Title: Morning's dew pt2
Author: jo-ela05
Disclaimer: they're not mine and don't I know it.
Summary: Following on from part 1, how will jack cope with Kate's situation, spoilers for season 2.
Following their discussion jack helped Kate back to the room he had been using as a medical base and handed hr a glass of water, "I know you don't feel like drinking but you're dehydrated it'll make your nausea worse if you don't."
She nodded her thanks and sipped it tentatively. She felt awkward having finally expressed her fears openly she found herself unsure what to do or say next. Regarding Jack she sensed he was equally uneasy about the situation.
He cleared his throat and made eye contact with her for the first time in a few minutes, it was fleeting as he decided on what words would be best, "I'm sorry I didn't make it easy for you to talk to me, you seemed OK, I was a little tunnel visioned, too stupid to admit I shouldn't have been."
Kate did not know how to respond, she knew it had been equal parts both them in the pride department that prevented her from seeking his help earlier, "Maybe it's just stress? Maybe I'm not pregnant."
Jack cleared his throat again, ware it was becoming a habit he resolved not to do it again, "Were you, I mean, using … taking any birth control? Before the crash, after?" The questions should have been easy, he was used to asking them and yet found himself stumbling over the words again; he could not pretend this was just another patient, it was Kate, and whether he wanted to admit it or not he had feelings for her. Not that he would wish what se had been through on anyone, but he did wish that it was someone else sat opposite him right now.
She shook her head, "No." There was little else to add. She was aware suddenly that once again he was keeping both physical and emotional distance from her, using his medical method to keep her from impacting on him.
"We can do a test; there were a surprisingly large amount in the fuselage."
Despite herself Kate giggled, "Really? Who travels with that sort of thing?"
"Someone very paranoid but not enough to actually do the test I suppose."
The smile faded off her face, "I'm not sure, I mean, well-"
Jack interrupted her, taking her hand, "I'll be here, you're not on your own, I'll help you through it ok?"
Kate took a wavering breath and nodded her head in agreement, "OK, but I can pee on my own, ok?"
"OK."
Three minutes can be an awfully long an awkward time they discovered. Kate stared out the window, though there was nothing to see being that they were underground, jack faced her and regarded her as she mentally paced the room, though she had managed to prevent herself from doing so physically.
"Kate?"
"Uh-huh?"
"I need to ask you something," once her eyes were on him he felt less sure he needed to be proceeded anyway, "Why did you run?"
She paused, "Why? I didn't want to go to jail, its really that simple, Jack."
Jack shook his head, "No, I meant, when we, when we … had that …kiss, why did you run away?"
She looked crestfallen, he knew it was a fairly deplorable cause of action because he knew she couldn't run from him right now, and if she did would come back fairly soon, but he felt they'd most likely be spending a bit of time together and he just had to know where he stood so he could carry on without messing his own head up to save hers.
"I … I really like you, Jack, but I'm no good for you, I'll just hurt you. You're too nice to me, you deserve someone better."
"That's not your decision to make, Kate it's mine. Maybe I'm not as nice as you think; maybe I've done my fair share of hurting people too."
"But you never killed anyone, Jack, that's what separates us."
"And that's what gives you and Sawyer something in common?"
Kate looked away, yes it was, she and Sawyer were more alike than she cared to admit, and that was why Sawyer continued to exert a pull over her, she could let herself go, he could not be judgemental because he was no better than her. But she had been better, once.
"I lie jack, all the time, in fact I don't think I even have to do it purposefully anymore. Earlier you asked me if I'd been pregnant before and I said no, that was a lie I have."
Jack raised an eyebrow, "I know, and you didn't lie you didn't answer my question. You don't lie to me Kate, you just refuse to tell me the truth and that tells me more than you will ever know."
She looked back at him, startled, he was right, she had rarely lied to him, except when they first met, and even then he saw right through her.
"And you're wrong, Kate, I have killed a man-"
"Jack, having someone die when you're treating them does not mean you killed them." She cut him off, that was Jack, taking responsibility for everything and everyone; fix the world and everyone in it, that was his mission.
"Kate, I killed the Marshall. I did it to end his suffering, but, the reason I could do it is because I knew with him dead you'd have a chance of getting away when we are rescued."
She stared at him, she could not believe what she had heard, absently she sat down opposite him and she was dimly aware of him approaching her. He crouched in front of her.
"Kate, it's positive, you're pregnant."
"Shit." She whispered to herself, the thick blue line starred back at her, it taunted her one drink too many, serves you right, you've had your fun now it's time to pay.
Abruptly she became aware of the banging on the door, "Katherine? You're late; hurry up, you're supposed to be checking that horse out see if it's a stud worth having, what you doing in there anyhow?"
Her mother was trying to hurry her along, "Come on Katherine you're twenty one, when are you going to be able to get yourself up without an alarm clock?"
"Oh in about eight months time I suspect ma." She whispered under her breath.
Hiding the test in her jacket pocket she slid passed her mother and out the door. Her beat up old bug waited for her on the drive, it used to be yellow like an NY cab, but these days it was so dusty and dented she doubted anyone could make that distinction anymore. As she slid into the driver's seat she saw Tom's tie curled up in the compartment of the passenger door, a further reminder of their indiscretion the night he left. She had no doubt that she could call him and tell him about the pregnancy and he would leave his residency and come back here to nowhere Ville to discuss what she wanted to do and how he could support her. Or that he would support her, and a baby, because he was just hat kind of guy, but she knew it wouldn't be fair, on either of them. Because she loved him, but he just loved the idea of her. He loved that he had an idyllic teenage romance with, almost literally, the girl next door, he loved the fond memories of summer afternoons and that was what had led him to participate in the back alley fumble which had led to this baby's conception. But he did not love her, of that she was painfully aware.
As she approached her destination her attention was drawn by what she assumed to be the horse she had been sent to look over. It was a beautiful creature, jet black, muscular, perfect shinning coat. Her attention was so drawn that she did not see the oncoming car cross out of its lane until it was too late.
"Kate?" Jack was talking, she was vaguely aware of it above the chattering of her teeth. "Kate? Did you hear me?"
She nodded her affirmation but momentarily could not respond, her mind was still on the asphalt after another irresponsible decision, no seatbelt, saw her thrown from car onto the road, "I'm cold." She shivered, suddenly realising that she could not possibly be cold as she was in fact, currently resident on a tropical island. Before her brain had time to catch up Jack was there, wrapping a blanket around her, talking softly in a soothing tone, still she could not stop the shaking.
He hugged her in close and held her tight as she continued to shiver against him, "It's ok Kate, I'll take care of you, I'll help you through this."
She shook her head slowly, "How, Jack? How can I … do this? I can't have this, Jack, I can't, it's too ... much, no" she was sobbing into him, unable to maintain the barriers she had worked so hard to erect.
"Shhh, don't think about that now, just get some rest, then we'll talk about what we can do when you're up to it."
She struggled away from him and ran for the bathroom; following her he held her hair as he retched over the toilet.
"Kate, its OK you're just panicking, just take some deep breaths and it'll stop, ok?"
She did as instructed and curled herself back against him, his warmth felt reassuring but she could not stop the sobbing which she was sure had less to do with her current situation than he thought.
"It won't stop, Jack, it just never stops."