Charlie returned home from the store a few hours later. He initially went for oil for their vehicles, but ran into some old friends and got distracted, then a bit hungry, then distracted again. Perhaps a day off was good for him once in a while. Still, it was time to get home and check up on Bella. Her tears that morning had really scared him and he regretted being out so long.

The curtains, usually left wide open, were drawn shut. There didn't appear to be any lights on in the house. From the porch, everything was completely silent. Surely the kids weren't doing anything too inappropriate. After all, they had just gotten back together. But then, Charlie remembered how intensely they looked at each other and how bonded they seemed to be in such a short time of knowing each other. He also remembered what he was like as a teenager. Suddenly, he couldn't get his keys in the lock fast enough.

The house was dark and quiet. They weren't talking or sitting on the couch, though he could see the flashing light of the TV from the door. He hesitantly entered the living room, laughing in relief as he found them both sitting on cushions on the floor playing his old Nintendo, rather than doing anything remotely sexual. In fact, this was definitely the complete opposite of sexual.

"What in the world?" he asked with a big grin.

"I fell asleep on Edward and when he went to get me a blanket, he found this in a box in the top of the closet."

"Yeah, that's my old Nintendo. I haven't thought about that thing in probably nearly twenty years. It still works?"

"Beautifully. Would you like to play?" Edward asked, holding out his controller with a grin. Charlie shook his head, more than happy to sit down and watch, car and truck maintenance forgotten as he noticed his daughter's smile. It was subtle, but it was very much there, lighting up the room in a way he hadn't seen in quite some time. It was so good to see it again.

The manner in which Edward sat slightly behind Bella, watching her more than the screen wasn't lost on Charlie either. They both noticed her actually enjoying herself, and it meant the world to them. They were on the same team.

She happily played games with Edward for hours, touching or glancing over at him from time to time, reassuring herself that he was there. She wasn't entirely relaxed, but perhaps the most she had been since Edward had come home. There was still her baseline anxiety, the slight bit of her that always stayed on guard for any potential danger, but her thoughts didn't race. She could focus, even if it was just on tiny digital bubbles or characters or green pipes.

Edward made it one of his missions to help his love experience all the things she had missed out on as a child when she was too busy taking care of her mother. Finding Charlie's video games wasn't his intention, but it was a lovely surprise. He had carried the box in the living room along with a thick quilt but found her already awake and looking sleepily around the room. So, rather than going back to sleep, she excitedly dove into the box of treasures, laughing as she picked out the silliest looking titles to start with. He had previously seen video games as mostly a waste of time, but for all the joy they brought his Bella, he had been sorely mistaken.

"You let me win that one!" she shouted after a few laps of a racing game.

"No, must be the controller. Or I am just bad at racing." he answered with a grin and a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

"You aren't bad at anything." she insisted. "You cheated."

"How is it cheating if I let you win?"

"So, you admit it?" she asked.

"I admit that you won."

"You're impossible. It's no fun if I don't win on my own."

"You did win on your own."

"I'm watching you."

"I'm watching you." he agreed, caressing her cheek. "You're a much more lovely view than the game."

She blushed at the change of subject, grateful Charlie had snuck outside a few minutes earlier. She was glad he accepted Edward back so easily, but still didn't want to be too affectionate in front of him or make him uncomfortable.

"I think I've had enough video games for a bit. My eyes are stinging."

"Oh yeah, we've been at it for like three hours."

"Three hours? Wow." she said, stretching and yawning.

"It didn't feel like it was that long, did it?"

"No, but it's not that."

"What is it then?"

"I can't remember the last time I've ever spent three whole uninterrupted hours on anything like that."

"You mean video games?" he asked.

"Video games. Reading. Anything honestly. I usually can't focus on one activity for too long. Other thoughts start taking over and reminding me of things I need to do. Or I get distracted. When I was with mom, she would always interrupt me. She thought that I wasn't doing anything if I was just reading, so she could talk to me. I sort of trained myself to just squeeze in a chapter here and there unless she wasn't home or was asleep, or else I wouldn't be able to retain any of it because she would just insist I talk to her about something unimportant or do something else at some point."

"When we get our first place together, I'm going to build you a library. Until then, you're always welcome to use my room as a quiet sanctuary if you want. I'll keep the family out."

"I don't want you to feel like you can't talk to me if I'm doing something."

"I know the difference. Your mom would just talk about stuff just to talk right? Events, news, clothes?"

"Yeah."

"I would only bother you for matters of the utmost importance."

"Like what?"

"Reminding you how much I love and adore you." he said, leaning in close to dazzle her before kissing her lips, his body humming in satisfaction.

"You said when we get our first place together." she said after he pulled away a few minutes later.

"I did."

"When do you think that might be?"

"That's not what you're really wanting to know is it?"

"No."

"I think your change is something we had best discuss with Jasper and Carlisle. Maybe we should both try to get a little better before we set a for sure date. But you have my promise to talk about it and not immediately say no."

"Wanting forever with you isn't going to change for any reason."

"I know that now."

"Why wait?"

"I'd like you to enjoy your time with Charlie. I'm sure he would like to see you graduate and go off to college."

"College? I don't want to wait four years. I'll be so much older than you."

"Relax." he said, caressing her cheek again and waiting for her heart to settle back down a bit. "I said go off to, not graduate. It'll be much easier to stay in contact with him if you'd like if you leave Forks for college far away. The farther we go, the harder it makes visiting. We can even go out of the country if you want."

"You aren't saying no." she said in disbelief.

"I'm not."

"You're trying to help me plan."

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I won't live without you. We tried that and it didn't work."

"What about my soul?" She regretted asking it the second it slipped out, but there was no taking it back.

"Well…" Edward took a deep breath. "You've been really honest with me, even when it made you uncomfortable. I guess it's my turn to be honest with you….and myself…and explain how I really, truly feel about all of this. If you want?"

"I do."

"I want to be totally alone to have this discussion though. It isn't something we need your father to overhear."

"It's warm outside." she hinted.

"Our meadow." he answered with a smile. "Go get a sweater and I'll let him know that we're going hiking."

"He will never believe I'm going hiking."

"Walking?"

"Maybe."

"To a picnic?"

"Much more likely."

Bella took a couple human minutes and put on a dark green sweater that complimented her eyes. She knew Edward would love it.

She walked downstairs and outside, surprised to see Esme standing around talking to Charlie as he changed the oil in the truck.

Esme was wearing a large, floppy sunhat and a thin, layered dress shirt that covered every inch of exposed skin in shade other than her hands. Her hands were covered in splatters of what looked like acrylic paint, some with glitter. "-so I thought I would take lunch to Carlisle at the hospital and come check on the kids while the paint dries. It's such a lovely day out! At least, the weatherman said it would be for the next couple of hours while there's a break in the clouds."

"It is." he answered.

"I was hoping you two might join me for a walk and a picnic." Esme said with a smile. "Edward told me he had the same idea, and you were just getting dressed."

"We don't get many sunbathing days in Forks." Bella answered.

"Exactly. That's one thing I'll miss about L.A. I'll bring them back later this evening, Charlie."

"Have fun." he said with a wave as he went inside with a paper bag full of goodies Esme had brought him.

"There's your easy alibi. And your lunch is in a basket in the backseat." Esme said with a smile, kissing Bella then Edward on the cheek and practically floating back to Carlisle's Mercedes. "Follow me, Edward." she said loudly as she pulled out just in case Charlie was listening.

"Thanks mom."

"Thank you, Esme. You didn't have to."

"I wanted to."

"Does he not trust us alone?" Bella asked Edward once they were alone in his car, following Esme down the road.

Edward pushed his hoodie back so that it was no longer shading his face. Luckily, Charlie hadn't paid his sparkling hands any attention, mostly because he kept them in his pocket as much as possible. Esme's thoughts told him the sun was going to be covered up by the time his siblings got out of school, so they were safe to stay put without revealing their secret. "It's not that. But Alice saw my idea to go to our meadow and she didn't want Charlie to get worried about us hiking alone or anything."

"Oh."

"We might be there a while. And he won't mind if he thinks we're with Esme."

"She can come with us if she wants. I'm sure it's lonely being home alone most of the day."

"She knows. This conversation is best for the two of us. Trust me, she has plenty of hobbies. You should ask to see her architectural drawings sometime. She's amazing."

"I would like that." Bella's stomach growled as if on cue. "It was really sweet of her to make me and Charlie lunch."

"Someone has to eat all those groceries we buy." he shrugged but couldn't hide his grin. He was grateful for his adoptive mother too and resolved to order her some flowers or new art supplies later that evening.

They held hands and enjoyed the ride to the edge of the woods where Edward had to park the car to run the rest of the way to their meadow. They were both happy, but there was a nervousness too, both for the conversation ahead and the fear that their personal paradise wouldn't be as they left it, or perhaps wouldn't be there at all.

She closed her eyes and kissed his neck a few times softly as he ran with her on his back to their favorite place. He stopped just at the tree line and sat her on her feet, kissing her forehead.

"It's still here." she smiled, enjoying the warmth of the sun on her face. Sure, most of the flowers were dead from the winter, but they would come back. That was one of the most beautiful facts of life. Nature always healed itself. Their meadow was intact. She looked up at her date, smiling as he sparkled in the sun. He had always hated that sparkle, but if it was that which caused her to smile so adorably, he might could learn to live with it.

He sat the small basket down at their feet, pulling out a blanket to lay across the ground for her and then setting out a sandwich, fruit, an abundance of cookies, and a drink.

"You eat. I'll talk." he said, hoping that she would start eating more regularly and regaining some of the weight she had lost in his absence.

"Alright. You don't have to tell me twice if Esme made it." she smiled, sitting down, and pulling him down with her by his hand. He hesitated to talk. "Don't be nervous."

"You might not like what I have to say."

"You aren't intending to leave me. You said that. So, I'm not worried." she said, though her racing heart said different. She was nervous, at least about something.

"Nothing like that. It's about souls. Religion."

"Oh." she said, not sure what to say, but confident they could handle that topic. He was clearly terrified. She caressed his cheek. "You aren't going to scare me away, no matter what it is."

"I might."

"If uprooting trees and sparkling doesn't scare me, you really think words will?"

They both cringed, knowing it was his words that had hurt her so much when he left. Still, he knew what she meant. He started to talk, mostly so she would relax and enjoy her lunch. "I was raised very religious. I don't remember a lot of my human life, other than my mother being a devout Christian. I'm not too sure about my father. She would read me Bible stories at bedtime and make sure I knew my commandments from as young as I could remember. We always prayed. She taught me the importance of protecting my soul at all costs. Saving myself for marriage. Not taking his name in vain. Obeying my parents. All of that.

I thought I did right by my mother, at least as much as anyone possibly could, until the day I woke up with Carlisle. An abomination as far as I was concerned. No matter how gentle and kind and good Carlisle is, I just couldn't convince myself that I wasn't damned. That I hadn't done something to deserve this. Maybe I was too prideful. Or I lusted after something I didn't deserve. I don't know. This immortality, it had to be a punishment. No just God would wish this on someone who didn't deserve it, especially being able to hear every thought of each victim, though I had to drink from someone to feed. Animals quench the thirst, but never completely.

I held fast in the belief that this was my punishment for a very, very long time. I've never felt worthy of anything more than existence at its most minimum definition. I have tried so hard to not harm others since my rebellious period, to make the best of this damnation and be good, but it's still a struggle. But then, you came along. You smell so amazing. There aren't words to describe what your blood does to me. You know that I wanted to kill you at first. I thought you were sent to punish me some more. To make me go back on my ways and show me what a monster I really am. To remind me that there truly can't be anything good in the world and that this was my torment to bear.

Despite that, I didn't drink from you. And I fell in love with you before I even realized what was happening. The word love didn't cross my mind until I was in far too deep. It had already changed me. I tried to fight it at first, but there was just no resisting you.

I've always held tight to my beliefs, but we had that talk the other night and I've been questioning everything since. I can't stop it. My thoughts keep racing. I can't get them to settle down. What if my punishment is over? But then, vampirism would still be a punishment for you by my logic when I change you. You would still have the urges for human blood. The desire to kill. Or else the constant burning pain of drinking only animals.

So then, I thought, what if we aren't damned? What if there isn't a God and we really are just another step in the food chain? Nature. Not divinity. I felt so guilty for even thinking that. My mother would be so ashamed…" he trailed off, looking into her eyes, and seeing that she was following his monologue intently, calmly. He looked away from her for a moment so she would remember that she was eating lunch, though he still held most of her attention.

He continued, "Most of my family is atheist. Of course, I always questioned the fallacies of religion. I've read hundreds of books on it and even seen a few of the original documents that make up the Bible in their first language. I assumed that the core message was still right, even if some of it had been lost over the centuries in translation.

I'm struggling. My mind won't stop turning over the possibility that religion isn't as important as I'm making it out to be. That there is no heaven or hell, only here and now. That we aren't damned. And it's terrifying. It grips me with fear. On the one hand, it means I can be free of this self-pity I've lived in for nearly a hundred years and just let go and enjoy myself with you.

On the other hand, what if I'm wrong? What if I'm causing further harm, not only to my own soul, but to yours as well? Is this just the biggest sin of all? This doubt? Questioning God?" he asked, though she knew it was all rhetorical. She could see the tension in his shoulders and in his jaw. His eyes were dark, but not from lust or hunger. His expression was sorrowful, though to Bella, this sounded like more of a hopeful conversation. She wanted to be able to help him see it that way.

They were quiet for a few minutes as she ate, and they contemplated. "Do you want to hear what I think or would that be inappropriate after sharing something so personal?" she asked.

He paused, no one had ever asked him that before. Most people plowed ahead with whatever was in their thoughts, rarely taking the time to consider his feelings and opinions. Of course, there was his family, but he heard the doubts in their thoughts and even the things they wouldn't say themselves. Even Carlisle and Esme, though always loyal and loving, couldn't hide their doubts or frustrations from him sometimes. Was this just because he couldn't read her mind? Then again, when had Bella ever done or said what he expected her to? Maybe she really thought this way. "I always want to hear what you think."

"What's wrong with finding joy in your life as long as it doesn't harm anyone else? It's your life to do with as you please. We don't know what comes after this. But does it matter?"

"What I want would harm you."

"No, because it's what I want too. I know the risks."

"You haven't experienced them."

"No, but I've experienced you. What I want is forever with you. The risks and the cost, they're worth it." He looked at her for a minute, the startings of hope forming in his chest. He could feel something deep within him changing, but he was so scared. There was so much more to discuss. He wasn't ready for this. Not yet. Would he ever be?

"What if I'm wrong?"

"What if you're right?" she insisted. "We really don't know. We don't have to. Forget all of that for a minute." He looked into her eyes, seeing that whatever she was about to mention was important to her. He nodded and tried to clear his thoughts. She continued "Answer the first thing that comes to your mind. I forbid you to think about your answer first."

"Alright." he chuckled. She was so adorable when demanding things from him. How could he refuse?

"What makes you happy?"

"You." he insisted with no hesitation. She smiled shyly, though she knew exactly what the answer was going to be.

"When we're together, the risks you're worried about are that you might change me, or kill me, right?"

"Pretty much."

"Are you going to kill me?"

"Not intentionally."

"Do you think there's any risk of you killing me? Not your family. Not another vampire. You personally."

"I would never do anything to harm you. Especially not now. And I've learned my lesson about pushing you into glass tables. I promise. If anything like that ever happens again, I'll just grab you and run away with you faster than they can chase."

"Right." she said, focusing the conversation back on what really mattered. "I want you to change me. I wouldn't be upset with you for that. Your family wouldn't be upset with you. I know you're worried about our souls, but we have no way of knowing that. We need to focus on what we do know and what we can control."

"I'm scared."

"I know. But this is what you are, Edward. There's no changing that. And I love you exactly as you are, no matter what that means." she caressed his cheek and re-adjusted so he could wrap his arms around her. "It doesn't matter what you believe. Not to me. I see you. The real you. And I want to be with you forever. We shouldn't let fear take that away from us."

He gazed into her deep chocolate eyes, the intensity and love there overwhelming him. He kissed her, softly at first, but the second their lips met, he needed more. Her scent and warmth surrounded him; her words repeated in his mind in perfect clarity. For the first time in many years, or maybe ever, Edward really let himself relax. He trusted his instincts to be gentle with his love, his only worry making sure she didn't come near his venomous teeth as he threw himself into their kiss, clearing his mind and really feeling her being all around him. He allowed himself to believe that he did deserve this, her. That this is all there was for him, not any other worries or feelings within him were indescribable.

His body was tingling, almost high with the release of long held tensions and anxieties. It didn't mean that he was cured, but for a few precious minutes, he was in his own personal heaven. She was everything in his entire world. When she pulled away ever so slightly to breathe, he kissed her face, her neck, her shoulders just above the neckline of her sweater. He breathed deeply, luxuriating in her scent. He listened to each precious beat of her heart.

"Mine." he whispered with a smile, fully admitting to himself perhaps for the first time that she was his, really, truly, completely his. If vampires could cry, he would have wept with the joy of finally allowing himself to admit it and see it as something beautiful and deserved, not an abomination against her soul. Not a sin. Love.

He kissed her lips again and his hands found the hem of her sweater, his fingers sneaking under it to caress the soft, bare skin of her back. She shivered with pleasure and leaned closer to him. He refused to allow himself to think of this as forbidden, not when it felt so amazing, when it called up such feelings in both of them. He picked her up, never breaking their kiss, and sat her sideways in his lap. Their kiss intensified. Chills ran down his spine. A low, quiet growl started rumbling in his chest.

It was him who pulled away panting, trying to catch his breath. He wore a big smile. His dark eyes sparkled with happiness. She sighed as she admired him, her warm fingers tracing along his face.

"Why did you stop?" she asked, pouting adorably at him.

Bella loved seeing Edward so carefree. It had been so rare. They never exactly kissed like that before. He hadn't allowed himself to touch her in the least bit 'inappropriately', even her back or sides under her shirt. The physical contact made her focus on the moment, on him, and took her out of all of her anxieties to where she was free to just be herself. Bella. She was going to remember that for future reference when she felt panicked for sure.

"I-" he hesitated, then resigned himself to telling the truth, no matter how improper. "I didn't want to stop."

"Then why did you?"

"We can't. Not before-" he stopped again, realizing it was another belief he had clung to for so long without questioning, one that might now be very outdated, though he wasn't sure if it were wrong or right. He decided to change his wording for now and deal with that thought later. "Is it possible to feel too good? To need a minute to stop before you lose yourself in it?"

She smiled and blushed. "You mean you pulled away for normal man reasons. Not vampire reasons."

"Yeah." he admitted, running a finger through his already incredibly messy bronze hair. "I'm sorry. It's inappropriate of me to say such things."

"Relax, Edward." she said, resting a hand on each side of his face as she gazed into his eyes. "You can never be inappropriate with me. I want to hear these things. I like it." Her face was scarlet, but her smile was gentle and loving.

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"You don't. I want us to be honest with each other. Not doing that nearly cost us everything. And that means not hiding anything, good or bad. But this…this is good. Sometimes, I'm not sure if you want me in that way. You're always so proper. So controlled. I wasn't sure if you had the same urges-"

"Bella." he whispered, debating for half a second, but deciding to honor her wishes and tell the full truth. "You have no idea." Her expression left him with no course of action but to pull her closer to him for another fiery, passionate kiss. He wasn't ready to go further than that, for now, but he needed her to know that she would never have to doubt him. There weren't a lot of things he felt he could give her, but his complete, honest love and desires was definitely something he could and would gladly give for the rest of eternity.

The sun was setting when they emerged from the world of passionate kisses and gentle, mostly appropriate touches, though he had rather enjoyed running his fingers up the flesh of her spine, feeling the contours of her small waist under her sweater as they kissed. They began to think about the real world again. His phone started to vibrate.

"Alice." he said with a laugh, reading the text aloud. "Esme called Charlie and asked if Bella could sleep over because she was having so much fun with us that she didn't want to tear her away. I got some clothes and things for her after school."

"Good. That means we can stay here a while longer?"

"As long as you like." he answered with a smile. "Though it's going to get cold soon. Would you like to relocate to my room? They won't bother us if we don't want them to."

"I'm so happy in our little bubble."

"Me too."

"Do you feel a bit better about…well…everything?"

"There's still a lot to consider, but…better than I ever have. I can't promise that I'm cured right away. I know that isn't how this works. But I'm going to try. For you, but for me as well. I can't tell you the last time I've actually tried to care about myself. It feels-" he paused, thinking. "Both amazing and terrifying."

She kissed his lips just once, gently. "I love you."

"The most beautiful fact in the universe. I love you too."

"We'll get better together."

"I think we've already started to." he said. "I can't tell you how entirely you've changed me. There is hope. Beauty. Love." He smiled. "Before I left, I was so convinced that staying was damning you to Hell. That I was killing the most amazing thing to ever exist just by being in your presence. That I was a monster. A demon. A corrupter. I deserved my punishment of being away from you. I never even considered the truth, so lost I was in my own self-doubts and pity. The action of leaving you made me more of a monster than ever before. I hurt you so badly. And yet…the truth prevails."

"The truth?"

"Love. You love me. You really, truly love me. This isn't about curses or souls or Heaven or Hell or any of those other scenarios I made up in my head to convince me that I was practically Satan himself. It really is as simple as man loves woman, though I guess man is mentally ill and a bit venomous. We do still have to be mindful of that."

She laughed loudly, echoing across the meadow in a way that made his heart swell with her happiness. "You talk about yourself like you're a snake."

"Perhapssss." he teased, her giggles meaning everything to him.

"Of course, I love you. I've always told you so. I wouldn't lie about that."

"I know that now. I can't apologize enough for what an ass I've been towards you."

"You said ass." she laughed.

"Oh no, another Emmett." he rolled his eyes.

"No, it's not because you said ass, it's because you said ass. I've never heard you curse much."

"I was raised to not curse in front of ladies."

"That makes it even funnier when you do it."

"I'll keep that in mind." he said with a chuckle. "I think that's enough heavy conversation for today."

"I could do with more kissing."

"Me too, but-" the rest of his sentence was lost as she grabbed him and started kissing him again. "Bella." he laughed against her lips, pulling away. "At least let me take you home where it's warm."

"If vampires could blush, I think you would be."

"I would."

"I like this new, open Edward."

"I'll show you new Edward." he teased, wanting very much to change the subject before she could try to convince him to act on his urges. They weren't ready for that yet. Instead, took her in one arm, tossing everything in the basket Esme packed and carrying it in the other, and took of running through the woods, playfully scaling a tree here and there to surprise her and make her squeal with joy and slight motion sickness. He laughed loudly, occasionally growling in her ear just to watch the loving way she admired him when he let go of his worries for her. The family heard them as they got close, but all of their thoughts were amused. They had never heard, or felt in Jasper's case, him so carefree and playful. They liked this new Edward too.

Author's Note: As always, thank you for all the sweet reviews! I truly love you all in a non-creepy way lol! Hope you liked this update. I'm going to update You Are 17 this week too, June 2021.