Author's Note: Flashbacks, memories, nightmares, etc. are in italics so they stand out from the main story. I hope you enjoy the update!

Edward saw Bella safely home, drove his car to the family mansion and parked it in the garage. He stood at the edge of the woods, preparing to take off for a hunt.

"Do you want company?" Emmett called after him with Jasper standing at his side.

"You'll never catch me!" Edward insisted, taking off in a laughing blur.

He was right. Though they amusedly ran after him, they knew within seconds that they could never catch up. His laughter was infectious, echoing back through the woods and scaring off some of the wildlife he was supposed to be hunting. They didn't mind.

They were so happy to see him actually letting go. Mr. Serious. The party pooper. He who always tried to rein in their parties. He was not only sincerely smiling since he had finally accepted Bella as his, but was even learning how to truly be seventeen, finally, after more than eighty years of being seventeen.

"Hey, wait for us!" Emmett shouted.

"You're scaring off all the deer." Jasper added, though he knew Edward could hear in his thoughts that he was joking.

"Too bad! Run faster!" Edward yelled behind him, scaling a distant tree in seconds. He was suddenly aware of the long-held tensions in his body relaxing and pains he never realized he carried dissipating. He suddenly felt weightless, as if he could fly. His brothers watched him from a distance, laughing as he played.

"If that's what he's like now, imagine what he'll be like after he gets laid." Emmett said. "We won't be able to be within a ten-mile radius of them."

"It might be the happiest place on Earth."

"We're not talking about Disney World!" Emmett said, smacking his brother on the arm. "Gross."

Jasper laughed loudly and the two of them ran off after their own meal in the opposite direction of Edward. As for him, he definitely wasn't going to catch anything until he calmed down, not that he minded. It was nice to relax for a change.

While Edward and his brothers hunted on opposite sides of the state, Bella settled in for bed. The eventful evening had left her so much to think about, but in a good way. When Edward had left her, he was magic and love, but she knew so little about the actual man. Sure, he would tell her about his hobbies or his family, but carefully guarded the most important parts of himself. The doubts. She had always thought he was so confident. But he wasn't. He was just as afraid as her. They really were more similar than they ever realized before.

She laid back with a smile on her face remembering his smile and his wild laughter as they talked in their meadow. How he felt balanced over her, not trapping or holding down, but loving and protecting. She had never felt so safe, nor so happy. She thought about his dark, black eyes that he insisted weren't due to thirst. It made her feel desired for perhaps one of the first times in her life. A new confidence took hold in her. She felt worthy of his love. The way he had described her made her heart swell with love and confidence. She couldn't wait until the time was right for them to truly be together forever.

Her thoughts drifted to his commentary on marriage. Truthfully, her mother had always been the one to convince her that it was an awful idea. But her mother also thought moving to Forks was terrible too and look how that had turned out. Charlie had echoed similar thoughts against marriage, but mostly due to her age. He didn't want her to feel trapped or skip out on college. That made sense from a parental perspective.

"It will be the biggest mistake of your life. Don't ever get married!"

"I won't." Bella agreed.

"Men are nothing but trouble. All they do is tie you down. We don't need men. Right, honey?"

"Right, mom." Bella said, chopping vegetables for dinner.

"Once you get a little older, boys will be all over you. They will promise you the world. They'll say anything just to get you to commit to them and then they will expect you to do everything for them. It's no life for a woman!"

"Yes, mom."

"That's right. When your dad and I got married, I thought he was going to travel with me. We were going to be carefree and explore the world together. And then that jackass refused to leave Forks! Can you believe that? Forks! What in the world is there good in Forks, Washington?!"

"Nothing."

"Exactly!"

Bella snapped out of her memory with a loud, clear thought. It was so simple and yet she never considered it before. Her mom, with all her negative feelings on marriage she had preached for years, had gotten remarried with Phil. Did she not truly believe her own opinions on it?

Her mind was mostly still for a few minutes, contemplating. She really had internalized a lot of her mom's 'life lessons' but how many of them were real, like – a falling knife has no handle, and how many were just ranting for the sake of ranting but not at all truly grounded in reality? Certainly, a lot of the things she had to say about Charlie were entirely false as Bella learned after moving to Forks. And how many times had she ranted about Bella herself too? Things that she knew were false?

Bella remembered how happy Edward was that evening alone in their meadow. How she had made him laugh and smile, his joy making her heart swell with love for him. She knew she could never regret being his in any way possible. She forced her thoughts to turn away from her mom and back to the evening her and Edward had just spent together. Every kiss. Every touch. She decided right then not to let anyone else's opinions rule her life from then on. Not with anything. She would listen and decide for herself, though Edward would definitely have a fair amount of influence. She couldn't wait to tell him.

She fell blissfully asleep a few minutes later with his smile still fresh in her mind. Unfortunately, it was only minutes before the nightmares started to take hold.

His smiling face turned into a smirk and then laughter. He was laughing at her. She was hilarious to him. A joke.

"I don't want you to come." he said, his voice level and void of any hint of emotion, other than his slight amusement at her existence.

"You're not good for me." he added in a completely flat tone.

"You're just not interesting."

"You're nothing special."

"Goodbye." he finished, just as emotionless as his start. He took off running and then turned into smoke, floating away in the cool afternoon air.

She ran after him but fell hard within seconds. The forest turned into her childhood bedroom, or at least the one she remembered the most. They had moved so often when she was little. The bright pink walls her mother had insisted on despite her protests blinded her with overwhelming color intensity. Her bedroom was supposed to be the one place she felt safe, but she couldn't relax. Her mom kept interrupting her as she tried to finish her homework.

"Hey sweetie, what's for dinner?"

"Did you remember to pay the light bill?"

"I'm considering somewhere tropical! What do you think about Florida?"

"Do you like my new dress?"

"Do you really like my new dress? You sure it isn't too short?"

"Have you seen my pearl necklace?"

"You shouldn't procrastinate your homework like that! You've been on that same math assignment for hours! Maybe I need to get you a tutor. But who can afford that?! You've got to concentrate harder on your schoolwork! You can't depend on anyone to take care of you once you grow up!"

Eventually, Bella gave up and told her mother that it was done, leaving her blindingly pink room behind while she ventured into the main house to do chores and make sure she had paid all the bills.

The scene shifted again and this time she was standing in her mom's bright yellow kitchen, on the phone with Charlie.

"I don't want to go to Forks anymore. I hate it there. I'm not coming unless you take me somewhere sunny." Bella insisted.

"Bella, honey, it's hard for me to use that much vacation time. We're really short-staffed-"

"Then I'm not coming!" she protested. Her mom was sitting in a chair across the room encouraging her with a quiet 'That a girl!' Her mother had told her to learn to stand up for herself, starting with her father. Who would want to visit a place like Forks year after year anyhow? It was so rainy and dreary. There was nothing to do there. No one worth talking to either, really.

"Alright, I'll do it. I want to see you. Put your mom on the phone and we'll work out the flight details." he said, crestfallen.

Bella knew she should have felt proud for listening to her mom, but she instead felt awful. Charlie didn't deserve her making him miss work and spend his money. Perhaps she shouldn't go at all. Maybe it was best if she stayed in her room all summer. But that would hold Renee back as well. She wouldn't want Bella tagging along with her at her women's conferences and such. She entertained the thought of running away but knew it was impractical until she at least learned to drive.

"Great job!" Renee shouted once the call was done. "You know what's best for you! Really showed him! Forks is too dreary, isn't that right, honey?"

Bella quietly agreed. It was rather, dreary after all. Maybe she did make the right decision. She knew California would have plenty to do and beaches to lounge on. Perhaps she could live with this decision if it meant a summer of reading books and sunbathing in peace.

The scene changed again and Charlie was driving Bella into Forks for the first time when she would actually be living there. She had to admit, it did feel a little nice to be free of her mother and to sit and exist in quiet peace for a few minutes as they drove.

Something flashed past the car near the tree line and made her jump. It looked like a large dog or perhaps a wolf, but it was gone before her dad could even see it. He thought she was going crazy. Too scared after city living. Maybe the peaceful woods would do her some good. She, however, was terrified of things lurking in the dark. The wolf reminded her of other things that had lurked, stalking her in the night…

The scene changed again and this time James was standing over her, except it wasn't her leg he was breaking, but Edward's as he lay broken beside her. He was screaming in pain and she couldn't move to get to him, paralyzed by a gruesome combination of pain and fear. He moved to break another of Edward's bones-

Bella woke up screaming and frantically searching the dark room for Edward. She had to know that he was safe and alright. He wasn't there. Charlie was still snoring in the other room, having lived through months of her screaming nightmares to the point they no longer made him even stir in his sleep.

She debated texting him but really didn't want to distract him from his hunt. If she did, he would only be gone longer. Instead, she sat awake doing her best to hold on to happy memories, like earlier in the meadow. She admired the photos of them he had given back to her and the tiny one in her locket. But those things couldn't take her mind off of the painful nightmares, both their mental images and how they made her feel.

There was a loud pop. The old floor settling. A sound she had heard hundreds of times before. Bella knew that's all it was, yet she couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. Her mind conjured up all kinds of scenarios, a fire downstairs that hadn't yet set off the alarms, a person or perhaps a big animal trying really quietly to break in, maybe the house itself was just starting to fall apart. She was positive nothing was wrong, yet she sat paralyzed running through nearly impossible or very improbable scenarios in her thoughts. Every small noise made her jump. She was too afraid to even lay back properly, ready to run at a moment's notice. She was in a state of half asleep, half awake. She couldn't move or hold her thoughts together, yet she couldn't fall asleep either. She was just there. And terrified.

The near silent sound of her window opening made her jump with a gasp just before four in the morning. Her heart pounded and she wrapped her arms around herself, curling up in a ball, though she immediately knew that it was just Edward coming to check on her.

"What's the matter?" he asked, his freshly golden eyes soft as he instantly appeared in the bed beside her, his arms around her. She immediately clung to him tightly and nuzzled her face against the side of his neck. "I'm sorry. I know I was out for a long time. I hope you haven't waited up for me."

"No." she whispered, hating how much time she spent crying around him lately. She was normally the strong one. She imagined a scenario where he came in and they immediately started kissing passionately instead. She was sure they both would have liked that much better. "Don't be sorry. I am."

"No need to be. Remember our promise earlier?"

She nodded. "I was having nightmares. They woke me up. And I've been sitting here afraid of every little noise the house made. I don't know why."

"Hypervigilance." Edward answered simply. "It means being extra watchful even when the situation doesn't call for it. You usually can't shut it off." She looked at him questioningly. "I do it too. Jasper said it's normal for us."

"Oh." she answered. "I'm so happy to see you."

"And I you." he said, kissing her hair and holding her close against him. "Why didn't you call me?"

"I didn't want to bother you."

"You never bother me."

"You were hunting."

"I did hunt, although I did more goofing off really. You still could have called me. I scared away most of the prey."

"You, goofing off?" she asked with a small smile.

He smiled in return. "I can goof off a little when the situation calls for it. What do you say we lay back down? You don't have to be afraid now. I'll keep watch and protect you."

"I know." she agreed, loosening her grip on him only enough to lay back down. He laid beside her, keeping her close beside him. "Did you have a nice hunt?"

"I did. I raced my brothers and they gave up in less than five seconds."

"Five seconds? Where did you go, Canada?"

"Almost." he chuckled. As happy as he was to run wild through the woods for a bit, he was even more thrilled and totally at peace with her in his arms. He caressed her cheek. She had stopped crying and started to relax with his smiling face in front of her. "Do you want to talk about your nightmares?"

"No."

"Should we?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Probably." she agreed. "But I'm pretty tired."

"Will you still remember them in the morning?"

"I don't know."

"Give me the cliff notes version."

She hesitated, looking into his eyes, and not wanting to hurt him with the truth.

"We promised." he reminded her. "I know I hurt you. I won't judge you for still having negative feelings about that if that's what it was."

"It started out that way." she admitted, "But really, I was thinking about what you asked me to earlier…"

"Oh really?" he asked, immediately knowing what she meant.

"Yes, really. Just before I fell asleep, I decided that you're right. A lot of my opinions and feelings on things may not be my own. I didn't really question the things my mom taught me growing up, but I'm starting to now."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah."

"What about?"

"Everything, really. The nightmares were more like intense memories. It was when mom put me up to being mean to Charlie and insisting that he take me to California in the summers instead of Forks. And when mom would constantly interrupt me working on something then claim it was my fault for not having it done. And just a bunch of things I feel bad about."

"It sounds like those were your mother's shortcomings, not yours."

"Maybe." she agreed. "Something to think about at least." She yawned and stretched, moving her stiff body a little after sitting up vigilant for so long. "I'm so sleepy."

"Then rest." he said, leaning his face down to hers, his golden eyes twinkling in the moonlight.

"Wait, there's something I have to tell you."

"What is it, love?"

"What you said earlier. I thought about it. I really considered it. I want to be yours forever, in whatever way that means to us. I could never regret that."

"I love you." he said, holding her face delicately in his hands.

"I love you too."

He took his time dazzling her to relaxation before kissing her gently and laying his head back against the pillows. She happily rested on his chest and fell back asleep. It had been a long night.

Edward, feeling more optimistic than his usual state, wondered if perhaps he had spent all these years waiting for one who would need him as much as he needed her. Maybe that's why no one had ever held his interest before. It wasn't that anything was wrong with him, as he often wondered, but he had been waiting for she who would truly understand him. Who would speak to not just his body, but the very essence of his being. He couldn't wait to make her immortal, though he would miss watching her sleep.

He replayed her words in his mind, "I want to be yours forever." There was nothing sweeter or dearer to him in the entire universe.

As she rested, he reflected on all they had discussed in the past few days. When they first met, their relationship was mostly wonder and shock that the other existed. That someone so perfect could possibly be in their path. Though Edward resisted the idea, they had realized right away that they were meant to be together. Everything was magical and otherworldly then.

But now, though he hated the events that inspired it, things were more realistic. They both saw each other as who they really were, including the fears and anxieties. Including their shortcomings. They could speak freely and act normally, though their relationship never lost the magic and awe of discovering each other. He was sure it never would. As a bonus, he didn't want to kill her anymore, though her scent still made his mouth water with venom.

He became confident that he would be able to prevent a frenzy the next time he tasted her blood by simply looking at her face. He could never harm her again. He would change her when the time was right and would have no regrets keeping her forever. He prayed she also wouldn't have any regrets for the things he couldn't give her.

His mind drifted not to Rosalie, but instead to Alice. Alice had never once expressed regret at not having children while human, but perhaps it was only because of her belief that it does no good dwelling on the past. Still, he wondered if Bella might be more like Alice and never have such regrets. He really considered the idea that it might be possible. And even if she had that regret, were there not things they could still do to influence the world in their own small ways, if not with their own children?

His thoughts turned to Esme and Rosalie. He had spent so many decades focused on his own misery but perhaps there was more he could do for them. Sure, he was always happy to be a listening ear or offer words of encouragement, but what if there was something more they could do together as a family, not just to pass the time, but to make their existence more worthwhile? His earlier optimism from the woods hadn't faltered. It was certainly an idea worth considering.

Bella stirred slightly in her sleep and he kissed her forehead, immediately calming her back to her restful state. He couldn't believe how foolish he had been to leave her before. He should have never doubted the strength of her love for him. The way he comforted her even in her subconscious. They were a mated pair, half human or not. How grateful he was for his human half. The one that was teaching him to really love not just others, but himself. Even changing and strengthening his love for his family.

What could she possibly see in me? he thought. Surely murderer wasn't in her list of qualities in a potential mate.

No, he agreed with himself. But remember her feelings on this. That was your natural diet. Look how hard you fight back against it. How many lives you've saved by not continuing to drink from humans. How hard you tried even then to make sure to only drink from true criminals. You never harmed the innocent.

Edward had never actually snapped out of a negative line of thought about himself without some external help, like Bella or Jasper. Yet, he did for the very first time. Yes, he could live with his past if it meant that he was alive to experience Bella. Perhaps he could do more to atone for it, but the first step was forgiving himself. As he admired the angel sleeping peacefully in his arms, he did. Edward finally forgave himself.

The next afternoon, they were sitting around the Cullen's house watching an intense match of vampire chess between Jasper and Emmett. Bella, resigned to not being able to follow their ridiculous and ever-changing rules, was happily perched in Edward's lap with a snack. Alice and Rosalie were looking at fashion magazines. Esme was knitting in an armchair, patiently waiting for Carlisle to get home from work.

"You cheated!" Emmett shouted.

"I was only playing by your rules." Jasper smirked.

"The knight only moves two at a time and the shoe-"

"The shoe?!" Bella asked, laughing. "What are you two playing?"

"See, they broke some of their pieces in a fit of rage and replaced them with Monopoly ones." Edward said with a grin.

"Can't you just buy a new chess set?"

"We decided we liked the Monopoly guys better." Emmett said.

"And what if you want to play Monopoly?"

"We bought another set of Monopoly pieces." Jasper answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Is this what you all really do with your free time?" she asked Jasper.

"We certainly have a lot of it. Games are one part. Reading, music, other activities."

"Ew!" Bella shouted, "Don't talk about that."

"What? I just meant playing pool and baseball and stuff. Get your mind out of the gutter kid."

Bella blushed, hiding her face against Edward's chest. "Now you know what it's like to have brothers." he whispered in her ear.

"Hey, we weren't the ones that scared off all the wildlife in a hundred-mile radius last night." Emmett teased. Edward grinned and hid his face in Bella's hair. "Now neither one of you can look at us! Ha! So easily embarrassed!"

"What exactly did you do to scare off that many animals?" Bella asked.

"Oh, you didn't hear him laughing like a madman?" Emmett asked. "Let me enlighten you, young one. Last night, after whatever you two got into in the woods, and I ain't one to judge, Edward came home grinning like the cat that ate the canary. Then, he tried to race me and Jasper, of course, we would have won but we didn't want to ruin his bad mood, ya know? And then he ran off into the woods laughing like this-"

"Emmett, no!" Edward said, "Don't subject her to that."

"I want to hear it. Sounds funny."

"No." Edward insisted.

"Later." Emmett whispered loudly. Bella smiled at him.

The vampires all heard the crunch of the Mercedes' tires on the driveway at the same time. Esme sprang up and stashed her knitting away in a basket, straightening her dress, then her hair, and going to open the door at the precise moment Carlisle parked his car. "Welcome home, dear."

Carlisle kissed her cheek. "Hello, my love."

Emmett made fake gagging sounds and Bella giggled. He was like a sweet older brother and the biggest goof she had ever met.

"Hello, Bella."

"Hi Carlisle."

"How was school today, everyone?"

"Boring!" Emmett said, rolling his eyes dramatically.

"Good." Alice answered.

"Alright." Edward said. "There's something I want to talk to you all about. I asked Bella to be here with me."

"Is everything ok?" Esme asked, her thoughts immediately going to the last time Edward asked them all to talk.

"Everything is perfect, mom. Nothing like that. I promise."

"I'm glad." she said, leading Carlisle by the hand to sit down with her.

Edward didn't know where to start. Bella leaned into him, wrapping her arms against him. He breathed deeply, feeling whole as her scent tickled his throat.

"Jasper and Bella have helped me realize that I might not be as normal as I once thought."

"You don't say?!" Emmett shouted.

"Not now, you buffoon." Rosalie said, earning a grin from him. Regardless, he quieted down, going to sit beside his wife.

"For years, I thought that the intense memories that have haunted me were normal. Just a part of being immortal, maybe made more detailed or severe because of my mind reading ability. I've only recently learned that they are actually flashbacks from C-PTSD. I have suffered from them almost every day since my change, at least until Bella came along. Some are my own experiences. Others are those I've seen in the minds of those whose thoughts I've read. Please don't feel bad about this, but I carry some of your traumas with me as well, having seen them in your thoughts firsthand.

Lately, recent events have prompted me to try to understand which of my thoughts and reactions are my own, and which ones are due to my past. A past I never really realized was holding me back from being myself in the present until recently. The years I've spent moping and being a buzzkill, to quote my dear brothers, who I hold no negative feelings for, are because I've held onto a lot of beliefs that I now question.

I no longer believe myself damned and soulless, nor any of you. I'm sorry that I ever believed it, especially about each of you. I love you all dearly. I've also learned that it's better to talk about things instead of trying to keep them bottled up inside, always trying to be seen as stable and mature. And I've learned what it feels like to let go of the fears and the doubts and to truly love." he said, kissing Bella's head. "I apologize sincerely for the times I was difficult to be around. For the things I've said. There are still days when I still struggle with my mental health and it feels good to admit that. But I can also say that I've never been happier, or more myself."

"Edward, I'm so sorry. I had no idea." Carlisle said when he was done. "I wish I could have done more to help you, and sooner."

"You didn't know."

"We love you, son." Esme said.

"And I love you all."

"Sorry we were dicks sometimes." Emmett said, making Bella giggle quietly.

"You mean are dicks, most of the time." Edward teased.

"Pretty much."

"I'm sorry too, Edward." Alice said. "I've thought some pretty mean things about you in the past, though I never intended for you to hear them."

"It's not your fault."

"Bella." Rosalie started, surprising everyone in the room as she addressed her directly for one of the first times ever. "You've changed Edward so much. I've never seen him so happy. I wish I had fought him harder when he tried to leave you, but I thought it was best for you too. I couldn't imagine how a human could possibly want to give up her life to be like us, but now, I've heard you talk about what you've been through. What the two of you face every single day. I've been talking things over with Jasper and I still have a lot of healing to do from my past as well. I'm sorry for how I've treated you. And though I accept that my opinion doesn't matter in this, I'm glad he has you. I hope that you will choose to join our family forever."

"Thank you." Bella said, sitting up straight and smiling with tears forming in her eyes. "I want to be with Edward forever more than anything. Though I would understand if you all didn't want-"

"Nonsense!" Alice said, cutting her off.

"Of course, we want you, dear." Esme said, Carlisle agreed.

"You're already one of us." Jasper added.

"One of us! One of us!" Emmett chanted, laughing maniacally.

"Is that what you sounded like last night?" Bella asked Edward.

"No, like this." Emmett said, giggling in a higher pitch for nearly a minute straight before taking a breath.

"Impressive." Jasper complimented him. "But it was more like-"

"So much for my serious conversation."

"We're just messing with you, bro." Jasper said, winking.

"I know." Edward grinned.

"We're here for you, son. And you too, Bella. Whatever you need." Carlisle said.

"That reminds me. Thank you all for listening. It means the world to me." Edward stood up, keeping Bella in his arms, and taking off upstairs. "Close your eyes."

"You know I hate surprises."

"It won't be for long. I promise. I just don't want you to see some other things yet while I retrieve something out of my closet-"

"That's where he keeps his sex toys!" Emmett shouted up the stairs, making Bella giggle again.

"Does he ever stop?" she asked Edward.

"No. Especially not when people need cheering up. And we love him for it."

"We do?" she asked.

"Hey!" he shouted from downstairs. "I know you were just playin'!" he added, "At least you better be." She laughed.

"Ignore him, love." Edward put her down on the bed and sat on his feet in front of her. He took her right hand in one of his. "There's something I would like you to have. I promise I didn't spend any money on it. It was my mother's. I've been wanting to give it to you for a while now but I wasn't sure how you would react. I know you don't like gifts."

"I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?"

"For being difficult."

He smiled, "We're a work in progress. Both of us." He held up his hand and showed her a delicate silver bracelet with a large diamond heart dangling from it. It caught the light coming in from the window and sparkled, glistening, and casting small rainbows on his face. How was it possible that he was even more beautiful in this light? she thought.

"It's lovely."

"You won't protest then?"

"No, thank you. I would be honored to wear it."

"It looks delightful on you. And you're welcome. My real heart, though it no longer beats, is yours too. It always will be."

"I love you."

"I love you." he repeated, standing up and sitting beside her. Accepting this gift was great practice for the other diamond he hoped to give her someday soon. He smiled and kissed her, and all thoughts of conversation for the evening were happily lost to both of them.