Chapter 9

Sorry, y'all. I've had a writer's block on this story (thanks to the stupid cliffhanger in the last chapter) but I've also worked on another story. Since quizzes aren't really allowed in stories, I'll give you the movie that inspired me the last chapter...

(Drum roll)

Anchorman, pretty funny movie!

Enjoy this chapter!

"A Serpent's Intervention"

The brawl in the cave turned out to be ravage. War cries were heard, especially when John screamed like a maniac while holding the grenade in his hand. No one actually knew what they were fighting about, strangely.

A Scyther came rushing to strike a Geodude, but the rock Pokémon grabbed it with its stony hands and threw it away a long distance. The Geodude smirked at the sight, having defeated another enemy.

John held his hand grenade in his arm, still screaming. This method mostly worked, since no Pokémon dared to attack him. But eventually, he threw it away.

It was a dud.

"Aw, crap," he muttered, seeing a Clefairy attempting to smack him into unconsciousness with her staff.

'AIIYAA!' she screamed, smacking him on his head.

Farfetch'd was having a hard time dealing with two Geodudes and a Scyther. The Geodudes were armed with a chainsaw and a pool stick. He fended them off with his fake, wooden leek skilfully.

John somehow managed to rip the staff from the Clefairy's grip so he could defend himself against Brock's katana. But Brock was surprisingly good with that weapon, however.

"Give up, John, you can't defend yourself with that weak staff of yours!" Brock taunted, readying a swing of his katana. "Prepare to die, fool!"

"Uh, my name isn't fool! It's John!" he countered, smacking his staff right between Brock's sensible parts in between the legs. Brock dropped his katana and grabbed his crotch in pain, falling in a heap.

"Yeah!" cheered John, swinging his staff backwards in triumph, accidentally knocking down two Clefairies. "I rock!" In a last victory swing, he knocks down two Geodudes.

The duck was beginning to fall into trouble, the Geodudes and Scythers had teamed up against him. It became harder to fend them off. But a Geodude managed to sneak behind him and grab both his wings, holding them behind his back.

'My little duck friend,' the Scyther started, grinning maliciously. 'Only you can end this, give me your leek and we'll leave you alone… for a while.'

'A leek?' Farfetch'd first asked, wondering if that was some kind of a sick joke. 'A frickin' leek? Is that what this was all about?'

The Scyther nodded. 'So will you give it to me? And spare future trouble?'

'No!'

'WHAT?' the Scyther barked, closing in to the duck. 'It's either you, or the leek, duckie. The Clefairies have been scared off now, so it's just you and me. And the leek, of course.'

'Okay, youcanhaveit,' Farfetch'd said very quickly as the Scyther snapped it from him. The mantis held the leek in its mouth and examined its taste.

Suddenly, it spat it out, snarling.

'It's a fake! You had a real one before you entered this cave!' It leaned closer, smirking. 'I assure you, no leek, no living.' It licked its fangs.

'The human has it!' said the duck, letting the trouble on John immediately.

The Scyther turned around just in time to get a staff smacked on its head. It fell down on the ground and John smacked the Geodudes.

"Wait a minute… wasn't it supposed to be the other way around?" he mused. "Oh, what's that?" He bent down, and a Scyther miraculously swooped directly over him, flying into the wall. What John found was the hand grenade that didn't work.

"Now I know it didn't work! I forgot to pull off the safety pin!" he exclaimed jollily and pulled it off with his mouth, spitting out the pin. Every Pokémon in the vicinity went pale (don't ask me how or why, since they don't have any skin like humans).

"John, for the love of Lugia!"

"Love of Luigi? What are you talking about Farfetch'd?" he asked stupidly, holding the grenade. And of course, he lets go of the safety trigger.

Farfetch'd ran up to John and snatched the grenade from his hands. The duck threw it away and waited for the explosion. John plugged his ears with his fingers

KA-BOOM!

It was a loud bang, but it didn't cause any rockslides though. But it made John's ears ring a little afterwards. After unplugging his ears John looked around, picking up his staff. Brock suddenly attacked him from behind, but John just turned around, accidentally smacking Brock in his crotch again.

"Ooohh… that's it! I'm outta here!" he whined, and left the cave.

"I think we should get going too, Farfetch'd," said John, and turned to leave. But a Scyther stepped in front of him.

'Not so fast!'

"Uhh, what did it say?" he asked.

"It said it would slice both your arms off and eat your heart for causing that ear damage to it," the duck said.

John readied his staff (he seemed to like it, even though he stole it from that Clefairy.). "Hell no!" He swatted the mantis on the head with his staff, knocking it down. But by doing so, two more Scythers and three Geodudes surrounded him and Farfetch'd.

"Nice going, John," he muttered, rolling his eyes. He jumped up and grabbed his collar. "Listen, those Scythers want my leek, you're not giving them that leek or I'll make sure you only have one eye when we exit this cave, got it?" he whispered. He then jumped down from his chest, facing the surrounding enemies.

The Scyther John knocked down earlier closed in to him, eyeing him nastily. Suddenly, it sliced John's staff into four pieces. He looked at the remaining piece he held and shrugged, throwing it over his shoulder.

The Scyther advanced even more, sniffing him. First he was dumbfounded, but realized that the mantis searched for the leek. He pushed it away and backed off. The Scyther snarled and swatted at him. He didn't scream like an idiot this time, he was too stupid to feel any pain at the moment. It resumed to the searching of the leek, and sniffed sharper in a pocket where it was hidden.

"No, stupid Scyther, stay away. Shoo!" he whined, trying to back off. But he stopped when he felt to pointy objects on his back. He slowly looked over his shoulder to see another Scyther standing wit its weapons pointing at him.

But then, all of a sudden, a rumble was heard.

The Geodudes immediately escaped, rolling away at the instant. So now there were only the Scythers, John and Farfetch'd. The Scythers looked around suspiciously at first, and then returned their attention to the two. The same Scyther pinned John up against the wall, searching for the leek again. Two other Scythers kept a keen eye on Farfetch'd, making sure he wouldn't try anything.

The rumble was heard again. This time the Scythers seemed worried. The one who searched John let him go, looking around nervously.

Then all of a sudden.

An angry looking Onix came crashing out of the ground, roaring angrily.

Farfetch'd cowered into a ball, and two Scythers hugged themselves in fright. Strangely enough, John and the Scyther that had him pinned hugged each other as well in fright, screaming.

Soon after they realized what they did, they screamed in each other's face and shoved each other away. John stared at the Onix, his whole body trembling in fright.

'WHO WOKE ME UP FROM MY SLUMBER?' it roared, making everybody jump in fright. All of the Scythers pointed at John, who felt exposed. But John also noticed that Farfetch'd was pointing at him.

"You snitch!" he accused, glaring at Farfetch'd. But then looked at the pissed Onix. "Ehh, eh, he did it!" he exclaimed, pointing at a wall randomly, whistling innocently.

The rock snake charged at him and coiled its rocky body around him, keeping a tight grip. It raised his body so he closed into its face. He gulped.

'HOW DARE YOU TO WAKE ME UP AT A TIME LIKE THIS?' it bellowed. John tried to figure out what it said.

"Y-you want this leek too?" he asked, unable to move his arms. The Onix roared lightly at him, as if giving him a warning. "Please, let me go, and I'll never bother you again. I promise!"

The rock snake regarded him for a while, tightening and loosening its grip during the time. But suddenly it let him go.

Unfortunately he landed face first on the rocky ground, causing a nosebleed.

"AAAAHHH, MY NOSE! EEEEHH!" he screamed, running around.

The Onix seemed quite amused, but groaned due to a headache, which must've been the cause of the temper. It turned to the group of Scythers, and roared.

'AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? ARE YOU NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN YOUR TURF?' All of the Scythers backed off. Due to their double weakness to the rock type they were scared.

John and Farfetch'd seized the opportunity to run away. The Onix glanced at them and shrugged, not wanting to bother them anymore. But the Scyther looked exasperated as their victims escaped them.

'NOW, MY FELLOW BUGS,' the Onix started, keeping a bright glare at the mantises. 'YOU HAVE A LOT OF EXPLAINING TO DO, AND YOU BETTER KEEP IT STRAIGHTFORWARD BECAUSE I HAVE A MIGHTY HEADACHE!'

The leader of the groups stepped forward trembling. 'Well, great Onix, we are very sorry over that we disturbed your sleep, but we think how to fix that headache of yours.'

'HOW?' the Onix questioned, lowering its face to the Scyther's level. The Scyther backed off a little, trying to stay solemn.

'Nothing solves a headache like a good old leek smoke!' it exclaimed in a salesman voice. It picked up a handful (or scytheful) of leeks.

'IF YOU SAY SO, BUT IT'LL TAKE MORE THAN ONE!'

John and Farfetch'd had stopped running, trying to catch their breath.

"Whew, it isn't following us, Farfetch'd," said John, looking behind him.

"Of course not! We're too Fetch to become Onix lunch, John. Now gimme my leek!" The duck extended his wing, wanting to get his leek. John dug through his pocket, searching for the leek.

"Uhh, I can't find it, Farfetch'd," he said awkwardly.

"That's because you're not digging your hand in your pocket, dumbass! You're digging in your fly, which in this case is OPEN! GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!" the duck quacked, his feathers flying about due to the fit he was thrown into.

"D'oh! Here you are!" he handed over the leek to the duck, who gladly accepted it.

"Thanks, it feels Fetch to have my Fetch leek in my hands! Oh, there's the exit!"

"At last, I've had it with Mt Spoon, eh Moon!" John exclaimed happily, trotting his way out.

But little did he know that a very large figure had been waiting for him outside.

"AT LAST YOU'RE HERE, INFIDEL! HOW DARE YOU TO MISUSE MY NAME?"

To be contained… err… continued…

John: Jeez! Not another cliffhanger!

Farfetch'd: They're not Fetch at all!

Ka-Boom: (Explodes)

A/N

Sorry for the long wait, but I've been busy with my other story. I hoped you liked this chapter though… But I think I'm losing the humour… meh…