Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Apart from Pokémon, I do not own the jokes coming from other movies, and I do not own the song in this fic!

I probably lost a great deal of readers due to chapter 6 and 7, but hey, humour is humour. If you want to read it, read it.

This chapter was inspired of a movie I watched too many times. I'm not going to tell the name of the movie or I'll ruin the whole chapter! It's noted at the end, ya!

And here's chapter no. eight of John's adventures, with his co-star Farfetch'd and Voltorb (Ka-Boom).

Since there are two main types of speeches, I'll list them one last time.

"Normal Speaking"

'Translated Pokémon Speaking'

"Mt Moon Encounters"

"Well," said John, "it was a nice rest." After a while, he noticed that he was talking to himself. He let out Farfetch'd out of his pokéball to get some company. He also let Ka-Boom out.

"So, guys, do you think it'll be easy enough to go through this cave?" he asked them, or mostly Farfetch'd since he could speak English.

Farfetch'd began to waddle back and forth, his hands behind his back. "Hmm," he hummed, looking down, pondering. "I don't really know, John, rocky places isn't Fetch for me. With all those Rock Pokémon and that, Zubats and bloodsucking Golbats!" He shuddered at the second Pokémon, "I hate Poison Pokémon…"

"So you don't know anything…" concluded John. Farfetch'd shook his head. "So, Ka-Boom, what do you know of this place?" he asked, kneeling to Ka-Boom's level.

"Vol, tolbelol volt bolt Voltorb vorb torb!" the Electric Pokémon said. Confused, John looked at Farfetch'd wanting him to interpret.

Farfetch'd sighed. "Well, he said that while you were sleeping, he banged your mum!"

John looked at Ka-Boom darkly for a moment. "RAAaah!" he screamed as he tried to strangle the Voltorb (And how the heck do you do that?). Farfetch'd couldn't believe that John actually fell for that so he had to stop him from, uh, choking Ka-Boom by smacking his leek on John's head.

John let go of the Voltorb, which didn't seem to be any hurt, just confused, and looked at Farfetch'd. "Very funny, Farrie, what did Ka-Boom say, honestly." John didn't get an answer right away, what he got was a leek smashed in his face. "OOOWWW, AAAAHAAHAAA! WHYY DID YOU DO THAT!" he screamed, clutching his face.

"Because no one calls me that!" growled Farfetch'd, poised to smack John if he tried to retaliate. Seeing that John starts to calm down, Farfetch'd begin to stroke his leek. "This leek is so Fetch!" He kisses the leek.

"Ohh, my face… Farfetch'd, what did Ka-Boom say?" John asked again, rubbing his face.

"Oh yeah, he said this: Mt Moon is the place of where Moon Stones can be found. They are however very rare and it involves danger to look for them since Team Rocket always seem to be there for no particular reason."

"Team Rocket? What's that?" asked John.

Farfetch'd sighed. "Team Rocket is-"

"No wait, I know!" interjected John, receiving a look from Farfetch'd that said 'Wow, you know something…' He took a deep breath before speaking. "Team Rocket is an evil team of rockets that are aimed at us, and if we stay here we will be hit by them rockets and BLOW UP!"

Farfetch'd slapped his own forehead and Voltorb did the same, how it did, don't ask!

"No, no, no, no!" excused John quickly, waving his hands very quickly. "I meant that there's a whole another concept! Look, the Rockets are firing Rocket Launchers at us, it's like, reversed psychology of some sort!" He smiled proudly of his discovery.

"I give up…" mused Farfetch'd, sitting down. "Can we go in already?" he pleaded.

"Yeah, why not?" replied John as they walked into Mt Moon. Farfetch'd waddled after his trainer, while Ka-Boom eagerly rolled after.

The cavern was pretty well lit, thanks to the light bulbs that were hanging along the wall. John was becoming restless of the walking and began kicking some rocks.

"Phooey! This cave is waaay to cavey! PHOOEY!" John whined. Farfetch'd resisted the urge to pick up a random rock and knock it with his leek right on the head of his annoying trainer.

"Keep it down, will ya, John?" the duck demanded, "remember what that Pokédex said about those sleeping Onixes?" John nodded, keeping silent. Farfetch'd were bored too, by the way, he kicked up a pretty big rock and batted it away with his leek. He watched the rock fly away, and he let out a mellow 'Homerun' accompanied with the Homerun song.

'Ouch! You stupid duck!' the rock growled, but was unheard. The Geodude that had been mistaken for a rock had had enough of being that, it was time for revenge!

John & co proceeded deeper into the tunnel complex, with complex I meant a very straight forward way to the exit. John didn't encounter any wild Pokémon, probably because he had chosen to remain as quiet as possible so he wouldn't wake up any sleeping Onixes.

Farfetch'd broke the silence. "I hate to admit it, but I actually agree with you, John." John looks at him questioningly. "With this cave being so utterly boring! QUACK!" quacked Farfetch'd, muttering profanities and curses in his natural language.

Another five minutes passed, they walked through the extremely boring cave where nothing happened.

"So, Farfetch'd, what did you do back in the days before I caught you?" asked John. The brown duck responded first by coughing sarcastically.

"Caught? To remind you, we made a deal, which consisted of me joining you if you got me a brand new leek. The deal is that I serve as your Pokémon, and you're making sure I have a leek!"

"Wha?"

"If you break the contract, John, I might have to get my associates to 'take care' of you. Trust me, you don't want that. You did buy additional leeks in case I'd lose this one, didn't you?"

"…no…" squeaked John.

Farfetch'd waved the stick at John threateningly. "Then you better buy a stock in the next town! You never did read the fine print, did you?" John shook his head. "Wow, what a surprise… you better make sure to keep my leek away from those Scyther potheads, and in case you wondered, my associates… are not of my kind," warned Farfetch'd.

"Ooookay…" John mused, not getting a single thing.

Farfetch'd jerked his head upwards, sensing something. "Something's coming…" A rolling sound was heard; it became louder and louder as it approached. A boulder was rolling towards the group; it missed and hit the wall. A pair of arms the sprouted out of the boulder, revealing the boulder Pokémon Geodude.

'There you are you stupid duck!' it said to Farfetch'd, shaking a fist. It was obviously very angry of what Farfetch'd had done before. John didn't understand anything of course.

'Whoa, excuse you for looking like a baseball!' quacked Farfetch'd, using his regular tongue. The Geodude grunted as it pounded both fists on the rock floor, and then waving its rocky finger at Farfetch'd.

'I thought we made it clear to you that you were not welcome here anymore, and yet you barge in with that human and use me as a baseball?'

Farfetch'd scoffed and raised his left wing, giving the Geodude the finger.

Geodude crossed his stony arms. 'You know, Mr Farfetch'd, the good thing about me…' The Geodude paused, closing his eyes. '…is that there are so many me's.'

Silence.

'Huh?' wondered the Geodude. 'I said that there are so many me's!' It was still silent. 'Dammit!' the boulder cursed, pounding the ground, 'why doesn't it work? Give me a sec.' The Geodude rolled away for a moment.

Geodude had rolled up to a big stereo equipment. It checked the various options it had set not long ago. 'What's wrong with this metal piece of junk? ARRGH! It's killing me! Why doesn't the music start?' It picks up cover of the CD that's currently in and reads it. 'Let's see… track no. 14 it is…' starts pushing various buttons on the stereo. 'There… and there… now, set to start in 10 seconds…' Geodude quickly rolls back to where John & co are.

John & co just stood there, not having the smallest idea of that they could have run at this moment. Geodude came rolling quickly and spoke hastily.

'Thegoodthingaboutbeingmeisthattherearesomanyme's!'

(Music starts)

Song: "Three Cigarettes in an Ashtray" by Patsy Cline (Country like song)

Two cigarettes in an ashtray…

My love and I in a small café…

Then a stranger… came along…

And every… thing went wrong…

Now there are three cigarettes in the ashtray (in the ashtray)

Geodude put its hands on his head, getting completely mad, and red faced.

'NOOO! WRONG SONG!' It quickly rolls away.

SMASH! CRASH! BZZT KA-BLAMM-BOOM!

"What a loser…" muttered Farfetch'd, while John was laughing his ass off.

But they never preceded that far…

'Hold it right there, Duckie!' Five Geodudes surrounded the duo (John had recalled Ka-Boom in case it would fancy exploding), circling them gleefully. 'Well, well, well. What do we have here? A little duck with his human companion.' They lined up in a straight line, watching them.

The leader of them, which seemed to be slightly bigger, rolled up closer to the duck, watching his leek. 'Still playing with food, aren't you? Didn't you mother teach you not to do that?' it asked mockingly, the rest of them laughed lowly, sending leers to the duck.

'I've had enough of you, Duke Geo. This is going to end right here, right now!' snarled Farfetch'd. 'Today I'm taking you down! Let's dance, Dickweed!'

'You wanna dance, Fatchie?' asked Duke Geo, who picked up a stiletto from his back. 'I want polka.' The four other Geodudes wield different kind of weapons, ranging from chains to shovels.

Farfetch'd quickly handed his leek to John, who took it and pocketed it in his inner jacket, keeping a solemn stare towards the armed Geodudes. Farfetch'd reached behind his back and drew a wooden stick that was painted so it looked like a leek. John picked up a hand grenade, holding it straight forward, still keeping his gaze at the boulder Pokémon.

'Come get a taste!' Farfetch'd hissed, narrowing his eyes. The Geodudes looked at their victims, ready to attack. Farfetch'd looked briefly at John, noticing he was holding a grenade.

'Whoa! John, where'd you get a hand grenade?' he asked.

John kept looking at the Geodudes solemnly, "I don't know," he simply said. Farfetch'd looked at the Geodudes again, who were ready to attack any second.

'All right,' said Duke Geo, 'let's do this!'

But before they attacked, they heard something else approach.

"NO, YOU DON'T!" A figure leapt down from a higher plateau. He had a graceful white mantle that was red on the inside. And the rest of his clothing was angelic white. He also held a katana in his hands. The person was none other than…

Brock?

"If you're gonna have a fight, don't forget me, Brock Rockstone of Pewter Gym!" he said lowly.

Farfetch'd looked at him, shocked and dumbfounded. "You dirtbag will always end up as the weakest Gym Leader in Kanto!" he mocked.

"Oh yeah?" Brock hissed, "You will end up as… a Peking Duck!" he looked at John, who still had his gaze towards the Geodudes. "And you will not live to tell the humiliation from yesterday, John!"

A faint buzzing sound was heard, and it was getting closer too.

'Not so fast, you weaklings!' a familiar voice exclaims. A group of four Scythers had arrived, but they didn't have any weapons, since they already had their scythes. 'Viridian Scythers are here. And we're taking a break from leek smoking to kick some ass! No leeks, NO MERCY!' the other three cried a war cry, and approached the ring of fighters. One of the Scythers coughed lightly.

"Clefairy!" said a voice; it was very light and at an instant, ten pinkish creatures that resembled a fairy… or something.

'Good day, BITCHES!' one of them squeaked. That one was wielding a leather whip, while the other ones wielded meat cleavers, axes, nunchakus and such 'It's time for us that we show what we're made of! There will be much less of you Geodudes and Scythers, YAA, YAA!' she screams, whipping her whip a couple of times.

Every body were now gathered in a big ring of different teams. Farfetch'd walked into the middle of the ring, raising both his wings. 'Before we begin, let's go through the rules. Rule no. 1: No Feather Plucking.'

All of the fighters nod. 'Of course,' said the Scyther, rolling its eyes.

'And that's ALL! Let's get this started!' exclaimed Farfetch'd, walking back to John, who STILL stared at the Geodudes. Every fighter waited for the signal, silently snarling at each other. Brock held his katana firmly, waiting to dash forward. A Geodude clenched its fists, on which it had put brass knuckles on. The Scythers were eyeing Farfetch'd's leek, and the Clefairies snapped their jaws.

'BEGIN!' Farfetch'd screamed. Everybody rushed towards each other, batting down, slicing and punching.

To be contained…

John: No, not a cliffhanger here! Curse you, EkaSwede! I hate cliffhangers!

A/N

Yup, you probably recognized the scene, but I already disclaimed it, so don't nag on me about it! You'll get a cookie if you can guess what movie that inspired me (Not the Matrix one, the other one). Until then… I don't know what to end this note with…