So, I was patiently-not, waiting outside the statue of the one-eyed witch, waiting for Lupin to show up. As if I was not miffed enough that I was apparently not trustworthy enough to go shopping myself, now, my 'body guard', so to speak, was late.

Only girls are ever allowed to be late. I don't know why, only that it's true.

Finally I saw the poor boy rounding the corner, however, as soon as he caught sight of me, his head vanished again. No, I don't mean his head vanished, as in vanished. That would be impossible-well…not, but you know what I mean! I saw his head disappear back around the corner.

Alright, tree deep breaths. Must not punch wall. No, seriously, last time I tried to let out my stress that way, I ended up with a fist full of bruised knuckles. I glanced down at my wrist watch.

Then I remembered that Lily had taken away my wrist watch, because, apparently it is 'tacky'. She's quite the Mussolini, isn't she? A dictator, and obsessed with fashion, something you could only assume all Italians are, since they're all like 'we have Milan' and all that blah. It must surely be almost half past seven by now! If I am late to the party tonight because of Lupin, I shall personally castrate him! Well…maybe not personally, I'm not sure if I want to 'go down there,' but I shall employ someone to do it for me! Possibly Lily…make her pay for my torture.

I kicked off the ridiculous shoes that Lily had forced me into before I left. Really, shoes with points on the bottom are just asking for trouble. On second thought, I picked them up of the ground, chucked one in my handbag, and held the other in my hand. The points might prove to be useful if needed in warfare with the stupid git who first decided to stalk me, then kept me waiting. This was getting ridiculous, what the eff could he be doing hiding behind the corner?

I was about to round the corner, when Lupin flew into me. He knocked me right over, and fell on top of me. I don't care how skinny that bloke is, any six-foot person crashing on top of a just-over-five-foot one (I know, shut p, shut up, SHUT UP!) must hurt considerably, as you can imagine. I was nearly suffocating under his red sweater vest by the time he pulled himself up. I quickly stood up, not bothering to brush off my clothes as, first of all, they were Lily's and, secondly, I never do anyway. I did the first thing that came to mind, and that is saying, a mind which is angry it has just been knocked to the floor by a very not punctual boy.

I whacked him with the pointy-shoe-of-death.

"Ow! Kayla! What are you doing! Stop it! My mum made this sweater vest, and I imagine she would be very upset if I came home for Christmas with it all full of holes!"

"Well, I have every right! How dare you make me stand here waiting! I would have just gone ahead on my own if I wasn't such a curteous person! Something you are obviously not! You realize that I have been waiting for half an hour? The world does not stand still for you Remus Lupin, we have many things to buy! Ew… I just sounded like Lily!"

"Kayla, it's 6:58"

"Oh…"

"I'm sorry I crashed into you." He turned red, and was staring at the floor.

"What is it?" I asked, peering at the same spot on the floor. I don't know what could possibly be interesting about carpet. Well, there was something that looked like a boogie over in the corner. Boys and their boogies.

"Huh?"

"Oh god, never mind. Let's go then Mr. I-will-save-you-from-the-evilness-of-Hogsmeade-which-does-not-exis-by-the-way!." Boys and their stupid lack of short-term memory. Was Mr. Hot-and-Sexy-Trousers like this? I certainly hope not, or I shall have to commit suicide. For the one thing that I love shall not be tainted by repulsive boy-ness.

Remus tapped the witch's hump with his wand, and it slid aside to give us people that are not made of stone access to the passage hidden beneath. The twenty-minute walk that followed to the cellar of Honeydukes lasted what seemed like a whole week. Lupin kept staring at the ground and fidgeting. Honest to god, he was worse than a five-year old made to sit in church! First he started by playing with the collar of his sweater vest. After he got bored of that he started scuffing his shoes on the ground in a strange way that nearly landed him on his face several times. Then he fiddled with the buttons on his red sweater vest. Finally one popped off, and he just watched it fall to the ground. He kept walking, so I asked, "Don't you want your button?"

"I can erm…no…I…um…" I think he mumbled something, but I couldn't hear.

"What?"

He cleared his throat, and continued staring at the ground. "I can make…um….a...new one."

I was, of course, very confused by this statement. How does one make buttons? Unless of course, they own a button factory. "Do you poop buttons or something? I would think that they would be rather hard to 'make' seeing as they are made of melted plastic, and I don't often see equipment suitable for melting and molding plastic lying around Hogwarts."

Lupin stopped. He did a strange kind of shuffle in a circle, then walked back to pick up his button. He reached down to put it in his pocket, but, then realized he had no pockets. He waved it around in front of him for a few seconds before letting out a sigh. I sighed in return, and looked down at my watch.

Not there, of course.

"Lupin come here!" he shuffled over to me, and I realized his face was quite red. "Are you alright? Do you have a fever? Maybe you should go back and see Madam Pomfrey!"

"No…I…erm" Oh, this was getting ridiculous.

"Fine. Give me your button!" after he handed it to me, I muttered a spell and stuck it back on his shirt. I turned on my heel, and was about to begin walking again when Lupin spoke. And he actually used full sentences this time.

"Kayla…Did you just glue my button onto my shirt?"

I sighed. Men and their perfectionism! "I'm not a bloody housewife! I don't carry needles and thread in my purse! And even if I did, it's not as though I know how to use them! Stop being so bloody sexist!"

He looked taken aback for some reason. "I-where did you get that from? But…the glue's all sticky and it's dripping down onto my pants!"

I rolled my eyes. What else does he expect from me? Does James not tell people anything about me? Then I had an idea. "I thought you were intelligent!"

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"Well, then you should know how do perform a simple drying charm!"

"Oh…that." Remus took out his wand and prodded his sticky button with his wand. It promptly burst into flames, the rest of his sweater vest also catching fire. Ooops. Should I have told him that the glue can sometimes have that side affect when magically dried?

"Ahhhh! Kayla help me!"

I guess so. But he was just being so annoying… "Augumenti!"

There. No damage done. With the exception of Lupin's singed sweater vest. Oh well, his mum can make him another one. "Onward!" Lupin looked a bit put-off that I had made him burn his precious sweater vest, but I didn't care seeing as he wasn't supposed to be there anyway. We remained silent until I climbed up the ladder to Honeydukes.

Lupin stared at my feet as he climbed up onto the floor of the cellar. "Where are your shoes?"

I reached into my handbag and pulled out one of the evil shoes descended from Satan. I was throwing the rest of the contents in my bag every which way in search for the other. Then I realized. I must have left it on the ground after I had chucked it at Lupin. "Well, I have one shoe! That's better than nothing!"

Lupin stared at me.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh come on, lets get going!" we tip-toed out the back door of Honeydukes into the back alley behind the store. I made my way painfully down the gravel road towards Wendy's Witchwear. I stopped when I got a pebble stuck between my toe. Lupin stopped and observed as I pulled it out. Honestly, what great a help would he be if I did get attacked? He would probably just sit and watch. "Fat load of help you are!" I growled.

Lupin looked scared. "I…what…um"

I stood and crossed my arms. "Well?"

Lupin slowly slipped his foot out of his trainer. He was wearing wolly pink socks. Yes, pink. I frowned and raised one monstrosity as he picked it up and handed it to me. He was handing me his trainer. I screwed up my face and screamed, "No!"

Lupin jumped backwards and tripped over his feet. He jumped back up and dusted off his bottom. "What…what do you want? I don't get it!" he spluttered.

"Well, excuse me, best-friend-of-James-Potter, but I was under the impression that you were capable of a simple conjuring spell!"

"A..a conjuring spell?"

"Yes, a conjuring spell, you dunce! If I could conjur myself up shoes, do you think I would be walking around in my old loafers from K-mart?" I don't know what the British-land equivalent of Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Zellers, ect is. Help sil vous plait!

"Oh. Well, I suppose I could have thought of that. Sorry."

"Oh it's alright. Just some comfy shoes is fine. God, a man must have invented high-heels, because no sane woman would have!"

Lupin conjured me up a nice comfy pair of trainers. They fit perfectly, and we set off back down the passageway.

"If you hate high-heels so much, then why did you wear them?" Lupin asked.

"Oh, well, Lilsies made me. She truly IS evil."

"Why would she make you wear high-heels?"

"Well, she had this ridiculous notion that I was going on a date with you. I really have no clue where her mad mind comes up with these things." I said with a laugh.

"Oh." Lupin mumbled with his head down. By now, I had completely stopped even pondering the strange body language of boys, or, Lupin for that matter. If he wanted to walk around with his nose in the dirt, then that was fine by Kayla Karen-Kasha Kyhruzolpakovski.

"So where-"

"We're going to Wendy's Witchwear. I need some shirts, jewelry, make-up, nice knickers, and something I believe is called a 'mini skirt'."

"Well," he said, loosening the collar of his shirt, "that's some list. Why do you need all this stuff anyway? Why didn't you buy it over the summer?"

I glared at him. It's absolutely none of your business what I buy and why. If it were up to me, I wouldn't have you following me around so."

"Well, I apologize, but it does seem rather-"

"If you're going to insist on being so rude, then I'll have you know that I just happen to be wanting to finally embrace my femininity. Is that a problem?"

Lupin gulped as I yanked him inside the store. "No."

I proceeded to make Lupin as uncomfortable and embaressed as humanly possible. This included making him hold my bag of crap (aka Lilsie's dear handbag), and all of the clothes in the store. After I had found some suitable clothes for seducing Mr. Hot-and-Sexy-Trousers, I moved on to finding sexy knickers. Because sexy knickers are always good when you want to seduce someone. Right? And plus, it made Lupin even more uncomfortable.

I informed him of my bust-size, a quite perfect (in my opinion, anyway) 34C. Not small and pointy like Lilsies, but also not so large that they need a full-fledged harness to keep them under control, like Alice's. At first he just stood there, gazing at all the lady garments on the shelves, but after I yelled at him, he scurried off to a corner. I picked out a nice black knicker set, but it also came in red, my favourite colour. I couldn't decide, so I went to go find Lupin so he could do it for me. What else could teenage male body guards possibly be for?

I found him laden with a pile of bras, bustiers, and many types of knickers. A sales lady was piling even more on top of him. I picked up a pair knickers off of the top of the pile. They were wedgy knickers! I looked at them in utter disgust.

"Lupin! What in the name of Merlin gives you the idea that I would wear these?"

"I..she…no-"

"Lupin, they're PINK! They're effing PINK! And they have bloody lace and bows on them! Do you not know ANYTHING about me?"

"I-"

"Now these," I said, cutting him off while picking up a pair of purple wedgy knickers, "are more like me! Now, let me see, what you've got here…"

After sorting through the pile of knickers, large and small, I picked out three sets, including the purple wedgy knickers that Lupin had found. Lupin had muttered (after much threatening and violence on my part) that he thought the red knicker set suited me better. I also picked out a new polka-dot bra. There was a large pile of knickers strewn on the floor by the time we left the department to move on to the make-up counter.

Now, I knew that Lilsies had put some sort of paste on my face to make it look all perfect and whatnot, and I had to admit, it would have been rather nice if she hadn't piled on sparkles on top of it.

"Excuse me, but I need some face paste please." I said. A rather large witch looked down imposingly at me from the counter.

"Face paste? I beg your pardon…"

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "You know…that mushy stuff you rub on your face to make everything look all..like…smoothe and stuff!"

The lady looked at me. "I'm gonna give you some of Mrs. Mendall's Magical Matte Mouse. It matches to your skin tone and lasts for 24 hours. Won't come off for nothing, so you don't got to worry about it melting off. Now, I'm warning you, when I say won't come off for twenty four hours, well, I actually mean it. So you be careful. Ya hear? Ya hear girl?"

"Uh-huh." I hadn't really been listening. As usual, but instead staring at the pippy display.

Now…how bad could it be to highlight my not-so-bad mouth to draw attention away from the monstrocities? Not bad indeed…

Lupin was standing at the perfume counter smelling different bottles when I asked the sales lady for a tester tube.

"Well, I'm sorry girl, but that stuff's Mrs. Mendall's Luscious Lippy. Lasts 24 hours. Can't get it off for nothing. Not even magical make-up remover takes off her stuff. She's a clever lady, that Mrs. Mendall. Well…I hear there is one way but-"

"But how will I know what that stuff will look like if I can't test it? Lilsies lippy never looks as nice on me cause she's paler!"

"Sorry."

"Achooo!"

I looked over to see Lupin having a sneezing fit over at the perfume counter. The sales lady over there didn't look at all pleased. I wouldn't be either if some icky boy was getting his germs all over my clean, shiny counter.

Then I got the wonderful idea that had seemed ever so wonderful at the time, but really wasn't so wonderful in afterthough-well, maybe it was. I still don't know. Anyway, I realized that Lupin had pretty much the same skin colour as I do, so…

Oh yes, I sure did I tell you. I was a very naughty girl that night!

"Excuse me, could I please have a tube of…erm…Promiscuous Plum?" I asked, giggling at the name.

"Well, that's kind of bold don't you think, maybe you'd like something a bit more-"

"No, I want Promiscuous Plum please." I said, smiling deceivingly innocently.

"Nine sickles, eleven knuts."

Well, that was a hefty lot to pay for a prank. But…if it would stop Potter from ever sending his friends tagging along after me forever then…what the heck! I quickly handed over the money

"Now, girl, as I was saying, some say that there is one way to make that stuff come off. Interested in knowing are you?"

"Oh no. I think I'll be fine. Thanks though." I replied, waving at her as I went to go fetch Lupin.

"Hey Lupin, I have one more thing I want your opinion on," I whispered, grasping his shoulder with my left hand. I could have sworn that he jumped about two feet in the air.

"Ye-what? You-you scared me."

"Oh, well, see I'm not sure if it will actually suit me, but you have a similar complexion to me, no?" I pushed off the lid of the lippy in my right hand, and prepared to strike.

"Well, yes, I'd say so, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"I don't exactly want to try it out myself, because I don't want to walk around looking all funny, like I have bruised lips or something…"

"Bruised lips? Why would you-ARGH! BHKKJSUBG! PHUGUH!" Lupin flailed his arms wildly as I pounced on him, but to no avail. When I stepped back, I observed a very…purple Lupin. See…in all his flailing, I kind of…did a sloppy job, and by sloppy, I mean, it looked like not only did the insane boy put on purple lippy, but purple blush, and purple…erm…nose make-up?

"Bleh. What…what was that? Did you…no you didn't! Tell me you didn't! What is that stuff?" he asked in panic pointing to the now squashed tube of lippy.

I beamed. "Mrs. Mendall's Luscious Lippy in Promiscuous Purple!"

Lupin stared at me with his purple mouth hanging open. He rubbed at his face with his hand, seeing no marks on his hand, he spit on his fingers (Eeewww) and wiped at his mouth area. Still seeing no progress, the victim spoke. "What the bloody hell is this stuff?"

"Lasts twenty-four hours. Not even magical make-up remover can remove it! Isn't it great?"

"Well, see the fact that I look like I was mugged, and have-oh yeah, what did you call it-Promiscuous Purple lippy all over my face doesn't make me feel too cheerful."

"You know what they say, only a real man can wear make-up!"

"Kayla, you don't even wear make-up!"

"What the bloody hell do you think all this sparkle crap is?"

"That's only there because Lily practically tied you to a chair to put it on you!"

"Yeah…so?"

"Kayla, this isn't funny! I can't go back to Gryffindor Tower like this!"

Kayla looked at the ground. It wasn't so funny now that Lupin actually seemed upset. She hadn't meant to upset him, he wasn't actually that bad. He had been very nice to her the whole evening. Now she actually felt guilty. "Well…that lady over there had said that there was some way to make it go away. A rumor or something."

"Well, what is it?" he asked expectantly.

"How am I supposed to know? It's not as though I wanted to sit through some stupid theory about how to take off lippy! I have better things to do with my precious time!"

"Like putting lippy all over sixteen-year-old boys' faces?"

I laughed. Remus-yes I referred to him as Remus, it was the least I could do after publicly humiliating him, actually had a sense of humor. We walked together up to the make-up counter. The lady who had sold me the lippy was busy with another customer, so we waited for her to finish. She turned around with her big fake smile on her face, but it slid right off when she saw Remus's face. She crossed her arms and frowned at me. I looked guiltily at the ground. I felt like a five-year old getting scolded.

"Yes? Having some trouble with the lippy?"

"Um…I was wondering if you might be willing to inform us of the one way that might possibly remove this stuff from his face?"

Remus was darting his eyes around. He was blushing a deep shade of red, which actually suited the lippy very well.

"Well, girl, what is the single best way to get rid of lippy?"

I quirked a monstrosity. "But you said that even magical make-up remover-"

I thought my eyes would pop out of my skull when she answered, and I heard Remus give a small squeak.

"No, no hun. By the single best way to get rid of lippy, and the one way that may remove that particular lippy, I mean snogging."