Author's Note: Christy, you read my mind sometimes with your reviews! Lol. Thank you everyone for the love you've shown Home so far. I'm glad it's resonating with many of you as the idea has to me. This story may not be the place for Renee fans, though I'm not going to make her intentionally cruel. I'm going to work within what was given to us in the original series.

Edward kept running through Jasper's symptom list in his mind: hypervigilance, self-destructive behavior, social isolation, fear, severe anxiety, mistrust, guilt, loneliness, nightmares, unwanted thoughts. He hated to think of himself as mentally ill but had always wondered if there wasn't something seriously wrong with him. Hell, he had wondered this whole time if something were wrong with Bella, especially when she found out he was a vampire and wasn't the least bit afraid. Or when she ran right into James' trap despite knowing his family would do everything possible to protect her and her mother. All the times she gladly presented her neck to him, even jokingly, never once seeming to care about the consequences.

Bella's diagnosis certainly made sense. But for him…if anything described Edward, severe anxiety was definitely it. Social isolation wasn't far off. Mistrust wasn't really an issue due to the mind reading, but he remembered being quite the skeptic in his time as a human. Carlisle had even suspected that this may have contributed to his gift as a mind reader when turned immortal. Fear, well, mostly for Bella, but yes. Self-destructive behavior – check.

Mental illness wasn't the answer he wanted, not by far, especially not for himself. He, Jasper, Carlisle, and Rosalie read over the medical literature together and agreed that he, Bella, possibly Rosalie, and at one point perhaps even Carlisle had the symptoms of C-PTSD, though Carlisle's had improved to the point of not bothering him with the passing centuries, perhaps even enough to be considered recovered.

"How do I help her?" Edward asked, his only immediate concern being Bella.

"We need to figure out what triggers her symptoms. She may not even fully know. It seems loud noises are an obvious one."

"Or cookie murder!" Emmett shouted from downstairs.

"Or cookie murder." Jasper agreed, though mostly to stop Emmett from further joking for attention.

Edward rolled his eyes at his brothers. "Loud noises. She's afraid I'm going to leave her again even though she says she isn't."

"That's probably a factor too. You mentioned her mother?"

"I haven't asked her about it yet, but I saw some things in Charlie's thoughts about how immature and manipulative she could be. He wonders how that affected Bella. He feels guilty for not fighting harder for custody, but he always heard the best place for a child is with their mother. He didn't want to take that away from her."

"We really shouldn't have left…"

"No. But it's not your fault, Jasper. Not all of this. I'm sorry I was so hateful to you when I made my decision. I thought it was the only way to save her…"

"I know. I could feel how broken you were. Determined. There was no stopping you or I would have tried. I thought it was best for her too after what I almost did."

Edward instantly felt panicky. Jasper calmed him, but nothing was going to really settle his nerves until he could see Bella. He was gripped with fear that only she could soothe. "I'm going to her."

He hopped out of the open window and ran straight to her house. She was eating dinner with Charlie. He climbed silently through her window to wait in her room. Perhaps it would hold some clues to help him help her. Snooping wasn't really his intention, but if there was a positive good from it…

The room was in a sad state. There were no photos visible, save for the ones of him or the two of them together sitting on her nightstand after recently being given back. She had taken down her posters and CDs were hidden in the closet. Many of her clothes had been pushed to the far sides of the small closet, especially several of his favorites he remembered, unworn for many months due to the painful reminders attached to them. Her books had a fine layer of dust on the tops, unusual since she usually loved to read favorites over and over.

Edward sat on the bed with his face in his hands, heart breaking as the gravity of what he had done to her by leaving hit him all over again. He sat there, unmoving for over an hour, each new realization crushing him just a little more. Books and fantasy had always been her favorite escape from stress and reality…and even they weren't enough to pull her out of the misery of losing him. They had both always loved music, yet neither could tolerate the sounds of it without the other. It was as if every note tore at the wounds in their hearts, reminding them that they weren't together. That nothing was okay. Nothing would ever be okay, because neither of them thought that they would ever see the other again.

A human would have been crying, shaking, perhaps even throwing things and having a fit, but vampires under distress…at least the non-life-threatening kind, tended to freeze. He sat frozen until she was done cleaning up the dinner dishes and retired to her room for the evening.

"Hey." she said softly, but he didn't react. He couldn't even look at her. It wasn't all that different from the state he had found her in the night he came home. "Are you alright?"

He knew that it was scaring her but found it hard to look into her eyes without terrifying her even more by the darkness she would find there. His body was frozen as was his mind.

She sat down and wrapped her arms around him tightly. "Whatever it is, we can talk about it. As long as we're together."

He couldn't speak but turned to take her into his arms as well, deeply inhaling her scent and kissing her hair. "I love you." he managed to say quietly after a few minutes.

"I love you too."

"I don't know how you could after what I've done to you."

"There has never been an option to not love you. It's impossible. Did something happen?"

"I got here a little early and noticed the state of your room. You didn't even read your favorite books while I was away."

"No."

"Why?"

"I felt empty. Nothing held my interest because I just didn't feel anything at all, except for how much I missed you."

"I felt the same. Exactly the same." he said, still holding her closely and starting to rub her back, both as a comfort to her and a reassurance to himself. "Bella, you are my entire world. I need you to know that. To believe the truth about us."

"I do now."

"I'm never going to hurt you like that again."

"I know. I trust you…you don't trust yourself, do you?" He was caught off guard by her simple question. "Be honest."

"No. I don't. I won't leave you. I promise you that. It pains us both too much to be apart no matter the reason. I just can't convince myself that I won't hurt you in some way no matter how hard I try not to. Whether by bite or misunderstanding, or just being a danger magnet for you."

"Were you always like this?"

"Like what?"

"A pessimist." Edward thought about it as hard as he could. "Talk to me. Be yourself with me, completely. You won't, you can't, scare me away. I promise." she said, sliding a hand under his shirt to gently scratch his back. His body relaxed some at her soft touch.

"I suppose I have been."

"Tell me about it."

"Bella, it's you I'm concerned about."

"And it's you I'm concerned about. Besides, I don't want to talk about me right now. I-I don't think you'll…I'm not comfortable…"

"It's alright. I'm not going to pressure you." he assured her.

"But maybe if you tell me more about yourself? What you've gone through? I know you're scared too."

"Scared?"

"Of being told you have a mental illness."

"That wasn't exactly looked upon kindly in my time." he agreed.

"Do you feel ashamed?"

"Yes."

"Me too." she admitted. "But it is nice being able to put a name to what I've been feeling and why I'm this way."

"I just can't think of anything that traumatic that's happened to me. Certainly not enough to consider it PTSD."

"I can."

"Losing you for sure, even for a time." he amended.

"Being apart, yes. What about the part where you woke up as a vampire and had to cope with that every day for nearly a century? The guilt over the lives you've taken? The flashbacks in your perfect memory, recalling every little detail? James? The van accident you saved me from? I know that was a close call. Dying at seventeen years old? Losing your parents then too? Reading the thoughts of thousands or hundreds of thousands of traumatized people and having to see and hear everything they've gone through? Hearing the thoughts of criminals?"

"I see your point." he said, frowning into her hair.

"I never really considered just how much you've been through until today."

"Me neither. But when you put it like that…how is it that I can read minds…have several medical degrees…have lived over a hundred years…yet you see right through me better than anyone ever has?"

"Because I love you and I just want you to be happy. Really, truly happy."

"That's all I've ever wanted for you. And safe."

"I'm only safe and happy with you."

"I know, though it's still hard to believe."

"Believe it." she said, sitting up from where her head was resting on his chest, putting her hands on the sides of his face, and kissing him softly at first. It quickly turned passionate. They fit so perfectly together. It was tempting to welcome the distraction and never emerge, but he resisted her attempts to push him backwards on the bed. Instead, he laid down on his side with her in his arms instead, their legs tangled together. They never broke the contact of their lips, at least, not until she needed to catch her breath.

He caressed her warm cheek with his fingers. "You don't think less of me?"

"For kissing me like that?" she asked, blushing as she grinned at him.

"No." he said, shaking his head a little.

"For being told you're just as crazy as I am?"

"Well, when you put it like that." he smiled back, finding it impossible to resist her charms.

"No, it's helpful actually. It makes you a little less perfect, but in a good way. You have always seemed to be so good at everything. There were times when I wasn't even sure if you liked me. You know, human, clumsy, slow…and now mental."

"You aren't mental."

"I've never felt good enough for you."

"I've never felt good enough for you." he agreed. "We're more alike than we think."

"It's reassuring, in a way."

"You haven't killed anyone. Or woken up unexpectedly as a vampire. I suppose we're a little different there." He regretted it as soon as he said it, not wanting her to feel belittled. Thankfully, she didn't take it that way and understood he only meant to compare their experiences. To start a conversation.

"No, but I was nearly killed by one. And nearly killed by a van. And I grew up with my mother. That was usually one disaster after another."

"How do you mean?" he asked, glad she was finally opening up to him a little. This was the part he had feared asking her but was more curious about than anything. This could be the key to really, truly understanding her. To helping her.

"Well, like I mentioned to you and Jasper, she was fleeting. Child-like. I've spent most of my life so far in fear that we would end up homeless or something if she forgot to pay the bills again. I always had to worry about the adult things like making dinner or remembering appointments. I never really got to just be a kid.

She would always praise me for how mature I was, and I just wanted to be like 'I'm only like this because someone has to be an adult in this household.' I know it wasn't a money issue. Dad always paid child support and sent me extra money for holidays, she was just so irresponsible. I love Charlie. He's amazing. He's worlds better than mom. But he doesn't know how to cook or do a lot of things either and it's hard to learn to relax. He tries, but it's…frustrating."

"You feel like you can never truly relax."

"Exactly. Even here, I know Charlie isn't going to barge into my room to insist that I gossip with him about his dates or the latest soap operas, but still things keep happening every day and I just can't stop feeling like I'm going to lose everything I love." She was crying now, tears clouding her vision. He held her against him, rubbing her back again.

"I feel the same." he admitted hesitantly after she was quiet for a few moments. "I lost my parents practically one right after the other, and then I got sick as well. I thought for sure I was dying. Waking up as a vampire, well, it wasn't exactly something I was at all prepared for. Then, I killed people. And though they deserved it, I've had to live with that crushing guilt for decades. The fear that I tried to play God and now I'm damned because of that, as if I weren't already damned for being an immortal.

And then, I nearly killed you. At first, I was more concerned about not risking my family's secret and taking innocent life. The van accident…I told the family I saved you because I didn't want your blood to spill and tempt me in front of everyone…but my thoughts as I ran towards you were "not her." I was hopelessly in love with you even if I didn't understand it yet myself. Then, we had to worry about the risk to your life just from being around us, and of course James, Jasper…It's like we haven't had the proper time to just be happy together because things keep interfering. The only solution I can think of involves risking your life and damning you just like me. It feels like I destroy everything beautiful in the world just by existing."

"You don't." she re-assured him.

"It feels that way."

"What if you aren't damned like you think?"

"I've killed several people. I'm pretty sure there's a very important book that explicitly forbids that."

"Does that book say anything about vampires?"

"No."

"Does it tell humans they have to be vegetarians?"

"No."

"In fact, doesn't it say something about how killers should be punished or killed?" she asked, her tears drying up as she snuggled against his chest. She loved challenging him, making him get out of his comfort zone a little. And she especially loved teasing him when the opportunity arose. "Who do you think does the punishing on Earth? I don't recall it mentioning aliens."

Edward thought quietly for a minute. "No aliens. At least, I think not. It does say that killers should be punished. It mentions the death penalty too. But I didn't only drink from killers."

"You said once you have no doubt that they were criminals. That you only went after those who committed violent crimes. Not just bank robbers and such."

"True."

"Just think about it." she said. "I think it's healthy to re-evaluate your positions every decade or so."

"I will." he promised, contemplating her meaning and running through said book in his mind. He wasn't quite up for challenging beliefs he had held for practically a century. He wanted to do something, anything, for her instead because seeing her happy made him happy as well. "It's still early. We have a few hours before your dad expects you to be in bed. Can I come pick you up and take you on a date?"

"Being quiet in my room isn't your favorite type of night in?" she teased, drying her eyes, and mostly calmed down.

"Any type of night with you is my favorite."

"How long will you be gone?"

"Ten minutes. We can stay on the phone if you want."

"No, it's alright. I'll take my time getting dressed and you'll be here before I know it. Where are you taking me?"

"I'm not telling." he said, kissing her forehead and leaping out the window to go get his car. She dressed slowly, digging one of his old favorite shirts on her out of the depths of her closet. Her heart raced a little at the prospect of touching something she had hidden away for so long. It was scary, but in a good way. She knew he was coming back for her. The soft texture felt nice under her fingers. He was going to love it.

Edward knocked at the door exactly ten minutes and a few seconds later. Charlie answered it. "I wasn't expecting to see you back so soon."

"I know I just brought her home a few hours ago, but it's still early and I thought she might like to go for a walk in the park with me before we have to get ready for bed." he nervously looked at his feet and then added "I missed her too much after I brought her home."

Charlie's expression softened and he held open the door. "Bella! Edward is here!" Kid looks so much better. he thought, noticing how the boy stood up straighter and looked well rested and properly groomed again. Bella does too. He remembered how she actually talked to him during dinner and held conversation the entire time for the first time in a long time. She told him about school and the Cullens. About a book she wanted to buy the next time she went to Port Angeles which he immediately phoned to order for her as a surprise, happy to see her interest in anything again, especially reading. It had always been one of her favorite things to do. Though Charlie still didn't understand the entire situation, he was still profoundly relieved that she had improved so much so quickly.

She walked down the stairs with a big smile, wearing dark jeans and a blue sweater with a wide collar that showed just a little bit of her shoulders and the chain of her small locket.

Edward grinned and admired her blush at his attention as she walked down the stairs. She was beautiful beyond reason. He waited somewhat impatiently until she was a foot from him, and then he pulled her into his arms. "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

"Are you ready?"

"Yeah."

"Have fun. Don't stay out too late." Charlie said.

"We won't." she promised, following her date outside. "Where are we going?"

"To the park for a walk."

"Don't you hate walking at a human pace?" she asked, wondering what he was really up to.

"I'll be fine."

"It's a little chilly."

"It won't be crowded then. I'll bring you straight to the car to warm up if you get too cold."

She didn't answer but grabbed his free hand to hold as they rode in silence. It really didn't matter where they were going as long as they were together. In fact, she reached on the dash and turned on the radio quietly. Edward smiled at the progress and drove them to a small park on the outskirts of town. They were the only ones there.

"I think you'll like this." he said, helping her out.

"Of course, I will. I'm with you." she answered with a smile as they started walking on one of the paths from the parking lot. They followed it in another comfortable silence for a few minutes until the path ended at a large playground.

He pulled her excitedly towards the swing sets. She looked at him, puzzled, but he directed her to sit, and she did. He sat down in one beside her, though mostly to not make her uncomfortable. "I thought it would be nice to get out of the house for a bit." he said, starting to swing a little bit. She copied him, though hesitantly.

"And you wanted to come relive your childhood?"

"Something like that. I don't remember my childhood very much. I'm pretty sure I played on one of these as a boy." He started to swing just a little bit higher, grinning as she copied him, and his plan worked. Before long, she was smiling and swinging as high as she could, barely paying attention to what she was doing, simply being happy.

He hopped from his swing and appeared behind her before she ever saw him finish moving. He pulled her swing back as far as it would go, carefully watching to make sure she didn't fall off. She squealed with laughter and his heart was full. He repeated this a few times, stopping when he thought she might get tired and instead leaning against one of the posts of the set, waiting for her momentum to slow, looking handsome in the pale moonlight.

Her hair was a mess when she stopped, and she was all smiles. Her face was flushed from the wind he had created by swinging her. He helped her down when it was safe to do so and walked towards a large climbing structure in the shape of a pirate ship.

"Did you ever play on one of these?"

"No, I was always afraid I would fall and break a bone or something."

"What's stopping you now? I won't let you fall."

She climbed hesitantly, but there was no need to be afraid. He stayed right behind or beside her until they reached the top. They stood together near the sails on the deck, overlooking the small playground. The stars sparkled above them, the sky a mixture of dark blues and purples. They could see the waning moon off in the distance. There was only the gentle sound of a few leaves rustling on the ground in the breeze.

She smiled and leaned up to kiss him after a few minutes of stargazing. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Listening to me. Doing something so silly just to make me happy."

"It makes me happy too."

"Acting like a kid for the evening?"

"Perhaps, but mostly seeing you smile and have fun."

"I feel pretty relaxed."

"Are you cold?" he asked, noticing that she had bundled her hands up inside the sleeves of her sweater.

"I wasn't, but after being on the swing for a bit, yeah." she laughed. "I don't believe I ever would have gotten that high up on my own."

"Definitely not." he said. "No one is around us, so…" He scooped her up in his arms, leaping from the structure in one graceful motion and running them to the car as she giggled at his playfulness. She was sitting in her seat with him beside her and the heater on full blast within seconds.

"Edward…" she started, putting a hand on his cheek, and pulling him close for a slow, loving kiss once they were sitting still.

He happily kissed her back, careful to keep his cold hands on her shoulders or arms so as not to make her even colder. They kissed softly, lazily for a minute or two, enjoying each other's touch, showing their love. "Are you ready to go home?" he asked.

She nodded, blushing, and smiling as she leaned back in her seat and relaxed, really, truly relaxed for the first time she could think of. He took her home and said goodnight to Charlie, drove his car back to the Cullen's home and then ran back to Bella, jumping through her window to find her already asleep, still fully dressed and above the blankets, a smile on her face.

He removed her shoes and socks and emptied her pockets onto her nightstand, lifting her carefully under the covers and holding her as she slept. He remembered every little smile or laugh from their date and it brought him such joy.

He also tried to really think about what she said. What if he wasn't damned? Was he really acting as nature intended for his kind? No loving God would make man to kill another man though, he thought. Still, his beliefs were shaken. He was questioning for the first time perhaps ever if he were truly good or bad. The implications of her challenge could change everything for him. For them.

Bella slept peacefully at first, especially once she sensed Edward in the room with her though she couldn't fully wake up to talk to him or finish undressing. Her dreams were filled with memories of swinging and stargazing together. They were pleasant.

At least…they were until the rush of air against her face on the swing set turned into the cold air stinging her face as she ran after something in the woods. Something she was certain she would never catch. She thought she might die if she didn't run fast enough towards it, whatever it was.

She also felt the harsh terrain under her shoes, the occasional rock rubbing against the sole, smelled the pines and moss. Her legs and arms felt damp like the air around her. She shivered. Her heart raced. Then, she wasn't running towards something, but away from something, being chased by some sort of monster.

As suddenly as the nightmare had started, there was no more running or chasing. There was only the feeling of not being good enough. Never being good enough. She had given it her all and yet she was all alone. She begged the woods for their love, but only the soft scratching of the trees answered her pleas. She fell, slowly drowning in a puddle of her own tears.

"Bella, love, please wake up." Edward said, shaking her shoulders. "It's alright. You're safe. I've got you."

She awoke with a jump and a gasp, her heart pounding painfully in her chest as if she really had been running. She struggled to catch her breath. Tears poured down her cheeks.

He kissed them away, kissing her face all over as he ran a hand over her tangled hair. He wished more than anything he knew how to calm her down. She couldn't speak but closed her eyes and tried to focus on each of his soft touches.

Edward. Here. Safe. It's alright. she told herself over and over, running a hand through his hair and focusing on the texture of it. The coolness of his lips. The feeling of their thighs touching as he leaned over her.

It took several minutes for her to catch her breath, though her heart still pounded. He heard it and frowned, doing his best to help her relax again. It had been such a great night. He wasn't sure why she had a nightmare. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

He continued kissing her face and trying to soothe her. Her heart sped up again when he kissed her jaw, so he continued down her neck and across to her exposed shoulder. "What about some comfortable pajamas then?"

"Yeah." she agreed, sitting up fully but not letting go of him. He held her, rubbing her back, and letting her take her time getting up.

"How can I help?"

"Just don't go anywhere."

"I promise."

She stood up to change and go use the bathroom. If she didn't want to discuss it, he was positive that the nightmare involved him in some way. Despite his constant reassurances, her subconscious still wasn't convinced that he was there to stay.

"I'm sorry." she said when she walked back in the room.

"No need to apologize."

"I frightened you."

"I don't like you being afraid. That's all."

"I'm not."

"But you were."

"Yeah."

"You don't have to spare my feelings. I know exactly what I did to you. It's alright if it helps to talk about it, even if I'm the cause."

"I really don't know this time."

"Do you remember it?" he asked, remembering how many humans mentioned forgetting their dreams and nightmares upon waking.

"Every detail. I was running through the woods at first, like my usual nightmares, trying to follow you-"

He held his breath and leaned his head against her so she wouldn't see the sorrowful expression there.

"-Then, something was chasing me. I don't know what. I was running. And I fell. Then, I was all alone. There was nothing." She was still crying despite efforts not to. He ran his fingers through her hair, noticing that she had brushed it when she changed into pajamas.

"You will never be alone in this world again. Even if I were somehow dumb enough to leave, our family wouldn't abandon you. They were so upset with me. We realize now you are a part of us. You're meant to be with us."

"Forever?" she asked hesitantly.

He inhaled sharply, debating how much to tell her. After all they had been through and what he knew it would mean to her, he decided the truth would be best. "Though I still feel that it's somehow the wrong decision for your soul, that doing so will be just another black mark on my celestial record, a crime against nature, I do mean forever. I can't live without you. I won't."

She flung herself at him, kissing him passionately, her heart hammering in a much different way now. How could he ever doubt his decision when it got that sort of reaction? He kissed her eagerly, positioning them to lay back down when he could feel she was getting tired.

"When?" she asked.

"We'll talk about it after you've rested. I promise."

She smiled at him, her fingers lovingly tracing his face. "It's not the fear of being alone. Not really. It's the fear of losing everyone I've really, truly loved. You are at the top of that list by far. You make me so happy just being here and being you. That's the part you didn't consider when you left. No one else could ever make me this happy. There is no moving on from you. You've been chosen. You're stuck with me." she teased.

"It is you who is stuck with me, and you who completes my entire existence and gives me a reason to live."

"I do wish I weren't such an emotional wreck."

"You're human."

"For now."

"For now." he chuckled at her eagerness, kissing her forehead. "Now sleep."