Chapter 10
Well, hi folks! It's time for a new chapter here, yeah.
Uh, Farfetch'd, what are you doing here?
Farfetch'd: I think I heard someone use my word Fetch! I must take care of that person quickly!
Me: Uhh, yeah, you can do that later… you have a story to star in!
"Odd Meetings"
John looked terrified at the direction where the voice had come from. He looked at a huge draconic creature whose body was covered in pale blue feathers. It stood on its powerful legs and had its, hand like feathers in a wingspan of five or six metres outstretched. It arched its long neck to look John in his eyes with its own eyes. Behind each eye was a black strip that ended in a spike. He knew what Pokémon that was…
Lugia, the God of the seas.
But what was the creature doing here anyway, outside of Mt Moon? Shouldn't this legendary Pokémon reside in the open seas?
He tried walking slowly backwards.
"AHEM!" it bellowed, seeing John's attempt to walk away. "You didn't answer my question, how dare you misuse my name?" it asked, narrowing its eyes.
"Eh, I have never misused your name, oh great Lugia of the seas," said John, scared so much he almost had pissed his pants.
Lugia remained silent for a while, tilting its head. "LIAR!" it roared. The force of the voice sent John tumbling off his feet.
"Heh, do you know you'd make a good opera singer with a voice like that?" he said stupidly. Farfetch'd fell down animé style.
"Eh?" said Lugia, wondering what the heck the human was saying.
"You know, for instance: The phantooooom of the opera is heeere, inside your miiind!" he sang, much out of tune though. He looked at Farfetch'd proudly, drumming his chest. But the poor duck seemed to be in pain.
"I like the hang of it, human. Let me try, ahem," it said, taking a deep breath.
"For the love of all Fetch, John, recall me! Recall me, recall me, recall me!" Farfetch'd pleaded. John shrugged and did that, recalling the duck Pokémon in his pokéball.
"THE PHANTO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-M OF THE OPERA IS HE-E-E-RE, INSIDE YOUR MI-I-I-I-ND!" Lugia sang out loudly. The voice was so loud that John felt his whole body vibrate violently. Even the small stones on the ground danced on the rocky ground due to Lugia's powerful voice. John's eardrums would have exploded if it wasn't for him being an idiot.
"So, how was it?" asked the legendary Pokémon, probably expecting some positive feedback.
"It was-" started John, but Farfetch'd popped out of his pokéball.
"It was horrible! You could wake the dead with a voice like that! Phooey!" spat the duck rudely, pointing his leek at the legendary.
Lugia jerked its head to look at the duck furiously. "HOW DARE YOU INSULTING THE GUARDIAN OF THE SEAS!" it bellowed in Farfetch'd's face. The duck got wide-eyed and fell down to the ground.
"Back to where I originally was," said Lugia, turning to John sternly. "When you were in the cave, you said my name was Luigi! My name is Lugia, you infidel!"
"P-please, oh mighty Lui-Lugia," John pleaded, getting to his knees and prays. "I didn't mean it, I respect you very much and we praise you in my family and-"
"Enough, human, you're forgiven…" said Lugia calmly, turning away to look at the cloud free sky.
"Thank you, thank you! I am eternally grateful for this mercy, oh mighty Lufia," thanked John, still on his knees.
But Lugia went wide eyed, and slowly turned to John, who suddenly shivered in fright of what he suddenly had said.
"What?" said Lugia, "Lufia?"
"The game? I swear, I did not say that! I promise!" But Lugia growled mercilessly, preparing an Aeroblast attack.
But suddenly, a figure leapt down and landed between the two.
"Stop it!" he said. The figure turned out to be…
Dun, dun, duuun!
The Author! Me, duh!
"I am terribly sorry for this situation, Lugia, but it's my fault he said Lufia!" I excused.
"Explain yourself!" demanded Lugia, looming over me dangerously.
"I slipped on the keyboard, you see, the G key is next to the F key and-"
An Aeroblast attack from Lugia struck me and sent me flying against a rock wall. But being the author and self-insert, I could not be killed… in the story of course!
"Meh, I hope I cleared up a thing or two. Bye, bye!" With that, I wrote myself out of the story and let it continue.
"Stupid humans," muttered Lugia. "I will depart now, and you will not see me anymore in your life, human." But Lugia than sniffed the air, sensing something.
Suddenly, a lot of white smoke erupted from the exit of the cave John had been in. Three things…
Onix. Scythers. A lot of leeks.
But Lugia was sniffing at John curiously, yet disgusted in some way. And then it hopped back quickly.
"By golly, human, you smell really bad!" scolded Lugia, waving its wing to blow the stench away.
"What, me?" John didn't have a clue of what Lugia was talking about.
"What did you do, eh? Did you rub in Growlithe poop in your armpits or what?" it asked, trying to plug its muzzle.
"I don't see what you mean-"
"A WARNING TO THE CITIES IN THE VICINITY, JOHN SEAN FULLERBY SMELLS LIKE CRAP!" Lugia announced very loudly.
"But you don't have to yell out so everybody knows!" complained John.
"I got something for you!" Lugia cleared its throat very loudly, faking a spit on its wing. "PITCH!" it shouted at him and threw nothing at John, but he flinched anyway. "Strike one, disgusting human!"
"And I who used to worship that one," mumbled Farfetch'd, sighing and shaking his head.
"When was the last time you took a shower, hmm?" asked Lugia, keeping a stern look at John.
"I… I don't freaking know!"
"Watch your language!"
"I've never taken a shower during my whole journey, yuck! Author! Why didn't you write that I'd take at least one shower during all this?"
Not feeling like hopping into the story one more time, a note dropped from the sky. John picked it up and read it.
"Dear John
The main reason why you haven't taken any showers is because that is sometimes very irrelevant to the story. Most authors skip those types of scenes because they know that the reader will know that the main character does take shower at least once every time they reach a PokéCentre.
I you intend to get angry now, John, I must remind you that I saved you from Lugia's mighty attack Aeroblast, so please no yelling at me!
Sincerely yours,
EkaSwede.
P.S. This note will self-destruct five seconds after you've read this."
John sighed and pocketed the note, not having read the last sentence.
"I'll be off now, since I have no further business with you… John!" With that, Lugia flapped its huge wings and took off in a couple of seconds. Five seconds after, it was gone… and the note exploded in John's pants.
"AAAHH! I'M ON FIRE, EEEOOOWW!"
Farfetch'd laughed at his trainer. "Haha, liar, liar pants on fire! Haha! I heard dynamite is good for putting out fire, it's so Fetch!" The duck picked up Voltorb's pokéball and hurled it towards the burning John. "Voltorb, do your Fetch Explode attack!"
Amazingly, Voltorb did what Farfetch'd said, despite the duck not being its trainer. It rolled up to John and exploded, sending the poor boy against he wall. Fortunately though, the fire was gone thanks to the force of the blast.
He slid down the wall and dropped his backpack. A familiar purple pokéball rolled out. Farfetch'd waddled up and examined it. "John," he said tensely, trembling in his whole body in exasperation. "Is this what I think it is?"
"The Master Ball?" said John obliviously, as if it was a regular pokéball.
"You idiot! Do you realize what opportunity you had? You could've caught Lugia! But all you did was standing there and smelled like shit! Far, fetch'd ferfe farfetch'd faar!" he ended in a series of swear words.
"Anyway," said John, not having listened, "let's continue on!" he jumped up to his feet, starting to walk happily. Voltorb rolled after and Farfetch'd waddled after his trainer, still holding the Master Ball with his wing.
But John noticed one person was exiting the caves of Mt Moon.
"Oh, it's her again…" he muttered.
"You know her?" asked Farfetch'd, amazed that his trainer remembered something.
"Yeah, I met her in Chapter 5: The Rockin' Battle and Smokin' News!" Farfetch'd rolled his eyes. "Hey, are you okay?" called John.
"No, the entire cave is almost filled with leek smoke! (cough), and I met those weird Scythers and a huge Onix that smoked five leeks at once. They didn't notice me, but I had to get out before the effects got to me."
"Oh, man… do you need a hand?" offered John. But the girl drew her pink umbrella in self-defence.
"I need no help from you, you jerk! I'd rather kiss a Lickitung than accepting help from you!"
But when she said that, a pinkish Pokémon appeared from the cave, looking at the girl happily. It resembled a pink Charmander, but with dots for eyes, and had yellow crescent marks on its chest. But most importantly, it had a huge pink tongue that hung out from its mouth.
"Licki!" it said happily, running towards the girl.
"No, no, no! Get away from me. AAAHH, I didn't mean it that much! It was a frickin' METAPHOOOoooor" She ran at turbo speed from John, being chased by a kiss-happy Lickitung.
"Uhh, Farfetch'd, should we help her?"
They both looked at each other, and then grimaced.
"NAAAAH!" they both shouted.
"A wise decision!" beeped the Pokédex, the voice was slightly muffled due to it being in John's pocket. "Serves her right for her Pokédex turning me down, hahaha!"
"Who gave you the right to speak? You're not a Fetch Pokédex, so stay silent!" said Farfetch'd and smacked the Pokédex with his leek, which was on John's leg.
"Ouch! Evil Pokédex!"
"So it's my fault that your psycho duck hits you? I have never experienced such a rude attitude in my entire life, I will go to the government with this! This form of behaviour is the most, blahblahblah yadda yadday, blahbal…" The machine went on endlessly. But John ignored it and walked happily to Cerulean, which wasn't far away.
Will John get his next badge in the water gym of Cerulean? Will he catch a new Pokémon? Will the girl escape the kiss-happy Lickitung? Will the leek smoking Scythers ever stop smoking?
Find out in the next chapter of UNFORTUNATE IDIO… cough, I'm not good at announcing screams… darn….
To be continuously odd… err… continued…
A/N
To those who expected to see a John clone… I am terribly sorry, but maybe later… when a new plot forms! Mwahaha… cough… I suck at evil laughs!