Author's Note: I can't believe I missed posting for Edward's birthday this week! I totally would have posted some special smut or something, but my days got away from me. Hope you enjoy this chapter! The reviews asking when it was coming out made me smile.

"Who are you?! What the fuck?!" The man shouted as the creature bared all of its teeth and pounced, sinking them into his flesh. It was an object of nightmares that came out of nowhere. A rabid kid. One minute, he was stalking a sassy blonde bombshell and getting ready to pull her into the alley for some personal enjoyment, the next this…creature…was growling at him! He can't have been much older than sixteen, if that. His eyes were a bright red, glowing like those of a cat in the night.

As for the kid, the warm blood soothed his burning throat and made him feel more alive than he ever had when drinking animals. The man kicked and tried to fight the teen off, but it was no use. His shouting and struggling turned to silent crying as the remaining blood flowed out of his body. His thoughts stayed just as disgusting right up until his death, regretting that he hadn't caught the woman before something caught him. She looked like so much fun! He hated that he had missed that particular opportunity…and those heartbreaking, painfully arousing curves…

Edward discarded the empty carcass where someone would find it and assume he died of a heart attack or something normal. They would never suspect him. They had probably never even seen him as he stalked quietly through the night.

Despite the glory of his conquest and the new strength in his body from human blood, guilt immediately consumed Edward. He tried to remind myself that the man was a criminal, the worst of the worst at that, but it was no good. Who was I to judge him? he thought.

The man's screams almost never left his mind, although it had been decades. They haunted many of his most peaceful moments. Though it wasn't his first kill by far, for some reason this one had stuck with him. Perhaps because in the end, many had begged for forgiveness, prayed, or thought of loved ones they were leaving behind. But not this one. This was perhaps the first time Edward had really, truly met a monster. He wasn't sure if it was the monster of a man he had killed, or perhaps the monster inside himself who was glad the man was dead and rather enjoyed the taste of his blood and the strength it gave him.

Bella slept soundly with Edward by her side. There were no nightmares or panic. She barely even tossed or turned, sleeping peacefully with at least one of her hands always touching him even if only to lay over top of where his hand rested on her. It was Edward struggling to find rest that evening. Vampires didn't sleep, but sometimes they too needed to lay quietly and reflect. It was more for their minds than their bodies. He tried to make time for rest at least every few days, and especially when he spent evenings with Bella.

With her beside him, he usually could calm himself by breathing in her scent or focusing on her beating heart, but not tonight. Tonight, he looked upon the face of his angel with his eyes but the visions of men he had murdered stared back at him in perfect clarity, not a single detail forgotten. He could hear their screams, sobbing, or total silence as he pounced and drained them dry. He remembered their final words as they begged for mercy and their thoughts as they realized death was near. He saw the faces of their loved ones flashing through their minds, recalled in the hauntingly perfect vampire clarity. While he only drank from criminals, he also had to live with the guilt of taking away fathers, husbands, and sons from those who had no idea of the dead's inner demons.

Though he tried to admire Bella beside him, his mind wouldn't stop conjuring the men who haunted him. He willed them to go away. They did. But then, Bella screamed, gripping his heart with pure terror.

He jumped and wrapped his arms around her, holding her as close to him as possible while he analyzed the threat and tried to find its source, except she hadn't really screamed. She hadn't even begun to stir.

He realized in a split second that it was another memory, only this one felt more real if just for a moment. He never forgot that he was in her bedroom, never hallucinated or actively thought of the event, but he heard her screaming as the venom from James' bite was starting to take hold of her arm. It chilled him and instantly transported his emotions back to that day.

He was helpless, lost, and terrified all the way through. He loosened his grip and sobbed tearlessly, as quietly as possible so as not to wake her. He debated hopping outside to calm down, but her presence anchored him in place. He needed her. Her beating heart was the only thing separating him from at least a few minutes of complete insanity.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed when a warm hand brushed across his jaw. A soft kiss to his forehead followed. He opened his eyes to the depths of hers, full of concern. Touch was what he needed more than anything, so he kissed her and tightened his arms around her again, though not enough to hurt her. He could never hurt her, though he had unintentionally done so many times. A painful thought that almost never left him.

Bella was always happy to kiss Edward, but something was wrong. Even without his sobbing, she could see it in his expression and feel the tension in his body. She caressed his face as they kissed and scooted as close to him as possible in the small bed, using her other hand to rub his back soothingly.

"I'm sorry for waking you." he said in a shaky whisper.

"I'm not sorry you did. What's the matter?"

He shook his head and rested it against her. "I don't want to burden you with it."

"Something is bothering you though."

"Yes."

"Did I do something?"

"No. You could never." he said, hating how her first thought was that she had somehow done something wrong. Her soul was one of the purest he had ever met. She could never do anything wrong enough to cause this sort of reaction in him, at least not unless she were somehow harmed.

"Would you feel better if we talked about it even though you don't want to?"

"Perhaps." he said, but he didn't want to taint her pure thoughts with such things.

"I won't make you." she said, not wanting him to feel forced. She continued to caress his cheek. He leaned into her hand, smiling a little despite the unpleasant memories haunting him that evening.

"You need your rest."

"I'll take a nap during math class." she insisted.

"And if you fail?"

"I guess I'll need private tutoring then. I think you would be excellent at that."

"No." he laughed a little despite himself. "I would be terrible at it. I would not be able to stop distracting you. Or being distracted by you. We would never get anywhere."

"Oh yeah. That's why I don't ask you to help me with my homework more often. I remember now." She smiled gently at him. "We tried that before. We both nearly failed, didn't we? Well, I guess not you and your perfect recall."

"My silly human and her poor memory. What would I ever do without her?"

"Cry." she said, and he had to close his eyes and count to not crack up laughing at the adorable look on her face. Her bluntness caught him off guard. How did she always know what he needed most?

"You're not wrong." he agreed. "I did do a lot of that. At least, as much as possible for an immortal."

They fell quiet for a few minutes, holding each other. She broke their silence first. "Edward, can I talk to you about something?

"Always, love."

"I love how much you love me, but I wonder if you put me on too high of a pedestal sometimes." He opened his eyes to look at her, confused yet again by the workings of her mind. Where on Earth was this coming from? "You say that I'm everything to you. And I believe that because I feel the same way as you. And I love it. And I love you. But I'm not perfect. I've made mistakes too, you know. I don't want you to ever be afraid to talk to me or think I'm going to judge you because I've done things I regret myself."

"You're only human." he said, immediately regretting it.

"Not that. We aren't talking about me stumbling up the stairs or something. That's only human. I have bad thoughts sometimes too."

"But you've never acted on them. You haven't killed anyone." he said, and she immediately understood at least part of the evening's distress.

"No, but I've wanted to. I've wanted to hurt people. And I have eaten meat. Isn't that comparable?"

"Not to human life." Edward said sadly. He had considered that thought before too but it just wasn't the same.

"Animals have feelings. Families."

"You've never stolen."

"Haven't I? Besides, have you ever if it wasn't for a good reason?"

"No." he admitted. Usually when he had to steal something, it wasn't a matter of money. It was a matter of life or death. He thought back to the cars he had stolen in a mad race to save her in Phoenix.

"I've coveted. I've been very rude to my father and disobeyed him."

"We aren't talking in biblical terms."

"No? We're past that? Good. But I'm not perfect. That's my point. I make mistakes too. I think things I know I shouldn't. I've hurt people too. And I don't want you to think of me as something or someone you can never live up to or deserve. I'm Bella. Just Bella. And it's alright to tell me what's on your mind if you want to, of course. I know a lot of memories still haunt you."

"You can never be just Bella." he said, ignoring the later half of her statement at first.

"My point is that we're both flawed. I'm working on not being ashamed of my issues. You shouldn't be either."

He nodded and kissed her forehead. "You may not be perfect, but you're perfect to me." He paused but decided the only way to get her to be open with him when needed was to be open with her as well. "I believe I was having a flashback. I think I've had them for a long time and thought it was just the strength of vampire memories but thinking back to what I hear in my family's minds, I suppose it isn't normal. Their memories usually aren't quite as intense. I thought it was just me due to the mind reading thing or something, but I don't believe it is."

"What was the flashback of?" she asked, curious what would bother him on a peaceful night like this.

He hesitated again but remembered that they had both promised to be completely honest. Perhaps working towards healing his own wounds would help hers as well, though he would spare her most of the gory details. "Killing a man. I was remembering it in perfect clarity, though mostly his thoughts more than anything. Then, the reason I so rudely accidentally woke you up is because I thought you screamed but then realized that it was my mind replaying how you sounded when you were burning from James' venom after he bit you. It crushed me all over again." He hid his face against her shoulder, breathing in her scent in an attempt to calm himself. She ran her fingers through his hair. "Jasper said that usually one negative remembering will remind you of more because of how emotionally charged the memory was. They sort of connect together in your mind and sometimes it's hard to snap out of them."

"It's alright. We're both safe now." she said quietly as she held him against her.

"I felt so helpless. Even with what little I could do, there was the risk of me killing you myself. Not only that, but you were hurt because of me. Not just because I took you to play baseball with the family, but because I so viciously protected you. I saw in his thoughts he wouldn't have been that interested in you if I hadn't defended you so passionately. If we had just said we were saving you for later. A snack. Or keeping you to play with. And then, the only reason he even got close to you is because I foolishly sent you with Alice and Jasper against my better judgement instead of taking you away somewhere with just the two of us. Then, it was my fault yet again because Alice met us at the airport instead of just watching you in place. I just kept letting you down and almost losing you. I can't lose you." he sobbed against her. "The second remembering was shorter, yet way worse than the first."

"I'm the one that ran away from Alice and Jasper. That isn't their fault. I deliberately tricked them. And would you have honestly been able to live with yourself if you hadn't tried to defend me from James at the baseball game? What if he had touched me? Gotten close enough to bite? You never would have been alright with that outcome either."

"No." he admitted.

"That was one of the most terrifying days of our lives. It's going to take us a long time to get past that. We almost lost each other."

"I can't ever lose you."

"You won't. Especially not now that you've agreed to change me." she said.

"I hate to remind you of it."

"I have flashbacks too." she said. He always thought she had gotten over everything she had gone through way too quickly, but perhaps she really hadn't. "Not visual, but like Jasper described. I was so afraid that you were going to get hurt. Or feel guilty. The thought of you spending the rest of your life alone if I died…because I was stupid…I remember the way you screamed when you found me and saw how hurt I was. How shaky your voice sounded when you were talking with Carlisle about what to do about the venom. And when I was in the hospital and I thought you were going to leave…that's when you made up your mind to leave me, wasn't it?"

"I didn't believe there was any choice but to leave to keep you safe." he confessed.

"That whole summer we spent together. The best one of my life. You were living with the pain of knowing you had to leave." She was suddenly connecting the dots much better about all of Edward's erratic behavior since she had known him. It wasn't just his vampirism. It was his belief that he was damned and not good enough for her as well. It was his being frozen at seventeen while also never properly processing his traumas. The constant beliefs that his life wasn't deserved or worth living.

"And the pain of knowing I had lied to you so many times already promising that I wouldn't while always amending to 'I'll stay as long as it is what's best for you' in my head."

"I saw the doubt in your eyes, but I never thought it was because you were going to try to leave to protect me. I always thought it was doubt if I was good enough for you. If you really wanted to be with me."

"Never! You should never have to entertain those sorts of ideas. You are everything." he insisted, raising his head to look her in the eyes again. "You say you aren't perfect and that's fine. You don't have to be. But you are my entire world. Nothing can change that."

She believed him now and hoped it wouldn't upset him pressing him like this, but she had to know. She felt like she understood his leaving on a whole different level all of a sudden. "There's something more about that night, isn't there? Besides just being afraid you were too late. Your face says you want to tell me something, but you're scared to."

"You're sure you aren't the mind reader?"

"Positive. But I do spend a lot of time watching your mannerisms. I can usually tell when you're hesitating or hiding something." she said. "I don't want to force you to talk about painful things. But I feel like this is important."

"The tape. The one he was making as he tortured you. Alice brought it to me." he blurted out before he could think about it too much or stop himself from saying it.

"And you watched it."

"I had to."

"Why did you torture yourself like that?"

"I had to know." he said, again hiding his face against her so her scent would surround him. "And to hear your screams. Your bones crunching. Your panic. Even your face when you heard me coming and thought I was there to save you when I wanted your blood as well. Even when I was just as murderous as he was."

"There's a big difference you're overlooking."

"Please enlighten me." he said almost rudely, baring his teeth and suppressing a growl at his own frustrations. Nothing was going to change his mind about that night. He was filled with pain and regrets. His emotional state, though fluctuating rapidly over the course of their conversation, was one of sorrow and crippling anxiety of almost losing the most beautiful thing to ever exist.

"He wanted to torture me. To draw it out to antagonize you. I'm sure my blood smelled good, but he really was after the pleasure of making you hunt him down. You were tempted by the smell of my blood because it's something you love more than anything else in the world. But only that. I'm your singer and your mate. You didn't have bad intentions beyond your instincts. Even if you had drunk my blood, you wouldn't have intentionally hurt me. I'm confident you would have changed me. I'm sure it's only natural to you."

"I almost killed you. If I wouldn't have stopped in time-" he said, so upset he hadn't even noticed her casual use of the word 'mate.', though under normal circumstances it would fill him with pride.

"But you did. You know Carlisle wouldn't have let you kill me."

"But I still might have killed you. Carlisle or not."

"You didn't. And you're living with the guilt but Edward, you saved me. Even when I foolishly ran right into the trap. When I disobeyed you and didn't think of anyone but myself. I went there because I didn't want to deal with the pain of losing my mom over something that wasn't her fault, even though I knew deep down I could trust you to try to stop him if I just told you or Alice. But I was so afraid. I wasn't thinking straight. The truth is, I've had flashbacks of that day too. But you were never a scary part of it. You were what saved me. I was the one who screwed everything up."

"After I put you in danger by taking you to play baseball."

"Please, stop blaming yourself. It's in our past now."

"I can't. I want to, but it's impossible. And please don't blame yourself either. You didn't do anything that I wouldn't have done in your shoes."

"It's hard, but it isn't impossible to forgive yourself. And the same goes for the killings too. Does anyone else in your family who killed a human regret it as much as you have?" she said, disregarding the part about herself for now.

"No. They were accidents."

"Then don't you think you've made your atonement?"

"Mine wasn't an accident."

"You were young and in so much pain. No one would blame you for that any more than they would blame me for, well, running away from home or dying my hair pink or something. Your ways of acting out are just a little…different. I don't think you could really get your nose pierced or anything. Do you think a vegetarian would feel so bad about slipping up and eating a steak?"

"You're delirious." he said, but a small smile snuck onto his face despite the heavy conversation. She always knew just what to say to help him snap out of some of his own thoughts. "Get some rest."

"Only when I know you're alright."

"You're here. I've got you in my arms. Nothing could truly be wrong." he said, but he was still shaking.

She kissed him gently. "I love you. Promise me you'll work on forgiving yourself."

"I'll try." he promised, despite knowing that it was going to be a long, hard road ahead. "It might not be easy, but for you, I will try. I love you so much."

"I love you too." she said, leaning in to kiss him. Kissing was always a welcome distraction for both of them, helping clear most of their thoughts and ground them in the real world with each other.

"How are you feeling?" she asked a few minutes later.

"What do you mean?"

"Your flashback."

"Oh, it's passed now. I'm a little shaken up but I'm in control."

"Thank you."

"For waking you up?"

"No." she laughed. "For being honest with me. I know it's hard for you. But I finally feel like I can really tell you anything lately. And I can trust that you're telling the whole truth. I'm understanding you so much better now. I hate that you've had to go through so much."

"Always. I hate that you've been through so much as well. Now, sweet dreams. I'll be close when you wake up." he promised with a kiss to her forehead. She yawned and snuggled against him again. It was super late after all and she did have to be up early.

When Bella woke, Edward was right at her side. He was still visibly shaken, smiling at her sadly. They kissed for a few minutes before she remembered that she likely had awful morning breath. That made him laugh as she went into the bathroom. He promised to be back a few minutes later to get her for school. Bella dressed and went downstairs, surprised to find Charlie sitting at the table in front of two plates of eggs and bacon.

"I made you breakfast."

"Thanks. Is everything ok?"

"Yeah. I just felt like making breakfast." he said. "Sometimes I like to do nice things for my daughter."

She sat down with him to eat. "Aren't you late for work?"

"Like twenty minutes. They'll live."

"Oh no! What will Forks ever do without the chief sitting behind his desk and drinking coffee for the first full hour of his shift?" she teased, munching on a strip of bacon, though her thoughts were mostly worrying about Edward.

"Well, my deputy will have one extra cup of coffee since I'm not helping him empty the pot," he said, "Which means he'll be a little hyperactive so his paperwork will go twice as fast. It all evens out. There's a system, you see."

"Ah. And what if someone in that large police force of yours steals your parking spot?"

"Ha! Reserved parking buttmunches!"

"Buttmunches?" she laughed a little despite her concerns and longing for Edward. "Wow. You and Edward both need to learn some new insults."

"Is that not what the kids say anymore?"

"No, dad."

"What does he say?"

"Ass."

"To you?"

"To his brothers."

"Oh, well I'm sure that's accurate." Charlie agreed with a chuckle. She ate in silence for a few minutes, wondering when Edward would arrive. He was a minute or two later than usual. She hoped he was alright, but there was a serious conversation she needed to have with Charlie too.

"Dad, there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about since I spoke to Jasper the other day." Perhaps this would make her feel a little better. She really had put it off too long.

"What is it, honey?"

"I'm sorry. I've been so rude to you. I don't even always call you dad even though I know you love it. I'm starting to realize that a lot of what I know about you was just what mom told me, rather than my own memories. Mom was never mean about you, but she was always quick to talk about Forks and how she wished you wouldn't stay here, or how she was sure you hadn't changed the house around or something dumb, but never how awesome you are….and…" she blushed. This was a conversation that made them both uncomfortable, which is why she had kept putting it off, but she had no idea what it meant to him. "And thank you. For everything. Not just how accommodating you're being with me, but Edward too. I know how upset you were with him. I am honestly surprised you didn't try to shoot him when he came home. And I just- thanks."

Charlie blushed too and stared out the window in the distance. Talking about emotions was hard for him. "I'm just happy to see you feeling better. All I want is for you to be happy."

"Are you happy?"

"Honestly? I live with some regrets, but overall, yes, I am. Especially since you came to live with me and not just because you wash my underwear and socks." he teased.

"I just don't want to be a burden."

"You could never be a burden. You're my daughter. I want you here."

"I always felt like I was holding mom down, even when she insisted I wasn't."

"I have never really wanted to leave Forks beyond an occasional vacation. I'm happy here. And I'm glad you're here too for as long as you want to stay. You aren't holding me down."

"I've not treated you very well."

"It's not your job to treat me well. You're eighteen. You do all of the chores and then some. You go to school and do your homework. You don't even try to sneak around with boys. I always know when Edward's here. All you guys do is talk. Shouldn't you be off getting your nose pierced or something? Trying to scare me in some way? I mean please, don't start. But just sayin'!"

She jumped and stared at Charlie with a terrified expression, not just because he had the same joke she aimed at Edward the night before, but because she believed her dad was referring to the night before intentionally and wondered what he might have overheard.

"Don't have a cow." he said with a laugh. "I wasn't trying to eavesdrop. I got up to use the facilities and heard something about a nose piercing and a flashback. One of you was having a rough night, huh?"

"You don't mind?!"

"That he was here? No. I've told him to stay a few times. You don't have to sneak him in."

"Dad!"

"Should I be upset?" he asked.

"No. I'm just shocked."

"You're a good kid. You both are. I'm guessing he woke up with a nightmare or something and needed to talk about it. You understand him better than anyone else. It's only natural he would come here. Although I hope he at least left a note or something for his parents."

"They pretty well know he's with me if he isn't home."

"True. I guess I would make the same assumption about you too." Charlie said, finishing up his coffee. "I better get to work."

"You said your deputy would work twice as fast if you let him drink all the coffee. What's the harm in being late more often?" she asked with a small smile. Her dad was the complete opposite of her mother, but in the best ways. She was confident that her dad just wanted her to feel loved. In the same situation, her mother would have been upset and acted out, yelling, throwing things, then demanding every minute detail. Charlie just…understood.

"None." He said, kissing her forehead on the way out. "Now go to school."

"Edward should be on his way to get me."

"I think he just pulled into the driveway." Charlie said, waving at him as he got in the cruiser and left for work.

"Good morning, beautiful." Edward said, holding the car door for Bella. He got in as well and looked at her for a moment, his eyebrow raised. "You don't have much to say this morning? Still sleepy?"

"You knew!"

"Knew what?"

"Don't tell me you didn't hear my dad get up last night. If you didn't hear his thoughts I know you heard him-" she paused, not wanting to think about her dad peeing. "…in the bathroom. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you would have freaked out if I told you and have not been able to get back to sleep for worrying. I saw that he wasn't going to be upset with us."

"What if he overheard us talking about vampires or something?"

"He didn't."

"I thought we agreed not to keep secrets."

"We did. I was going to tell you first thing this morning."

"So why were you late?" she asked.

"Alice said it was best." Bella rolled her eyes and got settled for the ride to school. "Are you upset with me?"

"Honestly, no. I believe you were going to tell me. I just wish I would have known last night before I slipped up and said something I shouldn't."

"He didn't linger. He only heard a few words."

She nodded. "What if he ever does overhear? I don't want to risk him finding out and the Volturi coming for him too."

"He won't believe us. And if he does overhear and ask about it, we can pretend it's some kind of metaphor for our pain."

"You must have been thinking about that all night." Bella said.

"No, mostly I spend my nights thinking about you."

"I'm glad he doesn't mind you being there."

"Me too. Apparently, I don't have to sneak in anymore."

"I'm happy he likes you now."

"You made his whole year with what you told him this morning. I saw it in his thoughts as he was leaving."

"He's a good dad."

"He is. He loves you so much. As do I."

"Do you love me enough to do my math homework for me?"

"Tough love." Edward laughed. "I love you enough to admire you and distract you as you try to do your math homework."

"Deal. Are you feeling better?"

"Much." he said, taking her hand and kissing it as he drove. "I still regret that I woke you up."

"Don't. We're mates. We're supposed to take care of each other."

"Mates?" he asked, his eyebrow raised.

"I thought that's what vampires called it when two people were as close as we are. Am I wrong?"

"Not at all. I'm just surprised to hear you say it so casually."

"I said it last night."

"I was very distracted last night."

"True. I mean, boyfriend doesn't sound right. It isn't serious enough."

"No, it isn't." he agreed, wondering how soon he might could get away with convincing her to change their titles to husband and wife. "You weren't even upset with me for waking you. You were sleeping so well. You just immediately started trying to make sure I was alright."

"Wouldn't you do the same for me?"

"I don't sleep."

"Still."

"I would."

"I'm sorry I pressured you to talk about it." she said.

"I wanted to. I just didn't want to burden you with my issues."

"You aren't burdening me. But I feel the same sometimes when I randomly bring things up. I don't want to ruin a happy moment."

"I always want to hear what you're thinking, good or bad."

"So, we're both just going to say what's on our mind from now on and not worry how the other might react?" she asked.

"Everything that's on our mind except the answers to the math homework." he teased. She admired his wicked smile. He was really feeling better, though she noticed he wasn't letting go of her hand.

"I'll make you regret not giving me the answers later."

"How so?"

She blushed and shook her head. He couldn't wait to find out. "I love you." she said instead, changing the subject.

"I love you too."

"You sure you'll be alright at school today? I know last night was hard for you."

"I'll be fine. I have you."

"And we can talk more about it later if we need to."

"We can. I spend every day amazed that I haven't yet scared you off."

"You won't. It's impossible."

"I'm starting to see that." he agreed. "Jasper and I talked some this morning too. He could feel that I was still a bit anxious when I went to retrieve the car."

"Was he able to help?"

"A bit. He agrees that no one else in the family feels as guilty as I do about the loss of human life. In fact, Rosalie feels no regret at all, but I guess hers were deserved. It was just the men who nearly killed her."

"That definitely sounds like a special circumstance." Bella agreed. "You're not a monster, Edward. You aren't evil. You fight your urges so hard. Your self-control…you're able to go to school with a bunch of humans and not hurt them or even make them suspicious."

"Until I met you."

"Well, I had to get your attention somehow, didn't I?" she joked.

"Oh, so you almost made me break my diet on purpose?" he asked, following her.

"How else would I have gotten you to notice me?"

"Your lack of audible thoughts was rather frustrating at first, though it still is, but I don't know, perhaps your beauty. Your smile. Your kind heart. I would have noticed you still. Maybe not as intensely or violently, but I would have."

"The fact that we were lab partners."

"Yes, I am sure that would have helped too." he agreed. "Are you up for another session with Jasper this evening?"

"I am, but I think you should do more of the talking this time."

"It's you I worry about."

"And it's you that I worry about. It helps me to hear how you think too. It shows me that I'm not alone in a lot of my feelings and I get to understand you better. As an added bonus, the less you feel like you have to hold back from me, the more I think you'll understand how tied together we are. How you can't scare me away."

"Perhaps." he said, though he really didn't want to talk about his flashbacks in explicit detail in front of Bella. She saw the hesitancy in his expression.

"You don't have to push yourself. It's not the gore I care about, it's your feelings. It's how to help you feel better. You don't have to give details and things you don't want to, but I would at least like to know why you're feeling sad or anxious so I can help you."

"You always help me."

"I'll trade you one of my traumas for one of your traumas." she teased, knowing that he wanted to hear her thoughts and memories more than anything else. "With Jasper as a referee for fairness and in case one of us really does scare the other into wanting to run away."

"It's a date." he said, kissing her forehead with a grin after he parked the car. "But first, school."

"I haven't slept well, which means I'm a little grumpy and I have slow reflexes, so they can't hold it against me if I hit Mike in the face with a tennis racket again, can they?"

"Not a bit." Edward agreed, getting out of the car.