Chapter 7

Hiya, a long time since last time? Eh? (Faces a bunch of pissed readers) Whoa whoa, easy now, I've had my priorities you know, heh.

Anyway, I hope you'll like this chapter, and I hope I'm not doing the same stupid mistake in chapter 6.

"A Stroll not far from Mt Moon"

John was walking down some rocky route, the author is too stupid to know which number the route is simply because he never played the game! Nevertheless, after that John had had his ordeal in the PokéCentre with his shirt and Farfetch'd insisting on borrowing it he gave in and let him have it, though Farfetch'd never wore it in battle, duh!

"So, Farfetch'd, soon we're at Mt Moon, do you know that place any good?" asked John.

"Well, do I look like some kind of guide to you? What in the name of everything Unfetch are you thinking?" Farfetch'd spat back.

"Sorry…"

"Use that red thingamajig for instance," suggested the brown duck.

John smiled at the duck when he took his Pokédex up, activating it. He entered "Mt Moon" on it.

"Mt Moon: It is very well-known for the rare stone called Moonstone that can be found inside. It is infamous for the amount of OT's that has been left there to… well… be there since their 'leader' was too lazy to instruct them what to do. Pokémon that usually resides there are Zubat, Geodude, and Paras. Onixes can be found there too, but you better leave them alone, unless you plan on being crushed alive. To proceed safely through the mountain just follow the signs saying "to the exit", if you can read, you Schmuck!" it beeped.

John sighed, putting the Pokédex in his pocket.

"Ah! Never have I been treated in such a rude manner! I will go to the union with this!" the Pokédex protested in his pocket. Irritated, he brought it up again and looked at it.

"Uhm, there is no union for Pokédexes, sorry."

"Don't you dare shutting me off! I warn you if you-" John had shut the Pokédex off.

"Hey, John, you actually said something smart!" complimented Farfetch'd, "Now it's not long until the Apocalypse is near! TAKE COVER!" Farfetch'd dove behind some rocks, out of John's sight.

"Funny, Farfetch'd, excuse me for trying to act normal," John replied, a little sadly. But he didn't get any response, which worried him. "Farfetch'd?"

Still no response.

"This isn't funny, get over here!" john walked towards the rocks Farfetch'd had dove into, expecting the duck to jump out or something. He heard a faint hissing coming from there.

"Kansssss," it said. John approached slowly, peeking between two rocks. What he saw scared him a little.

A purple snake had Farfetch'd cornered; the snake had all of its attention towards the duck, tasting him with its forked tongue. John silently snuck away, trying to get behind the snake. Activating his Pokédex would only result it hurling abuse at him, so that option was not a good one.

"John, I need some help here, please. An Ekans is trying to eat me here and it's not really fetch to die now," whined Farfetch'd. The hissing grew a little louder and sharper, and John heard the duck yelp in fright.

"Nice Ekans, niiice Ekans. Miss, don't do anything rash, you'll only regret it later. I taste like leather!" The Ekans, slithered closer, wrapping her body around Farfetch'd. she didn't start squeezing right away, she hissed in Farfetch'd's ear first.

John had now snuck up close behind the two Pokémon, he saw Farfetch'd's pleading look when the snake Pokémon had begun to squeeze lightly.

"Let go of Farfetch'd, you stupid snake!" he ordered. Ekans turned her head around lightning quick, glaring at him with her yellow eyes. John froze in his tracks, falling backwards in fright. Farfetch'd just sighed.

"John, you idiot."

Ekans let go of Farfetch'd and slithered towards John, who was frozen in fear. Farfetch'd couldn't move out of his spot, since his feet/talons had been stuck under a rock.

The Ekans raised her head to John's eyelevel, still gazing at him with her black slit pupils that seemed to penetrate his mental defence.

"Look, Ekans, uh, I never meant what I said, really, heh." Ekans started to wrap around his chest. "I mean, heh, you're quite good looking, for such a beautiful snake like… you," he said. Ekans loosened her grip and tilted her head, looking at him curiously before snuggling him in his neck.

John responded with stroking the scaled skin carefully, and the Ekans relaxed a little.

"Sorry to break the happy new friendship, but I still need help over here!" Farfetch'd whined. "Just use your pokéball and recall me!"

"I think he likes me," said John, petting the snake. But upon saying that, the snake hissed fiercely.

"It's a she, moron! Now RECALL ME!"

"Sorry, miss Ekans," he quickly excused, and the snake went friendly again, clinging onto his chest. John got to his feet, still with the Ekans hugging him, and grabbed a pokéball. "Which button is it, Farfetch'd?" he asked absentmindedly.

"There's only one button! Which one do you think it is!" Farfetch'd yelled. John recalled him, and shortly after released him on the ground. Farfetch'd looked at John and Ekans. "It seems she have a crush on you, heh, but that doesn't matter…"

"What do you mean?"

"She tried to eat me, John, you're not catching this one, and she'll kill us all! She'll eat me, and poison you while you're sleeping."

"Ka-Boom?"

"I don't really know about it."

"Hmm, Ekans, could you please get off me?" The Ekans nodded and slithered off him. "Look, I don't think I want to catch you." The Ekans hissed at the duck.

"Shut up, you li'l snake!"

"What did she say, Farfetch'd?" John asked.

"She claims that I'm a first class liar that she'd like to poison me any minute. Trust me, John, Poison Pokémon are unreliable, don't catch them. Besides, they are all weak, it's either she or me, John. It's you call."

John thought for a while, both Farfetch'd and Ekans looked intensively at him, hoping that head make the right choice. "I want an ice cream," he then said out of the blue. His eyes started to twitch as he was smiling insanely. "HAHA! I scream, you scream, everybody screams for ICE CREAM!" Both Pokémon looked at him strangely.

"Which ice cream flavour? VICH FLAVOUOUUR DO MEIN HERR VANT? Straaavberri? Oraaange? Meelooniez? Boysenberries? Cucumber & BAAACOOON!" John randomly shouts out in German accented English, having gone completely insane.

'Sugar-high, right?' asked Ekans.

'No, miss, brain overload or something. Maybe he short-circuited," Farfetch'd explained.

"MUUUSTAAARDED REEETAAARD! KETCHUP! ONION! GARLIC! HAWT DAWGS AND BRAAAAATWUUUURST MIT SAUUERKRAUUT!" He breathed heavily, taking a pause. "I am the head of Pewter Police Department and I order you to dress up properly as a hooker, Jenny! MAYBE THEN you can arrest those hos during nightshift!"

'But it could be the Pokérus, miss, but he seems kinda Fetch right now,' said Farfetch'd.

"Kentucky Fried FARFETCH'D! And for dessert a BAKED ALASKAAAAA… HAHA! And we will prepare with the almighty…" At an instant, he changed back to normal. "I'm sorry Ekans but I think I'll go with Farfetch'd. Maybe we'll see each other sometime…" he then said, completely changed back to normal.

'OMG,' Ekans said, saying the letters.

'WTF?' Farfetch'd replied, doing the same.

(Later)

"John, what happened back there? You were, like, Fetching crazy!"

"Crazy? Me? What are you talking about?" replied John. "And besides, you should thank me for still living."

"Thank you? If you had some common sense, you would have used the pokéball in the first place!" John looked down, blushing. "We're closing in to Mt Moon, care to race?" He requested, "The winner is regarded as the most Fetch person in the history of Fetch."

"Sounds cool, let's RUN! ABSOLUT VODKA!" shouted John before taking off. Farfetch'd, however, had already won the race since he was quicker, don't ask me how or why. But John had to do it… he ran into the wall.

"John, when you run up to a wall, there's something called stop," said Farfetch'd kneeling down at John. "Something's bothering you, John, what is it?"

"It's Ekans, I think she liked me pretty much, you know. She looked so heartbroken when I left, and so… abandoned."

"How many times do I have to tell you? Poison Pokémon trouble, death and other mishaps. They also tend to lower your status for some reason. Good thing there aren't any Poison Legendaries out there."

"Well, I guess you're right then," admitted John. "Before we advance to far in, let's take a rest or something, I'm dog tired."

They both made up a good resting place, and slept for a while. But they were both unaware of a certain tall teen with a katana who was at a distance away from them.

"John, you mustn't live to tell what happened in Pewter, my honour can't be afforded to be hurt!"

DUN, DUN, DUUUUN.

…Whatever that means…

To be contained…

A/N

Well, this might be one of the lamest chapters ever, and most humourless, but hey, I mean, you know, whatever…