Author's Note: I'm so grateful for all of your reviews! This story seems to be resonating with a lot of us in a very personal way. If you have or believe you have C-PTSD like me, there are two books I can't recommend enough: The Body Keeps the Score and Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. Both helped me understand what I was really feeling and work towards healing much better than counseling or anything else I had tried. Of course, I am not a doctor or mental health professional, so no medical advice, just a friendly recommendation. Whatever you are going through, you aren't alone and it can and will get better!

Edward left for his car while Bella slept, hoping to arrive early before there was even a chance to miss him. Unfortunately, Charlie woke her up looking for his clothes a few minutes later.

"Hey Bells, sorry sweetie." he said, sitting on the side of bed and rubbing her shoulder. "I hate to wake you, but I can't find any of my pants for work. Did you wash them or something?"

She sat up, rubbing her eyes and trying to will them to focus. Her heart sank at first realizing that Edward wasn't near though she knew he shouldn't be with Charlie in the room, and then again when she realized what had happened to her dad's uniforms.

"I'm sorry." she said, crying and hiding her face against her knees.

"For what?"

"They're all in the washer. I forgot to dry them."

"Oh, it's alright. At least I know they didn't just walk off." he teased. "I'm not upset."

"I am. You're going to be late. I'll go put them in the dryer now." She made to get up, but he stopped her.

"Go back to sleep. I've got it. My decades old perfect attendance record can take being late a time or two." He got up and left the room, putting the forgotten load of clothes in the dryer. He was happy to have a teenager even willing to help him with laundry. She was only human, and mistakes were part of living. Truthfully, he should have laid out his clothes the night before, so in his thoughts the blame was really on him. He assumed she would be alright realizing that he wasn't mad.

Bella, however, couldn't stop crying. She felt like a failure. Laundry was such a simple thing and she hated screwing it up. Her heart raced and her breath caught as tears fell quickly down her face. It reminded her of all the times she had let people down, forgetting to pay a bill for her mom when she was twelve and causing their electricity to be shut off for a night, missing steps and making a fool of herself in the dance recital her mom was so excited for, watching Charlie's face fall as she told him she didn't want to spend summers in Forks anymore, cutting her finger on her doomed birthday at the Cullen's house…she couldn't even do something as simple as open an envelope or dry laundry without messing up.

Charlie assumed she had gone back to sleep and started making them some breakfast since he was going to be late for work anyhow. The pan of bacon had just finished frying when Edward knocked on the door. Bella still sat in bed, frozen with fear and waiting for the other shoe to drop. When she glanced at the alarm clock and saw that it was time to be ready for school, a new panic started but only tears came without the necessary words or actions to do anything about it. She was frozen.

"Bella?" Charlie called up the stairs. "Edward's here."

Edward heard her heart hammering and quiet sniffles and knew that something was wrong. "May I come up?" he asked, more for her dad's benefit.

"Yeah." she said quietly, but he heard her. Charlie assumed he was just getting too old to hear properly and went back to working on breakfast, thus, Edward climbed the stairs near silently in an instant, holding her in his arms before her dad even had a chance to pick up his spatula.

"What happened?"

"I forgot to put Charlie's uniforms in the dryer yesterday."

"Did he get upset with you?" He hadn't sensed any negative emotions in his thoughts.

"No."

"Then why are you crying? I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up. I went to get the car."

"You didn't do anything wrong. I knew where you were and that you would be back soon."

"Your dad doesn't seem upset at all about being late. He's downstairs whistling and making you breakfast." he said, realizing that it wasn't him she was worried about.

"I don't understand."

"He loves you."

"I wish he would yell at me or something. Then I might feel better."

"Explain that, please."

"I can't."

"You want him to yell at you?"

"It would make more sense."

"How?" Edward pressed, confused. The inner workings of her mind had always been such a mystery. She never seemed to interpret things the way one would expect. Who would want to be yelled at?

"He should be upset. I failed him. He shouldn't…I shouldn't….I don't know!" she admitted, exasperated at her inability to form coherent thoughts.

Charlie came upstairs then, wondering why they were taking so long. "Oh, I thought you'd be ready by now." he said, but then noticed her tear-stained face and how she held her arms around Edward so tightly. He looked at the boy questioningly, but his expression was profoundly sad. He wasn't the cause of this. "What's the matter?"

Bella just shook her head. She wanted to talk but didn't know how or where to start. He feared that she was retreating back into the way she was before her boyfriend returned, but this didn't quite seem the same. Something was different. Something that he might could work with. Charlie continued. "Alright, Edward and I will go downstairs while you get dressed. Come eat breakfast with us. I'll call the school and tell them you're sick."

"No, I want to be with Edward." she protested, still refusing to let go of him.

Charlie didn't mean to seem harsh or pressure her by insisting she get dressed. He softened his tone. "Then, I'll call Esme and tell her he's needed here. Unless you object?" he asked, looking at Edward.

"No. I'll text my sister and ask her to bring us both our assignments this evening."

"Good. Hell, I'll call work too. Maybe someone was telling me to take a day off anyhow." he smiled sadly, amusing himself but worried for his daughter, and they both went downstairs.

Bella, motivated by the knowledge of Edward downstairs if nothing else, got dressed and quickly brushed her hair and teeth. She hoped that her dad wasn't trying to make him eat human food while they waited for her.

"Did she tell you why she's crying?" Charlie asked as she got ready.

"No. She feels guilty for forgetting, I believe. She expects you to be upset with her."

"I'm not."

"I know."

"I don't know how to help her."

"Nor do I. Thank you for letting me stay with her."

"You seem like the only one that can get through to her when she's like this. I almost forgot to call your mother." he said, walking over to the phone and ending their conversation. Edward knew that Esme would play along with whatever was said, and she did.

When Bella walked downstairs a few minutes later, Edward met her at the bottom of the steps, taking her arm and escorting her into the kitchen. She smiled a little. He was being silly and way too formal, but she loved how he tried to cheer her up. He pulled out her chair and Charlie sat a plate in front of her.

"You cook?" she asked, shocked.

"I can cook a little, I just choose not to. I screw anything beyond bacon, eggs, fish or a sandwich up in a new, fun way each time it seems like." he laughed, earning a small smile from her in return. He wanted to lighten the mood where he could so she wouldn't be afraid of him. He had been trying for months, but it seemed his attempts worked much better when her boyfriend was around. That was alright with Charlie. At least something worked. "It's nice having you around the house to help. You're much better at all of this than your mom. Forgetting to toss things in the dryer is nothing. Did I show you my collection of printed t-shirts up in my closet?"

"No?"

"They each have the exact same designer mark on them. They're white with a black iron outline." he smiled, making Bella stare at him for a minute in amused disbelief.

"So why did you keep them?" she finally asked as Edward grinned at them.

"I figured they would make good cleaning rags one day."

"One day. Dad it's been like eighteen years."

"Yep. They're almost ready to use, I'm sure. Nicely aged."

She shook her head and slowly ate breakfast, feeling a little better to be up and dressed. Edward was able to politely decline Charlie's offers of food or coffee, insisting Esme had already cooked that morning.

"I took the day off today." Charlie said when Bella was done.

"Why? Doesn't Forks need its chief of police?"

"I'm on call in case any errant cattle runs into the road or something and needs my urgent attention." he said, rolling his eyes and smiling at her. "What will the cows ever do without me? Or the speeders – you know – the ones that drive six miles over the speed limit just to see if I'll stop them." Charlie's jokes earned another small smile.

When she was done eating, he took her plate to the sink and quickly washed it before sitting back down. Edward squeezed her hand gently under the table and kissed her forehead. She leaned her head against him and breathed in his sweet scent, one of the things that reassured her he was really there and always helped calm her nerves a little.

"I don't want to upset you." Charlie said, sitting back down. "But you can talk to me. I want to help. What's going on? I know this isn't just about laundry."

"No." she admitted. She sat in silence for a minute, struggling with what and how much to say. His genuine caring made her a little uncomfortable at first. Her mom had always been willing to talk about how she felt about school, boys, growing up, but they had never made an actual emotional connection about life in general. The day-to-day things. Stress. Anxiety.

Bella knew that her mom loved her, but it was like she never really listened, and if she did, she didn't understand or have the ability to understand. She was too child-like. Her dad was different, but still, she struggled. "Words are hard." she managed. The guys laughed politely and smiled kindly at her attempt at humor. "I'm sorry. I don't know where to begin. It's uncomfortable."

"Maybe start with what Jasper and Carlisle told us?" Edward asked, hoping that she would want to reveal that much, but she sat looking at him, horrified.

"About me then." he added, hoping taking the spotlight off from her for a minute would help. She nodded. "My brother Jasper has been taking psychology classes. Carlisle pays for us to take a few college classes online and in the summers if we want. I usually do music composition or languages, but my brother Jasper is really interested in human emotions and healing from trauma, especially with all of us being adopted and such. He took a bunch of medical research studies to Carlisle because one of the topics he was studying reminded him of some people he knew, including me." he said, careful not to mention Bella by name until she was ready. "They believe I have C-PTSD."

Suddenly, his leaving made more sense. There was more to it than Charlie had ever thought about. It was easy to see Edward as some kind of monster who hurt his daughter, but really, he was just a scared, confused kid. Charlie could certainly remember how hard it was being seventeen. And that was without dealing with the loss of his parents, adoption. He thought he remembered hearing him say something about a lengthy, life-threatening sickness as a child too.

"And they think I do too." Bella blurted out after it was quiet a minute, wanting to just put it out there and get it over with.

"Both of you?" Charlie asked, his face scrunched up.

"For different reasons." Edward corrected. "Mine for the death of my parents and a few events surrounding that."

"And mine for growing up with Renee, and the van accident that almost killed me, falling down the stairs at the hotel, and losing Edward." she said, tears clouding her vision as she hid her face against Edward's shoulder.

He let go of her hand and wrapped his arm around her. "I'm sorry." he whispered in her ear. "I'm here. You haven't lost me."

"I know." she reassured him.

Charlie sighed and shook his head, gazing into his coffee mug. "I'm sorry to hear that, Edward…Bella, I have spent years wondering if I made the right decision just letting you live with your mother without a fight. I didn't want to let you go, but who was I to deprive a child of her mother's love? I knew she was a little aloof, but I hoped she might grow up as she learned how to take care of you. I had no idea…if I had any idea, I would have fought or asked for you back. But you always hated Forks…Any time I thought about asking for you back I thought it would just make you miserable…so I just settled for making sure you knew you were always welcome."

"It's not your fault, dad."

"I could have prevented this it seems."

"No. I never did like Forks much growing up. You wouldn't have had anyone to look after me while you worked after nana died. You did what you thought was best."

"She didn't hit you, did she?"

"What? No. Renee was a good mom. She tried to be. It was just stressful growing up with her."

"And Phil?"

"He's fine. We don't exactly bond or anything, but he's never hurt me. He's good for mom."

"Are you trying to protect them?"

"No, I'm telling the truth. They didn't hurt me." she insisted. "I don't really understand it myself yet. I feel so guilty for feeling like this. They did their best. They never hit me or anything like that. I just…feel so much pressure…I always have…to see that the bills are paid…to cook…to make sure I took care of schoolwork and housework…it's like I couldn't relax because I was always either doing something or forgetting something. And now that I'm here…and I don't have all of these constant responsibilities to keep me busy…well…most of them…it's scary. I don't know how to relax. I'm always on edge, or at least always painfully aware of everything that could go wrong."

"You don't have to cook and wash my laundry and stuff, you know."

"I don't mind that. I like to cook when it's for fun and not because it's the only way we'll eat. I just have all of these anxieties…"

"But Edward helps you."

"More than anything else. He gets me. And he loves me."

"I do." he said quietly, kissing her cheek.

Charlie fidgeted and shifted in his seat nervously, always uncomfortable with discussing emotions, but he wanted to be there for Bella more than anything. He wanted to understand. He was trying hard to understand and not react in any way that would make her feel unheard or unimportant.

"Your grandpa had PTSD. He would have flashbacks from the war. Forget where he was. See and hear things. Is it like that?"

"No. Help me explain?" she asked, looking at Edward, not knowing what to say.

"Carlisle and Jasper have been reading over a lot of literature together. They're still teaching us how to recognize it and figure out what gives us trouble and triggers the symptoms, but Bella and I both meet almost double the number of symptoms required for diagnosis, according to my father. For instance, we both have nightmares. Intrusive thoughts, I believe?" Bella nodded. "Anxiety, feelings of not being good enough or letting others down. PTSD happens from one single event or time period, usually. Complex PTSD happens from repeated traumas and can change how one thinks and reacts to different situations.

It can rewire your entire thought process about yourself and everything else. And certain things can set off the symptoms in an instant. For instance, Bella is uncomfortable around loud noises. We found out when my clown of a brother knocked a cookie sheet off the counter."

"They startle me. And I know where I am and stuff at all times. I don't lose that. But they do remind me of things I don't like – thunder, the sound of Tyler's van hitting the truck, the glass breaking when- in Phoenix." she amended, but they both understood. "And it's like I panic or shut down."

"I hate to ask this, really, but I want to understand. When Edward left…?"

"I felt alone. I always knew you loved me and wanted to help, but all I could think about was how badly I missed him. I wondered if all our time together was a lie. I thought I wasn't good enough, not just for him, but in general. Everyone was always so judgmental at school. The few girls that weren't I was too ashamed to talk to. I tried to talk to mom, but she always encouraged me to get out and date. She didn't understand.

It's like I was stuck in this endless loop of memories of everything that had ever gone wrong in my life and how most of it was my fault. I couldn't escape it. It didn't feel like any of my thoughts were my own. There was nothing interesting or worth doing. I couldn't stop the thoughts that I must not have been good enough for him. And how badly I wanted to see him. But not because I was afraid of being alone, not really. Because Edward makes me happy, and I was afraid I'd never get that feeling back."

"I never would have gone if I had any idea." Edward told her, holding her closely to him since she wouldn't look at him. He whispered his love in her ear, too quiet for Charlie to hear.

"It didn't look like being gone was a cake walk for you either." Charlie said, remembering how Edward looked that first night he appeared on the porch, his eyes black and bruised from crying.

"No. I have never felt like I'm good enough for Bella either. I've let her down so much. She's gotten hurt on my watch after I promised you she wouldn't. I caused her to start a fight with you and leave town on her own in the middle of the night. It's like I was always endangering her. I had to go…to protect her…She deserves so much better. But it was hell being away from her. I didn't feel like myself at all. She was all I could see or think about."

"You could have called her."

"I thought calling her would be endangering her again. I wanted her to move on and find someone who wasn't a danger magnet." It was the simplest, safest way to explain things without revealing bigger secrets.

"But she doesn't want to."

"No. I know that now." he agreed.

"Dad, I'm so sorry about the way I left that night I went to Phoenix. I knew it was the only way you wouldn't chase after me. It's just…" she knew she would have to fib since she couldn't exactly tell her dad there was a murderous vampire stalking her then, but she decided to stay as close to the truth as possible. "It's not that I'm not happy here, because I am, with you. But I was scared. Running away seemed like the only option. And I wanted to apologize sooner but it's just so uncomfortable talking about this. I've thought I was crazy. Mental. I didn't know what to even say to anyone. But things like that bother me too. Regrets. Things I wish I could change about how I've treated people, especially you."

"Don't feel bad. Just please don't run again. You can always tell me exactly what's on your mind. We'll figure it out."

"I know that now. You don't really like talking about feelings and such too much though."

"No, but I'll learn. Might do us both some good. And you too, Edward. You might as well consider yourself part of the family since Bella wants you around."

"Thank you." he smiled at Charlie. The dryer buzzed and Bella jumped, quickly drying her eyes, and trying to force herself to calm down before she made anyone uncomfortable with how easily she startled.

Edward continued to talk, hoping that she would focus on the sound of his voice rather than her fear. "Jasper said that people with C-PTSD generally do really well under pressure. So, while Bella was constantly busy going to school and taking care of her mom, she filed all of the trauma and emotions away to process later. Now that she has a little free time and can relax, they all are pushing to the surface, wanting to be dealt with. I'm kind of dealing with the same."

"It's good that you two understand each other so well." Charlie said, "And that you have such a smart, caring brother."

"I agree."

"What do you mean by process?"

"My brother and father said that C-PTSD locks the body into a near permanent kind of fight or flight mode." Bella listened to Edward intensely. She hadn't heard this part yet. "It means that while the trauma is happening, like when my parents were really sick, we get so busy tending to our day to day lives that we don't take time to think or to deal with our emotions as they come up.

For instance, my biological father passed away a few weeks before my mother, but she was incredibly distraught and then sick herself, that I didn't have the time to emotionally deal with his death because I was so worried about her. We hadn't even had the time to put together a funeral before she got sick. And then, I got sick as well. My mom died, and I was fighting for life myself. Carlisle saved me and then adopted me. And him and Esme are wonderful, but I was so focused on getting better and adjusting to my new family that I never really properly grieved my parents.

Bella likely hasn't had the time to come to terms with everything that happened to her. She may not even remember most of it clearly. I know I don't. My childhood memories are incredibly fuzzy." It was a slight embellishment of the truth, but barely. Just enough to keep Charlie safe from all of the details.

"Wow. Do you remember any particular events that may have caused this?" he asked his daughter.

"I don't remember most of my childhood either." she admitted. "The parts I remember most clearly were either times I was afraid, or times I spent with you, though I know I always grumbled about them."

"As any teenage girl would." he said with a small grin.

"I suppose so." she grinned back a little, before fidgeting with Edward's free hand, nervous. "I feel like I'm trash talking Renee."

"You aren't." Edward promised. "You're telling us about yourself and your experiences. You aren't exactly calling her names or anything." This was something that he was particularly interested in as well and he wanted to encourage her to speak as much as possible. This could be the key to helping her feel better, more confident. To helping her not live in fear and worry that she wasn't good enough, even though she was his entire world.

"True. I really don't remember much. Everything is such a tangle in my mind. I can think of a few things, but I'm afraid you'll laugh at me or think less of me."

"Never." Edward said.

"I won't." Charlie agreed.

"They're silly. But I'll try. OK…One time I came home from school…I think I was nine or ten…and I was upset because my teacher got really sick, and they moved me to another class. I didn't know anyone in there. I was scared for my teacher because she was so sweet, but I was also really lonely and nervous about all of the new kids. I didn't feel like I fit in. And when I walked in from school and tried to tell mom about it, she tried to listen, but I could tell that she just wasn't interested. She changed the subject the first second she could to this dress she was having custom made at a new shop in town.

And then, when we spent a few weeks in California, dad, I went home all excited because you had taken me to the beach and to that really fancy movie theater with the chandeliers and the old movie posters. It was so cool. I wanted to tell her all about it. She let me talk, but then I figured out she hadn't heard a word I said when she immediately started talking about something else. I just felt ignored, but I knew she loved me. It was just part of how she was.

Another time, I really needed her advice because kids were bullying me at school, and I didn't want to fight them. But that's the only thing she would say. Fight back. Kick their ass. I was just looking for support, reassurance, but mom loved the drama. I learned that it was easier to keep things to myself.

I hate to talk bad about her though because she's my best friend. We would always have great times together and I could count on her to bring me ice cream if I was having a bad day or to remember my favorite movies and stuff. I never doubted that she loves me."

"But sometimes, you need a parent, not a best friend." Charlie said.

"Yeah. I suppose so. But it's like, I shouldn't feel like this. I was never abused. I never went hungry, unless it was as a result of mom's bad attempts at cooking, but she tried. She never let me go without things I needed for school. I mean, we didn't have a lot of money, but it wasn't a bad childhood. She was just…wild. Unpredictable. But still, so many other kids have it so much worse. It's just…I shouldn't…I never…I don't know…"

"Just because others have had it worse, doesn't mean your experiences aren't valid. You deserve love and support as much as anyone else." Edward said. Bella looked up at him. He decided to elaborate a bit more since he thought it would help her. "I hear the kids at school say that I'm too odd all the time. Stuck up. Not like them. That I shouldn't have any issues because I'm rich and have a great family now. And I feel guilty for wishing I still had my parents-" Bella read between the lines understanding that he meant hearing in their thoughts, and that he wished he were still human. "But it doesn't mean I love Carlisle and Esme any less. It doesn't mean I'm not happy. It just means that I miss them and what could have been."

"Thank you." she said, looking up into his eyes. Edward was sad, but they were both feeling a renewed understanding of each other, at least a little.

"You two don't even have to talk to understand each other's feelings. Do you?"

"Not usually." Edward said.

"No." Bella agreed.

"I'm convinced at least one of you can read minds." Charlie said. They both laughed. He was so close to the truth.

"If I could, I'm sure Bella's would still be a mystery." Edward grinned.

"That explains the looks you give each other sometimes. I always thought you both were too attached for someone your age. But I think I understand it now. You get each other in a way no one else does. You feel understood when you're together. Normal because your thoughts make sense to each other."

"Usually. She never really reacts how I expect her to though. She knows everything about me and still loves me. It's hard to believe."

"And when you were apart…"

"It felt like missing my heart." Bella said. Charlie nodded understandingly.

"We won't be apart ever again. Not for longer than a day or two with our families." Edward promised. "My life is not worth living without her in it."

"I want to say that's an awful way to look at things, especially at your age…" Charlie started. "But you two fit together in a way I don't think I will ever understand or experience. In a way I'm not sure I would ever want to experience."

"It's not that we can't live apart if we wanted to." Bella assured him. "It's that we don't want to. I wouldn't like…kill myself…if he disappeared again or anything. But I just don't feel right without him. I feel safe with him. He understands me even when I don't get it myself."

"I feel the same." Edward said.

"It wasn't just like losing a boyfriend. It was like losing the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced." she said, crying again as she clutched his side.

"I know. I'm so sorry. Never again. I promise." he said, caressing her face and trying to help her calm down. "It was just like that for me as well." Edward added for Charlie.

"How do we help you two get better?" he asked.

"We need to figure out what triggers this or makes us feel these things…not quite flashbacks…I think the term was emotional flashbacks. It makes us emotionally feel like we did when the prior event happened. Carlisle and Jasper want to try to talk us through some of it if that's alright with you. They have both been studying and doing all sorts of research together. They're intrigued."

"Anything that helps." Charlie agreed.

Bella nodded. "I appreciate their help so much. It was wonderful to be able to put a word to what I'm feeling. To know that I'm not just crazy. That there's a cause. Mom always said that I should just perk up and work on my self-esteem. That I should like…show my boobs more and I'd make friends or some kind of typical mom advice. I thought that I just had anxiety…panic attacks…that I was nuts. But that isn't the case."

"Not entirely." Edward smiled. "Although I still question your tastes in books and dates."

"You hush." she teased, smiling softly at him. She knew he was only trying to help her stay calm.

"What can I do?" Charlie asked, unsure.

"You are OK with this? You don't think I should be committed or anything?"

"No. You're my daughter and I love you no matter what. Truthfully, I've never been one to talk about feelings and things but it's nice to know that it's something we can work on. And that you've found such a caring second family. I'm glad they take care of you in ways I can't."

"You're great, dad. Don't feel bad. You didn't know."

"I can do better though."

"You will. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Will you tell me to my face if I do? I promise not to get mad. I want to know."

"Alright."

"I better not be completely useless today. I'm going to change the oil on the cruiser. Want me to get your truck?" he said, wanting to be there for them, but having a lot to think through, or process, himself from their talk.

"Yeah. That would be nice."

"I'm going to run to the store. Are you kids alright here by yourselves?"

"We are." Edward said.

"Yeah." Bella agreed.

They got more comfortable on the couch, happily turning on an old movie to watch and snuggling in silence while Charlie got ready to leave the house. Bella fell asleep, feeling safe in Edward's arms and needing rest from the nightmares the night before.

Edward reflected on their conversation, glad that she had told her father, though he had initially felt like an ass for bringing it up. He knew it was for the better. It would only increase her support system. He wasn't going to tell anyone else and would leave it up to Bella from then on. He had no idea just how much she had gone through. It made their memories and love even more profound.

While she was suffering with self-doubt, anxiety and even guilt just for existing, she still loved Edward more than he had ever thought possible. She still gave him beautiful smiles and laughs. She didn't care that he was a monster. That he was ill as well in his own ways. Crazy. She adored him and made his whole world worth being in, even as she fought her own battles. He fell in love with her a bit more each day they spent together. She was amazing.