Chapter 5

A/N

Well, since I finally updated (which I, in fact, do in two or three days but I write it only when I've completed a chapter update. Anyway, since I only got one review, I understand that I really don't care. Or did I chop it off?

John: You do care, you're probably crying by now.

Shut up John, you're not allowed to speak now or I'll mark you and push the delete button! Anyway, this fic is just a notification that I'm not dead! But sometimes I wonder why I even stooped so low I wrote a Parody…

"The Rockin' Battle and Smoking News"

John walked into the Pokémon Gym in Pewter, but it seemed the door was locked. He pulled with all his might, but the door wouldn't budge.

"Stupid door! Phooey!" he fumed and kicked the door, turning to leave. Directly after he had turned around, a girl walked out from the gym, happy because she had won a badge. John's Pokédex activated itself automatically.

"Well, hello there sweet thing! I've never seen such a sexy Pokédex my entire life!" it beeped. Jonathan quickly turned around and checked his machine. The girl gave him an icy glare as she brought up her Pokédex, which was coloured pink.

"Beat it, you frickin' jerk! That was the lamest pick up line I've ever heard!" the female cyber voice shouted.

"Heh, nice meeting, eh?" John said awkwardly. The girl magically made a pink umbrella appear in her hands and he smacked John with it with all her might. John sailed through the gym door and landed on his back, unscratched since he rally needs a break from bleeding faces.

"Bitch, but hey, how come I'm inside now! The doors were locked!" he stated stupidly.

"Here I thought you couldn't get anymore stupid, it clearly says on those door handles P U S H!" it beeped a little too loud.

"What does P.U.S.H. stand for then?" he asked it. The Pokédex fell down animé style (is that even possible?)

"Grr, it is short for 'Pokémon University of Styled Hair.' What kind of a fucking schmuck are you? I meant push p u s h! PUSH!" it furiously beeped. John didn't want to hear anymore so he deactivated it.

He walked through the gym, which consisted of one big empty room, isn't a gym equipped with training gear? Man oh man, how illogic can it get?

He finally met a tall, dark skinned, spiky haired boy with khaki pants and a orange shirt with a green vest over.

"Well, um, hello, I'm like going to challenge you for a badge, I'm John," he said, the Gym leader stood there with his arms folded.

"Well, I'm Brock, the Gym leader of Pewter City." He took a deep breath. "And…" He stared at John with his closed (squinted) eyes. "I… AM A… PIMP!" he screamed, the booming voice almost made John wet his pants echoed in the gym for a while. Brock was breathing heavily after that scream.

"Heh, (whew, puff) and now, I will make my mating call!" He took yet another deep breath. "WHOOBOLBOLOBOLOBLO!" he then screamed. John was at the verge off pissing his pants in laughter.

"Are you laughing at me? You wanna die kid? Anyway, let's have this battle!" Brock then said, having turned to normal (?). John nodded and threw his pokéball containing Farfetch'd.

"Go Geodude!" shouted Brock as he threw his pokéball, releasing the rock head with two arms.

"Let's kick his ass, Farfetch'd!" John exclaimed as he threw his own pokéball, releasing the brown duck Pokémon with a leek. Farfetch'd brandished his leek a couple of times before holding it in Samurai style.

"This style is so Fetch!" the brown duck muttered. John looked at him again.

"But you did talk now, didn't you?" John stated.

"Err, Farfetch'd fetch'd far," excused Farfetch'd wanting to stay low.

"Geodude! Use Rollout and knock that bird out!" ordered Brock.

"Smack it!" countered John, who for once thought quickly. Farfetch'd brought up his baseball cap and put it onto his head. He readied his leek in baseball bat position. When the rock Pokémon was in range Farfetch'd swung his leek with all his might, sending Geodude flying away.

"Baseball… is so Fetch!" He exclaimed as he bowed down, Geodude flew right over him since he had ricocheted on the walls and kept doing so. It finally made its way right into Brock's face, knocking him down.

"Stupid punk ass birdie! Go, Onix!" he bellowed. "And by the way, if you lose, all the toilets in this gym will henceforth be called… Johns," he said evilly.

John raised his hands up in the air, getting to his knees. "Nooooooo! How could you?" he screamed.

"Tackle that duck!" Brock ordered his Onix. The huge serpent charged forward attempting to tackle the bird.

"Onixes are not Fetch!" Farfetch'd exclaimed as he ran from the huge rock serpent.

"Bind the stupid duck!" shouted Brock. Farfetch'd turned around and shouted something in its natural language at him. But by doing so the Onix caught up with him and wrapped its body around him, squeezing.

"Farfetch'd! Try to shake yourself off!" John suggested, though it was very stupid since Farfetch'd couldn't move.

Onix brought the duck closer to its mouth. Farfetch'd realised what it was about to do, and started to struggle madly.

"No, no, no! Getting' eaten is so not Fetch!" he screamed. John knew what was best and recalled him quickly.

"Stupid Brock, making his overgrown serpent trying to eat my Farfetch'd," he muttered. "C'mon Ka-Boom, let's do this!" he then shouted (like an idiot, mind you) as he threw his pokéball containing another pokéball, ehm, Voltorb.

"Get that Voltorb, Onix!" Brock shouted, the serpent charged forward and snapped the pokéball Pokémon in its mouth, closing it.

"Ack! What the hell are you doing? AAAAAaaah! Ka-Boom, Explode, TWICE!" he ordered. The Voltorb blew up inside Onix' mouth, the explosion inside its mouth hurt it very much, and it fainted. It fell down to the ground, letting the Voltorb come out from its mouth.

"Ha, I WON!" he screamed happily, doing a victory dance signing the "Kirby Victory" song.

"Shut up, kid! The bathrooms will STILL be called 'Johns', take that, bitch!" Brock growled, but he had to admit defeat. "Alright, alright, here's your stupid badge!" he snarled, picking up a grey badge and threw it with all his might at John.

John would've gone through what we readers go through almost every chapter, getting hit and bloody, if it wasn't for Farfetch'd. He had popped out from his pokéball and swung his leek hitting the badge sending it back to Brock who got right in the face.

"Ain't no one with no eyes gonna smack my trainer, that is so not Fetch, bitch!" Farfetch'd exclaimed, waving his leek at the bleeding Gym leader. Unfortunately, since Brock is so hard headed, the badge had gone to pieces.

"Farfetch'd, you talk! Admit it!" John accused.

Farfetch'd shrugged. "Far fetch'd fetch far?" he said, looking at him goofily.

John walked up to Brock, peering down at him. "Uhh, can I get another badge?" he asked.

"Eat shit, you frickin' brat, you're not getting another one! SCRAM!" Brock yelled. Farfetch'd ran up to him and had his leek around his neck.

Give him yer badge, or I'll cut yer head off!" he threatened. Brock screamed in fright and handed another boulder badge to John.

"Why, thank you!" John said, Farfetch'd let go of Brock and waddled up to John. "Why did you obey him? A leek can't cut a head off!"

Brock looked at him for a moment before screaming. "NOO! You tricked me, you talking duck!" Farfetch'd laughed at the silly gym leader. Brock brandished a katana from nowhere "Thee must not leave the gym of this!" he said as he charged. John ran out of the Gym and slammed the door shut, hearing a thud from the inside.

"Stupid Brock," John said, heading for the PokéCentre. When he arrived he saw a couple of adults and trainers gathered around the Television.

"What's on TV? I can't miss this episode of Sunset Beach!"

"Keep it down, it's the news, idiot!" one hushed.

"Yeah, it's about the Smoking Scythers in Viridian Forest!" another one stated. This caught John's interest, he sat down on the floor with his legs crossed and listened.

"So, Dr. Pennington, what is your conclusion?" the female reporter asked.

"Well, according to medical research we have stated that it isn't affecting the health of those Scythers. But it calms them down for roughly an hour, due to the smoke they inhale contains some sedating gas," the male doctor concluded.

"But how does that explain the theft of the boy's Charmander?" the reporter inquired. The doctor seemed upset over this.

"What do you think? They need to light those sticks!" He calmed down a little. "Anyway, since these leeks are a good way of keeping them calm and passive, letting us pass if we have a spare leek or something. But the fact that they robbed the grocery store in Viridian of all their leeks, we might consider to order more of those," he finished.

"Thank you very much for that," she said, turning to the camera. "And that's is what Dr. Pennington had to say about the medical effects, people should still be aware that when they feel a scent that make your nose twitch, you might be close to their smoking grounds." The doctor could be seen trying to get in front of the screen.

"But, no, let me-" he whined, but the female reporter continued.

"If you ever come across a Smoking Scyther, don't attempt to catch it, even though they are high, they can get very dangerous," she stated. She then got knocked down by the doctor who wasn't finished.

"I wasn't finished, B-(beeping sound)! A warning to all kiddies and teens, do NOT try to smoke leek, only Scythers can do so. A volunteer 12-year old kid named Shaun Perkins tested it and these were the results." A picture of a Charizard blowing flames at the Pallet Town lab appeared. Everybody in the room gasped, while some teens lowly said 'cool'.

"Ops, wrong picture, heh. HEY, SCHMUCKS! Get me the real picture!" A picture of a boy lying in a bed, located in a ward. His hair had changed colours of red and green, and his face was very pale. "See? This is caused by smoking leek, do not do that!"

John didn't have time to listen anymore so he walked up to the lobby and asked for a spare room. He'd sleep there later since he would celebrate later, the nightlife in Pewter was very fun, he had heard, at least from his dad.

He walked in to his room and rested in his bed, planning what he should do later in the night.

To be continued…

A/N

Well, I think that was it. I hoped you liked that, but I might be chopping this off. I could use some suggestions, thank you.