Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I don't own half of the jokes. But seriously, how can someone own jokes? That's ridiculous!

Right, my fellow readers, I haven't been updating for a while. I'm certain that you all stand there holding torches, waiting to burn me. I dare you, 'cause I got my fire extinguisher ready. I've recently learned that the cave isn't by Cerulean. Silly me… well, I guess this is called the literature freedom, heh. So, it's pretty obvious that I never played the game… buuuut, I'll improvise. Watch.

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"The Fantastic Adventure in the Unknown Cave"

John looked at the level fifty Pokémon that surrounded him and Farfetch'd. The Pokémon which were surrounding them consisted of two Marowak, one Rhyhorn, three Magneton and one Slowpoke. They were all snarling at them, except for Slowpoke, who just looked at them.

"We're done for, Farfetch'd. I wonder if there are Scy-"

"Don't dare to mention those crazy, scythe-wielding, pothead bugs!" Farfetch'd quacked.

"For your information," the Pokédex beeped, "there are no mantis Pokémon in here."

"Oh, joy…" Farfetch'd muttered.

The two Marowak approached Farfetch'd looking at his leek.

Farfetch'd fear turned into a furious rage as his face turned beat red.

"DO NOT COME NEAR ME!" he bellowed, causing it to echo in the whole cave. All of the Pokémon made a run for it, except for Slowpoke.

"It didn't know a Farfetch'd could learn Roar," the Pokédex noted. Farfetch'd snatched the Pokédex from John's pockets, glaring at it.

"And I didn't know a Pokédex was capable of Seismic Toss. Phoey!" he snapped as he tossed it to John.

"Farfetch'd, that's not how you do it. You must express your exasperation with a passion," John learned, "PHOOEY!" he howled. That cry also echoed in the cave. The Slowpoke jumped in fright and ran away faster than an Electrode could roll.

Farfetch'd ignored his stupid trainer and looked with wonder at the fleeing Slowpoke. "I've never seen a Slowpoke run that fast… how Fetch," the duck muttered.

"What should we do, Farfetch'd?" asked John.

"Quack, maybe we should venture deeper into the cave. Maybe there's some exit further in, what do I know?" Farfetch'd replied, shrugging. "Onwards."

"Yes, sir!" John exclaimed, and started to follow Farfetch'd's lead. The duck held his leek up like a leading pike thingy, or something.

It didn't take long until they met a duo of a Chansey and a Wigglytuff. They both looked at John happily and greeted them with friendly wave.

"Don't worry, Farfetch'd, I'll take care of this." John drew his oversized mallet, holding it over his head. "DO NOT COME NEAR ME!" he yelled.

The two friendly Pokémon looked at John, and then turned extremely hostile. They lunged at him and started slapping him like mad.

"Ow, oh! AAAH! EEEEEH!"

Farfetch'd broke out in laughter. He laughed so hard he almost suffocated. He sneaked up and snatched one of John's pokéballs, releasing Voltorb. He did this because he wanted Voltorb to see the fun event as well.

The electric Pokémon cheered, laughing with Farfetch'd.

When the two Pokémon had enough beating John, they turned their backs in disgust and left, leaving John beaten to a pulp. Wigglytuff took the mallet and tossed at John's head, causing him to faint.

'Ohh, those were some tough bitches,' Farfetch'd told Voltorb.

'Yeah, probably because they're level fifty and all,' the electric Pokémon replied, spinning around.

John woke up and held his head in pain.

"Oh, by Lugia, the pain…" he moaned. "Why didn't it work?"

Farfetch'd crossed his wings. "Well, first of all, you yelled. You were supposed to bellow. Secondly, you only used two exclamation points, while I used three."

"But if I had used four?"

"Not possible, that would be playing God," said Farfetch'd strictly.

"Man," whined John, "I'm a failure…" He started to sob.

"Hey, cheer up, John. It's almost as if I wanted to give you a leek," Farfetch'd comforted. Voltorb rolled up and bounced onto John's lap.

"To smoke?" John asked. Farfetch'd nodded.

"To be honest, it actually helps a little," ensured the bird.

John got to his senses, looking a little serious.

"But I can't do that! Humans are affected the complete wrong way by those sticks!"

Farfetch'd scoffed. "They do? Strange… I've seen humans smoking with them… though I never thought other Pokémon could smok'em, which was why I was surprised when those Scythers could smoke them without problems."

"What?" exclaimed John.

"Well," started Farfetch'd, "I've seen one guy do it, but he got killed. I thought it wasn't of my business, but that's what happened."

John stared blankly at nothing, but didn't the doctor say that-

Something flipped inside his mind, he had a sudden urge of eating ice cream.

"Hey, let's eat some raspberry ice cream!" With that, John somehow pulled out a box of raspberry ice cream out of his pocket. "This is gonna be good, guys!" He searched his pocket for a spoon, but could only find a fork. "Bummer…"

"I won't sulk!" said Farfetch'd. "I have my leek, and I can use that leek as a spoon! Haha!" he laughed as he began to dig in the raspberry ice cream.

"A spoon, A SPOON! My insanity for a freaking SPOO-HO-HO-HOOoon!" John howled, looking around him.

As if on cue, a Kadabra stepped out from the shadows. John noticed the spoon it held in one of its hands. He snatched Farfetch'd's baseball cap and put it on his head. He then grabbed his oversized mallet and dashed towards the Kadabra.

"Gimme your spoon NOW!" he yelled at the psychic Pokémon. The poor Kadabra didn't have time to react before John snatched its spoon and gave it his fork instead. And before Kadabra could complain, it was struck by the mallet.

John held his hands up in the air, singing the homerun song.

And then he got slapped by Farfetch'd.

"If you ever steal my private cap one more time, it'll be the last thing you do! Is that clear?" Farfetch'd roared. John cowered. The duck then walked back to the box of raspberry ice cream. "But I gotta admit, this is some Fetching good ice cream!" he said, starting to dig in the ice cream again.

"No, don't eat all of it!" whined John, rushing to the box of ice cream.

They both ate the ice cream, enjoying the cold sweetness of happiness. Voltorb rolled up next to John, looking curiously into the ice cream.

"Yum, this is some good ice cream. Hey, Ka-Boom, you want some?" asked John.

"Vol!" it said happily, spinning around once. John filled up a spoon with ice cream.

"Say ah," he said, but the Voltorb looked at him oddly.

"Lol?" it wondered.

"John, you idiot! Voltorb doesn't have mouths!" Farfetch'd stated angrily.

Ka-Boom looked at John sadly with tears in its eyes. It then rolled away, sobbing.

"Great going, jackass, you hurt Ka-Boom!" Farfetch'd snapped.

"Great? So… that means more ice cream for us?" John asked as he resumed eating the ice cream.

"No, you made it cry!"

"Negative," the Pokédex stated. "Electric Pokémon can't cry, especially not a Voltorb!"

"Then what is that coming down the Voltorb's eyes?" Farfetch'd smugly asked, snatching the Pokédex and pointed it at the crying Voltorb.

"In the name of all legendaries! A weeping Voltorb! Get away before it short-circuits and explodes!" the Pokédex frantically shouted.

John and Farfetch'd dove to the ground just before Ka-Boom exploded. This explosion was much stronger than usual explosions, and the Voltorb couldn't be found afterwards.

"Ka-Boom! Nooo!" John yelled in devastation. "It was such a nice Pokémon…"

"Trode?" a big sphere Pokémon said. Both John and Farfetch'd looked at the direction of the voice.

They saw a much bigger Voltorb, only that the colours were swapped. It had two eyebrows that didn't seem attached to the body itself. But most importantly it had…

…a mouth.

Ka-Boom had evolved to an Electrode.

John seized the chance to state the obvious.

"Ka-Boom… did you evolve?" he asked.

Ka-Boom spun around and rolled over John in happiness. John was almost crushed by the immense weight.

"It's happy because now it will never be mistaken for a pokéball anymore," muttered Farfetch'd. The duck then found himself under the pressure of Electrode, who was angry with him. "Ouch, help!" he pleaded.

"Hey, Ka-Boom, you want some ice cream?" John offered. Electrode jollily let Farfetch'd go as it rolled up to John. John filled up the spoon with the raspberry ice cream and put it inside Ka-Boom's mouth.

Ka-Boom examined the taste, but didn't seem to like it. Farfetch'd cheered.

"Woo-hoo! That means more for me!"

Farfetch'd's happy moment didn't last very long. He spotted two Pokémon which were probably hostile.

A Kadabra (yes, the one with the fork) and a Hypno stared at them with anger. The Kadabra seemed angrier because John took its spoon. The Hypno looked at Farfetch'd, who seemed shocked.

"Eh, John," Farfetch'd said after having listened to Hypno's psychic message, "He said that he would put you in a hypnosis and take control of you. Then he'd take you to his boss."

"No worries!" John exclaimed, "We have Electrode, and logically, it would be at level thirty."

"How did?" Farfetch'd didn't have time to ask as Kadabra blasted the duck with a Psybeam attack.

The Hypno used his psychic powers to attract the spoon from John's hands and handed it to Kadabra. The yellow psychic Pokémon then walked up to the incompetent trainer. He rocked his pendulum left and right, chanting.

"Foolish human, you are in my power," the Hypno started. John snatched the pendulum out of his hands and examined it.

"It's a very nice necklace. Are you sure this isn't the one mum lost a few weeks ago?" John asked. The Kadabra pounded John's head with its spoon and forced him to look at it.

"Watch carefully, and behold my power," the Kadabra stated, holding its spoon before John. Suddenly, the spoon was bent by Kadabra's psychic powers.

"Cool, how did you do that?"

"Simple, because… thar is… no spoon…" said the psychic Pokémon eerily. Farfetch'd sighed in frustration, even though he had been knocked down. The duck quickly got up and stole the bent spoon and bent it back to its regular form.

"There is no Fetch sense in you, Kadabra fool!" snapped the duck.

The Kadabra glared at the duck as its eyes glowed blue. "There is no Farfetch'd…" it grunted using its psychic powers. Farfetch'd was somehow knocked into unconsciousness. John gasped and returned Farfetch'd into his pokéball.

"You meanie! Ka-Boom, get them!" John commanded. The Electrode rolled towards the two psychic Pokémon, hoping to roll over them.

Both Kadabra and Hypno used their psychic power to toss the XXL pokéball Pokémon at John. But then the most unthinkable event written in history happened.

John dodged.

But the Hypno dashed forward and snatched his pendulum back from John. And Kadabra approached John more calmly. Suddenly, John felt he couldn't move, which was probably a trick of Kadabra's due to its eyes glowing blue.

The Hypno rocked his pendulum in front of John's eyes. This time, John followed the pattern.

"Human, you are under my control," Hypno chanted, "you feel slee-" John fell asleep.

"Zzz…"

"Human, you fell asleep too early…" the psychic stated, waking John up. He then started over, rocking the pendulum. "You feel sleepy, human, you-" John fell asleep again.

"Hypno," said Kadabra, amused by John, "you always say that hypnosis works easily on the mindless, but this is ridiculous!"

"Shut up, Kadabra!" Hypno snapped, "Let me try again, third time's the charm." The yellow Pokémon slapped John's face so he'd wake up.

Hypno drew a long breath, trying to be patient. He then rocked the pendulum.

"Human, you are under my control. You'll do everything I tell you to!" the psychic Pokémon said extremely quickly. John fell asleep.

Silence passed, only John's snoring could be heard.

"So," started Kadabra, breaking the silence, "did it work?"

Hypno didn't answer. His face seemed to get redder for every second, and started to tremble in exasperation.

"…no…" he said slowly. Kadabra laughed. Hypno put his left hand at his forehead, almost sobbing in irritation. Not long after that, the yellow Pokémon could be heard sobbing.

"Don't be sad, I took care of the oversized pokéball. I simply used the human's pokéball to recall it. Aren't I smart?" the Kadabra said proudly. Hypno threw his pendulum right at the psychic Pokémon's face.

"Why didn't you think of that earlier? This imbecile's brain is completely empty! I can't even eat his dreams! Everything's so weird!" Hypno shouted in misery.

"Cheer up, take advantage to the spoils of war. The human left some delicious raspberry ice cream behind!" Kadabra ate some of the ice cream using its spoon.

"Hey, leave some for me!" Hypno replied happily, having forgotten John who was standing up and sleeping.

"Here's the deal," said Hypno, "We eat some ice cream, and then we take the trespasser to the boss. The boss is kinda angry, but he can wait!"

To be continued…

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Well, that's what I could whip up after the whole summer. I hope you liked it and hopefully I'll update sooner…