For those of you that've stuck with me, we're at an end. For those of you who are picking this fic up for the first time, we're still at an end. You just missed everything. Tough luck for you.
This chapter has been brought to you by Johnny the Homicidal Maniac and my new obsession with it. Yay insanity!
Vexen was very, very confused.
Only moments before the Chilly Academic had been floating in an infinite void of nothing. Then there had been a kind of imploding popping feeling, and suddenly he was standing in some kind of night club with his head brushing the ceiling and something ramming into his legs, stomach, and chest every two-point-five seconds.
The Nobody coughed as a round, slightly squishy object hit him in the stomach. On reflex he grabbed it, then squinted his eyes and tried to see what it was through the flashing strobe lights. It looked kind of fuzzy, and seemed to be some sort of antennae-like attachment. Naturally Vexen's eyes followed the appendage down to its owner, the owner being very irritated by it's pompom's capture. With an angry "Kupo!" it jerked the object out of Vexen's hand and disappeared back into the roiling crowd of the same species. It took the Chilly Academic only a moment to figure out that he was stuck in a room full to the brim with moogles. By the smell of it, intoxicated moogles.
One such drunken creature stumbled up to Vexen and attacked his leg with a happy "Kupo!" All around the pit other moogles were doing the same thing to one another. As the full realization of where he was dawned on him, Vexen kicked the leg-attacking moogle hard and watched as it sailed clear across the pit. "You're pretty good at this, kupo…" it mumbled before passing out in a drunken stupor. The Nobody ignored it, having other things to worry about.
Like the fact he was trapped in a moogle-mosh pit, for starters.
---
"Tee-hee! What's wrong Mr. Grumpy-Face?" Rikku asked for what seemed like the forty-second millionth time. The blonde sprite flitted dangerously close to her torture victim of the day, giggling when he growled and tried to grab her. She easily flew out of arm reach and closer to her cousin. Yuna was laughing as well as Rikku's victim lost his balance and almost toppled off the tarp covering on the wooden stall, his wings snapping open to prevent him from falling. As soon as he was seated comfortably again, the other sprite continued glaring at the two females. The scowl brought the X-shaped scar on his face down into an ugly expression, and the wings on his back flicked irritably. Rikku and Yuna both giggled in unison.
The sprite, as it turned out, was a Nobody. Saïx, to be exact, and he was in a rather bad mood. This was most likely due to the fact that he was six inches tall, stuck in Radiant Garden, and being hounded by a pair of deranged sprites. The great big blue and brown butterfly wings on his back didn't do anything to help matters, either.
At least the blue matched his hair.
Saïx's eyes narrowed as the girls giggled again, focusing his glare on the blonde that was by far the most annoying. Worse then moogles or even Xigbar. Well, maybe not as annoying as Xigbar, at least not when he had a toy gun to play with. Then the Nobody was unbearable, using his ability to manipulate gravity to pretend he was a spy or something. The entire Castle became his own personal spy movie, complete with his own theme music. It was during on of those days that Xigbar had decided that Saïx was the "bad guy". Saïx smirked to himself. At least Number Two would never mistake the X-shaped scar on Saïx's face for a target ever again.
The smirk fell from his face as the blonde slut-sprite flew into his line of vision, giggling like an insane goblin. One blue eyebrow twitched and he summoned his Claymore. The sprite was starting to really get on his nerves, and he wanted to be ready when he snapped. Too often a victim had escaped due to the time delay in summoning his weapon, and he really didn't want that to be the case this time. A third sprite with whitish hair joined the other two from her place against one of the pit walls. There was a frown on her face and she glanced at Saïx worriedly.
"I think we should look out girls. Mr. Grumpy is starting to become Mr. Creepy," she said, giving him a look. Rikku giggled again and shook her head, flying in closer to Saïx and disregarding the Claymore in his hand.
"Aw, don't be mean, Paine!" She giggled shrilly. "He's just a blue-haired Mr. Grumpy-Face with a big blue Popsicle stick! Aren't you?" Green eyes met gold as she pressed her face in close to Saïx's. He recoiled and her grin grew even wider.
"Hey, you mind doing me a favor?" he asked. Rikku nodded innocently and Saïx's smirk returned. In one smooth motion he lifted the weapon and pressed it to her throat, the blades on the end emerging a second later. "That's good," he said. "Now shut the hell up."
---
Xemnas tried and failed to hold back a short laugh, marveling at his own abilities. The Nobody stood on a flat area behind a building, overlooking Radiant garden's marketplace. It had taken him only moments to escape his appointed babysitter, and now he was waiting for any signs that another member of his Organization had appeared. If one group had come, then there was a very good chance that any of the others would also show up, most likely with some form of chaos. He wasn't disappointed.
A shrill, female scream startled Xemnas and almost caused him to fall off the roof. He recovered quickly and made his way towards the source, the source being a large pit-like area in the center of the marketplace. Strangely enough, when Xemnas drew close he noticed that there was nobody standing near. Almost as if they had ran away or something. Xemnas shrugged it off and jumped down into the pit, almost losing his balance when he hit the bottom. His left foot had landed in something bright red and slippery. After regaining his balance, he looked around to find that the entire pit area was covered in the liquid. There were small puddles and smears leading near a tool-shed against the opposite wall, and a fine mist on the ground near that. The screaming had stopped.
Xemnas glanced at the carnage briefly, none of it really attracting his attention as he instead looked for the culprit. The culprit wasn't too hard to find, as he was sitting on the edge of the tarp over the tool shed cleaning his weapon, a satisfied smirk on his face and a stained yellow scarf around his neck. Xemnas groaned and palmed his face. Just like Saïx to keep a souvenir.
Saïx was happily cleaning up his weapon when he heard his name called by someone. Looking up, the sprite almost fell off his perch when he caught sight of his fellow Nobody and former leader. The Claymore fell from his hand and disappeared as Saïx stared in stunned silence at Xemnas. The silence didn't last very long, and a grin began to break out on Saïx's face. The grin grew and in a moment the Nobody was almost rolling on the ground with how hard he was laughing. Xemnas pouted and crossed his arms, waiting until his second in command had sufficiently recovered enough to speak. By the judge of things, that would take a while.
"You're-you're a k-kid!" Saïx managed out, still laughing fit to burst. "A midget!" Xemnas made a growling noise and tapped his foot angrily. He stopped when a thought came to him, his face instead breaking out into a smirk that was extremely disturbing on a six-year-old child.
"So? You're a bug," he stated, almost condescendingly. That made Saïx shut up, and the sprite glanced up irritably.
"Am not," he sulked. "I am a sprite." Xemnas raised an eyebrow and approached the tool shed, being careful not to slip in the red goo. "What's all this goo from?" he asked Saïx. The sprite's expression instantly shifted from a sulk to a more-than-slightly insane grin, and he ran a hand down the scarf around his neck.
"Well," he started. "There were these annoying sprites that wouldn't leave me alone. And one of them was a slut that decided it would be a good idea to invade my personal bubble. So I taught them that a person's personal space should be respected," he finished, a somewhat bloodthirsty-dreamy look on his face that only Saïx could achieve. Xemnas wrinkled his nose and frowned at the red puddles. It was just like Saïx to go on an insane killing rampage for no real reason. After all, he did control the Berserker Nobodies. And some people pegged Axel as being the most violent of the Organization. There was a reason Xigbar had scars all over his face and refused to come within thirty feet of Saïx.
A sudden loud crash startled both Nobodies, causing Xemnas to almost fall into one of the red puddles as an explosion rocked the ground. Saïx was saved from a similar fate thanks to his blue butterfly wings. Without a word the two exchanged a glance, then Xemnas scrambled out of the pit and they both headed for the source of the noise.
Where there was chaos, there was probably a Nobody.
---
Vexen coughed into his hand as he stumbled out of the wreckage that has once been a building, eyes watering at the smoke. Once clearing the zone of devastation he turned to survey the damage and winced at what he saw.
The entire front half of the building had been ripped away, along with a good part of the roof. A sign reading "Club de Kupo" lay partially buried under the mountains of rubble, along with several moogles. Some were moaning a little, but most were too drunk to even realize what had happened to them. One of the few still-intact tables was on fire. Vexen winced.
He hadn't really meant to cause such a big explosion. He had just grown tired of trying to find a way out of the badly lit, smoky room. Having drunk moogles come up and hump his leg like spring loaded rabbits on crack hadn't been helping any. Vexen just hadn't been able to take it anymore.
It wasn't as if it had been hard to blow the building up, either. Just a flick of the wrist, a hastily erected ice barrier, and the handy application of a vial of purple goo to a nearby light. The good had been a compound specially made by Vexen himself that would explode on being heated even a few degrees. This assured that the "Chilly Academic" would be the only one to ever use it.
Vexen sighed as another section of the building came crumbling down, further obscuring the club sign. There was a muffled "Ow!" as the debris hit a moogle. Oh well, it wasn't as if there was anybody to hold it against him.
"You certainly did a number this time," commented a dry and very familiar voice from behind him. Vexen whirled around to face the culprit, and almost fell as he stared at his Superior with an open-mouthed expression. Xemnas wasn't the only one being stared at, though Saïx was too busy poking an unconscious moogle to pay much attention to his comrade, the yellow scarf around his neck standing out in horrible contrast to his hair. Vexen shook his head a few times and rubbed his eyes, as if to see whether he was hallucinating or not. As it became apparent that this wasn't some sort of smoke induced vision, he stumbled over to the other two Nobodies.
"What happened to you two?" he blurted out, unable to keep his eyes off the now shrunken state of both Saïx and Xemnas. It was Xemnas that chose to answer allowing Saïx the freedom of floating off to do whatever.
"It was where we came back to life at. It affected our bodies somehow. I resurrected in the 100 Acre Wood as a child, and Saïx was apparently surrounded by sprites," he explained, crossing his arms as Vexen absorbed the information. "We aren't the only ones alive again, either. I've seen Zexion and Demyx again so far, though there could be others." Vexen nodded in agreement.
Meanwhile, Saïx had wandered over to the rubble of the building. Becoming a sprite seemed to have messed up his mind, as he now had more of a happy, homicidal killer attitude towards the world instead of his usual aloof act. Whatever the reason why, he was more than happy to sit and stab at the exposed pompom of a trapped moogle with the stem of a broken wine glass. That activity was interrupted, however, when the piece of rubble he was sitting on began to move. The sprite leapt up and hovered the air, watching as a slab of concrete shifted and fell off the owner of the pompom he had been stabbing at. The moogle forced its way out of the rubble, an angry gleam in its eye. The nametag pinned to its tattered green club jacket proclaimed "Mox" in large capital letters. "Manager" was printed underneath in a smaller font.
Saïx grinned to himself evilly. From the way the moogle was looking around, its pompom a dark red in rage, Saïx had to guess that it had been the owner of the club as well as the manager. It was also most likely looking for whoever had destroyed the club, intent on wreaking some well-deserved revenge for the establishment. And violence was something that Saïx could not resist. With a snicker he flew down to the moogle's eye-level.
"Looking for someone?" Saïx asked, raising one brilliant-blue eyebrow and trying not to look as though he already knew the answer. The moogle was too distracted by its own rage to notice, and it fixed the sprite with a beady glare.
"Yeah!" It exclaimed angrily. "I'm looking for the bastard that blew up my shop!" Saïx smirked and crossed his arms and jerked a thumb at his two superiors. They were conversing in low voices and hadn't seen the moogle emerge from the rubble. "That the guy?" Saïx asked, as if he didn't already know. The change that came over the moogle was astonishing. It stared at Vexen's back for maybe two seconds before it's face contorted and it let out an angry "Kupo!" The pompom on its head was now a deep red, and with a growl it launched itself at the Nobody who had ruined its club.
Vexen had been listing intently to Xemnas' story and trying to come up with a conclusion when he was suddenly hit in the lower back with something that felt like a medium-sized dog launched out of a small cannon. He stumbled forward a few steps and almost fell before regaining his balance and whirling around to face whatever had attacked him. He was stunned to find that the culprit barely came up to his waist, though it was pretty big for a moogle. Vexen gulped as he read the moogle's nametag and saw the enraged expression on its face. Behind it Saïx could been seen floating over the rubble, the broken stem of a wine glass in one of his hands and an expectant smirk on his face. Vexen made a mental note to get back at Saïx after this.
"Yes?" Vexen asked the infuriate moogle, though he already had a good idea of what it wanted. This was confirmed when it suddenly reared back and kicked him hard in the shin. As he held his leg and hopped around in pain, it suddenly blurted out, "Compensation!"
"Excuse me?" Vexen asked, putting both feet on the ground. The moogle glared at him.
"You heard me," it said. "I want compensation for what you did to my shop!" Vexen glanced at Xemnas, who shrugged as if to say, This is your problem. Don't bring me into it. Vexen glared at him then turned his attention back to the moogle. "Look" he said nervously. "I don't exactly have any munny right now, so…"
Anything else Vexen was about to say was cut off as the moogle suddenly disappeared. An instant later and Vexen had also been consumed by the rapidly spreading portal that had formed while they had been talking. Xemnas and Saïx were both absorbed seconds later. Having completed its purpose, the portal began to shrink again and was gone in a moment.
---
Demyx was dead. Again.
Well, maybe he was dead again. He was definitely in Hell. The random screaming, moaning, and far-off elevator music proved it. He was also reasonably sure that the rocks digging painfully into his liver and face were a gay blue color. He didn't know for certain as his eyes were closed like the first time he had awakened in Hell. This time, though, there was something approximately the sized and weight of a medium-sized dog lying on his back and what felt like an arm gripped in his left hand. It could've been a stick or something, though. He wouldn't know for certain until he opened his eyes, though, and he did just that. Immediately he shrieked and leapt to his feet, sending whatever had been on his back flying as he dropped, no, threw the thing that had been in his hand away.
"Wimp," Larxene sneered, calmly picking up her severed hand and reattaching it to the arm it had come from. Demyx stood a few feet away from her, one hand over his nonexistent heart as he stared at the female Nobody. She glanced at him irritably and Demyx noticed that she was also missing one of her eyes and a good chunk out of her face. He had to fight the urge to gag as he realized that she must have fallen apart upon arriving in Hell. This realization caused him to glance around on the ground nervously, as if he expected to find her disembodied eye staring at him from somewhere. Larxene noticed this and said in a cool voice, "Everyone else is here too." She then stalked off to the other side of the cavern.
They were indeed inside of a huge cavern that Demyx recognized as the room behind the Green Door, the one with the Lake of Fire. The lake itself was located off to his left, its surface casting a dim red glow over the entire chamber. The lifeguard station was still there, though unoccupied now. What Larxene had said finally registered, and Demyx began to scan the cave for his fellow Nobodies. He didn't have to look very hard.
Off to his left, Demyx could see Zexion engaged in a conversation with Marluxia, the blindfold having served its purpose and now hanging uselessly around his neck. Marluxia was still a girl, her face set in an angry scowl, arms crossed over her chest and shifting her weight from foot to foot in a way the clearly said that that she was uncomfortable. Larxene was making her way towards them holding something in her hand that just might've been her missing eye. As Demyx's stomach did a double backflip he shifted his focus to the other people in the chamber.
There was Vexen talking heatedly to Xemnas while a moogle in a green jacket bobbed around their legs. Close to them stood Xigbar, laughing his head off at Lexaeus, Xaldin, and Luxord. The three were sopping wet, and already standing in a conglomerate sort of puddle. By the look on Xaldin's face, however, Xigbar wouldn't be laughing for very much longer. Unless he could laugh with a spear sticking out of his throat, that is.
That left the thing that had been on Demyx's back. It was sitting a few feet away from him, a dazed look on its face as it recovered from hitting the cavern floor. It looked sort of like a cat, if a cat was about the same size as a small child and could walk upright. It was mostly covered in orange fur with a cream-colored underbelly and a mane of brilliant red hair. It had wide green eyes, marked by a small blue-green triangle under each. As soon as it cleared its head, it locked eyes with Demyx and leapt to its feet, letting out angry squeaks and shaking one pale paw at him in a surprisingly human gesture. It then turned tail and ran a few feet away on all fours, stopping next to-
"Roxas!"
Roxas' head shot up as he looked around wildly for whoever had called his name. Demyx grinned and waved, walking the short distance over to his former teammate. "Roxas!" He repeated. "It's good to see you again! I didn't think you existed anymore."
"Well what about you?" Roxas replied, raising one eyebrow. "I thought you and everyone else were dead. What happened?" Demyx shrugged. "No idea," he said. "So, how'd you escape Sora's head?"
Roxas scratched the back of his head before replying. "Actually, Axel drop-kicked Sora in the head and I appeared," he said, pointing at the furry creature standing next to him. The creature struck a proud pose and Demyx's jaw dropped.
"That's Axel?" He asked, pointing at it. The fiery moomba literally smirked at him and then let out a squeaking, surprisingly superior-sounding laugh. Demyx closed his mouth and let his hand drop back to his side; it was Axel all right. Only Axel could make a squeak sound superior. Demyx wrinkled his nose as something else Roxas had said registered. "Wait, he kicked you out of Sora? How does that even work?"
"No idea," Roxas admitted as Axel shook his head. Demyx thought on it for a moment then, in true Demyx fashion, let the subject drop. It would probably be answered later anyway. Instead he shoved his hands into the hip pockets of his hoodie and grinned at Roxas. "Hey, did you know Marluxia's been turned into a girl?" He asked casually. Almost immediately the other two began to look around the cavern for their transgendered companion. As son as they spotted her, Axel began to roll on the ground with how hard he was laughing. Roxas' tried not to laugh, but he just couldn't help it. He first snorted, then broke out into laughter along with Axel and Demyx. Across the cavern, Marluxia glared in the threesome's direction. She knew they were laughing at her in her predicament, and vowed to herself that if they got out of Hell, she'd introduce all of them to the business end of a scythe.
"And Saïx is a bug."
All three stopped laughing as Vexen approached, a smirk on the scientist's face. Following close behind him was the moogle Demyx had before. It glared at the Nobodies sullenly as Vexen joined them. Vexen nodded at Demyx and then turned toward his other fellow Organization member. "It's good to see you again, Roxas," he said.
"Likewise," Roxas replied, and Axel squeaked. Instantly Vexen's attention shifted to the fiery moomba and he grinned. Not in a pleasant way either.
"Oh, hello Axel," he said, in a tone that made Axel's ears flatten. "I can tell it's you. I haven't forgiven or forgotten that you sliced me in half. You're not escaping punishment this time," Vexen finished, crossing his arms and sending the moomba a chilling glare. Demyx scratched his head in confusion. "He chopped you in half?" he asked. "When?"
"Back in Castle Oblivion," the scientist answered. "I was going to tell Sora about Roxas." This time it was Roxas who was confused.
"Where was I during this?" Roxas asked. Vexen shrugged and replied, "No idea."
Suddenly, the trio of Nobodies were distracted as a loud "Kupo!" interrupted them. It appeared as though Axel had gotten bored after Vexen's death-threat and had began investigating the moogle. Of course, the moogle wasn't very pleased with this, and had tried to bite Axel. Both Demyx and Roxas looked at it then Vexen with similarly puzzled expressions on their faces. The scientist cleared his throat nervously.
"This is Mox," he said, gesturing to the moogle. "I blew up his club and now he keep following me around."
Demyx raised an eyebrow. "You blew up a club?" Mox interrupted before Vexen could open his mouth.
"Damn right he did!" He yelled. "A quarter of a million munny down the drain with one little tube of purple goo, kupo! So now I'm gonna follow you around until you pay for the damages to my shop."
"You mean buy you a new building," Vexen intoned, earning him a glare from the moogle. With a sigh the scientist stared down at him. "Look," he said." I'm a heartless being that until recently was very dead. I'm not exactly rolling in cash over here. Go find a rich person to stalk."
Mox stared at him for a moment, then his pompom began to turn a deep red as his rage intensified. The moogle's face contorted and Demyx backed away from him nervously. Just as it looked as though the moogle might explode, he suddenly pitched forward and fell on his face. Behind him stood Axel with an innocent look on his furry face. Mox recovered quickly, jumping back up and whirling around to face the moomba. Literally snarling, he spat out, "What the hell was that for!" Axel's innocent face changed swiftly as he made a squeaking reply that Mox somehow understood.
"I was not being irrational, kupo," he returned. The moomba just squeaked and crossed its front paws in a very Axel-like way.
A bright flash of light from the other side of the Lake of Fire effectively stopped any sort of conversation in the cavern. A column of green fire had appeared, and from it stepped two vastly different figures.
The first was the lifeguard demon that both Demyx and Xigbar had seen. His white sunhat was gone, though, and a frown was set on his face. He appeared to be saying something to the other person, though it was in a voice too low to be heard by the Nobodies. It was obvious he was angry with the girl, and the second figure was indeed a girl. She had long, wavy, almost pure gold hair. Her eyes were a vivid periwinkle blue that, at that moment, were adverted to the ceiling as she ignored the lifeguard. She was wearing a dark and light blue patterned tank-top, tight black jeans, and high-top black canvas shoes that in her world were known as Converses. Around her right wrist was a dice bracelet. Pinned to her shirt was a faintly glowing tag that read "Visitor-Kenzo". Under the name was a smiley face.
As they stepped into the room, the lifeguard gestured at the collective Nobodies. "And this is why when I tell you to leave and not touch anything, you leave and don't touch anything!" he yelled angrily. Kenzo was silent for a moment, then she blinked and looked at the lifeguard.
"Huh? I'm sorry, I wasn't listening," she said, her eyes wandering even as she spoke. Her face lit up as she caught sight of the Nobodies. Xigbar, who was standing the closest to her, began to scoot away nervously. Xaldin, Luxord, and Lexaeus had long since moved and joined their Superior. Something small with bright blue wings was flitting around Xemnas as well, and Demyx guessed that the thing was Saïx. Axel was crouched at Roxas' feet, staring with an intensity that only an animal could get away with.
"Cool!" Kenzo exclaimed. "You guys aren't dead anymore!" She glanced around the cavern. "Well, sorta. What happened to you guys?" Standing next to her, the lifeguard sighed and palmed his face.
"Girl," he started, "Do you remember the room you went into after I told you to leave?" Kenzo nodded. The lifeguard continued. "Do you remember the red button you pushed?" This time Kenzo's face lit up with understanding.
"Oh! So that brought them back to life!" She exclaimed happily. Her expression shifted into puzzlement as something else occurred to her. "Wait. What did the green button do?" Wordlessly the lifeguard lifted his arm and gestured toward Marluxia. It took Kenzo a second to understand, but when she did her visage lightened again. "So the green button messed them up?" The lifeguard nodded.
It was then that Xemnas stepped forward, clearing his throat nervously. He was tired of being ignored and having his Organization talked about as though they were on display. Both the lifeguard and the teenage girl stopped talking and focused their attention on him. Hating the ridiculously high voice his body gave him, Xemnas began speaking. It was time to get things back under his control, and the first step to that was getting tall.
"I think I may understand what's going on." He said, hands behind his back. The gesture looked strange on the six-year-olds body. "It's your job to return us to whatever dimension we were being held in, correct?" Here he paused. Kenzo had wandered from the lifeguard's side, scooting closer to Xigbar. The Freeshooter would then scoot a few more inches away from her. Kenzo would scoot a little closer, Xigbar would scoot a little further away. Demyx guessed that in about fifteen minutes they would reach the other side of the cavern if they kept it up. Xemnas grinned as the lifeguard nodded, agreeing with him. "That makes me wonder. If it is your job to ensure we are returned to our own Hells, what will be your punishment if we're stuck looking like this?" He finished the sentence with a flourishing sweep of his arm, another gesture that looked odd on the child. The lifeguard scratched one of his horns, then raised an eyebrow at Xemnas.
"You just want to be your normal size again, don't you?" He accused. Xemnas said nothing, merely waited. The lifeguard sighed. "Fine. Have it your way." He snapped his fingers and the Lake of Fire was momentarily extinguished. The instant everything went dark, something in the cave squealed, closely followed by a man's yelp. The Lake rekindled itself, providing light once again.
In the short time that the cavern had been completely dark, several things had happened. Demyx could see Saïx, full-sized and sitting on the ground with a pained expression on his scarred face. Near him, Xemnas was once again an adult, and on his face was possibly the most joy he had in his entire nonexistent heart. The result wasn't very impressive. Xaldin, Luxord, and Lexaeus were still wet, though, and Marluxia was still in a dress. Strangely enough, the only way Demyx could tell that the Graceful Assassin was now a boy was because he no longer had a rack. Other than that, there wasn't much of a visible difference. On Larxene the changes were more apparent, as she was now whole and stitch-free.
A slight noise from behind Demyx caused the Nobody to turn and look. Axel was standing in the exact place he had been crouching in as a moomba. With a grin he stretched his arms above his head and flexed his muscles. It was obvious he was glad to be a Nobody again. Demyx turned back around as the lifeguard began to speak. "Now that you're all fixed, you-…"he trailed off into a gurgle, and Xemnas smirked.
The lifeguard stood, one eye staring blankly with shock, the other obscured by Axel's chakram. The weapon had split his head in half, and several kunai stuck in his torso. One of Xaldin's lances was forced through his throat, effectively severing the demon's windpipe along with his vocal chords. Buried halfway into the lifeguard's side was the unmistakable blue blade of Saïx's Claymore. A dark red substance dribbled from all of the wounds. Two seconds after all of the other weapons had been launched there was the sound of a gunshot and a dark smoking hole appeared where the demon's heart would be. Xemnas looked at Xigbar, one eyebrow raised questioningly.
"What? I had to aim around her!" Xigbar defended himself, pointing down at Kenzo. The teenager was hugging him around the waist happily, and Demyx guessed that it was Xigbar who had yelled when the cave had gone dark. It made sense, anyway. Behind him, Axel yawned and scratched his head. "Now what?" he asked. All of the Nobodies looked at one another, then their Superior for an answer. The demon had melted in to a puddle of dark goo.
Meanwhile, Kenzo disengaged herself from Xigbar and decided to wander over in Saïx's direction. The Lunar Diviner saw her approaching him and, in an animalistic fashion, summoned his Claymore and all but growled at her. The taffy yellow scarf he had confiscated as a sprite was still around his neck, having increased in size when he did. Kenzo stopped a few feet away, a grin plastered to her face.
"Wow, your hair is so freakin' blue! Is that natural? Where'd you get that dumb-looking scar on your face? Hmm? Hmm?" Xigbar began laughing as Saïx's face convulsed in a super twitch. Wordlessly he raised his Claymore, earning a quirked eyebrow from his soon-to-be victim. "What are you gonna do with that big Popsicle stick?" She asked smugly. The smug look fell from her face when the blades emerged from the end of the weapon with a sharp metallic sound. Saïx grinned menacingly.
"What was that about my hair?" he snarled. Kenzo made a sort of high-pitched squeaking noise before returning to her position around Xigbar's waist. Xigbar glared at Saïx.
"Thanks a lot," he muttered. Saïx just waved a hand at him in a dismissive gesture, eliciting a growl from the Freeshooter. Axel laughed at the both of them. It was good to be a nonexistent again.
"What the hell happened here?"
For the second time in a few minutes, all present turned towards the sound of an unfamiliar voice. This time there was no flashy pillars of fire, though. Instead the figure almost seemed to have spontaneously appeared out of thin air, although judging by the Nobodies' recent lack of an attention span it could have just as easily walked in and been just as easily unnoticed. The figure was tall and impossibly thin, with a pair of tightly curled horns and blank, disdainful red eyes. Though it showed no outward signs of gender, it seemed to be male. It was also floating very slightly, as instead of feet it just sort of trailed off into a black, roiling, cloud-like thing, very reminiscent of the form some Heartless took before becoming solid. In any case, it certainly seemed to fit the definition of a devil better then the lifeguard had.
The devil floated over to the cluster of Nobodies, letting out a sigh as it caught sight of the gooey remains of the lifeguard. "There goes another one. I swear, we loose more tour guides in this sector than anywhere else," the devil said. Its voice held a note of superiority that suggested the devil was used to ordering people around. It then turned to acknowledge the presence of the Nobodies.
"I am Señor Satan," it said flatly, "I am the one in charge of this particular version of Purgatory, and all of its damned. I am also here to escort all of you out. You've caused me enough of a headache for one day." Señor Satan fixed Kenzo with a look on the word "all", and the teenager ducked back behind Xigbar for a moment. She was still oddly exited for some reason, though. Luxord scratched his head in confusion for a moment.
"Wait, so you're the Devil?" he asked. Satan scoffed.
"Not hardly, no. But I am the only Devil you should concern yourself with," he said. The statement confused Demyx, but before he could say anything Larxene interrupted him.
"If you're in charge here, who was that guy?" she asked, pointing to the pile of red goo behind Satan. The demon glanced backwards at it unfeelingly.
"Just a tour guide, nothing more," he said bluntly. Larxene dropped her arm and shrugged; she could accept that answer. It was Xigbar that spoke up next, trying desperately to pull Kenzo off of his ribs.
"You said something about leaving, right? Can we do that now?" He snapped. Señor Satan nodded and began walk/floating over to the large stone doors that marked the cavern's one and only exit. The Nobodies fell in line behind him. Suddenly Vexen stopped and said "Wait." The Organization obliged, though Marluxia was glaring at the scientist for delaying him a change of clothes. Vexen just grinned malevolently and turned around.
Mox was standing behind him. The moogle wore an expression of determination, and it was clear that he wasn't going to leave Vexen alone any time soon. Still, the Nobody gave him one last chance.
"This is last time I'm going to ask you to go away," he said. The moogle just snorted and stared unblinkingly up at him.
"Are you nuts, kupo? I'm not going anywhere until I get a new building! And there's nothing you can do about it, kupo!" Mox yelled. Vexen sighed.
"Correction," he said. "I can do something about it." With that he took hold of the moogle's pompom with both hands. Holding on to it despite the creature's struggling, he whirled around twice and then let go. Mox flew up in to the air, then with an almost sickening crack, hit a stalactite. The moogle slowly slid down the rock formation and completed the journey to his destination: the Lake of Fire.
As the moogle's agonized cries faded the group neared the giant stone doors. They swung open, revealing a huge portal on the other side. Satan stopped to explain. "This portal will take you to whatever world you originally came from. It's too much trouble to kill you all again. Or for the first time in your case," he said, directing the statement at Kenzo. The teenager shrugged before stepping forward and jumping into the portal. The Nobodies clustered at the edge of the portal before Xemnas took the first step forward. After that, they all followed him.
Demyx was the last to enter the portal. As he went to step in, he thought he heard something. He wasn't completely sure, but it sounded like a girl's voice.
"The end, dammit! Finally!"
"Was that everyone? I hope that was everyone. Let's go, I'm hungry!" Purple
This chapter marks the end of the first fic I have completed that was longer than 2 chapters. Which is pretty pathetic, considering the fact I've been here for four years. That quote by Purple is me hoping I didn't leave any loose ends.
Yes, this is the final chapter of It's Funnier the Second Time. There might be one more chapter; a credit reel for everyone who has helped me, thank you for all of the reviews Funnier has received, and credit for all of the stuff I took. Heh. It won't forward the story any, so you don't have to read it.
Here, though, I would like to say thank you to everyone that has read and reviewed this fic. Sometimes, the reviews were all that were keeping me focused enough to finish a chapter. I hope you enjoyed this fic as much as I enjoyed thinking it up and writing it. I could not have done it without all of you. -bows-
I LOVE YOU ALL!