their conversation.
Then she heard everything.
At first her mind scoffed at the story that Zuzu was telling. Time travel? Did he think that mother was stupid? Did he really have such an overactive imagination and stupidity? He was ten for god's sake. Who believes in spirits when they are ten?
As she listened in, her mind a mixture of horror and disbelief, she heard her brother call her a monster. She heard him call her unstable and crazy. Her mind reeled. How dare he? In the story, she should be her loyal sidekick, not the villain. She would get him back for that.
Then, she heard about Ursa's marriage.
Azula was no fool. Her father had drilled her into hiding her own emotions and reading others. He had taught her to detect lies or half-truths. The only person who could resist that magic spell was Mai, certainly not her mother. She detected the slight change in her eyes, in her body language. At first it was tensed with worry, then she slumped slightly, as if resigned to his story. Her slightly open mouth closed unconsciously.
It was true. Everything was true.
Azula's world flipped upside down.
It was one of her greatest fears. Her being a monster. She had never held the same amount of empathy as her mother and brother to living animals. She had relied on logic, like her father instead of emotion to guide how she worked. When her mother asked if her best friend was in the line of lightning, then would she have jumped in front of it to save her best friend?
Zuzu had answered yes at the same time Azula answered no. When asked for her reasoning, she had replied.
"I'm a princess. Ty Lee is a noblewoman. It would cause a rather big fuss if I were to die, wouldn't it? But Ty Lee has six other sisters, it wouldn't be that big of a deal."
The two had stared at her, gaping. Zuko had coughed and steered the conversation elsewhere, leaving Azula to wonder if she had said something wrong.
That was the logical solution, wasn't it?
Then, she had changed her thinking process a bit. Instead of her best friend, what if Zuko or Ursa had been the people in danger of lightning. Would she sacrifice herself?
Yes, the answer was yes.
It still made her feel as if something was wrong with her.
Once they had disappeared, she scrambled out her hiding place and into her bedroom, tears streaking down her face, mouth pressed into a firm line, vowing right then, to prove them wrong. To show them that she wasn't a monster.
She would save Lu Ten alongside her brother.
Unlike his brother, Iroh had believed in the spirits since he was a child. Growing older, this belief was shrouded by a layer of suspicion, but it had never dwindled. Ozai told him that spirits and spirit monsters were kids stories, but Iroh had always been considered childish.
When he had been visited by his nephew, he had got the strong feeling that Zuko shouldn't be there. As if he were doing something wrong by telling him what he had told. Something was strange, unnatural.
He had pushed the notion away, but it still nagged at him.
Then, the very next day, his sister-in-law came in with less-than-subtle suggestions with an ominous aura to her words. He felt it again. It was unnatural. Something was wrong. Something was going on.
And the day after that, he was visited by an excited and overly-eager Lu Ten asking his father to join the army as a soldier.
Something was definitely strange and Ursa knew something. Dare he say, his nephew knew something as well?
Iroh's brush hovered over the contract for a split second, before his signature was on the paper. His elite bodyguards were now stationed at the same camp his son was in.
Iroh wondered when he would get an explanation for this strange, spiritual feeling.
Prince Ozai stared at the golden eyes of his kneeling son, filled with determination and shining with a steely glint. He knew that his son's request wasn't a request, but polite obligations had forced him to ask for it. He mused. In the long term, it would be useful to have Zuko learn strategy and about the walls of Ba Sing Se. But…
"Alright, but you will take Azula alongside you"
His son froze, went rigid. "But-"
To his credit, Ozai wasn't unaware of the loathing his son fostered for him. When he had been younger, he would try to please his father in whatever way he could. That admiration and respect was long gone. Ursa's influence most likely.
He waved his hand. "Prince Zuko, Azula should also visit the walls of Ba Sing Se. She will also benefit from this trip. She also has the right to learn about the city as much as you do."
The eyes of his son darted around the floor, his eyes slightly opened and then narrowed again, hesitating. Ozai internally scoffed. His son was an open book. "Yes father. Princess Azula may accompany me on this journey."
"Very well then," the flames surrounding his throne blasted upwards, a sign that Zuko was dismissed. His son scrambled to his feet and scurried out.
He smiled to himself. Ozai was perceptive. Along with his determination, when his son had kneeled, he had noticed his shaking hands. Zuko feared him. Zuko feared him. As he well should. He had learned long ago that fear was the only way to prevent betrayal. He frowned at the memory of Ursa and her letters. It had been a huge blow. It had taught him something. He had never abused his wife and yet…
His knuckles tightened into fists. Fear was the only way to gain loyalty.
It was dangerous in Ba Sing Se, he mused to himself. If his son were to die, that wouldn't do at all. He would be a valuable long term asset to his reign. He needed to be safe.
Ozai summoned one of his elite bodyguards.
"I want you to accompany Prince Zuko with the team that he has chosen. I want all intel on his behaviour"
"Yes, sire"
Two Months Later
Lu Ten laid on his bed, his sheets made of soft velvet, musing to himself and wondering about his place in life. He had a lot more luxury than your average soldier, with his own, personal tent and his soft bed. Still, he felt a little miffed out at his father for sending his personal elite bodyguards to protect him. He could take care of himself. Iroh was being paranoid.
Then again, casualties for soldiers were always rather high. Maybe his father was right in being paranoid. Lu Ten knew that his father had wanted him to be a general. The job was a lot safer and more comfortable.
But he hadn't.
Lu Ten had never been good at strategy games like Pai Sho. That was something he and his cousin, Zuko shared in common. He was more of the fighting kind of guy. Leave the planning to his cousin sister, Azula. She was a true prodigy in that field.
That's why he had not become a general. He wanted to offer his complete services to the Fire Nation, his full potential. He would never be able to do that as a general.
He got up and picked up his Dual Dao swords. Truthfully, this journey was wearing him down slightly. The lack of proper bathrooms, proper hot food and he missed the luxury of the palace. But Lu Ten didn't let these things drive him down. He never gave up without a fight and he would adjust to his situation soon enough.
He laid back down again.
He was about to close his eyes when the curtain flap of his tent opened. A soldier entered the room, eyes darting around nervously. "S-sire. There is an attack-"
Before the guard could finish, Lu Ten sprang from the bed, dual dao in his hands, awake and alert. He saw the guard swallow and patted his shoulder.
"Relax soldier. We're both of the same rank. Let's skip the formalities."
The soldier visibly relaxed and they both headed out, one of Lu Ten's swords on the front, ready to attack and one on the back, poised to defend.
Azula hadn't expected it to be so easy to accompany Zuko. In her head were plans to sneak out of the palace, stowing on Zuko's ship or blackmailing one of the guards into hiding her. She had never expected her father to insist on her going alongside her brother. Still, it made Azula's job much easier so she wasn't complaining.
She watched as her brother scrambled to pack his bags. She rolled her eyes. Zuzu was just as messy as ever. Her bags were perfect and neatly organized, packed days before.
Finally, after several minutes he got up and smiled at her sheepishly, "Sorry to keep you waiting, Zula"
Hearing his voice, her amused smile turned into a frown. His voice echoed in her head, telling her she was a monster. "You take way too long,'' she snapped, a bit harshly, "Let's go", and she stalked off. She didn't have to turn around to look at the hurt look on her brother's face.
Deep down, she knew her anger was irrational. That Azula was a different Azula. One tainted by their father. She respected Ozai, sure, but she never felt love for him as she did her mother and brother. Wasn't that a big change? She would never shoot lightning at her brother.
She was different.
They boarded their carriages pulled by the Komodo-rhinos. A gruff voice that undoubtedly belonged to the rider of the rhinos beckoned them.
"You alright, Master? Miss?"
Before she could snap at him for disrespect, (no one spoke to her like that! Informally and without the proper use of language etiquette. And her title wasn't Miss, it was Princess Azula.), her brother interrupted.
"Yeah, Lieutenant Jee, we're fine."
He spoke with him as if he were familiar with him. As if… Azula's eyes widened as she remembered his story.
Jee tilted his head, "I'm not a lieutenant, sire,"
Zuko flushed visibly and Azula face palmed. She would have never made the mistake. "If I may ask, how is it that you know my name and not my title?"
The engines of the ships whirred and whizzed to life. And Zuko stammered and stuttered, trying to come up with a feasible excuse. Was he seriously in his twenties? Azula cleared her throat.
"My brother had been going through the names of those he would travel with. There is a Jee in another ship as well who we are well acquainted with. It was merely a slip of the tongue"
Her brother gave her a grateful smile as the Jee nodded. "Ah." And they settled into a comfortable silence.
Zuko nudged her and whispered, "Thanks for that."
"Anytime," she waved it off, "You inarticulateness is absolutely adorable. That aside, you did good research. I'm surprised you knew his name."
"Uh yeah," he chuckled nervously.
"You know," she started casually, "The place we're camping at is located extremely near Lu Ten's camp."
Zuko tensed all over. Eyes widened. "How do you- I mean, really? I didn't know that?"
His attempts at lying were cringe-worthy. It came out more as a question than a statement.
"Why are Ty Lee and Mai friends with me?"
Her abrupt change of subject startled him. "Oh, uh. That's because they really like you, Zula."
One of the best things about her brother was that since he was terrible at lying, Azula never had to wonder about second intentions and lies with him. She could trust him. But after finding out what he had been keeping secret for the last five years, you couldn't blame her for being paranoid.
Even if his words were sincere, Azula's next statement was bitter and shaking. "Are they afraid of me?"
He narrowed his eyes. Her brother, although awkward and adorable and inarticulate, he wasn't stupid. The gears were starting to turn in his head. Figuring it out slowly.
"No," he said confidently, "Mai and Ty Lee aren't afraid of you"
"Then why do they stay with me?"
Zuko took a deep breath and his eyes softened.
"Really, I think you should ask them that. But I know why they stay with you. Ty Lee admires you; she thinks you're confident, beautiful and smart. She respects you as a friend. But," he paused, "I think she loves spending time with you because you love spending time with her. You treat her like she's special, unique. You never got her confused with her sisters."
Azula smiled weakly, "It's hard not to. That girl's bubbly personality is very strange"
"Exactly!" Zuko nodded, "And Mai. Mai likes you because you accept her. Even if you're a princess, the pinnacle of politeness, you accept her wry sarcastic remarks, you never tell her to control herself in front of you. You never tell her to keep quiet and you always ask her opinion on a matter and force her to be herself."
Azula relaxed her posture. A genuine smile on her lips. She looked at her brother, "I think she also likes me because I'm your sister."
Zuko blushed at that.
A quiet silence filled the room. It was several minutes before he spoke.
"You weren't there feeding the turtle ducks," he said quietly, "You know, don't you?"
Azula looked down, "Yeah. But I'll support you no matter what."
Zuko thanked her gratefully for that. He almost missed her next words.
"I would jump in front of lightning to save you"