Author's Note: I'm still so touched by all of your reviews. A quick note, C-PTSD is a fairly new diagnosis and not all counselors, therapists, etc. are familiar with it or trained in it. It may take a little research on your own to find someone who is if you believe you or a loved one has it. Educating people about C-PTSD is one of my passions. Some studies estimate as many as 50% of Americans are living with it. The most prominent symptom that really defines it for most people are the emotional flashbacks, when something happens that makes us feel as if we were still experiencing the traumatic event, though we may never lose awareness of where we are or what we are doing while experiencing the flashback.

As an example, in response to one of the reviews, a child thinking that you're going to hit them even though you never have but someone else did could be a symptom, but I'm not a medical professional. I don't want to assume any kind of diagnosis for anyone, but just to encourage you to do your own research. For me, I grew up knowing that if someone was slamming cabinets in the kitchen, screaming would probably start shortly after and it was best to stay hidden and quiet. Thus, even as an adult in my own house, if someone slams a cabinet, I kind of panic for a split second just remembering that before I snap out of it. I hope that's helpful.

Let's see how Bella's first session with Dr. Jasper goes! I'm publishing this kind of late at night, so apologies if I missed any typos or anything.

Jasper was both anxious and excited for his first official session with Bella, though Alice assured and re-assured him that everything would go well. He considered borrowing Carlisle's office, but decided it would be too formal and might make her uncomfortable, especially if she were to look too closely at some of the gruesome paintings higher up on the wall. He thought about Edward's room, but didn't want Bella to have negative associations with it if they breached any difficult topics.

Esme came to his rescue, turning an unused section of the attic into a lounge area practically overnight. She included plenty of soft chairs and bean bags, gentle lights and even some colorful abstract art to make the space feel more open and relaxing. Her finishing touches the day of were a wax warmer with a selection of soothing scents that didn't bother the vampires in the house, warm colored throw blankets and a small electric kettle and mugs for making tea or hot chocolate, which there was also a selection of. She was always one to overdo things, but in the gentle, loving way. A type of motherly loved that it seemed Bella could use more of.

Bella was nervous when she entered the house holding hands with Edward, unsure what to expect of their first session. While grateful for Jasper's help, she feared pocket watches and hypnotism, ink blots and them laughing at her weird interpretations, perhaps even sitting in awkward silence, unsure where to start or if talking would even help.

Jasper used his gift to calm her nerves for the time being but had decided not to do so during their session so that she could truly process the things they talked about. He would only intervene if she started to panic or hyperventilate. He applied the same rule to Edward should he choose to speak, only using it to help dull his anger if needed so as not to frighten the human, or his panic if it got to be too much.

Edward led her upstairs, seeing the space for the first time himself as well. He smiled at his brother and led her to a pair of large, overstuffed bean bags so they could sit side by side and he could easily pull her into his lap if she got too upset or anxious. He scooted his as close to her as possible and kept his careful hold on one of her hands.

Bella was already crying as she looked around the space.

"What's the matter?" Jasper asked, moving to sit across from her but careful not to be close enough to make her uncomfortable.

She was quiet for a minute but knew that not talking wasn't going to do anyone any good. She trusted Jasper, but it was hard to believe that the family wasn't going to judge her for her human failings, though deep down she knew they wouldn't. She decided to focus her attention on Edward and Jasper alone and try talking about it, not worrying about the others. After all, Alice loved her just as much as Edward. And Edward already knew everything, or at least the important parts.

"You're feeling shame." Jasper said quietly, hoping to encourage the conversation to start.

"Yeah." she agreed. "This is so beautiful. I feel bad that you all are going through all of this trouble for me."

"Esme wanted to." Edward said.

"Why do you feel ashamed?" Jasper asked her, encouraging Edward with his thoughts to try to stay quiet and see how much they could get Bella to say, though he didn't mean it rudely. His brother knew that.

"When people do things for me, I feel…like I won't be able to pay them back."

"Would you feel the same amount of guilt if I say let you borrow a pencil at school?" Jasper asked.

"No, because I could do the same for you."

"What about if I took you out to dinner?"

"Maybe a little, but more so because I know you don't eat."

"Alright, so small gestures are alright."

"Mostly."

"What is it about this room in particular then? I can assure you it didn't cost Esme much. A lot of this she made herself."

"The time she put into it. The care. The attention to every little detail. The dedication."

"Do you like the space?"

"It's lovely. She did amazing."

"I know you really mean that." he assured her.

"I do."

"She is pleased that you like it." he decided to let her in on that small detail in hopes it would help her relax. "Has anyone ever done anything like this for you before?"

"No. Well when I moved to Forks Charlie did buy a new bed for me…and the truck."

"The bed we can agree was a necessity?"

"Yeah."

"How did you feel about the truck?"

"Really grateful. It meant I could save the money I had saved up for a car for my college fund and that I wouldn't have to ride to school with him in the cruiser."

"Did you feel guilty about it?"

"A little because I knew he couldn't really afford it. But he said Billy gave him a good deal on it and I believe that, so really I just tried to thank him and take over some stuff around the house for him as my way of returning the favor."

"Has anyone else ever done anything like that for you?"

"My mom…. she raised me I guess."

"True. But we can say that she did what she was legally and morally required to. But did she ever dedicate a lot of time to your interests or needs or do anything that stands out in particular?"

"She always put me in classes. Dance, modern art, one time we took a few Spanish classes together."

"Were those your interests?"

"No."

"What were your interests?"

"Reading. Discovering new music….I don't know." she said, never having been one for hobbies or activities really. And definitely not sports.

"I understand that you had to do a lot of taking care of your mom. I bet you didn't have a lot of free time after doing your homework and making dinner and paying the bills and everything, did you?"

"Not really." she said.

Edward looked unfocused at one of the paintings, his heart breaking for Bella all over again as he heard how little time she had spent enjoying her own life. On the one hand, it was another reason he regretted how much she wanted him to change her and take that life from her. On the other hand, he realized that changing her would be giving her an eternity of love and free time with him. He couldn't find anything wrong with that.

"Is there anything you would like to try that you haven't gotten a chance to yet?"

"I'm not really sure." Bella answered. "I've never given it much thought. I'm awful at a lot of things. I can't do crafts or sports or anything."

"You know, everyone starts off being bad at things. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar. It takes practice and repetition."

"I suppose so."

Jasper turned on Edward. "How many years of piano lessons did you take?"

"At least ten years as a human. My parents wanted me to start them when I was small. And it took me a little while after becoming a vampire to remember how. My fingers knew what to do, but my brain would work so much faster than them and I'd get all mixed up." he smiled at Bella and she smiled back, making him happy that he could get through to her even when she was worried.

"Tell Bella about your first time driving a car that you can remember."

"It was awful." he said, grinning in a way that captured all of her attention. "I still apologize to Carlisle for that occasionally."

"What happened?"

"Carlisle was so excited about his 1920 Nash Touring car. It was the nicest he ever had up to that point. I was actually really careful with it and drove it just fine, but when I got out, I forgot about my strength and accidentally ripped off the door, but then, I was frustrated with myself and turned around with the door still in my hand, unintentionally crushing the poor car beyond repair." He shook his head. Bella laughed at the mental image of a confused Edward holding a disembodied car door and accidentally swinging it around to crush the car like a soda can.

"Wow."

"Maybe you and Edward can work together on a list of things you might like to try together. It's alright if they don't all come at once." Jasper said.

"I'd like that." Edward agreed.

Bella nodded, trying but failing to come up with anything in the moment.

"That's your assignment until you're ready to talk to me again. We'll take it little by little. There's no rush."

"Jasper…will you explain more about the emotional flashback thing? Edward mentioned it, but I want to understand it better."

He hadn't wanted to push her but was thrilled that she was going to continue talking and that she seemed to be getting comfortable with him. He would gladly spend the entire evening, hell the entire year, with her if she wanted. "Alright. An emotional flashback is when something happens that makes you feel like you felt in another instance. You don't have to see or hear things to have a flashback. With C-PTSD, it's usually just feelings, but sometimes you might also remember a sound, smell or visual. Can you think of any times like that?"

"Plenty."

"Give me an example." An example immediately sprang to her mind, but she hesitated to mention it. He sensed her emotional conflict. "You don't want to tell me."

"No."

"Why?"

She shook her head.

"You think it'll upset me?" he asked.

"No."

"You think it'll upset Edward?"

"Yes."

Edward slid from his seat on the low bean bag chair to instead kneel in front of her. He let go of her hand he had been holding, instead putting both of his on the sides of her face so she would look at him. "I love you. Nothing is ever going to change that. Please, don't worry about upsetting me. I promise you I won't go anywhere and even if you asked me to leave the house to where I couldn't hear, I would come right back when you were ready. I will always come back." He kissed her gently, giving her no time to protest. She kissed him back and then nodded when he pulled back, though one tear betrayed her by falling down her cheek. He wiped it away and sat back beside her, pulling her in his lap to hold her instead. "Say what you're thinking out loud Jasper. She needs to hear it."

"He loves you so much. I have never known him to be this happy and relaxed. I love being around you two because the love you both feel…it's incredible. Each mated pair's love is so different, yet in many ways the same. Yours and Edward's is more profound. You never take each other for granted because you know what it's like to be apart. You always remember that, but in a way that makes you appreciate each other more. There's this constant…gratefulness."

"How is everyone's different?" Bella asked, curious.

"Well, while each pair feels love, let's say there's always one other emotion present too, excluding the more fleeting emotions like lust. The other is the part that changes by the couple and their needs, experiences, and personalities. For example, Alice and I usually feel peace when we're together. We feel relaxed. Content. Carlisle and Esme I would describe as admiration. They both look up to the other or feel proud of each other. Emmett and Rosalie-"

"Lust. But not fleeting." Bella said with a small smile.

"Exactly. Guess that one is kind of obvious." Jasper laughed. "He does love you. Don't ever doubt it. I wouldn't lie to you about something like that."

"I know."

"Me neither. Never again."

"I know."

"So, what was the first emotional flashback that came to your mind?"

"My birthday party. When I saw the cut from the broken glass, I felt just as scared and helpless as I did at the ballet studio, at least for a minute. Once again, I was the one bleeding and causing trouble while you all had to clean up my mess."

Edward started to interrupt, but Jasper's thoughts told him that would be a very bad idea. Let her talk. We can ask questions and try to make her feel better after but for right now, she needs to say it. I know it's hard letting her say these things but it's helping us understand how her mind works and processes information. He nodded subtly that he understood.

"Can you think of any others?"

"That night. I asked Edward to kiss me. He was being so distant and all I wanted was for things to be alright between us. But when he kissed me- "Tears formed in her eyes and Edward held her more tightly. "-I just knew it was a goodbye kiss. I could feel it. I felt like that night we had to run away from James."

"Is that when these flashbacks started?"

"No. Now that I know what they are…no."

"Can you remember any more?"

"When Edward left. When he told me-" Jasper did use his calming influence then to help her so that she could continue talking. "When he said that he didn't love me. That I wasn't good enough for him. I remembered all the times I had thought that too. That I would never be good enough for him. My thoughts were telling me that I always knew it would happen. It's what I had been expecting. But it still hurt so much. It made sense. I wasn't even surprised, but it tore me apart. When I couldn't chase after him anymore, I just fell over, and I was consumed by every single thing I had ever done wrong. By every time I wasn't enough…I hoped to just die there."

This time, Jasper had to use his influence to calm Edward, who was burying his face in Bella's long hair to calm himself with her scent. He got up and left the room for a minute to give the couple a chance to comfort each other. He knew this was important.

"I'm sorry." Bella whispered.

"Don't be. You can tell us these things."

"I don't mean to keep bringing it up. I upset you."

"I upset me." he said, wiping away her tears. "I did that to you."

"You did what you thought was best."

"I was wrong."

"You know I forgive you. We've talked about it."

"I know. And I understood it was bad when I left, but I didn't realize how much so. I really thought you'd get over me."

"Is that what you wanted?"

"Honestly, no. But it's what I thought you deserved. It would have killed me to see you with someone else but made me happy for you just the same if you had truly moved on."

"I need you. No one else. You."

"It's still hard to believe."

"Do you really think so little of yourself?"

"What?" he asked, caught off guard by the bluntness of her question.

"You still think you don't deserve me. This works both ways." she said, suddenly understanding Edward a bit better. Sure, he had said as much, but it just really made sense to her. Events and talks finally lined up in her mind and made sense to her. "You left, not just because of my safety, but because you also felt like that. Like you weren't enough. As if you could never be enough. You said you felt like you were corrupting me or hurting me just by existing."

He nodded.

"Edward…you've suffered so much. You said all those things…and you left even though it was making you miserable too…and you had to live months with that guilt…"

"It was nothing compared to what I put you through. At least I always knew how you felt about me."

"No. It sounds like you didn't have the slightest idea of how I truly felt. How could you not though with Jasper around? I know you can read his thoughts even if you can't hear mine."

"I thought it would pass. That you'd get over me. Humans fall in and out of love so easily. Even the couples everyone thinks are a constant usually have some underlying doubt, or it's all a façade."

"Not me. I love you. I really, truly love you. I don't ever want to be without you. You're everything to me."

"How?" he asked before he could think about it.

"How do you feel that way about me?" she challenged.

"I'm a murderer."

"I eat meat…sometimes."

"It's not the same."

"Isn't it?" she pressed.

"Bella…" he shook his head and rested a hand on her cheek, admiring the color of her eyes.

"No. I mean it. The why and how doesn't matter. You're mine."

He grinned at her sudden burst of confidence. His brother had nothing to do with it. "I'll remember that." he said.

"No more doubting that."

"No." he agreed. "But you can't doubt that I return those feelings either."

"I don't."

Jasper gave them a few more minutes to calm each other down before he re-entered the room. "I want to talk to you both about how processing emotions works, and then, Edward, you are going to take Bella out to dinner, and Bella, you are going to do your best to not feel bad about him spending his money on you, because he wants to. Got it?"

She nodded and smiled gently at him.

"Good. Alice tells me the two of you might start on that list during your date. Edward, why don't you try to add a few things for yourself too?"

"I've had all the free time in the world. There isn't anything I haven't done."

"You're wrong. There are plenty of things that you'd like to do with Bella. Or that you were too pretentious to try before."

"Pretentious?" Bella giggled. "Edward? Never."

Edward laughed, just glad she was comfortable enough around them to tease him. "Get on with it then. Apparently, I have a date to get ready for. I hope I don't get spinach stuck in my teeth."

"I'll be sure to order something without spinach in case you decide to sample it."

"Thank you, my love." he said, grinning and kissing her cheek.

Jasper smiled at them, loving the strong bond between them that radiated happiness outward to him. "Emotional processing is something I believe you both have to do a lot of. When you are in the constant state of anxiety, especially for years on end like you both, you don't have time to really deal with the emotions of what's going on in the moment, so the body stores those away for later. This is why you can be sitting and relaxing, perhaps suddenly think of something and then see it in a whole different light, or your whole mood might change. Processing things also isn't linear. So, you don't usually think about what happened say Monday five years ago, finish with that, then Tuesday five years ago next. The mind usually recalls things in small pieces.

This is part of why you two have spoke about Edward's leaving a few times. There's just so much for both of you to unpack and understand and address from that. It would crush you if it all hit at once, though it has happened before for you both. Instead, the mind calls up small bits of it when you feel like you can talk about it or when it relates to something you're feeling or talking about. You two may be dealing with it in little bits for years to come, but that's normal and healthy. Neither of you need feel guilty for communicating your needs and your fears to each other. And neither of you should worry about getting on the other's nerves. You won't."

"How do you know that?" Bella asked.

"Would Edward ever get on your nerves talking to you about his thoughts and feelings?"

"No."

"That's how."

Bella smiled at him, understanding. "Are we really that much alike?"

"You have no idea." Jasper grinned. "You both share the same awful taste in music."

"Ass." Edward whispered. Jasper laughed.

"We have to work on more creative insults for you." Bella said.

"Is that so? You think I might be needing them more?"

"You've had like a century to come up with better names for your brothers. Ass? Really?"

"What would you call them?"

"Hey now!" Jasper said, calling their attention back to them.

Bella giggled and Edward smiled at her, kissing her cheek. "We'll discuss it over dinner. I want to hear all of your thoughts on the matter."

"Glad to see you fit right in with the rest of us, Bella. Anyhow." He unnecessarily cleared his throat. "Now that we're starting to talk about and understand things, your thoughts and emotions may be all over the place for a while. You may suddenly feel anger about something decades in your past, well, a few years at least for you, human." he joked. "You might feel sad even when everything seems alright. It's important to not ignore those emotions but to try to really think about them and understand what they're telling you. I want you to work on that list of things you'd like to do and try together. I think that will give you both something fun to look forward to. But also, it might help to start making a list of your triggers too, or things that seem to affect you negatively, such as loud noises."

"Going into the forest without Edward." she added. Jasper nodded.

"Bella being at risk of getting hurt." Edward added for his own list.

"Forgetting things." Bella added for hers.

"Being reminded of my thirst and how easy it would be to go back to our natural ways. I don't ever want to do that again."

"Driving in the snow."

"Driving in the snow?" Edward asked.

"Reminds me of Tyler trying to kill me."

"That wasn't your driving though. You were parked."

"Still."

"Makes sense." he agreed.

"Anything else for you, Edward?" Jasper asked.

"I can't think of anything right now."

"Bella?"

"Shouting. Feeling like I've failed people. Getting gifts."

"Getting gifts?" Edward asked.

"My mom…there was always the expectation that I would be really excited about anything she got me because she would have worked so hard to earn the money for it and to pick it out and wrap it and…it just makes me uncomfortable to get gifts. I always felt like they were a burden and not…. well…a gift. I didn't like pretending. But she would get upset if I just said I liked something or thanked her. Like I was being ungrateful because I wasn't acting over the top like she does."

"And we threw you a whole party that you didn't want." Jasper said, shaking his head.

"You guys didn't know that."

"No, but still. We should have respected your wishes. We have things to work on too."

"I don't want you all to change for me."

"Not to change." Jasper said. "To stop treating you as a human that doesn't know what's best just because you're young and, well…human, and to treat you as an equal member of this family. Please believe me that we always meant well though. And Edward, to stop acting like it's difficult to reason with you sometimes and instead to try to truly understand you. We had no idea…All these years…All the nasty things I've thought about you."

"I've deserved them."

"No. You haven't."

"I've always known you love me like a brother."

"I do."

"You've always respected me."

"I have. But still, I never considered that there were so many underlying factors and experiences that go into your way of thinking. I thought you were just being difficult. Stubborn. I didn't know to make the connections between your thoughts and your actions like this. I think we all have a lot to learn about our emotions and our pasts, to be honest."

"I think so." Edward said, thinking about how many members of his family likely held traumas. He knew they thought about certain events often. He had to suppress a laugh, wondering if Emmett wasn't the most mentally healthy out of all of them. The only trauma he could really remember was the bear that killed him, and he always looked at that with amusement, especially once he mated with Rosalie. He loved her so much. He had taken to the change in his life more readily than any of them.

"Care to tell me what you find funny?"

"No." Edward said. "He'd never let me live it down." Jasper followed his line of thinking though, immediately picturing Emmett and then the bear. Edward nodded. Jasper smiled.

"Your silent conversations are so creepy."

"I'm sorry, love. I promise to tell you over dinner. Where would you like me to take you?"

Bella hesitated. Edward admired her, caressing her face, yet she still felt a little guilty that he was going to spend his money on her. She took a deliberate breath and tried to do as Jasper asked, not feeling guilty. "I think there's a new Mexican restaurant in Port Angeles. I know Charlie said to have me home before dark, but as fast as you drive…"

"Mexican it is." he smiled. "I'm going to go get dressed." He kissed her cheek and sat her down, leaving the room so that she was alone with Jasper.

"Alice sat an outfit on Edward's bed for you too. She said it would match him."

"Jasper, thank you for everything. You didn't have to do this for us. But you have no idea…well, I'm sure you have some idea since you can sense our feelings, how much it's helped so far."

"It means the world to me to be able to do this for you. I'm learning a lot about Edward and the rest of the family as well. Hell, even myself."

"Yourself too?"

"Yeah, remind me to tell you about my change some time in more detail."

"I will."

He smiled at her and stood up. She left the room to get ready for dinner. Alice came upstairs to congratulate him on a job well done.

"You worried for nothing."

"I did. That went great."

"It did. Ready to celebrate?" she asked. He linked his fingers with hers and they ran out of the house and into the woods.