Edward hunted quickly, not caring what type of prey was available. He was tempted to finish only a single deer and run back to Bella. However, he knew that she would protest if his eyes weren't gold, and if he didn't look totally sated.

The warm liquid felt heavenly as it soothed his burning, parched throat. He drank several deer, discreetly disposed of their bodies, and ran back into town. Three hours had passed.

Bella spent some of the evening with her father, talking to him and watching the nightly news. She took a long, steamy shower after, carefully controlling her thoughts to memories of the past day, rather than how things might still go wrong. She was holding it together remarkably well. Alice texted her with an exact time Edward would return. That definitely helped.

She was sitting stretched out in her bed admiring the photo of him that he had given back when he came through her window. His bronze hair was a wild, ruffled mess from the wind and his eyes were her favorite shade of golden butterscotch. She smiled. He immediately smiled in return.

Bella held her hands out for him and within a second he was sitting by her side, playfully kissing all over her face. "I missed you." "I love you." "You should be asleep." he said quietly in between kisses. She giggled and his heart was happy.

"Come on." he said, putting the photo on her nightstand and holding her closely to him. "I'm here now. You're safe. Time for sleep."

"I love you."

"As I love you."

She smiled and snuggled up to him. She could finally sleep peacefully with him by her side. There were no nightmares.

When morning came, Edward woke her up with gentle kisses and went home for his car, making sure to leave her phone within reach in case she needed him. Bella dreaded school, mostly for the times they would have to spend apart, but also handling everyone's questions and nosy looks when they noticed that the Cullens were back in town. For what she got in exchange though…her family back…it was worth it.

It sucked not being able to see him as she got ready for school, but she kept telling herself that he would be there soon. She dressed quickly and tried to eat something, but nerves were upsetting her stomach. Instead, she watched out of the window for him to appear.

One second he wasn't there, then he was, already shutting his car door and walking to the front step. She could breathe fully again once he was in her sight, his hair slightly damp from the rain and framing his face like he had styled it that way to accent his golden eyes. He was painfully handsome. Bella was speechless as she admired him, but he knew what to do.

Edward wrapped his arms around her, enveloping her in his heavenly, comforting scent and his cool embrace as he leaned down to kiss her hair. "It'll be alright." he said. "I've got most of my classes with you now, and I want you to come home with me for a while after school since it's too cold to go to our meadow."

She nodded and held him tightly. He kissed her hair again and leaned back to look in her eyes, kissing her lips once. "We don't want to be late." he led her to his car and helped her in.

"I don't want to deal with everyone today. They will all be staring." she said a few minutes into their ride.

"They will be, but likely much more at us than you."

"I'm sure they will all be watching for my reaction to you all being back."

"Not if my sisters can help it." Edward grinned and though Bella was confused, it was impossible not to smile back at the face he was making. It was sweet and innocent, yet mischievous.

"What?"

"You'll see. They want to help you be more comfortable."

"What kind of trouble are they-?"

"Relax, nothing like that." he laughed. "They just have a few things to draw the talk of the town away from you. Trust me, we'll be an afterthought in today's newspaper." Bella groaned and hid her face in her hands. He took one of her hands in his. "I've lived without your gorgeous face for too long. Please don't hide."

"It's not you I'm hiding from. Can we go home and crawl back in bed?"

"Our absence would definitely get the gossip going."

"Ugh!"

Edward laughed again, stroking her hand with his thumb. "You'll see. Just look forward to our evening together. I know I'm going to."

The tone of his voice lit a fire inside of her, a smile coming across her face that reflected in her eyes as she admired him. He parked the car, unbuckled her, and pulled her in his lap before she saw him move.

"Good thing your windows are tinted."

"We aren't their concern." Edward smiled, leaning in closer to Bella's face, dazzling her. He was glad that it still worked, that she responded so well to him. He kissed her gently and held her face in his hands. "It will be alright." he promised, sitting her back in her seat and getting out of the car, walking at a human pace to help her out as well.

Once Bella fully stood up, her small hand resting on Edward's arm, she immediately saw why they would be the least of the town gossip. She didn't know much about cars, but the curvy, sparkly, almost liquid looking foreign…she couldn't even bring herself to think of it as a car it was so wild looking…sitting in the center of the school parking lot with Rosalie leaned against it, her long, golden hair flying gently around her in the wind…was definitely going to be the talk of the town for quite some time. "I was so unhappy about coming back to Forks from L.A. I threatened to move out. My dad bought me a present if I would come with them. So, I did." Bella heard her say to some of the kids gathered around her.

"See?" Edward said, laughing as he led Bella into the building completely unnoticed by everyone except for his own family. Alice caught up to them and put her arms around her neck, hanging something cold against her collarbone.

"What the-?"

"Hi Bella!" she exclaimed.

"You're a little aggressive with your presents."

"I couldn't wait another minute! What do you think?"

"What is it, exactly?" she looked down at her chest and saw a necklace in the shape of a small, silver heart. It was covered in a web of tiny diamond flakes, each a centimeter or so apart.

"A locket. I've put pictures of Edward in there for you. I know you don't like to be away from him, but when you have to be, you can still see him this way."

"Alice-" he warned quietly, worried that she was going to upset her by saying too much.

"I love it, thank you." Bella said, as she gave Alice a hug. Alice made a face at Edward over her shoulder. The message was clear even without the 'I told ya so' in her thoughts. She likes things she can touch to prove to herself that we're real. Remember that. she thought. He nodded. But nothing extravagant. This is simple enough I knew she wouldn't mind it.

The three of them shared their first class now. The teacher welcomed the Cullens back and immediately put everyone to work on a reading assignment without talking, so no one bothered them.

While Edward hadn't managed to share a second period class with Bella, Alice did. Jessica tried to approach Bella to ask her about Edward, but froze in place, her face turning red with anger, or perhaps jealousy, as she saw the large leather handbag in Alice's lap.

"You borrowed that from your mom, right?"

"No. Dad bought Rosalie a car to come back to Forks, so it was only fair that I got a Hermès."

Jessica stomped off in a huff. Alice grinned at Bella.

"I thought the point was to not attract attention to your family."

"Everybody knows we're wealthy. And we're already drawing attention by coming back. A little extra attention won't hurt things. Besides, it makes our story more credible that we were trying to keep up with the Kardashians in L.A."

"That isn't the phrase."

"It will be. Give it a few years." Bella hid her face on her desk, but Alice knew it was only to hide a smile. A genuine, sincere smile from poking fun at Alice. "You'll see Edward again in forty-one minutes. Esme decided to make you a bunch of cookies since she's bored at home today. I hope you're in the mood to snack later!"

"I'm sure I will be." she assured her. "I couldn't eat breakfast. Too nervous."

"About school?"

"Yeah."

"No one is going to try to ambush you again. Although I am going to let Angela talk to you at lunch when she plans to. She's a dear."

"She's great."

The rest of the class passed quickly for them, the teacher's lecture being interesting enough to hold at least half of their attention. Edward was waiting in the hallway by the time they gathered their books and things from their shared table. The second her hand met his; everything was alright again as promised.

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Angela did approach the Cullen's table at lunch with her boyfriend Ben in tow, and Alice invited them to sit with the family. They did, only gently questioning to compliment Bella on how much better she looked and to make sure that she was happy. They complimented Rosalie on her car, but not obnoxiously so. They really meant it. Ben and Rosalie were happy to talk cars, while Angela and Alice talked about L.A. Bella and Edward quietly held hands, occasionally playfully trying to let go of one's hand while the other refused to let them.

Bella managed to get through the entire school day without tears or panic. She was relieved, as was Edward. He helped her back in his car. "You sure you wouldn't like a ride in Rosalie's new car?" he asked teasingly.

"I'm sure. I bet half the cops in Forks can't wait to write her a ticket just to get a good look at that thing."

"Half the cops in Forks? You mean the whole two of them?"

"Basically." she laughed.

He smiled and held her hand, content as he sped them home. As promised, the house smelled like a bakery when they stepped in. Everyone else had beat them there and Emmett was making gagging sounds in the kitchen.

"If it smells bad Emmett, why are you walking closer to it?" Esme asked.

Bella laughed loudly at his expression. He shook his head at her. "It smells so wretched I thought I'd better check the kitchen for dead bodies."

"No way it smells that bad to you. You're teasing."

"It smells pretty disgusting actually." Edward said, his arm around Bella.

"Well, I think it smells amazing in here, Esme." she complimented.

"Thank you, dear. I had to buy a bunch of groceries so it wouldn't be too suspicious. And of course, so I could answer a few questions at the store to steer the town gossip in the proper direction." I hear comfort foods are best for humans going through a hard time, it was the least I could do. She thought at Edward as she handed Bella a plate with a variety of cookies on it, which Bella happily sat down at the counter and started munching on.

Jasper was in the living room pretending to read a book on the Revolutionary War, but in reality, he was being extra observant of everything Bella said and felt. He was trying to find the right moment to approach her and offer a friend to talk to about everything, but Alice cautioned that it had to be approached just right so she didn't feel attacked or belittled for her feelings, no matter how well intentioned he was. She advised that he could listen, but that tonight might not be the right time.

Emmett was goofing off in the kitchen, making faces and dramatically sniffing one of each type of cookie on the platter to make Bella laugh, but he wasn't paying attention and backed into the opposite counter, sending a baking sheet clattering to the floor before Esme or Edward saw it falling to catch it.

Bella jumped and covered her face. Jasper felt intense fear, followed by guilt and shame, which baffled him. She hadn't been the one to make the mess, yet she felt guilty for being afraid.

"Sorry little one, it's alright." Emmett said, laying dramatically in the floor and talking to each cookie as he sat it back on the pan. "I didn't mean to hurt you." "I'm so soooory." "I'm a horrible cookie sitter." "Guess you won't be eaten now. At least I saved you from the pain of death."

Bella still hid her face in her hands, but it was impossible to not smile at least a little. "They're cookies, Em."

"They're people too!" he insisted. "They had lives! Families!"

"No. Just no." Edward said, shaking his head at Emmett as he rubbed Bella's back. "It's alright, sweetheart. Emmett is sorry he scared you. I wish I had been paying more attention to catch it."

"I'm sorry." Bella said quietly.

"Don't be. Emmett made the mess." Esme assured her. "And when he's done raising his little cookie children, he'll clean up the whole kitchen to make up for it, won't he?"

"Yes mom."

"I'm sorry I got scared."

"It was a loud noise. What else were you supposed to do?" Emmett shrugged, standing up and throwing the cookies he had dropped in the trash in one motion. "Oh no! Ahhh! We're drowning!" he narrated. Bella shook her head at him this time.

She looked up at Edward and he helped her off the barstool, taking her hand in one of his and her plate in the other, leading her up to his room where she would be more relaxed. Jasper tried to calm her with his emotional influence and it mostly took away the panic, though she was difficult to soothe. "Something happened while we were gone." he said quietly, so that only the vampires in the house would hear.

"But what?" Alice asked, appearing at his side from where she had been helping Rosalie in her closet. "I didn't see anything. You know I checked on her even though he said not to."

"I know. She didn't used to be this jumpy."

"You said before that she wasn't afraid, not even like she should have been at her party?"

"No. She really wasn't. She was then, but just for a split second."

"Do you think she had been repressing some of her emotions before? Maybe always?"

"I should be able to feel that."

"Are you sure?" Alice asked.

"No, I'm really not." he confessed, never having paid too much attention to human emotions beyond what was required to make sure the family and their secret were safe. He retreated up to their bedroom where he could continue reading his psychology eBooks without Bella seeing. How would one tell if someone were burying their emotions, or perhaps only some of them? She clearly felt love for Edward, if not much else. She always had. That hadn't changed a bit.

Meanwhile, up in Edward's room, Bella was feeling calmer thanks to Jasper, but still shaken up. "You still elude me. I really wish I could see inside that head of yours." Bella looked at him questioningly, so he continued. "Afraid of loud noises, but not a bunch of vampires."

"You guys have never scared me."

"I suppose not. At least, not for long."

"I feel bad for being afraid once. I didn't mean to. I know he felt horrible and me freaking out for a few seconds didn't help."

"My brother nearly killed you and you were worried about if you hurt his feelings?"

"Yes. I knew he wouldn't hurt me."

"He wanted to."

"Doesn't matter." she insisted. "It didn't then, and it doesn't now. You know better than anyone how many humans have hidden secrets and murderous instincts."

"Few ever act on those."

"So?"

"True." he relented. "Did you commit many murders while I was away? Is that what you're hiding in those lovely thoughts I can't read?"

"No." she smiled with a light blush and he smiled back, caressing her cheek. "Just one or two."

"Ah. Who were the lucky victims?"

"Lucky?!"

"I know if you were the last sight I had before death took me, I would die a happy man. Especially when you're smiling like this. And that blush…" he kissed her before she could protest or argue with his compliment and she happily snuggled up to him, kissing him and forgetting everything else for a few minutes.

Jasper would never consider himself an eavesdropper, but felt the situation warranted it. He knew that Edward would fuss at him or turn on music if he didn't want him to hear their conversation. Truthfully, he was just as desperate to help Bella, though she was already doing tons better.

Even her teachers noticed that she sat up straighter, paid attention in class and even spoke a few times. Edward had heard it in all of their thoughts. He had almost believed that she was slowly getting back to normal until the cookie sheet incident.

Edward pulled away from their kiss when he could tell she needed to catch her breath. He held her to his chest, and she lounged comfortably against him from where they sat in the floor, surrounded by records he couldn't choose from for them to listen to. They were all his favorites. Truthfully, he didn't want anything to take away from the most precious sounds, her steady heartbeat and breathing. She was alive. With him.

He repositioned so that he could look in her eyes and did his best to dazzle her. He knew it was unfair and maybe even a little manipulative to do this so much, but it was for the best. "Hey, you know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

"I know."

"I'm not saying you have to. But if you ever want to. I'm not going anywhere. Not ever. Even if you were to tell me that you had killed people while I was away, I will simply make sure you covered your tracks."

"Nobody knows better about hiding a body than a family of vampires, right?" she asked hesitantly, expecting him to be upset, but he smiled at her, not wanting to discourage her. He knew she was only teasing.

"Exactly."

"There's not really anything to talk about. I'm sorry I'm not fully myself just yet. I just haven't felt like me in so long. I believe you when you say you're here for good, but I can't help but remember what it felt like to be without you. It's like I'm waiting for the bad news to come. Things are never this perfect for long."

That's important, Edward. Jasper thought. Get her to expand on that.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's like before. We were so happy…I thought. You had just properly introduced me to the entire family, and it seemed like things were going well…and then James came along. And then it seemed like things might be alright again for a while…then the party. And you still took me home after, I thought you would be alright after a few days, especially when you asked me to follow you into the woods." She was crying now, tears streaming down her face. He held her as tight as he dared without hurting her and wiped the tears away. "I really thought we were just going to talk. That you might yell at me or something for being so careless and then it would all be back to normal soon enough."

It broke Edward's heart. He had hurt her so much more than he had ever considered. He had no idea it was possible for a human to love so much. He knew that it was going to hurt her, but he truly thought she would be fine in a few days or weeks like most human girls would have. She had stayed the optimist with him before despite the odds, the danger, but now she couldn't. Their history proved that optimism just got her hurt. Jasper considered calming them both down, but he knew this was something they'd have to get through together.

Bella pressed her face against Edward's neck, kissing him a few times and nuzzling her head against him before she continued. "It isn't just that though. Not really. I felt so alone. No one else has ever understood me like you have, or really wanted to be around me for just me. My dad tried, but he's my dad, of course he loves me. It wasn't the same. I understand why you did it. I'm not blaming you. Things have just never gone well for me for long."

"You mean having to move to Forks?"

"I don't regret that, because that's how I met you, but yeah. Forks wasn't my first choice. Or spending just my junior and senior year here. But I felt like I had to so my mom could live her life. I've always felt like a burden on her. She's always been the one to act more like a teenager. And it seemed like things would be alright for a while, she'd pay all the bills, go to work, act a little bit like an adult, once or twice she even made us an edible meal, but she'd always go chasing after another man or a hobby or something and we'd start all over. I've learned not to get used to anything going my way. But it doesn't make it hurt any less when things don't. At least not when it's something important. Not when it's you."

"Do you want to move away from Forks?" he asked hesitantly.

"No, I love it here now. I want to be with you, wherever that is."

"I've let you down so many times."

"Not you. Just life…I guess. You were trying to protect me. I get that now. I feel so pathetic."

"Why?"

"I'm crying again."

"It's normal to cry when you're upset."

"You aren't crying."

"I can't. Vampire…remember?" he teased with a sad smile.

"You know what I mean."

"I do. You aren't pathetic."

"Normal people don't get upset so easily."

"And since when have you ever been normal? You are dating a vampire. You're sitting in a house full of vampires and not running away screaming actually. You drive a truck that's half as old as me despite the fact that most girls would refuse to be seen in it. And you always see to everyone else's needs and feelings, but almost never your own. We're going to work on that." he said, stroking her cheek. "You know I love you as you are." he added when he sensed a slight panic. "But I want you to think about yourself more. It's OK to feel what you're feeling. And to need to talk."

"But nothing happened. I just-"

"Feel bad for feeling bad?"

"Yeah."

"It's alright." he assured her, rubbing her back. "We all love you no matter what. I promise. I won't let anything come between us again." Jasper knocked softly on the door. "Is it ok if he comes in?"

"It's not Emmett bringing me more of his sugary murder victims is it?"

"No honey, it's Jasper." he laughed.

"Come in, Jasper." she said, wiping her eyes. He stepped in and handed her a box of tissues. "Thank you."

He sat on the floor beside them, lounging and giving her a minute as he tried to help her calm down again. It was much easier this time. "Bella, I'd like to ask you something, but I don't mean to upset you. Just as a friend. Or as your brother if you prefer to think of me that way. Edward's right. We do all love you no matter what. In fact, if you had murdered people while we were away, I would be pretty impressed depending on who it was." he teased.

"You heard all of that?"

"Hard not to in a house full of immortals. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I don't mind for you all to know."

"You know I feel everything you feel. And everyone else too. These emotions you're experiencing aren't at all unusual, so please don't be guilty about them. I know you worry a lot, and have guilt, shame. I do too. I've felt just like you do for most of my life actually. Like I wasn't good enough. Like something bad could happen at any time. Hell, several times it did. Becoming an immortal wasn't high on my list of priorities when it happened." he laughed. "If I promise no judgement, would you allow me to talk you through what you're feeling a little bit? Perhaps I can help you understand what you need to get better."

She looked into his eyes for a second and nodded. "I would like that."

"Me too." Edward agreed.

"Another question first?" he asked. Bella nodded again. "I almost bit you. I'm the reason we all left. Why don't you hold any negative emotions towards me? Not even fear?"

She was quiet for a minute, thinking. "I'm sorry, Jasper. I can only think of one way to explain it."

"Please do."

"It's rude."

"Try. I won't be offended."

"Trust me, love, you have to try pretty hard to offend Jasper. He's old as dirt and he's heard it all." Edward teased, but it made Bella laugh and so she said what was on her mind.

"My grandma had this really sweet older dog. A white poodle. I loved him. He was always gentle and loved to play with me. One day, he bit me really hard. But grandma explained it was because he was in pain. He had cracked his nail on something, and I accidentally touched it. I couldn't hate him when it was my fault for touching him. I played with him the next time I saw him and every time after that until he died of old age. He never snapped at me again."

"You think it's your fault I snapped at you?"

"Kind of. I mean, I know it was an accident. But I was the one bleeding."

Edward struggled to keep his expression neutral. His own guilt was crushing. Jasper saw an opportunity to make a connection.

"You and Edward are more similar than you realize." Jasper started. "Always blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong. Fearing the worst, though you don't mean to, you both do it. Feeling guilty for feeling things. Hell, Edward feels guilty for assaulting our ears if he plays a wrong note on the piano." he teased, but Bella was listening intently.

Jasper continued. "I've tried to stay out of his business over the years. He always knows where to find me if he wants to talk. But I would dare say that the two of you share a lot of the same thoughts and feelings. I'd encourage you to talk about them more. You don't have to hide anything from one another. I promise. Your love, well, Edward doesn't doubt that now. And you try not to doubt him, but it's hard after what you've been through. I get it."

"It is."

"Bella, have you ever heard of PTSD?"

"Yeah, isn't that what soldiers have when they have a near death experience?"

"Something like that. It's the result of trauma. Usually, they can't stop thinking about the event that traumatized them, have nightmares about it, maybe even flashbacks or hallucinations about it." She looked at him questioningly. "But there's new research coming out on something called Complex PTSD, or C-PTSD. It doesn't just affect soldiers. It's a result of repeated trauma sustained over months or years, like domestic abuse, housefires, natural disasters, growing up with a mentally ill or emotionally immature parent, losing someone or something close to you in a traumatic way…"

"You think I have it." she stated.

"I think you both do." Jasper said, revealing the thought he had been trying to conceal from Edward for an hour or two behind his knowledge of ancient battle hymns.

"Both?!" Edward asked.

"Both. You both share a lot of the same emotions. I know you can't have nightmares like Bella. But you lost both of your parents really young. You've been terribly alone all this time while also dealing with the crippling guilt of the lives you took. You have those empty months of being without Bella, even though it was tearing you apart inside. You have a majority of the symptoms too. Certainly, enough for diagnosis if I were a doctor."

"You aren't." Edward insisted.

"I'm not." Jasper agreed. "But you are. I'll bring you some of the literature on it."

Edward was horrified. Bella, however, was relieved. "I'm not crazy." she said quietly, as if she didn't mean for them to hear.

"Not at all." Jasper assured her.

Edward's expression was unreadable as he tried to understand exactly what this meant for him and compare his symptoms to the list in his brother's mind. Jasper made sure to show him how much better Bella was feeling just at having a word to put to her feelings.

He decided right then that even if he were mentally ill, something that had been very looked down on in his time, it didn't matter. All that mattered to him was how to help her. He was glad to finally feel like he had some of the tools to do so. Perhaps if he understood himself better, then he would understand her as well.

Author's Note: That's right, both of them are likely suffering C-PTSD. Edward honestly has a lot of the symptoms in canon. That might be why I've always identified with him so much, especially after reading Midnight Sun. Here's a handy list, though not everyone has to have all of them, and it may not be exhaustive:

Behavioral: agitation, irritability, hostility, hypervigilance, self-destructive behavior, or social isolation

Psychological: flashback, fear, severe anxiety, or mistrust

Mood: loss of interest or pleasure in activities, guilt, or loneliness

Sleep: insomnia or nightmares

Also common: emotional detachment or unwanted thoughts

What do you think? Is my armchair diagnosis for Edward any good? Thanks for reading!