Chapter 3

A/N: Well, it seems I get quite some reviews for this story, very appreciated. Since I'm bored this day, after a tiring revamping on my other story, I decided to write yet another chapter.

By the way to those who noticed: The conversation between John's parents regarding the fence was taken from a commercial from GTA SA, it's really funny. (inputs a disclaimer) Disclaimer: I don't own that script starting from "The Ketchum's are getting a new fence" to "That's it! We're never having sex again!"

Hmm, Voltorb being like Ash's Pikachu? I never intended to do that… because I haven't found a trainer story where the trainer starts with a Voltorb, it's always (Three regular Kanto starters) Pikachu, a rare Pokémon, an Eevee or a Vulpix. I try to make something unique, yet so stupid. And I'll try to use those underused Pokémon as well, but eventually they'll get smarter than John… even Slowpoke might…

Anyway, one of the encounters is like a spoof on my other story, just in case you wondered why I'm repeating some things.

"Talking"

'Thinking'

'Translated Pokémon Speech'

"Viridian Forest Encounters"

John was making his way through the Viridian Forest. He was going for a record now: it consisted of him not hurting himself in an utterly idiotic way and he was about to reach it… until it happened. He tripped on a branch that appeared out of nowhere and flied right onto a tree headfirst. He failed… again. But this time he didn't bleed in the face all over.

"Stupid forest! Why do forests have to be so… foresty? PHOOEY!" he wailed. He let out Ka-boom out of its pokéball and it called out its species name as it appeared.

"Voltorb!" it said with its cyber like voice.

"I did it again, Ka-boom, I hurt myself again," he said sadly.

"Vool," the ball Pokémon said, rolling lightly into his leg, as if patting him.

"Thanks, you're pretty nice for such an aggressive Pokémon," said the idiot.

"VVVvvvooo," it warned.

"Hey, it was meant in a nice way, don't blow up, please," he pleaded. The Voltorb gave him a happy look, accepting the apology.

They proceeded through the forest (he held Voltorb in both of hid hands, talking with it) and hoped they would get out soon enough. After a while, a brown bird appeared. John got all excited and brought up his evil Pokédex, scanning it.

"Give me a break…" it beeped. John got upset and scanned the bird one more time.

"Pidgey the bird Pokémon (duh): This fat little bird usually kicks up sand at its foes. It is very common, especially where you live, dumbass! How can you NOT know what Pokémon this is? IDIOT! Have you been living in a Diglett cave your entire life?" it furiously beeped. John got a little teary eyed upon hearing that. He also pouted.

The Pidgey, however, didn't want to stand there like a silly ass or something so it kicked up sand in John's eyes. John, being the crazy lunatic idiot he is, ran like a headless hen right into a tree.

"EEEEEEE! OOOOOWWW AAAAA! I DIIIID IT AGAAAAAIN!" He screamed in agony while kicking his legs in the air. Ka-boom didn't like what it saw; it got angry at that fatass bird and decided to blow it away. It rolled up to it and used its Explosion at the bird. The poor pansy Pidgey was sent flying away of the blast, but happily it wasn't killed, folks!

John had stopped screaming like an idiot and finally got the sand out of his eyes. Ka-boom rolled up to him and looked at its master proudly, expecting to get some praise.

"Nice job, Ka-boom, you showed that fat bird what you was made of!" He picked his Pokémon up and got himself to his feet.

After another boring while of forest walking, John encountered a strange brown duck Pokémon that carried around a silly stick, which resembled a leek or something. He took the risk and scanned it with his mean Pokédex.

"Farfetch'd the duck Pokémon: This Pokémon usually beats its foes using its… wood stick, no… leek, sorry about that. Anyway, it's very rare, congratulations on that find!" it beeped cheeringly. John's face lit up in happiness.

"You lucky bastard!" the evil, but rather wise, Pokédex added. John's delight quickly turned into a red face.

"Stupid Pokédex!" he pouted and frowned darkly as he put it into his pocket. He took up a pokéball, preparing to catch this rare Pokémon. Farfetch'd noticed that and had its leek ready to strike. When John reared back in a very stupid way, preparing to throw the pokéball in anime style, the duck put on a baseball cap on its head, holding the leek like a baseball bat.

When John finally threw the pokéball (which took forever, mind you) the brown duck hit the ball with all its might, sending it flying past John at a tremendous speed.

Farfetch'd cheered the 'Homerun!' song, throwing its cap up in the air. John was lucky, God forbid; the pokéball didn't hit him, it sailed away. Unknown to both of them, the target it would hit would be very unfortunate for one of them.

"That was close! Guess I have to weaken you, you crazy leek-swinging duck!" snarled John, "Ka-boom, roll up to it and blow it up!" he ordered.

Voltorb rolled up to his opponent and began to glow white, preparing to blow up again. Farfetch'd wasn't going to look at it like some dumbass and let that ball blow it up like some loser. It readied its leek and smacked the, now white glowing, Voltorb right back to its trainer where it exploded right in his face… ouch. This time, to our happiness, the pain was too much for him to scream.

"Oh, by Ho-oh, the pain… the pain,"

(4 hours later)

(Story pause)

(John walks up to me, glaring.)

John: Look, there's absolutely NO way I'm going to writhe in pain for four freakin' hours!

Me: Lol, I know, but it's funny if the readers think so.

John: Change it NOW!

Me: Okay.

(6 hours later)

John: (Fuming with an angry mark on his head.) NO! Shorten the time!

Me: Screw you

John: I take this you'd rather get shocked by my fully evolved Electrode and then get blown up!

Me: (sweat drops) How 'bout 2 hours?

John: I'm warning you!

Me: Don't do anything rash, or you might regret it! (Starts typing frantically)

(6 seconds later)

John: (Smiling slightly) That's better. (Walks away)

(6 seconds later)

The duck Pokémon looked at the trainer with a little feeling of guilt. That must've been too mean to the human. It waddled up to the boy and searched his backpack; it found a fine bottle with some liquid in it. The duck sprayed it over the human.

"The pain's going away, I'm going to heaven!" he weakly said as he stood up. "Huh? I'm not dead? Whatever… YOU!" he shouted at the Farfetch'd, snatching its leek, threatening to hit it back.

"SssccyyyYY!" a high pitched voice interrupted. Both John and Farfetch'd turned to see the fearsome mantis Pokémon.

(Right before John encountered Farfetch'd)

Two Scythers were talking deeper into the forest, one of them was laughing quite hysterically.

'You should've seen it! It was hilarious!' one of them managed to say.

'Uh-huh,' the other one answered.

'After I got that blasted ball out of my mouth I just kicked it at him and he was all AAAHH OWWIEE!' They both burst out in laughter for a good while.

'I didn't know going to that other forest could be so fun!' it then said. All of a sudden, a pokéball hit its head with such a force making it fall down.

'Hey, buddy, are you okay?' the other mantis asked, helping its comrade up to its feet.

'Strange, I can't sense any humans here, but I swear that I'll teach that idiot a lesson!' the stricken Scyther said.

'Should I bring some backup?" the other requested.

'No, I'll do this on my own." With that, it flew away to the direction form where the pokéball had come from.

"Ssscyther, scy scythe ther?" it asked while hissing angrily. It wondered which one of those two was the dead meat who had struck it.

"Oh shit… now what?" whimpered John as he still held the leek in his hand. The Scyther looked at the boy who had the leek in his hand. It recognized him of course, and it put two and two together.

"Scyyyrrryyy!" it snarled, slowly advancing towards the boy. Farfetch'd made a run for it, and noticed the mantis wasn't following. The duck smiled faintly, sighing in relief.

John, however, was shit scared. He knew that this Scyther assumed it was him who had hit the pokéball on its head. And now it seemed that it wanted revenge for the large bump on its head. He backed away a little while holding his hand in front of him.

"Okay, n-n-nice Scyther, I d-did not hit you with that p-pokéball," he stammered. Scyther had brought the pokéball and sniffed on it, it had the same scent of that human.

The mantis Pokémon halted its advance, dropping the red and white pokéball to the ground. It took one step back and then kicked the pokéball so it was sent flying towards the poor boy. The pokéball hit him right on the balls.

"OOOoooo!" he howled as he sank down on his knees holding his crotch.

The Scyther smiled at this, but remembered its bump on the head. It walked up to him and looked at him writhing in pain.

For some stupid reason, John was still holding that stupid leek in his right hand. When he saw the Scyther looking down at him, his heart jumped.

"Please, I didn't do it! It was that duck! Please, believe me!" he pleaded. It ignored his pleas and raised one of its deadly scythes, "I could give you this tasty leek if you want it!" he offered. It lowered its scythe and looked at him. It bent down slightly and he shoved the leek into its mouth.

"Scrrymmmrr," it said while having the green stick in its mouth, wondering what the human was about to do.

"I've heard that smoking leek is pretty nice," John claimed, picking up a lighter from his pocket and lighted the leek on the end of it. The surprised Scyther inhaled some of it and coughed violently. John grabbed the smoking leek from the Scyther's mouth and held it in his hands as it coughed.

"You'll get used to it," he assured. The Scyther started to feel funky after a while and snatched the smoking leek from John's hands, putting it into its mouth and inhaled more.

"Scyyhh, hyyYY! Theeehhhr," it said drowsily, being in cloud nine or something. It rested one of its scythes on John's shoulder and relaxed. John was pretty sure this Scyther was high at the moment as the Scyther then shifted its whole weight at the ten year old kid. It was difficult to keep that bug standing straight up as it was quite heavy to him. It looked at him with now red eyes as it inhaled another dose of the leek, blowing it out on John.

"So, you like it?" he asked. It nodded drunkenly with happy eyes. After a while it let go of John.

"ScyyYYeeeheehee," it woozily said, waving at him. It was clear to John that it had let him go.

After John was done with that terrible, but amusing encounter he arrived to Pewter City and checked in at the PokéCentre.

He had made it through the Viridian forest without any serious injuries, except for almost crushed balls…

To be continued…

A/N I hope you liked that one, just keep in mind that smoking leek is not recommend! It tastes really bad! But in this story it will be rather healthy… the PokéWorld s pretty screwed up, now isn't it?

In the next chapter he might get his first badge! Stay tuned.

Ka-boom: WAAAH! Stupid John forgot me in Viridian! He's gonna pay!